"Wow,"
Tested breathed, hands coming up as if to catch the edge of the story he'd just
heard. " 'N they all lived happily
ever after?"
"No,
Test," Shaman said patiently.
"They all *lived,* just like now.
They were real people who did real things: hunted, fought, had
babies."
"Then
they did other stuff, right?" he asked excitedly. "Like fight Ravagers? Meet new tribes? Go new places?"
With
a hint of concern on his face, Shaman answered honestly, "Yes, there are
other stories about that time, if that's what you're asking."
"Good,"
Test said firmly, with great satisfaction.
"Tell me more. Tell me
'bout, 'bout..." his small hands waved as he apparently tried to sort
through the many possibilities in his head, "'Bout the end of t'cities,
t'very, very end."
"No
one who was there ever told that tale," Sentinel said. "But we can tell you what we know about
it."
Twisting
to look up at him with wide, eager eyes, Test said, "Would you?"
Sentinel
hesitated, knowing that parts, important parts, of that history weren't
suitable for so small a child. But all
along they had been lightly passing over what Test was too young to understand,
or phrasing things so that he got the general idea, based on what he *did* know
about adult life. Glancing down at
Shaman for guidance, he met laughing blue eyes.
"Yes,
please," Shaman said mischievously.
"Tell us about the last days of the city and its last mayor."
Rolling
his own eyes, as if giving up on human help and seeking Divine assistance,
Sentinel said dryly, "Since you asked so nicely, all right."
There were chuckles from the others around the fire, and
he waited for those to die, gathering the threads of the tale with care.
PRESENT PERFECT
"Promise
me!" Blair gasped out, fighting to make the words carry authority.
Pulling
the smaller man back firmly so that his broader chest was supporting his
half-reclining lover, Jim shook his head.
"No."
"Damn...
you..." Blair wheezed, "P...promise me!"
As
calmly as if they were discussing dinner, Jim repeated. "No."
Thumping
on one of the powerful thighs on either side of him, Blair gave up words for
the second, and simply fought to breathe.
When he'd painfully dragged a few lung fulls of air in, he looked over
at the other occupant of the bare hut and panted, "Simon!" managing
to convey with the name his wish for the former police captain to take up his
argument for him.
"Sandburg,
I couldn't get the man to listen to me when I was his boss. What makes you think he'll pay the slightest
bit of attention to me *now?*" Simon said irritably, crossing the dirt
floor to kneel beside the partners.
Wrapping several hides around one of the rare pillows of the settlement,
Simon put the bundle behind Jim, carefully not touching Blair with it, to help
cushion his friend from the wattle & daub wall. At Jim's nod of thanks - whether for the backrest or the verbal
support - he sat cross-legged beside them and took one of Blair's hands.
"And
I agree with him, Blair," he added very gently. Twitching his hand away, Blair glared at Simon, then gave his
attention back to Jim.
Robbed
of an ally, robbed of his voice, he twisted in Jim's arms enough to bring his
best weapon to bear. Knowing how wild
and wide his eyes were, how blue they would be framed by tumbled curls, he
looked beseechingly up into his companion's face. "P....please!" he forced out. "Please!"
Taking
a moment to tame some of the disorder in the unruly locks, Jim smiled
faintly. "I've had trouble saying
'no' to you since day one, Chief," he murmured. "But this time I'm saying it and sticking to it. If you go, I'm going with you. I could lie to you and say I'll live without
you, but you wouldn't buy it, anyway.
You know me better than that or you wouldn't be asking for a
promise. Now stop wasting your air
fighting me, and fight this damn disease, okay?"
"St...stub..
born, pig..g... head...."
"I
love you, too, Blair. Now, breathe for
me, babe. Breathe!"
Furious,
Blair did as he was told, ironically admitting to himself that the adrenaline
from his anger would help him do exactly that.
Far from defeated, he waited until he could sip in enough air, then
played what he hoped was his trump card.
"Children, *need,* Sentinel," he whispered emphatically, or as
emphatically as a whisper could be, anyway.
That
scored a hit on his partner, who spent almost all his free time in the nursery
with the many orphans in the settlement.
But he only wavered a second, then his jaw tightened in the familiar
way, and Jim simply shook his head again.
"Sentinel or not, I'm only one man, Chief. The older ones know all I can teach them
about survival and fighting; all they need is the experience. They'll teach the younger ones. And thanks to *you,* all the adults spend
time with the children, so I'll be missed, but I'm not irreplaceable.
"And
before you waste precious breath, let me guess your next argument. I know my duty and I'm not going to deny
that having a sentinel makes a big difference in the safety of our
people." Lowering his head so that he could speak softly directly in
Blair's ear, Jim went on. "Fuck my
duty. Fuck the difference. I've done more than my share and I'm not
going to hang around here empty and hurting with only *duty* to live on. Now, Give, It, Up, Sandburg!"
Wanting
very badly to scream at him, but feeling like his throat was the size of a
coffee stirrer, Blair had to settle for giving him the darkest look he could
muster. The thought of what his death
would cost their community made it a black one, indeed, and he unwillingly
accepted that Jim was not going to relent.
His hearing started becoming muffled, and he'd sat through enough SAR
deaths to understand it meant any decisions he had left to be made, had to be
made *now.*
Bumping
the back of his head into Jim's chest to make sure he was listening, Blair said
nearly inaudibly. "Syringe in
battery case of laptop."
Startled,
Jim still reacted quickly, barking the words out to Simon. Their friend darted out to retrieve the
needle even as Jim was reaching for alcohol from the med kit to clean an
injection site on his lover's thigh.
"Damn you, damn you - saving it for *me* weren't you? Okay to let yourself die," Jim bitched
viciously, "but not the other way around?" Simon rushed back in, and in one fast motion he took the syringe,
stabbed Blair with it, and depressed the plunger to send the ephenepherine into
the suffocating man.
Preoccupied
with trying to slow his heaving chest down, to *think* about gradually
inflating, then emptying, Blair hardly felt the sting. "Love you too," he mouthed at the
big man, finding a promise of a smile to go with the vow.
"Leave
it to you, Sandburg." Simon said grudgingly. "I don't know if I'd have the courage not to ask for a back-up
if I had one available. I do *not* even
want to know how you came by it, either.
How long ago did you use your First Defense?"
With
a motion of his fingers, Blair indicated 2 hrs since he had used the needle
that every survivor carried with them for when - not if - they would have a
Sudden Anaphylactic Reaction. The drug
had become hard enough to find that the community had decided that only one
shot could be allowed for first time victims.
It was simply too likely that whatever he or she was reacting to was
either airborne or unavoidable. Only
the very lucky were allergic to something they ate, or a specific substance
like pinesap, that they could avoid if they lived through their initial attack.
"Ok." Simon rubbed the scar covering the left
cheek of his face. "You're alive,
but still having trouble, so something common, but not impossible to stay away
from."
Since
the conversation was intended to keep both Jim and older man occupied, Blair
went along, shrugging his response.
Already he could feel the tiny bodily vibration that heralded the
effectiveness of the shot, and his hearing was clearing.
Before
Simon could start listing possible culprits for Blair's attack, Jim leaned to
where their clothes were piled and removed his gun. "Trouble coming," he said shortly. "Better talk them into leaving us
alone, Simon. I *will* shoot anyone who
comes in here - or who tries to torch the hut."
"Come
on, Jim, you can't honestly think our people would believe that mumbo jumbo
about using fire to prevent the spread of SAR.
Everybody *knows* that you have the reaction months, even years after
you were exposed to the virus."
"Then
why do all the older people hide in their own places when someone comes here to
the safe hut?" Jim shot back flatly.
"It doesn't matter what you *know* when you *feel* scared, and none
of them want to be reminded of how close to death they are. Burning out the latest victim is pure
superstition by now. Nothing to do with
the disease and everything to do with wanting to ward off your own attack.
"One
torch, Simon, I smell one torch in the light of day, and I shoot the
carrier."
Frantically
shaking his head no, Blair clutched at his partner's gun arm. "Lllllisten!" he hissed, putting
the tones of Shaman he had learned over the years into it. "Listen!"
Grim-faced,
Jim almost refused him, but the habit of obeying that particular voice was
deep. Sharpening his focus, he picked
out individual words, voices, and let his weapon droop. "Daryl?" he asked no one in
particular.
With
a look Blair sent his partner out of the hut to confront the oncoming
party. Donning his customary impassive
mask, Jim pulled on his pants and stepped out with Simon, the two of them
blocking the entrance to the dwelling.
Waiting until the both of them were distracted, Blair breathlessly
hitched his way to a crack in the wall to see outside.
People
filtered from the surrounding woods, moving quietly and with respect for where
their steps fell - like Jim and Blair had taught most of them. The majority were the orphans, but some were
the surviving members of Major Crimes or Rainier Anthropology. All had fled into the wilderness on the
promise from Sentinel & Shaman they would be shown how to survive there. They coalesced in front of the hut, standing
patiently until Daryl came to stand in front of Jim.
"Sentinel,"
he greeted with a nod of his head.
"Runner,"
Jim returned, following the young man's lead and adopting formal manners to
show that he understood that the conversation was far from idle chatter.
"Shaman
survives?"
"For
now," Jim matched his bluntness, as well.
A murmur of relief sang over the small gathering, but Jim tempered it
with a warning. "His allergen
hasn't been isolated, yet." He straightened,
nonchalantly putting his hand his hip, making the gun at the small of his back
easier to reach.
A
fragment of a smile escaped Daryl's control.
"Sentinel," he chided gently, "Many here lived in the
shadow of the isolation tents in the city. We know the disease better than most; you'll find no torches among
us. Nor will the elder's fear be
allowed to turn to fire. We came to
promise you that, and ask for a promise in return."
Tension
had drained out of the two guards to the hut, but that didn't stop Jim from
stating warily, "You can ask."
Again
there was a suggestion of a smile from Daryl, probably at Jim's choice of
words. In it Blair could see the reason
so many frightened, abused orphans had run away with him to the unknown dangers
of the woods. Then Daryl grew very,
very serious, and he moved close to Jim, ignoring his father for the
moment. "The loss of Shaman would
be tremendous blow to us all. One life
is not more important than another, but some are harder to replace. He has done his best to share his knowledge,
but no one yet can match his skill."
In
a whisper, he added, "Don't let him fight us on this, Jim?
Promise?" At Jim's reluctant,
hopeful nod, he held out his closed hand so that he could drop a hypodermic
into Jim's. "For Shaman."
Without
another word, he touched his father once on the arm and exchanged a brief
smile, then strode away and one of the others came up to Jim to repeat both the
word and the gesture. When the last
person faded into the woods, Jim was standing there with his hands full, the
muscle in his jaw working over time at keeping his face blank. Blair leaned on his forearm, swallowing hard
against the threat of tears.
Stumbling,
Jim came back into the hut, leaving Simon outside. "Chief," he started, then fell to his knees in front of
his lover, holding out his hands.
"Oh,
God," was all Blair could say before crawling onto Jim and hiding his face
in his partner's chest. Reverently Jim
set the syringes aside to wrap both arms around the smaller man, bending his
head to lay his cheek against Blair's temple.
***
"Paper! I'm allergic to paper?!" Blair twisted to glare over his shoulder at
the woman studying the scratches on his back.
"Probably
not *all* paper," Amy tried to say soothingly, well aware of the
consequences of the verdict she was delivering to her patient. "And it could be the chemicals used in
the process, not paper itself."
Throwing
his head back down onto his crossed forearms, Blair muttered angrily. "Not that it matters, since there's no
way to tell which paper is which. No
more books; no more writing." His
head shot back up. "Damn, damn,
damn, damn - no more libraries, ever.
Dust would be contaminated with paper particles. Damn!"
Wisely,
Amy didn't say anything else, and began to pack up her nurse's bag and the test
kit. Beside him, Jim also knew better
than to offer false words of comfort; he left his big hand loosely wrapped
around Blair's upper arm for what little good the contact would do. Long after Amy had gone, Blair laid on his
stomach, face down, struggling to process his loss, Jim patiently waiting all
the while.
