Title: Confessions

Author: Vigdis

Fandom: Smallville

Pairings: Clark/Lex

Rating: PG (so far)

Category: Slightly AU (see notes);

Spoilers: Season 2 - especially Episode 17: “Rosetta“

Status: That depends… I’m contemplating continuing it.

Series: Maybe. Do you want it to be?

Date: March 30, 2003

Feedback: Craved! Need feedback! Please be constructive… Details are good! Also, tell me what you want to see more of, what you want to find out the answers to, etc… I love details!

Archive: WWOMB: https://www.squidge.org/~peja/; Vig’s Vale; Others please let me know you want it. I like to know where my babies are.

Author's Website: Vig's Vale: https://www.squidge.org/vigsvale/index.html (still under construction, but mine none-the-less)

Valdron’s Handy Dandy Disclaimer: (modified for this work)
Smallville, the series, concepts and characters, are the property, copyright and trademark of Tollin/Robbins Productions, Warner Bros. & DC Comics. No ownership or claim on said property, copyright or trademark is made or implied by the use in this work. This work constitutes a personal comment on the aforesaid properties pursuant to doctrines of fair use and fair comment. This work is non-commercial, not for sale or profit, and may not be sold or reproduced for commercial purposes. All other characters and situations which are not specifically owned by the above mentioned are sole copyright of the author.

Thanks: To Kel. I never feel comfortable posting without a beta. Thanks for rescuing me. It’s much better after the changes you recommended. Zus, it’s always nice to get such lovely compliments and feedback. And Uris, I promise, Clark will be more prominent in the next part.

Notes: In my happy little Clark/Lex slash world, when Clark told Lana and Chloe that he wanted to keep things as they were - friends - he meant it. He never again tried to date Lana. Okay, so maybe he was temporarily confused by Kyla, but that was an aberration, quickly resolved. And Lex certainly never dated Helen. She is only a friend. In fact, she’s probably a lesbian. Yeah! That’s it! It’s all a cover! They went out together for companionship and she was all comforting and supportive toward Lex when he confessed his love for Clark - as long as it was clear he had no intention of getting sexually involved with anyone who was underage. Yes… That’s the way it happened! Lalalalalala…

Warnings: m/m (big surprise, right?)

Summary: When he is suddenly overcome with a sense of foreboding, Lex decides it’s time for a confession. (Yes, this chapter does focus mainly on Lex. Now the next one…?)

Chapter 1

A vague feeling of unease washed over the young man, followed closely by a desperate need to be elsewhere. Quickly, he ejected the disc from his laptop and tossed it on top of his papers as he gathered them up, not bothering with organization. He just shoved them into a drawer, barely taking a moment to lock it before he headed out the door.

His distraction was notable in that he didn’t even care which car he took. He just grabbed the keys to the closest one - a white BMW convertible - as he entered the garage. He slid quickly behind the wheel, not bothering with his driving gloves, and drove off into the countryside. He wasn’t even sure where he was going until he found himself at what seemed to be his destination. He sat in the car confused. Why here?

Realization burst into his consciousness and in the next instant he was out of the car and running into the depths of the cave. Reaching the bottom, he came to a sudden halt and let out a sigh of relief. The boy was sitting cross-legged on the cave floor gnawing gently on his bottom lip as he stared at the runes on the opposite wall.

Carefully, he moved closer. “Clark?” he said softly.

The boy didn’t look up. “Hi, Lex,” he murmured. His attention remained focused on the runes.

Lex sat down beside him, gazing intently at his profile.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

Lex reached out gently to touch Clark’s shoulder. “I don’t like for you to be here.”

Clark shot him a rebellious look.

Lex smiled sadly. “It worries me, Clark. It wasn’t too long ago I walked in here to find you sprawled unconscious on the floor. And shortly after that, I found Dr. Walden in the same place, catatonic! He’ll probably never recover. I don’t want you to be next, Clark.”

Clark smiled wryly. “I won’t.”

“You can’t be sure of that.”

“It won’t happen! I’m fine, Lex!” Clark insisted, exasperated.

