Disclaimer: I don't own them Alliance does, and they aren't using them. I borrowed them to give them a little fun. I'll put them back when they're done.

Author's Notes: Thanks to Sylvie Grenon for the fantastic beta (also her patience with a newbie). All remaining mistakes are mine of course.

Story Notes:

Dream Journal
By Victoria

Day #1:
Ben said I should try to keep a journal of our adventure. He says it's a good place to put my dreams. He even got me this nice leather-bound book to start. I have no idea what to write in here, so just bear with me. Buck is outside with Ben getting the dogs and gear ready. I'm scared. Not of the adventure, but of Ben finding out about me. Time to get ready, I'll get back to you later.

Day #2:
God, I'm so cold. My butt is numb. Sounds stupid, but I'm having the time of my life. Ben started to teach me about the sled first thing this morning. Let's just say I'm outta my element here and leave it at that for now. Dief is laughing at me. Ben says he's not, but I know the wolf better than he thinks. We'll see who gets doughnuts next time we hit town. At least I'm not a total screw up- I was able to help set up camp, and talked Ben into letting me take care of the dogs. I don't even care that he's double-checked everything I did. I figure I've got to earn my way up here. Fell asleep sitting up listening to Ben tell a story about the way he met Dief.

Day #7:
Sorry, I missed a few days. I've been spending more time handling the sled team with Ben as the passenger. I'm getting better, if I do say so myself. It's a lot harder than I thought it would be. But I'm still taking care of my end. Don't want to be a burden to him. He's gotta see me as an equal or it's all for nothing. Tomorrow, we should hit a settlement. Not sure if I'm happy about that. It means I'll have to share Ben with other people. Have to keep my cool (so to speak). So far, I think I'm doing good. Ben is still treating me the same way he did in Chicago.

Day #8:
He's amazing. We're not in town 5 minutes and the women are all over him. He says they're curious about us both 'cause they don't see too many strangers. Yeah right, that's why I'm sitting on my duff while he's being given the grand tour. At least it got us a good room for the night, and a hot shower. I came up to the room, left him downstairs. It hurts too much. Gonna shower and hit the sack; hopefully I'll be asleep before he comes in. G'night.

Day #12:
Glad to be back on the trail, except there isn't any out here. Funny how you want things until you actually get them. I was really looking forward a hot shower and a soft bed. The shower was good, until I started picturing Ben in there with me. Then it was great. Then it was over. All of a sudden I felt very cold, even standing under all that hot water. Got out and dried myself and put on my sweats, then stepped out of the bathroom, only to find Ben sitting on the bed. He had this funny look on his face. God I hope he didn't hear me! Did I say his name? I'm racking my brains but I can't remember. He didn't say anything, just got up and went into the bathroom and shut the door. I just crawled into my bed and pulled the covers over my head. He came out and got into his own bed and turned out the lights. First time since we began that he didn't say good night.

Day #15:
I am really scared. Ben and I don't talk too much anymore. I always thought Hell was supposed to be hot.

Day #16:
Woke up this morning and decided enough was enough. Ben was cleaning up the camp site when I hit him in the head with a snowball. Shocked the hell out of me as well as him. I didn't think about it, I just did it. Then I busted out laughing- the look on his face was priceless. Half outrage, half amusement, half curiosity. Yeah I know that's one to many halves, but Ben is like that. Besides, who's going to read this thing but me?. I knew he was fast, but I wasn't ready for it. He was up and crossed the ten feet and tackled me before I could even blink. I had a face full of Fraser and snow. Deserved one, wanted the other. Thank God for all the layers he makes me wear out here. Didn't want to embarrass myself, or him. Still had to adjust myself once he let me up.

Day #18:
We're good, we're buddies again. Life is good. Ben was quiet because he was worried that I really didn't want to be out here. He thought that I went up to the room without him because I couldn't wait to shower and get into a real bed. He was sure I only left town because I felt responsible for this whole trip. The snowball fight convinced him I was happy. The way he figures it, if I'm willing to play, I must be good to go. Dief is even happier - seems he formed an attachment to one of the female dogs. Damn, but I think I'm jealous of a friggin' wolf and a dog.

Day #21:
We're on our way to Maggie's place. All of a sudden, Ben decides he needs to see his sister. At least this time, I don't have to worry about a woman climbing up the Fraser tree.

Day #28:
Maggie is so cool. Ben was trying to set us up. He thinks I'm lonely. Maggie, on the other hand, has me all figured out. Ben was outside stacking the wood that Maggie had chopped. She sat me down and told me she looked forward to having me as a brother-in-law. Coulda knocked me over with a feather. Tried to bluff my way out of it, but she wasn't buying the rap. Ben came in then, so she left it that way. I found one big difference between brother and sister. She can lie with the best of them. Told Ben to stop trying to set her up, as she was already seeing someone. Of course Ben admitted it, and blushed. She winked at me over his bowed head. When he went for a walk later, she decided to fill me in on some local mating customs. God, I hope I have the courage to use them one day.

