Author's Website: http://www.geocities.com/caffre_19/South.html

Disclaimer: Since slavery is illegal, I can't claim to own anyone.

Author's Notes: For the due South Lyric Wheel Challenge

Story Notes:

"Don't be ridiculous."

I saw the look of rejection combining with forced humour on his face, even before she had turned down his offer of dinner and dancing. I'm sure he knew even before his mind had formed the question what her reaction was going to be. This time though, the laugh she shared with her colleges in the courthouse hurt not only him.

I know for a fact that Stella Kowalski must have, at some point in her life, been a vibrant, caring and beautiful person, for how else could someone like Ray, a man so filled with these things himself they're telling with every move he makes, not have fallen so in love with her?

This time though, his pain is felt by more than himself, for a long time it's been my pain too. Realistically I know he can never be mine, for so many reasons I've grown tired of counting them. But my main reason is his misguided dream of loving Stella.

He obviously is basing his continued attempts on something in their lives they shared, some time in both their lives when Ray's happiness was just as important to her as hers was to him.

I wish I could make him forget, but I know I can't. He has to do that for himself.

"You should have seen it Fraser. God, it was beautiful."

This is the Ray I love, the one I can see myself loving. "I wish I had of. You should have waited for me."

He slaps me gently on the chest with the back of his hand. "Yeah, well, if you hadn't've been such a slow coach..."

"Ray, I was doing my duty, protecting..."

He laughs, still so full of adrenaline and I can't help but laugh with him, and for a second I think he can see how I feel about him in my eyes. I don't know why I think that, perhaps wishful thinking on my part, but suddenly its like he knows and all I see is a tenderness around his eyes that tells me its ok.

"Sorry, I forgot you Canadians feel the urge to..." He turns at the sound of a voice, somehow catching it before me, that's how attuned he is to her.

His whole posture changes then. One second he's happy and relaxed, the next, needy and anxious. Again I wonder who could have fashioned him in this way, who instilled in him this desperation?

He leaves my side and goes over to her, and I want so badly to stop him, but I don't. I can't. I just watch the scene unfold.

At first she's calm, as is he, and for a while I almost think he's not going to do anything. My hearing is very finely attuned and if I wanted, I could listen into their conversation. But I can't. I'm just not built that way. Well, all right, maybe I am, a little, but this is different.

And then, I don't need to try and listen into the conversation anymore.

"God Ray! Don't you ever give up? Don't you get it? It's over. We've been over for ages now. The biggest mistake of my life was getting involved with you!"

I watch, as does everyone else, the scene unfold. Ray slumping slightly against the wall, Stella blind in her rage to the spectacle she's making, the pain in Ray's eyes.

"But Stella..."

"But nothing Ray." She suddenly realises that everyone is watching, listening to every word she's saying. The heat in her face suddenly dies down to a cold, calm, beguilingly tender expression as she leans in to whisper something to him that only Ray and I hear.

"I hate you."

He suddenly, somehow, finds the courage to look up at her, but in the next instant she's gone, the noise of her heels marking her passage out of the building.

Ray looks up, and god help me if I don't want to tell him there and then how I feel. To try and help fill that aching hole he must have to crave something so wrong so badly.

Instead I walk over to him, Dief following in my wake. I've always considered myself a cold, slightly aloof, and frequently an annoying person, hiding myself from the real world, but I put an arm around him. People can say what they like, I don't care just now. Ray needs me.

"Why do I do it Frase? What is it about me? Am I really that fuckin' sad?"

"Yes Ray."

He looks up at that, and I smile at him. He smiles back, but as usual after a conversation with his ex-wife, it doesn't quite reach his eyes.

We're at Ray's place now, Welsh having witnessed the entire thing, a look from him telling me to take him home. "Ray."

"Yes Fraser?"

"Can I be honest with you?"

He rubs at his eyes. "Yeah, sure. Why not. It seems to be the fashion at the minute."

I wince a little at his harsh words, thinking that I could be capable of hurting him in that way. Still, he needs to hear this. "This thing your using is worse than a photograph."

Now I've lost him.

"What the hell are you talkin' about?"

"You're living in the past, on memories that are no longer applicable to your current situation. To be honest, I think you've known and have only known Stella for so long that you don't know how to be with anyone else. Your memories are just that. A picture, something that looks pretty. You're not meant to base your life on it, you can't, its just a memory now."

He's quiet for the longest time, and I wonder if I've gone too far. He's shaking slightly and, finally, he turns to me, fear in his eyes. "I don't...I can't be alone Fraser. It hurts too much."

Now I'm the one who's shaking as I reach out my hand and rest it on his. "Why have you been hitting on Stella so hard Ray? Because you're afraid to be alone? Is that it?"

He turns to me, tears now in his eyes, and suddenly I'm uncomfortable. There's honesty in there now, and I'm afraid of what that might mean.

"You're right Fraser. Straight on the nose. I don't know how to be with someone else. I don't know how to love anyone else but Stella. But I..." His hand moves, it's hidden strength covering my own, the heat from it like a form of communication. Fire.

