Author's website: http://www.tuktoyaktuk.net/innusiq/

Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine but I sure love them as if they were.

Author's Notes:

Story Notes:

Rebuild
by: Jenny Hill

Life never turned out the way one planned that was a fact. It was a point that seemed to get drilled into his more often than not and yet even though this life wasn't the one he had planned, it hadn't been a bad life either.

Fraser had his ups and downs in life, he could admit to that. He lost his mother at a very young age. His father left him to be raised by his grandparents, taking a small part in his initial upbringing and even in his limited presence, Robert Fraser seemed to have a greater influence than anyone could have known.

Fraser loved his grandparents. It would be improper to not have some sort of affection for them. They were his family after all. But in that affection could be found resentment. His childhood wasn't a normal childhood. It wasn't the same as all the other children he grew up around had. He missed his mother, the only person who was able to express love to him. He was different and that perception didn't sit well with the young boy.

Fraser was never one to complain and to be truthful, he never complained then and he wasn't complaining now. He was raised to be a good and respectful boy and in turn, man. He followed in his own father's footsteps and became a member of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police and in doing so, finally gained the pride of a father but that respect would be rocked not even five years later.

In enter a woman with a dark past and an even darker future. It was a routine track and capture, one like the many Fraser had partaken on numerous occasions. He was a Mountie and that was his job, his duty and nothing came between Fraser and his duty except for cupid's arrow, or the devil's pitchfork, either way the puncture hurt just the same but the devil had a way of digging a little deeper.

As the saying goes, the Mountie got his man or woman as the case may be and he lost his heart in the process. Perhaps it was the fact that he had never truly been in love with another person before that moment. Perhaps it was the lack of said love in his upbringing. Perhaps it was the subatomic particles bursting in the air. Whatever the reason for his misjudgment, in the end, it was simply easier to assume love than a forever of solitude. It was wrong but much easier.

And yet in the end, Fraser chose duty over happiness or what he perceived happiness could be. He turned in his charge and found himself alone again and while before, loneliness didn't seem so despairing, at that point it was a dark cloud that hung over him, never to let him forget what he had done. His father wouldn't let him forget either.

It wasn't so much the words his father said after he confessed his misconduct but more the look in his eyes. His father was disappointed and the look made Fraser feel like he was six years old again. Back when Fraser was a young boy he thought the look was his father disappointed in him but the look actually expressed his father's disappointment in himself. It wasn't until this current case that Fraser realized that fact.

And now again, Fraser was doing his duty, tracking down a criminal and bringing him to justice but this wasn't just any criminal. This man was a murderer who escaped death thirty years ago. This was the man who took his mother and his childhood away. This was the man who nearly took his best friend's life without a care in the world. This was the man his father turned a blind eye to duty for and did what any grieving, irrational, guilt-ridden man would do.

In the matter of a few days, Fraser learned that Holloway Muldoon was not only the point of contact for arms trade with Armondo Langoustini but he was also the man his father thought he had killed 30 years ago in an attempt to avenge his wife's murder. It was Fraser's turn to do what his father couldn't do thirty years ago. It was Fraser's turn to do what was right and he was successful at that but in uncovering the past and bringing out the truth, he found himself alone once again.

Fraser was sitting in a cabin with Stan Kowalski, his current partner from Chicago so technically, he wasn't alone but he couldn't shake the feeling that he was just that, utterly alone. In uncovering what had happened thirty years ago, he was able to give his father's soul rest. He lost his father for the second time in his life.

This wasn't how it was supposed to be. During the many lonely nights he spent at the Canadian consulate, imagining the day Ray returned from the assignment, Fraser never envisioned the turn of events that panned out for reality. He never expected to learn that his father had lied to him for the whole of his life and that the man he loved and respected as a father was capable of murder. He never expected to have Ray return and then almost have him taken away within the same day. He never expected to be without Ray again and yet he was.

"Hey Frase, you in there? Is everything okay?" Stan Kowalski asked as he sat heavily on the couch next to his partner.

Fraser turned to look at his friend and offered a smile that wasn't very convincing. "I am fine."

"Has anyone ever told you, you're not a good liar?"

Fraser grinned and chuckled subtly. "Yes, repeatedly."

"Then what's up? I mean we should be celebrating right now and here you sit . . . looking miserable. What gives?"

How was he to explain that he lost his mother and father a second time this week? When this journey began at the city reservoir in Chicago, all Fraser could think about was home or what he remembered home being like. He had the feeling of homesickness and he wanted to be back in his home land, his territory and now that he was here, he still felt the symptoms of homesickness and knowing that he would never speak to his father again only intensified that feeling.

He was alone again and yet he wasn't.

"It's been a long week," Fraser replied as he turned his head away from Stan and stared straight ahead.

"Yeah, it has but hey it's over and you're home. Isn't this where you wanted to be?"

"Yes it is," Fraser said somberly. "It is, indeed."

Stan frowned, knowing this man possibly as much as the true Ray Vecchio did if that was even possible. Fraser wasn't a man to mope or pout but in Stan's opinion, that is exactly what Fraser was doing. The gesture was confusing for he remember the look on Fraser's face upon their landing in the ice fields. It was a look of pure happiness, almost verging on euphoria. Fraser had been returned to the home he was exiled from more than three years earlier. It was a look Stan had never seen before on the Mountie's face and he was quite certain he would never see that look again.

