Author's Notes: Thanks to Bast and Xfreak for their support.

Story Notes: This story first appeared in BODY HEAT 5.

Resolutions by Grey

Even without his glasses and with four beers buzzing through his bloodstream, Ray recognized the red serge headed his way.

Fuck.

Fraser settled into the booth across from him, placed his hat on the table, and then patiently waited. Ray took another sip before he broke the silence. "How'd you find me?"

"Detective Huey was kind enough to mention that you sometimes come here when you want to be alone."

Ray didn't look up, couldn't meet his friend's eyes, couldn't risk seeing that intense gaze, that look that narrowed the world down to just two men. Ray never did learn how to swim, not really. He could drown in those deep blue eyes, fucking go under and be swallowed up whole, never catch his breath again if he ever dived in.

"Alone, Fraser, alone. Alone means just me, not you and me, but me as in single, sitting by myself as in nobody else but me."

"Regardless, Ray, it might be more conducive to talk about what happened."

"Conducive?"

"Helpful, beneficial, something that might encourage a more favorable mood."

Ray snorted out loud and looked up, annoyance at full throttle. "I fucking know what conducive means, Fraser. Jesus. You think I don't know shit sometimes."

Hurt thinned Fraser's features as he sat up straighter, his hands still fisted together on the table, but his grip even tighter. "I didn't mean to suggest that-"

"Sure you did." Ray waved a dismissive hand, his anger gone, poof, evaporated into thin air. Being pissy with Fraser wouldn't solve his problems. "It's okay. Half the time you're right. I don't know what the fuck you're saying." Ray finished the beer and raised a hand to the bartender for another.

"Ray, perhaps you should go home."

"I'm not drunk yet."

"Is that your aim?"

"My aim is shit tonight."

"Ray-"

"Fraser."

Neither man said another word until the bartender put the drink in front of Ray and then walked away after Fraser declined to order. Ray lifted the glass, but then put it down again before drinking. "Look, I was just sitting here thinking about stuff, just minding my own business. I mean, don't you just have to be alone sometimes to sort out the mess in your head? Like take time to get everything straightened out, so something, anything, makes some kind of fucking sense?"

"I do find that solitude can occasionally enhance one's ability to find an inner tranquility and balance, yes. However, in my experience, alcohol does nothing to aid in that endeavor."

"In your experience? Fraser, you don't even drink."

"No, not now, but there have been occasions in my youth when I did try drinking."

"Yeah? Did it help?"

"All it did was leave me more befuddled and confused, not to mention inflicting the most atrocious headaches I've ever experienced."

Ray couldn't imagine a hung over Mountie, but smiled at the idea of Fraser cutting loose just once before choosing to be religiously sober. "So you actually got plastered once?"

"More than once, Ray, but it's not something I'm proud of, rather the opposite."

"Why? You do something awful like dance around naked on a table in front of the wolf?"

Fraser took a deep breath, his eyes suddenly very sad. "No, Ray. I tended to say things better left unsaid."

"Oh, yeah? Like what?"

"Ray-"

"I'm serious. What'd you ever say that was so bad?"

Tugging at his ear, no longer meeting Ray's gaze, Fraser swallowed hard before answering. "I confessed to romantic feelings for someone who didn't return those affections."

Ray's mouth opened and then closed. He wondered how the hell anybody in her right mind could say no to Fraser. "Wow. A girl turned you down? That must have been a kick in the head, huh?"

"It did rather feel that way, yes."

Suddenly nervous, not quite sure what to say to an open and sharing Fraser, Ray leaned in. "I'm sorry. I know you don't like to talk about shit like this. I shouldn't have said anything."

"It's all right, Ray. It was a long time ago. My point is, that I'd very much like for you to leave with me now. We could go to your apartment and have coffee."

"You don't even like coffee."

"Tea for me, then, coffee for you."

