Benny & Ray 123 Talk Dee Gilles Rated R

Benny unlocked the door to the apartment, and let us in.

He had barely looked at me on the walk upstairs, because he knew I was pretty fuckin' pissed with him right now. Following him in, I yanked the door out of his hand, slamming it and locking it.

Pearson came running up to me, barking happily, but I ignored her. My sights were focused just on Benny.

He turned and looked at me. It was a funny kind of look. Like desperation, like hope, like uncertainty. He made me feel pity for him, which pissed me off even more than I was.

I made a grab for him. I pushed him against the opposite wall so hard his head slammed against the plaster.

I got right in his face, stabbing my finger about an inch from his nose. "Listen, you! You stay away from me. You stay away from my girl, alright! Let it go, Fraser!"

Pearson began to bark at us.

"I can't do that, Ray!" Benny said.

"Why can't you?"

"Because it's not in my nature, Ray," he said pleading with me with his eyes.

"It's over, Benny! GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD! It's over!"

Benny shook his head. He was as white as a sheet. "No!"

Grabbing him by the front of his shirt, I yanked on him and then slammed him back into the wall so hard his teeth rattled. "Am I gonna have to kick your ass? Huh?"

Pearson began to growl at me.

"No!" Benny said.

"Then, knock it off!"

"I can't, Ray! I can't I can't I can't." He held his hands up to me, palms out. "You promised me forever!" The accusation was very, very clear.

We stared at each other for a long moment. Benny's eyes were so dark they looked black. His pupils were huge. He seemed so foreign to me now. And I hadn't felt that way about him since the first day I met him.

"Well, I take it back, Benny." Deliberately cruel, I picked up his left wrist. I yanked his gold wedding band from his finger; sure I had broken some skin at his knuckle with the force of it. I lobbed it across the room, and watched it roll on the hardwood floor and then disappear underneath the couch.

He made a sound then. Like he had just been punched in the gut. His face crumpled and he fell back against the wall. I took a step back, watching with satisfaction that I was finally able to get to the unflappable Benton Fraser.

I stood back and kind of watched him, curious as to what he was gonna do next.

He shook.

He suddenly punched the wall with a guttural growl. I jumped back. He began to sob and hit the wall again and again. Pearson was barking at us like crazy. Benny was punching holes in the wall.

"Jesus, Benny. Jesus Christ! Stop it!"

He drew his fist back once more to pound the wall. I lurched forward and grabbed his arm, held him back, before he broke some bones.

Benny reacted as if he had been electrocuted. He pushed me back so hard that I stumbled back and dropped right on my ass.

"What the fuck is your problem?" I yelled.

"You're my, my, my fucking problem, Ray!" He spat the word out in disgust. The number of times I had heard Benny use a curse word in nearly ten years of knowing him I could count on one hand. It sent a chill up my spine.

He climbed to his feet and came toward me, moving fast. Which scared the shit out of me. Looking back, I don't know what I thought he was gonna do to me. I just reacted without thinking, like I always do.

I came up from the floor, fueled by pure adrenaline, and launched myself at him.

We both went crashing to the floor. Benny rolled us over and scrambled to the top. Christ, he was nothing but heavy muscle. Well, fuck me!

Fear alone allowed me to slither out from underneath him. I jockeyed myself so that I pinned his knees down and threw a wild punch.

From there, the shit spun out of control We went crashing all over the room together, rolling all over the floor, crashing into furniture, smashing everything to bits while Pearson followed us around the room, nipping and barking frantically.

Now, here's the funny thing about Benny. Even in a blind rage, he still fought fair. He really wasn't trying to kick my ass so much as defend himself and restrain me. But I had lost my shit. I'm a dirty and vicious bastard when it comes to a brawl. I got in a few good sucker punches, and a few kicks before he pushed me away.

I came back for him, and he quickly retreated. I chased him to the bedroom and cornered him. Trapped, he suddenly turned on me.

He picked up a shoe and hurled it, catching me right in the eye. I did this flying leap across the room and brought him down in a tackle. Pearson was going nuts. She bit my leg and I yelled. Benny scrambled away.

I ducked as an alarm clock was hurled at my head.

Benny started spitting nails then, red-faced, cussing me up one side and down the other as he looked for more shit he could throw. If I hadn't been so piss-scared, it would have been funny. I chased him around the room and but he managed to stay out of arm reach. We circled one another.

Something dripped in my eye. Warm fluid dripped onto my lips and I realized I was bleeding from my nose and I had a cut across my eyebrow, too. I touched the blood, and looked at my bloody fingertips in disbelief. I looked back up at him.

Benny's eyes went wide, and he took a step back.

Incensed, I reached for my belt, whipped it off. I wrapped it around my hand and came toward him. "I'm gonna fuckin' kill you!" I lunged.

Benny dropped face-down in a ball on the floor. He yelled, "I can't..." He began to sob like there was no tomorrow. "I can't...I..."

I dropped the belt, suddenly tired. Just tired and wanting to die. I am a piece of shit. I know it. I collapsed on the floor beside him.

"I'm sorry, Benny! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry! Why do you do this to me? Madon'!"

Benny had immersed himself in The Ugly Cry. I started crying, too. Because I was pissed off and relieved and hurt and scared shitless. I was shakin' like I had the DT's.

I could barely understand him through his sobbing. "I didn't do anything to you! You did this to me. You're so cruel, Ray."

"And you're insensitive."

"You left me!"

"You left me way before I left you, Benny."

"I was always right here with you."

"No, you weren't Benny. After Carie was born, you replaced me."

"You're the one who wanted to have her!" he shrieked.

"For us to raise together. For me to feel a part of, Benny. But Carie was always yours, wasn't she?"

He sat up, sniffling. Mopped his face on the bottom of his shirt. "What's her name, Ray?"

"You know her name."

"Tell me."

"Carolina."

"Her whole name."

"Anna Carolina Vecchio."

"Vecchio. Yes. If I had wanted her to be just mine, then I would have named her Fraser, wouldn't I?"

"You always made me feel like I needed your permission to do stuff with her."

"You acted like you didn't want the responsibility. You pulled back."

"I pulled back because you pushed me back." I looked at him, shaking my head in frustration. Insanely, I found myself thinking `which came first, the chicken or the egg, Benny?'

Pearson whined, came over to Benny, and placed her muzzle on his thigh. He laid a gentle hand on her head.

I yanked my T-shirt off, balled it up, and mopped my bloody face. I crawled over to Benny and used the other side of the shirt to dab a cut on Benny's left cheek. I sopped up the snot leaking from his nose.

"How did we let this happen to us?" I whispered.

"I dunno, Ray," he murmured.

I looked around the bedroom that we had wrecked. I tossed the nasty shirt away. Benny was staring at me when I turned back to him.

"Are you ready to talk to me now, Ray?" Benny's eyes were large and round and liquid and it was like he was looking straight into my soul.

"Yeah, Benny. I'm ready to talk."

And we did. We talked and talked and talked until the sun rose.

FINIS