Disclaimer: : NOTMINE, only in my dreams when we go on crime solving adventures together! (seriously)

Author's Notes: This story wouldn't have been possible if it wasn't for one very gay band, Keane. This was written in the entire 6 months it took me, going insane listening to their two cds. I suggest listening to the first one while reading this, its as gay as my story. Thanks to Bekah my muse, you are my muse. She also helped me in one scene, it was a good one. Thanks for reading this because I like it, and I hope you will too. Feedback!! Feedback!!please! Suggest reading on my site, so it's as I wanted. My dot, dot, dot's are missing. It's not the same

Story Notes: Harlequin pure and simple.

In the beginning, two lone figures stumbled from a Bar & Grill in the middle of nowhere. or Canada.

"And a Yo, Ho, Ho." I cut him off, "Fraser what izz widyou and pie-arets." my mouth struggling to come up with something audible. I can't just let this one be. "You got sum weird past, I don't kno, of. about, which."

What was I asking?

And the answer would be, Yes, if you've guessed that I'm a damn drunken fool at the moment, cause you'd be right. yea. I don't usually sound like a two year old, regardless of rumors.

And Fraser, well, he's just fine. nice and mellow, all loosened up from the brews. And since we left the bar; that warm arm of his has been a heavy comfortable weight around my shoulder - with his hand, a not so familiar presence that keeps on sliding across my neck.his fingers getting friendly in my hair. Feels good. Touch feels good period when your drunk, but his touch. my stomach flutters with every pass of those rough pads.

Oh, and now he's talking " Adventures! Just like this one, Ray my best friend, Ray my partner, Ray. the turtle."

His eyes are holding mine, so close with so much amusement, drunk, I think. Two drunks.and he's the one who's really proving it tonight, when he laughs; that surprised bark that's the most I can usually get `outta him when he isn't three sheets to the wind. But tonight probably for the. well, I'm a realist so lets say, second time in his life he's drunk, so therefore three sheets to the wind he truly is, and his laughter `kinda deteriorates at the end into uncontrollable giggles.

Fraser is giggling. drunk..ard.. Ha.

I gawk at him "Turtle!" I announce in a horrified appalled tone, except that's just too funny and I'm mostly laughing now, because he's slowly slipping to the side and taking me with him, still bubbling with laughter. And of course I give in; body in full on noodle state, no longer al dente as I slide to a soft stop against the psychedelically dancing motel floor. which is pretty bumpy for a floor, trippy.

Always wondered why every hotel or motel had to look like an acid trip.

I "Ooof." when my ass meet the carpet with a bounce, and he - swear to god " Rayyooss." or that's what it sounds like in my ears, his mouth fumbling out all those "ooss..."

Now I'm laughing, and doesn't that ever feel good. A drunk guttural wheeze of a laugh I can't really control, cause this is defiantly not what I ever expected.

Drunken Fraser. Drunken silly Fraser. Drunk was enough of a shock, but the silly. loose, pulls it off like a god damn veteran, what a trip.

Thank god for Canadian beer.

When Fraser had suggested dinner earlier on, after we'd gotten all cleaned up, Ray never envisioned this going down, or anything involving alcohol happening to Fraser. with him. The small bar and grill attached to the motel seemed like the most logical choice, or place to spend the night so that's where they had ended up. And Ray was more than ready to jump all over that, real food and maybe a few drinks.with good company that wasn't tripping him into snow drifts, and couldn't what with the walls all around.

After Four weeks in deep arctic snow, four weeks of cold discomfort, four week of Fraser - four walls was enough to make him weep.

Though, this little respite was all just temporary, the luxury of the `indoors', then what else - back on the trail to find that reaching out hand, once the three-days of lodging were up.

And Ray was actually excited .really.

There was no way he was going to bail out now. now that the quest has been `dutifully progressed,' in Fraser speak. In Ray's native tongue, he was still alive, so there was one more reason why he wasn't going to be throwing in the hanky. although Ray just saw that as keeping his best commodity out here, hadn't blown his noise this much since he was 5.

So, Ray could admit it, he'd never expected to actually be enjoying the quest that he'd suggested - to begin with, but now that they where hurling through the tundra like Louise and Clark. of the tundra, Ray was finding that he had a little more than an invested interested in the journey. even if he did feel crazy most day's cause of it.

And it's not just the journey he's talking about here.

No, in this one Ray's mind would be pinned as the culprit, in his latest. mind fuck, what with the going's on of his mind most of the time. But in this instance, mind you, Ray's pretty sure there's actually a mutual reason for his latest departure of good sense. sane sense; there seemed to be a little more going on here then meets the eye, then just a quest. if you get the drift.

No?

Well lets exstripo. let me explain a little: now that they where really getting into it, the beat and trail, or ice and. ice, seemed that everything was just chalking up to be, ah. aesthetics. You know, just the surface: two guys, one quest, and. more than a handful of shy smiles.

There was something happening here Ray was really just getting his mind around, a little something that truly only came about when you placed Benton Fraser and his flatfoot partner in the middle of nowhere with snow as your only other company. apart form the dogs, and Deif. And now that they were finally taking a break. that something was creeping up on then, or well, just Ray, like last month's socks, and underwear.

And what do you think was the first things to go into the wash once they settled the dogs?

So, he had gone a little whacked, and what the hell that's what mid-life crisis are for.

Why not then, he could only imagine with glee, (just went along with a life of pathetic irony perfectly) if it just so happened that he was going to be coming to some pretty startling personal realizations while stuck in the great wilds, then why not have your ever-blossoming partner along with you. Cause like Ray didn't know to begin with, Fraser is one hell of a character, and that really doesn't help when you're trying to read into your partners every action like a `frigin book.

Underneath his normal one hell of a whacked-out-annoying character, turned out Fraser could actually be entertaining - in a non-sarcastic and oblivious kinda way. more of a `lets torture Ray kinda way,' cause, what the fuck, Ray isn't going anywhere. and maybe the bastard knows that.

A `Fraser kinda-torture way' was still `A whacked out kinda way,' though. The guy has the humor of twisted mid-schooler. damn Canadians.

Ray hadn't seen it coming either; shoulda- there'd been clues. starting in Chicago - but up here it had started with snowballs. Guy threw a snowball like a heat seeking missile, but what did he expect, Fraser was born and raised in the stuff. snowballs to Fraser was like, hair gel to Ray. if hair gel knocked you off your boots. And then there was the time. wait, Oh yeah, that one, the snowman incident. Now that was a memorable, or damaging experience. When Fraser, the DEVIL, had built himself into a snowman. and burst out of it. causing Ray to scream like a little girl. and almost, piss. his pant. Ahmn. anyway.

Then there where the constant campfire story's. lets just say Stagnetti looked like mother Theresa compared to Bertrabalt the Cannibal trapper.

So, Ray had assumed the new and improved Fraser he was meeting was due to the fresh air up here, or just being in Canada period, got Fraser going and functioning on a semi personal level - actually opening up much to Ray's surprise. Guy was harder to read then a road map, and for Ray sometimes it was easier to take the scenic route, and in his eyes he'd already began that descent a long time ago, straight into the no return zone.

The things that Fraser had seen him do. complete loser.

Although, it wasn't like back in Chicago Fraser was any better, teetering on the barley whacked-o-meter from day one: Talking into thin air, and whatever issue he had with his closet. none of Ray's business, something's are personal. The way Ray saw it there was no reason for him to be pointing fingers, when he was busy doing everything in his power to make a fantastic fist impression; ask the guy if he thinks your attractive then take him to stalk your ex-wife with you, great move Kowalski. so fairs fair there.

For Ray opening up was being. less of an asshole, and it's kinda hard to be an asshole when you straight-laced partner it tripping you over in your snow shoes - like the greenhorn you are - after pointing out an Abominable Snowman, or Yeti. Something was slowly brewing here, like yesterdays coffee. and had a little more to it then just buddies who could hack it together in the middle of the nothing wilds, sharin' the same tent. was becoming a little more than buddies for Ray. More like Ray needing to hack it. so he doesn't have to go back to the hole in the wall he calls home - instead of the whole world, and Fraser. Or just Fraser, who at the moment was currently under him, and breathing all around him. What?