In
the end, it was Jim who moved first, standing slowly, head going up to
listen. It roused Blair from his black
thoughts, and he stared up the long length of his lover, finding a reason to
smile for the first time that day. As
difficult as the years had been since they left Cascade, Jim reflected them
hardly at all. He was as sculpted and
buff as the first day they had met, though seriously lean now. For convenience he had taken to wearing his
hair in a buzz cut again, which made the startling color of his eyes stand out
all that much more. Oh, there were more
lines around his eyes and mouth, gray in the buzz, but the very sight of him
standing there naked and poised to act on whatever he was sensing, had Blair's
body stirring with arousal.
The
scent of that must have attracted Jim's attention - that or the mildly
accelerated heartbeat. He smiled down at
his lover, relief evident though his next words were teasing. "Keep that thought, Chief. One of the advanced scouts has some news,
and Simon is calling all the fighters in to hear it."
Easily,
Blair rolled to his side, showing off his semi-erection and the lightly haired
chest and stomach Jim loved so much.
"Go on, babe. I want to
take these," and he gestured at the needles carefully stacked to one side,
"back to their owners before they need them. Amy's already given me a replacement First Defense."
"Mmmmhmmm,"
Jim agreed absently, looking Blair over with predatory interest. His body had started to respond to the
smaller man's provocative pose, and he casually stroked along his shaft with a
single finger.
Suddenly
remembering the mad loving they had shared the night Jim survived his first
attack, Blair shivered and copied Jim's action. He knew first hand how terrifying it was to hold the most
precious person in your world in your arms, listening to them fight to
breath. In their case, Jim had been one
of the first victims of the virus, and they hadn't had a clue what was
happening. The Sentinel had lived only
because they had been at the hospital anyway, picking up Amy for a double date
with her and Simon.
It
had been a near thing anyway, because they hadn't been able to diagnose the
cause behind Jim's anaphylactic shock right away. The culprit - the wheat in a donut he'd scarfed down to hold him
over til dinner - was discovered two days later.
Two
of the longest in Blair's life because Jim kept having the attacks over and
over. Just the residue of a sandwich
left on a wrapping he had taken from Blair to throw away had set him off,
once. When the doctors had isolated it
-commenting lightly that he was part of the latest medical fad - they'd sent
him home with a hypo, a list of foods typically made in part with wheat, and
one very anxious lover.
They'd
no sooner made it through the door to the loft than Blair had *sealed* himself
to the big man's body, randomly ripping away clothes to get to bare skin. The next day they had both looked like
walking advertisements for 'slut of the month' awards, and they had worn
sloppy, silly grins most of the day.
It
took no imagination on Blair's part to guess that he had worn the same
ferocious look that night that Jim was wearing now. The Sentinel seemed ready to devour him, bones and all, and would
no doubt make Blair scream with pleasure as he did. With animal grace Jim dropped to one knee in front of him,
reaching for his lover.
Nipples
tingling as if Jim were tasting them, Blair murmured, "I thought you said
to hold that thought."
"Rather
hold you," Jim growled, taking a handful of Blair's hair.
"Yes." Was all Blair wanted or needed to say.
Half
way down for a kiss, Jim jerked back, growling again, this time in
impatience. "Yes?" he shouted
at the door.
"Sentinel,"
a young voice said timidly, "Cap'n said you need to come. Please?"
Holding
Blair's eyes hotly, Jim snapped, "On my way," and even Blair could
hear the little feet scurry away in relief.
"Go
on," Blair told him, smiling.
"Meet you at the lookout later?"
"Simon
can wait."
"Simon
knows exactly what he's interrupting so it must be important. Besides, I want a chance to get cleaned
up. A night sleeping on a dirt floor,
sweating and shaking, has left me feeling *seriously* filthy here."
"Look
good to me." Jim touched his lips
to Blair's gently, in direct contrast to the powerful grip he had on the long
hair. "Taste good, too." he
said, not moving his mouth away.
On
impulse Blair ducked down, risking a hair pull to dab his tongue on the damp
end of Jim's very ready manhood.
"Oh, yeah, taste *real* good."
Jim's
only answer was a soft moan and an involuntary lift of his hips.
Laughing
softly, Blair dodged it and sat up, pulling away slowly. "Get out of here before Simon ends up
hauling you off me at an inopportune time."
"Bite
him," Jim grumbled, forcing himself to his feet and toward the stack of
clothes. "If he messes with
us."
"Uh
huh, no bites for anybody but me, remember?" Blair teased, gratefully
pulling on his own clothes now he knew the cloth was safe for him. Luckily the spring weather hadn't been cold;
they hadn't had to worry if blankets or a fire were his triggers, though paper
particles in the smoke from the other fires in the camp may have been why his
First Defense hadn't been enough.
Suddenly
serious and sober, Jim kissed him again.
"Never anyone but you. Love
you, Blair."
Unable
to stop from melting against him for just a second, Blair hugged his partner
with all his strength. "Love you,
too, Jim."
They
parted in slow motion, but eventually Jim had to stride away into the slowly
darkening evening landscape. After a
stop at the community baths, Blair began the first of many visits to return the
syringes. At each, he thanked the donor
seriously and profusely. He was more
than a little in awe that so many would take such a risk for him, and it came
through in his words.
But
their response left him grasping, mentally, for a handhold in what was suddenly
an out-of-whack world. In every case he
was invited inside to share the fire, then his host, hostess or both would make
a pass - at Jim, through him. Every
woman offered/asked to bed the Sentinel to have a child by him. Every man offered/asked to be his bed warmer
while the big man was occupied.
Depending
on the inclination of the lady - and sometimes her partner - they would even
bargain to bed with *both* of them, if it was understood Jim's seed was for the
woman in question. And that was just the
het couples. The single ladies and
female partners were very blunt about what they wanted, and asked for it
directly, apparently willing to do whatever was necessary to conceive by his
lover.
By
the time the last were returned, it was late in the evening, and Blair was
wondering how he was going to tell Jim that their tribe had decided it was time
for Sentinel to reproduce. The hard
part of it was that Shaman agreed with them.
Sentinel's unique abilities were too much of an asset, made too much of
a difference to their people, for the traits to vanish from the gene pool. Blair just didn't know how it was possible.
There
was no chance Sentinel would ever take another lover; it would be as much a
betrayal to himself as his partner in his mind. Yet, if there were to be children from him, he would have
to. Artificial insemination no longer
worked, probably for the same reasons that made pregnancies so rare now. Because of that, a one night stand was out
of the question, too. Sentinel would
have to live with a woman to get her pregnant, and have sex with her
frequently.
There
was little chance of persuading their guardian to that, Shaman knew beyond
question. Nor did Blair think he was
going to be able to argue the case with Jim convincingly. The very idea of someone else touching *his*
Jim made Blair's whole body shake with repressed jealousy and anger.
Shaman
might know and understand the necessity; Blair couldn't wrap his mind around it
no matter how he tried.
Climbing
the embankment of the useless railroad tracks toward Sentinel's lair was a
weary task, more from the burden in his mind than from his body. Blair aimed himself toward the boxcar that
had been pushed off to one side that Sentinel had claimed. From its open door, he could look over the
countryside and keep watch on the settlement when not on patrol. They kept a home in the camp, too, but
privacy was hard to come by there, and they tended to save their lovemaking for
the guard posts Sentinel chose or created each time they moved.
When
he was nearly to the car, Blair saw his partner, outlined by the flickering
glow of a candle, standing in the door, waiting patiently for him. The sight was enough to spur him into
eagerness, and he let himself ride it away from his depression and worry. Picking up his pace deliberately, he hurried
toward Jim, then threw himself up into the threshold of the train car.
Instead
of landing on the splintered wood of the floor, his hands were caught mid-air,
and Jim hauled him up so that they were face to face. Even before he was steady on his feet, Blair fastened his mouth
onto Jim's, forcefully driving his tongue inside for a deep kiss. Jim met and matched Blair's demanding
passion, and together they stumbled toward a nest of blankets and hides in one
corner.
Not
bothering to strip the bigger man, Blair burrowed his hand into the waistband
of Jim's pants, homing in on the growing hardness there. Devouring the shout of pleasure from his
lover, he covered the head in a careful palm, then squeezed and flexed gently
around it. Jim tried to pull away,
hands scrabbling at Blair to slow him down.
Not letting him, pressing the long body into the bedding, Blair humped
powerfully, moaning. Only when Jim was
helplessly thrusting did Blair break their kiss.
Disregarding
the throbbing heaviness at his own groin, Blair unbuttoned and unzipped, then
moved his oral attentions onto Jim's chest, zeroing in on the tightened buds
there. Matching his sucking and nips to
the pattern of his lover's restless hips, Blair switched back and forth between
the rosy nipples until he felt the penis in his hand swell the extra bit that
heralded orgasm.
Lunging
down the quivering body, he took Jim's hard-on to the root in one swallow. With a last back-straining shove up that he
held, screaming, Jim emptied his load in hard jets that Blair consumed
hungrily. Melting into their bed as his
cock softened in Blair's mouth, Jim fumbled to pull the smaller man into his
arms.
Resisting,
Blair wiggled out of his own clothes, randomly licking and biting his
lover. Once naked, he removed Jim's
clothes with some half-hearted help from his mate. "Gonna eat you alive, man," he muttered, sprawling on
his stomach between Jim's legs.
"Gonna tongue fuck you until your ass thinks I'm permanently
attached."
"Blair! Oh, God, Blair!" Jim moaned, spreading
his thighs wide for him. "Do it,
lick me, eat me!"
Hardly
needing the encouragement, Blair dove into the shadowy valley, plunging his
tongue in full length into the tight pucker at its center. Instantly lost in the dark smell and feel,
he plundered the vulnerable aperture, alternating fluttering laps with driving
strokes, pressing harder and harder into the little hole. Distantly he could hear Jim's wild pleas and
cries, feel heavy shudders in the flesh under his hands as he held the big man
steady for ravishment.
When
Jim fell silent except for harsh panting, Blair tore himself away, and sat back
on his heels, absently drying his face with his own shirt. On the floor beside their pallet was a pot
of homemade oil, obviously put there earlier by his lover. Dipping his fingers into it, Blair hastily
coated Jim's renewed erection with it, then began working on opening himself.
Before
he could dip into the oil again, Jim grabbed him, ruthlessly dragging him down
onto the bed, face first. Without
prompting Blair lifted his backside, knees apart and bracing himself on his
elbows. Half expecting the bigger man to slam in, he was caught off guard by gentle
fingers testing him, making sure he was ready.
"Oh! Oh, oh," he groaned, rearing back to
take them deeper, "P.. p... oh! OH!"
Jim nudged the tiny gland hidden in his channel, making Blair rise up on
his hands and throw back his head, instinctively rocking back again, hard.
Seemingly
satisfied with his lover's readiness, Jim removed his fingers and guided
himself into Blair's body, entering him in one, long even stroke. Despite how seldom they loved this way,
Blair felt no pain, only a tug of unpleasant fullness and pulling, then the incredible
sensation of being possessed. Every
nerve in him tingled, sending the sparks straight to his dick and ass.
With
a bestial grunt, Jim held Blair's hips and glided back out, head resting just
inside the wide-stretched hole.
"Love you, babe," he said clearly, and rammed in forcefully.
All
the tingles ignited, burning their way out of Blair through his cock, spraying
his seed over his chest and stomach.
Shouting wildly, he pounded back, meeting each of Jim's powerful thrusts
with matching strength. Staying hard
even after the last of the wave shocks of ecstasy faded, he continued answering
them, loving each stroke and wanting Jim never to stop.
Nor
did it seem Jim was going to. With the
edge of need blunted by his earlier climax, and driven by the yet another brush
with mortality, his mate set a steady pace, taking his time at lifting both of
them toward their goal again. It was
wonderful, as always, and as always, Jim read when the quivering in Blair's
muscles became tinged with fatigue. Reaching
under his lover, laying along Blair's back, Jim took him in hand and began to
jack in counterpoint to his increased pounding.
