From: Vscott (toriatonian@comcast.net)
Date: 01/07/2006 |
This is a very imaginative story, but I got lost in some of the sentences. I suspect you are trying for an effect of stringing together, but sometimes it works beautifully and others, not so good.
The end is not enough. Not enough description of where Ben and Stanley are when Ben touches him - Narnia or the consulate. The end is almost like you got tired of writing the story and wanted to end it.
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