Disclaimer: I don't own the boys or Due South *sniff*. Alliance et al do. But when it comes to season three, they can keep it.

Author's Notes: I'm not a fan of Season Three, I live in a land of denial! I see Flashback as the last DS episode. But still it happened so I decided to come up with a way to explain all the things that bothered me about it. Yes another it was all a dream story but hopefully a bit different. This was the result.
Thanks to themoo for her insights about therapy and for her betaing work.

Story Notes: Spoliers for Flashback, again. I do like that episode! Possible spoilers for Season 3.

Constable Benton Fraser of the RCMP was nervous. He supposed there was nothing to be nervousabout. This wasn't the first time he'd been to see a psychiatrist. He'd had psychiatric reviews before, such as after the whole Victoria incident. But this was different. This was talking about things that had never even happened. It was silly. Yet Ray thought it was a good idea so why not? Adopting his best 'I am a Mountie' routine, Constable Fraser took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

He was greeted by a pleasant female voice who told him to "Come in."

Fraser decided that was a good idea, rather than standing outside and conducting the session through the wall, so he slowly turned the knob and entered.

He found himself in an office. It looked like any other office. Well, except it had various diplomas on the walls and a couch on one side. Behind the desk sat a pleasant looking woman wearing glasses. She had auburn hair tied back but she didn't look particularly stern. This wasn't that reassuring for Fraser but he could handle it. He was a Mountie after all.

"Hello," she said and smiled. Checking her notes she asked, "Are you my 3 o'clock appointment?"

There was slight hesitation before Fraser replied, "Yes. Yes I am ma'am."

"OK so what can we do for you, Mister Fraser?" She looked at him with a gaze that was friendly but focussed. "Would you like to take a seat?"

Fraser cleared his throat, "It's Constable Fraser, actually, Miss....?"

"Miss Rogers," a slight pause, "Doctor Rogers." There was a clear stress on the word doctor.

"Oh yes," Fraser was embarrassed, how could he have made such an obvious mistake? Of course she was a doctor. "Well Miss, erm, Dr. Rogers I recently suffered a head injury, from falling from a moving van, and while I was unconscious I appear to have suffered from some strange dreams." It wasn't the best explanation in the world but it was enough. Fraser was frankly still off balance from his earlier faux-pas.

The doctor said nothing, patiently waiting for Fraser to continue.

"And, well my partner, Ray, suggested, in his words, that I should 'see a shrink'. I was unsure that I needed psychiatric help but Ray was very insistent and my own doctor seemed to think it was a good idea as well."

Again Fraser had rushed a little but he was uncomfortable being in the office. He felt he'd been pushed into this. His discomfort was apparent from the fact he was still standing.

The doctor had noticed this."Please sit down," she said. "It will make it easier and you'd be more comfortable."

Fraser did so in silence, although his quick eye glanced around the room. He took in various objects to try to build up a picture of the type of person he was hoping would help him see past his confusion.

"You said you've had some strange dreams. Why don't you tell me how these dreams began?" asked Dr. Rogers. It was the logical place to start.

Fraser cleared his throat. He wasn't going to tell an Inuit story but it he hoped that telling someone about his experiences would help him understand them.

"Well, it all started with a phone call from Ray. Ray is my best friend. We work together as well, although not strictly officially..." Fraser paused. "You see I'm a member of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police and I used to live in the Yukon. But then my father was murdered after he uncovered a plot involving drowning Caribou. I traced his killer to Chicago, where I was assigned to the Canadian Consulate. That's where Ray and I met. We were working on the case but suffice to say things went wrong."

Fraser fidgeted. It was hard to forget Ray had risked his life for Fraser on such a short acquaintance. "I was posted back to the Yukon awaiting a disciplinary hearing. Ray came after me, checkinghimself out of hospital. Then some men in white coats came after myself and Ray with homicidal intentions. The actual story is rather long, takes exactly two hours to tell, but the upshot of it is I think I embarrassed some people in the government and I was assigned to Chicago for the foreseeable future."