Lex lowered his head into his hands for a moment. “Could we please just go somewhere else?”

“Why?”

Lex answered softly but vehemently. “Because this place makes me nervous and I don’t want anything to happen to you!”

“What’s the matter?” Clark asked, surprisingly snide. “Afraid my parents will sue?”

Lex snorted softly and leaned closer. “Not a chance!” he whispered loudly. “I’m afraid they’ll lynch me,” he grinned.

Clark tried, but he couldn’t resist grinning back. Still, he made no move to get up.

Lex sighed, angry and frustrated. “I’m trying to keep you safe, Clark. I’m trying to protect you, but that’s damned hard to do in the dark!” Clark looked up sharply. Lex looked away, shaking his head in resignation. “I’m actually highly intelligent and extremely observant, Clark. Unfortunately, so is my father. Being blind didn’t change that noticeably. It only made him more observant. He admits to 3 weeks of sight before the announcement, but he may be lying.” With his attention on the floor of the cave, he didn’t see Clark’s eyes widen in shock. “I don’t know how much he suspects, but it’s more than I’m comfortable with. Hell, Clark, if he suspects even a tenth of what I do, you could be in serious danger. Let me protect you!” he pleaded. Then, finally raising his eyes to meet Clark’s, he whispered, “I need to protect you, Clark. I need to keep you safe.”

“Why?” Clark asked, not daring to breathe.

Lex reached up slowly. He didn’t quite brush Clark’s cheek with his fingertips, but it was a close thing. “Are you sure you want me to tell you the truth?”

“Yes,” Clark whispered firmly.

Lex swallowed hard. Never taking his eyes off the boy’s, he quietly confessed, “Because I love you, Clark.”

“As a friend?” Clark asked hesitantly, “a brother?”

“No, Clark.” Lex’s expression was deadly serious. “I’m in love with you.” He took a deep breath at the shocked expression on his friend’s face. “You’re the truest friend I’ve ever known, Clark. I am aware that telling you this may irreparably damage our friendship. I know you don’t - can’t - return my feelings, but telling you how I feel is the only way I can make you understand how important your safety is to me.”

Clark stared at him for a long moment before his shock gave way, first to stunned amazement, then to acceptance. He grinned - that grin that lit up Lex’s world - and, with utter certainty, he said, “You’re wrong, Lex. Dead wrong.”

Lex’s brow creased in confusion. Clark reached out and brushed his fingertips over the crease as if to smooth it out. Smiling radiantly, he said the words Lex Luthor had never expected to hear sincerely and honestly spoken by anyone - and he had certainly never expected to hear them from this beautiful boy.

“I love you, too, Lex.”

Chapter 2

The look of trust and hope in Clark’s eyes was more than Lex could bear. He leaned slowly into Clark’s waiting arms, lowering his forehead to the crook of his neck, and let the tears fall. Clark put his arms around him, his hands moving in soothing circles over his love’s back. Lex, feeling safer than he had ever felt before, let the emotions that he held under such tight restraint flow free. As his tears turned into ragged sobs, Clark tightened his embrace slightly - just enough to be reassuring. Lex held onto Clark with a grip that would have been painfully bruising for anyone else. Clark barely noticed. He just pulled Lex gently into his lap, closed his eyes and kept comforting him.

It was a long while before Lex calmed. Eventually, though, he sat up in Clark’s arms and gently cupped Clark’s cheek in his hand. Taking a deep breath, Lex began to speak. “I’m not sure how to deal with what just happened, Clark. I’ve haven’t let go like that since I was a child.”

Clark gave him a small smile. “Then I’d have to say it was long overdue.”

“Perhaps. Or maybe I finally trust someone enough to let down my defenses.” He looked into Clark’s eyes for a long while before lowering his head back to Clark’s shoulder. “I’ve never trusted anyone the way I trust you. I’m not even sure I trusted my mother this much.”

