Email: slashgirl@gmail.com
Notes: This story was written for the slash advent calendar. I am also using it
for prompt 092:Christmas in the Fanfic 100
Notes: No specific spoilers in the story but my note is kind of spoilerish for season 6. This takes place after the team is reunited but before we find out about the change in Warrick's personal life. (Trying to be vague…)
Lonesome
by Stacy L.A. Stronach
I look at the clock on the wall of my office. 12:05 a.m. Officially Christmas, the day Christians celebrate the birth of the baby Jesus Christ, their saviour. Of course, Jesus was more likely born in the spring than in December but the early Catholic Church was trying to convert the pagan populations of the countries they had conquered. Thus they set the date for Christmas near the mid-winter fire festival time, most notably Saturnalia.
I came into work early tonight, so I've been here well over an hour. Fortunately, it's Christmas and not so busy. I hope it stays that way, not because I don't want to work, but it would be a shame for someone to lose a loved one on this day, especially to crime.
Looking back down at the pile of paperwork sitting on my desk, I sigh. It doesn't seem to matter how much of it I do, there always seems to be more to do. If I were given to fanciful speculation, I'd be tempted to think the damn stuff breeds when I'm not in my office. I grin at the thought…fortunately, I'm not often given to fanciful speculation; at least, not very often.
A knock on my door interrupts my thoughts. I raise my gaze to see Sara Sidle standing there. I school my features, not letting her see my agitation at her presence. We've got a smaller shift than usual tonight. It's just Sara, Greg, and me for CSIs and we've got a pared down lab staff. Warrick and Catherine are on call, while Nick has taken vacation time to spend Christmas with his parents and family in Texas this year.
Sara's looking at me with the look she usually gets before she tries to broach a personal subject with me. Feeling a slight sense of unease, I take a deep breath, and then motion for her to come in. "Yes?" I ask after she sits down in the chair across from my desk.
"Yeah, I was wondering if you had plans for after we get off shift?"
My first instinct is to lie which I usually try not to do. Even though I don't have any plans, I trust my instincts. "Yes, actually, I do, Sara."
"Oh," she says, surprised. "What are you doing? I just wondered if—"
Dear God, this woman is nothing if not persistent. "Sara, I have plans which don't include you and are of a personal nature," I say this calmly, not showing any of the anger I feel at her intrusive behaviour. "Now, if you have nothing case related to discuss, I really have to catch up on this," I add, sweeping my hand above the surface of the desk, indicating the paper work. I may hate it, but it serves a purpose at times.
Sara gives me a sour look, like she just sucked on a lemon. "Well, excuse me, I'd hate to keep you from your work," she says snidely. You'd think I was the one who'd offended her. She stands up and pauses in the doorway, turning back to look at me. "Grissom, if you don't take some chances, you're going to end up a lonely, bitter old man." She walks out before I can reply.
I watch her walk down the hallway, my first thought at her pronouncement being that she was predicting her future, not my own. There's lonely and then there's alone. I'm alone and most of the time, I'm not lonely. Of course, there are times I experience that, however, it usually passes. I also wish that Sara would understand how utterly uninterested I am in her as anything more than a colleague. I know now we could never really be friends. Doing so would only give her the wrong idea.
It's not that I don't understand unrequited love…I smile as I picture Warrick Brown in my mind's eye. I've always thought he was a good-looking young man, from his first day here at the lab. I know he's straight and that I'd be too old for him even if he did swing that way. I've been content to work with him and be his mentor…and his friend. I push thoughts of Warrick out of my head, forcing myself to concentrate on the paperwork in front of me.
*******************************
I look at the clock; it's now 12:05. Officially Christmas. I sure as hell don't feel like celebrating. My Grams died this year, just after Thanksgiving. She had a massive heart attack one night one of my cousins found her when he came to visit her the next morning. The only good thing, if there could be anything good about it, was that she went quickly and didn't linger. It's how she would've wanted it.
My family is getting together at my Aunt Ruby's for Christmas dinner. Ruby is Grams' sister. She'd called me earlier today, well, technically, yesterday, to try and convince me to join them tonight and tomorrow. I just didn't feel like it. Grams was more like a mother to me, she raised me after my mom died. I know I wouldn't be able to deal with the family stuff this year. I feel so alone now. I know that being with family would make me feel even more alone. I know Ruby's disappointed but she did seem to understand.
