Disclaimer: Standard Disclaimer. Read this story and then try and tell me I'm doing this voluntarily! Please send comments, questions, compliments, and otters to sdelcul@yahoo.com

Author's Notes: Fourth in the Getting what you want, getting what you need series. (4/9)

Story Notes:

This story is a sequel to: Borrowed Time

"Benny, I have to tell you something."

"Yes, Ray?"

"Have a seat."

"Ray, -"

"Sit." Command tone worked where explanation lacked. The expression on Ray's face was somber, and was probably a hint that the topic of conversation wouldn't be pleasant.

"What is it, Ray?"

"It's about Sarah."

"Is she all right?" He stood up.

Ray pushed him back in the chair gently. "She's fine, Benny. She's okay."

Fraser was obviously relieved. "Then what is it, Ray?"

"There's no easy way for me to say this, and I don't want to hurt you for anything, but you deserve the truth." He couldn't think of an easier, kinder way of telling him rather than just coming out with it. "She's not yours. She can't be."

"I know." He'd known this day was coming, and now he was helpless to stop it. He'd fully intended to tell Ray, when the opportunity arose, but opportunity had never shown itself. Whenever he should have told Ray something, it was too late now.

"You know?!!! How in the hell do you know?!!!"

"I never had intercourse with Victoria."

Ray stared at him in horror. Standing up, he felt woozy but cringed when Fraser tried to support him. "Don't."

"Ray."

"I have to go."

"Hello?" He was frantically hoping it was Ray. He had to explain.

"Hey, Frase, is Ray there?"

"Hello, Francesca. Um, no, he isn't. May I take a message?"

"When's he gonna be back?"

"I'm not sure."

"Oh. Well, tell him to call me back, okay?"

"Certainly."

"Goodbye, Benton."

"Goodbye, Francesca."

Everything he'd said had been perfectly true. Ray wasn't there, and he didn't know when he'd come back. So why did he feel like he had just lied?

If he was honest with himself, it was most likely because he wasn't sure if Ray was ever coming back.

Ray didn't come back that night. And for the first time in his life that next morning, Fraser contemplated not going to work. In the end, though, it was easier to go anyway. He still didn't know how he would explain his actions to Ray, and he dreaded that moment more than anything.

Work was especially frustrating that day, and even Dief was annoyed with him by the end of the day. Ray hadn't said anything to him, but Dief was smart enough to know that Ray should have come back last night, no matter how upset he might have been. Dief knew that Ben must have done something that truly hurt Ray. He didn't like that.

When he came home that night, he thought he'd been robbed. Things were missing from their usual places, so it took him a moment to connect the dots and form a picture of what had happened. He hadn't been robbed. Ray had moved out. The things that were missing were all Ray's.

Walking into the bedroom, he dreaded what he knew was coming. Somewhere in the apartment there was a note. And that note would tell him that he had lost Ray. Even Constable Benton Fraser, Royal Canadian Mounted Police, had to gather his strength for this.

It was sitting on the bed, the bed that they had shared, but not long enough. They'd barely been together three months before Sarah had dropped into their lives like a surprise stork delivery. Now, it might all disappear.

I guess I should have known. Maybe some part of me always knew that you weren't over her. I think that's why I have to go now. I don't know you. Not really. Not the way I want to. Because it's all been a pack of lies, and I didn't expect that. So your heart was never sure after Victoria. Maybe if I had let you go with her you would have seen - but I can't change what happened.

I'd always wondered in the back of my head what you would do if she came back. And when I found out about Sarah, I was sure that I would lose you. And now I have. I didn't think it would happen like this. Was it worth it? Lying to me and hurting me like that? Did it make you happy to have Victoria back somehow?

I told myself it wasn't your fault that first time. You were just caught up in ten years of something that you had no reference to. And when you made love to me, I really thought it meant you were over her, that you loved me just as much as I loved you. I guess it was just another alibi for you, then.

Almost doesn't count, Benny, and I really can't do this anymore.

I'm sorry.

Ray

Trembling hands put down the note. It wasn't that easy, Ray. It just wasn't that easy.

End And miles to go by silvina: sdelcul@yahoo.com

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