Dr. Rogers smiled in sympathy.

"It's not I don't like Chicago," Fraser reassured her. "Quite the opposite. Ray has made it extremely bearable for me. That's why I was so concerned in this dream. I received a phone call from him while on vacation in Canada and when I got back he was gone."Fraser looked at the floor. He was upset his subconscious could even think of Ray leaving him.

"Gone?" asked the doctor.

"Yes," came Fraser's deliberate reply.

"I see, please continue." Dr. Rogers saw this was a point which was bothering her patient.

"In Ray's place was another man, who didn't look anything like him. He was referred to as Ray by everybody else. It was disconcerting." That was the best word to describe it.

"I can imagine."

"Yes. His real name was Stanley Raymond Kowalski and he was standing in for Ray while Ray went undercover with the mob."

Fraser crinkled his brow slightly and ran his thumb across his eyebrow."The thing was he wasn't anything like, Ray at all," Fraser stated. "He didn't bear any resemblance to Ray, either physically or emotionally."

Fraser couldn't understand that at all. If the FBI had gone to all the trouble of having an exact look-alike for 'the bookman' they might at least have bothered to get a stand-in who looked vaguely like the person they were replacing. Stanley Kowalski didn't even look like an Italian-American. It hadn't made sense at all and things that didn't make sense bothered Fraser.

"I see." Dr. Rogers could see this was another point bothering the Constable. He must have had a rough time of it. She let him continue.

"He had also been married to a Stella who was the new State's Attorney."Fraser felt he should explain himself more: "Although I have some grounding in basic psychology, I am afraid dream interpretation is not something I have particularly looked at, unless of course it is in the context of Inuit trance journeys which are somewhat different to the dreams experienced while briefly unconscious."

Fraser was now using small hand gestures, evidence perhaps of his frustration. "Although these dreams did appear to be remarkably long for the time I was unconscious. Of course that could be due to the time compression we experience while dreaming. I am afraid however that no matter which way I twist it I have difficulty understanding what it could all mean. Perhaps an outside view would help."

"So you personally have not drawn any conclusions?" Dr. Rogers asked.

"Well no," Fraser paused. "Ray thought it would be a bad idea. He said that being a Mountie didn't qualify me as the next Sigmund Freud."

"I'll agree with Ray to a point. Someone with an outside view and opinion may help, that's what we're doing today. Although you should be the one ultimately who discovers the conclusions. The reasons are in there somewhere." Dr. Rogers tapped her head with her pen.

This elicited a slight smile from Fraser. "Of course," he paused. "Does that mean you won't tell me your opinion?"

`He's eager' thought Doctor Rogers but all she said was, "I'd prefer a lot of the work to come from you. It will help you work through this."

"Okay," and Fraser went quiet.

"Now then what other strange things were there?" Dr. Rogers went back to the task in hand.

"Well there was, Ray's sister, Francesca. She was working at the station all the time. I don't mean to sound rude but, Francesca has always had an erm... attraction to me shall we say, and I am afraid I see her more as.... I suppose you would say a sister." Fraser had always been very uncomfortable with attraction of Ray's sister to him. Truly she was the sister he never had. Unfortunately she did not share his point of view. He was thankful that Ray was there to `protect' him.

"She was working at the station?"

"Yes," Fraser replied.

"Which station?" Dr. Rogers was slightly confused. Her patient was a member of the RCMP and they certainly didn't have any stations in Chicago.

Fraser realised her confusion so answered her, "Oh I'm sorry I should have explained the station Ray works at. District 27. She was working as a civilian aide, not a police officer," he clarified. "I do spend a lot of time at the station, helping Ray on his cases."

"So what would Francesca being at the station mean to you?" asked Dr. Rogers.

"I suppose there is a fear that she could become a presence in my life I didn't want." Fraser looked thoughtful. He continued, "I see, Francesca, as a sister, emotionally. However practically have yet to convince her. I rely on Ray a lot to fend off her more amorous advances. Perhaps I should try to make my feelings clear to Francesca?" Fraser looked at the doctor for some kind of reassurance. He wanted her opinion.

