Perdre et retrouver la maîtrise
('To lose control and to gain it')
Author: Surreal
E-mail: surreal666@hotmail.com
Website: http://netjeru.ma-at.net/SurrealArts/
Feedback: Yes, please!!!
Status: complete
Category: Missing scene, "Maximum Byers", romance
Rating: NC-17 for m/m niceties
Summary: After his time in prison, Byers needs to regain
control of himself.
Archive: Lone Slasher, Basement
Disclaimer: Nope, still not mine.  
Notes:  Spoilers for Maximum Byers.  Thought it was about 
time to get back to filling in the missing scenes of the series!
Scene takes place the night the boys bring the boys home.


~~M~B~~


Byers just about jumped out of his skin when Jimmy brushed
by him as they passed each other in the hall near the stairs.
He stumbled and reached out his hand to steady himself 
against the wall.  

"Oh!  Sorry, Byers,"  the larger man said automatically, 
his hand resting on Byers' arm in apology.  But he was 
surprised when his skittish friend shook him off quickly,
almost fearfully.  

"It's...it's fine, Jimmy.  I'm okay, just a little..."  he shrugged
and gave a half-smile of embarrassment.  

Bond had noticed Byers becoming more jumpy and nervous since
their first few hours in the prison, and even more as the days
went on.  As a former athlete, the younger man was used to 
communal showers and close quarters with other large, stinking,
and occasionally violent men.  He knew little of Byers' background,
but assumed that his friend had no such experience outside of
high school gym classes.  

He couldn't image what the past several days had been like for
his gentle, and extremely private, mentor.

"You sure?"  Bond looked at his friend doubtfully, not missing
the faint tremors shuddering through the older man.

"Yes, Jimmy, I'm *sure* I'm okay," Byers assured the fourth 
Gunmen, his patience reaching its limits at the repeated inquiries.  
"Could you please just..." he started to hiss through his teeth, 
pushing past Jimmy on his way up the stairs.  But he noticed the
look of concern mixed with the usual hero worship on the younger
man's face and sighed, scrubbing a hand over his eyes.  "Really.
I'm fine.  I'm tired, sore, and ready to fall into my own bed.  You
should too," he added, noting the weariness of his friend.

Jimmy stared at him a moment, then nodded reluctantly.  "Yeah...
sure," he smiled.  "Good night, John."

"Night, Jimmy," Byers smiled back and continued up the stairs.

He found Langly in the bathroom brushing his teeth, wearing
a pair of old, black sweatpants and nothing else.  "Hey," Byers
rubbed the other man's arm briskly and brushed a quick kiss on
one pale shoulder as he passed.

"Hhrr," Langly mumbled around the toothbrush before leaning down
to spit.  "You want I should leave so you can take care of business?"
he lowered his voice in a bad Marlon Brando voice, gesturing toward 
the open door.

"No, that's - " Byers answered automatically, but the remaining 
bruises on his body made themselves known as he reached for his
waistband and he cleared his throat self-consciously.  "Uh, yeah...
maybe you should."

Langly glanced at him sideways as the meaning behind the words 
set in.  He took a step closer and lowered his voice.  "John, it's okay.
I know you got hurt, there's not need to hide from me.  I won't..." 
he looked away, blushing.  "If you want, I'll go sleep in my room."

"What?  NO!"  Byers' head shot up and he reached to grip Langly's
arm.  "That's not what I meant.  I want you there...I *need* you
with me, tonight," he said solidly.  

The other man blinked at him, uncertain.  Byers swallowed hard 
and pulled his lover to him, holding him hard in a near-desperate
hug.  "God, I missed you," he choked back the sudden tears and
pressed his face into Langly's neck.

The blonde slipped his arms around Byers' waist and held him,
feeling the slight tremors in his partner.  "Yeah, me too," he
whispered back.  "I was so worried," he tightened his hold on
his lover.  "When Jimmy told us what you did...fuck, I was ready
to pull you guys out right there but Mel was sure you knew what
you were doing."

