Email: slashgirl@gmail.com

Pairing: Gi/Di
Rating: FRC
Archive: yes to wwomb
Disclaimer: not mine, etc.
Warnings: SPOILERS for Light Sleeper
Note: I know he has the lighter with Shannon and Kelly on it, but
since it's not clear which one is his daughter's name, I'm sticking
with Elizabeth, which I used in two previous ficlets as his daughter's
name. I do hope they clear this up, sometime SOON!

Holding on
by Stacy L.A. Stronach

Jethro Gibbs sits on the sofa in his darkened living room, sipping a
glass of bourbon. The last couple days had been a whirlwind, and a
dangerous one, at that. Now that the danger was over and the case was
solved, he finds that what he can't get out of his mind is Yun
Dawson's little girl and how it felt to hold a baby again.

He remembers holding his own little girl like that. The first time he
held her was a few minutes after she was born. She'd been so tiny and
so perfect with a shock of black hair on her head and the brightest
blue eyes he'd ever seen. The nurse had brought her over after they'd
cleaned her and weighed her, placing the small bundle into his nervous
arms. When Jethro had looked down at her, at his Elizabeth, staring up
at him with those big blue eyes, he'd felt a surge of love and
protectiveness like nothing he'd ever experienced before. In that
moment he knew that'd he die for this child, that he would kill to
protect her, and that there was nothing else in the whole world that
mattered more than this child. But in the end, he'd failed her, failed
to protect like a good father would, like a good father should. He
closes his eyes against those memories.

Getting up off the sofa, Jethro turns on a lamp before going over and
pulling a small photo album off the shelf. It's one he looks at very
rarely. He doesn't need to really because he keeps all the memories in
his head. But sometimes...sometimes he needs to look to see the
evidence that she had once been in his life, had existed. He lets the
book fall open, randomly and the first picture he sees makes him
smile.

It's a picture his wife had taken; Elizabeth was maybe six months old.
Jethro is asleep on a sofa, with his little Bit on one shoulder, her
face turned toward the camera, her wispy blonde hair sticking up all
over. She'd lost the shock of black hair a few days after birth and it
had come in a fine, silvery blonde. His hand is holding her in place
and both of them, father and daughter, having mactching looks of
sleepy contentedness on their faces. He remembers his wife waking him
up after taking that picture and how happy he had been...

He closes the album, he really doesn't need it. So many memories. He's
grateful for the memories he does have, glad that he had made the vow
to be there for his daughter's growing up, unlike his own father,
who'd been cold and distant. He's glad he had so many chances to hold
her, before...

Jethro sets the album back on the shelf and turns around. He's
surprised to see Tony sitting on the sofa. He was so engrossed in his
memories, he didn't hear his lover come in. Tony smiles at him,
patting the seat next to him on the sofa. Neither of them speaks;
Jethro goes over and ends up laying down, his head on Tony's lap.

He's hasn't told Tony hardly anything about his first marriage and
about his daughter. Tony knows about the wives and knows that Gibbs
had a daughter...but he doesn't know all of it. Sometimes, he feels
guilty that Ziva knows and Tony doesn't, but it's never seemed to be
the right time to tell him and Jethro hates to admit it, but he's
afraid to tell Tony. Afraid the younger man will think less of him and
leave him. Jethro also knows Tony would be pissed off if he knew what
Jethro was thinking. But soon, he thinks he'll be able to talk to Tony
about this. At least, he hopes he can.

Meanwhile, he lets Tony stroke his hair and he enjoys feeling the
solidness of Tony's thigh under his head. He looks up at his lover,
and Tony smiles at him. "I don't want to lose you, Tony," he says, not
really clear to what he's referring, he just knows it is true. Losing
Tony would kill him. It would be that one final loss that would end up
breaking him and Jethro knows it. It scares him sometimes, but he'll
live with that fear because the alternative is...unthinkable.

"Not going to happen, Jethro. I'm almost as stubborn as you are," Tony
replies, still smiling at him. He leans forward and places a chaste
kiss on Jethro's mouth. "I love you," Tony adds.

Jethro reaches a hand up to cup Tony's face. "I love you too," he
says. He pauses for a moment as they stare at each other and Jethro
realises that this just might be the time. Maybe."I've never told you
what happened to Elizabeth, have I?" he begins.

//**the end**\\