I look at the clock, again. Now it's 12:08. Shit, I should've signed up to work the Christmas shift. I'm on call, but at least at work I'd be able to distract myself. After another two very long minutes, I mutter, "Fuck it," and get up, grabbing my coat and keys. Nothing saying I can't go into work. Might not get paid for it but it sure as hell will beat being here by myself, moping. I know I'm moping but damn, I'm entitled.
Driving into work, I think about what to say to Gris. He might try to convince me to go home. Then again, he might just understand. He was so great to me after Grams died, made sure I had enough time off, helped me make arrangements. Hell, he even came to the funeral. Of course, Catherine, Nick, and Greg were there as well; they came to the wake, too. I could tell my family was impressed that the people I work with would do that for me.
I smile as I remember how Gris had stayed after everyone had left from the wake. He'd helped me to clean up Grams' house. Well, it was my house now. When we'd finished, he stayed and we talked most of the afternoon into the evening. He let me talk about Grams, let me share memories of her and he hadn't known her that well. He even talked to me about when his father died, how it had brought him even closer to his mother. Gris had told me that even now, years later, there are times when he still misses his father.
When we'd talked about Christmas, Gris was being so open with me that I'd asked him why he always worked the Christmas shifts; he'd done so as long as I'd been at the lab.
Gris had shrugged. "My mother and I spend Thanksgiving together. For the past, oh, twenty years or so, she and two of her girlfriends go on a cruise at Christmas time. They're all widows, and the other two don't have children," he says, then he grins. "And my mom figures I'm old enough to be on my own at Christmas."
I'd chuckled at that, but I couldn't imagine being alone every Christmas. "Don't you get lonely?" I asked.
"No, not really. Christmas wasn't a big thing in my house when I grew up. Mom and I send each other presents now. I'm used to it."
"Man, I can't imagine that," I'd replied.
Now, I remember those words and I can very well imagine being alone on Christmas. But I'm not gonna be alone every year. I think next year, I'll be able to do the family thing. This year, though, Grams' death is too fresh for me.
When I get to the lab, I head right for Gris' office. I knock on the door and poke my head in. "Hey, man."
Gris looks up at me in surprise. "Warrick, what are you doing here? I didn't page you."
"I needed something to do."
I see the light of understanding in his eyes and he motions me into the room. "First Christmas without your Grams."
I plop down in the chair. "Yeah. My Aunt Ruby invited me over but I just don't feel like being around all that Christmas cheer and family stuff, ya know?"
"You'd be lonely, even with everyone there. I know it's not easy, Warrick."
Nodding, I don't say anything. I like that Gris doesn't feel he has to offer me clichéd platitudes like most other folks do. Hearing that it'll get easier with time or that next year, I'll enjoy Christmas and be able to focus on the happy stuff doesn't help me. In fact, it sounds like a load of bullshit. I realise it's true, hell, that's why they're clichés…but I still don’t want to hear it. It doesn't help and I'm still hurting.
We sit in a comfortable silence, neither of us feeling the need to fill the space with conversation. I've come to like that about Gris, too. It took me a while to get used to it. Most people are uncomfortable with silence and tend to chatter to cover and fill it. I'm like that with some people but not with Gris.
I study Grissom as he bends his head back to work on whatever he was doing before I came in. The lamp on his desk provides a soft spotlight on him. When I first started here, I thought Gris was a fine looking man and over the years, as I've gotten to know him better, I've fallen for him. I know there's no likelihood of anything happening between us, mostly because he's straight. That doesn't stop me from thinking about it, even now. I wonder what he'd be like as a lover…I stop that train of thought before it gets a chance to leave the station.
After a few minutes, I stand up and stretch. "I'm gonna go do some work. Catch you later."
Gris looks up at me and smiles. "Okay, Rick. Anytime you want to talk…."
I smile back. "Yeah, I know. Thanks," I say before walking out of his office.
