Author's website: http://www.tuktoyaktuk.net/innusiq/

Disclaimer:

Author's Notes:

Story Notes:

Better Late than Never
by: Jenny Hill

It wasn't completely silent but for the most part, the apartment was quiet. The apartment wasn't sound proof though. The sounds of the season could only be muffled by the building's less than standard walls. A variety of Christmas melodies could be heard floating down the hallway from the other tenants that shared the same floor, mixing into a medley that sounded unrehearsed and off beat.

It wasn't an unusual atmosphere, even if it would seem unusual for that part of town but it was Fraser's apartment and neighborhood. Ray wouldn't expect things to be any other way. The Mountie had this self-improving effect on people that couldn't be ignored or denied not matter how hard a person tried. Chicago was lucky in that sense. Perhaps if he stayed in the city long enough, the United States would have a little Canada on their hands.

Ray laughed at that thought. The people of this country were too hard for such a transformation but no matter, Fraser kept on trying. He wasn't implying that Fraser lived with a mission to rescue the people of the Greater Chicago area. Fraser simply lived each day as he always had, being himself, giving of himself to others that they gave back in return. Even though he was a fish out of water, the inhabitants of the hard city embraced him with open arms.

The city embraced Fraser just as Ray's own family opened their hearts and home for the displaced Mountie. Chicago wasn't his home but Chicago made a home for Fraser for however long he was forced to stay, for however long his own Country's arms remained crossed in denial of acceptance. Chicago wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth if Canada wouldn't have him.

Ray closed the door to the apartment of Chicago's adopted son and was greeted by a lonely wolf.

"Hey Dief," Ray said, giving the wolf a scratch on. "You playing hooky today or what?"

Diefenbaker grumbled, appreciating the attention he was receiving. He watched Ray as he took a quick circle of the apartment.

It was the same old, same old with the exception of a few items Ray and his family had lent Fraser in order for his own home to express a little of the Christmas spirit. In front of one of the windows, an artificial pine tree obstructed the view outside. It was decorated sparsely with ornaments and lights but seemed to fit in with the rest of the Spartan apartment. Around the other windows multi-colored lights were strung but they weren't on, the same as the tree.

"You ready?" Ray asked looking down at Diefenbaker.

The wolf popped up, ready and willing to assist Ray but still feeling a bit hesitant in betraying Fraser's trust.

"Oh, come on Dief. We've been over this a hundred times and I thought we agreed."

Diefenbaker looked Ray in the eyes with the big-eyed Mountie-Wolf look.

"Hey, I didn't forget," Ray said, producing a baggie from the right pocket of his woolen coat.

The wolf barked happily at the sight of the iced cut outs that he knew were delicious before even tasting them. It was his undoing. He couldn't deny Ray any longer.

"You are weak, you know that? But you are a wolf after my own heart."

Ray pulled one of the cookies out of the bag as a treat and promise of the reward of the rest of the cookies in the bag, waiting for him after he helped Ray.

The Santa shaped cookie was devoured on the spot and once the cookie was swallowed, the wolf went to work, sticking his head under the small bed, to be followed by the rest of his body.

"Good work," Ray praised, setting the bag of cookies on the kitchen table and heading towards the closet. "We don't have much time before Fraser gets home."

Ray began with the shelf but all he found was a hat press, a Hudson Bay blanket and a huge book that he didn't even think he could read past the first page without nodding off. He didn't even understand what the book was about from reading the title alone and figured that clued him to the fact that it wasn't a book he needed to know anything about. In short, he found nothing on the shelf or at least nothing of what he was actually looking for.

Setting his sites towards the floor, he barely began his search there when he heard the door open and Ray froze in his spot. Perhaps Fraser wouldn't notice or perhaps he wouldn't think anything about his best friend snooping around in his closet. Perhaps . . .

"Ray?"

Clearing his throat, Ray stood up and removed himself from the closet. He closed the door before responding to Fraser.

"Hey Benny, you're home early," Ray greeted, acting as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

Fraser proceeded to close the door to his apartment and simply looked at Ray.

"Benny?"

Fraser rubbed a brow and entered his apartment further but stopped when Diefenbaker popped out from under the bed. He gave the wolf a disapproving glance before turning back to Ray.

"What are you doing here?"

Ray walked away from the closet and shrugged his shoulders. "I was waiting for you."

"In the closet?" Fraser asked as he walked to that same closet to hang up his brown uniform coat.

"Well . . . ya see . . . I heard a noise."

Fraser opened the closet door and proceeded to remove his coat.

"A noise?"

"Kinda."

"What did this noise sound like?"

"I don't know, it was just a noise."

"Like a clunk?"

"No."

"A jingle?"

"No."

"A crinkle?"

"NO!" Ray exclaimed in a raised, irritated voice. "It wasn't a clunk, nor a jingle and not even a crinkle. What crinkles anyway . . . don't answer that. And it definitely wasn't a dwoosh-dwoosh or a ba-da-bing. What is it with you and noises?"

"You can tell great deal from paying close attention to sounds and noises. I thought you understood that? I was only trying to help."

"I understand that Benny but you're not. It was just a noise. Can we just leave it at that?"

Fraser pondered a moment and when he closed the door, he said, "Did it sound like a falling package maybe? More specifically a seasonally wrapped package with corresponding bow that wouldn't fit on the top shelf and was far too important to sit on the floor that it is not in there. Did it sound something like that?"

Ray glared at Fraser as he crossed his arms against his chest in false denial. "No."

Diefenbaker barked in contradiction and Ray gave the wolf his shut up if you know what's good for you look.

Fraser ignored the confirming bark and Ray's warning look.