;)

"Ray we can't sleep here!" Fraser yelled then winced at his own voice. "Where on the floor." He whispered, this time in Rays warm ears, which was already beside his lips because. they where just walking and Ray was laughing and if Fraser thought about it he was as well. and very drunk. How did that happen now? Oh yes, he had decided to drink.

And yes he does drink, sometimes.

The last time he drank was for the obligatory toast to the queen, but that wasn't really drinking. more of a tradition. The last time he drank, drank, he had woken up in a field and found his boyhood friend Eric passed out with his face in a puddle of vomit. To his surprise his friend wasn't dead but after that the idea never seemed as appealing. or more accurately the extent of his pain the night prior.

Over the course of his life, obviously the subject of enjoying a drink had come up, offers, insult. How could one not drink? Perhaps some had just assumed he had an abuse problem at one point in his youth, though he doubted that scenario.

Ray Vecchio had asked him once, and as usual he had hedged around the question giving some equally valid explanation, but when Ray Kowalski had questioned Fraser's long withstanding position earlier in the night- those playful lips brushing the top to his Moose Head bottle, Fraser found that he couldn't do anything apart from answer Ray truthfully. So many things had changed that now made it possible for him to have such a simple conversation. Occurrences, which he had experienced throughout his last few years in Chicago, partially with Ray, an unseen twist in his fate: Chicago and Ray.

But now he wasn't in Chicago any more, though Ray was still with him. and Fraser was smiling. It was these day's, the present that Fraser knew would be the most pivotal period in his life and future memories, and that was more than a relief.

Recently almost instantaneously, his long withstanding position in existence had come to a startling halt, and almost every reason for his despair. or dissatisfaction that he had lived with, had dissolved away allowing him to alter his view on number of issues - like lets say, enjoying a drink with a good friend. With his demons put to rest, so much pain behind him so inordinately. such an instant shock, he could finally breath again, and discussing such matter's where hardly a trivial factor after all that he had survived through.

In the past, when inebriated the pain of his childhood would become so severe: his mothers death and sequential abandonment by his father, was just far too agonizing to bear. His emotions like a black dripping claw would drag him down in the muddy haze of inebriation, the last time he had cried until he remembered nothing more of the night, then awoke in shame. Eric afterwards would never utter a mention of these occurrences. he understood, and Fraser was thankful of him for that

But tonight, Ray was so welcoming and Fraser wanted to share his newfound happiness with his friend. Ray was on an adventure and Fraser as his guide to his world, his home, like Ray had been for Fraser in Chicago - after Ray Vecchio had left - just a continuation, and at times more adapt considering the determination Ray had at attempting to meld Fraser into his own culture. But in Canada. Fraser could breath again, live again. and found it easier to function again on a more level field, now that such an aggrieved chapter of his life had come to a close, just as he was home once more.

With his sanity a little more sure, after his father's apparition in the face of Muldoon, then the crossing over. of his father. his father and his sweet mother finally finding peace in the afterlife. problems that a son usually wouldn't have bestowed upon them post dead. For most, the obligatory funeral service and dealings of the will is stressful enough.

Sanity is a fragile thing..

Then Maggie, wonderful Maggie, my sister. Fraser felt like he could finally collect on some of the satisfaction that his life owed him. The pain of Victoria retreating, the punishment that she dealt on him, those sins that he had to suffer for, a distant memory. never forgotten, but just that, distant. A faded pain.

And Ray. In the End Fraser had been left with one last gift. Ray.

Ray Kowalski was a man who had lost his way. Fraser could see that the moment they had met. But he wasn't sent to save him in any sense of the phrase, biblical terms aside. Actually Fraser wasn't sent for him to begin with it was actually Ray who had come after. well anyway. Somehow their partnership had dealt itself out and Ray was still here.

The same night that Fraser had finally severed the tie with which Meg Thatcher fleetingly had tried to salvage between them; it had been cut years earlier and there was no relationship there that Fraser had wanted to pursue. If there had been anything Meg Thatcher had crushed what little flicker had been. confusing, because he knew that deep down she wanted him. they both had wanted one another.. but it was crushed on that train. Fraser lost interest that day. She had made the choice and his wounds where to raw to begin with.

But before their parting kiss, much like the one that Ray Kowalski and Maggie had shared, Fraser watching in the reflection of the windshield of Ray car.. Ray Kowalski was bleeding, sitting around that campfire alone, the flames like his internal turmoil on his chilled face.

Fraser could still remember that moment. Ray was so poignant, torn between some internal anguish that involved his self, a knowledge that he had come to understand from Ray's subtle comments preceding the return of Ray Vecchio. Ray wanted to remain with Fraser. but there was nothing Fraser could do about it at the time. not until after his sleight was cleared you could say, and now.

He wanted to enjoy his time with his friend; he wanted to enjoy. Ray.

Fraser was very drunk, the hideous floor like a bad dream, and Ray, a comfortable weight against his body. Fraser couldn't help his hands now, as they had been lingering earlier. Already knowing that he had always felt for Ray, in friendship - Fraser found that now that he was dunk, he also wanted to feel Ray, or touch. and smell. His lazy grip held Ray in place. in his lap.

"You smell good." He mumbled inhaling the hair at the nape of Ray's neck. it was so soft, his fingers unable to stay away, and earlier as well as he stroked across the freshly exposed flesh there. Ray had got a hair cut while he had housed the dogs much to Fraser's surprise, well mostly due to the fact that their lay over was only 2 to 3 days at length, and Ray would most assuredly feel the cold when they set off again. When he had mentioned this to Ray, the answer to his internal wondering: does Ray plan to depart back to Chicago already? Was answered by the look of embarrassment that spread across his partners face. "Oh. damn your right. shit." He had murmured. Fraser's only response had been to smile then, wide and true. Ray wasn't leaving yet, and he looked good with a beard and not the hair to match. He looked good. smelled fantastic. felt warm and familiar.

Fraser felt his body warming in everyplace that Ray touched him, felt the moisture of his mouth increasing as he continued to inhale the intoxicating scent of Ray, licked his lips which scantly were touching Ray's skin, felt as his groin began to-

Oh dear.

Like a little bell ringing Fraser felt his arousal stirring, and Ray surely would too and that meant. Fraser's arousal.

Perhaps he shouldn't have drank.

That though hit him like a bucket of ice, but Ray was talking, "What do I smell like." Then hiccupped, craning his head around to smile foolishly at Fraser, who felt as though his own eyes had grown twice the size because Ray.. Him. and, could they? His mind questioned, lazy from the Moose Head that Ray had spilt at one point down the long curve of his wind burnt chin and neck.

"You smell like you Ray." Fraser tried to unfreeze but he found that panic had a sobering effect, why just a minute ago he was singing and joking with Ray, smiling with Ray and now .

"And that's good?" Rays lazy smile was turning into a loose frown, still as he was resting in Fraser's lap.

Fraser nodded, but instead of continuing this conversation on the floor (apparently) he wanted into their room. he needed to be alone with Ray. and the lights in the hall were causing his head to spin. "Lets escape." he wheezed as he began to stand, pulling Ray with him, and up. Ray was rather lithe, smaller then Fraser. not frail, but just thinner. lighter. more elegant.

Elegant. drunk, drunken fool he chided.

Ray was standing along with Fraser now, or more a part of Fraser. probably due to the fact that he had neglected to let go of his hold on Ray's waist, and upper arm when they had righted.

But instead of commenting, as Fraser normally would have expected, Ray was fumbling with the key in the pocket of his loose jeans then was holding up the single tag between them, the gap of their chests one of the only places they weren't touching. Their eyes met, Rays sleepy yet serious, the swirl of blue gold which Fraser had come to identify with Ray's emotion regarding him, that spark of wonder entranced Fraser, he couldn't look away. Yet he realized, as he was slowly held captive by Ray's stare, he didn't know how to react or act. or what he was trying to achieve. Ray's chin lifted, and for one brief moment Fraser anticipated. That's what he wanted, to kiss Ray.

