Disclaimer: It's well past the time when disclaimers are needed. I think there is a statute of limitations on that.

Author's Notes: One reader specifically asked to know what happened after Ben came out of his coma.

Story Notes: Spoiler: Dead Men Don't Throw Rice

Paradise Found

Ben was still in very critical condition. The repeated rapes by the three men who had knocked him unconscious, tortured, stabbed and beat him had resulted in blood poisoning from colon leakage into his bloodstream. The initial pleasure Ben and Ray had when they looked into each other's faces when Ben awoke from his coma was soon dissipated by the burning fever Ben was trying to fight.

Lieutenant Welsh, Frannie, Inspector Thatcher, Turnbull with Dief, and many of the other members of the 27th precinct stopped by at different times after hearing that Ben had come out of his coma and were relieved and glad for Ray. They had watched Ray temporarily come out of his deep depression only to watch him be knocked back down in that dark abyss when Ben began to suffer from alternating episodes of fever, followed by chills that shook his entire body. Ben was immediately moved back to intensive care and antibiotics were administered. "I am so sorry, Ray, I am sorry." These are the last words Ray heard before Fraser was, once again, unconscious. Dr. Summers told Ray they were trying to prevent Ben from going into toxic shock. The one thing Ray was thankful for was Dr. Summers didn't pull any punches. He always told Ray exactly what was going on.

Ray was not allowed to spend all of his time in intensive care with Ben as there were limited visiting hours in that section. He took the advice of Lieutenant Welsh and Frannie and was going home to eat and sleep and try to keep himself strong so he could, once again, be ready to help Ben get through this. Dr. Summers assured Ray he would be contacted in the event of any kind of news, whether good or bad and put his arm around Ray's shoulders as they both walked to the exit doors. Ray couldn't tell if he was being comforted or propelled out the doors. It didn't matter which it was. He knew Dr. Summers wanted what was best for him.

Ray felt better physically when he woke up the next morning. He popped his antidepressant pill with his coffee and disciplined himself to eat cereal and miraculously, he found a bowl of fruit sitting on the kitchen counter. He ate two bananas and an apple. He could have been eating sawdust; all he knew was he had to keep himself strong.

Ray's brain was still filled with thoughts of how much easier it would be to take the whole bottle of antidepressants or to eat his gun or jump off a bridge or step in front of a bus. He knew if the phone rang and he found out Fraser was dead again, he would choose one of those easy ways out as he could no longer live without Fraser and he knew that as well as he knew he loved him, and not like a brother, either.

His landlady had been coming in to clean and feed Spike, the turtle, and Ray thought she must have been the one who put the fruit on the counter. His parents had moved back to Arizona three months ago. Ray picked up the phone and dialed their number. "Hello, Mum. I have some bad news. Fraser has been hurt very badly and is in intensive care. No, I don't want you to even think about coming back because it's getting too cold and the sidewalks are going to be too icy, pretty soon. I just knew you would be mad at me if I didn't tell you. How are you and Dad doing? Good. It's been a week since Frase was attacked and he was in a coma, he woke up, but just a day later, he got very sick from blood poisoning. Yeh, Mum, I am resting and eating. I need to keep my strength to help Fraser. Could you put the phone on speaker so Dad can hear what I am going to say? Hey, Dad, yeh, the GTO is perfect, as usual. How are you guys doing? That's good. Look, you two are going to be the first to hear what I have to say because I know that becoming a cop caused you to stay away from me, so maybe you'll be glad to hear I'm quitting. I can't do it, anymore." Ray's voice was breaking and he had to pause before he continued. "You know, I got a lot of money saved. It helps I ain't got no life except for being a cop. Anyway, I'd like to offer some of it to you, first, before I use the rest to help Ben. Are you sure? Okay, Mum and Dad. I am going to be taking Frase home when he can travel. And I got to get his cabin rebuilt. I...I...if...anyway, that's my plan. You'll be happy to know that I am not being stubborn and I am taking something to help me get through this. I know, I should have done that, too, when Stella and I got divorced. I'm taking the drugs for Fraser. I can't afford to be weak in any way when he needs me. I love you, too. You too, Dad. I know, men don't say those things to each other. Well, ya'd better get used to it. I'll be saying it a lot to Ben. We love each other. You knew! You knew, too, Dad? Hey, how come I'm always to last one to know these things? You guys are the best parents anyone could have. Bye."

Ray had slumped down into the couch when he was finished talking on the phone. He stared straight ahead at absolutely nothing. All he could see was an image he began to fight very hard not to see - Ben, lying in a coffin, dressed in his formal Mountie suit; pale, lifeless and unreachable like the time he took that stuff from some kind of toad and pretended to be dead to catch a murderer. This time, though, it might be real. Ray, in the privacy of his own living room, allowed the sobs to come and didn't hold back, didn't try to keep all of his sorrow in because it was killing him inside.

Ray was just wiping his eyes when there was knocking at the door. It was Frannie. Ray was glad to see her. He needed very much to have someone with him, right now. She stepped over the threshold and Ray put his arms around her and clung to her as a person would to a life ring and Frannie supported him with her small, but strong arms. "Come on, Ray, let's sit on the couch." Ray allowed himself to be led to the couch. "Look, Ray, I have brought a few more things,like some Italian bread, to go with the lasagna Ma had me bring over, earlier. I'll fix you a nice dinner and we can talk. Do you want some wine?"