A group of men let out a loud whoop from the back of the bar, the pool game getting a lot more lively. The cigarette smoke and growing chatter in the place suddenly made Ray dizzy. Still, he resisted the urge, the desire to be alone with Fraser. "It's New Year's Eve, Fraser. The whole world's a big party. People all over the world are out having a good time."

"Are you having a good time, Ray?"

Head swimming, his stomach in knots, Ray shook his head and admitted the truth. "Not really, nope, not even close."

"Then let's go to your place."

"The bartender has my keys."

Fraser reached into his pocket and pulled out Ray's keys with a jingle. "I took the liberty of fetching them before I sat down."

"Pretty cocky for a Mountie. What if I didn't want to leave?"

"Then I'd wait until you were ready."

"Even if it meant you'd be dragging my skinny ass out of this dump after midnight?"

"Even then, yes."

Ray sighed and then shook his head in resignation. "Sure, okay, whatever." He took a final sip of beer and then scooted out of the booth. The world tilted just a bit, but Fraser's hand on his arm steadied him. His mind whirled back to another time and another place, a time when he and a tipsy Stella celebrated and danced the night away. Swallowing down his own bile, he muttered, "I fucking hate New Year's Eve, Fraser."

"I know, Ray. Let's go."

They walked toward the door as Ray fumbled and struggled to put on his black leather jacket without falling on his ass. "Where's the wolf?"

"Out by the car."

Ray stuffed his hands deep into his coat pockets, working like hell to sound sober. "She's going out tonight with some bigwig judge, Fraser."

"I know, Ray. Huey told me."

"He tell ya she came by the station all dolled up to rub my nose in it?"

Hand at Ray's elbow, Fraser steered him to the passenger side of the car and unlocked the door. "He did mention the visit, yes."

"Why'd she do that? Why'd she have to do that? I mean, I'm not following her on dates anymore. Why'd she have to do that kind of shit anyway?" Ray climbed in and continued to parade his heartache while Fraser put Diefenbaker in the back. "I love her, Fraser, but she can be a real bitch sometimes. After everything we went through together, why's she got to be that way now that it's over?"

Fraser fastened his and Ray's seat belts and started the engine, but didn't respond. Ray closed his eyes and rested his head against the cool glass, wishing like hell things were different, that he had enough nerve to say what he'd really been thinking about while he poured booze down his throat. "You know what?"

"What, Ray?"

"I'm tired of talking about Stella. You ever feel that way? Too tired to keep doing something that you know you shouldn't be doing in the first place?"

"Obsession does tend to make a man weary, Ray."

Ray opened his eyes and frowned. "Obsession? You think I'm obsessed with Stella?"

Driving slowly, minding the traffic, Fraser kept his eyes on the road. "It's merely an observation, Ray. Your behavior would tend to suggest a certain level of unhealthy fixation."

"Unhealthy fixation?" Before Fraser could defend his comments, Ray rubbed his face hard with both hands. "Yeah, that fits. Unhealthy. It's not good for me, or her, or anybody else when I get like this. I know that. What's that say about me, Fraser? Why can't I stop?"

"I would think it has something to do with learned behavior, Ray. You did, after all, spend most of your life with Stella as your entire romantic focus. It's only reasonable to think that it might take some time to adjust to your change in circumstance."

"You've got that right. Since I was thirteen, it's always been about Stella. Now, all of a sudden, it's not. Now I'm out in the cold, all alone, all alone when I'd planned my whole life to be with just that one person." Ray whispered in the warm quiet of the car. "It hurts, Fraser. She's moved on and I'm stuck, stuck and not sure what the hell to do about it."

"I know, Ray. I know."

+++++++++++

Stretched out on his sofa, a cold wet cloth over his eyes, Ray listened to the sounds of Fraser moving around in his kitchen. The cabinet doors opening, the mugs hitting the counter, the pouring of the coffee, and even the dipping of the teabag were all done with the most efficient of movements. Fraser did everything right, just right, no waste, every motion neat and precise. Ray loved watching Fraser work, but listening wasn't bad, either. Somehow, just the thought of Fraser being in Ray's kitchen made him feel safer, warmer, like maybe Fraser cared for him as more than a friend. Nothing wrong with pretending.

