Still breathing hard I looked at my lover as we were recuperating from fucking our brains out. It was always great, so why did I always feel like something was lacking? It wasn't the sex... Jim always drained me completely and put my brain into complete meltdown. No, it was something much more elusive... if only I could get a handle on what it was, then I could *do* something about it.

I looked speculatively at Jim, lying sprawled over most of the mattress, leaving me only a bit of space to zonk out on. He opened his eyes, as always aware of my scrutiny. His happy smile faded a bit as he looked at me. I guess he saw my expression a bit too clearly.

I smiled to calm him, soothe his concerns. His light frown didn't disappear, so I guess I wasn't that successful.

"What are you thinking, Chief?"

I tried, really tried to sidestep the question by nuzzling him, caressing him, distracting him physically any way I knew how.

He didn't buy it.

"Chief. Sandburg. Answer me."

I still said nothing. How do you explain the man you love more than life itself that the sex just doesn't really do it anymore? That something's missing? You can't, that's the crux of it all.

I looked seriously at him and said the only thing I could say that wouldn't destroy it all.

"Jim, I need to think more before I say something. It's important, so I don't want to say something before time. I don't want you to misunderstand it, so I need to do some research first, mostly inside myself."

I took a deep breath to calm myself before continuing.

"It concerns both of us, so it's really important that I don't say anything before I'm more certain, ok? Give me a bit of time, and I'll talk."

He nodded and reached out a long arm, inviting for a cuddle. He was worried, that was easy to see, and I could easily imagine what kind of thoughts he was entertaining. I knew him well enough that I knew he thought I had thoughts of leaving. I had promised him over and over that this was forever, but the man is just so insecure. God, I love him. I told him as much as I wiggled into place, getting ready to nod off into dreamland for a few hours.

*********

Over the next couple of days I thought furiously every spare moment. I had actually noticed a while ago that something wasn't quite right, but it hadn't really sunk in until that night where the hole inside me felt bigger than ever before. It was like... like something was slightly out of whack, but I couldn't put my finger on it exactly.

I didn't want or need a girl. I wanted and needed Jim!

OK, that was most likely what Jim most needed to hear. But I so wanted to bring him more than just that, I wanted to present him with a solution to our problem.

Digging deeper into my own mind didn't seem to bring me any closer to a solution. I started looking at Jim. He seemed... as always. Calm, professional, loving and tender in respectively public and private settings. Not that he wasn't calm at home, because he was, but he wasn't exactly loving and tender at the station. Well, at least not when other people were likely to overhear or see something.

Then I looked a bit deeper, and I started looking at him while he slept. Bingo!

He wasn't as calm as he seemed. He knew something was wrong as well.

One night where I was lying awake, thinking and looking at Jim, my new pastime for when I couldn't sleep, I saw him start to toss and turn.

He was dreaming.

I wondered what he dreamt about, wished I could see into his head like he's accused me of doing so many times. How I wished I really could.

He was building up quite a sweat, deep lines marring his forehead and he moaned deeply. I looked down his body. Yup, quite a salute down there. Now I longed even more for being able to see inside him.

I looked closer at his body, hoping that somehow I'd get some clues there. He mumbled my name, brokenly. That relaxed me a bit. At least he was dreaming about me.

"Yes, please. M... oh Blair... yes!"

His hands... he was moving his hands restlessly. Was he gripping for me in his dream? Didn't seem like it. Seemed like he was... restrained? What?

I sat up more straight and looked closer. It definitely looked like it. He moved like I remembered moving on a few memorable occasions, both good and bad, hands tied and not being able to move.

Jim... liked that? It turned him on? I looked down under the comforter again. Yes, it definitely turned him on. He was rock hard and leaking as if he was just about to come.

I looked back up at his face. He was grimacing slightly, panting, still mumbling half words now and then. I still didn't catch more than the occasional plea, and my name.

Suddenly I caught one complete phrase, clearly spoken: "Love you, Master."

Then he tensed up and came with a little sigh.

My mind was reeling. Jim got off on being a sub? Get outta here!!! Then I pushed my way past my immediate shock reaction and started really thinking. If Jim wanted and/or needed something like that, would I be able to give it to him?