Ray's lips. his partner. just one taste.

Ray shook his head drunkenly, nodding more significantly finding his composure, then he mumbled silently, like it was to quiet for more than whispers now. "Our room." Then pulled Fraser along with him to their door.

The door slammed behind him from it's own momentum. he guessed, and tried to get what just happened.

Or what was happening.

Fraser went off in front of him and Ray stumbled over to the closets bed and knelt against it, his body stretched out on the soft surface and his knees on the floor; it was damn better then the bar stool, but a far site from Fraser's lap. where something had happened.

Ray tracked over the events of the last 5 minutes or was it 20. Fraser was under him then he shivered, because the feeling of the warm breath inhaling at the nape of his neck set his body in a domino of goose bumps ending with his nipples. It had felt good, very good.

Fraser's hands had been all over him. touching his arms, and chest, told Ray he smelt good, then.

Realized what he was doing? Fraser did.

Ray had known what Fraser was doing, but didn't see a reason to make a complaint. then again Ray was already a little bent so.

WATER

Ray flopped his body up needing it, craving it, joining for it. He stumbled into the washroom and turned on the tap gulping down the sweet flavour, better then beer, his mind drunkenly muddled followed by: Fraser.

He turned on his foot and swayed through the doorway, the walls were a little wobbly, but he was good. Not gonna hurl everywhere, just tipsy, feel, good warm mellow - where are those hands again, kinda good.

He stripped his shirt off not really seeing a need for one anymore, and kicked his boots off in the direction of anywhere.

"Benton?" Ray said, swaying a little when he found himself at the foot of the other bed, the small bedside lamp that Ray had left on before dinner, just bright enough to illuminate that section of the room. Fraser was lying with his thick hands covering his eyes and his legs lying limply apart. his pants where so tight and Ray remembered that for just one fleeting second in hallway, an hour ago out there, he coulda sworn that Fraser had been.

"You k'ay buddy?" Ray stumbled to the side of the bed, then down onto his knees.

Fraser's head nodded, then his hands finally pulled away slowly, limply from his face, moving to reveal the worry lines that surrounded. everything.

Shit, Ray almost said aloud.

"I don't drink Ray." was all Fraser said, then his eyes darted to Rays bare chest. then back.

What were they doing?

Ray looked down the length of Fraser body mumblings out what came to his mouth first, "You thinking of your. crappy life? Like you said you used too. I used to think of Stella, then cry in the shower." He finished, his tone very matter of fact, and then tore his eyes away from Fraser's body meeting Fraser sorry eyes again. Fraser looked even worse then before and Ray waved his words off with his heavy hand, and boy did that ever feel weird. He let it drop and it landed on the solid chest under him.

Fraser shook his head, his eyes rolling around his head to Ray's hand.

"What then?" he nodded to the door, "we were out there an dou where singing about pirates," Fraser smiled. "Then we were on the ground and." Ray trailed off and Fraser frowned.

Well there you go, then.

"I. I. smelt you." Fraser finally stuttered after who knows how long, the silence not really a factor when noise was mysteriously rushing through Ray's ears. Fraser was looking desperately ashamed. and pouting.pouting at Ray.

And that's a problem, how? Shut up mind, Ray inwardly cursed. he had to fix this so they could. so he could get Fraser too. so he could finally stop feeling crazy. Nope that wasn't going happen anytime soon he suspected.

Ray started to rub at the fabric on Fraser's chest; soft and flannelly, looked good on Fraser, always did, but there was just something about the added beard along with it that made him look. woodsy. or more woodsy, and apparently woodsy was a plus in Ray's books.

All of a sudden, Ray wanted to feel Fraser's beard. or face, both: Ray wanted a lot at the minute, or second, now that he touching. There had been no invitation though, in Fraser's words, his actions definitely. well maybe, shit, but if Fraser was freaking out because he didn't want Ray, and thought that Ray thought that he was. or was going to hate Fraser because he, wanted Ray. If that made sense.

Could that really happen anyway, Fraser wanting Ray? And why would he want Ray to begin with.probably just as drunk as Ray and.

" Did you mean too, too. smell, me?" Ray finally asked because Fraser wasn't being very helpful here, more quiet and. scared, his eyes lazily tracking Ray's hand that couldn't stop stroking all that smooth fabric.

He closed his eyes, Fraser closed his eyes and nodded his head, then when his mouth opened Ray stared at the stretch of it. the fullness of his lips and wanted to taste. just like in the hallway. he wanted Fraser but.

Fraser floundered, then huffed, and scrunched up his face, which woulda made Ray laugh, if he hadn't shot a desperate look Ray's way after. He was trying to answer, say something and Ray wasn't going anywhere, he had all the time in the world to wait... there was no way he was going to miss Fraser's next words, he'd been waiting. who knows how long, a months, a year, their whole partnership for Fraser's next words.

Finally, with a groan, Fraser growled in frustration then began a sorta slurred speech, that Ray had to strain to hear, bringing him even closer to Fraser: Fraser smelt like beer and every thing good, what was that. oh yea, he smelt like himself.

Fraser was talking.

"I do not drink" he whispered, "its never an enjoyable experience. I keep wanting to. to touchyou Ray. I," he paused and Ray froze, because those words. coming out of that mouth. and being drunk just made anything seem possible. He didn't pass out back there did he?

"I've never thought about it. I can't believe. I `m that naive. I enjoy you and, and wanted you in my lap, I wanted to, to. " Fraser breathed a gusty sigh, "I thought all I wanted from you was, was friendship. I've never had a friend like you and never thought that I could feel for a ma."

"I. I am a damn imbecile aren't I now? I. can't lie to you.I."

Ray pulled Fraser's hand away from his eyes; it had slipped there again and then he leaned over him. Frase was panting and looking about as stunned as a bunny. " I." Ray's eyes glanced around the room, like he had to check that no one was around. in their private room. "I wanted it too, in the hall. I wanted to be. in your lap. It's okay that you like me." He didn't add more, couldn't, because this was one fucked up conversation, and Fraser was still frozen, breathing deeply like it was hard to get air; his breath smelt of beer, and moist.

Ray wanted to. so badly. just one kiss

There eyes where like magnets. weak kinda lazy ones, considering they where both pretty smashed at the moment, but something was really - finally happening, and Ray had to stop himself from smashing the mood to bits when he almost grinned, so outta it. Yeah, definitely more than something.

The Big It.

His hand was still on Fraser chest and it was no hard ship to slide it upwards, stroking in a line over hard muscle, till it finally met the warm curl of Fraser's beard. He was gentle, as he cupped strong jaw and ran his fingers in a caress across the cheek of his partner. his, lover. he hoped

"This okay?" he whispered. Fraser nodded slowly, like he was in water or something, like he was hypnotized.

Then Fraser's breathing stuttered, as Ray softy petted Fraser's face; he had wanted this so bad, he wanted Fraser. Ray couldn't contain his rushing thoughts; he could barely recall when his craving for his partner had first begun.. He could remember when he first became aware though; aware enough that leaving Fraser was not an option from that moment on, that's why he was still here. Fraser's eyes where so deep and held Ray's intensely, but Ray was already lost, his damn fool heart already hooked. It had all happened so fast mere months ago, the same instant that "Ray!" had left Fraser's lips with such happiness and excitement. So much emotion standing in the door way to Armando Langostini hotel room, the real Ray Vecchio apparently back and Ray suddenly feeling as though the world was crumbling away around him.

Somehow hearing Fraser saying his name - but not his name, Ray Vecchio, not Ray Kowalski - hearing the pleasure in that one word, and not directed at him, hurt more then he could have ever expected. he hadn't hurt that much since. Stella.