Fortunately the doctor had noticed the way her patient seemed to be asking for help. "That seems a good idea," she agreed. "You're doing fine so far," she smiled. "Please go on if you can."

"When I returned I also discovered my apartment had burnt down. I ended up living at the consulate, where I work. It wasn't the best arrangement," Fraser said.

Dr. Rogers continued taking notes, letting her patient talk through more details.

"The odd thing is there are other places I could have gone." Fraser frowned. That had been another strange thing. "I am sure there were other apartments in the area and I'm also sure the Vecchios would have offered me a room." The invitation was always there, Fraser knew that.

"My job is important to me," Fraser paused. "It is disturbing that it could become that important to me. In the dream I was always wearing my red uniform. I know Ray tells me I look good in it but I prefer the brown uniform. I don't understand why the red uniform featured so prominently. It's almost as if it was taking over my life."

Fraser looked rather worried at this. Before Chicago and before Ray all he'd had was duty. Now though, he wasn't satisfied with that alone.

"Has it?" Dr. Rogers asked.

"Oh no. Perhaps the dream was a warning. It could be expressing a possibility that it could. I have to say that idea is somewhat alarming." Fraser's brow furrowed again. "Deep down I don't want it to become my sole purpose in life, I like to think I have a life outside my job, especially since I've come to Chicago. I don't want to be merely the personification of my job. The burning of my apartment could warn me not to retreat into my job when there are I suppose you'd say, catastrophic events that occur."

"You can see why dreams are so useful, can't you?" Dr. Rogers made a point of telling her patient that.

"Oh yes," agreed Fraser. "I feel we're making good progress."

"Good." Dr. Rogers made a few more notes. "Please continue."

Fraser thought, "Well there was a point in the dream where I thought I had a sister."

"Go on." Dr. Rogers encouraged him.

"Her name was Maggie and she was actually my half sister. After my mother died I thought that my father had....erm an affair." Fraser coughed slightly which showed how uncomfortable he was discussing such things. "With another woman, after the death of my mother, and they had a child together. My father was unaware of the child, believing she was this lady's husband's daughter. When this daughter grew up she came to Chicago looking for the killers of her husband and we uncovered the truth during the investigation."

Fraser had been confused about his father taking up with another woman. The mourning his father did after his mother's death had always suggested to him that his father had lost the one true love of his life. While he had started living again Ben couldn't see how he would take up with anyone else. His father had been a loner a lot of the time, as he was.

"You were an only child?" Dr. Rogers asked.

"Yes." Until he had come to Chicago and found a family willing to take him in.

"You could say this was simple case of desire for a family," Fraser started. "But I don't think it is. There was something more to it than that. Symbols in dreams are rarely so simple. Perhaps the name, `Maggie' but I don't know anyone called Maggie, apart from my wolf's erm," Fraser coughed, "lady friend. She's a husky." and he blushed.

Seeing the patient was having difficulty Dr. Rogers tried to help out. She thought for a minute. Well Maggie was a diminutive of Margaret. Could that be the name implied?

"How about a Margaret or a Meg?" she asked.

"Well, my superior officer is called, Margaret, Meg. We erm...we did share an inappropriate attraction." At least that's how it could be interpreted thought Fraser as his blush deepened.

Then he stopped blushing as he thought about it. The more he thought about it the happier he seemed to get. "Yet a sister having such a similar name..." he trailed off.

"Go on," encouraged Dr. Rogers. Clearly the patient was getting somewhere.

"I was very happy about the prospect of a sister. It was nice to know there was someone so similar to me out there. But Inspector Thatcher, she, she didn't like, Maggie, she almost felt threatened by her. Perhaps she was threatened not by the fact I had a sister but that she shares so many similar traits with me." Ben was getting more confident now, "I always assumed it was attraction. The tension that we have could be seen as masked attraction. Personally though I can see it in a different way."