"Good," Fraser said crossing the room towards the kitchen to heat up a kettle for tea, and coffee if Ray chose to stay. "Because it's not in there."

Ray frowned. "I'm hurt Benny. You think I was snooping for my Christmas present?"

"I never actually said that. I was simply stating a fact."

"Yeah, that I was snooping."

"You were the one in the closet," Fraser pointed out.

Ray truly didn't have an answer to that accusation because it was true. He had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar, so to speak, and knew better of trying to deny that fact. Ray looked down at Diefenbaker who was looking right back at him with pity.

"Why?" Fraser asked after setting the full kettle of water on one of the worn down stove's front burners.

"Why what?" Ray asked, taking a seat at the small table in the kitchen area of the one room apartment.

"Why were you looking for your present? Isn't the 25th early enough? I never understood Diefenbaker's need to find his . . . I still don't understand but now, I am a truly baffled by your conduct."

"Hey, I have no conduct."

Fraser joined Ray at the table.

"I didn't mean it in a bad way. Your actions are what I was referring to."

"Do you think I'm crazy?"

"No, I didn't say that. I simply don't understand."

"Okay, truth? I just wanted to see, package-size-wise, what you got me so that I know that I got you enough."

"Enough?"

"Yeah, you know, don't want to be out done."

"Out done?"

"Yeah, don't want to have bought you a measly sweater when you went out and bought me a gold watch."

"I didn't buy you a gold watch," Fraser stated matter-of-factly.

Ray grinned. "Thanks for the tip."

"Ray, you don't have to give me anything special, or anything at all. Your friendship is far more important to me than any material gift," Fraser stated in typical Fraser style.

"Oh Benny, don't give me that line of crap. You are beginning to sound like my mother. You can't even begin to tell me that you wouldn't be disappointed if I didn't get you anything for Christmas."

"It's not a line of crap as you so colorfully put it. It is the truth. Being able to spend the day with you and your family is more than enough of a gift to me."

Ray rolled his eyes. "Yeah, well you are gonna get more than just a day with my family and I don't want to hear any protests, now or later."

Fraser blushed, a little embarrassed by the fact he was experiencing the feeling of joy at the thought of receiving a present from Ray, even it if was only a sweater.

"Yes Ray," Fraser agreed, only to please him.

"Good, I'm glad we can agree upon something."

The sound of the kettle whistling pulled both men's attention to its shrill cry. Fraser stood up to attend to the screaming kettle and Ray reached into the pocket of his brown, wool coat that he was still wearing, pulling out his cell phone.

"Would you like some coffee?" Fraser asked, pulling two mugs out of his cupboard before Ray even answered.

"Yeah, you want pizza?" Ray returned the question while dialing.

Fraser turned to look at Ray and nodded, wondering how it is that they came to know each other so well. Fraser knew Ray would want a cup of coffee just as well as Ray knew pizza would be the food of choice that evening. Pushing that thought a little futher, Fraser knew how Ray liked his coffee just as well as Ray knew what kind of pizza to order. It was a familiarity that baffled him but didn't surprise him in the slightest.

This familiarity wasn't unheard of or even unexpected. They had known each other a little over two years after all. Whether it was through mutual (and not so mutual) cases or a simple ride to and from work, they had seen each other almost daily during that time, spending most of it one on one. It was quality and quantity time. They were open with one another more so than either man had been open with another before. There was no need to hide anything and in that openness, it was easy to observe and learn about one another. It was easy to allow such an invasion to occur but invasion was a bit of an overstatement. One can not invade what is freely open to them.

Fraser set the mugs on the table and taking his seat again as they waited for the pizza to be delivered. Diefenbaker joined them at the table, knowing food would be offered once it arrived. Ray looked down the wolf and grinned thinking, 'I am a sucker.' Looking back up at Fraser, he thought it again and strangely, he wouldn't change a thing in his life.

There was no other place he wanted to be and no other person he would rather be with. Ray didn't fully understand this need. All he did know was that it was a desire that was becoming more and more prevalent the more time he spent with Fraser. He was his best friend after all, wasn't it normal to want to be with him?

The house was alive with holiday preparations. It was Sunday afternoon, the last Sunday of Advent which marked the beginning of the true Christmas season in the church and his home. Ray's mother and sisters were busy in the kitchen baking cookies and tackling any last minute preparations for the big day that would follow in a few short days. In the living room, his brother-in-law Tony and his nieces and nephews were decorating the tree that he and Fraser brought home the night before. The Christmas spirit was alive and well in his home, offering a warm feeling of security and peace that no one should miss out on.

The differences between his home and Fraser's apartment were very distinct. Fraser's apartment looked barely lived in, where the Vecchio home displayed years of occupation by three generations in pictures and furniture and the presence of abundant family. Fraser's apartment was located in a section of town that Ray wouldn't even take his own nieces and nephews to, even if it was to drive through, enroute to a final destination. Where Ray's home was in a safe, family oriented neighborhood that he could allow the children to play out back and not worry about who would wonder in the yard or what the would find around the allotment. He wasn't implying that he didn't worry about them because the creeps of the world could be anywhere. Ray just worried a little less on his own turf.

They were very different residences but both were a place where Ray felt at home. One because it was his home and the other because he didn't have to pretend to fit in. He could be himself in both and be accepted as he was. It was the feeling of safety and one he prayed Fraser felt as well.

Ray looked at his watch as he made his way through the house. It was time to go round up the rest of his family. As he entered the kitchen, his mother looked up and smiled. Ray greeted his mother with a kiss on her robust cheek.

"Hey Ma, I'm gonna go meet Benny and Dief at the shelter and help out for a couple of hours. We'll be back for dinner."

