Xander’s POV

I wish I could tell if he’s awake or not. He’s so still. I wasn’t expecting him to be so attentive. I should have, I guess. I mean he took care of Drusilla for all those years. But this feels different. Maybe because it’s me he’s taking care of. We took a slow romantic walk around the back yard earlier. Most everyone else was asleep, but it was a beautiful night. I haven’t seen the stars so bright in a long time.

I’m wearing my patch, now. It’s black leather and I think it makes me look like a pirate. Spike just laughed when I told him that. He said he never met a pirate that wore one in real life.

I asked if he had met many pirates. His response? Most of the really serious pirating was before his time. Said I should ask Angel ’cause he’s probably eaten a few.

I think I’m in love.

Spike’s POV

I want him.

It’s all I can do not to toss him on the bed and kiss him senseless. But I want it to be right. I want our first time together as lovers - not just sex-partners - to be special.

He’s getting restless. He doesn’t want to wait.

I don’t either.

But I will.

I’ll wait until it’s right. Until it’s not just sex - it’s love-making.

I need the words.

Xander’s POV

It’s late afternoon. Spike’s asleep, but he’s restless. He’s cuddled up against me, but he can’t seem to stay still. Very unusual for him. He usually sleeps like the dead. No pun intended.

Tomorrow I get to try out the prosthetic eye. It’s supposed to look just like my own. Meanwhile I’m still wearing the patch.

I’m not sure what to do. I want to seduce him. The way he’s been acting the past few days, though… I’m not sure what he wants. He seems withdrawn. Like he doesn’t want to take things further. But just sleeping in each other’s arms isn’t enough for me anymore.

I wonder if he’s having second thoughts about us?

Willow slowly opened the door to the basement. She called Xander’s name quietly.

“Come on in, Wils,” he said softly.

Willow walked slowly down the stairs and hesitantly sat down in the chair. She sighed.

Xander raised his eyebrows. Willow smiled. She was worried.

“What is it, Wils? Let me guess! You found a restoration spell, but you’re not sure it will work properly and you’re afraid that if it goes wrong, it’ll make things worse than they already are.”

“I knew there was a reason you’re my best friend. You always get it,” Willow smiled softly. “I have found a spell. I am confident it will restore your eye, but there may be other side effects.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know for sure. You might start to get visions like Cordy. Or you might develop some form of X-Ray vision or be able to see beyond the normal spectrum or something like that.”

“But, I’d be able to see? Out of both eyes?”

“Definitely. But there might be other side effects we can’t begin to foresee. Giles is worried.”

“Well, if the Watcher is worried, there’s probably good reason for concern,” Spike cut in. He didn’t move from his position - wrapped around Xander - but he did look up. “Maybe we need to look it over more carefully. See if we can narrow down the possibilities.”

“I want my eye back,” Xander insisted.

“I want your eye back too, but not if it means you aren’t you anymore!” Spike shot back.

“That wouldn’t happen! Would it?” Xander demanded, worried.

Willow shrugged, hesitantly. “There’s really no way to be certain of what could happen. I need more time to research the possibilities. Also, we need to find out how this spell would affect the Bringers. We might be able to use it as a weapon against them.”

“That’s of the good, then, isn’t it?” Xander asked, excited. “On with the research then!” He jumped up, dislodging Spike and grabbed Willow by the arms. “Let’s go! Study! Yeah!”

Willow and Spike exchanged a look and burst out laughing.

Spike’s POV

Xan looks like he’s about to collapse. That’s my cue to sweep him up into my arms and carry him off, right?

But this is so important to him!

I can’t just arbitrarily drag him off. As much as I want too.

And I can’t afford to miss any information that we discover about this spell or it’s possible side effects. I can’t let him go through with it unless I’m sure it’s safe.

I can’t risk losing him. Not like that.

I just hope he understands.

“Xan?”

“Yeah, Spike?” Xander answered with a yawn.

Spike smirked. “That’s it! Off to bed with you!” and he stood to help Xander up.

“But-”

“No buts! Go to bed! I’ll stay and keep tabs on ’em. You won’t be left out. Promise. Now go.”

“Spike?” Xander said under his breath, a worried look on his face.

“What is it, luv?” Spike asked softly, taking Xander’s face in his hands.

“Come with me?”

“Are you sure?”

Xander nodded. His fear was evident to Spike. He could smell it.

“Alright,” he assured his lover. Then, turning to the group, he said, “Later then. Do let us know if you find anything. But not tonight, eh?”

He took Xander’s hand and led him away.