Dripping
with sweat, engulfed in the heat from Jim, both within and without, Blair
shouted his approval at the change, trying to open himself more to the rod
pummeling his body. "Jim! g... please... gonna... oh, oh, oh!"
"Gonna
give it to you, babe," Jim ground out, forehead resting for a second
between his lover's shoulder blades.
"Want to see you come. Now, now, now...."
At
Jim's loving command, Blair shuddered into his finish, incoherent noises
spilling with his seed. The warmth
inside him exploded along with a growl from Jim's throat, and he automatically
tightened internally, forcing another growl of pleasure as Jim tried futilely
to get deeper into the tight channel.
He
couldn't of course, much to Blair's regret, any more than Blair could stay
upright on arms the consistency of Jello.
With a warning murmur, he finally collapsed to his side, taking his
partner with him. Jim stirred long
enough only to mop up the worst of the liquid from the slender form and
bedding, then dropped heavily into dreamless sleep, holding Blair tightly.
Waiting
until he felt Jim's breathing even out, Blair turned in his mate's arms and
began tenderly mapping each beloved feature and lean line of the resting
man. As if memorizing. As if expecting never to be able to touch
him again.
********
Taking
aim carefully at the leader of the small troop, Jim followed their progress up
the trail, assessing him and his group analytically. Though he didn't look to be more than 14 years old, his overly
thin body was scarred and battered under the flapping rags he wore. Dark hair over equally dark eyes
half-shielded a face as cynical looking as Jim felt at the moment.
Behind
him were three girls, running in ages from 8-11, Jim guessed, though it was
hard to tell when they all were so starved.
Of them, only the dark-skinned one that carried a long knife in a sheath
on her back, watching the woods warily, could be potential trouble. With a minute noise and hand gesture, he
assigned Conner to watching her.
There
was another boy in the group, 9 or 10, carrying a bundle in his arms and
shepherding two toddlers with rag ropes and soft commands. That one he motioned for Rafe to
bird-dog. If he were voluntarily
parenting those kids, it was very possible he'd get violent if he thought they
were in danger.
Odd
mix, he thought. The leader was
obviously one of the runaways in the city that lived scavenging at the edges of
the remnants of humanity there. Two of
the girls had the earmarks of being kept by short-eyes: blonde hair in too
adult style, gaudy clothing too old for them, badly applied makeup, too much jewelry. One of them was even hobbling along on badly
fitting high heels, though Jim could smell and see blood on her feet. The armed one had her head up high and
proud; maybe a lucky one who had a surviving parent to protect her?
As
for the boy taking care of the children - Jim kept wanting to let himself focus
on the brown-haired youngster. There
was something familiar about him, and at the same time he was a puzzle because
he didn't fit any of the types that had been escaping from the city the past
few years.
A
flicker of motion at the corner of his eye yanked Jim back onto task
forcefully. Blair was taking his
position, perched atop a medium sized boulder, at the edge of a clearing on the
trail. A few yards away Daryl lounged
against a tree trunk, arms crossed to create an impression of leisurely
ease. Then both froze into place, their
deerskin clothing and stillness allowing them to blend into their surroundings.
Turning
his hearing up, keeping a hand on Conner for grounding, Jim waited for the pair
to reveal themselves to the travelers.
When
they were even with the boulder, Blair said quietly, cheerfully,
"Hello. Welcome to Freedom
Range."
To
the kids, it must have seemed as if Blair appeared out of nowhere. All of them leaped back, instinctively,
looking around frantically for places to run.
Only the leader and the taller, armed girl didn't yelp. To their credit, they regrouped quickly; the
caregiver gathered the little ones close, standing beside the larger girl, and
the leader took an aggressive step forward.
Before
he could speak, Blair added, "Passing through or looking to settle?"
He
made no moves at all, practically oozed relaxed calm, and was obviously
unarmed. They studied him silently a
second, then the older boy spoke up.
"Lookin' for someone called Runner."
"Runner?"
Blair questioned, with the tiniest touch of disbelief in his voice. Despite situation, Jim grinned. It was precisely the right amount to provoke
the boy without angering him.
"*He*
says," and the caregiver was pointed to with an arrogant chin, "that
Runner is real and has a place that's good for kids. Don't know I believe him, but being out here is better'n windin'
up in a stewpot, guess." The last
was a veiled threat.
Wincing,
Jim swallowed hard, and whispered the comment to the other three fighters. Tuning out the stifled gags, he concentrated
on his partner for a second. Not of
trace of Blair's reaction showed on his face; only Jim was in a position to see
the tremor in the slight fingers.
It
didn't show in his voice though, when he softly challenged the boy holding the
children, "And what makes *you* think Runner is real?" No mockery this time; it was a sincere
question.
Shifting
the bundle in his arms, showing for the first time the sleeping face of a very
small baby, the boy answered defiantly, "Cause Shaman told me." That startled Jim, and he lowered his
gun. The kid was much to young to be
one of the conductors for the pipeline of refugees Daryl, Blair and he had set
up.
At
his words, Daryl moved for the first time, giving them another start,
uncrossing his arms and standing straight.
"Must be true then," he said, giving the other half of the
code phrase. "Shaman never lies to
children."
The
group goggled at him, too tired and frightened to believe. Expecting that, Daryl strolled forward,
coming to lean on the boulder Blair sat on.
"Though he has been known to tell a tall tale or two." The two of them shared a smile, but kept an
eye on the children while the youngsters made up their minds.
"And
we're s'pose to believe that's you, just 'cause you know what t'say," the
head boy challenged.
Shrugging,
Blair hopped off the rock.
"Believe what you like.
*We* know who we are." He walked
away, gathering deadfall from the ground while Daryl headed for the center of
the clearing and began scraping a bare spot on the dirt. Dumbfounded, the kids watched, the littlest
beginning to fidget a bit. At that
signal, Jim sent Megan on with a wave.
Having a woman appear first would hopefully alert the children to the
guards without freaking them out.
After
he had a good-sized stack of wood, Blair turned back to the travelers. "Would you like to join us for
dinner? Not much, just some stew, but
we'd be happy to share."
Dinner
was the magic word. Small tense
shoulders dropped, and tight fists restlessly rubbed over legs. Like a mildly spooked herd, they drifted
toward fire that was being made, whispering and muttering among
themselves. The oldest girl hitched at
her knife, and asked bluntly.
"What kind of stew?"
At
that, Blair looked at Conner as she materialized out of the forest, carrying a
brace of rabbits. "Rabbit stew, it
looks like," he said mildly, nodding at his friend.
A
person didn't need to be a sentinel to hear the grumbling of many young
stomachs, but the people occupied with the small tasks of setting up camp
ignored the sound. Within minutes a
fire was going, a pot had been produced, and the adults were scrounging around
the edges of the clearing looking for veggies to add to it.
A
nod sent Rafe off and Petey off with the supply packs, leaving Jim by
himself. His gun was holstered, now,
but he usually held back until last, because his size and look could be
unsettling. Especially to children that
had spent the last couple of years with good reason to fear anyone as big and
strong as him. Sighing, double-checking
the trail both ways, just in case, he kept a guardian eye on the impromptu
dinner party.
While
the children watched, Megan skinned and cleaned the animals, setting aside the
skins and brains for tanning. Rafe
melted out of the woods, handed her a supply pack and melted back again, but
the youngsters hardly noticed they were so intent on the meal preparations.
Swinging
a pot of water over the fire on an improvised tripod, Blair asked blandly,
"Anybody have any food reactions we should know about?"
The
older boy blinked, reminded of the real world, and said in a tone *almost* as
even as Blair's, "'M the only one old enough t'worry about it, but I
haven't sara'd yet. Tina," and he
pointed at the kept girl wearing high heels, "s'close."
Coming
up from behind them, hands filled with wild tubers, Daryl asked, "Got a
stick, man?"
"Me!"
the kid blurted. "Do I look
stacked enough t'be able t'grab that?"
"Hey,
no deal," Daryl said calmly.
"Got one if you want it.
Clean but no guarantees on how strong, y'know?"
"What
for?"
"Nada. First one is a gimme." Daryl kept his
eyes on cleaning the roots, not visibly responding to the suspicious tone in
the teen-agers voice.
"Yeah,
right," he snorted.
Unexpectedly,
the boy holding the baby asked, "How long before the food is
ready?" The question diffused growing
tension, and drew everyone's attention to the whimpering noises both of the
toddlers were making. They were hanging
onto him, one to a leg, chewing on their fists. Jim could tell the babies understood food was coming, but were
confused about the source.
"Hey,
sorry." Blair dug into one of the
packs and pulled out trail mix.
"Little ones got teeth?
This has nuts and chopped dried fruit."
With
half a nervous smile, the boy took the mixture. "We'll manage."
The
exchange - and a visible gift - was the icebreaker needed. Before long the children were talking
normally, giving their names and some details about the trip out, often talking
around mouthfuls of trail mix. The
appearance of the rest of the scouting party caused protective hunching over
the food, as if they were afraid it would be taken, but that vanished as the
fighters merely made themselves comfortable by the fire.
Bets,
the girl carrying the machete, and Pol, the boy taking care of the babies,
started peppering Blair, Daryl, and anybody else who listen for two seconds
about how they got the rabbits and knew which veggies to eat. Patient answers encouraged them, as well as
filled in the wait for the stew.
Staying
on guard until Rafe came to relieve him, Jim entered the makeshift camp,
deliberately making enough noise for the children to hear him coming. They looked up, eyes going wide, as he went
to the pot and took a portion for himself.
Whether it was his unconscious 'alpha male' posture that Blair teased
him about, or simply his size, every heart beat, even the toddler's, abruptly
accelerated and a wash of fear scent overpowered the cooking and wood smoke.
Despite
having had it happen every time they met a party of young refugees, it still
hurt. Resigning himself to it, yet
again, he crossed over to where Blair perched on a log pulled up to the fire,
and sat on the ground beside him. Long
ago they had learned it was reassuring, for some reason, for Sentinel's
relationship to the Shaman to be made clear right away. Seeing him lean on his partner's leg while
Blair trifled with his hair or pet his shoulder confused them, or caused the
occasional grimace of disgust, but also let them accept him as harmless.
For
once though, Jim didn't care what the others needed. All he cared about was that he was next to Blair, touching him,
feeling his heat, and his lover would have no choice but to let him. Gut clenching painfully at half-anticipated
rejection, he soaked up the sensation of being with Blair, hiding his need for
it behind the motions of eating.
Ever
since Blair had sara'd, he had been drawing further and further away from Jim,
leaving the older man feeling bewildered and more than a little lost. Though they shared a home and a bed, they
had not made love, or exchanged more than brief kisses and hugs in all that
time. Paradoxically, Blair clung to his
presence, going out of his way to accompany Jim on forays or help him with
tasks. If was as if his mate couldn't
bear to have him out of his sight, but couldn't bear to touch him either.
Ignoring
the children studiously ignoring him, Jim ate, listening to the idle chatter
and betting with himself whether Stush would get down to business first, or if
Blair would. Stush would be his guess;
To Jim's senses he was too anxious, too keyed up at being so close to promised
safety to play it as cool as he probably thought he needed to.
Jim
ducked his head lower over his dish to hide the trace of humor in his eyes when
the young man set aside his bowl. With
a surprising vestige of manners, Stush said, "Thank you; that was very
good."
"You're
welcome. Bet it's been a long time
since you had fresh meat." Daryl replied.
All
the adults pretended not to notice the uneasy looks on the older children's
faces, but Stush determinedly set his jaw, and went on. "Ya eat like this al'time?"
Laughing
softly, Blair shook his head.
"This was only trail rations, guys. Most of the time we eat better; it's only in the dead of winter
we have to worry about food. Sometimes then
the supplies get a little low, and meals get kinda boring." His voice grew both hard and assuring. "But there never has been and never
will be *any* meat at our fire that once talked and walked on two legs."
There
was a 'yeah, right' expression on the teenager's face, but he didn't verbally
challenge Blair's claims. "Whata
y'have t'do t'get fed?"
