From: slashslut
Date: 04/01/2007 |
first, gotta say that i love your pen name! talk about a blast from my teenaged past;) this story DEFINITELY screams for a sequel. i kept imagining that ray was going to catch fraser on one of his "dates." very "real" story.
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From: X (x_tricks2000@yahoo.com)
Date: 06/15/2006 |
Lovely story, I hope you do find the energy to continue it. The sex encounters are both hot and realistic.
Some ideas-well, how is Fraser paying for this phone sex stuff, these lines can be expensive and they will show up on the phone bill. You can play with that. Or, Fraser's increasing random sex sounds like a sign of depresison or etc, he could do something high risk and get hurt, or sick, or witness something seriously illegal and be torn between his duty (telling the legal athorities and revealing his recent behavior) or staying silent and letting something bad go un-punished. Maybe he, himself, gets a stalker? Or is assutled by someone who haunts the phone lines looking for 'bad people'.
I'm not too fond of the he and kowalski 'accidentally' set up a tryst via the phone because it's to slash pat and your story so far is not that.
Feel free to email me if you have any other questions etc, I like this story and I'd be happy to work with you on it.
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From: Luciferofthecircle (Luciferofthecircle@hotmail.com)
Date: 06/12/2006 |
This is great, I really enjoyed it. Your Fraser is beautifuly in character and the sex you've written is really hot and realistic. You've probably already noticed, but the story turns into italics halfway through, a mistype in your HTML.I would like to read more - Fraser could feel guilty for decieving Ray and confess to him what he's been doing. Of course Fraser would find it difficult to talk about as what he's doing is so far outside his expectations of the world that he doesn't have the words for it. Ray gets turned on by what he hears. Sex between Ray and Fraser eventually ensues. There's probably even an opening for a Ray POV so we can see his reactions to what Fraser has been doing.I do hope you write more, not just this but other stories too as you are an excellent writer.
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From: BJCochran (bjcochran2001@yahoo.com)
Date: 06/08/2006 |
Ray's a cop - what if he follows Fraser one night and confronts him? Follows him to an assignation and scares Fraser's 'date' away? What if Fraser makes an 'date' with someone that is under surveillance for something and Ray spies them together? What if Fraser meets his 'date' at a dance club and Ray's there looking for his own fun?
Ohhhh, the possibilities. Hope this jump starts you because I'd love to see more.
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From: tamatisk
Date: 06/07/2006 |
it would be great if you finised this, I like the idea of them calling and getting each other
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From: destruction
Date: 06/06/2006 |
might be interesting if ben kept using the phone line and ended up answering a message from ray. whether ray knows or not could be up in the air.
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From: Tallykat (tallykatlives@yahoo.com)
Date: 06/05/2006 |
*chuckle* Boy, you're good with the angst, good stuff!
When you asked for suggestions, the first thing that leapt into my mind was have Ray and Fraser call the phone-sex line and get each other. Karmic justice, as it were. They'd be mesmerized by someone who sounds so much like their partner, but heck, there's no way they wouldn't recognize each other's voices... is there?
P.S. Love your author-name, that's a blast from my childhood.
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