"Is it that we are returning to Chicago?" Stan asked, assuming that was the reason for Fraser's mood. "We are only going back for the trial and what not. Once that is settled and we make sure Muldoon is put away for the rest of his life, then we can head back up here and go on the adventure we discussed. That won't be so bad now, will it?"

The adventure, a journey of rediscovery for Stan, and Fraser was going along if only to make sure the man didn't die out in the environment he wasn't raised to survive in.

"No, Ray, I am looking forward to returning to Chicago. There are a few things I have to settle that I didn't get a chance to in our expeditious departure."

Stan nodded his head in understanding. "Ray?"

"Yes, Ray," Fraser confirmed.

Stan frowned again. He wondered if after returning to Chicago and after the trial and after Fraser made his peace with his partner and best friend, would Fraser want to return to the Territories as planned. It seemed inconceivable that Fraser, who was born and raised in the North, would choose the city of Chicago over his homeland but then Stan learned early on to never assume anything about the Mountie.

The most important thing at this point was to make sure the man was happy. Fraser had done so much for him in their time spent as partners that it was the least Stan could do for him. They were friends too, maybe not best friends for those shoes had been filled long before Stan ever met the eccentric Mountie, but they were friends nonetheless and friends always made sure that friends were happy.

"What time is our plane tomorrow?" Stan asked to keep the conversation going.

"7:00 am," Fraser replied with few words, still caught up in his own thoughts.

"Ya know, everything's gonna work out."

"Pardon?" Fraser asked as he turned his much aloof attention back to Stan.

"With Vecchio, everything's gonna work out," Stan clarified, knowing Fraser was over analyzing the situation as always.

"How do you know?" Fraser asked, unable to believe Stan's declaration.

"He's your partner, no matter the distance, remember? You never gave up on him and he's never given up on you. What ever it is that is bothering you or that you think is wrong, it will be all right. Nothing can get in the way of that."

Fraser smiled, accepting Stan's words and trying as much as he could to believe them. "Thank you Ray."

Stan shrugged his shoulders. "Hey, what are friends for?"

A gust of frozen air blowing through the cabin's open door drew their attention to the pair that entered. Diefenbaker was the first to appear through the door, shaking the snow off his coat of fur before continuing any further inside. Following the wolf was Buck Frobisher, the cabin's owner and the next best thing to a father that Fraser had. The older Mountie mimicked Diefenbaker's dislodging of loose snow and then began shedding his outer layers.

Diefenbaker made a pit stop in the kitchen area for a quick lap of water before joining Fraser and Stan in front of the fire and oddly, Frobisher did the same. Although he didn't "lap" his water up, he drank it out of a glass but the actions resulted in the same outcome.

"I think the weather is letting up," Frobisher stated, joining his friend's and sharing his observation.

Stan simply stared at the crazy man. Buck Frobisher was definitely certifiable in the detective's book and there was nothing he or Fraser could say that would change his mind.

"I'm sorry but the weather isn't letting up until we get back in Chicago. It's a million below out there," Stan said, exaggerating only to make his point.

"I assure you Ray, it is definitely not a million degrees below zero. We couldn't survive at such temperatures," Fraser corrected being the Mountie Stan had come to expect even when he was stepping over the line.

"Hey, 30 below, 50 below or a million below, it's all the same, damn cold."

Frobisher and Fraser laughed at the city man.

"What?" Stan questioned in defense. "I can't help it if the temperature here being zero is a heat wave to you two."

"Ray, Ray, Ray, Ray."

"What, what, what, what?" Stan said, mocking Fraser.

"If the cold bother's you so much, why did you suggest going on an adventure through the Territories?"

"Hey, I'm not saying I can't hack the cold. I can take it just like a Mountie. All I'm saying is the truth. It's cold, no matter how you put it, it's simply cold, end of story. So the adventure, bring it on cause I'm good to go just don't tell me it's warm out when it's clearly not."

Fraser laughed to himself, keeping his mirth hidden for fear of angering Stan any more than he was. Not that the man was angry but Fraser definitely didn't want to push his luck.

"Alright Ray, I believe you."

"Good."

"I believe you too," Frobisher added. "I saw you at work out there young man and I think there might even be a little Mountie in you . . . even if you are American."

"This man is clearly delusional," Stan thought but instead said, "Thanks."

The three men sat quietly, each absorbed in their own thoughts, while the wolf looked over each one. None of them were aware of what the future held but the wolf, he had a pretty good idea. They would all figure it out in due time and for know, he would rest easy knowing they were headed due South.

They hadn't even been on the ground an hour in Chicago before all hell broke loose. When the Feds wanted something, one didn't ask how high do you want me to jump but more when do I come back down. It was as if their lives didn't exist anymore. They were the pawns in an elaborate game of chess the Feds were setting up to put Muldoon in checkmate.

Fraser wasn't even "on duty" so to speak but he ended up putting in eight full hours for the United States' judicial system that first day back and when the evening hour of 8:30pm rolled around, he was relieved they were calling it a day.

The moment Fraser pulled the GTO's door shut, Stan cranked the engine and they were off, speeding away from the devil it seemed but Fraser wasn't about to complain. All he wanted to do was go home and sleep and yet that thought brought a sobering realization. Fraser didn't have a home to go to.

"Hey, you coming home with me tonight or are you staying at the consulate?" Stan asked, almost as if knowing what Fraser was thinking.