"You are very thoughtful," Mrs. Vecchio said, not being able to hide the pride in her voice.

An exasperated snort escaped Francesca before she could contain it.

"What?" Ray demanded, not wanting to deal with his sister and her somewhat warped mind.

"Nothing," Francesca replied, not looking up from the bowl of batter she was mixing.

"That wasn't a nothing, that was a something, now spill it."

Francesca looked up at her sister who was giving her the "you better watch what you say because Ma is here look" from across small table in the kitchen. Did they even need words to communicate between the three of them?

"It's nothing Ray, really. I swear." Francesca wondered what the look would be for, "you know damn well what I am thinking about so why are you acting so clueless?"

Ray shook his head taking his leave. He would never understand his baby sister, no matter how much time passed.

Walking back through the living room, Ray smiled fondly over the scene of a father and his children decorating the Christmas tree. He didn't have such memories of times spent with his own father but he did have the memories of the annual decorating of the Vecchio Christmas tree with his own siblings and mother. It was always the last Sunday of Advent that was set aside for the chore. It was one of those liturgically correct things to do and his mother stuck with the tradition. It seemed forever and a day ago when he was that young and yet it seemed like it was only yesterday.

The childhood memory led Ray to wonder if Fraser had such memories from his own childhood to reflect back upon. Did the man have a childhood to remember? By the way Fraser explained his upbringing, Ray's answer would have to be no but then again, he had only really heard of the years stemming from Fraser's time spent living with his grandparents. Ray never heard much of the time before that for Fraser didn't speak of the time when his mother was alive and what his life was like then. Perhaps he didn't remember? Perhaps it had been so many years ago and being of such a young age that Fraser's memories of his mother and his life with his mother were far and few between, and that thought made Ray frown.

Ray had spent so much of his time since meeting Fraser trying to make sure he fit in that he sometimes overlooked what was missing from Fraser's life from his past. Even if he did dwell and concentrate on those missing moments, what was he to do? It wasn't as if he could give Fraser those times, moments and feelings back. All he could offer was commiserated sorrow and a loud, boisterous and possibly obnoxious family but even all that couldn't make up for his loss.

Pushing on through the living room, Ray grabbed his coat from the closet and exited the house. It was chilly but nothing like a normal winter day in Chicago. There was no snow to speak of and the brown grass was quite abundant in a arrogant mocking way. The cold and Ray didn't mesh but there was something to be said about a white Christmas no matter how much he hated the weather itself. Plus, if it snowed, it would make Fraser feel even more at home. What was a Canadian from the Northwest Territory without snow? Homesick.

He wasn't even to the bottom step of the porch when he heard the front door open behind him.

"Ray?"

Ray stopped and turned to regard his sister.

"Yeah Frannie?"

Francesca fidgeted a moment with the towel she was holding, not looking at her brother.

Ray sighed to himself as he made his way back up the steps.

"Yes?"

Francesca looked up and faintly smiled.

"It's Christmas," she said stating the obvious.

"Yes, I am quite aware that."

"I mean, you know, it's a time for family and loved ones . . . a time to share with those who are in need."

"Fran, is there a point to all this."

"I'm not stupid," Francesca said a little defensively and out of the blue.

Ray's eyes softened at hearing such a statement. Did she really believe that is what he thought about her? Crazy, yes, verging on possibly insanity at times but he never ever thought she was stupid.

"I know that. Did you think I didn't?"

Francesca shook her head, knowing Ray better than that.

"I know, Ray."

Ray's features took on a confused look. By the tone in her voice he could tell she wasn't answering his question but actually telling him something the he wasn't aware of.

"I know," Francesca repeated making eye contact.

"What do you know?"

Francesca's head cocked to one side, wondering if Ray really was clueless.

"I know about Fraser."

Ray laughed. "Yeah, well I really haven't kept him a secret now have I. Are you feeling okay?"

"No, I know, you know, I know about him, what I mean is I know about him . . . and you . . . "

"What are you talking about."

Francesca rolled her eyes in signature Vecchio style.

"You know, you . . . him . . . you 'AND' him."

Ray was looking at Francesca, his eyes and brow scrunched in confusion and then all of the sudden, the lights flicked on.

"WHAT!?!?"

"It's okay, I understand."

"WHAT!?!?" It was the only thought he could verbalize and even at that it wasn't a thought. It was the only word he could process for he wasn't processing much at all.

"Ray, it's okay, really."

"You think? Me and Benny? Him . . . Me . . . He's my best friend!"

"There is nothing wrong with being in love with your best friend."

That statement had Ray's eyes bulging out of his head.

"WHAT!?!? Love? I'm not in love with Benny!" Ray yelled louder than he had planned but he hadn't planned on such a conversation and with Francesca nonetheless.

"Yes you are."

"No, I am not," Ray repeated adamantly.

"Ray, it's me, Francesca. You can tell me. It's okay. I'm okay with it."

"You are okay with it? What are you saying? Why are you telling me this?"

Francesca shrugged her shoulders. "Because I thought you weren't saying anything because you didn't want to hurt my feelings and possibly because you thought we wouldn't understand."

"No, I wasn't saying anything because there was nothing to say. What planet are you on." Ray's heart was pounding at a rampant pace and he wasn't sure if it was because of what he was being accused of or that his sister was hitting a sore subject he hadn't been aware of before.

"Ray, there is no need to get defensive here."

"No need? My sister is accusing me of being in love with my best friend, my male best friend and you think there is no need for me to get defensive. Again I ask, what planet are you on?"

"Ray . . ."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you think this? How did you come to this conclusion."

"That you love Fraser?"

"Yes."

