Benny & Ray 64 Forgiveness Dee Gilles Rated PG

I sped through the empty streets, blowing through light after light, looking for Frase.

Oh my God, Oh my God. What a train wreck this had turned into. But I couldn't help it. Ben tells me a juicy secret like kissing another man, and I'm supposed to keep it to myself? Well, you might as well expect the sun not to shine! I told a couple of people at work who didn't know my brother or Frase, and then I told Maria. But she shouldn't have gone off to tell Ray! Course...I didn't tell her not to tell Ray, but she should have known that right? Oh my God. This is bad.

Oh! There he is, up ahead! Ben was much further up the road than I thought he was. I had been driving for not even ten minutes. His collar was turned up, his hands were jammed in his pockets.

I had told him I'd be coming down North Damen. I didn't know exactly what little side street he had called me from, but I told him that if he just got on that street and walked north, we'd eventually run into each other.

The light in front of me was yellow, and I sped up and blew through it. I banged a U-ey in the middle of the street and brought my Civic to a screeching halt, pulling up to the curb beside him.

He yanked open the door and jumped in, panting in relief. "Thank you!" He said. "Sorry to get you up."

He looked a wreck, shivering violently. "Oh my God!" I said. I stretched an arm behind me and grabbed my old blanket from the back seat. "You poor thing! Here!" I threw it over his lap and turned up the heat. He tucked the blanket around his legs and pulled it up to his shoulders and pulled his arms in.

"Oh my God, Frase, are you okay?"

"I will be now." I saw a long shutter go through him.

"Ray's worried sick about you! He drove around and looked for you, and he's had Tony and Micky doing the same, all over town. Where have you been? If you'd hadn't shown up by tomorrow morning, Ray was gonna have an ATF issued on you."

"APB."

"Whatever."

I blew through a red light. "Look, Benton, I'm sorry. This is all my fault and I told Ray that too. Maria assumed Ray knew already, and that was the only reason she said something to him. I...uh... didn't' exactly tell her to keep it to herself. Me and my big mouth, huh?"

"You promised me you wouldn't tell."

"I-I- not exactly. I promised I wouldn't tell Ray. And I didn't!"

"You know," Ben quipped, "you're really splitting hairs there."

"Well sorry! But if you hadn't run off to Brazil--

"Ecuador."

"Whatever. -with that dude, there wouldn't be anything for me to tell, now would there?"

"Now, what the hell is that supposed to mean?" He asked me, raising his voice a little. And I don't think I'd ever heard him utter a curse word. Evidently he was pretty pissed, and so it made me a little defensive.

So I snapped at him. "Well, what I mean is, if you had a clue, you wouldn't have run off with that guy--

"Is there anybody who didn't realize that Hugh was attracted to me?"

"You know, you really hurt Ray when you decided to go to South America, did you realize that? He was devastated."

"I didn't realize I was required to have his permission to leave the country."

"No one's saying you have to have his permission. But think about it in these terms: How about if I decided to run off to...to... I don't know, Xanadu for two weeks with Craig, the guy at work that hits on me all the time? Do you think anybody's going to believe me if I say it's just a vacation, that nothing's going to happen? Ben, what were you thinking?"

"I truly didn't know."

"How could you not know?"

"Look. Francesca. I don't go around thinking people have ulterior motives, that's all."

I blew through two more lights. Ben didn't even comment that I was doing 70 in a 35 MPH zone.

We were back in my place in minutes.

VVVVVV

I served Ben a chicken salad sandwich, which he wolfed down, and a glass of milk. He belched a little and apologized profusely. I heated up some mac and cheese, which we shared. I had also heated up leftover pork friend rice and an eggroll for Ben. It was quite the hodgepodge of leftovers, but I was overdue for a grocery run, and that's all I had left.

Ben was being quiet, staring down into his plate as he ate.

I took another bite of macaroni and slowly chewed a piece of eggroll, just watching him. The color had returned to his cheeks, at least. His bottom lip was really fat. It looked like he had cut it on his teeth.

