Willow studied the spell the other Xander had given her very carefully. Once she was fairly confident, she started gathering her spell components. She put them carefully on the table and picked the spell back up. She wanted to be sure she had everything.

Suddenly, the paper burst into flames. She dropped it quickly with a startled little scream.

Tara rushed in. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” Willow answered hesitantly as she watched the spell turn to ash. “It looks like someone doesn’t want this spell cast.” Her face turned grim. “All that means is that I’m definitely going to cast it! But, I didn’t memorize it completely, so I’ll have to research a bit before I can fill in the blanks.”

“Can I help?” Tara asked softly.

Willow smiled. “Of course. But we can’t tell anyone what we’re working on. I’ll explain later, okay?”

Tara nodded. She wouldn’t press. Willow would tell her when she was ready.

Spike didn’t feel comfortable leaving his car on the street – not with his treasure in it – so he pulled slowly into the Hyperion’s underground parking garage and parked close to the stairwell. He left everything in the car, locked it, and went out the way he had come in. He wanted to enter the hotel through the front door, not the garage – he couldn’t afford to sneak in.

He paused for a long moment outside the doors, collecting himself. The drive down had frazzled his nerves. He felt like he was on the verge of collapse. He had seen Angel’s convertible in the garage, so it was a safe bet that he was home. Somehow he wasn’t as comforted by that fact as he’d hoped.

He glanced anxiously at the doors. All of his doubts and fears were screaming at him to run as far and as fast as he could. He tried to ignore them. Putting them firmly out of his mind, he proceeded to give himself a little pep talk.

‘At least I stand a chance. Maybe Cordelia won’t stake me on sight. Maybe Angel will be right there in the lobby and I won’t have to try to explain m’self to a bunch of children. Or maybe Angel isn’t home at all and no one will listen to me and I’ll be relegated to a small pile of ash by the time my sire returns.’

“This isn’t helping,” he muttered under his breath. He took the necessary deep breath, straightened his shoulders and opened the doors. He entered the hotel with a determined look on his face. He looked around, but he didn’t see his sire. He was close, though. Spike was sure of it.

“Where’s Angel?” he demanded.

“Spike!” gasped Cordelia. Suddenly there was a crossbow in her hands and it was pointed at him. Gunn noticed immediately, raising one of his own. Fred and Wesley looked up from their research. Fred gave a little squeak and hid behind the office door. Wesley frowned and left his books. He walked into the lobby to face Spike with confidence.

“What are you doing here, Spike?” he asked, coolly.

“I’m here to see m’sire, not you or your little friends. Where is he?” Spike’s confidence was faltering, but his determination was not. He *had* to see Angel.

Wesley’s eyes narrowed. Gunn circled around behind Spike. The point of his crossbow never dipped. Cordelia held her position. Fred slowly peeked out and, grabbing a weapon, she dashed out and took up a flanking position.

“Why?” Wesley demanded.

“None of your damn business, Watcher! Now, where - is - my - sire?” Spike grated out. He was beginning to shake.

Wesley saw it and frowned. It confused him, but he held his ground. “Not good enough, Spike. What do you want with him?”

Spike shook harder. He was losing it. “I need to talk with him. That’s all *you* need to know! Now, where is he? Where is Angel?”

Wesley glanced over at Cordelia, confused. She shrugged back. This beyond the normal weird.

Spike’s gaze darted back and forth between them. He glanced around at the dark-skinned man and the kittenish waif. Strangers… He couldn’t make any guesses about how they would behave, but he could see the determination in the frightened girl’s eyes and the hard confidence in the man’s. He looked back to Cordelia and Wesley, but they gave no indication that they would bend.

Hopelessness swept through him. But he couldn’t just give up. Could he?

The weight of his despair drove him to his knees as he wailed out, “Sire!”

He dropped his head to the floor in front of him and wrapped his arms around himself, rocking, grief stricken.