My mind was filled with images. Jim being tied up, as I'd seen him on a few occasions before, but this time my mind peeled away clothing, substituted stark warehouses for the kind of surroundings I'd so far only seen in some girlie magazines when I was *much* younger. My cock took an immediate interest.

Was that it? Was this what we'd lacked? Was this what my subconscious had been looking for? I didn't believe it.

I tried out a few other scenarios in my mind, asking myself seriously if this was something I could do. I imagined spanking Jim's perfect ass. Definite interest. I imagined using toys... no contest there, been there, done that. Hm... what about a different setting for using the toys? I changed the loving, tender scene we'd had with a dildo previously, to a scene of making Jim beg for it, or teasing him by using it on me.

Oh God. I panted, feeling ready to burst, so hard that it hurt. Seemed like I didn't know myself all that well after all!

Quickly jacking off, using more images of Jim at my mercy I came, faster and harder than I'd come in ages, or more like ever.

I needed to sleep, and I needed to think. Oh, and I needed to talk to Jim, very soon! I groaned to myself as I cleaned up my mess. New can of worms... how much did Jim know about this? Did he have experience? Was he serious about it? Was it just a stray dream? I needed SLEEP!

**********

The next day I felt and looked like something the cat would leave outside. I had hardly had any sleep at all, my mind had kept spinning and turning most of the night. Every time I'd just gotten to sleep, I woke up again, a new question presenting itself. None of them could be answered until I talked with Jim and no *way* was I going to wake him up in the middle of the night. He needed sleep even more than I did!

Jim, on the other hand, looked perfectly rested, smiling cheerfully from the time he woke up. I had growled at him, when he leaned in for a good morning kiss, and, as always when he knows I'm grumpy as hell, he'd just smiled that silly little smile of his, hell bent on chasing away bad mod, bad guys, bad thoughts, bad everything!

He left me more or less alone until I'd had two cups of coffee inside me, so I started at least resembling something human. Then he said good morning to me and actually had the guts to ask how I felt on, I quote, this glorious morning. I almost told him to go fuck himself, but stopped it by drinking some more coffee.

At the station it was quiet, but I couldn't exactly ask him about anything there. It belonged in a private setting, which the bullpen wasn't! Not by a long shot. I'd finally gotten awake enough to be civil, looked human, acted, but my most urgent need couldn't be satisfied. Work first.

Finally, finally! We could go home and TALK! Never had a day at the station felt so long. Even those days where we'd pulled in 12 hour shifts felt shorter than this!

Jim wanted to make dinner, but I persuaded him to go for Chinese tonight. He looked a bit puzzled, which quickly changed to outright concern at my next words to him.

"Jim, we need to talk. You know that topic I needed to think about before saying anything? Well, I've thought, and now I need to talk with you about it."

"Ok."

That was all he said before grabbing the phone and calling the usual place. He even ordered the usual, not even asking me what I wanted, which I on one hand found hilarious and on the other found deeply bothering. Was I that predictable? Hm... probably. I put the bother away and concentrated on the humour in the situation.

Not saying much of anything, we awaited the food. Silently, we'd both reached the conclusion that the talk would be after dinner. No sense in possibly spoiling your appetite.

When dinner finally was over and done with, trash put away and everything cleared, we sat in the couch. I just looked at him.

"I know this will sound really horrible, like, total cliché, but I need to tell you first of all that I love you above anything, and I never, ever want to leave you."

"I love you too, sweetheart. More than anything."

I took a deep breath, trying to collect my thoughts, but in the end just blurting it out.

"Have you also felt like something was missing? Something that left you a bit empty? I mean, between the 2 of us?"

He thought for a long while, so long that I felt the need to clarify.

"It sounds really horrible, I know that, but lately I've felt unsatisfied. After sex, I mean.

He studied me intensely for long minutes.

"I don't mean that what we do isn't good, or that you aren't the best I've ever made love with. It is and you are. It's just that... lately..."

"It's not been enough."

"Exactly! So you've felt it too?"

"Yeah... like something was out of sync."

"I've spent the entire time from when I first really noticed it until last night thinking about what it could be caused by. I don't want to go back to women or bring in a woman. I don't need them or want them. I want and need you, Jim! I need you to know that."

He smiled and kissed me softly. Then he looked slightly puzzled again.

"You figured it out last night? Is that what you're saying?"