"If
you're a member of our tribe, you mean?" Daryl asked. He shrugged. "Same as you have to in any family: do your share of the
chores, treat the other members with respect, stay out of trouble."
"Chores?"
Pol put in, "Like what?"
"Everybody,
and I do mean everybody, from the Cap'n down to the newest adult, takes turns
working nursery, standing watch, hunting, picking food, tending fires, cooking
- you name it, if it's gotta be done, we all do it once in a while so that no
one has to do it all the time," Blair said firmly. "That way, if you want to spend time
learning, or there's something you're good at you want to do, like making
clothes, you can do it."
"Learning?"
the one kept girl, Lil, who had yet to speak finally ventured.
"Just
about anybody will teach you anything they know, if you want them to. None of it's required, but some of it's a
good idea. Fighting, for instance, or
woodcraft: how to find your way if you're lost or how to keep warm in a
blizzard. We're really lucky; we have a
doctor and a nurse, both of whom are willing to train anybody to be a
medic," Blair explained, off-hand, but his eyes were fixed on Pol, whose
face was lighting up.
Once
again Jim felt the tug of familiarity, like he should know the child, and he
looked up at his partner, trying to gauge if Blair felt it, too. There was an odd quirk to the other man's
brow, but he kept his focus on the group as a whole. "In fact, if you want to join us, you'll be meeting both of
them right away. You see, we don't have
a lot of serious rules, but one of them is that nobody, *nobody* has sex unless
Dr. Dan or Amy says it's okay first.
And I'm going to tell you right now, they never okay for kids until
they're old enough to sara, at least."
The
looks on the youngsters varied from huge relief to astonishment, but none of
the adults at the fire remarked on it.
Without seeming too, Jim took careful note of each child's physical reaction,
too, knowing Blair would ask, later.
Jim let his own rage rise and fall again, as it had many times since
he'd realized that the orphans and many of the surviving women in the city had
become property to whoever could pay the Mayor. The beautiful children, like Tina, went to pedophiles right away;
others had become slave labor, but that didn't make them immune from being
abused at some adults' whim. Women were
passed around from man to man until they outlived their attractiveness and were
killed.
"What
happens if you do it, anyway?" Tina demanded belligerently, not surprising
any of the adults and yanking Jim's mind back to matters on hand. It had to be terrifying to her to have the
only asset she'd had to deal with adults taken away from her.
For
the first time, Jim spoke.
"Depends. We decide as
problems come up."
Beside
him, hand going to the back of Jim's neck to soothe him, Blair added flatly,
"Sentinel once caught a man raping a child. He beat him to death with his bare hands."
Not
acknowledging the their gasps and spotting the sly, calculating look in Tina's
eyes, Jim went on, as flatly. "The
one time a person was falsely accused, the child was spanked in public and not
allowed out of the children's compound for a entire season. And no one trusted her for much longer than
that." No sounds from the kids
this time, but they all traded looks.
"As
if you'd know who was lying or not," Stush muttered for them all, at a
level only Jim could hear.
"One
of the advantages," Jim said, catching and holding the older boy's
startled eyes, "of never lying to a child is that Shaman *always* knows
when he's being lied to."
"Or
at least my Sentinel does," Blair murmured strictly for his lover, love
and amusement mixed in his voice. The fingers
stroking and caressing him encouraged Jim, and he tilted back his head to smile
up at his mate. With a languid blink,
Blair grew a smile to match it, both of them lost in the shared moment.
Not
knowing the image of loving security and belonging they presented gave the
tired, frightened troop the last bit of encouragement they needed to
trust. A little bit, anyway.
Boldly
taking seconds from the pot, Pol gave the toddlers more food, and Daryl sat
beside them to help supervise.
Unwrapping the baby, who'd just started to fuss, Pol asked with some
exasperation, "What do you do for diapers out here?" He pulled out
some smelly rags to change the tiny girl.
"Same
as you, but with better materials.
Here, give me a second...." Blair answered, jolted out of his
lover's daze and going for his pack.
As
the wet cloth was taken away from infant's skin, she started whimpering in
earnest, and Jim could see her bottom was raw and red. "Wait a second, Shaman. The baby's going to need meds first,
see?"
"Wow,
*bad* diaper rash, man." Blair thought a second, checking out the
irritation himself. "Why not just
put a pad under her for a while, let that air dry after she's cleaned," he
suggested to Pol, careful not to appear to usurp the boy's role. "It'll help it heal better when you put
the cream on it. You can stay close to
the fire with her so she'll stay warm."
Nodding,
Pol took the cloth Blair offered.
"Wow! This is soft; maybe
she'll won't cry so much when I change her now."
Sympathetically,
Blair gave him the cream as well.
"Can't hurt, that's for sure.
She's a fussy baby?"
"Oh,
not s'bad," Pol denied, settling the infant in his arms. "Hasn't been
eating, though." He took out a
baby bottle and can of formula, while Lil produced a small cook pot and reached
for the hot tea water to warm the bottle when he'd finished.
He
cracked open the can, and without thinking, Jim reached out and jerked it
away. "That's gone bad!"
Angrily,
holding the baby close, Pol tried to snatch it back. "Hey! Gimme back!"
Moderating
his voice, Jim held the can away and said as quietly as he could. "We'll replace it, Pol, I promise. But the milk has gone bad; I can smell
it."
"Date
on t'can's good!" he insisted, but didn't try again to take it back.
"Doesn't
mean it can't be bad." Jim raised
his voice to be heard over the crying baby, but kept it gentle. "Shaman is already fixing something up
for her."
Seeing
the byplay, Blair had taken an emergency ration of corn syrup from Daryl, and was
adding it to warmed water. "Not as
good as milk," he warned, coming close enough to hand the bottle to
Pol. "But..." He trailed off as the infant stopped crying
abruptly, and began waving her miniscule fists at the oncoming bottle.
"You
said she hadn't been eating," Jim asked slowly, watching her lips purse
greedily around the rubber nipple.
"And that she cries *after* you change her into those scratchy
rags."
"Yeah,
so?" Pol said distractedly,
jiggling the baby gently.
"Mind
if I hold her for a second?" At
Jim's question, Pol's head shot up, and it was plain he wanted to say no. Jim waited patiently, letting the youngster
make up his own mind. Taking a second
to peek at Blair, standing behind him, he wasn't surprised to see his partner's
'I'm thinking very hard and fast here,' expression.
As
if offering Jim a great treasure, Pol held out the baby, and Jim took her with
the reverence the youngster seemed to need for reassurance. Before Jim touched her, though, he paused,
feeling her tiny body's warmth on his upturned palms. As if she felt *his* warmth touch her, she turned her
scrunched-up face toward him, eyeing him around her bottle.
At
a level no one but he could hear without touching him, Jim began a rumble deep
in his chest. During his visits to the
tribe's nursery, he'd learned that the vibration and sound was comforting
during a cuddle to children of all sizes, but especially new ones. As his hands scooped her from Pol's, she
gave a contented gurgle around her bottle, and relaxed completely, blue-veined
eyelids drooping over cloud-gray eyes.
Astounded,
he half turned toward Blair, bringing her up to his chest. "Did you..."
"Yessss,"
Blair breathed. "Felt you before
you touched, heard you before she was held, smelled the food coming, knew from
the taste the milk was bad... And damn
me if I'm wrong, but as young as I think she is, she shouldn't have been able
to *see* you yet, Jim. I'd swear, I'd
*swear* she was studying you before you held her."
"You
don't think it's possible to tell so soon?" Daryl asked, understanding
beginning to dawn as he watched Jim rock the infant.
Leaning
onto Jim to look at her over his lover's shoulders, Blair said, "Well,
it's not as if I had someone I could ask about him, you know? Best I ever got out of Sentinel's father was
that he guessed he was 'different' right away."
Digging
both hands into her wrap, Pol pulled at her just as she broke into frantic
tears again. "What're..."
Automatically
Jim shoved himself into the boy so that the baby was held securely between
them, and her cries hushed immediately.
Startled, Pol looked straight into Jim's eyes, and the big man
felt/heard an echo of the same sensation he remembered from the first time he'd
looked into Blair's. Before the boy
could retreat, Jim cupped one of his elbows carefully. "You know she's special, don't
you? Just like we do."
Pol's
face crumpled unexpectedly, and Blair laid his hand on the too-thin shoulder
from where he stood behind his partner.
"We're not going to take her from you, Pol," he
comforted. "I don't think that's
possible without hurting her really bad."
Not
crying, worn past tears, Pol shook his head slowly. "I don't know what t'do!
I didn't know t' milk was bad, I let her bottom get a'sick, I..."
"Did
you ever even *hold* a baby before you started taking care of her?" Jim
broke in, voice firm. "Change a
diaper before? Fix a bottle? *Look* at her, Pol."
The
baby sentinel had finished its meal, and was snuggled into Pol's chest, half asleep
and beating her fist erratically onto him, though Jim's arms were the ones
supporting her still. Gingerly, giving
the child plenty of bolt room, Jim took Pol into his lap, infant and all,
rocking both. "You did the best
you could when nobody asked you to.
You've protected her, took care of her, held her, *loved* her when there
was no one else to do it."
Sinking
down beside his lover, Blair wrapped his arm around Jim's waist, holding the
pair from the other side. "That
makes you her Guide, Pol, and though you don't know what that means yet, you've
been doing a great job."
"Is
that like being a mom," Bets cut in tightly, holding her knife in her
lap. "Or like being a Sweet
Daddy?"
Looking
over at her, seeing the toddlers safely ensconced in Daryl's lap, already half
asleep, Blair told her firmly.
"It's like nothing you've seen or heard of, Bets, cause it doesn't
exist in the city, as far as I know.
You'll just have to watch and decide for yourself what it is."
Filling
his voice with comfort, Blair studied her, Stush, Lil and Tina in turn. "Touching doesn't have to mean
sex. It can mean 'warm' or 'safe' or
'loved.' And if you don't like the way
someone is touching you, kick them where it hurts and run to *any* body in our
tribe to help you. They will, though I
know you don't believe me, yet."
The
mixture of skepticism and hope in them was painful to see, so Jim asked,
"A scavenger, two kepts, *three* babies, a daughter, and I don't have a
clue *what* Pol is - how'd you wind up traveling together, anway?" He directed it mostly toward Stush. If the teenager were settled, the others
would be, too.
Shrugging
Stush shot back, " S'important?"
"Naw,
just curious."
Idly
making marks in the dirt, Stush thought about it for a second, then volunteered,
"Aren't many scavvy's left, y'know?
Ravager's been huntin' us for food.
Them's not caught, starved. Not
much left t'find a'more; been t'way for a while." Shrugging again, staring at the ground, he
went on. "Got careless; fell
asleep, din't wake up fast enough, got snatched. Put me inna pen with them." He gestured to include all the
children.
Bits
took up the story, as he fell silent.
"My dad was a hydroponics professor - you know the word? - at
Rainier." Hearing Blair's heart
jump, Jim gave his partner a hidden squeeze.
"We've been providing food for the Mayor and his men, but a few
weeks ago some of his people turned on him, and there was a big fight, and they
tried to take the 'ponics, but destroyed it instead, and Dad was killed, and they
took me so I could run the 'ponics, but they *broke* too much, and I tried to
hide that, but they figured it out, and..." Suddenly she clapped her hands over her mouth, velvet black eyes
wide, as if astounded by the out-pouring from her own mouth.
"And
she ain't pretty 'nough for a Sweet Daddy," Tina cut in cattily, "So
she wound up in t'pen."
"And
*you* are?" Bits snorted.
"Then why were you there?"
Uneasily,
Tina fussed with her clothes.
"Daddy got mad t'me and put me in t'scare me, 'sall. He woulda come 'n got me. He woulda."
Again
Jim hid his reaction, knowing all too well the credo of a pedophile is 'after
eight, too late.'
"My
dad was a musician back before the crash," Pol volunteered when Tina trailed
uncertainly, sounding half-sleep and sad himself. "We've been traveling around with some others, stopping at
different places, seeing how many people were left and how they were doing,
singing for supper and sharing what we'd seen.