"The consulate would be . . . " Fraser's words were cut off.

"Or I could take you to the Vecchios. I'm sure they wouldn't mind putting you up for the night."

"No, Ray, I couldn't show up unannounced. It wouldn't be polite."

"Since when did you need an invitation?"

"What are you saying?"

"Listen, all I'm saying is that you need a place to crash tonight and I don't think you will be getting a good night's sleep at the Consulate or my apartment. I love you like a brother and that means I love you enough to know you need better than a crumpled up couch."

"Ray I'm sure the couch . . . "

"Did I give you a choice?"

"But . . . "

"Am I gonna have to kick you in the head?"

"I'm quite certain that will not be unnecessary," Fraser replied, finally seeing he didn't have a choice after all.

"Good, then we are agreed," Stan said smugly.

"It would appear so . . ." Fraser's voice held an uncertainty that Stan wasn't accustomed to hearing from the Canadian.

"You trust me, don't you?"

Fraser looked over at Stan and his eyes answered the question before words could be formed in his head. It was easy for Fraser to admit that he trusted this man. He trusted both Rays with his life as he knew they both trusted him with their own.

"Yes, Ray. I trust you."

"Then you have nothing to worry about."

The GTO took a sharp turn and it was the first that Fraser realized how close they were to the Vecchio home. There were only a few blocks remaining before Stan would be pulling up in front of the family home and some how, Fraser couldn't help but feel a sense of relief washing over him. The strange feeling of homesickness was slowly ebbing away.

When Stan did pull his car up in front of the Vecchio home, reality seemed a bit unreal. It was happening and yet it wasn't happening. Fraser had spent many evenings eating dinner in this home and bonding with the family that lived with in and yet it felt like the first time all over again. He was nervous and in the same breath, anxious to get inside.

Fraser turned to Stan and smiled. "Thank you, Ray."

Stan shrugged his shoulders. "For what?" He asked, downplaying his role.

Fraser turned back and looked at house again before turning back to Stan and answering. "For bringing me where I belong."

Stan swallowed the lump that had suddenly appeared in his throat. "Yeah, well as I said, what are friends for?"

Fraser nodded. "You are my friend."

"Yeah, I know and you are mine, too," Stan confirmed and reaffirmed. "So get going," Stan motioned for Fraser to get out. "I'll pick you up tomorrow, okay?"

Fraser dreaded another round with the Feds but he truly didn't have a choice at this point. "Yes, that will be fine. Come Dief."

The order was the first word spoken to the wolf since they climbed in the car but that didn't matter. The wolf was taking in a few winks in the back seat and didn't seem to mind being ignored. Diefenbaker stood up on the back seat and yawned wide.

Fraser rolled his eyes as he climbed out of Stan's car, truly embarrassed by his wolf. He reached back into the rear of the car to pull out his pack they had retrieved earlier in the day and pulled the seat forward for Diefenbaker to exit.

Diefenbaker ignored the annoyed gesture and followed Fraser. There was a spring in the wolf's steps as they headed up the walkway. He knew what was waiting for him on the other side of the front door: pampering mammas and all the food one Arctic wolf could dream of and more.

Stan watched his friends walk up the sidewalk and waited for the front door to open. Never let it be said that he didn't take care of the Mountie. Once Fraser and Diefenbaker were whisked away into the house, Stan put his car in gear and headed for his apartment.

A bed was already being prepared for Fraser before he could get one word out. Mrs. Vecchio was passing out orders to her daughters to prepare the spare room while she took it upon herself to feed the obviously starving man. Diefenbaker sat at Fraser's feet, salivating and licking his lips for he knew the woman wouldn't neglect him either.

While Fraser waited for his meal, he was able to account for everyone except Ray and when he inquired upon his friend's whereabouts, the answer he received left him feeling a bit unsettled.

Ray was still recovering from the gunshot wound he received when he had taken another bullet for Fraser, saving his life yet again. He wasn't in the hospital any longer and as before when he was hospitalized during the first case they had worked on, Ray took it upon himself to check out far earlier than his doctors would have liked. While he wasn't cooped up in a hospital bed he was upstairs in his own bed sleeping, which was something he was doing a lot of lately, all being part of the recovery process.

Fraser, being the Mountie that he was, was being very patient with the family. He loved them like they were his own. They were the closest to family that Fraser would ever have and he cherished them dearly. So patient he was. He allowed Mrs. Vecchio to do her motherly thing and that was to pamper Diefenbaker and himself. He allowed Francesca to do her own kind of hovering and deflected any type of advance she displayed. He entertained the older Vecchio children and their many questions of where he had gone and what he did while he was gone.

Their questions were innocent and yet hard to answer truthfully. His trip to the north wasn't that of pleasure and they were far to young to hear the details of the tracking down of a murderer. He answered the questions as vague as he could and they accepted the answers simple enough. Some days Fraser wished that he was a child again, to go back to a time when all the problems in the world could be answered with the kiss on a skinned knee and a hug around a wounded heart. He could use one of those hugs now.

Once all questions and concerns were answered, Fraser retreated to the upstairs for the evening. Mrs. Vecchio escorted him up, mothering him because she could see that he needed it.

"I know things have been rough for you, Caro. Raymondo told me what happened. Very sad," she said shaking her head.

Stopping in front of Ray's bedroom door, she turned to Fraser and smiled.