Day #35:
Back on the trail. Cold front moved in last night. Ben is heading for some shelter to hole up for a few days. Thought I was cold before, I was wrong.

Day #37:
We've been here for two days and I'm goin' stir crazy. There's nothing to look at except Ben. Not that I mind, but I think I'm spooking him a bit. It has to be soon, before I loose all my nerve. I'm going to tell him how I feel tonight. At least he can put me out of my misery.

Day #38:
Wow.

Day #41:
I've had some time to think about this, and Ben says I should put it in here. I won't go into details. Shit, never mind, yes I will. Ben was sitting in front of the fire reading his father's journal while I was writing in mine. I asked him if he'd like to read what I had written so far, and he said, and I quote, "Why, Ray, I'd be honoured". I gave him the book and walked to the farthest corner I could find and curled up in a little ball. Didn't take him long - I didn't have much written down yet. The next thing I know, I'm being stood up and he's hugging me. I look up and look into his eyes, which have tears in them. I made him cry. Then he kissed me. Ben Fraser kissed me! Then he said "I Am honoured." And that's all she wrote for me. I started kissing his eyes, nose, chin, ears and finally his mouth. He has such a beautiful mouth, and a tongue that just won't quit. I dreamed it would be slow and easy; turns out it was fast and hard, then slow and easy. We nearly ripped the clothes off each other. I couldn't get enough of his skin. I ran my hand down his chest and abdomen, making little circles around his navel. He sucked in his breath and I slipped my hand into his pants. He felt like silk. I unzipped his pants to give me better access. He was standing with his head thrown back and his eyes closed. I asked him to open his eyes to watch me. I wanted him to see how much I love him. I licked the tip of his penis and looked up to see if he was watching. 'Till my dying day I don't think I'll ever see anything as beautiful as his face at that moment. His eye were changing, the pupils were so huge you could hardly see the gray iris at all. I took him into my mouth and ran my tongue along the vein underneath. Starting a little sucking, I pumped him with my hand. He lost it, he grabbed my head and started fucking my mouth. I just kept sucking. He screamed my name and spurted into my mouth. I tied to swallow but I still ended up with cum on my face. He sank down to his knees and I kissed him. He ran his hand down my stomach. It was kind of embarrassing, since I came when he did. He looked so disappointed I started to laugh. I told him the truth, that I had been waiting for him for so long that the mere thought of bringing him off was enough for me. Of course, that wasn't good enough for him, so we worked ourselves up again, and this time he took me for a ride. I will never say anything bad about him licking things again. He licked, kissed, and sucked every inch of my skin, even my fingers. That almost made me lose it right then. Finally he took my penis into his mouth and blew my mind. No pun intended. We fell asleep in each other's arms on the floor in front of the fireplace.

Day #46:
We've been trying to figure out how to stay together. Ben says I have to go into town to get a visitor's permit or something. He's going to sponsor me, and since he's member of the R.C.M.P. we figure I got a good chance of being accepted. He's offered to move back to Chicago with me but I'm happy being here. The city is no place for him. I mean, I know he can survive, but out here he thrives. So we're heading back to Maggie's place; he figures we can use it as our base of operations. Plus, he says, I have to call Welsh, my parents, and Stella. He has to call Vecchio.

Day #50:
Ben and I talked all night. I told him everything. How I think I loved him since the Volpe thing. How it scared the shit out of me. He told me he thought I was the bravest man he ever met. This time he made me cry. He told me about his childhood. I cried even more. Then he told me about his father's ghost, and seeing his Mom come for his Dad. He started to cry, and I just held him for all I am worth. We fell asleep in each others arm's.

Day #60:
Today is my wedding day. Funny, but I never thought I'd ever say that again. I'm more sure about this than I've ever been about anything in my entire life. We had a little problem deciding which side of the wedding to put Vecchio & Stella on; Ben solved this by asking them to both stand up for us. Surprised the shit outta me when they said yes. My folks are here; even some of the people from the 27th showed up. Welsh is sitting in the front row with Maggie and Buck. Ma Vecchio is here, even; she said it's her privilege to see her son married and happy. The ceremony is about to start. I look up; Ben is off to one corner, and he has this glow to him. I go to see if he's ready. It's the second time I've seen tears in his eyes. He tells me his parents are here and they give us their blessing.

Day 62:
This will be my last entry. Ben wants to keep this. He was right, I put my dreams in here, and they came true.

End Dream Journal by Victoria: godoy58@att.net

Author and story notes above.