Byers sighed and pulled back just enough so he could press his
forehead against the other man's.  "I know...I thought it was a
good idea, but now...knowing it was for nothing..."

"Wasn't for nothing," Langly assured him.  "At least we won't
be left wondering, you know?"

"Yeah," the older man nodded reluctantly.  He swallowed hard
and sniffed, reaching down to take Langly's hand in his and
squeeze.  "Well...um, I'm going to finish up in here.  Wait
for me in bed?" he asked hopefully.

Langly smiled and nodded.  "Sure."

Stripping naked and sliding into bed, Langly smiled in anticipation.
He'd seen Byers' injuries and knew they wouldn't be doing anything
but sleeping tonight, but he'd missed the other man's presence - the
simple knowledge that if he woke up in the middle of the night and
reached, he'd find another warm body.  

He looked up when Byers came into the room.  Byers closed the door
behind him and turned back with a knowing smile.

Langly patted the mattress next to him with a returning smile.  
"Come here," he prodded softly.

Byers hesitated a moment, then drew a deep breath.  With a few 
quick motions he stripped off his clothes, revealing a mass of 
purple and black bruises along his torso, arms, back and left hip;  
an obvious boot print there where he'd been kicked while he was 
down.  The blonde winced sympathetically and held out a hand to 
Byers.

Stretching out slowly beside the younger man, Byers placed a 
hand on Langly's chest and ran it down the thin, hard torso a 
few times, reveling in the warm contact.

He slid up the other man's body to kiss him, slowly and lazily.
Releasing him with a soft sigh, he rested his forehead against
the blondes'.  "Mmm..." he smiled.  "You wouldn't believe how
much I missed this."

"I think I can,"  Langly amended as he reached up to twist a
few strands of soft, dark hair between his fingers.  He carded
his fingers through the rest of the hair, pulling Byers down 
for another long kiss.

Byers closed his eyes, relearning the feel of his lover's body,
inside and out.  Taking a sharp, gasping breath, he pushed 
Langly back against the pillows.  One slightly trembling hand
stroked slowly down the younger man's cheek, he leaned down
for a harder, more determined kiss.

"You sure you're up to this, John?"  Langly asked softly, the 
hand that wasn't trapped under Byers stroking steadily along
the older man's side, careful of the bruises.

One hard press of his groin and eager erection against 
Langly's hip answered the question.  "Need you..." he 
whimpered, rolling them so that he was sprawled over the 
other man completely.

Langly shifted, spreading his legs so that Byers could settle 
comfortably between them.  His feet wrapped just slightly
around the other set of legs, so he could stroke the strong,
hairy calves.  

Purring contentedly deep in his throat, Byers nuzzled into
the neck of the man beneath him and rocking against the
warm body.  He settled his weight onto his elbows and raised
his head, watching his lover's face as he started to slowly 
grind their erections together.

"Uhh...o-ohhh,"  Langly's breath caught for a moment, then
he sighed at the friction against his dick.  

Byers echoed above him, his air coming in harsh pants.  Nearly
a week he'd been without this, the touch of his passionate
lover, the sharing he'd grown to crave like a lifeline.  It all
seemed too much, too real and he felt the desperation grown in
him with shocking speed.  

He ran his hands down the long, smooth length of Langly's arms,
captured his hands and entwined their fingers.  He pulled their
joined hands up above the other man's head, holding and pressing
him into the mattress, his weight draped over him like a blanket.

Rolling his hips slowly, he felt a rush of possessiveness at the
hungry groans he forced out of his lover.  He was in control,
it was *him* doing this to another person, a being he was bound 
to through years of blood, tears, sweat and sex.  

All of the fear built up over his voluntary incarceration, the
harsh, disturbing whispers of the other men, telling him what
they wanted to do to him given the chance came crashing through
the front of his mind.  He suddenly had to prove himself, 
protect himself.  Had to make the other man *know* who
was in charge here, beyond any doubt.  

It was more than he could take, his brain overloaded by the
power he held, both emotionally and physically as his partner
writhed and pushed against him, completely open and trusting.

