Disclaimer: Not mine, but I'm glad we get to play with them while not intending any infringement or making any money!

Author's Notes: I wrote this in response of a comment from Bast :) I post it now in honor of her birthday <wg>

Story Notes: nah . . . not long enough for any

"No, Ben, just no."

"But, Ray--"

"This issue is not up for discussion. Apple butter looks like mush and tastes worse. Pick something else."

~*~*~*~

"What about this kind?"

"You want to buy a food product that contains both jam and peanut butter?"

"I've always liked the stripes."

"I had no idea you enjoyed striped foods."

"Well, I could grow to like them, and see, it's called "Goober" and has these funny little guys on the front. . ."

"It has three kind of sugar in the first few ingredients."

"Yeah, that's what mom always said, too."

"A wise woman, your mother."

"Spoilsports, I'm surrounded by spoil sports. Ok, let's take this one instead . . ."

~*~*~*~*~

"No."

"But . . ."

"No. En-Oh. A world of no. No to infinity."

"So I'm to assume you do not wish to purchase grape jelly today."

"Got that right. My brother used to smash my sandwiches every chance he got, and let me tell you, a PB&J smooshed into weird, purple-dyed bread shapes just does not taste the same no matter what they tell you."

"Ah, yes, I understand. I still prefer not to have bananas in my lunches due to an unfortunate incident involving a brown bag lunch and a confused gopher."

"So we're on the same wavelength."

"Yes, indeed. No grape jelly in the house."

"And I swear I won't pack a banana in your lunch, ever."

"Thank you kindly.

~*~*~*~*~

"What the hell is this?"

"Well, as the label clearly states that it is jalepeno jelly, I would venture to guess the contents are jalepeno jelly."

"Thank you, Mr. Obvious. Who the hell would make jelly out of jalepenos? I think this is a sign that the universe is even more twisted than I've always thought."

"You may be right, but jalepeno jelly may not be the best indicator of new theories of astrophysics."

"You are one seriously weird guy, buddy."

"So you have informed me on innumerable occasions."

"So you telling me that people make sandwiches out of this stuff?"

"I do not have any first hand information about that, but I have had jalepeno jelly at several parties I've attended."

"This is a party food?"

"Well, I have known it to be served over a block of cream cheese and then spread on crackers. It can be quite tasty; it has a nice combination of sweet and spicy."

"Huh. Well, that sounds like it might be ok, but we'll have to put it in another part of the fridge -- I don't want to get up some morning, wander in without my glasses, and end up with jalepeno jam on my toast."

"A good point."

~*~*~*~*~

"I don't think we should go with that one today."

"But this flavor is one of your favorites. You always say how much you enjoy it on your English muffins."

"True, true, but I was kinda planning on licking the jam we buy today off you tonight, and boysenberry will stain the sheets."

"Ah, yes, good point. Perhaps this apricot would be better."