"You do more for Fraser on purpose than most men do for their own wives by accident. You take care of him because you know he needs it. You know he won't ask for anything and you know what he needs and give it to him for that fact alone. You brought him home to us. You gave your family to him. Who else would you do all this for."

Ray was stunned silent. Any anger he was harboring dissipated before he realized it was gone and he was left vulnerable to the truth. What freaked him out the most was that this new realization didn't scare him in the slightest. His world had been shifted off its axis and yet it was still spinning, just in a different direction.

"I . . . I . . . I didn't know . . ."

Francesca grinned. "I see that now."

There was nothing left for him to say. He was due at the shelter within the hour and now he had to deal with the fact that he has been in love with his best friend without even knowing it.

"What are you gonna do?" Francesca asked.

Ray's mouth opened and closed without speaking a word. He didn't know what he was going to do or if there was anything to do or even if he was ready to do anything. Fraser's friendship meant the world to him and he would do nothing to jeopardize that bond. He wanted to scream at the top of his lungs that he was in love and at the same time he wanted to hide the truth away, not out of shame but more protection from the world's thoughts and beliefs.

"Ray?"

"Nothing," he finally responded, having made up his mind.

"Excuse me."

"Frannie, just leave it. I'm not saying anything to anyone about this, least of all Fraser. He doesn't need to know."

"Don't you think he should be the judge of that?"

"No, I am the judge. As you pointed out, I take care of him and I think by now I know what would be best for him, and it is best for him that he not know about this."

"Is it that it is best for him or is it best for you?"

Ray glared at his sister in a warning. "Don't say a word."

Francesca silently nodded against her better judgement, turning to go back inside. She would keep his secret for now.

Ray watched after his sister as she entered the house and a chill ran down his spine. It wasn't cold out but he felt numb. Why didn't he see this sooner? It was three days before Christmas Eve and he had to figure out a way to get through them to guarantee a perfect holiday for Fraser. After that, he would deal with the consequences of loving his best friend. As always, Ray would take care of Fraser first and worry about himself later.

The hour was late on Christmas Eve and the house had finally settled down into silence. The family had attended Midnight Mass as was a Vecchio tradition and upon their return home, the children were rounded up and put to bed. After all, Santa couldn't come while they were awake now, could he?

When the children were tucked in bed and their parents were fairly certain that all were sleeping, Diefenbaker was put on guard duty as the rest of the family began pulling their gifts out of their respective hiding places and dragging them downstairs for placement around the tree.

Once the presents were arranged and the stockings stuffed, everyone took a step back to admire the scene before them. It was all worth it. The weeks of running around and battling out the other shoppers was all worth it in the end and in the morning, the looks on the children's faces as they open their gifts would be even more proof of that fact. No matter the complaints it was all worth it.

"Merry Christmas everyone," Mrs. Vecchio announced as she went down the line of her family, kissing them on the cheek and embracing them with a mother's love.

"Merry Christmas Ma," Maria said, returning the hug and kissing her mother's cheek.

Tony, Francesca and Ray followed suit as their mother greeted the special day with them. The line ended with Fraser.

"Merry Christmas Benton," Mrs. Vecchio said, kissing his cheek and giving him a hug, just like the rest of her children.

Fraser returned the hug, appreciating her kindness in accepting him into her family.

"Merry Christmas Mrs. Vecchio."

She gave Fraser an extra squeeze before letting him go.

"Now, I think we all should get to sleep. The children will probably have us up before the sunrise."

Mrs. Vecchio took her leave and Tony, Maria and Francesca followed suit. It was after three and if they were lucky the kids would let them sleep at least until seven but Ray wouldn't bet the Riv on it. All it took was one set of feet pattering on the floor to wake the rest of the bunch up.

"You ready?" Ray asked, as he began turning the lights out in the living room.

Fraser wasn't paying attention to Ray. Instead, he was staring at the tree, ornately decorated with its varied array of old fashioned glass ornaments to the children's school projects and the more modern ornaments of the current times. It was the most beautiful sight he'd seen since last Christmas and it always seemed to take his breath away.

"Benny?" Ray said as he stood next to Fraser, realizing he was being ignored.

"Hm?"

"You ready for bed?"

"In a minute. I think I'll just stay down here for a moment."

Ray looked at Fraser and seeing the smile on his friend's face made him smile too. It seems it was his life's goal to make sure Fraser was happy and he had accomplished that yet again this night.

"Okay, I'll see you upstairs in a few."

Fraser nodded not taking his eyes off the tree.

Ray's grin grew. It truly did make him happy to see and know that Fraser was so happy. Smile disappearing, Ray left Fraser to his admiration and headed up the stairs.

He had been doing a great job in keeping his feelings in check over the last few days and he could see the light at the end of the tunnel now. One more day of pure suffocation and then, and then what? Total admission? Full denial? Perhaps he could make it to the New Year before that decision was made and then perhaps he could push himself even farther after that.

Ray pulled down the covers of his bed and shivered at the breeze the movement made. He should have just changed into what he was planning on wearing in the morning but instead he chose a pair of flannel pajamas for warmth and comfort. The temperature had dropped tremendously since the afternoon and the weathermen were predicting a significant amount of snowfall by the morning. It was probably the most perfect time for the change because it meant they would have a white Christmas after all.

Walking over to the window, Ray peeked out to see what was going on. It had began snowing shortly after leaving church, nothing to truly speak about but the precipitation had picked up since their arrival at home and now the ground was beginning to be covered. The yard hadn't been blanketed by the abundant white flakes yet but it would be by morning which was only in a few short hours.