With a hard, low groan he sat back, reached for the lube from
the nightstand and dropped it on the bed next to his hand.  
"Turn over," he ordered abruptly, grabbing one of Langly's
legs to move him.

"Wha - "  Langly had no choice but to move, flipping over onto
his front, startled.  "John?"

Leaning in close to his ear even as he spread Langly's thighs 
with his hands and started to prepare him, Byers whispered in
a voice rough with need and something else, something Langly
had never heard before.  "Need this...have to fuck you..." 

Despite himself, Langly shivered at the words coming from his
normally shy, considerate lover.  He felt his stomach tingle, a 
mixture of lust and something approaching nervousness.  He 
wasn't entirely sure what the other man had planned, if he was
honest with himself.  

He felt one, then two fingers in quick succession push into him
without warning, making him arch his back and cry out sharply.
His fingers dug into the sheets, making sweat-dampened fistfuls
of bedclothes.  "God - John, take it easy..." 

Lost in the moment, the heady rush of desire, Byers muttered a 
swift "...sorry," and leaned down to kiss the curve of Langly's
lower back.  

He slid his fingers out of the other man's body then moved to
cover him again, nipping and kissing at the nape of his neck 
and his shoulders.  "Ready?" he muttered, but didn't wait for
an answer.  

Planting his hands on either side of Langly's ribcage, he pushed
down and buried himself to the root inside the man under him in
a few rough thrusts.

Langly tensed at the sudden intrusion, the pain of the unexpected
entry making him arch back and choke on a harsh shout.  He felt
a few hard, sharp stabs into him and he howled painfully, trying
to pull away.  "John!!  God, please stop, you're hurting me...J-john!"

Byers gasped, his eyes at once focusing on the painful wince 
shuttering his lover's face, the way Langly was biting his lip too
hard to keep from screaming, and the white knuckles of the other
man's hands grasping the sheet.  "God...oh, God, Ree....I - I didn't...
shit!"  he hissed, carefully pulling out before he rushed to get 
off the other man.  "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." he said breathlessly,
over and over, as he curled up with his knees against his chest,
arms wrapped around his legs.

The blonde man took a moment to catch his breath before gingerly
moving to sit up next to the distressed man.  "John...John, it's okay, 
I'm okay..." he assured Byers, stroking his still-shaking hand over 
Byers' back.  "I know, I know what's going on, it's okay."

"Not okay,"  Byers mumbled into his folded arms where his face 
was buried.  "Can't believe...oh, God, I hurt you," his voice shook
hard, his head coming up and he finally looked at Langly, his eyes
scanning the other man's body as if expecting to find damage.

"You didn't hurt me, John,"  Langly argued, then amended as he saw
the look of disbelief on his partner's face.  "Okay, it *did* hurt,
but *I'm* not hurt, all right?  You were just...John, I know what's
goin' on with you, what you're goin' through.  I get it, all right?"

Byers glanced at him, frowning and somewhat angry.  "How do you
know what I'm thinking right now?  Fuck, *I* don't even know."

He slipped his arms around Byers' body and pulled him close.  
"John...I - ," he started, uncertain how to start, or if it was even
the right thing to do.  He felt his chest tighten at the unwelcome
memories flooding his head.  "Let's just say, I've been there," 
he whispered cryptically, his arms hugging the other man tighter
instinctively.

Byers frowned, raising his head to look at his friend.  "Ree?"
He could feel the fine tremors in Langly's body against him and
was immediately drawn away from his own thoughts.  "What is it?"

Langly sighed, mostly to give himself time to gather his nerve.
"Promise me that if I tell you, you won't freak out, okay?  I'm 
trying to help *you* here, help you understand that *I* can
understand.  Right?"

Nodding slowly, Byers watched him closely.  "I'll try."

"Good enough," Langly smiled weakly, and took a deep breath.
"About a year before I met you guys, I spent a little over a month
in a county jail.  I was nineteen, got caught with beer a few too
many times."

"You did time?  Before Baltimore, I mean?  How come you never
told us, me?"  Byers gaped at him, wide-eyed.