Pete wasn’t trying to be quiet, but his sneakers didn’t make a sound as he walked down into the cave. Lex’s back was to the entrance, so he didn’t notice that they were no longer alone. Clark did, but he didn’t let on to Lex. He merely met Pete’s eyes squarely and continued to listen as he stroked the back of Lex’s head. Pete stepped back into the darkness of the corridor and listened to Lex’s quiet words. He knew Clark could see him, but he didn’t want Lex to know he was there. In spite of Clark’s friendship with the man - and admitted attraction - Pete couldn’t bring himself to let go of the fact that he was a Luthor. But, knowing Clark, Lex was going to be a part of their lives for a long time (look how long he held on to Lana), so he figured he had better learn a little more about him. Clark always said Lex was different when it was just the two of them. Now was Pete’s chance to see for himself.

Clark frowned slightly when Pete didn’t leave, but he understood his reasons. He turned his attention back to Lex, dropped a chaste kiss on his bare head and waited for him to continue.

Lex smiled contentedly in Clark’s embrace and snuggled closer. “It’s strange, really. I shouldn’t trust you, you know. I know you have secrets and I know you lie to me about them on a regular basis. But I trust you anyway. I just wish you felt you could trust me, too.” His tone wasn’t wistful. It was almost matter-of-fact. “But I understand why you don’t.”

“It’s not that I don’t trust you, Lex. It’s a lot more complicated than that. Pete knows my secret. And knowing almost got him killed. Almost everyone who has ever learned my secret is either dead… or insane.”

Lex raised his eyes to Clark’s. “You’re afraid that, if I find out, I’ll turn on you. Afraid I’ll slip into that darkness we’ve talked about.”

Clark pulled Lex’s head back to his shoulder and dropped another kiss on it. “I can’t say I haven’t thought about it. I honestly don’t know what that knowledge would do to you, Lex. I know you’re strong. I also know that you crave power. That’s a dangerous combination. I don’t want to be the reason you cross that line.”

“Clark,” Lex pulled back to look Clark in the eye, “don’t you know? You’re the reason I haven’t crossed that line. I hope you’ll be the reason I never do. But that line isn’t always easy to see, Clark. I told Ryan that darkness isn’t a switch - it’s a journey. He said I should remember that.” Lex’s eyes mirrored Clark’s sadness. “He was a very wise young man, Clark. The time we shared will stay with me for the rest of my life. He reminded me that just because my father believes something, doesn’t make it true. Or right. You know I have a temper, although you don’t see it very often. When I realized that the experiments that so-called doctor had done on that boy were going to cost him his life, I wanted to kill son-of-a-bitch. Instead, I quietly gathered as much evidence as I could and presented it to the prosecuting attorneys. I figured you and Ryan would prefer it if I didn’t commit murder,” Lex smiled.

Clark let out a small laugh. “You’re right. Ryan would have been very disappointed in us both.” Lex raised his eyebrows. “Well… You don’t really think I would have let you do it alone, do you. Ryan was my kid brother!”

Lex shook his head, laughing. “We’re quite a pair, aren’t we?” Lex turned very serious as he sat up straight on Clark’s lap. He didn’t move his arms from around Clark, though. “The truth is, we both have secrets. You’re afraid that learning yours would cause me harm. My reason for keeping secrets isn’t so noble. I’m afraid that if you knew my secrets… you would hate me. I try to do the right thing, Clark, but sometimes… Well, my temper gets the best of me. Or my upbringing does. I’m not entirely sure which. Maybe both. Usually it’s about my father. His methods of attempting to bring me back into the fold leave a lot to be desired. I can’t trust him. Not even a little. I am certain he believes he’s acting in my best interests. I just disagree with him on what that means.”

Lex ran one hand lightly through Clark’s hair. “I’m afraid for you, Clark. His attitude towards you has changed radically over the past few months. Originally, he denigrated our friendship. Now, he practically encourages it. He actually compliments you. And he has repeatedly said that you seem to have a positive influence on me.”

Clark winced. “I’m not sure what he considers a positive influence, but the whole idea that he approves of me is a little scary.”

“More than a little, Clark. It’s very scary. I don’t want him to hurt you.”