When Warrick stands up, I glance at him and notice that his shirt has ridden up as he stretches. I see his abdomen and have to look away again. No need to stare and drool over something I can't have. Before he leaves, I let him know if he needs to, he can talk to me. I know he knows this but I wanted to remind him.
I force myself to not watch him as he walks out of my office. It's a nice view, one I've seen so many times before, one I certainly never tire of watching….
When Rick stops by my office around four-thirty, I'm just finishing up the last of my paperwork backlog. I'm very pleased with myself. Of course, I'll only be caught up until tomorrow night, but I don't let that though discourage me. Too much.
"Hey, why don't you come and grab a cup of coffee with me? You look like you could use a break."
I stand and stretch, my body cramped from not moving enough for the last few hours. "Sounds really good." I walk over and we head to the break room.
"Tame the paperwork yet?" he asks, grinning. He knows how much I hate it.
"Yeah, for the time being," I answer. "How're things going with your cases?" I ask as we walk into the break room. We grab coffee and sit down.
"Pretty good. I think I might've caught a break on the Williams B&E."
"Really, what?" I ask. I love to hear Warrick tell me about his cases, I enjoy how his mind works. He's damned intelligent and while he sometimes lets his emotions get in the way…well, he wouldn't be Warrick if he didn't. We discuss a couple of his cases for the next few minutes. It was nice, just to be spending some time with him.
When he's done, I mention my conversation with Sara that had happened earlier. He shakes his head and has a worried look on his face.
"You've gotta be careful around her, Gil. Keep saying no as loud and as firmly as you possibly can. I don't understand her," he says. He looks out into the hallway. "We should probably get back to work," Warrick says, rather suddenly. I must look confused because he clarifies his statement with, "Sara's heading this way. I don't figure you want to be trapped in here with her."
I chuckle and stand quickly, putting my cup in the sink beside Warrick's. "I'd rather not," I say. We walk out of the room just as Sara gets to the door. She glares at Warrick, obviously not happy seeing him with me. She's always been jealous of Warrick; he is my favourite, something she'll never be. We both greet her but keep on walking. I'm surprised she didn't find something to try and keep me there; I'm glad she hasn't.
*****************************
I see the look that Sara's giving me and if looks killed, they'd be investigating a murder scene right here in the break room. Sara's never liked me. She thinks I'm nothing better than a gambler who's pulled a snow job on Gris. I tried to give her a chance, I tried to be her friend but my closeness to Gris irritated her too much. She has some pretty big issues. Hell, as one of my friends would say, "That girl doesn't have issues, she has subscriptions!" I feel bad for her that she can't or won't move on and away from Gil.
I put her out of my mind as we walk down the hallway. I leave Gris at his office, while I continue back to the lab and the work I was doing. Gris had given me a few new ways to look at some of the stuff I had on one of my cases. I enjoy it when I get the opportunity to talk over aspects of one of my cases with him. He's brilliant and his mind works so differently than my own that it can only help to get his insight.
Coming in to work was the best thing I could've done. I've pretty much managed to keep my mind on the work. Not that I haven't thought about Grams or my family, just here at work, I'm less likely to mope about it. I don't have the time.
What seems like only a little while later, I hear Gris come into the room. I look at the clock surprised to see it's past eight already.
"You should go home, Warrick," he says to me.
I make a face. I know I should but I'm sure as hell not looking forward to it. I don't speak, just shrug my shoulders.
He tilts his head looking at me like he looks at evidence. "Why don't you come over to my place, I'll make you whatever you want for breakfast."
Anything would be better than going home to that empty house. "Sounds like a plan, man," I answer. "Just let me finish up here."
"Okay, I'll wait for you in my office, just stop by when you're ready."
I nod at him and make quick work of putting my shit away. I'm surprised he asked me over although, lately, he's been more open with me than he used to be. Once I'm done, I go to my locker, get changed and go to his office. When I get there, he's standing by one of the cages he keeps his "pets" in, talking to it quietly.
"Gris?"
"Oh, Rick. I'm ready to go," he says, picking up his bag and joining me in the hallway. We walk out to our vehicles in companionable quiet.