“So, luv, what was that all about?” Spike asked once they were alone in the basement.

“Why haven’t you…”

“Why haven’t I what?” Spike asked, helping Xander settle into their bed.

“We’ve been sleeping next to each other - in each other’s arms - every night, but that’s all.” Xander decided to throw dignity aside and resort to his teenage terminology. “Why hasn’t there been any naughty touching? I want naughty touching!”

Spike laughed. “Are you sure you’re up to it? I know this has been hard on you. And not just physically.”

“I don’t know. But I need you to touch me. I need to know you still want me. You DO, don’t you?

Spike got a shocked look on his face. “Of course, I do, pet! I just want it to be right. No mistakes. No regrets. I want us to be sure of how we feel first. Remember what I said about what I need, here? I don’t want to take steps you’re going to want to take back.”

Xander got a thoughtful look on his face.

“Spike? What happens if they can’t guarantee that the spell will be safe?” he asked in a detached voice.

Spike scowled. “Depends.” He started pacing. “If they can be reasonably certain of it, I can go with that. There are no absolute guarantees with magic. But if it’s a 50/50 proposition, I’ll have a real problem. I’ll do everything in my power to convince you not to do it.”

“You won’t try to make the choice for me?” Xander’s voice was curious but not worried.

“No.” Spike was solemn as he paused. “You haven’t given me that right.”

“And if I did?”

“Then I would not let you risk yourself unnecessarily,” Spike was quick to answer. The pacing started again. “It would be one thing if your life were at stake, but it’s not. And, if the choice were mine, I would never let you risk yourself unless it were.”

“What would make you feel the decision was yours? What would you see as giving you that right?”

His detachment was starting to trouble Spike.

“If you were my mate, you would be mine to protect. Final decisions about anything affecting your safety would be mine.”

“I’m not a child,” Xander commented, surprisingly not indignant.

“I know. Doesn’t matter. Not if you’re going to be my mate. I’ll protect you, even from yourself.”

“Would you turn me?”

“No.” He sank down onto the bed and took Xander’s hands in his own. “Not without your consent and, even then, not unless Red could give you back your soul right off, with no conditions. Without your soul, you wouldn’t be you. But if that were the case, yeah. I would. I’d like to have more than a single lifetime to share with you. I’d like to see you frozen in time at the prime of your life. Not have to watch you grow old, get weak and eventually die from something I can’t protect you from. I want to have you with me forever. But only if you love me. What’s the point if you don’t?”

Xander nodded. “Buffy’s been protecting me for years. Never mind that, in spite of not having any special powers, I’ve been there every night, fighting at her side. I’ve been injured, sure, but I’m still here. And still looking to fight the good fight. I don’t mind being protected as long as I’m not treated like I’m helpless. I can fight and I do. I will continue to fight with or without my left eye. Can you deal with that?”

“I wouldn’t ask or expect anything else. I will be at your side though. The LEFT one. That way I’ll be between you anything coming at your blind side. If you get the eye back, we’ll talk after we see how you’re affected. Okay with that?”

Xander smiled. “So what do we have to do to make this official. I mean, I assume that if I’m your mate, you’re mine as well, right?”

“First, you have to be absolutely certain of your feelings. Don’t go into this unless you love me completely. As much as Red loved her witch. Cause if you don’t love me that much, I won’t go through with it. It’s forever, you see. And only forever love is worth it.”

Spike was filled with an intensity Xander had only seen in others in life or death situations.

“I understand,” he said softly. “How do I convince you that I do love you that much?”

“Do you love me at all? ’Cause you’ve never said it. And that would be a start,” Spike answered him wryly.

Xander grinned. “Yeah, I guess it would.” He took Spike’s face in his hands and pulled him in for a long lover’s kiss. When they finally pulled away from each other, Xander brushed his thumb over Spike’s lips and waited until Spike’s eyes were focused on him.

“I love you, Spike. I love you, William. Whatever name you go by, I love you. I fought it for a long time. I didn’t want to love you. But I did. Even before you got your soul back, I loved you. I couldn’t accept you, though. Not without a soul. But once you had your soul back, I couldn’t resist you anymore. I wanted to hate you. I tried to hate you. I couldn’t. I couldn’t help but love you. Now that I’ve accepted that my feelings for you are real, I can embrace them and cherish them and share them. With you. With everyone. If you’ll let me. Will you let me?”

Spike couldn’t speak over the lump in his throat. He just crushed Xander to him and nodded as the tears started.

Xander tightened his arms around his love and stroked his head and back, murmuring words of love.