"Here, Ray."

Removing the cloth from his eyes, Ray sat up and took the offered mug of coffee. He sniffed and smiled as he got a whiff of chocolate. Fraser had added the M & Ms even though he disapproved of all that extra sugar. "Thanks, Frase."

"You're welcome." Fraser settled into the chair by the sofa and sipped his tea. He leaned forward and put it on the coffee table.

"Sorry about all that shit in the car."

"There's nothing to apologize for, Ray. You're having a difficult time. I understand that. It can't be easy for you."

Ray put his mug down and sat back, his arms crossed. "Maybe, but it's time to shut down the pity party, time to move on. I know that." Ray shrugged. "Just can't seem to figure out how to do it."

"I'd really like to help, Ray, but I'm at a loss about what to do or say to make the situation better."

"It's something I have to work out for myself. Nothing you can do, but thanks for trying."

"I haven't done anything."

"You've stuck around when I've been acting like an asshole. That's more than most people would do."

"You're my partner and my friend, Ray. It's the least I can do."

There it was again, the whole partner and friend thing. Ray loved to hear it, relished whenever Fraser said it to him, knew deep in his heart Fraser truly meant it, not like others who'd said the same thing and then left him hanging. His eyes stung and he fought back the urge to do something really dumb like grab his partner and pull him into a big hug. Booze always made him act stupid.

Ray cleared his throat and changed the subject. "So, you made any resolutions yet?"

"Resolutions, Ray?"

"Yeah, you know, the whole I promise to lose a bunch of fat and stop kicking scumbags in the head kind of thing?"

"Ah, the annual ritual of making resolutions to start the New Year."

"Yeah, that. So, you made any?"

Fraser fidgeted in his chair and reached for his tea as his face flushed a bright shade of pink. "I might have."

Sniffing the possibility of having fun with the Mountie, Ray leaned in with a grin. "Come on, tell me."

"Ray-"

"You tell me one of yours and I'll tell you one of mine." There, he'd put it out there. No taking it back now. It was up to Fraser to meet him halfway. Of course, if Fraser said he promised to learn another language to add to the billion others he already knew, Ray would have to shoot himself in the head and be done with it.

"I suppose that seems only fair."

"That's right, fair's fair. You first."

Fraser stood up, removed his tunic, and stepped to the closet to hang it up. He spoke as he moved to sit back down, pushing up the sleeves of his Henley. "I resolved to be more patient with Turnbull."

"Turnbull?"

"Yes. He tries my patience, but he has a good heart and he is a colleague. He's not a bad person, just a bit addled. He means well. I should strive to be more tolerant of his incessant blithering."

"He does blither, that's a fact."

"Thus, my resolution."

Disappointed, Ray shook his head. "You weren't blushing about Turnbull. What else is on your list?"

Fraser shook his head. "Fair is fair, Ray. It's your turn for revelation."

Ray held back, kept the scary one for last just in case he didn't get a chance to use it. "Okay, okay. I'm going to try harder with my dad."

Fraser's expression softened. "How has it been with your father since his return from Arizona?"

"Up and down, a little rocky." Ray crossed his arms, his chest suddenly tighter than before. "It's hard, you know? He kind of threw me for a loop eight fucking years ago. Sure, he's back now, GTO in hand, but it's still hard to forget all that lost time when he wouldn't even return my calls."

"But you're working on the relationship, Ray. That's important."

"Yeah, I know. I mean, Mum and Pop, they're getting up there in years. I don't want to end up getting a call one night and not having a chance to make sure things are okay between us before it's too late."

"I understand."

The solemn tone caught Ray's attention, took his focus off the image of his father and put it back on Fraser. "You and your dad, you didn't get that chance, huh?"

"No, not really. I always regretted not being closer to him when he was alive."

"That closer thing's a two-way street. You couldn't help how your dad was. He was busy doing his job."