"Yeh, Frannie, that sounds good. It must have been you that put all that fruit on the table and cleaned up the place, huh? Thank you."

Ray leaned his head back on the couch and closed his eyes, listening to Frannie bustling about in the kitchen. She came back a few minutes later with his wine and he drank it down as if it was water. "Be careful with that, Ray. If ya drink it too fast, it could make you sick on an empty stomach."

Ray waited until they were both sitting down to the delicious dinner. Ray was having one more glass of wine, but sipping it, this time.

Once again he was eating to keep himself strong for Fraser because Ray didn't have much of an appetite. He leaned back after finishing the last bite on his plate, looked at Frannie with such a look of appreciation, she felt a little embarrassed. "You're the greatest sister I have ever had, Francesca. I really needed this. You. I don't know if the lieutenant told you about what happened the night that....the night...anyway, it was all my fault."

Francesca started to interrupt Ray, but he wouldn't let her. "Yes, it was. This is going to be hard for you to hear. You deserve to hear it. That night, Frase and I were watching hockey and all of a sudden he tells me he loves me....really loves me, you know?"

"I know, Ray. I have been seeing love in Fraser's eyes when he looks at you when you can't see him for weeks, now."

"You, too! Both my parents told me they already knew, too. Unbelievable that I should be last to know. If only I wasn't so stupid and blind.....when he told me, I told him to get out of my apartment and my life. God, it IS all my fault that he may die. And, now, I realize I love him."

At that moment, Ray's cell phone rang and made them both jump as if a cannon had gone off right next to the table. Ray's hand shook so hard he was having a difficult time answering it. He looked intently at Francesca. "He...hello. Yes, Dr. Summers? Oh, that's good, really, really good. I'll be there as soon as possible." To Frannie, he said, "The fever's broken and he is going in and out of consciousness, again."

"That's good, Ray. It's 7 o'clock and I just came from home, but I didn't get much done, there. I'll come to the hospital some time tomorrow to see Frase."

Ray and Francesca left together and went their separate ways, waving to each other as they got into their cars. At the hospital, the receptionist told Ray Fraser was still in intensive care, but Dr. Summers had left word Ray could see him for half an hour. Ray almost ran down the hall. He hesitated before entering the area where Fraser was being tended to; everyone looked so busy and so concerned. "Is he okay?" in asked in a small voice, very unlike Ray's usual voice. Nurse Evans, who was at the head of the bed, was watching a monitor very intensely. "You can stay, Detective Vecchio, but I just want to warn you Constable Fraser's head injury is causing him to sometimes have attacks where he doesn't know what is happening to him and he lashes out. Please, go ahead and talk to him."

Ray stood about two feet away from Ben's bed and started talking, soothingly. Fraser's good right arm was whipping through the air as if he was defending himself from his attackers. It was very disturbing to see, but Ray continued talking. "It's okay, it's okay, Frase, you're here with the doctors and the nurses and I'm here, too. There's nothing to be afraid of. Ray desperately wanted to take Ben's hand and just hold it, but he wanted to be able to stay and Nurse Evans looked like a formidable enemy who could kick you out of the room with a look if you didn't do as told. "Ben, please, you're only going to hurt yourself more." The grimaces of pain on Fraser's face indicated his thrashing around WAS causing him a lot of pain. The medical attendants had not wanted to keep him sedated, but this situation gave them no choice. Pretty soon, Fraser had drifted into a fitful sleep. It seemed no amount of sedative was going to stop him from fighting off those who had "killed" him. Ray was feeling sick to his stomach. He fought it off.

Nurse Evans indicated with a toss of her head that he was to leave and Ray did. Out in the waiting room, he called Lieutenant Welsh at home. Welsh had indicated to him to call him at any time if he had news. "Hey, Lieu, Fraser came out of being unconscious, but now his head injury's causing some problems. He's not aware of who's around him and he's trying to fight the assholes who did this to him. I need a favor, Lieutenant. Could you change my paperwork to resignation instead of leave? Yeah, I'm going to be sorry to leave, too, but I just can't do the job, anymore. I'm thinking of getting hold of Frobisher and Maggie and see if there's any kind of cabin near medical facilities where they are that I could buy for Fraser. I've got a lot of money saved. Like I told my parents, I never did have any other life than being a cop; nothing to spend my money on. No women who wanted expensive things. My GTO fully paid for in hard labor by my Dad and me. I'm going to find a cabin and fix it up with whatever Frase is going to need to come out of this in the best way possible. You would do that...get a hold of them for me? That'd me so great. Let me know, okay. And I guess you could ask them about a visa for me and all that, huh? Or you could ask the Ice Queen...no, I meant Inspector Thatcher, sorry Lieu. Thanks, Lieu, you're the best."

Ray had to kick the coffee vending machine to get anything out of it. He took his so-called coffee and sat down on one of the hard plastic chairs they always had in waiting rooms. Maybe they didn't really want anyone to wait, there, for very long. He didn't know what he was waiting for. Well, actually he did. He was waiting for the time when Ben and he could be together and Ben wasn't hurt or near-death or in pain or fighting off shadows of evil. Tears threatened to fall, again, but he stopped them. No more tears, Kowalski; now is the time to dry your eyes, find the strength to go on (with the help of drugs, if necessary) and to always be there when Ben needed him, no matter what. That's what love is all about. Maybe Ben and he would never be able to have a fully realized relationship, Ray didn't know, but he also didn't care.