A minute later, he heard Angel’s voice. “Will?”

A sob escaped Spike and he shook harder. Then Angel was kneeling in front of him.

“Spike?” Angel said softly. No response. He closed his eyes and thought for a moment. He could feel his childe’s pain, smell his terror – his despair. He knew the situation must be desperate for Spike to turn to him. He had to reach him.

Quietly, Angel looked around the room at his friends. Slowly, weapons lowered. Gathering his sire’s authority, he focused it into one quiet demand.

“William – Childe – look at me.”

Spike didn’t sit up, but his eyes shot up to meet Angel’s. Tears were pouring down his cheeks, but it was his eyes that clutched at Angel’s heart.

“Oh, my sweet boy,” Angel whispered in utter horror. “Who did this to you?”

Spike’s body shook with pained laughter. “Willow. Who else?” he managed to spit out.

Angel’s eyes went dangerously hard before he clenched them shut. Tears welled up at their corners. His whole body shook with the effort to control his rage. Spike was shaking like a leaf. He needed his sire to be strong for him. Spike had managed to overcome his hysteria and was looking up at Angel in desperation.

When Angel finally regained control, he looked down at his childe with compassion. “I’m here, Will. And you’re mine,” he whispered, for the ears of his childe alone. “I’ll take care of you.” And with that, he scooped Spike up in his arms, cradling him close, and turned to walk upstairs.

“Angel?” Cordelia called, worried.

Angel stopped, but he didn’t turn back. When he spoke, his voice was bleak.

“He has a soul.”

Wesley gasped and Cordelia’s crossbow clattered to the ground as Angel continued up the stairs with his precious burden.

Angel was terribly gently as he lay Spike down on his bed. Almost instantly, the younger vampire rolled over on his side and curled up in a little ball. Angel sighed and went back to lock the door to his suite.

This was a terrifying experience for Spike. He could scarcely believe he wasn’t dust. And Angel was being so gentle – so careful with him. But now he was gone and Spike lay, cringing, on his bed. He could smell his sire all around him. It smelled of comfort and security. Angel had placed him in his own bed. Suddenly, he sensed Angel standing over him. He could hear the brushing of fabric as Angel stripped out of his clothes

“Your turn,” Angel said soothingly, as he removed Spike’s Doc Martens and his socks. Then he scooped Spike back up into his arms and lifted him onto his bare feet. He helped Spike out of his duster, laying it carefully across the chair beside the bed.

Spike didn’t speak or even move. He could feel the silk of Angel’s boxers against his bare arm, then the bare skin of Angel’s broad chest as his shirt was pulled slowly up over his head and off.

Angel cradled his shaking childe against him as he undressed him. Sleeping in those tight clothes would not be conducive to rest. And Spike had to rest. The emotional trauma of his arrival here was obviously immense. Angel pulled Spike’s back firmly against his chest and was relieved when Spike tilted his head back against his shoulder. He stroked his skin, petting him, comforting him. Angel’s large hands moved purposefully to Spike’s belt. As he unbuckled it, Spike whimpered.

He paused. “What is it, Childe?”

Spike turned his face toward Angel’s throat, scenting his sire’s blood. “Not wearing anything under ’em.”

Angel cocked his head and raised an eyebrow. “And?”

“Just thought you should know.”

“Alright.” Still soothing. Still gentle. “Is that a problem for you?”

Spike turned his head to meet Angel’s eyes. “I don’t know,” he answered honestly. “Haven’t tried anything since…”

“Since she cursed you.”

“Yeah.”

“When, Spike?”

“It’s been a while.”

“Why didn’t you come straight to me when it happened?”

“I didn’t think you’d want me. I figured if I showed up at your door, the best I could hope for was a stake through the heart.”

“What changed your mind?” Then he frowned as another possibility occurred to him. “Or did it change?”

“Xander.”

“The Zombie?”