Then he was really fucked, cause all he wanted from that moment on was, Fraser. for himself, and to hear that voice again but more, all the emotion in the world in one word, his name, Ray Kowalski's.

Biting his lip, Fraser's lashes batted wantonly as Ray touched him gently, he couldn't stop. it felt like they where stuck - their eye's where stuck- Ray didn't know what Fraser was seeing but Ray had always known what he saw when Fraser was concerned. everything.

He looked so good. so good in Ray's eyes. always had. and always will. Though with Fraser there was probably about a million others, apart from him who would tell you the same thing. but with Ray he was seeing Benton Fraser, not just Fraser and that was one hell of difference, that was the every thing.

In Ray's eyes, it felt like he was seeing more then he ever should have been entitled too, like he wasn't good enough or something. seeing the eccentric man who he had come to respect as a partner in Chicago, and gradually grew to rely on as his best friend overtime. But then eventually, friends wasn't enough anymore. not for him and love was what he was left with, fucking love that he couldn't seem to shake, that just kept on growing as Benton Fraser, the complex hidden man, was slowly revealed to him. And was still, now because of their quest.

They where thrown together and it had stuck, like destiny, finally leaving Ray with the only person he wanted, body and mind. heat and soul. the only person who could make him feel whole, feel so good about himself by just being around him.

Fraser's hand started to move and Ray's eyes shuttered when he felt Fraser's gentle caress, much like his own - traveling across his face. so good, so fucking good, it felt like his soul was being fed from that touch. Fraser was it, so it for him now that even thinking about his ex-wife, Stella, was nothing more than a distant pang of happy and not so happy memories from his past. He would always love her, as he knew that she would always love him. but he had finally moved on.

"I want you." Ray confessed, "I." God weren't drunk's supposed to be bumbling buffoons, even pissed outta his tree he still couldn't get his words straight.

His eyes where closed now, but he only had a second to focus on the swirling colours behind his eyes before he felt Fraser's palm resting at the nape of his bare neck, where it had ended up, then running up into his hair and cupping his head firmly.

Fraser was looking less scared now and more. more. fiery. lost and now mumbling again. " You wanted to stay with me, and I wanted you to. as, my partner, but more than that, my feeling, I could never understand my intentions, I know why now."

Huh, he really didn't know. gotta hand it to the guy he really is an innocent.

Ray's groin coiled in sensation.

"I couldn't leave you." He confessed.

Ray started to close the gap between them and Fraser started to pull Ray towards him . and they where going to kiss. he could see it coming, it was finally gonna happen, but he had too "I l-," Ray froze inches from Fraser mouth, cursing his stupid fucking mind for not getting with the program, and having to go and think on him. "If we wake up and everything's fucked, I don't wanna make it worse Frase."

Fraser looked confused and aroused then licked his lip. inches from Ray's " We can go slow, we can. sto-"

" No! I mean; I was going to say-

Fraser looked fazed now, guy was really into this even though he almost volunteered to end it, his morals still in action even liquored up, and that made Ray less sure, was he really that drunk. Well what the fuck, damn the torpedoes and all that he though, cause this ship was already sunk what with they both had just confessed, starting with Fraser.

Though, it was still hard to say the words, his voice was small, unsure and trembling. "I love you." Then he kissed Fraser's lips like he meant it.

Fraser didn't move, their lips where still pressed together, Ray was still twisted over Fraser chest from his kneel and Fraser's hand was combed through Ray's hair holding him in place. But they where still kissing just, kind of frozen.

Fraser couldn't let go.. just couldn't move an inch from Ray, and his lips.unless this was somehow all just a dream, a wonderful hazy dream where Ray's lips were still against his, so warm and alive and loving.

Love, Ray loved him.

Fraser had known that but. he didn't, not truly. intimately. how Fraser apparently loved Ray. Something's have to be said, or shown or you're left haplessly blind.

Fraser remembered the first time Ray had said those words to him, he had been filled with such happiness it had been a shock . but he should have guessed at the time, Ray hadn't mean it like.

Why would Fraser interpret Ray's words to mean that? No wonder.

Well, nevertheless, Ray had promptly and insensibly taken them back, only after Fraser had returned the gesture, `And, I you Ray.' declaring so naturally, right in the open, right there at the tip of his tongue, like those evocative words had been waiting to jump out and tell them both such an ambiguous truth, the one thing that he had been so blind to. Not now, not this time, now it all made sense - so many things. like Rays mouth caressing his own. Ray's lips kissing his with such determination, then parting and Fraser was helpless as his own mouth followed; he relaxed his lips, and he knew what he needed. what he wanted .

His tongue moved on its own accord but he received every sensation. It slipped out cautiously, moistening the gap that he had created with his own lips, and then he was seeking entry to the moist space of the mouth sealed to his. His whole body shuttered from the caress, and Ray quivered as tongue reached out to sample Fraser's, a delicate touch. Just that, lightly until they both broke, Fraser pulling Ray roughly towards his aching body, that one touch like a thick passion of sweet, so good, oozing honey, melting and flowing as their mouths fused and their tongues danced between them frantically.

Ray's mouth was exquisite, Ray's tongue was.. erotic as hell, Fraser felt his whole being reacting to the man who he loves. He loves.

Ray's hands traveled, touching and stroking the sensitive skin of Fraser face, combing up into the too long hair, and his own hands mirrored Ray, savoring the soft hair of his head and face, but the creamy golden skin of his shoulders and back where more of an allure. Though nothing Fraser ever imagined compared to their mouths at the moment.

Fraser couldn't let go and he had a feeling Ray shared his sentiments. They gasped into each other between the twines of their tongues, Ray's mouth like his own little play ground with Ray's tongue an amorous toy that was swirling and sucking Fraser into oblivion. He moaned when he felt Ray sensually suckling at the lax muscle in his mouth, until they finally had to breath, breaking apart roughly

They both panted desperately as Ray hovered above Fraser, a stunned expression across his handsome face, with his elegant fingers framing Fraser's. Rays eyes bore into him, absorbing his own gaze. It felt like Ray was piercing into his soul, from the effect of the alcohol and the shock of their omissions Fraser truly felt defenseless for the first time since.

Ray looking into his heart, his heart that was singing, "I love you, Ray. as well, I love you." Fraser panted, his voice sounded nothing like he could ever recall, but he meant every word even if he was not himself. he searched his mind and. heart, oh yes, he meant it, and felt it.

Ray was still frozen, but was slowly beginning to smile. bashful, and that was almost to absurd in their current position. Fraser let his hands stroke up and down Ray's bare chest trying to prompt him into motion, but then inexplicably Ray's features turned hard, although he was somewhat fuzzy.

"You sure? Really." Ray gave Fraser a piercing look, then moved his hands into Fraser hair again, his fingers gently holding on, holding his head like lovers would. so intimate. so craved for. Fraser felt frustration running wildly throughout his nerves, . now that he wasn't caring about reserve or able too, they where here, he wanted Ray, he needed the contact. his body screamed for release, the alcohol obviously not a dampening factor as he had come to learn was a unfortunate side effect at times.

Moving fluidly, Fraser grasped the waste of Rays jeans and pulled him with a heave, onto the bed beside him, Ray looked absolutely shocked, yet allowed his body to be contorted as Fraser wished. They both ended up slightly on their sides, through Fraser made sure that Ray was still somewhat on his back. Fraser wanted to touch his bare chest, his brown rosy, tight nipples.

Fraser bit his bottom lip and looked determined, " Oh yes, Ray." His hand shakily ran across Ray's chest, so smooth and perfect, Rays face was frozen in a stunned stupor, but it came to life with Fraser's caress and continuation of speech. it was so much easier to express ones self when you aren't thinking. "I love you, and want to. to." he had to cast darkness over his next words, his eyes fluttering shut, though his penis was now throbbing even from the thought of. "I want to make love to you," His cheeks burned from passion and embarrassment, even drunk a confession of the sort was almost too much for him.