Fraser sat up straighter in his chair. "I recognise many of my own traits in the Inspector: a desire for duty, not wanting to be vulnerable, having difficulty making friends. Yet a lot of the traits we have in common are negative ones. We are not matched in positive ways. I believe I can recognise the Inspector as being attractive, and similar to me. Now I think about it though I don't believe I am really attracted to her, I certainly don't bear any kind of romantic love or affection toward her. I have been mistaking my feelings."

Fraser was starting to smile, "She is very like the elder sister I never had. Perhaps she is attracted to me in some superficial way but it is one sided. I see her as a sister. That's why the sister in my dream was called, Maggie. It's the same name. The Inspector's reaction would be her reaction to the knowledge I saw her as a sister perhaps."

By the time he'd finished Fraser was almost grinning. He felt like a weight had been taken from his shoulders. It was true he'd never really felt anything toward the Inspector that he had felt toward Victoria, not that he had felt toward...who? There was someone wasn't there? But who?

"What do you think?" he asked Dr. Rogers.

"I think you're right," she replied. "Maybe your affections lie elsewhere." The doctor almost winked.

"Maybe?" Fraser asked politely but all he really wanted to do was ask WHO?!

"We've already touched on the idea of family," Dr. Rogers moved on. "Did your family feature at all in this dream?"

Fraser cleared his throat slightly, "My father, who is dead by the way, he... he took up residence in my closet." Was he going mad?

Dr. Rogers looked up slightly but said nothing. She had a carefully neutral expression.

"He was there all the time, always talking to me, trying to give me advice. He didn't spend a lot of time with me when I was young. My mother died when I was a small boy and my father spent a lot of time away. I was raised by my grandparents." Fraser shuffled slightly in the chair causing it to creak.

"I regret that I didn't spend more time with my father before he was murdered. Perhaps I wastrying to get back what I had lost in this dream." Fraser was hardly going to mention that his father's 'ghost' appeared to him on several occasions. He still regretted not having the chance to know his father better while he was alive; you always regret not knowing the people who have helped make you the person you are.

"His presence could also suggest I am still trying to prove myself to him. Yet maybe I am trying to close off this desire hence the reason my father was in the closet." Fraser was looking a bit more relaxed now.

"There was also the incident of my mother's death," Fraser paused. That had been one of the more disturbing aspects.

"What about your mother's death?" Dr. Rogers asked, her interest piqued.

"In the dream I thought that she had been murdered." Fraser had been upset about that.

"She wasn't of course," Fraser paused again. These were painful memories he was dredging up and he didn't like having to discuss them with a stranger.

"I don't remember a lot about that time. I only know she became sick. She got weaker and weaker and eventually I was taken to live with my grandparents. I was told one morning when I woke up that she had died." There was a lot of sadness in Fraser's voice. Remembering the truth was like losing his mother all over again.

"I found a letter in my father's trunk. It was from my mother explaining about how sad she was, how much she loved me. How she regretted not being there for me." Fraser had cried for the first in a very long time reading that letter.

"I don't resent her not being there. I was so young I couldn't understand but maybe I was a little angry at my father for not doing more to help her. Murder he could have avoided that, but sickness, neither of them could stop it." Clearly there were complex issues over his father, Fraser thought.

"I was very different in these dreams too." Fraser had that frown again. Another thing he disliked and that hadn't made sense.

"I have to say I acted terribly. I am afraid that I did and said things that I wouldn't think of doing." Fraser blushed with embarrassment. It may have only been a dream but he still felt guilty.

"For example I'm afraid I used language unbecoming of a person who has been brought up to believe in manners. I also engaged in a rather heated argument that culminated in physical violence," Fraser's blush deepened. "That was with Detective Kowalski."