"I know, Ray. He was too busy for my mother, too busy for me, too busy for family. The service was his life."

Bitterness seeped from every word. Ray leaned over a little and put a hand on Fraser's knee. "I'm sorry."

Fraser met his eyes and smiled. "It's okay, Ray. I've come to terms with it."

"Yeah?"

"To a degree." Fraser licked his lower lip and put his hand over Ray's, the touch like a firestorm all over Ray's skin. "Sometimes I feel closer to him now than I ever did when he was alive."

"How come?"

Fraser squeezed Ray's hand and then released it. "His journals."

"You mean those little books you read all the time?"

"Yes. He was quite meticulous in his record keeping, but his journals contain more than the details of his cases. They reveal a man torn between his love of my mother and his duty. I think after her death, he lost himself, so much so that he couldn't bring himself to raise his own son. Apparently, I reminded him too much of her loss and his failure to protect her."

Ray shook his head, wanting more than anything to kick the old man's sorry ass. "That sucks. You were his only son. He should've been there. I mean, it's not like with me and my dad. I was grown, living on my own, making my own choices. You were just a kid."

"He did the best he could." Fraser sighed. "It took me a long time to realize that, Ray. I've forgiven him."

Ray checked out the fading bruises on Fraser's face, the healing cut on his lower lip. "But it ain't easy, that forgiveness thing."

"No, it's not."

"I should've been there with Warfield."

"Ray, we've been through this. I understand why you weren't. It did mean a lot to me that you and the others eventually helped to put Mr. Warfield in jail."

"But I didn't do it before he kicked your ass." Ray reached out and ran a finger along the outer edge of the yellowing skin along Fraser's cheekbone. "I'm sorry."

Fraser captured his hand and closed his eyes. "I was being single-minded. You're not the only one who can be obsessive, Ray."

"And stubborn."

"And stubborn. True enough."

They sat there for a long moment, hands together, Ray holding his breath. Finally, Fraser released him and wet his lower lip with a flick of his tongue. "I do have another resolution, Ray, but it's something I'm hesitant to share."

"Why's that?"

Fraser sat forward, looking at his hands instead of Ray, his voice strained. "First, I must confess to misleading you earlier."

"Yeah? How'd you do that?"

"When I told you I'd shared romantic feelings with someone who didn't return my affections, you assumed it was a female."

Air thinned and Ray took only a few extra seconds to pick up the clue. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"It depends on what you think I'm saying, Ray."

Leaning forward, Ray shook his head and pointed his right index finger in frustration. "Do not do that, Fraser. Do...Not...Do...That."

"I'm sorry, Ray. This is difficult for me."

"What? Telling me you had a crush on a guy or making me nuts?"

"Well, I can't speak to trying your patience on a regular basis, but talking about the situation with Innusiq is painful even after all this time."

Ray scratched his head, the name definitely ringing a bell. He should've known from all the fond stories Fraser told. "Innusiq? Innusiq? Isn't that the best friend you had back in Inuvik, the good-looking Eskimo kid you had a Scout troop with?"

"Inuit, and, yes, Ray, it is."

"And you had feelings for him, romantic feelings?"

"Yes."

"But he didn't have feelings for you?"

"I'm sure he had feelings, Ray. He was my best friend. However, my romantic yearnings were completely unrequited."

Ray sagged back against his sofa, relieved and jolted at the same time. Son of a bitch didn't love Fraser. Loser. "That sucks."

"Indeed, it did at the time."

The impact of the confession kicked in. Fraser fell in love with men. Happy New Year, Ray Kowalski. "So, you're telling me this, why?"

"There's a certain relevance in relation to my resolution."

"Which is?" Ray chanted, 'come on, come on, come on, Fraser,' in his head. "Spit it out, Fraser. What's the resolution that's got a connection to you falling for your best friend?"

"Well, it would seem I've developed a pattern of such behavior."

"A pattern?"