Spike giggled. “Nope. Another Xander. This one was from an alternate reality. He was wearing my claim, Sire. My alternate was his Mate. Dust, now, though… Poor kid.”

Angel closed his eyes briefly. Even thinking of his childe as dust hurt deeply. “How?”

“Said he was cursed by a vengeance demon. Left her at the altar or some such. He was shiftin’ through dimensions when he met the other me. They fell for each other, apparently. Then when he shifted, one time, they ended up in the sun. At least it was quick. I know the boy loved him. I held him while he slept. Seemed to comfort him, but that’s all he wanted. He woke a bit. Thought I was his mate. Tried to kiss me. I knew better, though. He’d’ve just hated me the next mornin’. He was grateful that I hadn’t taken advantage. He said I should come to you. I told him you hated me-”

“I don’t hate you, Spike!”

Spike brushed his fingertips lightly against Angel’s lips to hush him. “That’s what he said. He said that in one of the worlds he went to, you took vengeance on a man – a human – who had hurt me. That you drained me to my final death ’cause I begged you to end it. Said it broke your heart.”

Angel’s voice was ragged when he answered. “It would. Truthfully, Will… I don’t think I could do it. I couldn’t bear to lose you, Will – especially by my own hand.”

“He said I couldn’t go on; couldn’t live with what had happened to me. Said that’s why. He wouldn’t tell me what happened. Only that it had something to do with that Initiative that the Slayer got mixed up with – and took down – a couple of years ago. Apparently it was bad. Very bad. Managed to steer clear of them, m’self. Lot of others weren’t so fortunate.”

“You never really answered my question, Childe,” Angel scolded gently. He felt a strong need to bring the conversation back what was preying on his mind. “When were you cursed?”

Spike’s eyes dropped to the floor. He started shaking again and Angel automatically drew him closer, soothing him. “About four years ago, Sire.”

“Four years? Four years and I’m just now hearing about it? Hell! I was *in* Sunnydale four years ago! Why didn’t anyone tell me? Why didn’t *you* tell me?”

“What part of ‘I thought you hated me’ are you missin’, here? I was afraid to come anywhere near you, Sire. I thought you’d stake first and ask questions later if I showed up at your door.”

Angel wrapped Spike tight in his arms and just held him as he whispered words of apology, forgiveness and hope.

When Spike finally stopped shaking, Angel’s hands drifted back to his belt. “You can’t sleep in your jeans, Spike. I have plenty of boxers. I’ll let you borrow some, okay?”

“Okay,” Spike nodded sadly.

“What?” Angel asked, concerned. “Do you want me to go? Let you change on your own?”

“Probably best. I want you so much, Angel. I want you to hold me like this forever. I feel safe here.” He gave a sharp laugh. “So I figure, bad idea, right? Wouldn’t want to lose my soul.”

“You think I could give you perfect happiness? Even for an instant?” Angel asked, disbelieving, but pleasantly surprised.

“Why not? You have before.”

Angel chuckled softly. “That wasn’t happiness. It was ecstasy. There’s a difference,” he grinned.

Spike turned in his arms and burrowed against his chest, nuzzling at his neck. “I love you, Sire. I always have. Why didn’t you take me with you when you left us in China? I would’ve stayed with you.”

Angel’s laughter rumbled deep in his chest. “I thought you hated me.”

Spike joined him in laughter and pulled him down onto the bed. “You really think it’s safe?”

“Spike, I’m fairly certain that nothing is going to cause me to lose my soul again. I have my doubts that being with *Buffy* could do it – but it’s not a chance I’m willing to take.”

“And what about me? What if I lose my soul?”

“I know the spell and I can work it, Spike. If you lose your soul, I’ll just put it back. And we’ll know we can’t do this,” Angel said, exploring his mouth with a long, sensual kiss.

Spike returned the kiss full measure. He really did love his sire. He lifted his hips as Angel slipped his jeans off. Spike recognized the intensity of the emotions washing over him as he held Angel in his arms. He tensed and pulled back. Angel mirrored his movement with a worried look.