"Wasn't something I'm proud of, I'd rather just forget it," Langly
replied, making it obvious what this effort to discuss it required of
him.  "Just...let me say this, okay?  I'm telling you now, because I
think it will help."

Byers swallowed hard, but nodded.  "Go on."

"Okay.  Um...well, the place was small, mostly a bunch of kids like 
me.  I got hassled a lot, about my hair mostly.  Frohike wasn't joking
about trading me for cigarettes, you know...shit like that goes on.
Lot of guys tried to...to do stuff.  Guys bigger than me, who'd been
in there longer and forgot what common decency was.  I - I got 
tossed around a lot, where the guards weren't watching."

Byers shivered reflexively, remembering how he'd been beaten
far worse than he'd expected simply because the guards weren't
paying attention.  He felt Langly's hand rub his arm softly and
the younger man continued.

"About a week before I got released, these two guys...big, fuckin'
bastards that'd been after me for weeks...they got me alone in the
machine shop one afternoon.  Th - they held me up against the wall,
their hands all over me, pulling my pants down.  I tried to fight them,
but the one guy, he grabbed my hair and slammed my head against
the concrete.  I didn't pass out, but I was too stunned to struggle
anymore." 

He stopped, realizing he was shaking hard now and his breathing
was short and ragged.  He drew a couple of calming breaths before
going on.  "That was as far as they got...a couple of other guys came
in right then and saw what was happening.  The guys holding me let
me go and I dropped to the floor.  After that...I'm not really sure, 
I think I blacked out.  I woke up in the infirmary, they said I was 
in shock, had a mild concussion but was fine otherwise."

"God...Ringo, I'm sorry, I didn't know..."  Byers whispered, his voice
cracking.  He raised a hand to swipe at the moisture on his cheek.

"Hey, don't, hon,"  Langly kissed the top of Byers' head, holding him
close.  "I didn't tell you this so you'd feel worse!  I just...I want you
to know that I know what's going on in your head.  Now...can I ask
you some things?"

Byers winced.  "Uh...yeah."

"Did anyone try to, you know, touch you while you were in there?"

"Ummmm..."  Byers' mind flashed to his first night, hearing them 
mock him, and Jimmy's...  He had to smile.  "They made comments
at first, but Jimmy informed them all that I was 'his bitch',"  he 
choked on a laugh.  "No one really tried anything, but I was...I
knew it happened.  I was scared," his voiced dropped as he spoke,
the realization hitting him hard.  

"Uh huh.  You were scared.  The game is control in there, babe.
It isn't about sex, or getting off...it's about who has power, who
is in control."

"So...what - what I was doing, before...that was me trying to get
control, of you?"  Byers tried to make sense of his emotions, 
somehow conflicting and not completely coming together.

"I think that's part of it.  I think...more of it was a defense
mechanism.  You were protecting yourself, taking the upper hand
before the other person could hurt you,"  Langly reasoned with 
him.

"But you'd never hurt me!  It was you, I knew it was you but I 
still..."  Byers shook his head, unnerved by his own body's response.
"Damn it, I don't even know what I'm saying."

"I think you do, hon,"  Langly argued quietly, resting his cheek on
the soft head of hair against his chest.  

"You never told me...how can you..."  Byers wiggled around to face
him.  "All this time, how can you be so...so calm and - and *good* 
with me, when we make love?  You let me...after what almost 
happened to you?"  He frowned.

Langly leaned in and kissed him lightly, cupping his chin with one
hand and holding his gaze.  "Because I *trust* you."

Byers blinked, waiting for him to continue.  When he was met with
only the heavy silence, he licked his lips and shook his head slightly.
"That's it?  Just...you trust me?  But - look what I - "

The younger man slid his thumb up against Byers' lips to stop him.
"That's all it takes.  Don't you get it?  I *know* you, we've been
friends for a dozen years, lovers for about three of that...I trust
you with my body, with my *life* every day, every time you touch
me.  I know you won't hurt me," he gave a little smile, seeing the
protest in Byers' eyes.  "I don't mean physically, though I know
you'd never do that intentionally.  I'm talking emotionally...that's
where those other guys hurt me, okay?  Not you, though.  Never
you."