He moves closer, trembling, as he leans towards me, and I want and fear and need and desire on so many levels I can't respond as he kisses me, opens my mouth with his tongue and proves to me in such a short space of time that he's finally telling himself and me the truth.

He pulls back suddenly, rising to his feet, moving as if he's not sure where he should be going. "Christ I can't believe I just..." He drags his eyes to look at mine. "I'm so sorry. Sorry. Sorry."

He picks up his coat, heading for the door when I get up and stop him, holding on tight to his arm.

"Did you like it?"

He looks so dejected, so miserable, part of me wants to let him run, to let him pretend he can feel better about this if he can just pretend it never happened. But he's not the only one at risk here. I need to know.

He looks puzzled now. "What?"

I don't see the point in repeating myself, so I just repeat his actions. I grab him and pull him close, holding him still while I kiss him, letting him know through this simple, wonderful, unbelievable act that I want this. Want him. Badly.

At first he doesn't respond, but I'm not really thinking now, just praying that he'll finally see that its this, that its me that he needs, just as I need, want this with him.

And I have my answer, his hands moving onto my back, pulling me closer to him, following my enthusiasm with a healthy dose of his own.

We finally pull apart, breathless, connected again, and the misery is gone from his eyes.

"What are we doin?"

It's not said with any hint of regret though, in fact, that grin I love on him is back.

"I'd say we where kissing Ray. And doing a rather fine job of it to."

He laughs, an honest sound once again, but he sobers up quick.

"And Stella?"

"You loved Stella Ray. But you've only ever really had her for a frame of reference, the love the pair of you once shared. Then when you fell in love again, you thought it was with her. It was...easier."

"I've fallen in love again?" He strokes my arm with his hand, a delightful friction sending some of that heat I felt earlier down to my groin.

"I..." Here my confidence falters. After all, I can't say for certain how he feels, only how I hope he feels. But I can say without a doubt what's been burning in me for the longest time.

"I love you."

His had stills, and he looks at me, a slightly stunned expression. But it's gone in a second.

"You don't. Do you?"

I say it again. "I love you." I know he needs to hear me say it, that he's a little lost and needs some kind of trail to find his way.

"You sure?"

I lean closer to him, sniffing the side of his neck before licking it like I've wanted to so many times before. "Mmmm."

"I..."

I stop. Look him in the eyes. "Not everyone you say it to leaves Ray. I promise."

He nods in silent agreement, but I know he's thinking of Stella. His father and mother. I understand this kind of pain. It's as much a part of me, of the both of us, as breathing.

"You sure?" He's still in my arms. Doubt. Fear and uncertainty too deeply ingrained for a quick cure.

"I'd stake everything on it." I kiss him gently on the cheek. "My heart." Soft lips against mine. "My soul." Pale blue eyes closed to accept my touch. "My life."

He laughs a little, but his grip on me tightens. "I never took you for a romantic."

"I'm not." We kiss again, moist lips fastening, locking together, a hunger spreading from this point to everywhere. Breathless and wonderful, a touch of electric.

"I just wanted you to know how I felt. How I feel. About you Ray."

"I do."

I feel the smile on my own face spreading, mirroring his. "You do? Do what?"

"I love you."

My own doubt bubbles up. "Really?"

He traces a hand down my face, over my serge-covered heart, freeing it for me in such a simple and easy way and then down to my hip, pulling me even closer.

"Yes, really. Thank you."

I'm slightly puzzled now. "For what?"

"Letting me see for myself. For not getting in the way of The Stella and me. I guess I needed to learn for myself that it was over. I think that maybe, on some level it was easier to hear her reject me than it would have been if it was you."

I could kiss him again, but I don't. It feels wrong somehow at this moment. Instead I just hold him, tight, like he's all I have to keep me from falling over the edge into damnation.

Eventually we pull apart, finally done with this method of communicating. He takes my hand and leads me to the bedroom, and I can't help but feel my heart beat faster than I could have thought possible.

As we lie down on the bed, I know Stella is there with us, some picture of her there in his mind, but that's all right now. I know he still loves her, but I don't think I could love him if he gave up so easily. I know that this will take time, but we've both taken the first step. Everyday I'll show him just how much I care, and I know, one day, his heart will be completely mine. And I'll cherish it.

The End

Chosen by Sel
Memories are Designed to Fade by Savage Garden

I'd never let you down when you're in a fix I'd come running when you call
That's my weakness baby
So connected are we

You get your kicks from the ghost of a memory So busy turning away from reality baby
That you just won't let it go

But memories fade
Yeah they're designed that way

But you're so wrapped up in her you don't see straight Watch her mangle the truth while you take the bait So tell her can't you see?
Your just turning yourself inside out for no need

This thing you're using is worse then a photograph It picks you up and it turns you inside out now baby And it just won't let you go

But memories fade
Yeah they're designed that way

She doesn't love you anymore
Maybe she did long ago
You're just a slave to the grind that she grew tired of baby So tell her can't you see?
You're just turning yourself inside out for no need But memories fade
Cause they're designed that way

She doesn't love you anymore
Maybe she did long ago
You're just a slave to the grind that she grew tired of baby So tell her can't you see?
You're just turning yourself
You're just turning yourself inside out for no need

You're just turning yourself inside out for no need.