“I’m afraid, Sire,” Spike confirmed.

Angel kissed his neck, scraping blunt teeth along his jugular. “We both know how bad it would be, Will.” Angel pulled back to look him in the eyes. “You remember how Angelus was. How cruel he was to you – and he *loves you*. And I tried – *he* tried – to suck the world into hell. There was more than a little insanity in that attempt. I think the knowledge, alone, of what they would do will be enough to keep us from that total bliss – perfect happiness. But for me, there’s more. There are things that have happened that no one knows about except me, Spike.” Angel looked away. The pain was overwhelming. “So much I’ve given up. Because… Well, that’s not important.” He turned back to Spike with a mischievous smile. “What is important is that orgasms don’t do it. Not even when they’re with someone else.”

Spike frowned, the question unspoken.

“Darla was here,” Angel confessed. “Last year. I was going through a bad patch. I let Angelus have a lot of leeway. It helped, actually. He still hates me, of course, but I guess you could say we’ve sort of come to an understanding. I let him fight and scheme, and he lets me be. He actually comes up with some great plans…” Angel paused. “There *was* a point to this. Oh yeah, Darla was here. I slept with her.” Spike’s eyes went wide. “And I see you remember how talented she is in bed. Well, she put all her skill to use. She was trying to make me lose my soul and I was content to let her try. I have to confess, it was definitely one of the most physically pleasurable moments of my life. But it didn’t make me lose my soul.” He chuckled softly at Spike’s expression. “Yeah. She was shocked, too. The point is, orgasms, no matter how mind-blowing, aren’t enough. Sex won’t do it. That’s not true happiness, it’s just pleasure. Physical pleasure. True – perfect – happiness is a lot more profound than that. And I don’t think I’ll ever find that again. With anyone.”

“Still, you’re not willing to chance it with Buffy.”

“No. We can never be together. Not really. That *would* risk it. We couldn’t have anything other than a series of one night stands and then I would eventually lose her anyway, because slayers aren’t exactly known for their long life-spans. Being with her hurts, Spike. It would always remind me of what I gave up. What I can’t keep. Being with you reminds me of who I was. That is a good thing!” he insisted at Spike’s hurt look. “It keeps me grounded. It keeps me in the now without making me forget the past. That means I keep my soul. I think I’ll have the same effect on you or I wouldn’t be risking this. I want you, Will. I love you.”

“You do? Really?”

“Of course,” Angel smiled and pulled him close. He waited for Spike to raise his eyes. They were filled with wonder and a large measure of disbelief. Angel’s smile widened into a grin as he swooped in for a passionate kiss.

Spike’s toes curled.

He woke to an empty bed. He looked up and saw Spike, wearing only a pair of borrowed boxers, standing in the balcony doorway, smoking a cigarette. He was in the exact place Angel had stood, all those months ago, when he left Darla alone in his bed. Languorously, he stood and walked slowly over and wrapped his arms around his childe’s waist, hugging him loosely. He wanted Spike to feel comfortable. Spike didn’t look at him. He just continued to smoke.

He finished the cigarette and crushed it out on the doorframe. Dropping it, he covered Angel’s arms with his own. “I do love you, you know,” he said quietly. Angel didn’t speak, but he lowered his chin to rest on Spike’s shoulder. “I want to stay with you. Be with you, Sire. Like last night.”

Spike paused for a long moment as they looked out at the barely lightening sky. “I’ll do whatever it takes,” he continued, his voice assuring and pleading at the same time. “I’ll hunt the way you did in China. Or, if you prefer, I’ll eat out of bags, like you do. I won’t hurt the kiddies. I’ll even leave that damned witch alone, if it makes you happy. If you… do the spell… we won’t be able to be together like last night. You said so yourself. I couldn’t bear that. Neither could he. He wants you as much as I do, Sire.”