Like, like...." He fumbled for a word he'd probably heard his
father use.
"Bards?"
Blair said. "A long time ago there
were men who did that so that people would know what was going on in the
world. Most places, they were
respected."
"Yeah,
bards. And we *were* treated nice,
mostly. But we learned to stay away
from the big cities; they went too bad too fast. Guess we shoulda figured sooner or later the badness would spill
out. We got caught by the Ravagers in a
little place, not much more than some farms and a dozen or so people. They killed everybody old enough to sara,
just for the fun of it, looked like; me and the toddlers are the only ones
left. Mike's the boy and Sammy's the
girl, by the way."
"And
the baby?" Blair asked, only Jim hearing his eagerness.
"Haven't
named her; didn't seem t'be a'point."
Lil whispered, arms crossed on her knees, head resting on them. "Her mamma ran my Daddy's place, but
having t'baby made her really, really sick.
She never got up again after laying down t'have her, though she made
milk for her for a coupla days. Daddy
didn't want t'be bothered with a baby after Housekeeper died, and sent her to
t'pen. I, uh, uh..."
To
everyone's surprise Tina scooted over to Lil and hugged her. "She really loved Housekeeper, and was
sneaking down with milk and stuff for her baby."
Stush
scooted over to sit on the other side.
"When Pol figgerred out how t'get us out, she helped us sneak past
all t'guards."
"That
was very brave of you, Lil," Daryl said.
"To help like that."
The
young blonde girl hid her face and hunched in on herself, only relenting in her
closed off posture enough to lean into Tina a little.
Wanting
to give her a chance to fade into the background the way she seemed to prefer,
Jim asked the Pol, "How did you
know about Runner and Shaman?"
Through
a yawn, Pol mumbled, "E'body knows about Runner and Shaman. Oldster at last camp tole me t'words t'say
as he was dying, and which way to go."
"It
looks," Daryl teased Blair, firelight and laughter dancing in his dark
eyes, "like we've become a legend, m'man."
"Great. I spend my life studying them," Blair
mock groused, "only to wind up a subject in my own field."
There
was a shy half smile on the corner of his mouth, though, and Jim laughed,
hugging him. "How's it feel being on the other side of the text book for a
change, Chief?"
Cuddling
close, head practically next to Pol's on Jim's chest, Blair chuckled, "You
are *not* going to let me live this down, are you?"
Unable
to help himself, though he was usually more conservative around children, Jim
dropped a kiss onto the soft cap of hair.
"Best I can do is promise not to write a thesis on you."
"Ha,
ha, ha." Blair tilted back his
head, apparently intending to add words to his sarcastic laugh, but both speech
and his good humor faded, colored over by a flush of passion and love. Mesmerized by it, Jim slowly lowered his
head again, deeply inhaling the waft of fresh arousal from his mate and
unintentionally licking his lips.
Moistening
his own, Blair offered up his mouth in anticipation. Jim had time for one succulent taste before his lover broke away
unexpectedly, withdrawing completely by standing, scrubbing his hands over his
thighs abstractedly. "Sentinel,
Runner, will we be spending the night here or moving on once the moon comes
up?"
Reverting
back to his public persona, Jim pushed away his confusion and hurt, and
concentrated on the business at hand.
"Tina's feet need looking at, and I think the toddlers are out for
the count. Scouts didn't see any others
coming up the trail. I say, stay."
With
a nod, his own face a mask, Blair agreed.
"We'll need more wood then, and to set watch." Pulling his own blanket from the roll, he
tossed it to Jim. "Let Pol use this; I'll get spares for the others while
you tend any injuries."
Jaw
muscle jumping, Jim began to wrap Pol and the baby up, taking care not to wake
either of them. As efficiently and
gently as possible, he saw to the other children, finished his share of camp
chores, and left, obstensively to take first watch, but knowing he'd not sleep
at all that night unless he could turn off his frustration at Blair's behavior.
Hours
later, leaning on a wide tree trunk, ears and eyes roving over the moon lit
landscape, Jim adjusted his erection in his fatigues for the third time and
wished he could turn off his libido, too.
Every time he thought he was totally absorbed in the mindset of
guarding, it would send a twinge of pure lust through him painfully. It didn't help that the light breeze would
occasionally carry a suggestion of Blair's scent on it.
Not
the sexual excitement from earlier; just his normal, everyday aroma, which,
unfortunately, Jim had always found just as sexy. Half wishing he could work up some anger at his mate for his
perplexing behavior, Jim sighed and rubbed at himself. His stupid dick was obviously not as willing
as he was to let Blair take his time at working out whatever it was troubling
him. Not that he was that understanding
himself, but he knew better than to tackle Blair until his lover was
ready.
His
erection, hearing only 'Blair was ready' shot all the way up to full length
again, digging painfully into the covering over it. With another sigh Jim gave in, and freed it. Just wanting to get it over with, he stroked
himself briskly, seeing in his mind's eye Blair laying on his back, legs spread
invitingly, doing the same.
"Ah,
God, babe," he mumbled, eyelids drifting down so he could see the memory
of his lover better. "Miss you,
Blair, miss you so much...." He
darted his tongue out to his lips, taste dialed all the way up, hoping to find
a trace of Blair left there. There was
just a hint, but enough for Jim to savor, pretending he'd just been kissed and
was performing for Blair's pleasure.
"Good, good, good," he grunted. "Jack yourself for me, come for me, come with me." Groaning, he thrust into his fist, pumping
himself almost brutally.
An
answering groan matched his, coming from in front of him, and his eyes flew
open to see Blair standing there, mouth open and panting. Too close to climax to stop, desperately
needing his mate, all Jim could do was whimper Blair's name.
With
shaking hands, Blair tore open his pants, releasing himself, already high and
hard, head damp with need. His musky
scent swarmed out, hit Jim like a baseball bat, sending him to his knees.
"Yesssss,"
Blair hissed, "Suck me! Please,
please, please... ahhhhhhhh... Jim!"
Eagerly
covering the plum-dark crown of Blair's cock, Jim swirled his tongue over the
springy flesh, sweeping up every drop of flavor to be had. Gently probing the tiny slit to capture
more, he cupped Blair's backside in one large palm and coaxed his lover into
using his mouth. Opening wide, he slid
down the hard length, humming in satisfaction as he did.
"Ahh...
love that, love *you,*" Blair murmured, rocking urgently, hands skittering
everywhere over Jim's head, shoulders and back. "Love you, Jim, loveyouloveyou..." His voice rose until he was shouting the
words.
Already
primed by the marvelous feel of Blair in his mouth, his scent burning into his
mind, Jim fell over the edge with his lover, pearly fluid gushing onto the
ground as Blair's seed streamed down his throat.
Feeling
Blair's knees give before he started to sag, Jim braced the smaller body on the
way down, clutching it close to him.
They wound up kneeling beside each other, Blair's torso draped over
Jim's, head nestled into the crook of his lover's neck. Content for the moment, Jim simply held him,
nuzzling at his cheek or brow once in a while.
Blair
hugged him around the waist, hands digging into the fabric of Jim's shirt at
the small of his back. Before long,
though, the material threatened to give under the strain as Blair held on
tighter and tighter, as if trying to shove himself past skin and into Jim's
soul.
"I
can't do this anymore," Blair whispered despairingly. "I can't do this anymore."
"Do
what, Blair?" Jim whispered back, mind swirling with possibilities: go
without reading, nourish and succor the hearts and souls of their tribe, live
in the wilderness like a primitive?
"Be
with you like this. I can't do it, I
can't." But he held on even
tighter, arms trembling with the force of it.
Once,
a long time ago, a chopper had fallen out of the sky in a breathless,
terrifying drop, and as it fell the whole world had become a soundless,
colorless empty bubble that had held Jim suspended in its center. Then, like now, he knew that there was going
to be unbelievable pain when the ground came up to hit him, but for a few
precious seconds there had been a cushion of non-reality that let him function
at superhuman speed and clarity.
He
used that clarity ruthlessly, and said mildly, betrayed only by his own
crushing hold on his partner, "Why?"
"Cause
it's wrong. I love you so very much,
but it's wrong."
"Wrong?" Not just going to hit the ground, later, he
thought distantly, going to hit concrete with steel spikes imbedded. "You've always believed, *I've* always
believed love *can't* be wrong."
"It's
not! We're not, but we are, too, and I
know that doesn't make sense, *I* don't make sense here, but it is, Jim, it is
wrong, oh, help me, help me, I don't want it to be like this, but it is! You have to help me!"
The
pleading for understanding in Blair's voice would haunt Jim for the rest of his
life, but at the time, all he could think of to say was, "Do you want me
to leave?"
"No,
no, no, no," Blair moaned, almost in a fever delirium, grinding his face
into Jim's flesh.
Swallowing
hard, Jim asked tentatively, "Are you going to leave?"
At
that Blair's head shot up, tear-colored eyes meeting Jim's in shock. "No!
How could I? Jim, they were
willing to *die* for me, I have to stay, you can see that, right?"
Holding
back the comment that he wouldn't have let him leave the relative safety of the
camp, anyway, Jim smoothed the hair away from Blair's face, trying to calm
him. "No, of course you can't
leave." His hand paused, and he
ventured, "Will you still be my Guide?"
That
brought a quiver to Blair's lips that was almost enough to prick the insulating
calm surrounding Jim. "I... I ...
hadn't thought.. you've not zoned in so
long... so focused and in control..."
"Because
you *live* with me, Blair. Work with
me, fight with me. You haven't been
more than the sound of your heartbeat away from me since we left
Cascade." Jim explained
patiently.
"I...
I..."
Suddenly
afraid that his lover was going to implode from the pressure within, Jim sent
his thumb over the stuttering lips.
"It's okay, it's okay," he murmured. "I'll sleep in my lookout from now on; I won't, uh..."
He hesitated, wanting to promise never to touch Blair again, but couldn't bring
himself to lie. "I won't," he
exhaled sharply, "Make a pass or expect you to, either, all right? We've been keeping Jim and Blair so separate
from Sentinel and Shaman, it won't be hard be a team like always, for the
tribe. Privately... I.. I think you're
going to have to keep your distance, Chief."
Looking
inhumanly miserable, Blair nodded. With
audible creaks and pops, he released Jim's shirt and sat back on his
heels. One fist going up to his mouth,
he scraped at his mouth, and began, "I'm s..."
"Shut
up!" The harsh words exploded out
of Jim without conscious decision.
Recoiling, Blair sprang to his feet, as if expecting to need to
run. Seeing that, seeing the ground
loom up dangerously, Jim forced himself to say calmly, patiently. "You're doing what you have to do,
Sandburg. Being sorry for it isn't the
least bit of help to me, and is pretty meaningless under the
circumstances. Spare me."
"Oh! Uh, I guess..." He took a single step
back, visibly drawing in a breath and trying to center himself. "Even though there's nothing I can say,
I keep wanting to try, anyway. And
that's making it worse, isn't it?"
At Jim's hard nod, he stepped back again. One more time he tried to speak, stopped himself, then turned to
flee through the forest back to the camp site.
Jim
didn't watch him go; couldn't watch him go.
His precious time of suspension was gone. Slamming into agony face first, he had a split second to wonder
if he was going to survive this crash, then he was shattered, scattered,
destroyed on the unforgiving surface of black rejection.
Dawn
found him crumpled loosely like discarded trash on the forest floor, barely
breathing, no longer alive regardless of the functioning of his body. Down by the fires, children stirred and
mumbled sleepily, the fire was built up so that it snapped and crackled warmly,
breakfast was started. Adults chatted
among themselves, talking about the trip ahead, packing the bedding away as
they did.
The
body laying so still heard/smelt/saw all that, but it was meaningless to
it.
Then
a baby cried, piercingly, shrilly, rising in volume in spite of all the
soothing, calming, petting that was bestowed on it. Automatically, empty blue eyes tracked to the sound and locked
onto the infant's, each impossibly seeing into the other. Slowly, slowly, the child howling all the
time, animation returned to Sentinel's face, and he stood shakily.