Just as Xander dropped his robe, there was a heavy banging on the basement door.

Xander heard Willow’s voice in his mind. From his expression, Spike heard it too.

“I realize I’m interrupting what amounts to a honeymoon, here, and can I just say - WOW, that was quick - but do you two happen to remember that Xander has a doctor’s appointment in exactly 37 minutes?”

“Oh, shit!” Xander said.

“I’ll second that,” Spike added, his eyes roving over his Mate’s naked body in disappointed longing.

“I heard that, Spike!” Willow giggled. “And could you please keep that image to yourself? He is my best friend, you know!”

“And can I just say, eww!” Xander matched his expression to the word. “No naked Xander thoughts when Wils is listening in, please!”

Spike and Willow just laughed.

Xander’s POV

Well, the doctor assures me that I’ll get used to it. But this new eye feels really weird.

I think I like the patch better.

Willow says it looks completely normal - just like my own eye did.

Buffy was fairly quiet.

Anya was vocal, as usual. She said that aside from my new left eye not being expressive and me not being able to see out of it, I look absolutely the same as I did before that psycho First worshipper gouged my eye out.

Always encouraging, Anya.

Everyone else was encouraging and all nice about it. Even Giles.

Giles and Willow did take me aside and tell me that they could both actually ‘see’ Spike’s Mark on me. The Mark of a Consort. Giles says it ‘looks’ different than a regular ownership Mark. He asked if Spike had mentioned the need for Angel, as the Head of his Line to Mark me as well, as an expression of his Blessing on our Union.

And, yes, I could actually hear the capitalization. Creepy!

He was actually surprised that Spike had been upfront and honest with me about everything. Willow gave him a dirty look over that, so I didn’t have to do anything but look all superior. That was fun!

I also teased Giles about knowing Spike’s full name. It’s never been in any of the Watcher’s documentation. He’s already starting to badger me for it.

I’m not telling.

I said if Spike wanted them to know, he would tell Giles himself.

Now I get to face Spike. I hope he likes the new eye. If he doesn’t, I’m going back to the patch. At least it makes me look dashing.

Spike said so.

Spike was asleep. Xander stripped off his clothes and crawled into the bed beside him. Spike immediately curled around Xander’s body. Xander sighed happily and drifted off to sleep.

He woke, hours later, to the delightful sensation of Spike’s mouth on his body. He smiled lazily. Then he gave Spike a little stretch. He seemed to like that, so Xander arched up, stretching some more. Spike moaned against his stomach. Licking his way back up Xander’s chest, Spike covered the boy’s lush mouth with his own in a deep, possessive kiss. Xander moaned into his mouth. Wrapping his arms around his lover’s body, he held on tight.

Spike broke the kiss reluctantly. He looked into Xander’s eyes, carefully inspecting the new prosthetic one. “Well, luv, it seems you look the same as before. Pity you don’t see the same, too.”

Xander smiled. “Is it okay, then? Or do you prefer the eye patch?”

“I like seeing you like this - lookin’ like before. But nothin’ says you can’t wear the patch over it on occasion, pet,” Spike grinned. “Whenever we decide to play pirate.”

“Ahoy, matey, and all that,” Xander sighed as he pulled Spike’s mouth back down to his. Spike laughed into his mouth as their kiss resumed. Never losing contact, Spike slipped his arms around Xander’s torso and rolled them over so that Xander was on top.

“Xan?” Spike asked against his mouth.

Xander pulled back to look at Spike before he answered. “Yes, my love?”

“Make love to me,” Spike whispered.

“I thought that was what I was doing,” Xander said softly, kissing Spike’s neck.

“Oh, yeah, right there, luv, right there,” Spike murmured as Xander’s lips closed over his neck just below his jaw. Xander sucked gently for a moment before moving down Spike’s neck and further, closing over a pale nipple. Spike arched into his mouth. Xander smiled and moved to the other nipple and nipped at it. Spike moaned his approval.

Xander slowly kissed and nipped his way down Spike’s chest, caressing his sides. After kicking the covers away, Xander settled between his Mate’s legs and began lapping at his erection like an ice cream cone. “Mmmm,” Xander sighed as Spike took a sharp breath. Finally, he carefully pulled back on the foreskin and closed his mouth over the tip. Spike closed his eyes and reminded himself that he didn’t actually need to breathe. Which was a good thing, because he didn’t think he could draw a breath if his life had depended on it.

Over the recent months since they had first become sex partners, Spike had proven that he could deep-throat with ease, causing Xander an insane amount of pleasure in the process. Xander had never quite been able to reciprocate, but he had been practicing. He wanted to return the favor.