"Yes, a pattern, and I've made a resolution to be more honest about certain aspects of my life. I think it's time, that is to say, I believe it's important to..." Fraser squeezed his eyes shut and finally said what Ray wanted to hear. "What I'm trying so ineptly to say, Ray, is that I have romantic feelings for you."

"Thank god."

Fraser opened his eyes, the shock and confusion clear. "Thank god?"

Smiling, Ray leaned in closer, taking Fraser's hand in his. "You know how hard it is to love a guy you think is straight?"

"Apparently."

Snorting, Ray squeezed Fraser's hand and took a deep breath. "I was sitting there in the bar tonight getting wasted, wondering if I could muster up enough nerve to tell you the same thing."

Fraser never loosened his grip, but he didn't return Ray's grin. "I don't understand. You said you were upset about Stella."

"Sure, but not for the reason you think. I love her, but I don't love love her anymore. That stuff she pulled at the station tonight hurt because I used to have it bad for her. I would've died for her, and now she's just petty and spiteful. That's like a knife in my gut, making me think I was stupid to stick around for as long as I did. How blind could I be? That's not about you, Fraser. You're a whole different kettle of fish."

Fraser blinked several times, but still didn't smile. "Kettle of fish, Ray?"

Sighing, Ray tugged at Fraser's hand. "Come on. Sit over here. This might take some time to explain."

Fraser got up and moved to sit beside Ray, his body turned slightly. Ray cupped Fraser's cheek, rubbing the late night whiskers, hoping like hell he didn't blow this before it even started. "I love you, Fraser."

Relaxing, Fraser finally smiled, his eyes wider and much darker. "I love you, too, Ray."

Throat dry, Ray worked hard to keep his voice even. "I didn't know for sure until that whole near death thing."

"What near death thing?"

"On the boat, the whole buddy breathing, I almost drowned thing."

"Ah, that thing." Fraser frowned again. "But Ray, that was several months ago."

"I know. I know. I'm slow that way. I mean, I knew, but I didn't want to know. Does that make sense?"

"Not in the slightest."

Ray took a deep breath and tried again. "When it was over with Stella, I didn't want to know it was over. I put it off. She tried to talk to me about it, but I'd go undercover, pull a second shift, anything to keep from sitting down and hearing the bad news, you know? And the bad thing, I saw it coming, but I pretended I didn't. I'm pretty good at that. I can make myself go with something if I try hard enough, make like it's all good, hunky-dory, nothing wrong here. I'll admit, it's an issue."

"An issue. I see."

"Yeah? I mean, here I am, a guy in his thirties, only been with one woman in his whole damn life and all of a sudden, I'm falling for a guy, and not just any guy, a Mountie, a guy who's like from another planet." Ray tilted his head and paused for effect. "Canada is another planet, right?"

Fraser smiled at the familiar tease and squeezed Ray's hand in assurance. "Some might argue that Chicago is a world unto itself as well, Ray."

"That it is, Fraser, that it is. Still, my point is, I was scared, still am. For one thing, until now, I didn't have a clue you swung both ways, not a fucking clue. Some detective I am. I should've picked up on that, should've seen it."

Fraser turned a little more on the sofa, his hand tentatively touching the nape of Ray's neck, his fingers teasing the skin. Ray swam in the heady sensation of connection. "I wasn't exactly on fire, Ray."

"On fire? You mean flaming?"

"Yes, that's it, flaming. I wasn't giving off what one might describe as sexually receptive signals."

Ray snorted in amusement. "Sexually receptive signals? Jeez, I love the way you talk."

"And I you, Ray."

"Yeah?"

Running a finger up along Ray's jaw, Fraser nodded. "Indeed."

Ray saw hunger and wanted to give in, just go for it, let Fraser do whatever the hell he wanted. Instead, he blinked. He needed to stay focused just a while longer until he explained. "You're distracting the hell out of me here."

"Distracting you from what?"

"From telling you why I was so fucking scared."

Fraser moved his hand to Ray's hair, petting back the bangs, combing his fingers through the blond spikes. Fraser's voice got huskier, deeper, almost hypnotic. "Please feel free to continue, Ray. Don't let me stop you from any exposition you feel is warranted."