Ray's face so tender. and wicked when he opened his eyes a second later, and lustful, it looked as though Ray had already began to react from the thought. Fraser allowed his thumb to pass over Ray's nipple from the erotic sight, and the hiss it produced caused Fraser to almost groan from the building pressure in his jeans. Rays hand that was gripping Fraser's chest through his shirt squeezed methodically, open, then close, then Ray squirmed closer as he began to finally speak, "All you had to say was yes. Fuck Frase, er Benton. Ben." His luscious lashed batted, as he looked down, golden and beautiful like Ray. "I've wonted something for a while.this, but didn't know how much. both of us. pretty slow." Like he was almost drugged Ray had started to trail off as Fraser slowly circled Rays nipple with his thumb, then the other. Ray watched Fraser progress, his mouth hanging open, until he sucked in a breath and met Fraser's eyes less droopy and sure. not done yet. " I'm ah, gonna feel da same in the morning. that's what I meant, I won't forget. can't." his chin lifted and Fraser felt the seriousness of his affirmation. " You gonna forget dis all in the morning?"

Fraser stopped his hands path. Could he forget this, what has, and is and will. transpire tonight?

In the past maybe. If it were someone other than Ray, - he had forced himself to forget certain events. it was possible, as he had done with Meg Thatcher, but that had been. forgettable, he never wanted her. He wanted Ray Kowalski; that he had known for certain all along. The thought of Ray leaving Canada, to make his journey back to Chicago was so depressing that he had chosen to not deal with the subject, or thought until the reality was in the present. He was certain of it.he wanted his partner, regardless of the on going blemishes which effect their friendship, even if at times Ray was so absurdly annoying that Fraser had in the past considered leaving him in a snow drift more than once. but that, he knew was just the Ray that he had come to accept. and love. You can't expect every friendship. relationship to be smooth sailing, actually none in his adult life had been as comfortable and companionable as theirs; the friendship that they shared was too cherished, and if this was the natural next step.

No longer feeling as tipsy, defiantly less spiny, Fraser held Rays gaze firmly, " I could never be able to forget this Ray." Ray head was sagging towards Fraser's, and he easily pulled Rays lips to his own, devouring his partners mouth for what felt like a century frozen in time. He enjoyed that almost too much. "I don't want you to leave me, " he snorted, " and I was stupid enough to not question my own intentions." Fraser searched Ray's eyes now full of mischief, waiting for his next words.

"You called ur' self stupid."

Only Ray. Fraser thought feeling the affection bloom in him like a burst through his tingling senses.

"Oh Ray." Fraser sighed not meaning to sound so sentimental, but the look on Rays face was worth it: sweet and sleepy, no, not sleepy lustful.

Ray chuckled intimately, but Fraser couldn't wait any longer and took Ray's mouth once again.

Ray's rumbling was ended by the crush of Fraser's lips, and the force of Fraser tongue stealing his. guy knew what he wanted and took it. was taking Ray. well Ray was one damn willing partner and he wanted some of the taking for himself, now that moment was theirs. ripe for the picking.

God, the things that they had just confessed. Ray's cock was about to burst it was so happy, and his heart was there to match, singing in Ray's chest like the little songbird that Fraser so sweetly sung to the tune of. singing to Fraser.Ben

Ray couldn't leave that mouth, but hey, still have hands, and they where moving now; Fraser shirt was soft, the cream and red flannel worn and thin, came apart pretty fast when he was ripping most of buttons off. Fraser pulled away looking lust-drunk, yet appalled, " Ray, do you know how long I've had this shirt?"

Ray shook his head, taking in that beautiful face. "Too long, Benton Buddy. too damn long." Ray was a man with a mission now, because there was a job to be done and he was going to do it. Get Benton Fraser naked, because naked = sex.

Uncovering his partner like a prize, Ray straddled Fraser's waist, tugging at Fraser's jeans clumsily, "Why do you have to wear pants?" he cursed, and Fraser laughed sounding far to amused, he was serious here.

A hand snuck into his hair, stroking across his skin like a deadly serpent, then lunged pulling Ray against the crush of Fraser's grinning lips. Ray gave in instantly to the mouth that stole his breath and gave it back like a second set of lounges. Ohhhhh God, "Buddy breathing - "

He quivered out tasting his lips for Fraser's mark left behind. "I can taste you this time." He whispered.

"As can I." Fraser husked, and began to unfasten his own jeans, biting his lip involuntarily, as the zipper was carefully pulled over the painful looking swell. Ray's own head swelled. both of them. He bit off a groan, but couldn't help to pant. so damn fucking turned on.

He had to squeeze his eyes shut for a brief moment; he always got so worked up when he was drunk and Fraser. Fraser was being down right obscene.

Ray had to open his eyes (kept on doing that, had to stop) to the feeling of Fraser's hands running up and down his chest, his shaking fingers resting on the waist of Ray's worn jeans. Bet they never saw this one coming.

Oh boy, was that ever an understatement. Fraser probably hadn't have even seen it coming, Ray sure as hell didn't. and Deif- maybe Deif had, he'd have to ask Fraser. but now that it was here and happening-

"What do you wanna -"

Ray gulped, " Wanna do?"

Fraser met Rays eyes wild, eating me fucking alive, he thought.

God, but please, he silently bagged- then Fraser's eyes flicked, flicked to his swell, trapped between denim that was probably as old as that shirt of Fraser's that Ray had gone to town on. Maybe Fraser would rip his jeans. Ray bit his lip, sucked in a breath and watched Fraser hand as it slid, an excruciating trail.

Ray's hand landed hard on Fraser's firm chest, his head was nodding yes- yes, please hurry up. please, please, "Please."

Fraser's firm focus on his hand, that dirty look in his eyes snapped to Rays pained expression, God I must look like a slut. or something, bagging.

Begging. that sounded good, he'd always been good a bagging, "Please, Frase."

The worlds left his lax lips so quietly, and the lips of the man under him parted in surprise. arousal. need. Ray could only guess, but now he was going to get results, he could almost. feel it, that hand.

So rich and deep, like liquor pouring over Ray's tingling senses, " Yes Ray, now."

"Now." Ray echoed and watched as finally, Fraser's hand cupped him through his jeans, cupped his hard cock, which jumped from just that lightest of touches. Ray gasped, digging his fingers into the cotton of Fraser under shirt, twisting it in his grip, "Yesss, God. I'm so-

"Hot." Fraser panted; Ray was out of his mind at that moment, that alcohol still there and blanking out his resolve. Ray got worked up in bed, wild- the normal amount of passion and all that that any white-blooded male would demonstrate. but right now, it felt like even the lightest puff of breath from this man. could shake Ray apart.

Fraser must of sensed that, because he was moving, and had that focus, had that drive that Ray was just waiting for - Finally, as his fingers began to squeeze and stroke.

Oh, Ray just barely held back a wild thrust; Fraser was squeezing him, rolling - rubbing, ah, rubbing across the denim with the palm of his large hand. Rays cock throbbed in the crush of his boxer-briefs and jeans - to tight.

Fraser's fingers found his nipples again, dry then, and he watched in shock as Fraser's pink tongue ran over the tips of his finger. Fraser's eyes were locked on the sight of his other hand massaging Ray through his jeans, but Ray couldn't for the life of him tear his eyes from the sight of those shining wet fingers slicking over Rays rosy nipples.

"Ohhh," Ray groaned even before that wet caress began to play across his sensitized nipples, dancing from one to other- matching the rolling squeeze of Fraser's hand on his bulge, Fraser panting along with Ray like it was Ray who was giving Fraser, such wicked. wicked. pleasure.

There was too much - over whelming, growing from his swelling cock, he could feel droplet of moisture drooling from his cock head, his nipples tingling, sensations swelling from his tight abused nipples, all that pleasure swirling into his groin. twirling and taking Ray away. so much. so good. not enough-

"Mmmm. Ray" Fraser's voice broke his thoughts. blind focus.

"Ohhh. Fraser, Frase. that's, Oh my cock."