Walking
as if recently crippled and only beginning to heal, he moved toward the
camp. "Thanks, baby, for reminding
me," he mumbled. At his words, it
began to wind down into hiccupping sobs, finally allowing its Guide to comfort
it, with Shaman talking Pol through it patiently. Hanging his survival on the hope the infant provided, he told the
distant man, "Looks like I end up living on nothing but duty, after all,
Chief."
***
"Mags." One young treble voice suggested.
"Cara." Hard to tell at this age, but that one
could have been a boy's blurted offering.
"Mischa,"
Lil tried timidly, but there was a hoot of disagreement from the youngsters
clustered on the ground around Blair, Pol and the infant sentinel.
"Boy's
name," several argued, and Lil tried to shrink into the crowd.
Patting
her arm reassuringly, Pol disagreed, "Boy's name, girl's name, they're all
just *names*, doesn't matter s'long as it fits, right?" He said it directly to Lil, surprising a
tentative smile from her.
Backing
him, Blair added, "You could say my given name is a girl's, but I can't
imagine any other one being better for me."
That
set everyone off on given and earned names in general, and Blair finished treating
the infant's bottom, handing her back to Pol for diapering. Without thinking, like he always did these
days, he looked for his Sentinel, easily spotting him on the other side of the
nursery compound. The big man was
teaching elementary fighting moves to Stush, Bets, and several other recent
arrivals.
Obstensively,
Tina was being taught, too, but she was really standing to one side, trying
desperately hard to flirt with Jim. She
was dolled up again in the tawdry things she had worn from the city, and was
using any excuse to try to fondle the sentinel. Blatantly ignoring her, Jim went on with his lessons, only his
frequent scans of the area to make sure other adults were present giving away
his uneasiness.
Sighing,
grateful beyond belief that everyone had decided that no adult should ever be
alone with any of the children, Blair tried again to think of something to do
to help the girl. Like most mattress
backs - children passed from owner to owner, valued only for her body - she was
having a terrible time adjusting to a life where sex was casual and
unimportant.
She
had decided Sentinel was the most powerful man in the camp, and was determined
to make him her Sweet Daddy, despite being told no man of their tribe would be
interested in having a kept. Needing
not to believe that, she was pursuing Jim relentlessly. Already she had snuck out of the nursery
once, climbing into Sentinel's bed and waiting for him there.
Blair
couldn't help a huge grin. His partner
had scooped her up, carried her kicking and screaming to Amy, and insisted that
the nurse confirm he hadn't sexually touched the girl. That had not only protected him from any
claims Tina might make, but humiliated her to the point she'd never try that
again on another male.
Smile
fading a bit, Blair shook his head consideringly. Maybe Tina had the right idea though. It seemed the only way *any* female was going to make it to Jim's
bed was by simply showing up there.
Since it had become clear that he and Jim were separated, the women of the
tribe had tried everything else to seduce the Sentinel. Flirting, asking outright, feeding him,
having their male partners approach him, everything.
Politely,
firmly, Jim turned all of them down.
Over and over, Blair tried to persuade himself it was because Jim was
still getting over their breakup. He
kept failing because Jim didn't act as if it *were* over between them. Nothing, *nothing* had changed in the way
his partner treated him except that they slept alone. It was as though it had never happened at all, and Jim expected
Blair to come into his arms if he reached, like always.
Face
blank to hide his despair, Blair admitted that if Jim did reach, he would fall
onto his lover like the starving animal he was. Much as they confused him, he ate up Jim's attentions, returning
the open affection, unable to convince his heart their relationship was done.
"What
do you think, Shaman?" A young voice repeated impatiently.
Forcefully
Blair dragged his attention back to the ongoing discussion. "I agree with Pol," he said. "Her given name doesn't matter as long
as it fits; she has an earned name waiting for her, if she chooses it."
"In
fact," Jim broke in, wiping sweat from his face and throwing himself down
beside Blair to rest, "Pol should name her. Unless and until she chooses otherwise, he will be her
teacher. That's a lot of
responsibility; he should get some privileges to go with it, don't you think?
There
was a general murmur of agreement from the on-lookers, and Pol stared down into
the baby in his arms, absently playing with a tiny red ringlet. "Just her teacher?" he asked
sadly. "Not her guide, like Shaman
is for you?"
Hurting
inside for the young man who obviously already loved the young sentinel deeply,
Blair opened his mouth to speak, only to have Jim beat him to it.
"I
had several teachers until Shaman found me," Jim told Pol solemnly. "They were very important to me, and if
things had been different, one of them might have become my Guide. But you have to give her the opportunity to
live, to learn, to understand her heart."
"Different
how?" Pol asked, apparently intrigued by a peek into an adult Sentinel's
mind.
"I
knew who my guide was from the day he was born," Jim told him, catching
and holding Blair's gaze. "But even
after I actually met him, it took me a few years to realize he was who I had
been waiting for. I had to grow,"
he thumped his chest meaningfully, "in here for that to happen. Even if she grows up *knowing* you're her
Guide, Pol, she might have to struggle with accepting that. *You* might have to struggle with it
yourself; it's a hard, thankless, infuriating place to have in a sentinel's
life."
Suddenly
breathless, aching, Blair broke the hold the brilliant shimmer of love in Jim's
face had on him, and re-focused on the youngster.
Humming
lightly under his breath, rocking with her, Pol shook his head as if astounded
anybody could question his devotion to the baby.
"What's
her name?" Blair asked softly, taking advantage of his mental
pre-occupation.
"Lexi,"
Pol answered promptly, then looked up, blinked, and laughed delightedly. "Her name is Lexi."
Jim
leaned up over her, brushed a kiss over her brow, and whispered, "Hi,
Lexi."
Taking
his lead, Blair did the same, as did all of the children. That done, the smallest members of the tribe
scattered to share the news, chattering excitedly as they did. The only exception was Tina and Bets who was
determinedly trying to toss Conner on the ground with her newly learned judo
hold.
Propped
up on his elbows, Jim laid stretched out lazily, watching his former co-worker
with a smile sketched lightly on his face.
Wondering what he was finding so amusing, Blair twisted in his seat to
look over the action, seeing only Megan moving Tina slowly through the same
moves.
"Okay,
you must be hearing something I'm not," he falsely grumped. "Give it up; what's so funny?"
Head
tilting back to be able to see Blair better, Jim answered, "Conner told
Tina that I liked strong, capable women, who could fight and hunt. Guess who's showing *much* more interest in
self defense?"
With
a snort of amusement, Blair paid closer attention to the woman and child, and
was the first to shout his approval when Tina successfully tossed her much
bigger instructor. For a second the
girl stared astonished at Megan as she clambered back onto her feet, praising
her lavishly. Then her face broke into
a tremendous grin, and she positively bounced at Conner for another try.
"First
step," Jim murmured.
"Good-bye kept girl; hello young warrior. Wanna bet in a few weeks she'll have a hell of a crush on
Conner?"
"She
couldn't pick a better role model; or better first lover if Conner
agrees."
"It's
still a few years down the road before she'll be old enough to ask the Nannies
for one, Chief. She'll change her mind
a dozen times between now and then."
"Maybe,
maybe not," Blair disagreed mildly, soaking up the easy vibs between
them. "So far the kids in the
compound have been asking for the people who made the biggest impression on
them when they got here, instead of their peers. If Daryl took up all the offers he's gotten, he'd never get out
of bed."
"I
still can't believe you managed to sell your idea to the tribe that they should
make public choices about that."
"What
else could they do?" Blair asked reasonably. "We're seriously outnumbered here, adults to children, too
many of the kids have already been sexually used and can't unlearn what they
know and feel, and they're going to do it anyway. This gives us more control over who's doing what to who. Less chance of anyone getting abused
again."
"Didn't
argue with you then; not arguing with you now.
It's working." Jim pointed out.
"Mostly because of what happens if you break the rules. Privy duty and standing watch are *no* fun
as far as kids are concerned."
"Hey,
you want to act like an adult, you have to take on adult jobs. Fair's fair."
Pol
stood, shifting the sleeping baby to his shoulder. "I like it. No
guessing if the person you want likes you back, no worrying about making an
idiot in front of them cause you can't find the words, no fighting somebody
bigger'n you off... Makes the whole thing a whole lot less scary if you haven't
done it at all, too. Nobody can rank on
you for not being experienced.
"Gonna
be hard as hell if Lexi doesn't pick me, though for her first time." Suddenly he pinned Sentinel with an intent
look. "Maybe I shouldn't ask for
anybody until she's ready, wait for her, like?"
Without
hesitation, Jim shook his head.
"It's up to you, Pol, and what feels *right* to you. Neither Shaman nor I waited, but we didn't
grow up knowing what was possible for us, either. All I can tell you is that it didn't matter to me that Shaman had
had other lovers."
"Then
why don't you take others now, Sentinel?
The Nannies tell me you never agree to Transitions, and I've heard the
grownups grumbling that you don't share with them, either."
Out
of the mouths of babes, Blair thought numbly, and waited for Jim's explosion.
All
Jim did was smile blindingly at his lover and reply, "They're not
Shaman. He's the only one I want; the
only one I'll ever want."
Appalled,
Blair drew himself up to his knees, ready to grab the other man and shake him,
regardless of their audience. Before he
could, Jim lost all traces of mellow leisure and bolted to his feet. "Signal fire," he muttered,
"Yellow: trouble coming, two days away." Without another word he raced out of the compound toward the
warning bell at the commons.
The
next few hours were a haze of packing, hiding stores, and calming children for
Blair. When the call came for assembly,
he ushered Stush and his group, ready to lead them through their first public
meeting.
Simon
stood at the center of the gathered tribe, looking serious, but steady. "Ravagers." He said shortly, and
waited for the alarmed rumble of the crowd to die. "It's not as if we haven't defended ourselves before,
people, or as if we don't know what to do.
All the elders and children will retreat back along our range, leaving
lookouts. All fighters and hunters will
met the Ravagers and drive them back - or kill them."
"And
if they kill all of our fighters?" A terrified child cried out.
"Then
you keep moving!" Simon barked
sternly. "Remember, you have the
advantage. You know how to take care of
yourselves out here. You can hunt food,
stay warm, hide. Sooner or later, the
Ravagers will have to give up looking for you and the hidden food stores we
have. Then you grow up, grow strong,
and honor the memory of those who died by making our tribe go on!"
Making
eye contact with as many as he could, projecting an image of control and
confidence, Simon moderated his voice.
"Now I have to do something hard.
I have to ask for volunteers from the fighters to stay with the main
tribe to protect and teach if the worst does happen. It's hard to turn your back on the enemy, I know, and run. But the littlest ones need you."
That
caused another grumble from the crowd, and Blair had to fight to keep his face
impassive. No one was going to step
forward, now, and Simon would be able to pick whoever he wanted to stay
behind. Being the rear-guard wouldn't
seem like a shameful thing to anyone, and would, in fact, be a matter of pride.
//Good precedent, Simon.// Blair chuckled inwardly. //All those political hassles you had to put up with in Major
Crimes are paying off, big time.//
As
if he heard the unvoiced laugh, Jim picked Blair out from where he stood behind
Simon. Though no one else would have
seen it, Blair caught the flash of an answering smile from his partner, no
doubt guessing Blair's thoughts at the moment.
Simon caught the exchange from the corner of his eye, and in the midst
of picking out the rear guard paused, studying Blair thoughtfully.
//Oh,
God - he's not thinking of leaving me with the kids is he?// Blair thought, panicked. //Shaman has to stay with Sentinel, even if
Jim and Blair are on the outs. Come on,
man, don't do this, don't do this...//
Without
change in expression or comment, Simon finally went on, finishing his
selections and began issuing directions.
Sucking in a breath, wondering when he had started holding it, Blair
mentally shook himself.
"Shaman?"
Stush asked softly, shrugging a little at the grip Blair had on his shoulder. Shocked, Blair made himself unclench his hand
and pat the young man apologetically.