Ray looked over at the clock and seeing it was nearing 4 a.m., he felt it was time to round up Fraser if he was even going to make it through the entire day tomorrow. Ray headed back downstairs to find him.

"Benny?"

There was no response and there was no one to be seen in the living room.

"Benny?" Ray searched the kitchen and dining room and found no Fraser.

"Where the . . . " Ray trailed off his words when he looked out the window at the falling flakes. He knew exactly where Fraser would be.

Heading towards the front door, Ray grabbed his coat, shucking it on hastily and tapped Diefenbaker's rear with his foot to move him from in front of the door.

"You let him go out there alone?"

Diefenbaker's only response was to move into the living room where it was warmer.

Ray shook his head as he opened the front door. A cold gust of wind spread his coat open and he quickly grabbed the fabric that was flapping in the breeze and buttoned up.

"Hey, what are you doing out here?" Ray asked, shoving his hands in his pockets and wishing he had grabbed his hat too.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Fraser stood on the porch looking out over the small front lawn and the rest of the neighborhood.

Fraser looked as if he was on sentry duty dressed in his red serge. He insisted on only the best uniform for such a special mass but he was without the wool pea coat. Ray never understood how he could do that in such cold weather no matter where he was from or what he was used to.

Ray looked out over the small front lawn and couldn't help buy agree.

"Yes it is but it's cold out here. Come inside."

"In a moment," Fraser responded. "If you are cold, you don't have to stay out here with me."

"Hey, what kind of friend would I be if I let you stand out here in the cold."

"I wouldn't think any less of you."

"Thanks Benny but Diefenbaker I am not," Ray said with sarcasm.

Fraser nodded with a smirk and the two friends stood on the porch for a moment in silence. There wasn't a peep to be heard except for the wind whirling the snowflakes around in dizzying patterns. It was more than beautiful, it was breath taking and that had nothing to do with the temperature.

"Do you miss this?"

"Miss what?" Fraser asked, looking over at Ray.

"The snow, the cold, the quiet."

"Not particularly, no."

Ray was shocked. "Excuse me?"

Fraser smiled at Ray's response.

"While I do enjoy the snow and am more accustomed to living in it than you, I also enjoy the weather of Chicago. It is like having the best of both worlds here."

"You like it here?"

"Shouldn't I?"

"No, no, no, you should. I mean I like it here but I would think you would miss your home."

Fraser pondered that statement a moment.

"I'm sorry, of course you miss your home. Listen, I'm sorry . . ."

"No Ray," Fraser said, interrupting Ray's apology. "There is nothing for you to apologize for. I do miss my home but that is something I will never get back."

"What? Benny, it's just a few hours drive to the boarder and a couple other in a plane ride. What do you mean you will never get it back?"

"I know I can go back to Canada at any time. I've had opportunities in the past . . ."

"You've had opportunities? When?"

"That's not important right . . . "

"Wait, wait, wait, it is important. I think it's important. When?"

Fraser sighed, not wanting to go back over what couldn't be changed and what he wouldn't change even if he could. "It was shortly after Inspector Thatcher was assigned to the Chicago Consulate."

"Oh," was the only thing Ray could say at first. Looking over at Fraser he asked, "Why didn't you tell me? I didn't know you were thinking about leaving."

Dealing with Ray had been the biggest challenge of moving to and living in Chicago. It wasn't Ray himself but more Fraser's ability to deal with people on a one on one basis. It wasn't that he live and exclusive solitary life with no any contact with anyone but the last ten plus years of his life had been spent dedicated to duty and any long term one on one contact was not a constant in his life. The people he worked with kept their distance from him and even though they thought he didn't notice, he did. He could have appeared to be aloof but he was far from ignorant.

Chicago and Ray more specifically, were a different story. Where his fellow R.C.M.P. associates looked down upon him as if he was a being from another planet and while it is true, at first, Ray probably also believed that, over the years of their friendship, he also had come to accept Fraser as he was. Ray was the first person see past the alien facade and view the person inside and it seemed to Fraser that Ray liked that person.

"I didn't tell you because there really wasn't anything to tell. I wasn't seeking to leave Chicago but the opportunity arose and Inspector Thatcher thought I would be interested in a change," Fraser explained.

"And you weren't interested in leaving?" Ray's words were said in mid-chatter as the cold of the night was finally getting through his coat.

"No, I wasn't. Do you want to go in?" Fraser asked seeing Ray's body's reaction to the frigid air.

"Would you think less of me if I said yes?"

"No," Fraser answered with a smile. "It is getting later by the second anyway. We really should get to sleep."

"Thank you," Ray said sounding grateful. He would have stood outside with Fraser for however long he chose to stand out there but he was glad the Fraser had gotten his fill of the wintry weather, for now.

Ray lead the way back into his family home but was stopped in the threshold.

"Ben . . . "

Ray turned and every movement and thought froze with the pressure of Fraser's lips on his cheek.

When they parted, Ray was wide-eyed and speechless, and Fraser a bit embarrassed but he wasn't regretful.

"What . . . why . . . I don't . . . Why did you do that?" Ray asked, his heart beating faster than it ever had before.

Fraser ducked his head and then looked up, pointing.

"Mistletoe," he replied simply.

Ray looked up at the offending staple of the Christmas season and thanked his lucky stars that Francesca would do anything to get a kiss from the Mountie.

"Ah . . .Benny, I think that is a tradition reserved for those of the opposite sex . . . "

Ray smacked his head for even mentioning the word sex. What the hell was he doing?

"Oh, well, my mistake," Fraser responded as he quickly moved by Ray and into the house.

Ray followed behind, taking care to lock the front door. Fraser was already half way up the stairs and Ray couldn't understand how the man could dismiss his actions so quickly or so easily. Was this man really made of steel? Ray didn't believe so but it sure seemed as such.