Blood drained from his brain to his cock and Ray found it nearly impossible to think of any reason to be afraid of loving Fraser. "I forget."

"Good."

"You don't care that I was a wimp, that I kept this a secret?"

Fraser moved in closer, one hand rubbing Ray's chest, the other cupping his face. "I must remind you that I did very much the same thing, Ray. Both of us suffered from an apparently unnecessary fear of rejection."

Fraser's breath warmed and tickled Ray's face. "Pretty stupid, huh?"

"Fairly human, I'd say."

Ray drank in the heat as Fraser's incredibly soft lips captured his. A shy tongue teased his mouth, gentle, but persistent. Ray opened enough to meet tongue to tongue, wrestling, exploring. He was getting hard just from kissing. God, what a great kisser Fraser turned out to be. Go figure.

Pulling back, gasping for air, he begged for mercy. "Fraser, wait."

Reluctantly, Fraser lifted his head in breathless disbelief. "Wait?"

"Yeah, wait. This is going too fast."

"On the contrary. We've been working up to this for months now."

"Yeah?"

"Oh, yes."

"In that case," Ray kissed Fraser's chin and let his head fall back as Fraser decided to suck on his neck like it was candy or pemmican or whatever the hell Fraser loved to suck. Fraser's busy mouth sent chills all over his body, sweet electric tingles in places without tingles for way too long.

Fraser rewarded Ray's moans with more touches, more strokes, his hands like magic finding all the right spots. Ray's T-shirt came up and over his head, his bare skin licked and tasted, explored by Fraser's busy, expert mouth.

Ray tried to return the favor, only to be pinned down, the full weight of the Mountie holding him against the narrow sofa, his hands held together above his head. Fraser growled against his nipples and Ray jerked as his cock twitched and begged for attention. His hips lifted and he realized that Fraser had stopped moving and was staring down at him, his blue eyes nearly black with desire. "Fraser?"

"Ray, tell me what you want."

Throat nearly too dry to speak, Ray swallowed several times to form the words. "I don't want to do this here. Let's go to bed and do it right. Let me play, too."

Eyes narrowed and Fraser shook his head like he couldn't wake up. He licked his lips and then slowly released Ray's wrists. He sat up and ran a hand through his dark hair. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Sometimes I get carried away."

"You didn't do anything wrong. I just want to do more for you, too."

Fraser turned his head slowly and met Ray's eyes. "Do more for me?"

"For you." Ray reached out and took Fraser's hand in his own, kissing the palm as he spoke softly. "Holding me down, that's hot, Fraser, hotter than you'll ever know, but this first time, I want it to be together, me giving you as much as you're giving me."

"I want that, too."

"Yeah? Good, because we can slow down. There's no rush. We've got all night, all day, however long we want to take, right?" Diefenbaker whined from the corner and Ray grinned. "Well, until one of us has to take the wolf for a walk."

Nodding, Fraser never took his eyes off Ray. "Understood."

"Great, greatness. Now, let's take this show into the other room. I'm too old to be making out on a couch in front of a grown wolf."

Fraser stood up, pulling Ray with him. Together they walked into the bedroom. Ray shut the door and then stood at the end of the bed, grateful as hell that he'd changed the sheets just a few days ago.

Fraser just stood there staring, kind of lost, waiting for a signal. Ray moved in closer and whispered, "Take off your shirt."

Without a word, Fraser obliged, dropping his suspenders and then pulling off the Henley. Bare-chested he waited, but not for long. Ray palmed both hands over his smooth skin and whistled. "Jesus, you're fine."

Fraser sighed in relief. "I think you're fine as well, Ray."

"We're not even in the same ballpark, Fraser. I mean, damn, look at you. Jesus, you're hot."

His skin pinked and Fraser shook his head. "I think you're beautiful, Ray. I've believed that ever since the first time I saw you. You're like gold."

"Gold?"

"Golden hair, golden skin, all shiny and bright."