As we're splitting up to go get our vehicles, I say, "Gris, I'm gonna stop and pick up some beer. You want or need anything?" I laugh at the look on his face. "You never had beer with bacon and eggs?" I ask him. He shakes his head 'no'. "Oh, man, it's the best. Don't knock til you've tried it!"
Almost a half hour later, I arrive at Gris' place and try the door, unsurprised to find the door open. I lock it behind me once I'm inside. My stomach rumbles when my nose smells the bacon. I'm hungrier than I thought.
Walking into the kitchen, I see that Gris has just finished cooking everything. We exchange greetings while I pull a couple cans of beer off the 12 pack before putting them in the fridge.
"Let's go eat in the living room and see what's on TV," Gris suggests.
I look at him surprised. Any other time I've eaten here, we've always sat at the table.
He laughs. God, he's gorgeous when he smiles. "I do like to break my own rules from time to time. Besides, it's a special day."
We take our food over and sit on the couch. Gris turns the TV on and while we eat, he puts the TV on one of the all news channels. There's a story on about a forensics lab out on the east coast where one of the head guys was found to have lied about evidence. Gris and I look at each other, shaking our heads. That's gonna end up being a bitch for that loser's jurisdiction; all his cases will have to be reviewed. Gris and I talk about this, both of us glad this has never happened at our own lab.
**************************
After we finish eating, I take the plates and Warrick's empty beer can into the kitchen. He's right, beer doesn't go too badly with breakfast, however, I don't think I'd want to have it on a regular basis.
Once I settle next to him on the couch, I grab the remote and flip through the on-screen TV guide, trying to see if there's anything half interesting on. "Hey, Warrick, do you mind if we watch 'The Grinch'?"
"Which one, cartoon or live action?"
"Cartoon, of course."
"Yeah, that'd be cool. I didn't much care for the movie," he says. "You like the Grinch?" he asks me, surprised.
I nod. "It's one of my favourites."
"Me too, I've loved it since I was kid."
That makes me feel rather old, but then again, I am. I finished my first beer a few minutes ago and decide I should have another one. Before I can stand up, Warrick does.
"I'm going to get another beer, you want one?" he asks, standing up.
"Yeah, thanks."
He comes back and sits where he was, next to me on the couch. When he hands me the beer, his fingers brush my own and it's like a current of electricity touching me. It's not like we haven't touched before and I often have that reaction. He doesn't move his fingers from mine and he looks at me, something akin to surprise in his green eyes.
"Gil?"
"Yes, Warrick?" It feels like something is shifting in the room, like there's another energy at work.
He pulls the can away from my unresisting grasp. Warrick leans toward me and I know what he's going to do. I don't try to stop him; I merely close my eyes as his lips touch mine. Dear God, this is sweeter than I ever imagined. He doesn't hesitate, his lips are firm and determined against my own. My mother didn't raise a fool; as soon as I feel his tongue gently lick against my lips, I open my mouth to him. Pulling me close, one hand behind my head, the other at my waist, Warrick slides his tongue into my mouth. I respond in kind, tasting the beer and food he's had along with something else that is simply Warrick and simply addictive.
My own hands grasp Warrick's upper arms as we continue to explore each other's mouths. I can't help but groan as his tongue laves every part of my mouth; I shiver when I hear his answering moan. After what seems like mere seconds but was more likely a few minutes, we separate, our faces still close. I see amazement in his eyes and I'm sure I've got a similar expression on my own face.
"How long…?" he asks breathily, sliding his hand around to rest his fingers against the side of my face.
"A long time," I say. "What about you?"
He smiles at me now. "A long time," he teases, echoing my answer.
I grin at him. "Funny, Rick." I pause for a moment before continuing. I have no reason to be embarrassed although I do feel a little uncomfortable talking about this. "I've found you attractive since you started working at the lab. Since I've come to know you better…it's become more than attraction."
"That's pretty much how it was for me, too. Although I didn't know what to make of you at first but once I got to know you…." Rick trails off.
Sitting there, we stare at one another for several long seconds. This time I take the initiative, capturing his mouth for another passionate kiss.
As Warrick pushes me back onto the couch, covering my body with his own, I'm hopeful that this means neither of us will have to be alone again. Ever.
//**the end**\\