“Well,” Clark said softly, “let’s start small, then. You tell me a secret and I’ll tell you one.” Lex inhaled sharply. He knew Clark would keep up his end of the bargain. He just wasn’t sure he would still have a friend after he told the first secret. Seeing his distress, Clark pulled Lex to his chest and gently tucked his head back into the crook of his neck. “It doesn’t have to be a big secret. I said we should start small.”

Lex felt safe in Clark’s arms. Still, this wasn’t easy. “It’s okay for you to start small, Clark, but I had probably better start with the one thing that haunts me the most.”

“Alright. I’m listening,” Clark assured Lex. He glared into the darkness, at Pete, over Lex’s head, signaling him to leave. Pete just shook his head slowly. If Clark was going to give up a secret, Pete was going to be there to protect him.

“Remember that day you came over and I was tearing my study apart?” Lex began. Clark nodded against the head cradled at his neck. “In the end, my sweepers found over a hundred listening and recording devices in the mansion. I was so angry I couldn’t see straight. I picked up the phone and called in a favor. I hired someone recommended as capable and ethical - to his line of work, anyway - to bug my father’s office. I set it up for a Sunday afternoon when no one would be there.” Clark inhaled sharply. It was all Pete could do to keep from reacting. Lex tried to pull away. Clark held him close, nodding for him to continue. “As soon as I found out the building wasn’t empty, I called to abort. Unfortunately, there was a coup. The man I hired was murdered by his employees and your mother and my father nearly lost their lives as well. I tried to talk them out. I told them about a secret exit so they could elude the police. I offered to pay them whatever they wanted if they would just not hurt them. Your father heard part of the call and told me that he had better not find out that I had anything to do with it.” Lex gave a wry little laugh. “If he knew what I’m telling you, he’d probably beat me to a bloody pulp and demand that I never come anywhere near you again. Not that I don’t deserve it.”

“You didn’t mean for anyone to get hurt,” Clark reminded him. “You chose a day when the building was supposed to be empty and you called it off when you found out it wasn’t. When they didn’t stop, you did everything you could to try to keep my mom and your dad safe. You did your best in a bad situation, Lex. I saw some of those bugs your father had planted, remember? I know you were seriously provoked.”

Lex looked up at him, incredulous. “You don’t hate me?”

Clark grinned. “Of course not, silly! I’ve got a doozy for you myself.” Lex looked at him expectantly. Clark gave him a wary look as he said, “You really did hit me that day on the bridge.”

Lex didn’t look surprised at all. In fact, he looked amused. “I already know that, Clark. There’s simply no other way it could have happened. I thought we were supposed to be sharing secrets.”

Clark laughed, pulling Lex tighter against him. “Alright,” he said. “How about this, then. I didn’t just see the bugs you had laid out and I didn’t guess about the stereo.” Lex just looked at him, waiting. Clark took a deep breath and then plunged in. “I can see through stuff when I try.”

“Stuff?”

“Yeah. Stuff. You know… Walls, doors, clothes…“ Clark blushed as he said the last one.

“Clothes, huh?” Lex mused. “I don’t suppose I escaped scrutiny?”

“Uh… No. Definitely not. But I wasn’t exactly myself at the time. It was when you invited me to come to Metropolis and stay in the penthouse with you.”

“Right,” Lex almost blushed. “You weren’t exactly yourself then, were you? What was that about?”

“Uh, Lex?”

“Yes, Clark?”

“One secret at a time, okay? I don’t think I can handle more than one a day.”

Lex laughed, relieved.

“It’s a plan, Clark. Now, do you suppose we could finally get out of here?”

“In a minute. There’s something I want to do first.”

Lex was momentarily confused, until Clark’s soft lips descended on his in a sweet, innocent kiss. Still, it left him breathless and weak in the knees. Clark cuddled him close, tucking his head back into that spot at his neck. It was beginning to feel - to both of them - that he belonged there.

Finally, Pete stepped out of the shadows. Meeting Clark’s eyes, he nodded his understanding and, without a word, he turned and walked away. For the first time, he could see Lex as an individual - not just a Luthor. As he exited into the sunlight, Pete shook his head in amazement. Who would have thought?