I noticed a slight blush creeping over his face. I knew then that *he* knew perfectly well what had set it off. Nah, I didn't *know* it, but I had a strong suspicion at least.

"Yeah, I did. I was watching you last night while you were sleeping. What did you dream, Jim?"

His blush became more pronounced, and he tried to look away.

"Jim. Look at me. I have a good idea, but I need to hear if I'm correct. What did you dream, Jim?"

In a voice barely above a whisper, he replied: "I dreamt you'd tied me up and were using me."

"Do you often dream of that or was this a rare instance?"

He lowered his voice even more, so much so that I couldn't hear him at all.

"Jim? I didn't hear that. I'm not the Sentinel around here, remember?"

He cleared his throat.

"Very often, Blair."

"Do you have any real experience or are they just fantasies? Have you actually tried what you dreamt about?"

I was really getting somewhere. The price was of course that he was blushing deeper and deeper for each question, but I had to admit to myself, it was a lovely sight. Jim flustered is a rare vision.

Jim crawled almost completely in on himself. Then he nodded.

"Yes, I've tried it."

"Jim, oh Jim. If it's this important to you, why haven't you ever said anything?"

Again he mumbled so low that I had to poke him.

"Didn't think you'd accept. Thought you'd be disgusted. Afraid you'd leave."

"Never! I can't leave you, Jim. I could sooner cut out my own heart. Don't you know that?"

A tiny nod.

"Now I do." He took a deep breath and suddenly pinned me with his eyes.

"But what about you? How do you feel about it? Have you tried it?"

"I'm not... very experienced on that area. Most of the tying up I've ever done in my life has been in the line of duty."

He snorted slightly.

"I thought about it after you... finished dreaming. I tried imagining it. I gotta tell you, man. I've never come that hard in my life! I'm interested, man. Very interested."

I took a deep breath and started caressing his hand as it lay on my thigh.

"I didn't know I'd wanted it, but it feels right. Maybe this is what's been missing?"

He looked at me for the longest time.

"I'm telling you, Sandburg. If you try to make me wear a collar down to the station I'm going to whip your ass but good!"

I laughed. I couldn't help it. My mind was very helpful in providing a mental image of that particular situation and man, it looked so wrong!

"No way, man! I appreciate breathing."

I pulled myself together and squeezed his hand a bit.

"Jim. First of all, I need more information on this. I need to do research, and I need to hear what you like. Then we can start experimenting on this."

"Tests, Sandburg?"

"Yeah, but I really think you'll enjoy these. In fact, I count on it."

***********

The rest of that evening we spent cuddling and talking softly. I did get to hear what kind of experience he had. He hadn't done anything in a lot of years, not since Peru. One of his buddies from that infamous trip had been his top, not his Master. I learned the difference that evening. A top was a person Jim could give in to, to get physical pain and pleasure. A Master held the key to everything.

Jim had never had a true Master.

No-one had ever made him submit completely. He had only ever obeyed a top under threat of physical discomfort, never because he wanted to please. He didn't love the guy.

He loves me.

He wants me to be his Master.

I'm scared of the responsibility right now, but at the same time I'm thrilled to the core of my soul. Jim wants me to have the key to his soul, to his entire being! Jim wants me to be in complete control. How the fuck am I going to do that?

**********

The next day I begged off going to the station. I had a lot of research to do. I spent most of the day surfing the Internet, after having concluded that the library didn't have much useful information. I learned which parts of the human body are good to play with and which are no-no zones. I also found some more info on what I could use on him, and how.

Most of the time I found those tips, I was happy to be at the Loft, since I didn't want to parade a hard-on to the entire library.

When I finally heard the key in the lock, I practically threw myself at Jim, not even letting him take off his jacket. I just attached myself to his mouth and tried to steal his breath away.

Finally I let him go slightly.

"Missed you!"

I reattached myself to him and rubbed my persistent erection against his leg.

"I want to fuck you," I whispered to him while snapping a bit of air for my starving lungs.

"I've been reading so many delicious things... and gotten so many ideas of how to please us both. I can't wait to try some of them out. But now? Now I just want to bury myself deep inside you and make us both scream."

I felt him starting to shake. His eyes dilated completely and for a brief moment I wondered how he actually saw me when he focused that deeply on me. I wondered if he could smell how turned on I was, how needy I was and figured that yes, he could.