The other man absorbed the soft, pleading words and slowly smiled.
"So...you still trust me, even after...earlier?"

"Yes,"  Langly replied firmly, leaving no room for doubt.  He held
his lover close to him again, kissing his hair.  "I love you."

The older man stiffened, but relaxed into the embrace and rested his 
head against Langly's chest.  "I'm so sorry," he whimpered so softly
it was almost lost against the younger man's skin.  

"It's okay, I'm fine..."  Langly reassured him again, stroking his 
hands along Byers' tense arms and back.  After a while he sighed.
"You ready to try this again?  A little slower?"

Byers lifted his head to stare at his lover incredulously.  "You can't...
Ree, you can't be serious!  I just about r-raped you a few minutes ago
and you want to keep *going*?"  He started to pull away from Langly's
arms but the other man held fast.

"John, listen to me," he said solidly, cupping Byers' chin with one
hand and making him meet his eyes.  "You didn't hurt me and there 
is no reason for us not to try and get past this, as soon as possible.  
I don't want you to be afraid of making love to me because of 
something you couldn't control, okay?"

Silent for several moments, Byers swallowed hard and nodded.  
"Yeah...I know,"  he stated softly.  "Don't even know if I *can*," he 
added wryly with a blush, glancing down at his dick, long since 
having lost his erection.

"Well...we can fix that easy enough,"  Langly grinned, relieved to 
have the lover he knew back with him.  He grabbed two of the pillows 
and set them up against the headboard, then guided Byers to lean 
against them.  "Here...just lay back and let me do all the work, okay?"

"Probably a good idea,"  Byers smiled wryly and laid back 
comfortably.  "Just...don't let me do anything like that again, okay?  
Ever,"  his voice took a serious turn.

Langly met his gaze steadily as he moved to straddle Byers' lap.  
"I promise.  Same here, okay?" 

"Yeah," Byers replied with a soft smile.  He rested his hands on
Langly's hips gently and stroked the fair skin lightly with his thumbs.

The blond smiled warmly, making sure the other man was relaxed 
before he reached between them to curl his fingers around Byers'
cock and started to stroke.

"Ah-ahh,"  Byers groaned softly, his eyes fluttering shut while the
warm spread of renewed arousal course through him.  Focusing on
his gentle partner's heavy weight against him, the feel of the large
hand holding him so knowingly, the hot breath on his neck where
Langly kissed him and rested his head on Byers' shoulder.

"That'll do it,"  Byers gave a breathless laugh.  He shifted slightly, 
sliding his body down so Langly could slide closer.  

Langly felt Byers grow hard in his palm and let go to rub his own
erection against the other man's.  He pressed their bodies together,
wrapping his long arms over Byers' shoulders, behind his head and
captured his mouth as they rocked into one another.

"God..."  Byers whispered hoarsely, his hand sliding between them
to cup Langly's dick, running his fingers down and under to squeeze
him slightly.  

"That's it, don't be afraid to touch,"  Langly encouraged him softly,
rocking into the light grip at his crotch.  

The caress became more confident, setting a slow pattern.  Byers
cupped the dark, pink sac, then traced his fingers up the long,
thick vein along the underside of the younger man's narrow cock.

Langly sighed, a soft moan hanging over it.  He kissed Byers' 
forehead, his fingers toying with the short, bristly hairs at the
nape of the other man's neck.  "This is nice," he murmured, the 
small puffs of breath disturbing the soft tufts of hair and tickling 
his cheek.  

"Yeah,"  Byers agreed, leaning forward to lick the nipple closest
to his lips.  Langly gasped and arched into the warm, wet contact
as Byers continued to lave and suck on the hard nub.

His hand skidded down, palm flat against Byers' shoulder blade
so he could balance while reaching around with his other for
the lube.  He took the hand Byers had resting on his hip and
pressed the tube into his fingers.  "Here..."

Byers glanced up at him, uncertain.  "You sure...you want me
to?  Wouldn't you rather..." he said, blushing and squeezing
his hand vaguely.