"It is going to take some time to adjust, but you will see. After a good nights sleep, all will look clearer in the morning and each day after, it will get easier."

Fraser nodded his head, hearing her words and knowing they were true but still not fully believing them.

"Would you like to see him?"

"What?"

"Ray," she said, using his shortened name. "You could visit with him before you go to sleep. I'm sure he would love to see you. He has been worried so, ever since you left Chicago. I think it would put his mind at ease, seeing you in person, knowing you are alright."

"I don't want to bother him," Fraser stated, knowing that Ray needed his rest and thinking he would be nothing more than a bother.

"You could never bother him," Mrs. Vecchio scolded. "He loves you, as we all do. Now I don't want to hear another word. You go and talk to him. If you or Raymondo need anything, I'll be downstairs, okay?"

"Yes, ma'am." Fraser couldn't tell if she meant that Ray loved him in the sense that was viewed as a sin by her religion or that he loved him, simply as a friend loved another friend.

Mrs. Vecchio smiled up at the Mountie and patted his cheeks with her hands. "That's a good boy."

Before she returned to the kitchen, Mrs. Vecchio motioned for him to come closer and when he obeyed, she placed a kiss on his cheek.

"Now go," she ordered, heading down the stairs.

No sooner had she disappeared down that stairs, Fraser was joined by another that was anxious to see Ray.

Diefenbaker walked up to Ray's door and looked from it to Fraser and back again, waiting for the man to open it.

Fraser sighed heavily. He wasn't going to be let off the hook as easily as he'd like. Stepping up to the door, Fraser turned the knob and pushed it open.

Diefenbaker was squeezing through before it was opened wide enough for comfortable entrance and took a curled up position next to the bed.

Fraser was surprised to see there was a light on in the room but even in its brightness, it couldn't keep Ray awake. He was lying on his back, a position that was more than likely the most comfortable for the time being and was on top of his covers. Obviously it wasn't a planned nap for he was still dressed in his clothes but it was also not one that could be denied. It should have been a relief for Fraser, seeing Ray at such peace but he couldn't help noticing the furrow in his brow nor the slight frown on his friend's face.

And almost as if he knew he was being watched, Ray woke up.

Fraser was startled at first. It wasn't that he wasn't expecting Ray to wake up but what he wasn't expecting to see was the transition that took place as Ray surfaced from unconsciousness to a full alert state.

There have been occasions in the past when Fraser had seen Ray sleep and others when he had watched his partner wake up and as he watched Ray this time, Fraser realized this was not Ray.

The first phase was the moment his eyes opened and while sometimes this moment held a disorienting feeling over most, Ray's face was a complete blank. A mask had slipped over him, hiding who he was. Months of practice being someone he wasn't had taught him quickly to be on guard at all times, mornings being the most vulnerable time of day.

The next phase was the confused state, after he allowed himself a brief moment's thought. Fraser saw realization dawn when his eyes softened. Ray remembered he was home and not out in his own exile in the desert of Las Vegas. Ray remembered he was Raymond Vecchio and slowly he let go of Armondo Langoustini and became himself one more time.

While the transition didn't take long for Ray process through, not even a minute, it was still clearly visible for Fraser to see. When Ray finally looked over, Fraser fought every instinct that was telling him to mask his own thoughts.

"Fraser?" Ray croaked out, still a little groggy but fully aware of who and where he was.

"Hello, Ray," Fraser said, taking a few steps closer to the bed.

"What . . . are you doing . . . here," Ray asked, struggling to get to a seated position.

Fraser reached out to help Ray, supporting him when he was about to give out and arranging pillows so that he had a comfortable place to rest against. Once Ray was settled, Fraser stepped back, standing at ease.

"Ray and I have returned to Chicago at the request of the F.B.I."

"Muldoon?"

Fraser nodded his head, confirming Ray's assessment without words.

"How's that going?"

"We are making progress." Fraser's answer was short and to the point. He had spent the better part of the day working on the case and now didn't want to think about it until it was necessary.

"It's good to see you . . . I ah . . . I'm sorry about your mom," Ray stated, knowing that it wasn't enough. It was hard enough on Fraser to lose his mother at such a young again and to go through all that pain a second time wasn't fair for anyone. "No one should find something like that out the way you did."

Fraser agreed with Ray but didn't voice his opinion. "My father did what he had to do."

Ray took a moment to really look over Fraser and he could tell things were not right with his friend. "Benny, come here."

Fraser didn't move.

"Fraser," Ray said more sternly, with his hand motioning Fraser to come towards his bed and continued, "Come here." He directed Fraser to take a seat.

Fraser was hesitant at first but reluctantly gave in. He sat down on the edge of the bed and waited for Ray to continue.

"Is everything alright?"

Fraser looked up at Ray and the look in his eyes gave away the truth.

"Come one Benny, it's me, Ray, talk to me. It will make you feel better to get it all out," Ray coaxed, trying to get Fraser to open up.

"You'll think I'm crazy," Fraser said quietly.

"Too late, already think that so you've got nothing to lose, so just spill it."

Fraser opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Closing it quickly he looked away.

"We're not gonna be playing twenty questions here, so either start talking or I'm going back to bed." It was an empty threat for he had slept far too long that day.

Fraser took a deep breath before beginning. "Do you remember the bank robbers that were disguised as Santas?"