It was Ray's turn to blush. "Jesus, I'm in love with a blind man."

"It's true, Ray. You don't realize your full brilliance and I'm not just talking about your physical appearance."

"And crazy to boot, oh, yeah, my kind of guy." Ray leaned in for a quick kiss and then pulled back still chuckling. "Sit down. I'll do your boots."

Fraser obeyed, quietly watching while Ray kneeled and untied the laces. After he'd slipped off the boots, Ray glanced up. "Now the pumpkin pants."

"As you wish." Fraser stood up and unzipped, dropping first his trousers and then his briefs.

Ray gave up breathing for a few seconds as he took in the sight of Fraser's dick in all its erect and uncut glory. Before he could say a word, Fraser reached down and pulled Ray to his feet. "Your turn, Ray."

His balls aching, Ray took off his jeans and shorts. Standing there in the nude, completely vulnerable, he caressed Fraser's cheek. His heart raced as he realized that this was the first time he'd ever been naked like this with anyone but Stella. "I love you, Fraser."

Sitting down on the edge of the bed, Fraser pulled Ray beside him. "I love you, too, and it's at this juncture, you should probably call me Ben, Ray."

"Ben Ray? Is that a Canadian name?"

Smiling, shaking his head in amusement, Ben hooked the back of Ray's neck and drew him in for a long, sloppy kiss. Ray stopped laughing and gobbled up the delicious heat of Ben's tongue, his hands sliding up and down Ben's back. Falling sideways, he dragged Ben with him and then rolled him on his back. Straddling Ben's middle, Ray sat up, his eyes locked with Ben's. "I've never done this with anybody but-"

Hurriedly, Ben put his finger to Ray's lips. "Don't say her name, Ray. Please. I never want to hear that name in our bed."

"Our bed, huh?"

"For the moment, I'd like to think so, yes."

"Deal. No name dropping. I'm just saying, you've got to help me out if I do something stupid. I mean, I know it's pretty much do whatever feels good, but I'm betting you've got a better idea about what to do than I do."

Ben captured Ray's hands on his chest and held them still, lacing their fingers together. "Ray, there's no right or wrong. What pleasures you, pleasures me."

"But you've done this before, right, with a guy, I mean?"

Ben squeezed both Ray's hands. "One male lover doesn't make me an expert, Ray. What we do is between us and only us."

"I get that, that makes sense. I can go with that. Just you and me, nobody else, no past, just the two of us now."

"Exactly."

Ben pulled Ray into a long kiss and then proceeded to ravage his neck once again. Ray closed his eyes and stretched himself over Ben's body, chest to chest, crotch to crotch. Using one knee, he pushed Ben's legs apart and then kneeled between them. He used one hand to wrap Ben's cock. A quick hiss and ragged breathing rewarded his efforts as he stroked the thick dick with one hand and fondled the heavy balls with the other. He knew what he liked, being touched like that, so he tried it on Ben, made sure that he got the full treatment.

Ben grabbed the sheets, his hips thrusting up as Ray took a chance. He dipped down and licked the tip before taking Ben's dick into his mouth. Ben jerked hard and called out his name over and over like a chant as he grabbed Ray's hair with both hands. Nothing prepared Ray for the violent shove of dick to the back of his throat, the spill of tangy bitterness as Ben's body jerked out of control. Ray swallowed hard and kept swallowing, grateful he'd had practice holding his breath.

Ben's grip relaxed and Ray came up for air. Wiping his swollen mouth with the back of his hand, he scooted in closer and rested his head on Ben's sweaty chest. He waited, his own heart beating way too fast until Ben finally spoke. "Good Lord, Ray."

"Yeah, I know. Feels good."

"Feels wonderful."

"Yeah, that, too."

A few seconds later, Ray found himself on his back, a dreamy and determined Mountie plastered along his body. "I believe it's your turn, Ray."

"We taking turns?"

"So it would seem."

"You don't have to."