Dragging him with me into the living room, I peeled off his jacket and dropped it to the floor. To his credit, he didn't so much as look at it. Near the stairs, his shirt was opened and dropped on the fourth step. At the seventh my shirt fell. At the top of the stairs, I stopped him and almost ripped off his slacks. Then I pushed him onto the bed, watching him land and bounce without so much as even trying to block his fall.

He knew I wouldn't let him land on something hard.

Shedding my own jeans so fast I almost got caught in the zipper, I pounced on him, attaching my mouth like a limpet to his right nipple.

He arched up against me, moaning with the sensations.

A devil flew into me and I bit him. Hard.

He howled, but didn't try to shake me off or stop me. In fact, when I let go for a moment to take a peek at my "handiwork", he whimpered a choked little "More".

I smiled and went for the other nipple, licking it, nipping gently and then suddenly biting down harder. I gave him no warning at all. He howled again and bucked up against me. I felt his cock trying to sear me with its heat against my thigh.

"This is what you like, Jim?

"Yeeeesssssss... love it. Love you."

I worked my way up to his mouth with small nips and kisses, making him sigh with pleasure. My Sentinel is so tactile-starved. Kissing him long and deep served a strange dual purpose: it both calmed and excited us. That fact has never ceased to amaze me, how kisses so hot they could set the entire city on fire also have the ability to let us calm down, let reason seep in.

While kissing, I worked on getting the last restricting pieces of clothing far away from our bodies. Jim was so busy with my mouth that I actually doubted he'd noticed. Not until he felt my hand on his cock, at least.

He bucked up towards my hand, trying to rub harder, trying to direct me.

"Shhhhh, lover. Take it easy. We'll get there."

I went down over his magnificent body again, giving a sharp nip to his nipples before licking languidly. The little gasp he emitted at each nip made me melt inside. His moan during the licks set me on fire.

Strange feeling, that. Melted fire. Oh well. I had better things to do than ponder those feelings. Better to think of how good it felt, how hot we were, how... how fucking good Jim tasted!

I needed more of him. I kissed lower, down over that smooth chest of his, tickling his belly button and nipping his lower abdomen.

I blatently ignored his cock. I knew perfectly well that he wanted me to touch him, to lick him, but I wouldn't do it... yet. He would come way too early if I did, I knew that much. Instead I went lower, licking his balls until they were dripping with my saliva and he was wantonly spreading his legs.

I looked up at him. He had his eyes tightly closed, but apparently felt my gaze. He looked at me.  I'd never seen him so much on fire before. Not even the first time we made love has he looked at me with a look so filled with fire. I liked it.

I reached for the lube, making sure he saw it and began coating my fingers. His mouth worked, but no sound came forth. I didn't need sound. I knew what he was saying, over and over.

"Please."

Reaching down to his entrance only made him shake harder and desperately try to spread wider. God, he was beautiful like this.

 The first finger went easily, almost too easily.

"Oh, you want this, don't you."

It was not a question.

Two fingers was hardly a stretch. I'd never seen him this eager before in his life. Finally at three, I encountered some resistance. He panted and bore down on my fingers, trying to get them deeper, get more. I gave him more.

Rubbing his hot spot is a sure-fire way of getting him loosened, making him want me all the more. I used it shamelessly.

I didn't let up on him until he was trying to fuck my fingers, then I slowly withdrew them.

"Please, Blair. Fuck me."

"Don't worry, my love. I will."

I coated myself generously and moved into position, cock poised at his hole.

I let him wait for several delicious moments. He was staring at me, obviously warring with himself whether to kill me now or wait until we were done.

"Blair, please!"

I looked down at him, the way he held his legs widely spread for me, the way his cock bobbed every now and then, the little pool of his fluids gathering on his belly.

I held my cock so he could feel the head touching his hungry asshole, rubbing slightly, pushing in a few millimetres.

"Want this, babe? Want my cock inside you?"

"YES! Now, dammit!"

"Giving me orders, Jim?" I asked mildly.

"Please, sweet Blair, please. Put it in me. I want it. Need you."

"You beg prettily, my love."