Ray was shocked by how far back this explanation was going. "Yes."

"My father has been a big influence on my life. I may not have seen him as often as a son should see his father but I knew he loved me and I knew that he knew I loved him. He was my father and I was his son. He was the last link to my family and when he died, I couldn't help but feel that I missed out on something or missed the chance to let him know how I felt.

"When I was stationed in Chicago, it was hard. I had just lost my father and then the home I knew and loved was taken away from me as punishment for doing the right thing. But I was a Mountie and I accepted my fate without complaint and carried on but that night, the night we were watching over the wheelman's son . . . " Fraser trailed off, worried Ray would finally realize he was completely off his rocker.

"Yeah?" Ray prodded; praying that Fraser wasn't going to leave it at that.

"That night, my father came to me . . . this is silly," Fraser blurted out the last statement, embarrassed for what he was admitting to. Fraser stood up and took up a slow pace back and forth.

"What? I remember," Ray said, trying to sound encouraging. Who was he to judge anyway? He too had, had a few post-mortem conversations with his own father. "What I mean is I remember you going on about him being there but I wasn't aware of the extent of the visit."

"The visits, as you say, were very real and sometimes very annoying but in a way, I had my father back in my life. He may have handed out a few pieces of advice I didn't want to hear and showed up at the most inopportune times but I had him. I had a father for the first time that was just that, a father. He was dead after all and there really weren't any cases for him to be diverted to. But this last week . . . " Fraser stopped and turned back to Ray before continuing. "I lost him."

"You lost him?"

"Yes, I helped him solve his last case or more, helped him clear his conscience."

Realization dawned. "Muldoon," Ray mumbled, cursing the day his latest undercover connection was brought to him. Ray also felt a little guilty for bringing this man into Fraser's life. Granted, had none of this happened, had he still been undercover as Armondao Langoustini, Fraser would still be believing the lie his father had told him years ago but then again, Fraser would also still have his father.

"I'm sorry," Ray apologized for lack of anything else to say.

"There's nothing for you to apologize for," Fraser said, taking a seat on Ray's bed again. "I'm just a little . . . disconcerted, that is all. I'm still adjusting to the changes in my life."

"I can't help but feel a little responsible for what happened."

"Ray, Ray, Ray, Ray . . . you had nothing to do with Muldoon killing my mother, nor my father attempting to kill Muldoon. You and I . . . we were necessary pieces of the puzzle. Neither of us could have prevented what happened." Fraser sighed heavily. "You know, before Muldoon came to town, before any of this happened, I was fishing up at the city reservoir."

A grin formed on Ray's face at the thought of Fraser trying to do the impossible and probably succeeding it, too. "Benny, you will never cease to amaze me. Did you catch anything?"

Fraser gave Ray what he could only assume was an annoyed yet amused look over the gentle tease. "Amazingly yes, but it was not what I was looking for. We found a dead body that lead us to Muldoon and eventually . . . to you."

"Pretty talkative dead guy," Ray joked.

"He was dead Ray. He couldn't talk but that is not the point, the point is I was feeling homesick at the time."

"Homesick?" Ray too had felt homesick during his time spent in Las Vegas and while he didn't have anyone to talk to, he was extremely grateful that Fraser had a friend in Stan Kowalski. Another thing Ray knew was that he was glad to finally be home and couldn't help but to think that Fraser would feel the same way once he returned to Canada.

"Very much so."

This time Ray frowned. "I see."

Fraser's brow furrowed, not understanding Ray's response. So much needed to be said, discussed between them, yet he didn't have the energy to start. How could he admit to Ray that he felt betrayed by him leaving without even a simple and proper good bye? And yet, no matter how betrayed he felt, he didn't really hold a grudge because he couldn't help but think that they were now "Even Steven," so to speak. How screwed up could he let his life become?

"Fraser!" Ray said for the third time, getting a little annoyed.

"I'm sorry, Ray, what?"

Ray could see Fraser was tired and his heart went out to him. He understood tired far more than he liked to. "You staying the night?"

"Ah, yes, your mother wouldn't take no for an answer and neither would Ray," Fraser stated, rubbing his eyes.

"Is there someplace else you'd rather be?" Ray could hear the reluctance in Fraser's voice.

"No."

"You are always welcome here, you know that. In fact, I'm a little hurt that you chose to stay at that Consulate over my own home after your apartment building burned down but we can talk about that later."

"I didn't want to be a burden," Fraser said in hopes that Ray would understand and some how he did.

"Benny, I'm not even gonna justify that statement with a response."

"I believe you just did."

"Shut up."

"As you wish."

Ray was grinning like a fool, their roller coaster conversation getting the best of him.

"What?" Fraser asked.

"Nothing," Ray said with a shrug. "I've missed this."

Fraser blushed and ducked his head. "As have I."

"So, when all this Muldoon business is over, are you heading back to Canada?"

Fraser looked directly at Ray and answered as truthful as he ever was. "I don't know."

"What, Benton Fraser, Royal Canadian Mounted Police doesn't know what he is going to do?" It was a first in Ray's books that the Mountie was indecisive.

"Is that really so hard to believe?" Fraser asked.

"Well, it's not that really but more obvious, to me at least, what you should do."

"And what would that be, in your opinion that is?" Fraser questioned, curious to Ray's thoughts.