"I'd rather you do it," he smiled, flipping the top on the tube 
and spreading it over the other man's fingers himself.  He
quickly put some in his own hand and began slicking Byers'
cock with it.

Hesitating slightly, he reached around slowly and felt for the
crease.  He slipped his fingers down and fingered the small
opening, pressing one fingertip inside cautiously.  Langly 
groaned and pushed back, taking his finger in deeper.  He 
felt the muscle contract and give and he moved further in.

He went with his instinct, knowing exactly where to touch and
how much, not thinking about it too hard.  They fell into a 
familiar rhythm, Langly stroking them both together while he
concentrated on stretching the younger man.

"You ready, John?"  Langly panted into his ear, bucking hard
against him.  "'Cause I most definitely am..."

"You sure?"  Byers replied, uncertain of himself more than 
his lover.

"Very sure,"  the younger man smiled and shifted up onto his
knees, scooted further up and guided Byers into him easily.
He kept his head over Byers' so the older man couldn't see
his slight wince when he pushed down.

Byers held Langly's hips and let the younger man lead them.

Langly's breath caught in his throat but he forced himself to
relax and soon took all of the other man's hardness in.  He
stayed there for a moment, just resting his head on Byers'
shoulder and giving his body time to catch up with his need.

"Okay?"  Byers whispered, nudging Langly's neck with the
tip of his nose.

"Oh, yeah,"  Langly licked his lips and moved.  A slow, careful
glide until only the head was inside him, and then pushing 
back down in smooth, slippery thrusts.  "Don't hold back on
me, John...come on."

"Aahh...GOD,"  Byers threw his head back and bit his lip, giving
in with small, tight jerks of his hips.  

Langly surged forward and captured Byers' mouth in his own,
licking the red, bitten lips and seeking entrance as he kept their
rhythm steady.  He moaned as Byers opened up to him.  He sucked
on the older man's tongue, reveling in the wet glide as they 
moved together, their entire bodies connected and focused on
the pleasure of their joining.

"Let go, John,"  Langly urged him,  steadily increasing their
beat.  "Don't be scared, it's just me."

Byers gave a high, desperate sob and thrust harder, faster.  
"Oh god..ohgodRee...OH - " he felt the pulsing in his dick, 
throbbing for release.  He slid one of the tightly grasping 
hands from Langly's hip to his cock, stroking it hard and quick
to bring the younger man off with him.  "I can't - I'm gonna..."

Langly stopped him with a hard, bruising kiss and felt his climax
right there on the knife edge of perfection.  He held it, them,
for as long as he could before giving into it. 

The older man felt Langly tense, tighten around him and then
heard him cry out sharply as he came.  Warm, sticky bursts
of semen coated his hand and both their stomachs.

The spasms surrounding his dick set him off and he bucked
wildly for a moment, caught in the heady rush of nearly painful
pleasure.

Panting hard, he crushed the hot, sweaty, sticky and now-limp,
body to his own and let the tears come.  He sobbed out his emotional
release even as his physical one faded.  

Langly held onto him silently and gave Byers the time he needed to
pull himself together again.  

By the time the older man was able to wipe the moisture from his
face, he could tell Langly was half-asleep, still sprawled on him.
He gave a soft laugh and shook Langly's shoulder.

Langly raised his head, his face slightly flushed still, his hair 
sticking to his forehead in places and a look of utter contentment
and childlike innocence gracing his sharp features.  Byers smiled,
reached up to brush back the damp hair and kissed Langly's swollen
lips lightly.  "Getting sticky here, gotta move."

Nodding tiredly, the younger man gently pulled himself off Byers
and crawled down under the covers next to him, pulling at his lover
to join him.  

Langly reached up for a lazy, sloppy kiss and closed his eyes, 
blindly reaching out to pull the other man to him.  "Love you,"  he
mumbled, nearly asleep.

Byers pulled the blanket up over them both and returned the 
comforting embrace gladly.  He brushed his lips against Langly's
forehead and whispered back,  "Yeah."


*************

End.  Feedback to:  surreal666@hotmail.com