I have never seen such naked sadness on his face. Now I got that expression "long-faced". That's exactly how Ben looked; his whole face drooped. He looked pitiful.

He looked up and caught me staring at him. "What?"

"You." I said, shaking my head.

The doorbell rang, startling both of us. He looked at me with a look of dread. "Must be for you," I said.

"Him?"

"Yeah."

"Why'd you call him in the middle of the night, Francesca? He needs his rest."

"He asked me to call if I heard anything. And he believe me, he wasn't resting. You think he could sleep at a time like this?"

The doorbell went off again, rang three times.

"Better get that before he breaks the door down."

Ben sighed and closed his eyes. He stood, pushing back his chair.

Curious, and a little worried that I may have to break up a fight, I followed behind him. Ben crossed through the living room and opened the door. Ray was standing there, bundled up in a heavy winter jacket, knit cap covering his head, which was now completely bald from the chemo. His eyebrows had thinned out, too. He looked really vulnerable with almost no eyebrows, and just plain old weird.

"Hey," he said softly to Ben.

"Hi," Ben said back tentatively.

They both kind of stood there for a few seconds.

"Benny--

"Ray--

They both said at the same time.

"Com'ere," Ray said. He reached out and touched Ben's fat lip. "Did I do that? I'm sorry. I'm such a fucking animal. I hate myself sometimes."

"You hurt me," Ben said voice cracking.

"I know. I'm sorry."

My brother leaned in and gently ran his thumb over his lover's bottom lip. Neither one of them saw me hovering in the doorway, or didn't care. They only had eyes for one another.

Next, Ray did something shocking. He went down on his knees in front of Ben, and hugged him around the waist. Humbling himself.

He buried his head in Ben's stomach for a moment. "I'm sorry for hitting you. I'm sorry for calling you those bad names. Please forgive me, my love," he whispered. "I'll do anything you want me to do to put things right."

"For starters, don't ever hit me again. You hit me, and I'll leave you. I mean it, Ray."

"I won't. I swear to you, Benny. What can I do to make it up to you? I'll take anger management classes, or therapy, or whatever. I'll turn myself in to the police. You can throw the book at me, anything, Benny, anything. Please. God, Benny, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Ray began to sniffle a little. "I'm sorry, babe."

Ben bent and tugged on Ray's arms, and he came up into Ben's embrace. Ray kissed the wounded lower lip, gently, softly. And he kissed it again. And again.

They opened their mouths to one another, Ray cradling the back of his lover's head. Ben wrapped his arms around Ray's shoulders, tilted his head more, and moaned. Ray pulled Ben in closer.

Oh my God, they were gonna end up doing it right there on my living room floor if I didn't say something. I coughed.

They kept kissing.

I coughed again louder.

They slowly pulled away.

Ray looked past Ben's shoulder to where I was standing. "Ah, thanks Frannie, for calling me. I'm gonna take Benny home."

"Nonsense," I said. "It's a long drive in the middle of the night when neither of you has had any sleep. You're both staying here."

"I'm okay to drive, Frannie," Ray said.

"Bull shit. If I let you two leave and something happened to either of my mother's precious boys, I'd be disavowed forever. Take the spare room, that's what it's there for."

Ray shrugged and looked at Ben, who nodded. "Thanks," Ray said. He took Ben's hand and led him toward my guest bedroom.

"Ray!" I said.

"Yeah?'

"I'm sorry about everything. You know. I'm sorry I hurt you both."

"It's alright," he said. He released Ben, came over to me, and gave me a kiss and hug. Then he pulled gently away, and went back to his boyfriend.

He grabbed Ben by the elbow, and almost disappeared through the doorway before I called again. "Ray?"

"Yeah?" he turned expectantly.

"Don't get you get any of your...your stuff on my brand new Egyptian cotton 1000-thread-count sheets. If you do, you're buying me new ones," I warned.

He flashed me a wicked smile. "Night, Frannie," he said. He wrapped an arm around his boyfriend, pulled him through the bedroom door, and shut it firmly.

FINIS