"Well, let's break it down. First, you are Canadian and two, you were just saying that you are homesick so to me, one plus two equals return home. What's so hard about that decision? I thought Mounties were supposed to be smart."

"Ray, it isn't as easy as a simple mathematical equation."

"And why is that?"

Fraser swallowed hard. "There is a third variable."

"Hey, I'm quite certain Dief is ready to go back home, I mean look at the poor guy," Ray said, gesturing towards the floor on the other side of his bed where he could hear Diefenbaker snoring.

"While I appreciate your concern for Diefenbaker, he is not the variable I am speaking of."

"What is it then?"

Fraser remained quiet at first, trying to gain the courage to answer the question. It took longer than a minute but Ray was patient.

"It's you."

"Me?" Ray squeaked out, his eyes wide in shock.

"You are surprised?" Fraser questioned, not surprised himself. Actually he was a little surprised but it was more for not realizing Ray's importance in his life sooner.

"Well yeah, a little. I mean who am I to keep you from going home?"

"You are Ray Vecchio, my partner and best friend."

"Yeah, I know 'who' I am but that is what is keeping you from returning home? Benny, if I were you, I would run home while I had the chance," Ray said, giving Fraser advice that he thought Fraser needed to hear. He was being self-sacrificing as always when it came to Fraser's well being.

"You want me to leave Chicago?"

"Benny, what I want is for you to be happy. Other than that, everything else is just trivial."

"You want me to be happy?"

"You deserve at least that after everything you have been through. What do you want?"

"I want . . . I want to be happy too," Fraser replied, admitting to wanting something for himself. "I want you."

"What?" Ray was certain he was hearing things or that Fraser had completely lost his marbles and didn't know what he was saying. "What did you just say?"

"I believe I said that I want you."

"You want me?"

"Yes."

"Me?"

"Yes."

"You, want me?"

"I believe I have already answered that question," Fraser said, amused by Ray's reaction. He didn't know if Ray was accepting to the news but he did know he wasn't angered by it.

"Yeah but . . . you were just saying that you were homesick. I can't ask you to stay here . . . "

"While I admit to feeling homesick at the time, I thought that is what it was. Chicago didn't seem the same anymore. It was as if something was missing or I was missing something. I believed it was home at first but Ray, I've been home and while I was happy to be there, I was still missing something," Fraser explained. "Or I was missing someone."

Ray's eyes were wide with disbelief that Fraser was sitting with him and basically, in not so many words or actually more than a few words, admitting that he loved him.

"Me?"

"I have missed you more than anyone else in my life. When I first saw you at the Hotel California, I felt complete for the first time in a very long time. I don't want to feel incomplete anymore."

"I've never . . . I mean you have never expressed yourself like this before," Ray said, surprised by the words he was hearing.

"I have never had anything this important at stake as the idea of losing you."

"Ah, Benny," Ray began, unable to control the blush on his cheeks. "You could never lose me and here I thought I lost you. You have every right to be angry with me for leaving the way I did and I would understand if you never forgave me. I don't deserve to be forgiven."

Fraser reached out his right hand and touched Ray's opposite cheek. "I can forgive you because I love you. I can forgive you because what you have done doesn't even compare to what I have done in the past."

"If you say were are Even Steven . . . " Ray warned.

Fraser smirked at the thought of how well Ray knew him. In the matter of a few short years, he was able to get under Fraser's skin and know him better than any one else in Fraser's life including his own mother and father.

"Very well," Fraser said, agreeing not to mention what he had been thinking.

Ray reached up and took hold of Fraser's hand that was still stroking his face and brought it down to his lap. "Where do we go from here?"

Fraser had thought the hardest part would be admitting his feelings to Ray but it turned out that his assumption was wrong. Admitting he loved Ray was easy. It was the truth and to Fraser, admitting the truth was not a difficult task. The hardest part was moving on past the admission.

"I would be lying if I said that I knew the answer to that question," Fraser replied.

"Perhaps we can agree to sleep on this and discuss this in the morning?" Ray suggested at Fraser's yawn. "You need sleep, Benny."

Fraser was embarrassed and a little irritated with his own body, giving away his tired state. The last thing he wanted to do was leave Ray but then again, there wasn't any way he could stay with him for the night, not in his family's home.

"You are right," Fraser reluctantly agreed.

The tone in Fraser's voice had Ray grinning. "Hey, I'm not going anywhere. You go to the guestroom and get some sleep. I'll still be here in the morning, I promise."

Where else would he go?

Fraser stood up and proceeded to take his leave. He walked around the bed to where Diefenbaker was sleeping in an attempt to wake him and make the wolf accompany him to the guestroom.

"Come, Dief."

Diefenbaker lifted his head from his paws, looked up at Fraser and put his head back down.

Fraser's sigh was tinted with the sound of annoyance, a gesture Ray was accustomed to giving the Mountie at times and Ray laughed.

"It's okay, Benny. He can stay here if he likes. I don't mind."

Fraser nodded, heading towards the door. Before leaving, he turned to look back and said, "Good night, Ray."

It was early morning and no one in the house was up yet. He was trying his best to be as quiet as a church mouse as he made his way across the hall and he was pretty much successful at that. It was eerie how quiet the normally boisterous house could be when all members of the family were present but then again, it was only five in the morning and no one was due up for at least another hour or two.