"Hey wait up," Ray called out, still wearing his coat as he chased after Fraser.

Fraser was at the door to the guestroom that had been made up for him when he turned around.

"Yes?"

Ray popped up to the top of the stairs and froze in his spot. How is it that two eyes could make his mind turn to mush?

"Ray?"

Ray shook his head to get any brain cell left working.

"I . . .ah . . . I just wanted to say thanks."

"For what?"

Ray shrugged, taking a few steps forward, stopping at his own room's door.

"Thanks for not leaving."

Fraser smiled the most innocent smile in reply. Ray nodded in return and both men entered their respective bedrooms for the night.

Fraser leaned against his closed door and exhaled heavily. He prayed that he hadn't stepped over a line but new full well that he had. Ray would either accept his actions at face value, dismissing them as one of the many idiosyncrasies that made him up or he would dig a little deeper and know the truth.

"What have I done?"

When Ray took off his coat, his hands were shaking. It took all the strength he had to hang it up in his closet and when he closed the door, he leaned heavily against it.

"I'm doomed," he uttered to himself knowing the line between their friendship was fading fast.

A war zone, that is was it look like or more the aftermath of a war zone. Every inch of the living room floor was covered in toys and clothes and paper and now empty boxes. All the packages that had been strategically placed under the tree the night before had been dissected, the prizes within exposed and lying lifeless on the room's floor while everyone was in the other room for a proper Christmas brunch. Weeks of planning and preparation reduced to barely an hour's worth of mayhem. It was crazy but they would be back at it again the following year to meet and possibly top the year before.

Francesca watched Fraser and Ray leave the dining room and smiled.

"What are you grinning about?" Maria whispered.

"I think our brother is getting what he wants for Christmas," Francesca replied with an even wider grin.

"What tells you that?"

"Let's just say I saw Ray being kissed by a certain guy in a big red suit last night."

"Girl, you are bad," Maria scolded but she was laughing as well.

"Just call me matchmaker."

The girls giggled quietly, the conversations humming around the table not being disturbed in the slightest.

Ray followed Fraser out into the living room where he watched his friend begin the painstaking task of cleaning up the aftermath of Christmas morning. He joined Fraser, knowing it was more than a one-person job and also knowing all their work would be in vein. Once brunch was over, the children would be back out in the living room pulling out every new toy they had received in a rehash of the morning's events, minus the packaging.

"You know there is no point in cleaning up out here," Ray stated, kneeling down next to Fraser and beginning to gather up the discarded gift wrap.

"I know, but if we just clean up the paper, it think your mother will be most appreciative."

Fraser was official far too much in his off duty life.

"Yeah, she will love you for it even more than she already does."

They finished cleaning up the paper and boxes and rearranged everything under the tree again. It took them approximately 10 minutes to complete their task but once it was finished, even though it was a pointless task, they both had a feeling of accomplishment.

Sitting on the couch, Ray stretched and yawned, clearly in need of sleep after the late night he had. Settling into the couch, he sighed contently.

"You have a good Christmas Benny?"

"Very much so. Your family has a way of spoiling me far more than I deserve," Fraser replied. "I won't even begin on the damage you have done to Diefenbaker alone."

Ray laughed.

"What? You and Dief don't deserve the Vecchio treatment? Pishaw, what were your Christmas' like back at home, with your mom?"

Fraser paused a moment before answering.

"I would have to say very much like this, here with your family."

"Really?" Ray didn't believe him.

"Yes, really, of course, usually it was just Mum and me but the feeling of love was very much the same. I don't remember too many details but I do remember being loved. She was my world then . . . Next to my father, she was the only thing I knew."

"I'm sorry, Benny."

"Again, you are apologizing for something that neither you nor I could control. Last evening, when you asked me if I missed my home, I do. I miss the home I shared with my family but now, that home no longer exists. Right now, Chicago is more a home to me than any location in Canada."

"Really?" There was a squeak of disbelief in Ray's voice.

"Yes Ray, really," Fraser confirmed. "I have quite an affection for this city, your family . . . and you."

"You have affection?" Ray asked looking over at Fraser.

"Yes," Fraser replied meeting his eyes.

"For me?"

"Yes Ray, I would think that was obvious. As much so as you have for me."

"I have affection for you."

"You don't?" Fraser said, surprised that his deduction could be off.

Ray didn't get a chance to answer. His words and thoughts were cut short by the arrival of over stuffed Vecchios, resurfacing for round two of Christmas morning turned afternoon.

Everything that Ray and Fraser had previous placed back under the tree was quickly pulled out, played with, fought over and tossed aside as quickly as they were originally unwrapped earlier in the morning. The children were laughing and giggling loudly as the adults slowly emerged as well, taking up the available empty seats for the free show before them. Diefenbaker was in the middle of the entire fiasco enjoying the excitement and attention.

Fraser stood up to offer a seat to one of Ray's extended family members and moved to stand back by the staircase the led upstairs, isolating himself from the family he had come to accept as his own, knowing that Ray would follow him. It was a frightening thought knowing that. Knowing without a doubt that Ray would follow him just as sure as he would follow Ray. They had a connection that at first, he couldn't explain but know, he knew what it was.

Timing was everything, so Ray followed suit to allow his Uncle a seat. His legs were shaking as he made his way towards Fraser and the smile Fraser offered only made the wobbling worse. Ray never lost eye contact with his destination for if he had, he probably would have chickened out of the best thing that ever happened to him. It was one thing to come to terms with his own feelings but to realize in a short period of time that not only did he love his best friend but his best friend shared those same feelings, it was mind boggling. Where did they go from here?