“You love me that much?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. Then here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to be very careful to keep it from them. If the kiddies, as you called them,” he smiled, “find out, they will stake us both. No question. I happen to know Cordelia has been planning for this moment for years. She never really lets down her guard.”

Spike turned his head and looked at his sire with wide, frightened eyes. “Angelus?”

“Now, don’t be like that, William. I know why you did what you did. I’m even glad of it. Sucking the world into hell – not one of my better plans, was it?” Angelus nuzzled at Spike’s neck before turning his shaking childe in his arms and kissing him senseless.

“We have to be careful,” he repeated. “At least until we can work out a plan. I think Cordelia would make an excellent vampire, don’t you? I wonder if she’ll still have the visions? And Fred is rather delightful in her way.”

“Kittenish, I thought,” Spike said softly. He wasn’t at all sure he liked the idea of his sire turning Cordelia. She was far too much like him. She could easily usurp his position with his sire.

“Yes,” Angelus mused. “Reminds me a bit of Dru before I drove her mad. I think, perhaps, it will be more fun to have her around if I don’t drive her mad. Dru’s lovely and fantastically vicious, but she’s a bit hard to follow. Fred’s hard enough to follow without adding madness to it. She has a brilliant mind, though. First Fred, then Wesley, I think. They’re both resources we can’t afford to waste. And he’s too great a risk if we don’t turn him. I’m not sure about Gunn, though. What do you think?”

“Not sure,” Spike said, uneasily. He wasn’t entirely sure Angelus wouldn’t turn on him. “Didn’t really even meet him. He wasn’t the least bit afraid of me, though. Tough. Strong. Completely confident. That’s how he came across, anyway. He would make a Master Vamp if you turned him. ’M sure of that.”

“Yes. You’re quite right. I’m just not sure… Perhaps you should be the one to turn him – if we decide that’s the best course. That way we will both have sire’s rights. Could be useful, that. He’ll be hard to control, no doubt.”

Spike burrowed into his sire’s embrace. “Sire?”

“Yes?” Angelus stroked his back lovingly.

“I don’t understand. Why aren’t you angry with me? I… I want so much to please you, now, but… you hurt me so much before. Why did you do that? Why were you so cruel to me? You weren’t like yourself at all. At least not toward me.”

“You’re right, William. I was not myself. I was mad with freedom and filled with rage. I took it out on you, Childe. You were a convenient target. I knew that, once things had calmed down, I could woo you back to me no matter how far away I pushed you. I know you love me. If we were human, it would be a weakness. But you’re my childe. The bond between us is written in stone. I abused that and you retaliated. Only natural. We are demons, after all. I should have taken my rage out on the minions. They were, at least, disposable. But childer are not. I should have fed you my blood until you healed instead of making snide comments and fucking Dru in front of you without offering you the slightest relief.”

Spike winced at the memory and Angelus grabbed his chin, roughly. “You are mine, Childe. Never forget that. I won’t. Not again.” And he shifted into gameface and kissed Spike brutally.

Spike followed suit and returned the violence full force. He shoved Angelus back into the room, stripping off his boxers along the way. He pushed Angelus down onto the bed, covering him with his smaller frame. Angel had made love to him. Now Angelus was doing so, their hands frantically trying to touch everywhere at once, the taste of blood on their lips. Violent and rough, yes, but there was love in every touch.

Spike wrapped a cool hand around Angelus’ hard cock and started pumping rhythmically. Angelus groaned his approval and reached over to grab the lube from the bedside table. He grabbed Spike by the hips and pulled him around so he could easily reach his opening. Quickly, he slicked two fingers with lube and pushed them inside his body, stretching him, searching for that certain spot.

In this new position, Spike’s mouth was in just the right spot to reach his sire’s cock. Leaning forward just a touch, he licked at it with a long stroke of his tongue. At just that moment, Angelus found what he was looking for. They both moaned, loudly.