When he initially got up out of bed, the wolf didn't show any sign of acknowledgement, continuing to sleep as Ray tiptoed passed him. Ray was grateful that the wolf wasn't following him. He loved the wolf but sometimes his presence wasn't entirely necessary.

Reaching the guest room door without incident, Ray turned the knob as quietly as he could and opened the door just as cautiously. He was surprised to see the Fraser was actually awake, reading but then again, this was the normal time for the Mountie's daily wake up call.

"Ray?"

Fraser was dressed for the most part, wearing a pair of worn blue jeans and a crisp, white T-shirt tucked into his jeans' waistband. The flannel shirt that would complete his wardrobe was hanging on the closet door. It was blue plaid and one that Ray had never seen before but then again, he had been absent from his friends life for nearly a year.

"Hey," Ray whispered, closing the door. "You're up early."

Fraser looked at his watch. "Perhaps for most, yes. I couldn't sleep any longer."

Ray nodded, understanding completely. "Me either, do you mind a little company?"

"No," Fraser answered, placing his book on the nightstand. "No I don't mind."

"Good."

Fraser watched as Ray walked around the bed to the side he wasn't on.

"Ya know Benny, you and I are gonna have to discuss this bed thing."

There was a confused looked on Fraser's face. "Excuse me?"

"The bed, you're on my side," Ray explained as climbed in next to Fraser. "If this is gonna work out, we are gonna have to agree on whose side is whose."

"Ray, I don't have a side."

"Good, then we are agreed that, that is my side."

"Very well," Fraser agreed, finding it silly that anyone had a side as Ray claimed but then again, he wasn't used to sleeping with another person on a regular basis. The only side he had on the small bed in his old apartment and the consulate was the middle.

Ray settled next to Fraser and both remained on their respected "sides."

"Are we going to have a discussion now," Fraser asked, looking over at Ray.

"No," Ray replied, meeting Fraser's eyes. "Right now I just want to be here, with you. We will have plenty of time to talk later but now . . . "

Fraser didn't need to hear anymore. He reclined further on the bed and moved closer to Ray. They both needed this, some quiet time alone, to just "be" together after such long time apart. Carefully, as to not hurt him, Fraser pulled Ray to him. He placed a kiss on Ray's forehead and whispered, "I love you."

"I have always loved," Ray stated a little choked up. Stroking Fraser's face he added, "I'm glad you came home."

And for the first time since arriving in Chicago, Fraser's future was finally clear to him. He was where he belonged. He no longer had that feeling of missing something. He was complete. He was home.

When one door closes, another one opens. It was the story of Fraser's life and he was beginning to think that his life was a revolving one at that. He was at another life changing moment, one door was closing, ending his working relationship with Stan Kowalski and another was opening, beginning a more personal relationship with his partner and best friend, Ray Vecchio.

Opening or closing, neither door was better than the other was and technically, they were both the same door. Ray and Stan were basically ships passing through the same porthole. Fraser would miss Stan for they had become good friends during the time Ray was undercover. It had taken them a while to get to this point but Fraser knew now, after everything they had been through, that they would be friends until the end of time.

So many people had come and gone in Fraser's life that he had lost count and though it was hard for Fraser to watch another person leave, he also knew this was a necessary step that Stan needed to take in order to reclaim his own life back. Fraser could only imagine what it was like for both Ray's, pretending to be who they were not with the lives of everyone they cared about hanging in the balance of pulling off the ultimate lie.

The GTO hit a bump and the sudden jolt brought Fraser back to the present. He looked over at Stan whom was seated behind the vehicle's steering wheel in a relaxed state. Stan always seemed relaxed when he was driving his car as much as Ray seemed relaxed behind the wheel of his Riv and Fraser wondered at that point how Ray felt about the fate of his beloved automobile.

Fraser looked back at Ray who was seated in the back seat of the GTO with Diefenbaker. Ray was looking out the window absently running his fingers through the fur on the wolf's back. No words had been spoken between the four of them since they started on their drive across town and while nothing really could be said, there was so much that needed to be.

Stan was heading out of Chicago, on that adventure he talked about a few weeks back when he and Fraser were in pursuit of Muldoon in the Canadian Territories. He was heading out on his adventure and it may not be the adventure he was thinking about when he originally brought it up with Fraser, it was an adventure nonetheless. It would be a chance for the detective to be himself and he hadn't been Stan Kowalski in a very long time.

Why is it that when one is dreading the inevitable time passed by quicker than one would like? Before Fraser could calculate time's passage, he, Ray and Diefenbaker were following Stan through the airport towards his departure gate.

Stan checked his carryon and all four of them passed through the metal detectors without incident and continued towards the waiting area. It was then that the silence was broken.

Stan turned around to face his friends and smiled sheepishly. "Ah, you guys don't have to wait. I can see myself off."

"Ray, we will wait with you. It is the least we can do after everything you have done for us," Fraser said as he placed a hand on Stan's shoulder. "What kind of friend would I be to let you wait for your plane, alone."

"Well, you don't have to because you would still be my friend if you didn't . . . but thanks," Stan said, finally accepting their company.

Stan dropped his bag on the floor and took a seat in the chair nearest his bag. Diefenbaker took this opportunity to commune with the friend he didn't know how long it would be until they saw him again.

"Hey Dief." Stan leaned forward resting his forehead on Dief's while he stroked the sides of his head. "I think I might miss you the most."