I pushed in a bit further, making him moan deeply in pleasure. I went slowly, as always when I took him. It would hurt me more than him if I ever did him any damage. Jim loves the way I fill him to the brim but sometimes his eyes are bigger than his appetite, and he can't handle me. Fortunately this wasn't one of those times. Slowly, but surely I slid in to the hilt, with hardly a wince from him.

I let him feel it, really feel it. He was shaking harder than before, his moans continuous.

"Just like this, eh? Giving myself to you, just as you give yourself to me. Together, Jim. We're meant to be. Can you feel the fire between us, Jim? Can you feel it licking at your soul? I can feel it. You're branding me with your love as I brand you with mine. This is right, this is good. Oh yeah, it's so good. You're good. We're perfect together."

I was babbling and I didn't care on bit about it. He was HOT. I almost didn't dare move for fear of losing it too early.

"I'm looking at you, Jim, and I see... I see you tied up while we do this. Tied to the railing while I fuck you. I see clamps on your nipples. I see in my mind how I could use a small whip on your cock. God, those images are driving me crazy. I want it, Jim. I want to have you that way. I want to be your Master!"

With the last word I started thrusting in him. A hard, almost punishing pace, slamming into him over and over. He screamed wordlessly and impossibly spread wider for me.

"Is that what you want, Jim? Is that what you need?" I gasped out between pants.

"Yes! Yes! Yes! YES!!!!"

I felt the end coming, literally. He was tensing up more and more and I knew he'd do what he so seldom had done: come on just my cock. I knew he'd bring me with him. As it was, I was fighting against coming before him. I slammed in the last few times, making him wail out his lust and his need before finally arching almost completely off the bed, come spurting from him in great arcs.

I watched, fascinated, as the spurts hit his face and slowly making its way down over his chest. It was too much for me.

"Yes, Jim. You come for me, and I'll... come... in... YOU! YES!"

I clung to him for dear life, riding out the intense waves, feeling like my spine was burning to a crisp and my brain melting.

Gasping and fighting to stay conscious, I slowly lowered to the bed, curling myself up on top of Jim. We lay there for a while, doing nothing, saying nothing, just trying to get some air into our lungs. After what felt like hours, but probably wasn't more than a few minutes, I took a deep breath and slowly started to move out of him. His ass spasmed around me, trying to keep me for a bit longer. He looked up at me, his throat working.

"Stay, please," he finally choked out.

I smiled, laid down again and kissed him gently.

"As long as you want, my love."

We cuddled for a good while longer until Jim regretfully told me that his legs were cramping. I slowly slid all the way out of him, being as gentle as I could. He still hissed a bit.

"Did I hurt you?"

"No, just... feeling it. Boy, am I feeling it."

He flashed me a soothing smile to take the sting out of his words, but I still felt guilty about fucking him so hard.

"Don't. I loved every minute of it."

Caught. Damn.

I hurried downstairs to get a washcloth to clean him with. Back upstairs, I used the opportunity to check for myself that I really hadn't hurt him. No blood. I felt relieved.

"Satisfied now?"

He knew what I'd done. I could see it in the twinkle in his eyes. I shrugged eloquently. He knows that I can't help but try and protect him, even if he's the one with the Blessed Protector title.

"So... you liked it?"

He flashed me his brightest smile, melting my heart completely.

"Loved it. Anytime you want to welcome me home like that, feel free."

I bapped him. What else could I do? Oh yeah, one other thing. I kissed him. He deserved it.

"Blair."

Serious tone of voice. I paid attention.

"I *do* want to be your slave, but not all the time. What do you say that we set up dates for it? Not as in that every so-and-so day of the month is devoted to kink, but like... going out on a date. And one other thing: can we keep it out of the Loft?"

"Jim, I wouldn't want it to be 24/7. Dates are more than fine with me, that way we can make something really special every time. I agree on it not taking place in the Loft. Here we love each other. On a date we can let go better, in my opinion. I think it'll be easier for *me* that way. Here we are equals."

I kissed him thoroughly, leaving him breathless. We only parted when his stomach growled, reminding us that he had only just gotten in the door before I attacked him. I started to rise, to go down and prepare dinner. He stopped me on my way.

"Blair. I love you. Always. Master."

Then he leaned down and kissed my foot.

A weird feeling fluttered in my belly, a warm feeling that somehow this felt right.

I replied to him the only way that felt right.

"Jim. I love you. Always. My pet."