Ray watched Fraser turn to head upstairs and he followed directly after. Diefenbaker, noticing his pack mates taking their leave, joined the train leading to the second floor. He was never one to be left out of what did or didn't concern him.

Francesca and Maria stole a glance at each other and grinned. Mrs. Vecchio caught the glance and smiled as well. She was thankful that her children watched out for each other the way they did. Her life and the life of her children couldn't be any more perfect than it already was. Her daughter Maria had a good husband and four beautiful children of her own. Her son Ray had a good job and a loyal friend who had proven to be more than just a friend. Now all she needed to do was find a good man for Francesca. Perhaps she will call her friend Cecilia this week about any possible prospects.

By the time Ray made it up the stairs, after battling Diefenbaker for the head position and losing, Fraser was no where to be found.

"He's got movements faster than you," Ray said to Diefenbaker, not really surprised since the wolf was being weighed down by a hefty Vecchio brunch.

The noise Diefenbaker made was that of discomfort and seeking for pity.

"Hey, I didn't tell you to eat that second helping."

Diefenbaker grumbled.

"Hey, I don't care if you thought it would have been rude, you could have saved it for later. I don't even want to hear you complaining after dinner tonight."

Diefenbaker huffed, turning tail and leaving, deciding he didn't care what they were up to anymore.

"Hey, don't get in a snit," Ray called after the wolf but the wolf kept on walking. Ray sighed, shaking his head. A sulking wolf did not make for a happy Christmas but he would deal with that later.

"Benny?" Ray called, knocking on the guest room door and opening it at the same time. He heard some rustling within the room as the door opened and found Fraser by the bed, rustling through his pack.

"You goin' somewhere?" Ray proceeded to ask. "Cause you know the day isn't even half over and if you think you are gonna get out of this house without being fed dinner . . . which isn't for another four hours . . . you obviously don't know Ma that well."

Fraser pulled out what he was looking for and turned to Ray.

"No, I'm not going anywhere. I just wanted to get this," Fraser said presenting the item to Ray.

Ray recognized it right off the bat but asked anyway. "What's this?"

Fraser quietly laughed. "What does it look like?"

"I know what it is but what's it for?" Ray clarified taking hold the offered book.

"It is my gift to you," Fraser replied, more then pleased with himself.

"Benny, you already got me more than enough," Ray protested.

They had exchanged traditional presents with the rest of the family earlier in the morning but this, Ray was not expecting.

"Hey, this journal is used," Ray stated as he fanned the pages.

"I know, Ray. It's mine."

Ray's eyes grew wide and he held onto the journal a little tighter, knowing how precious it was. This small, leather bound book that didn't look like anything special or spectacular was just that. It contained the words and thoughts and feelings of Fraser, it's purpose allowing the man to express himself freely without the repercussion that sometimes comes with free speech. The book knew Fraser better than Ray ever did and now he was being given the honor of reading it.

"But why?"

"It seemed appropriate," Fraser stated in an obvious tone.

"Appropriate? I don't get it?" Ray asked, looking up at Fraser. His heart stopped when he met Fraser's eyes and then it began rapidly pounding.

The look in Fraser's eyes said everything without him having to verbalize a single thought. And even though Fraser could see that Ray now understood, the words needed to be said, not just for Ray but for himself as well.

"I can be a man of many words when it is not necessary and a man of few words when I should say more. This may be one of those times . . . either way actually," Fraser said with a quiet laugh. "I love you, Ray."

It was a simple statement and one worth repeating.

"I love you."

Ray looked from Fraser, down to the journal in his hands and back up to Fraser. If it was possible for a man to laugh and cry and jump around and giggle at the same time, that is what Ray would be doing. He opted for the more restrained reaction.

With a huge grin on his face, Ray said, "I love you too. God help me but I love you."

"That is good," Fraser said, returning the smile. "I am giving you my journals . . . "

"Journals? As in plural journals?"

"Yes Ray, my journals."

"But aren't journals supposed to be like . . . private or something? Like a diary . . . Ya know there was this one time that I got a hold of Frannie's . . . " Ray stopped speaking. "Never mind."

"Perhaps to some people, like your sister, a journal or diary is quite private, yes but mine . . . " Fraser paused for thought. "My father, upon his death, I gained possession of his journals. While a large portion of them covered the various cases he worked on, in between the case he exposed his thoughts and feelings in a way that he could never express them while alive. When I started reading them, it amazed me at how much I didn't know about my own father and I don't want that to happen with us. I don't want to die . . ."

"Woah, die, who said anything about dying?"

"Ray, I'm only trying to explain. I don't want to die and leave you to find out that you didn't know me. I have no secrets from you. Anything that I have written in my journals, I am not trying to keep from you but that doesn't mean that I am comfortable discussing them either. I am my father's son."

"Benny, you may be Robert Fraser's son but you are also Caroline's son too! I think, even if you don't have too many detailed memories of your mother, she has had a bigger impact on you that you know. If it wasn't for her, we might not be standing here, talking about what we are talking about. I thank you for having the courage to make the first move," Ray said as he took a few steps towards Fraser. "I thank her for you."

They were nearly nose to nose. Fraser's eyes were wide as he swallowed the lump in his through. One step forward and two steps back.

"Ray?"

Fraser's voice held the tone of uncertainty but it only made Ray smile.

"What? Now you are getting cold feet?"

Fraser cleared his throat. "N . . .no . . . it's not that at all . . . shouldn't we talk . . ."

"Benny, if we keep talking there is a distinct possibility that one or the other of us will talk one or the other of us out this and I am not about the let that happen."

"What is this?"