Fraser eye's twinkled with amusement as he pursed his lips, leaning down to kiss first Ray's right eye and then his left. He spoke slowly, his voice raw and raspy. "I should think a detective of your caliber would have discerned my reciprocal desire by now, Ray."

"That your fancy way of saying you want to return the favor?"

"Indeed, Ray, I want to, I want very much to return the favor."

Whatever smartass answer Ray might have had got swallowed up by a full press of Mountie. That mouth and tongue went to town like nobody's business, licking and nipping, making Ray shake all over. His whole body trembled as Ben worked his way all over his neck, his nipples, down his belly, all along his inner thighs. Strong hands stroked and massaged his skin, tamed and teased all his muscles. The combination of kisses and biting drove Ray up a wall, his nerves all sizzling and firing at the same time.

Sweat dripped down Ray's face as he shoved his hips toward Ben's eager mouth. Finally, Ray resorted to begging, to pleading for just a touch, anything to finish him off. Ben shook his head and kept working him all over, making sure to skip that one spot.

Eyes squeezed shut, Ray resorted to desperate measures. He grabbed his own dick only to be stopped by Ben. "Don't, Ray. Be patient."

Ray couldn't stop the pitiful whine. "Ben-"

"Trust me, Ray. Please."

Reluctantly, Ray released himself and took a deep breath. Ben still didn't touch him there, but instead lifted Ray's legs and draped them over his shoulders. Startled, Ray frowned, but didn't resist. Ben pulled his ass cheeks apart and dipped his head down. Instead of taking Ray's cock, he licked the tight hole. The sensation fired up Ray's backside like wildfire. He writhed as the mouth and tongue played with both his ass and balls.

Breathing got a lot harder when Ben's mouth finally engulfed his dick. Tongue and lips worked together, the suction like pure heat. A finger slipped into Ray's ass and the world exploded, fire flashing and whipping up his belly into his brain, his whole body suspended in nothing but pleasure. He shook and thrust up, his dick still being sucked until the last spasm stopped.

Still shaking, still seeing stars, Ray grabbed Ben and drew him up closer, held him tight against his chest. He never wanted to let go, to let the moment end. After a few minutes, he heard his name. "Ray?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you all right?"

"I'm great, Ben, greater than great. You've got no idea how fucking great I am at this very minute."

"Oh, I think I might have some idea, Ray."

Sighing with contentment, Ray smiled before he kissed that wonderful, sarcastic mouth. He drank in his own bitter taste on Ben's lips, marveling how the world could spin on a dime, a 180 degree turn, from Stella to Ben without even a stumble. "Yeah, I guess you do at that."

Ben thumbed Ray's lower lip lovingly. "It's a little after midnight, Ray. Happy New Year's."

Ray chuckled and rolled Ben to his side before reaching down to pull up a blanket. Snuggled up against his partner, more content than he could ever remember, Ray returned the greeting. "Happy New Year's to you, too." He squeezed Ben before he added, "I think I've got another resolution."

"Oh?"

"I'm thinking a Mountie a day kind of thing." Ben laughed, that hearty, deep in his chest kind of laugh Ray rarely heard. Ray liked it, liked it a lot. "So, you got plans for the night?"

Ben kissed his temple and squeezed him closer to his chest. "I have now."

"And after tonight?"

Ben sobered, his voice raspy against Ray's ear. "For as long as you'll have me, Ray."

"Forever sound good?"

"It does, indeed."

It sounded good to Ray, too, better than good. He nuzzled his face against Ben's smooth skin and smiled wider. "Ben?"

"Yes, Ray?"

"You ever hear the saying that goes whatever you do on New Year's day is what you'll be doing the rest of the year?"

"I do believe I've heard that."

"You believe it?"

Ben met Ray's gaze, his lips thinned into a grin. "Well, I'm certainly willing to test the theory."

"How do you plan to do that?"

Ben's passionate kiss took his breath away and answered his question all at the same time. Ray welcomed the New Year with Ben in his arms and with hope finding its way back into his battered heart.

The End