He didn't know what he was trying to say, but something had to be said, what with the way that his eyes where rolling back in his head. and Fraser. god, when he finally absorbed the sight of the man under him he shuddered; looked like a fucking porno: his shirt was ripped open from Ray, his under shirt messed with Rays fingers twisted up in one of the thick straps that led up to his shoulder. and his pants, unzipped with his boxers. his somehow still white, crisp boxers holding his rock hard cock.

God, so stiff and wet; the wet spot circling the jutting thrust of his erection like an invitation, an invitation for Ray to get his act together.

".Yes, yes," Fraser was huffing, his eyes devouring the sight of Ray. then Fraser was leaning forward, a shutter leaving those parting lips, " Ray- Ray, touch me." He whispered as he covered Ray's wet mouth- kissing again, so good- diving into the moist heat of Fraser tongue like it was the only chance he'd ever get to feel this perfection.

Ray didn't have to be told twice, actually he shouldn't have to have been told at all, what with all he was finally getting.. that finally. but

He was propelled into motion.making it good. good for Ray. good for Fraser. Lazily he slid his other palm that he had had digging into Fraser's thigh, dragged it over, gripping his long fingers into the visible patch of Fraser's darkly shaded thigh, ending with his eager palm covering the pathetic cotton of Fraser's boxer. Ray squeezed, flexed his hand over the plump girth firmly through the cotton, feeling that craved swell of Fraser member like it was his own.

They moaned in their kiss. their tongues more frantic, connecting them wholly, or just their mouths. because there were other ways to connect. ways that took trust and, time.

Some major Tonsil hockey, pure and simple.and if there was one thing that they both agreed on, it was their love for hockey.

Ray was squeezing, loving the feel of Fraser throbbing cock in his sweaty palm, while Fraser was rubbing Ray, massaging his trapped cock intensity through his jeans. and a swirling was growing in his balls - shooting like tiny spikes of - Ray was going to. with that mouth taking him away on a fiery rush of euphoria, it was just about to peak when Fraser's free hand began his roll of Ray's nipples again then, followed by his tongue licking fiery-

"Frase, Frase," he sounded desperate, pathetic, " So good, Ben - I'm gonna come, gonna come, gonna come," he couldn't stop repeating the words, cause he was, but then Fraser's hand left his body and he felt them at the waist of his jeans instead, just like before except this time-

Fraser's hand ripped at his jeans, popping the buttons of his fly, tearing open the sides of his jeans so his grey boxers where exposed now. His cock throbbed in relief from the release of pressure, then throbbed as his boxers followed, Fraser pulling them down along with his jeans so they rested on the curve of his ass.

A moan tumbled from Rays mouth, as his penis jutted from its trap finally, rising stiff "Frase. Frase, aghhh." He tore his mouth away deliriously, as the warmth of Fraser's hand closed tight, and fucking perfect around him.

Ray's head lolled back; Fraser was touching his cock.

He groaned helplessly, his hands sliding to grip firm muscle, unable to do anything except squeeze, hard, helplessly from the pleasure he was receiving. marveling in.

Fraser was speaking breathlessly, but it was nothing more then a rush of background noise in Ray's rushing ears. Like that damn shell was stuck in Ray's ear now, fucking. wonderful, Fraser. The felling of Fraser gripping Rays throbbing cock, gripping then stroking - was all there was- stroking with a pull that almost pulled Ray over.

Ray craned over and grasped Fraser shoulder blindly, pulling at him into the crush of his shuddering body; sobbing, he desperately bit into the skin that he found under his panting mouth, leaving his mark on his newly discovered lover. Lover.

Gonna burst, he probably woulda bust just from a breath, though Fraser's second stroke was better then anything he ever coulda imagined at the moment. at anytime.ever, and what did that tell you about Rays sanity, a hell of a lot. What did this night prove about Ray's insanity. there was no turning back.

That's all it took then, tight and fast, slicked as Fraser's thumb rubbed right-under his reddened cock head. His penis exploded, throbbing with each spurt of his release, pulsing out what felt like years of waiting, all over Fraser's crumpled form. and crumpled undershirt.

Then there was nothing; nothing was left but the light show shimmering behind his eyelids, immediately followed by the intensity that blacked out the world . greatness. Absolutely nothing left apart from the all-encompassing pleasure of Ray's release, and the knowledge, the bone deep satisfaction that Fraser had caused it. that fucking craved for pleasure.

When Ray came back to reality, he realized that he was slumped in Fraser's arms. Fraser's body was curled forward, the most he could manage with Ray sitting on his thighs; cradling Ray's limp body and absently stroking Ray where ever he could reach.

Ray sighed in satiation and pleasure, and then realized finally why all he could see of Fraser was the back of his head. Fraser had ducked when Ray had grabbed at him uncontrollably . Fraser's mouth was gasping against Ray's bare chest. They where pressed together. Fraser looking down.

Ray shuddered one last time, Fraser had watched!

And Jesus, Merry, and Joseph - Ray had to see that for himself, Fraser come, long and hard.

" Frase, Ben." Ray whispered, he didn't know which one to settle on, it seemed so wrong calling Fraser anything but, Fraser, obviously - yet a part of him, a large part wanted the Ben. needed the Ben. and didn't he just get Ben?

Isn't that who just jerked him, kissed him before, and was now cradling him and touching him softly.

But then on the other hand, . weren't they drunk?

Ray didn't feel very drunk anymore, and he couldn't imagine Fraser's, 4 and a half beers where doing too much at the moment..

Yeah, Ray had thought that as well, but if you've never drank like a normal human being in your adult life. then one makes you giddy, two makes you tipsy, and by the forth your belting out tavern songs like a Mic on Saint Patty's Day.

And Fraser was still a big guy, bigger than Ray, and fuller, broader, and muscular in that natural smooth, kinda fucking hot-

Well, your body adjusted pretty quickly as well, when you'd just finished off a honking slab a moose steak and all the fixings to go along with it. Ray was going somewhere with this. which he knew ended up with, `Good morning,' and which name he should place after it. but that was for the morning.

And right now, as the full moon was out, as every dog in their whole team had been howling like the possessed earlier today, there was an itch to scratch and Ray had just been waiting for his skin to peal away and reveal the animal that had been waiting for this moment. Fraser. Just Fraser and no one but Ray.

Ray pulled back and got a good look of his partner: blurry red lips, and wildly messed hair, and eyes, eyes like a wolf. Ray sealed his mouth over Fraser's and swallowed his tongue, tongue fucking him good. So good, Fraser had been so good to him, had worked him up, then got him off. and now it was his turn.

Ray tore his mouth away, literally, because Fraser had his fingers dug deep in his hair holding him to his mouth, but he needed to-

"Ben, I wanna. taste you."

Ray's honey, dark blonde lashes batted, shielding his smoky gaze; Ray's eyes where so full of feeling that Fraser couldn't look away. Ray wanted to. to.

"Taste, what?" Fraser asked numbly, he felt stunned, in shock his whole body was pulsing with almost painful spikes of arousal, and for the first time in his highly regimented life, his mind had decided to cease from functioning, fully.

The image of Ray's flushed penis, ejaculating hot and heavy, smelling strongly of bittersweet masculinity, was forever scalded into his almost photographic memory.

Ray would be forever cherished. Ray who had become everything to Fraser. Fraser had gone crazy.

No longer could he ignore his reactions to his partner, his thoughts, and cravings. Fraser could no longer ignore his emotions.

That's all there was at the moment. that and Ray, of course.

"Your. your, cock."

Ray froze as he said the words, his mouth stuck on the shape that his kiss reddened lips would have to form, to pronounce the `co' in. cock.

A shudder rattled through Fraser; he couldn't contain the deep animalistic moan that fled his throat like his impending release bagged from his engorged penis.

"Yesss, yes, Ray, Oh, please-" he was desperate, he was begging, he couldn't believe that this was happening, like a dream, a dream.

Ray was a dream, a sweet not so distant dream.

Fraser never remembered his dreams, though he suddenly didn't care anymore. this was becoming enough.