“Take me in your mouth, Will,” Angelus commanded and he hissed his pleasure when he complied. Angelus closed his eyes and concentrated on the sensations his childe’s mouth was providing. His fingers stopped moving, but remained buried inside Spike. It wasn’t long before Angelus added a third finger, still not moving – not providing pleasure, just stretching his hole to accommodate him. ‘Mine.’

Finally, he reached down with his other hand and grabbed Spike by the hair, pulling him away. “Enough,” he said quietly, eyes narrowed. Spike stilled. He recognized the look he saw in his sire’s dark eyes. His face lit up in a brilliant smile. Angelus couldn’t help but smile back. His Will still knew his every weak spot, even after a century apart. Removing his fingers, he sat up and pulled Spike up to crush his mouth in another searing kiss. Spike whimpered at the sensations. He loved his sire!

Angelus broke the kiss and shoved Spike down to the bed on his stomach. He grabbed a couple of pillows and tucked them beneath Spike’s hips, then, with no further preparation, he slammed into his childe’s body. Spike threw his head back with a gasp – half pleasure, half pain. He was tender from his bouts with Angel. Angelus grinned and started to pound in and out mercilessly.

“Mine!” he insisted, harshly.

“Yours! Always yours,” Spike agreed. “Sire!” he cried out in desperation.

“No,” Angelus said firmly. “Not ’til I say.”

Spike whimpered in need. “Please, Sire!” he pleaded.

Angelus slowed his thrusts and leaned forward, bracing his arms beside Will’s body and whispered, “Do you need it?”

“Yes,” Spike whimpered in response.

“How bad do you need it?”

“Sire, please!”

Angelus pushed himself back up. “You obviously don’t need it that badly, yet. You’re still coherent.”

Spike sobbed with need. Angelus angled for his prostate. Spike wailed, “Please!”

Angelus smiled. “Come, Will. Come for me.”

Spike exploded against the pillow he was lying on with a shout of “Sire!”

That was enough. Angelus closed his eyes in bliss as he came, pulsing deep, buried inside the body of his favorite childe.

The room was growing lighter by the moment. Angelus pulled out of Spike’s tender hole and was rewarded with a pained whimper. ‘What a sweet sound,’ he thought. He was more than a little tempted to shove a few fingers into his boy just so he could hear more of those musical sounds. ‘Later, perhaps,’ he sighed softly as he dropped a kiss on the small of Spike’s back. He gave Spike’s perfect ass a gentle caress as he rose from the bed.

Angelus walked over to the balcony an looked out. ‘It’s a good thing it faces north,’ he shuddered. The twilight feel of the predawn had dissipated and he could feel the sun rising. Glancing down as he started to shut the door, he grimaced at the sight of three cigarette butts littering his balcony. ‘I’ll have to get Spike a nice stone ash tray,’ he mused. ‘A nice decorative standing one.’ He leaned down and picked them up and then pushed the door closed. He walked across the room and deposited the butts in the trash can before returning to draw the heavy curtains closed over the balcony door.

He turned back to face the room. His exhausted boy was so lovely lying, still as death, on the rumpled sheets. He was already asleep. Angelus leaned back against the thick curtains covering the door and watched. It was a sight he had been denied for far too long. His pleased smile turned to a puzzled frown when he heard Spike whimper in his sleep. Soon, there was a slow but steady stream of those soft, sad sounds coming from his sleeping boy.

‘That won’t do at all,’ Angelus thought, with a wicked smile. Any such sounds coming from his childe should be the direct result of *his* actions, not some random dream. He pushed himself away from the door and walked over to the bed. He looked down at Spike for a long moment before sliding into the bed beside him. He drew the covers up over them and pulled Spike firmly into his arms.

Spike tensed, waking slightly, then relaxed against the familiar body and returned to sleep. This time, he didn’t whimper.

He felt safe.

Angelus smiled and and allowed himself to follow his childe into sleep.