This time, he did.

Spike nearly came off the bed. He tugged at Xander’s hair, but Xander just looked at him without moving. Spike gave him a small smile and closed his eyes and lay back and enjoyed the amazing sensual pleasure his Consort’s mouth was giving him. Xander used every trick Spike had used on him. It was more effective than he had dreamed. Spike was so aroused by the entirety of the situation that he couldn’t hold back.

He reached down and tugged at Xander’s hair again. “About… to cum… luv,” he managed. Xander raised up until just the tip of Spike’s penis was in his mouth and increased the suction. Spike came with a soft cry of “Xander!”

Xander kept sucking softly until he had swallowed every drop and Spike was clean. But not soft. With Xander’s mouth on him, so lovingly, the vampire was hard and ready again in no time.

He pulled insistently at Xander until he raised his head, releasing his lover’s hard cock. Spike pulled Xander up and kissed him hard, tasting himself on Xander, until he began to pull away. He let Xander up for air and then he kissed him again, long and slow, two sets of hands roving all over lover’s bodies.

“Prepare me,” Spike demanded as they relaxed against each other. Xander looked up at him. Spike kissed him quickly and answered the unspoken question. “I want you inside me this time. Need to feel you fillin’ me, pet. Need to look at you and know you’re mine.”

Xander gave him a gentle smile and reached for the lube. “I want to be inside you, Will,” he said softly. Spike gasped. “What?” Xander asked innocently. “Did you think I would never call you by your name?”

“Not something I hear often, luv.”

“Do you mind?”

Spike smiled at him. “No. I don’t mind.”

Xander smiled back and said, “Good. I like the idea of calling you Will in private.” He cocked his head, looked at Spike intently and added, “You know, I have seen more real smiles from you in the past two weeks than in the whole rest of the time I’ve known you.”

“That’s because I’m happier now than I’ve ever been before.”

“Even when you were first turned?” Xander asked as he gently prepared his lover. “I thought you and Dru and Angelus had a grand ol’ time.”

“Oh, we did,” Spike assured him. “Darla, too. But I wasn’t truly happy. I was always afraid for my life. Angelus and Darla were hardly doting parents. I emulated Angelus because I wanted them to let me live.”

“Damn,” Xander said softly as he slicked himself up. “I didn’t realize.” He frowned as he pulled Spike’s legs up over his shoulders. “I’m glad that’s over. I’m glad you’re here with me and I’m glad you don’t have to live in fear anymore. At least not from those around you.”

“Yeah,” Spike said, looking up at Xander with hooded eyes. “Now it’s just the Uber Vamps and The First Evil. But enough about that, already. It’s past time to stop talking and start shagging! Inside me! Now!” he demanded harshly.

”Are you sure you’re ready?” Xander teased.

“YES!”

“Alright, then.” Xander pushed in hard and was in to the hilt in one stroke. Spike gasped his pleasure and moaned raggedly as Xander started to move. Xander angled carefully, hitting Spike’s prostate with each stroke. Soon, he was mewling helplessly but Xander was merciless. He pounded in and out, getting closer to his own orgasm with each passing moment.

Spike reached for him. Xander let Spike’s legs drop around him and then pulled him up tight against his body. He continued his steady movement, grasping Spike’s hips and tilting his neck for his bite.

Spike was close, himself. As Xander moved fanatically in and out of his willing body, his own arousal was pressed between their bodies, receiving the friction he craved. When he felt he was right on the edge of the precipice, his features shifted into gameface and he sank his fangs into Xander’s shoulder. As the blood of his Mate hit his tongue, Spike came hard, his internal muscles rippling around his lover. That pushed Xander over the edge and he came with an incoherent shout.

When they came down, they were lying together, still wrapped in each other’s arms. Xander’s softening cock was slowly slipping from Spike’s body. Xander kissed Spike gently and rolled to his side. He gently stroked Spike’s chest, dropping a kiss on it occasionally.

After a long while, he spoke.

“By the way, did I mention Willow was a wee bit upset that we didn’t ask her to officiate at our wedding? She told me at the doctor’s office when it was just the two of us. I told her that, if the image she got from you this morning was more than she wanted to see, then she definitely should be glad she wasn’t at the actual Claiming because we said our vows in the middle of making love, when you were buried deep inside me. I am pleased to say she blushed a very nice candy apple red.”

Spike roared with laughter. “Wish I could’ve seen it, luv. Maybe I’ll mention it to her - see if I can get another blush!”