Enough to make up for a lifetime of darkness. Ever since he was a young boy and had moved to live with his Grandparents, that's when his dreams had turned blank, black. though that was also after the death of his mother.

He could always recall the precise feeling that would over come him, as that last crack of light would disappear, leaving him to shiver in the darkness of his current room, in the current town he was in at the time...

His room was never the same from town to town, but his pillow was all his. His mother had made is for him. Every night his grandparents would close the door to his small empty room, like a looming shadow waiting to pounce - to a young child. That was how he remembered his dreams. They where always dark: blind falling through a well of images that where never revealed to him. He knew consciously when he was an older man the feeling was emotionally linked to his mother, but there must have been others.

The trauma of his childhood blanking out the endless possibilities that his inventive mind might have weaved and sewn during REM. Perhaps an escape, for a young lonely boy, or a fantasy, for a repressed longing man. This is what Benton Fraser was robbed off; this is what he could have only imagined. dreamt.

Fraser was kissing Ray again; sucking on Rays tongue like he wants to be sucked on. tasted, oh yes, for Ray to taste, his. cock.

Fraser needs that, now that there here, he never anticipated this turn in their fevered love making, that Ray would offer to do such a longer for. that Ray would be willing. Fraser had only been touched in such a craved for - Raw - urgent summoning force, once before. Fraser had wanted to be sucked, blown, as it was perfunctorily called, ever since his imploring mind had yielded to the understanding of the meaning to a mans life. To understand that a man's drive for pleasure was far more powerful than a man's self-control. When he had finally been gifted with that craved for soft seal of lips, and hot spark of tongue to twine and suckle him towards his yearned for release, the act, had become a painful spike of a thought in his mind. The image, damaging, the pleasure putrid, the women.

So many questions had followed every action surrounding his one and only coupling. his one and only. lover. Why had she touched him, why had she pretended such passion, such love so real. so real.

No.

No he didn't want to remember, he wished she had frozen before he found- he wished he had been in Chicago. with, Ray.

Ray was grasping at him passionately, caressing his body roughly, powerfully, the strength of a man showing him what he had been so blindly waiting for.

Fraser was lost, so lost, wildly running his hands from hair, head, back, chest - every where he could touch, everything, he wanted.. everything, from-

"Ray!" he gasped as he tore his mouth away, "please. please, Ray." He begged, as his forehead rested against Rays, the heat between them a burning aura that tingled over the over sensitized organ of his skin.

Ray was gasping roughly against the curve of his cheek, which then turned to kissing, uncoordinated, tender kisses, as Fraser pleaded, "please." His voice was faint; his last faltering desperate tone must have been the push, the deciding factor for Ray, he could only guess.

"Okay, okay, okay, sorry - Jesus," Ray cursed when his hand touched Fraser finally.

Hard, Fraser was so hard, too hard; he groaned deep and raw, then opened his eyes to Ray devouring him, looking as lost as him again, looking like Fraser felt. It was like a circle, catching them within it spinning walls, a precise cycle, that fused to from their passions into one burning quasar. Made of two. making them into one.

"You want me." Ray asked - no said. Ray was still and absorbing Fraser's unrefined gaze like a flower to the sun. though Ray was his light, his heart - his chance for. hope. That had finally become clear and he. wasn't intoxicated from the alcohol anymore, it had bombarded his senses mere hours ago. now he was intoxicated on Ray, or maybe had always been.

"Yes." He whispered, it was all he could offer, because he had waited, had already shown Ray that he wanted him. Had made love to Rays body, tasted his flat delightful nipples, had bit at his golden languid skin, there where red blemished framing the sharp jut of his collarbone, the small nips that Fraser had left behind.

Feeling like falling, his bones already liquefying, Fraser leaned forward and latched onto that skin, the red marks like a marker and his mouth making Ray his, sucking, scraping. Ray's hand squeezing his shimmering organ and pulling-

Fraser gasped and sucked, that touch felt so good, Ray skin tasted so good, he couldn't stop sucking as Ray sped up, his thinner finger cradling and rubbing, smoothing the uncontrollable amount of pre ejaculate squirting for from his engorged penis head.

Pulling away with a deep suck, Fraser was almost sobbing, " Rayy, Ray, plea., god, I need you!" he groaned loudly, " Ray!" Fraser was getting angry! Aroused and angry, Ray was teasing him and he was so desperate, that thumb pressing under his glands, pulling back his foreskin, and then rubbing it forward over his drooling tip, rubbing in all his wetness, it wasn't enough - not enough, to damn light and fleeting, and fucking, teasing, fuck.

"Ray! Fuck!" he yelled, and Ray's eyes snapped up to his face. It appeared Ray's eyes had been glued to his cock, and Fraser quivering thighs, Ray was obviously enjoying himself but Fraser was dying, pleading, getting tortured and needing, needing. that mouth, Ray's lips, and tongue.

Ray looked startled and shocked, and Fraser was more enraged at his partner then he had ever been on their entire quest, "Ray what do you think your doing!" he managed, the entire string of words some how coming out audible, every word some how yelled separately.

"I'm." Ray stumbled out and Fraser grabbed Ray powerfully in his arms, holding him in a constricting grasp, then grabbing hold of Ray's head gentler, growling as he spoke, " Crazy, I can't stand it, Ray, you need -

Fraser couldn't leave Ray's mouth alone, even then, needing it to show his desperate longing. Slipping his tongue into Ray's mouth, shuddering all over, Fraser drew Rays tongue out, sliding and twining them together in the small space between their lips, sucking at Ray, trying to show what he need so bad.

Breaking the cover of Ray's mouth and the suction of Ray's tongue Fraser began to urge, again, " I need you to suck me, please Ray, please, suck my." Ray froze in front of Fraser, Fraser's words like a off switch, his face still shocked and now, as Fraser was almost saying, Ray's eyes were on fire, burning, flaming and Fraser cock was twitching, "cock, suck my cock, Ray. Ray." Fraser was whimpering now, pleading into the face of his partner, wondering when he lost his mind, "Ray-

"Ben, Christ, Jesus fucking, Chris!" his voice was more of a curse then the words, then Ray was moving scrabbling, pulling his almost nude body off Fraser's thighs, and kneeling beside Fraser so he could undress.

Ray's hands stopped as they moved in one direction then went the other, towards Fraser's boots. Grabbing at the unlaced bulk of them, Ray hauled each one off, one at time roughly tossing them haphazardly against the closed blinds and curtains, hearing the crunch-ruffle of the blinds as the boots battered against them. Then Ray was tugging at Fraser's jeans, peeling them off Fraser like they where on Fire, Fraser was helping the best he could, but it was finally happening and he couldn't stopping gasping with his every movement, his penis so ready.

Ray was done and kneeling next to Fraser's chest stripping the remainder of his plaid shit, Rays mouth tasting his lips, sucking at them and biting, licking, and then pulling away as Fraser's undershirt was finally discarded leaving Fraser, naked, and Ray.

Ray shimmied out of jeans, and then was between Fraser legs. Fraser allowed his thighs to relax, parting to make room so his partner could lie there or - Fraser let out a surprised moan when his one thigh was grasped hard in Ray grip then pulled to the side further, exposing Fraser's penis; spread eagle. if he recalled the proper vernacular.

Ray was lying along Fraser's side, beautifully nude, his flesh like a golden mirror to Fraser's cream, his blonde haired body magnificently contrasting to Fraser darkly shaded own, they where like day and night. Ray was playing with his nipples with the one hand; light almost experimental caresses Ray's eyes tracking his own motions acutely, then he looked up at Fraser flushed and questioning as his other hand cradled Fraser testicles. Fraser's avid stare caught Ray's, asking.

Ray paused, hesitated for one breath before he spoke, " I've never done this before."

Fraser's mind was fighting the thoughts that he was trying to conjure up - then Ray grasped his member moving his head so it was positioned over Fraser groin. Fraser waited, watching aptly as Ray idly began to stroke his cock again; was he supposed to have an answer, or words or.

