Disclaimer: dont own them, wish I did, I will put them back unharmed.hopefully.

Author's Notes: Like to thank Lisa, as always, she makes me

Story Notes:

This story is a sequel to: That Look in HIs Eyes

Victim: Benton Fraser

I am not a cop any more. I mailed my resignation today. I have been doing a lot today, today is the day I came out of the hospital....and back to a new apartment.

Frannie and Ray came and brought all my stuff.... Deif is still with Ray and his family though. I threw away all my mirrors.... I dont like the look of the man that looks back at me in them. I am tired, always tired....of life mostly I think.

I have to thank Stella for her kindness though. I used to think of her as a mean spiteful person, now I really love her, and totaly understand that that meaness and spitefulness was only directed twards Ray, and for good reason. Now dont get me wrong, when I say love I dont mean LOVE as in bells chiming and birds singing, I mean as a friend. She is the only one I would see in the hospital, and now at the apartment.

I believe Ray, I mean Vecchio, understands why I never want to see him. I put myself, him, his family, every one at the 27, and at the canadian consulate in danger by trusting him. They tell me over the phone its not my fault, but they trust my judgement in people and therefore trusted him based on my asumption that he was to be trusted.

Not only that but it is my fault that Damien had to shoot his own son, he must be going through hell right now.

I hear a knock at the door. "Hello Stella." I say as I open and shut the door.

"I heard you resinged."
News travles fast.

"yes I have, I believe the RCMP diserves better officers than me, I would be waisting their time. Do you want some tea?"
She sits while observing my every move, my every expression.

"yes I would like some tea, and no the RCMP would not be waisting their time with you. You know one mistake in judgement dosent mean the end of a career." I put the water to boil and watch the stove and try not to look into stella's eyes.

"That is true.....but my lapse in judgement........he raped me Stella, you think I could go back to work and know that they know that I was weak and allowed that to happen to myself?"

She looks down at the table and I know she is choosing her words very carefully. I am very lucky to have friend like her, she knows what I have been through and she dosent waterdown the truth with me. I feel comfortable enough with her that even I can tell her God's honest truth.

"you were raped, which means you didnt allow that to happen to you. they would look at you and feel simpathy for what happened to you."

"I am a police officer, I dont want them to feel sympathy for me. soon enough I'll hear 'Dont worry Fraser, we can take care of the big problems, you just sit and dont worry, the REAL police can take care of this.'"

I poured her tea and sat down across from her. She looked at me as though I told her I accedently ran over the puppy that she just got for christmas, well hypotheticaly speaking of corse. "I dont want pity." I restated.

"You know I was treated the same way, the other assistant DA's would tell me the case was so big and they didnt want me to over do it, and I thought it was true." "What did you do?"
"You dont survive life Fraser, you live it. what I lived through was bad and should have never happened to me, I deserve better than a husband who beats me untill I dont know who I am any more, and even though I loved him, dosent mean he deserves me. I didnt survive Ray, I lived through the experiance.....and I am that much wiser for it. I love who you are Benton, you dont have to survive this, just live through it."

I dont know what comes over me, and I hope I am not being too forward. I hug her and all the pain that I have felt for the longest time comes out, with every tear I shed I feel that much better.

We dont wake up untill early morning. I dont really remember falling asleep. We both blush when we notice the position we have slept in, both of us lying down with my arms around her. We get up, exchange plesantries, then she leaves and I dont know quite what to think. Do I really like her in that way, dose she like me like that?

I have to smile. This is the first time in what seems like forever, that I havent thought about surviving what happened to me. I think I will go to the Vecchio's for dinner tonight, I want to suprise them, show them that I am not a victim, nor did I survive what happened, I just lived my life the best way I could.

End Victim: Benton Fraser by Andrea: squeakerb03@hotmail.com

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