Fraser thought a little more there were things about Dief too. He hadn't been himself."My wolf as well- he was different." Fraser told Dr. Rogers. Fraser remembered and described the changes. "In the dream he was different. He was smaller, a different colour, a different personality.... He wasn't as noble." Fraser sighed. "Again it was a negative change, almost as if he wasn't the animal he should be. There appears to have been a lot of negativity in this dream," Fraser reflected. "The way it ended too," Fraser paused before almost lurching into his explanation.

"I discovered that my mother had been murdered by a man named Muldoon who had betrayed my parents. It turned out that Muldoon was also involved in what appeared to be large arms deal which had mob connections. During the course of the investigation I broke, Ray's cover. Not that I was particularly bothered at the time. I was very pleased to see him."Fraser smiled; he was always pleased to see Ray.

"But then he was shot protecting me and he was left in hospital. He was disabled, left the force and went with Stella Kowalski to open a bowling alley in Florida." Fraser's voice took on a slightly different tone. A regretful one. "It was difficult," he told the Doctor. "I had only just got Ray back and then he went away again." There was sadness in Fraser's tone as well as regret.

He continued. "I went off with Detective Kowalski to look for the Hand of Franklin." Which was another puzzle for Fraser; he'd never have a hope of finding it. It was mythical. "I'm not really sure why."And Fraser truly wasn't sure why, was he afraid of something, running from something?

"I suppose I didn't want go back to Chicago as I was homesick. Yet...," Fraser was thinking again."There are many aspects of Chicago I appreciate. I know it isn't home as such but over the last few years I feel that I have a home here. I have no idea why I would dream that I was unhappy here. It seems completely illogical."

Fraser thought about other negative things. "There was the Riv being blown up and ending up in Lake Michigan too."

Seeing the puzzled look on Dr. Roger's face Fraser clarified,"Ray's car, a 1972 Buick Rivera. He's very protective of it. Actually it's his third. I am afraid the other two were destroyed in unfortunate incidents." Fraser tried not to look guilty.

"The first was blown up during a shoot out with Canadian mobsters and the second was blown up in an attempt to frame Frank Zuko, a local, I suppose you would call him a mobster, who bears a grudge against Ray," explained Fraser.

"Ray's house was also set on fire around the same time as my apartment. I suppose that's why I couldn't stay there....." Fraser trailed off. "But the damage wasn't too bad and they have insurance."

"Ray lives there with his mother, sisters, brother-in-law, nieces, nephews......" Fraser smiled. "He has a very large family, who have been very kind to me. I appreciate that he has shared his family with me. That's not why I'm in love with him......"

Fraser sat up, rigid. Did he just admit feelings for Ray; he'd previously been unaware of, in front of a complete stranger?!

Dr. Rogers smiled at him.

Yes he had.

"It was obvious," she said. "The little things that were there." Dr. Rogers smiled. "The tone of your voice when you talk about him. The affection, the love."

"You're quite correct," Fraser nearly squeaked.

"Can you see how your dream fits into this?"

"Yes," said Fraser firmly. He could see it all now. It all made sense in its own way. "Firstly the phone call I received in this dream. I wanted to tell Ray how I feel. The phone call represents that act or at least the opportunity."

Fraser made small gestures with his hands. "However I'm scared that Ray will reject me. Hence the Ray I know and love goes away." So far so good.

"He is replaced by Stanley Kowalski. Now the character in Tennessee William's play was a violent man. While this Stan might not be that the connotation is there. The Stella reference too. The `Stella' could be the threat a woman will come and take Ray away from me."

Fraser's tone became reflective, "My world is changed without Ray, in a negative way. A different Dief and my apartment burning down perhaps show how deep these changes might be. Also I have a certain amount of fear that my revelation might harm Ray. The Riv blowing up might represent Ray's life going out of control. The family home might show I have concerns about how Ray's family would react. The fire is negative. Or it might show reasons why I think Ray would reject me."