Ray's gaze held Fraser's just as he began his decent, looking determined, an idiom that so aptly described Ray. then he was doing it, Ray was doing it, his head moving downwards, his mouth opening wide, then wider, and his tongue.

His breath seeming as though it was coming in great heaves, Fraser watched mesmerized, absorbed, his thoughts in complete disbelief, as Ray's tongue finally, stole out, and then was sampling him, tasting... just like Ray said.

Fraser groaned, his hands reaching out wildly, one taking hold of Rays shoulder and the other coming to rest on the adorned nape of Ray's neck, Fraser loved Ray's neck. Fraser loved Ray.

"Oh, Ray." Fraser crooned softly, followed by a litany of moans after those gasped words - floating forth from Fraser lips like Ray's tender wet caress, although he was so close, his testicles had began to lift and he was almost going to...

Ray's tongue began to coat Fraser's penis thoroughly, licking and smoothing and almost swallowing, almost. Fraser's thighs where quivering uncontrollably, his hands squeezing Ray's skin where he held on, then unexpectedly Ray's other hand that was holding onto the base of Fraser's cock tightened, then Ray's mouth was there, right there, finally.

The tip to Fraser's cock was throbbing, aching under the pressure of Ray's final lick, as Ray slowly, and finally, began to swallow Fraser inch, by excruciating inch. Fraser attempted to thrust but failed, only managing to buck shallowly as Ray's arm had his one leg pinned and off balance; Fraser could only moan helplessly, the word, "Ray" as his choice form of complaint - or expression of pleasure.

"Yes, oh Ray, Ray." Ray's movement had finally stilled, Fraser's cock the furthest he could fit it into his mouth, and that was blessedly deep, and sweet, and wide, a large mans mouth holding him in tight. Fraser felt as though he could cry, this moment so craved for, the connection even more. and now he had it - with Ray. Ray mouth, that cocky quicksilver tongue resting against his cock, buried deep, and instantly Fraser was bombarded by the image of Ray, a sucker in hand, his candy shinned lips, how Fraser had reacted to that sight at the time and now.

The first slow, tight suck of Ray's mouth caused Fraser to convulse; he felt that tight suction like electricity throughout his tensed body, his nipples sparking in the wake of that shimmered sensation. His one hand spasmodically gripped Ray's shoulder tight enough to bruise, and his head was flopping against the pillow, rolling from side to side; better than anything, his mind stated. Yes, better than any pleasure Fraser could have expected, the wait was more torturous, and the experience was already so marked by sexual desire that he wondered why he had waited so long in naivety, when he could have already been having this pleasure, with Ray.

The building sensation was sweeping him away, like the last souring note in a classical masterpiece, Mozart: his Don Giovanni, Berganzam or the raw almost palpably emotional works of Tchaikovsky Fraser had marveled over as a child, this was like art. A movement of the naked emotions that were welled, simmering under the strictly enforced walls of Fraser's barriers, and they finally broke, shattering his restrictions and poring with a thick rich, veracity flowing through his body, stealing away the struggle that kept him so distant from the rest of world.

"Rayyy-

Fraser garbled out long almost painfully, his feelings for Ray saccharinely pulsing in the beat of his heart. Ray's head bobbed, deep and tight one last time, a swipe of tongue running right under the head of his over sensitized organ, then a symphony erupted and Ray's mouth was the only sensation Fraser could register around the wild throbbing, pulsing spray of Fraser penis spurting onto Ray's tongue.

Pure beauty.

"Ray, love. love." Fraser breathlessly panted, he couldn't attempt any more because his body disappeared, and became nothing.

Fraser would never forget this, his mind dug up definitively as it drifted around the room.

Never.

Like he was caught in limbo, Fraser waited for his mind to return, and enjoyed its departure.. like going crazy.

Maybe he had, and this was the ending he wondered. because he just had gone. yes, it was final, Ray had driven him over the edge, loony, if anyone could, it would have to be this infuriating man. Stanley Raymond Kowalski. his Ray.

Then again there was also the chance he entertained, that perhaps. this it what it feels like to be sane - whole for the first in. ever, never.. Yes definitely, that must be it.

His mind began to sharpen, and world was solid once again.

Fraser's eyes opened to movement, Ray was struggling and moving and Fraser mind prompted him into movement, reminding him that Ray couldn't leave because that would be bad. or couldn't leave the bed permanently.

They're where two beds in the room, but tonight Ray was his, now that Fraser had decided. Yes, now that Fraser had decided he didn't see a reason why there would ever be need for Ray to leave his side again. because Fraser finally got. something.

Is this my happily ever after? Fraser wondered, plucking a line from one of the many beloved stories of adventures from his childhood, his mind still floating into unexpected, and entirely pleasant directions . But as his eyes where barely opening, that pleasant seemed like his new living axiom, as the immediate image hit. Almost as unbelievable as those yearned for adventures, or the past reality of a new found partnership amongst the chaos of a living maritime battle.

"Fuck, ya, ya, ya," Ray was chanting and Fraser just watched. As Ray's hand stripped his cock ruthlessly, as Ray's face scrunched, the pleasure etched into the deep lines in Ray's weathered face, beautiful. And then finally, almost painfully - because Fraser found that he was holding his breathe - as Ray's cock erupted for second time this night, his semen spurting creamy and hot, landing on Fraser thigh and a small dollop on his chest,

"Ray?" Fraser croaked startled, his heart was beating again hurriedly, but his body was so relaxed that all he could do was hold Ray where he collapsed after one last moan on top of Fraser, between his legs.

J

Ray was as limp as Fraser was, a dead weight on him, even as he was still panting slightly. Ray stayed where he was, though Fraser was slowly beginning to find himself at a loss; anxiously, yet utterly exhausted, Fraser held Ray waiting, wondering what would happen next.

Well, not a lot it appeared.

Finally after a while, feeling so relaxed that he had to fight the sleep that was threatening around every corner; Fraser didn't want to slip off into sleep, he didn't want to miss a second of holding Ray. hugging Ray. he tried to focus, and what else was there for him to dedicate his attention too, what else would there be that he would want to? Nothing, but Ray.

Ray was breathing shallowly into Fraser's chest, but still awake Fraser could tell, Ray's breathing was still too active, his breath scorching the skin of his chest with every exhale. Ray was hot against Fraser's body, and naked, they where both naked, a fact which Fraser honestly, loved.received almost as much satisfaction out of as their previous activities.

Well. perhaps not, because he could never remember receiving such a staggering degree of satisfaction out of anything. really. Ray's skin was so smooth where it touched his, and Ray's tattoo looked so radiant against his pale arm, Fraser regretted not tasting the stained patch of skin. yes.

Fraser was drifting off again.

After some subtle thought, Fraser settled with his sleepy hand rubbing Ray's back, like Fraser had remembered his mothers comforting caress, one of his more clear memories of her. Fraser loved the feeling of touching Ray (a fact which marveled him), so gently, soothing, it had the same effect on Fraser. Ray's breathing had finally evened out and he sighed in definite satisfaction, contentment that he had only dreamt off, it felt almost too good being held by. Ben. He never wanted to move. They where both silent, Fraser's hand the only sensation edging into Ray's perfect world, he turned his head to the side and could feel Fraser's heart beating against his face, he wished he could shed the beard so he could feel Fraser's smooth skin on his face, but that would come later.

No, He wouldn't think of that right now, that he decided, clearing his thoughts of any. any, bad, what next? Is this real? Type bullshit that he couldn't even fathom at the moment because he was going to sleep, Not, alone, for once. and that wasn't going to change in the next, moments. of, sleep, good.

"Goodnight, Ben."

Fraser smiled sleepily, his eyes drooping, Ray's words like the perfect lullaby to end his night. Well, he guessed there was only one last thing to be said, Fraser's body already slipping the way of Ray's.

"Goodnight, Ray"

Fraser echoed and let the night take him away into the perfect dream, because this one, he would never forget.

The End