"Benny, you're talking."

"I'm sorry Ray but . . . "

"Benny, you're doing it again," Ray said, gently tossing the journal on the bed without moving from his spot.

"But . . ."

Ray placed his hand over Fraser's mouth.

"I said, no talking," Ray said in a lowered voice, removing his hand.

Any questions he may of had as to what they did now or where they were going or how far he was willing to go for that matter were finally answered. Anywhere and everywhere, the sky was the limit, as long as he was with Fraser, everything and anything was possible.

If it was possible, Ray moved even closer.

"You know what I've wanted to do since walking into this room?"

Fraser blushed beet red knowing all too well what that was for it was the exact same thing he wanted. He wondered for a moment when it happened that they were in such synch with one another for it seemed like forever at this point. Any thought process ceased to exist with the pressure of two of the most exquisite lips pressed against his own.

Fraser was in heaven and Ray was right along for the ride. He was driving after all.

While it began as a simple kiss, a chaste kiss, it didn't remain that way for long. Hands tentatively touched faces and moved to hair (stubble in one case). Arms then wrapped, pulling bodies closer, melding their souls. It was their first shared kiss and yet it felt like the millionth, new and yet known. The butterflies in their stomach had eased into a glowing burn that stemmed out and spread quickly through the rest of their bodies. It was only natural that the kiss would deepen. Fraser was the one to push the line and Ray eagerly accepted Fraser's advance, making a few of his own.

The back of Fraser's knees hitting the bed startled them and Fraser pulled away before plopping down on the bed breathing heavily.

"Ray . . . "

There was a slightly dazed look in Fraser's eyes that was endearing and cute and absolutely perfect. Ray couldn't help but to grin.

"Yeah?"

Fraser looked up at Ray and returned the smile, not actually being able to articulate what he wanted to say.

A mute Fraser was a sight to behold. Ray ran is hands through the pelt of hair he envied and sighed as Fraser leaned into his touch. Moving his hands to Fraser's shoulder's, gave him a little shove into a reclining position and joined him on the bed next to him.

"Ray we shouldn't . . . " Fraser began, trying to get up but Ray's hand on his chest kept him from fully sitting up.

"Benny, it will be okay. We aren't doing anything, relax," Ray said as he reached across Fraser and picked up the journal from the other side of the bed. "So, when does this journal began?"

Fraser adjusted to lying on his side in order to look at Ray.

"This journal, my father gave to me upon my entrance into the R.C.M.P. more than 15 years ago. He suggested that I keep one, just like he did, for it would come in handy in the future. I've kept a journal ever since."

"Cool," Ray said, sitting up to place the journal on the bedside table and moving Fraser's pack to the floor. Ray then got off the bed, walked over to the door and turned the lock.

Fraser sat up now.

"Ray, what are you doing?"

"What does it look like I am doing?" Ray asked walking back over to the bed.

"It looks like you are trying to get us into trouble."

"Me?" Ray questioned with the most innocent look and voice. "Never. Now, do you know what we do?""

Fraser shook his head.

"Well," Ray began, pulling the covers back. "We rose far too early for my liking, have been through world war three, stuffed ourselves beyond belief and admitted our love to one another. I think we've had a big day and it's not even half over. Now I don't know about you but me, I'm thinking a nap is in order. What do you think?"

"I think we should join your family downstairs," Fraser replied.

"Hmmmm . . . nah, I veto your idea. Besides you, sir, have out done me in the present category and now I owe you," Ray stated, climbing into bed.

"Ray, you don't owe me . . ."

"Benny, you joining me or not?" Ray interrupted.

Fraser's initial instinct was to leave the room. It was the safe route. It was the choice that wouldn't cost him everything he had come to depend upon since moving to Chicago. If he was going to live in the city indefinitely, he needed this family.

Looking over at Ray, any resistance he held before was futile now. Fraser blushed, embarrassed for giving into a want but he had a feeling this was only the beginning. So, reluctantly and yet not so reluctantly, Fraser reclined next to Ray. He was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling, stiff as a board.

Ray was on his side watching Fraser with humor.

"Ya know Benny, this might be a little more fun if you relaxed a bit."

Fraser took a deep breath and released it slowly.

"I am trying Ray."

"Relaxing isn't supposed to be hard. You shouldn't have to work at it. Just . . . relax."

Fraser didn't move.

"Benny?"

"I'm relaxed Ray," Fraser insisted.

Ray rolled his eyes and moved closer to Fraser. His movements caused Fraser to startle.

"Yeah, real relaxed there, Benny."

"I'm sorry Ray but I am trying."

"I know you are," Ray said, knowing Fraser was doing his best. "But let me help you. Come here."

Fraser scooted closer and Ray attempted to give suggestions as to how Fraser could find a relaxing position. When everything was said and done, they were both on their sides and Ray had pulled Fraser as close as he could against his chest. Ray placed a kiss on the back of Fraser's neck and received a sigh in reply.

"How's this?"

"Wonderful," Fraser replied with a yawn.

"You relaxed now?"

"Very much so, yes."

"Good."

Ray now allowed himself to relax, cuddling even closer to Fraser. A feeling of contentment settled over him and he sighed into Fraser ear, causing the man in his arms to smile.

"How is this for you?" Fraser asked, holding onto Ray's arms a little tighter.

"Heaven," Ray exhaled. "Better late than never."

"Merry Christmas Ray."

"Merry Christmas Benny."

Soon both men settled into the bed and each other's arms, falling asleep with a smile on their faces. It had been a very Merry Christmas and each would have the best New Year to follow.

End Better Late Than Never by Innusiq: Joymakers@neo.rr.com

Author and story notes above.