Fraser watched the exchange between his friends and smiled at the affection each had for one another. He could remember back to when they first met, Stan and Diefenbaker didn't hit it off at the start but as the days passed, man and wolf slowly bonded, much in the same manner as Ray and Diefenbaker when they first met.

A hand on his knee brought Fraser's attention to Ray who was sitting on the other side of him. Ray gave Fraser's knee a gentle squeeze and then let go. He knew this was hard for Fraser, letting another friend go and he wanted Fraser to know that he was there for him.

Fraser offered Ray a smile, letting him know everything was all right and that he was thankful for his support. Even though he had mixed emotions over Stan leaving and his decision to stay, he knew they both were making the right decisions. Stan needed to reclaim his life and Fraser needed to reclaim his own.

When Fraser turned back to Stan it was to find Stan and Diefenbaker staring right back at him. Stan had a grin on his face.

Fraser's brow rose in a question.

The gesture made Stan grin even wider. "I'm gonna miss you too."

"I will miss you too, Ray," Fraser said and yet the words really didn't express his feelings. "How long will you be gone?"

Stan shrugged, returning his attention to Diefenbaker. "I don't know . . . until I find what I'm looking for."

"What are you looking for?"

"The meaning of life," Stan replied with a laugh. "I don't know but when I do find it, I'll let you know."

"Hey, Kowalski, where you going?" Ray asked standing, taking up a pace to expel the energy building. He was still adjusting to being home and not living on the edge of what seemed like insanity.

"North," Stan replied not looking at either one of them. Diefenbaker licked his face.

"Canada?" Fraser questioned a little concerned that Stan might be getting into something way over his head.

"Yeah, What? I can't go to Canada unless with Canadian escort? I thought it was a free country too."

"It is Ray, that is not what I meant . . . "

Stan held up a hand, halting Fraser's stammering. "Hey, it's okay. I'm just going North to visit a friend . . . a mutual friend."

"Maggie." Fraser said the name with affection and understanding.

"Yeah, Maggie," Stan confirmed.

Ray stopped pacing and looked at the both of them. "Who's Maggie?"

Ray was answered by laughter from both men.

"What?"

"Maggie is my sister . . . half sister actually and it's a long story."

"I'll bet . . .sister, huh?" Ray took a seat next to Fraser again, realizing a lot more had happened while he was gone than he realized.

Fraser and Stan startled at the announcement of Stan's flight over the personal address system. It was time to say good bye.

Stan stood up and grabbed his bag. Fraser and Ray followed suit.

"I guess this is good bye," Stan said, fidgeting from foot to foot.

"For now," Fraser said.

Fraser extended his hand. "It's been a pleasure working with you, Ray Kowalski."

Stan stared at the hand a moment and then looked at Ray who simply shrugged his shoulder. Fraser could allow people to get close to him but still hold them at a distance. He wondered now if Fraser would ever let go of his protective barrier.

Ignoring the hand, Stan moved in for a hug, wrapping his arms around Fraser and patting him on the back. "It has been a pleasure working with you too."

Fraser returned the embrace almost unwillingly but quickly he let go of the typical barrier he used to protect himself from feelings he couldn't handle.

Pulling away, Stan readjusted the bag over his shoulder. "I'll call ya when I get there."

"Please do, and please give Maggie my regards."

"That I promise to do," Stan said. "Ya know, you could always come up yourself for a visit."

Fraser smiled, turning back to look at Ray and then back to Stan. "We will . . . in time, we will."

A silence passed between them that was only interrupted by the second paging of Stan's flight.

Stan stooped down to say good bye to Diefenbaker who licked his face again. "You take good care of Fraser and Vecchio, ya hear?"

Diefenbaker barked his acceptance of the order before trotting over to Ray and taking a seat by his feet.

Stan started heading for the gate but stopped and turned back to Fraser.

"Hey Frase?"

"Yes Ray?"

"You are happy, yes?"

Fraser looked back at Ray who was preoccupied with Diefenbaker and then back at Stan. "Very much so, yes."

Stan nodded. "Good, everyone deserves to be happy, ya know, even you."

"I am aware of that, thank you."

Stan smiled. "And Vecchio, take good care of my car while I'm gone."

""Will do Kowalski."

Spinning on his heel, Stan took his leave. He walked towards the gate and didn't look back.

Ray stood up and moved to Fraser 's side. "You okay?"

Fraser nodded his response, words escaping him.

Diefenbaker started to get antsy, circling around the two of them.

"You ready to go home?"

Fraser turned to Ray, a lump in his throat as he responded, "Yes Ray, I am ready to go home."

Ray wrapped an arm around Fraser's shoulder as they began their walk through the airport back to Stan's GTO.

"So, sister, eh?" Ray's voice held the emotion of pure wonder. "I look forward to hearing this story."

"You will like her Ray, very much."

"Benny, if she's anything like you, I wouldn't doubt that. You hungry?" Ray asked, looking at his watch.

"Starving," Fraser replied. Neither man had eaten that morning and seeing it was after one in the afternoon, it was fitting that they both consume at least one meal that day if anything to prevent a scolding from Mrs. Vecchio.

"Great, I know this quaint little diner . . . it may not be in the best part of town but it has excellent coffee. I found a friend there and it changed my life."

Smiling, Fraser responded, "It changed my life, too."

THE END!

End Rebuild by Innusiq: Joymakers@neo.rr.com

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