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Author's Notes: This ficlet may have Ray remembering his time with a female when he was younger, but did you really think I'd make it Het?! :::sheesh:::

Story Notes: I can't keep track of all the spoilers I use!

Chosen Devotion
by LadyAna

The Italian found himself enjoying the chill in the air that day. The Riv was at her best and the traffic wasn't all that bad for a change. He yawned as he pulled up to a traffic light and shook the sleepiness from his head. He'd been up late the night before doing research, trying to find out all he could about Annie McGray. Ray had ran into her the night before, while obtaining the Glendorlan Scotch whiskey for Fraser.

*Oh, let me make that sister Anne. Geez. Now, that is a title I never thought I would use for anyone I went to high school with! How long has it been anyway? Nearly twenty years, at least.*

It was a strange sensation, when one could easily profess nearly two decades had passed since one survived those last four years in the educational system. Ray loved a few girls in that short span, even one he'd wanted to stay with for a lifetime... It made him guilty to remember Annie McGray wasn't The One. It still hurt, after all these years, to recall the last night they were together...

She'd always feared her father, a strict disciplinarian - a man rabid enough to extract a pound of flesh from the one he accused of defiling his daughter. At the time, Ray had no choice - it was either get the Hell out of there or be beaten to a pulp! His last memory of that night was nonetheless than horrible. Tears streamed down Annie's face, her hair was rumpled and she nursed a sore wrist - from where her father had yanked her to the other side of the room, away from Ray. Their eyes met as he was being pushed out, her gaze as petrified as any deer in oncoming, unstoppable headlights. The sick dread of both their fates left him cold and terrified. Not that it made any difference.

Next came the basic, impersonal phone call. She wouldn't even speak to him. Anne left a message with Rosa Vecchio, who passed the news of the breakup on to her youngest son. Ray cried that night, spending time afterward in his room, moping around for at least a week. All the while, he sometimes felt a sense of false grief, like he was going through the motions for appearances sake. But he didn't know why. One morning, the teenaged Ray looked in the mirror and wondered, could he forget about her now? Had enough time had passed by for him to appropriately ask out another girl who'd caught his eye? It was then he understood his motivation for trying so hard to love her. The shame was so deep, he refused to date anyone for months.

A lifetime later, he realized that he had cared for Annie, but he didn't love her, just as he feared. The pain of that, of the way he'd used her, was with him even now. He'd wanted to go to Ricky Stangle's basement in hope that if they got a little closer, then those deeper feelings would follow, that he'd cherish her as he had Irene Zuko. The awful truth of it was why the Italian had chosen the youngest McGray daughter as his latest pursuit: because she was the utmost opposite of the alluring, unobtainable, once-interested female Zuko.

An honor student, a volunteer at an animal clinic, shy and reserved, with long shimmering blond hair, Annie was security incarnate. It was the perfect haven for a young man whose heart had been shattered by a dark-haired, pale beauty. There were rumors everywhere about him and Irene and Ray always believed on some level, Anne had heard them as well. And understood she was the rebound chick.

Could one get over such an event? Turning to the church for strength is one thing, but did Anne actually choose this selfless path because of what happened so many years ago? Such a possibility was damned near unthinkable. And honestly, when he thought about it, quite arrogant of him to consider. But when Ray recalled the events surrounding the first tragic love affair between he and Irene, it didn't take much for the cop to remember feeling her loss so, very, many years later. Back when he was sixteen, the world was little more than what he and Irene meant to each other. Irene was the first. The first everything. It ended with Frankie threatening to have him killed on sight. The most crushing part was when Irene conceded to the separation. There was just no way she could stand up to both her father and Frankie in full Zuko eruption mode. But...did she have to start dating again so soon?

Through the years, her absence was enough for him to spin a whole world of possibilities, of `maybes' and `if only's.' The pain lessened over time, but the night they met again at Frankie's birthday party caused Ray's world to unravel for the umpteenth time in such a short period. It was over two decades of Ray hating the son of Zuko, nursing wounds of lost opportunities and trying to forget Irene through other women, which he was never truly successful at. All of which did, in fact, make him crazy enough to act like a vigilante and be a star player in her death. He was ready to throw it all away for a woman he hadn't seen in years.

As he pulled up to the curb outside the school grounds, he saw Anne talking with a few girls. Over twenty years ago, he'd tried to fill the void and loss in his life by making her a substitute for the real thing. Seeing her now, he realized it made little difference either way. He owed her. And somehow he'd repay that debt. End

End Chosen Devotion by LadyAna: LadyAna5@aol.com

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