"The
Captain was one of my teachers," he whispered in explanation. "You never quite get over that 'what did
I do wrong now?!' feeling you get when they look at you like that."
Stush
shot him a sympathetic look, but then gave Simon a considering look. "Spec'ly from him, I bet. Think he'd have a use f'me? I'cn run *fast* and hide good."
"As
a matter of fact," and Blair started working his way forward past people,
taking Stush with him, "We'll need messengers." The tribe was dispersing to carry out
orders, moving quickly, but not frantically.
Once they had broken free of the mass, Blair turned to look at the three
girls and Pol. "Do you have
anything to say about Stush doing that?
You followed him out of the city; in a way, that makes you family."
Obviously
startled, the children bunched together and talked for a second. Giving them room for it, Blair checked out
the compound, noticing how efficiently everything was being broken down. If the Ravagers made it this far, all they
would find were abandoned huts. That
thought triggered a deeper one, and he forgot everything for a moment while he
tried to track it down.
"He
goes," Bets said shortly.
"But comes back to protect the baby sentinel if it gets bad."
Jolted
out of his revere, Blair nodded.
"We should talk with the Captain, then."
****
Hours
later, moving swiftly down the barely discernable path toward Cascade, the
fragment of an idea returned to Blair.
Matching his partner's strides, he said thoughtfully, "Jim, the
Ravagers are too close. According to
the look-outs, they're already past the point we intercept refugees and start
hiding the trail."
"And
moving much too surely, as if they know the way to go." Jim agreed. "No advanced scouts, not following
trail sign as far as we can tell, just barreling up the side of the
mountain."
"Inside
help," Blair said unhappily.
"They've got markers or trail blazes to follow. Probably from one of the last groups we
brought in."
"I've
been looking for them, but no sign, so far." More land moved smoothly under their feet, growing in distance,
before Jim added, "They wouldn't leave something we'd recognize or see
easily."
Reflectively,
Blair told him, "They're what's left of a technological society;
electronics last pretty good if stored right.
Homing device?"
"Not
on any of the children or in the camp.
Or not activated, I should say.
You know I can hear the squeal of electronics; it'd stand out too much
from natural sounds in the settlement, especially late at night."
"Okay. Maybe they expected everything to be taken
from the kids once they got to us, or at least searched, so trail markers, but
not visible ones. Think you can hear
the hum if we pass one?"
"If
it's not too far off the path - but it'd take too much time to stop and
listen."
"Why
stop?" Blair grinned as Jim
grimaced, already assuming his partner wanted to try something. "You don't
have to think about where to put your feet when you walk, normally. Part of you sees and feeds the info to your
brain without ever connecting to your head.
And we both know the same thing can happen if you're running, if you can
get into the zen of it."
"Trail's
too rough, Chief. And speed is
important here."
"Do
I really have to ask you to trust me on this?" Blair asked with some
exasperation, but loving the familiarity of the debate. "You concentrate on what you hear; let
your body do its thing. I run slightly
ahead and that'll give you another reference point."
Jim
didn't answer, but the expression on his face became abstracted, distant and
Blair knew he was bringing his hearing up as much as he could stand. 15 minutes later, he came to a stop,
signaling to the others in their party to do the same. At the base of a tree, pointing out the
disturbed needles and soil, he uncovered a small device and showed it to
everyone.
"Short
range beacon. There'll be another 2 or
3 miles along the way. Who ever buried
them probably didn't hide the bare spot, so look for that." He explained, turning it so it could be seen
clearly. "We have to make sure we
find them all, and that the rear guard knows about them." A quick point sent a runner back the way
they came, and Jim hefted the beacon, thinking. "Does anybody know this area well? Well enough that we can replant this as a decoy if they get past
us?"
With
a mean grin, a young man stepped forward and took the beacon. "Nice cliff not too far from here, and
the underbrush hides the drop off until you're right on top of it. I'll double back, too, find any others left
and make sure they wind up in equally interesting places."
"But
from here on down, we simply send them off on a wild goose chase. We'll pick a trail we know leads nowhere and
put all the rest of the markers on it," Blair put in, and everyone
acknowledged with a grunt or nod.
"This
is how it's going to be," Jim told everyone. "They're going to have superior fire power, their vehicles
give them the edge on speed and distance.
Night scopes, laser sights, motion detectors - they have access to the
debris from the entire military complex left behind when the United States
crashed.
"But
we've got home turf advantage, surprise, and *knowledge* on our side. How to get around their gadgets, how to use
the environment to do part of our fighting for us, how to *survive* without
anything more than our strength and brains. We take away their technology, we
win. Be thinking about that the rest of
the way."
With
those words of dismissal, they scattered, running ahead silently, swiftly. Jim watched them go, then told Blair,
"Stush is the only one in our party that's new, and he didn't react
guiltily to the homing device at all."
"Good,
so we don't have to worry about the Ravager's being warned, at
least." Blair confirmed in relief.
"With
some luck, we can disable or destroy their gear before they catch on they're
under assault." Jim said grimly,
and began running again.
****
Guerilla
tactics succeeded from the start, when a single person got into the Ravagers
camp and set off one of their own grenades in the weapons truck. Though the commander of the troop sent out
his men almost immediately, there was no trace of people, and he reluctantly
decided it had been an accident. For a
while.
From
that time on, any man who stepped away from their camp never came back
again. Though the Freedom Tribe killed
ruthlessly when necessary, anyone who set off back they way they had come, obviously
deserting, was allowed to go. Chances
were Mother Nature would take care of them, anyway.
Their
leader ranted, punished, threatened - but there was no visible enemy to
attack. No target to point at and
destroy, though round after round was fired by his spooked men into the
surrounding forest. Long after he knew
they were under siege, he still lost men and supplies to the unseen predators
stalking his soldiers. That he didn't
turn back was a measure of the desperation of the Ravagers. He pulled his unit in tighter and tighter,
not even allowing them to step aside and pee without two armed comrades. And still they died, silently, swiftly.
For
nearly a week, Freedom Tribe stalked and hunted the Ravagers, until finally
their Captain gathered them together to make a final decision. Blair stood beside Simon, Jim behind both of
them, all of them barely hiding their fatigue and letting the others in the war
party talk themselves out.
When
it was obvious they were all repeating the same arguments, Simon stepped
in. "It's simple, people. We're tired, making mistakes, and injuries
have reduced our numbers. Yes, the
Ravagers are in worse shape, but it's not going to get any better for us,
either. It's time to end this, one way
or the other.
"Confrontation? Fight them until they die or we do? Or abandon them to their fate in the
wilderness? We've led them so far from
our trail, chances are good they'll never find it."
He
gave them a moment to think, and Blair looked over their people assessingly. Good.
All of them were sick of the killing, long past the adrenaline rush that
could make war so appealing to young men and women. No glory was going to be made of this, and with luck and careful
teaching, the words war and battle would only mean necessity to the next
generation. He could hope, anyway.
"Cap'n?" Stush said finally, only his clenched fists
showing how hard speaking out was for him.
"This is t*Mayor.* He can't
afford t'back off. If he did, his own
men'd bring him down."
"And
he's got nothing to go back to," Daryl added. "If he can't find our food or capture us as slaves to farm
or hunt, he and his men will starve.
Won't be that long before he figures out his beacons are useless, and
he'll turn around. They aren't
completely stupid; sooner or later they might find the right trail."
"Attack
them then, when we're fresh and they're worn from the search," Conner
suggested. "With Sentinel to watch
over us, we can do this again if we have to."
Simon
shook his head slowly, "If SAR taught us anything, it's that we can't let
one person, or one small group of people, do it all. If we lost Sentinel, what then?
Anyone who survives long enough will learn on their own how to stalk and
sneak. What if one of *them* got into
*our* camp? How many children would
they have to hold hostage to force the rest of us to surrender?"
"Sounds
like you want to finish it, Captain," Jim observed calmly.
"Yeah,
I guess I do. Time to close the chapter
on Cascade completely, in my head. It's
a ghost town now, owned by rats and feral dog packs."
"Not
too many," Stusch muttered.
"Dog's not half bad meat."
Holding
in his wince -he'd eaten worse himself in the name of anthropology once upon a
time, Blair nodded in agreement with Simon.
"We don't need a threat hanging over our heads. We have enough problems as it is."
"If
we can scatter them," Jim put in, "some will take off on their own,
and the Mayor won't be able to regroup before we can take them on one on
one. That way any one who fights is
doing it out of choice, not because he can't break ranks with a leader he'd
rather not follow. Best we can do for
fair."
One
by one the other members of their party agreed, and Blair suggested the perfect
way to break up the clump of invaders without directly harming any of them.
The
skunk Stusch dropped from the treetops into the middle of the Ravagers was the
only one who escaped from the melee totally unscathed. There was a tendency among the Mayor's men
to mow each other over, weapons and all, trying to get away from it.
As
anticipated, many took the opportunity presented and deserted, hoping for
better luck and survival elsewhere.
Grimly, the Tribe waded into the ones still doggedly trying to regroup,
fighting them with knives and fists rather than risk hitting each other with
wild gunfire.
Within
minutes only two Ravagers were fighting, one of them the Mayor. He and Jim grappled with each other, trying
to find a killing blow even as Blair kicked the last one standing into
Simon. Not even waiting to see the
man's end, Blair whirled to help his mate, only to see Jim and the Mayor
standing a few feet apart, guns drawn, pointed at each other in a Mexican standoff.
Paralyzed
by the risk to Sentinel if they interfered too soon or incorrectly, the tribe
stood by waiting to see what Jim would do.
Blair, held by the same fear, went blank, unable to see anything but the
weapon aimed at his lover.
"Ellison,"
Billings chuckled. "I should have
guessed you're the "Shaman" behind all those rumors. You have no idea how glad I am to see you're
still alive. Always knew if you ditched
that pretty, bleeding heart boy toy of yours you'd make it."
Ignoring
the jibe, Jim answered mildly, "I'm not Shaman; Sandburg is. I have to admit your little empire lasted
longer than we expected. But then, you
didn't care how many other people died as long as you didn't."
"Oh,
don't be so superior." Billing retorted.
"What difference does it make if they died because of me or
suffocating from SAR?" He gestured expansively. "In case you hadn't noticed, Ellison, it's the end of the
fucking world. We're *all* going to
die; might as well have the best of what's left in the meantime."
"Your
world is ending," Jim denied flatly, "Mine is doing fine, thank
you."
"Oh,
I'm sure it is simply wonderful living like a savage, scrounging for the
simplest comforts and pleasures, preying on the witless escapees from my
domain. You should have stayed with me,
Ellison. After I got rid of that
witless mayor, you could have helped me hold things together longer, lived in
luxury while you could."
Head
tilted to one side, Jim said in wonder, "The world really is coming to an
end as far as you're concerned, isn't it?
Simply because you can't imagine one without yourself as its
center." He shook his head
slowly. "My world will never
cease, Billings, as long as the people I've helped - Sandburg and I have helped
- are still alive."
Whether
it was his tone or the way Jim held himself, Blair knew the stand off was
over. Regardless of whether Billings
had time to kill him, Jim was going to pull the trigger first to guarantee his
tribe's safety from the madman's egotism.
With
a wordless shout Blair charged at the two men, scooping up a rock on the
way. Surprised by the abrupt noise and
motion, Billings jerked, slightly. The
moment he moved, Jim fired, throwing himself to one side as he did. Billing's gun discharged harmlessly into
where Jim had been, and he fell, hit by rocks, arrows, knives and bullets from
every person present with a clear shot.
Picking
himself up, disregarding the corpse at his feet, Jim holstered his weapon. "Captain, search bodies now or send
people back later?" he asked matter-of-factly. Only Blair, who had raced to his side, could feel the shaking of
the large body through his own half hidden grip on Jim's arm.
Matching
his tone, and setting it for the rest of the war party, Simon shook his
head. "Find their needle stash but
leave the rest. Their own will come
back for what they can get; guess they're entitled. Me, I want a hot bath and warm bed."
With
no ceremony, he turned and headed for camp, his people falling in behind. The partners brought up the rear, avoiding
each other's eyes, but holding on with punishing strength.