Fraser squirmed slightly as he revealed his deepest feelings. "I'm so worried of this rejection from Ray that I retreat into work. I harbour these feelings for Ray and try to project them onto another person. I choose the Inspector as there is no way that that will work. I also become more..." he searched for a word "dislikeable. Without Ray I become half a person. I see Ray as the better part of me, the other half of my soul. Without, Ray I change, become worse, I almost lose myself. I get angry and frustrated. I want my Ray backbut am scared about what will happen. I am worried about abandonment. Ultimately I think I'm homesick but it is Ray I am sick for. Unsure what to do I run away. I know I will never find what I am looking for because what I'm looking for is Ray."

Fraser relaxed now that had all been said. "So what do you suggest I do?" Fraser needed some advice.

"I suggest you go out there and tell Ray how you feel. You won't know what will happen unless you try Constable. The Ray you love wouldn't hurt you would he?" came the simple reply.

"No," Fraser replied. "Even if he didn't understand, I doubt he would hate me."

"Thank you," Fraser said and got up to leave.He shook Dr. Rogers's hand. "You've helped me understand a number of things about my life I was previously unaware of."

"No trouble at all, Constable," Dr. Rogers smiled.

As he opened the door to leave he heard Dr. Rogers call after him. "Now go and get your man."

"That's a popular misconception Doctor, it's not our motto," Fraser replied.

Still smiling Dr. Rogers restated, "It might not be the RCMP motto but I think you should make it yours."

"Yes Ma'am. Thank you kindly ma'am."

He left the office with a sense of happiness and determination. He made sure his bill was paid and waited outside. It wasn't long before a 1972 Buick Riveria showed up. He got in, confident in what he was about to do.

Epilogue

While they were driving along Ray decided not to conceal his curiosity. He'd been worried about Fraser after the head injury."So what did the shrink say, Benny?" he asked.

"She helped me understand my dream Ray. In fact Dr. Rogers has been most helpful in clarifying my feelings. I know I have certain feelings now," Fraser replied.

"What feelings?" Ray was still puzzled.

"My feelings regarding you, Ray." Fraser tried to not to smile as he stated this.

"Me?" Ray squeaked a little. He even pointed at himself. Regaining some composure he noticed Fraser's smile. Could it be? Smiling himself he then asked, "And what might those feelings be?"

"Well erm.....I am having difficulty expressing them in words." Now it had come to this point Fraser was slightly shy.

Noticing Fraser's nervousness Ray prompted him, "OK how about actions?"

Fraser took a deep breath, "In that case, Ray you'd better pull over."

"Why?" Ray gave him a quizzical look.

"Because I'm going to kiss you," Fraser replied happily.

Ray didn't need telling twice. As soon as he could he called the Riv into a quiet alleyway and slammed on the brakes. Turning to his partner he asked with anticipation, "OK, Benny?"

"Yes, Ray. Thank you kindly."

And with that Fraser leaned across and thoroughly kissed Ray. So thoroughly in fact that when they parted both were panting a little.

"So can you put it into words now, Benny?" Ray teased.

"I think I can, Ray." Fraser's smile got bigger, "I'm in love with you, Ray."

"Thank God," Ray sighed a happy sigh. A sigh of finally knowing how Benny felt.

"Why?" Fraser pretended not to be on the clue bus.

"Because..." Ray noticed the glint in Fraser's eyes, "Oh I'm gonna show you!"

This time it was Ray leaning across and Ray was thoroughly kissing Benny this time. Both were enjoying the moment so much it seemed like an eternity passed before they finally had to breathe.

"I see, Ray," Fraser told him.

"I see!" Ray snorted. "Would you like me to put it into words, Benny?" Ray was now smiling, and could barely stop.

"I'd appreciate that, Ray," Fraser replied.

"I'm in love with you, Benny."

"Really?" Fraser had to be sure.

"Yeah," Ray said softly.

"Would you mind showing me again?" Fraser asked. He would look forward to that.

"Not at all, Benny. Not at all........"

The Riv stayed in that alley for a rather long time. But it was true, reality was far better than dreams. Particularly when the reality involved one certain Italian-American Chicago cop and a Canadian Mountie who were in love with each other, and always had been.