****
Around
him the party laughed, danced, sang and played with joyous abandon, jostling
Blair gently and inviting him to join the merriment. He drifted through it, sharing a joke here or a hug there, not
really connecting with any one person, or even the party itself. In part, because he was the indirect cause
of it, and in part because there were other influences, more subtle ones
tugging on him tonight.
Exchanging
a smile with the real cause of it, he slapped Daryl a high five, congratulating
him again on his new status as Captain.
A week after the battle with the Ravagers, Daryl had stood before the
assembled community and announced he thought they should create a second tribe. He had been studying old maps and had chosen
a new range for another group, and wanted to know who would like to go with
him. Most were in agreement
immediately. Between the last flood of
refuges and the growth of original orphans brought in, the tribe was becoming
too large for their range to support comfortably.
Few
decided right away; for another week it was discussed endlessly. Gradually, not without some pain, two
distinct groups were formed. Some of
the decisions were surprising: Conner
was leaving with Daryl, along with Amy, who blushed but hugged the spirited
Aussie enthusiastically when she admitted to her choice. Stush's troop decided to take Alexi and
leave, as well. Since finding Lil's
note sadly saying she was sorry, the Mayor had promised to let the baby live if
she led him to the tribe, they had been ill at-ease in the nursery
compound. Finding Lil's broken body at
the base of a tall tree a few days later hadn't made their memories of Freedom
Tribe any better. Thinking that keeping
both sentinels in one camp wasn't wise, the Captain and Shaman didn't argue
with them.
Other
children were divided by serious attachments to the adults in each tribe,
especially skilled people were wooed and courted, but eventually, Runner came
to Shaman and asked for a ceremony to mark the birth of New Hope Tribe.
A
party was seemed the best idea to everyone, and Blair coaxed - nagged - Simon,
Conner, and other Elders into making short speeches and breaking out rare
treats like chocolate and wine.
Privately, he congratulated Daryl on coming up with a reason to
celebrate without connecting it too directly to the recent battle. Simon's attitude that the whole thing was
just another day in the life was the one Blair wanted in the minds of the
youngsters, rather than the fighters were heroes or victors. But he had felt some catharsis was needed,
and apparently so had Daryl.
A
powerful one, he'd thought at the time, and discretely discussed it with Simon
and Dan. With their knowledge, a
special blend of herbs was added to the punch bowl, spicing it up tastily and
seriously mellowing everyone who drank it.
Feeling he should be the designated sober person, because it was his
idea, he had abstained from either their homemade wine or the punch.
Not
that he needed it; the wind was rising, wild and wicked, gusting madly,
sensuously over the countryside and into Blair's mind and spirit. Terrified of its fey call for the first time
in his life, Blair fought it, tried to drown it in the happy mob around him.
An
impromptu band had formed, with Pol playing surprisingly well on an old Gibson
guitar from common stores. The beat
behind them was enthusiastic, pounding and Blair made himself join the other
revelers to dance as energetically as he could. He dragged onlookers into a conga line, imitated the high jumping,
hopping steps of the African Masai, and generally boogied until his feet hurt
worse than his heart.
Through
all of it, part of him kept looking, searching, though he knew perfectly well
Jim had left the festivities early to allow as many of the patrol as possible
to participate. And he was still
detached, aloof from his own people, unable to shake off the summons on his
soul.
When
the guitar was taken up by someone who played rich, vibrant love songs, when
the older children had been sent to bed, when the partiers broke into two or,
occasionally, threes and began drifting to dark nooks, Blair lost his fight and
went where the wind sent him.
Scudding
clouds obscured, then revealed a three-quarters moon, giving the silvered light
an uncertainty bordering on mystical.
Trees swayed and flexed under the weight of the restless air, moving in
their own dance as Blair wandered mindlessly through them. Every time he would huddle up against one of
the rough trunks, trying to resist the need to move, barely perceptible fingers
of air would insinuate themselves into his clothing, his hair, tugging until he
gave up and walked again.
It
left him alone only when he stumbled by the hut Jim had made for lookout on a
minor ridge above the main camp.
Swaying numbly in front of it, he wondered why he would find its dark
interior inviting, and willfully staggered away. Nudged by the wind back to it, an hour or so later, he swore and
forced himself leave again.
Only
to be returned again.
And
again.
And
again.
When
the darkest hours of the night were made darker by the moon slowly hiding below
the horizon, he half fell onto a tree limb in front of Jim's lair, not able to
stand any more.
"It
has always blown you *to* me, Blair," Jim murmured from behind him,
invisible in the shadows. "Sent
you into my arms over and over. How can
something so much greater than both of us be wrong? How can *we* be wrong if it's so elemental in both of
us?" There was no anger or
condemnation in Jim's words, but they blistered through all the logic and
reason that had kept Blair from his mate.
With
a half-breathed whimper of pain he lurched forward, a shove of wind firm in the
small of his back. Then he was flying,
finally, finally flying with the wind, hoisted in Jim's arms and being carried
away from the encampment, away from the lingering sounds and scents of
humanity. In the darkest, quietest
depths of the forest, Jim laid him down in a bed of soft furs he must have
brought there for his own rest.
Dazed,
excited, he waited passively while Jim stripped both of them hastily. Then his lover was on top of him, unerringly
taking his mouth, and Blair *immersed* himself in the physical presence of the
demanding man. Sucking the air he
needed from Jim's lungs in a toe-deep kiss, Blair spread himself over the hot
body, trying to become a blair-coating of want over every inch of it.
With
anxious, hungry hands he caressed sleek muscles and hard lines, pulling low
moans from the man on him as he did.
Filling his palms with the taut globes of Jim's ass, he delved into that
tender recess with slender fingers.
Sighs
filled his mouth as Jim's seed bubbled out between them, creating yet another
bond sealing them together. When the
last spasm rolled through him, Jim twisted them over until he was on the
bottom. Bringing up his legs and clamping his knees onto
Blair's sides, Jim offered himself to his lover. With a sigh of his own into their kiss, Blair sank into the
vulnerable, open body, wanting this connection as much as his mate.
At
first there was some resistance, but he convulsed, sending waves of liquid into
tight channel, making the way easier.
Neither close to satisfied yet, they rocked together liquidly, the
rhythm flowing back and forth in long, slow waves. Though they wanted only the feel of making love -skin on skin,
one yielding to the other in silky submission, heat molding them into one -
their starved bodies could not be denied.
Far
too soon for either of them lust stormed through their union, demanding
more. Reluctantly, Blair tore his lips
away, keening the loss as he did, and sat back on his heels, pulling Jim's hips
onto his lap. Locking his legs around
the smaller man's waist, Jim raised up, impaling himself deeply on the shaft
waiting for him.
With
a shout, Blair answered the thrust with a pounding drive of his own, holding
Jim's thighs to steady him. With short,
sharp, almost brutal snaps, he plunged into his lover over and over, silently
screaming his pleasure.
Jim
shot again, roaring in animal satisfaction as he writhed through his
climax. Internal muscles milked Blair
with hard clasps, tearing his finish from him relentlessly. And still he pumped as long as trembling
muscles would hold him, struggling to stay within his mate as long as
possible.
When
he collapsed at last, uttering a tiny disappointed cry that Jim returned, the
bigger man caught him awkwardly, and turned them to their sides. Exhausted, he squirmed restlessly, wanting
more but unable to flog himself into it.
"I'm
not going anywhere, babe, and neither are you." Jim whispered, calming his lover with kneading hands at the back
of his neck. "Rest."
"You
knew all along, didn't you?" Blair mumbled, letting himself go limp in the
sheltering arms. "That I'd come
back to you."
"I
had to believe that you would," Jim admitted. Pulling back enough to see in the dim light of oncoming dawn,
Blair got a glimpse of devastating desolation in his mate's eyes, and words of
shame and remorse bubbled to his lips.
Remembering Jim's harsh order to shut up when he tried to apologize the
last time, he pinched them together instead of speaking. Holding back his pleas for forgiveness
physically hurt, but he was *not* going to add to Jim's misery with unwanted
words.
Humorouslessly
Jim chuckled and gently cupped the back of Blair's head to draw it to his
chest. "You're going to sprain
something keeping it in like that, Chief."
"Jim..."
Blair whimpered.
"Hush,
hush." Jim muttered back roughly,
"Just... just don't do it again, okay?
I couldn't stand it if you did it again. I couldn't."
"I
couldn't," Blair swore passionately.
"I'm not that strong, now that I know what it's like."
"You're
stronger than you think you are, Blair.
Always have been." At
Blair's non-committal shrug, Jim said bluntly.
"You have to be, or we're going have bad times when Sentinel is
making a baby with whoever Shaman picks for him."
"Shit,"
Blair moaned pathetically, "Who told you?"
"You
can take the cop out the city...." Jim answered, feathering a kiss over
Blair's ear. "Wasn't too hard to
work out with *every* woman in the camp, including the partnered females,
asking me to go to bed with them. I am
*not* that good-looking. They either
had to be head-hunting to be able to brag about replacing you, or they wanted
to get pregnant. And our tribe
respects you to much for the first."
"They
respect you too much to force you," Blair said earnestly. "But they're right. You should have children, Jim. What Sentinel can do is too important not to
try to pass it on."
"You
know, for once, Shaman hasn't thought a problem all through," Jim said
reflectively. "What's the ration
of males to females, Blair, both tribes, counting the few born since we started
here?"
After
a moment's thought, Blair answered slowly, "Three to one, males to
females. And we're not replacing
ourselves, not at the rate SAR is taking adults. We can't afford for *anybody* not to reproduce, can we? Or the gene pool will be too small for
healthy children in two or three generations."
"Shaman
is going to have to create a custom or ritual or something that allows people
in love to have sex with other partners without damaging their
relationships." Jim told him.
"Not
to mention what do we do if the baby is born damaged. Yes, all children are raised by all adults, but what if an infant
has Down's Syndrome? Can we spare the
resources to raise it? How can we not
and be humane? How much say does the
birth mother have? And old people? Assuming *anybody* gets to live that long,
what're we going to do we're they're too feeble to keep up the nomadic
life-style we've chosen? Or for the
handicapped?" In frustration Blair
beat on the bedding, burrowing his face hard into Jim's flesh. "Aaarrrgghhhhhh...."
"One
problem at a time, Sandburg," Jim half-laughed, half-complained. "The babies aren't even born yet, and
*you're* worried about what to do with them when they're old."
Taking
a deep breath, Blair blocked his sudden anxiety, knowing it was really a mask
for fear. "Okay, I'm letting this
go, I'm letting this go." After
another breath, he asked as conversationally as he could manage, "Who do
you want to sleep with, Jim?"
"You."
"I
mean...."
"I know what you mean," Jim broke in. "My answer stands. I'm human; I'm occasionally attracted to
another person, but off hand, I don't think that it's wise for Sentinel to have
sex with a woman he wants. It could
lead to complications later. Shaman
should probably choose for him."
"Sentinel,
Shaman... We're being positively schizo here, Jim." Blair muttered.
"How
else can we keep our individuality? Why
do you think earned names are becoming so common? That wasn't planned; it's a
natural way to keep the role people have to play for the community clear of who
they *are.* Remember our wedding
vows?"
Feeling
as if he'd been hit in the head by a three-ton beam of light, Blair sprang away
from Jim, mouth hanging open.
"Blair?"
Jim asked worriedly, reaching for him.
"Their
Sentinel, their Shaman," Blair breathed in awe. "Of course, of course! I'm an idiot!" As
unexpectedly as he had left, he bounced back into Jim's arms, hands coming up
to frame Jim's face lovingly. "*My*
Jim. No matter who else touches
Sentinel or uses his body, Jim Ellison belongs to me."
Understanding,
a soft smile breaking out, Jim copied Blair's gesture. "*My* Blair. Shaman is the illusion; Blair Sandburg is the reality, and he has
been mine since the day of his birth."
He leaned in to claim a sweet, chaste kiss, re-affirming their bond,
their love, and their life together.