Disclaimer: not mine, i borrow them and give them three nipples.

Author's Notes: thanks to those on LJ who demanded i turn this silly idea into a proper story

Story Notes:

"Three Nipples"

By Jodie Louise

One day it jus' appeared outta nowhere an' I thought 'what the fuck is that?'. It was sorta sticking outta the side of my body. I would've said it was a mole but for the fact it was far too nipple shaped. I mean it looked nipple shaped. An' when I touched it it gave me a kinda thrill so I jus' assumed it had to be a new nipple.

So I have three nipples. Cool.

I showed Vecchio one day in the locker room:

"D'ya think this is a nipple, Vecchio?"

He turned an' looked at me.

"What the hell are you going on about, Kowalski?"

"This." I said pointing, "This, is a nipple?"

Vecchio furrowed his brow. I could tell he was getting a real good look, in fact he got real close. His big nose bumped against the third 'nipple'.

"Erm, it's kinda a nipple shape but..."

"Wha', Vecchio, tell me."

"Well. It's a weird place for a nipple to grow."

Then he licked it.

"Does that do anything for you?" he asked.

I thought about it. A lot. Kinda tingled a little I s'pose but still...not sure. Thought may be it is jus' me being horny.

"Kinda tingly." I said.

Green eyes looked up at me earnestly.

"It's a nipple." Pause. "You've got three nipples..." Vecchio stated in a kind of wonderment.

"Like that guy outta James Bond."

Vecchio's face lit up in a grin.

"Yeah, I remember that film."

"Sean Connery is kinda hot." I said without thinking, but then, since the 'macho' Italian licked my third nipple I didn't think I'd have much to worry about.

Suddenly I was pushed against my locker in a very passionate kiss. Of course I returned the favour, with my tongue, I mean who wouldn't with such a beautiful Italian stud by their sides?

Now after the incident in the locker room I got to wondering if the third nipple has given me some kinda of magical powers I never had before. `Cos things were never the same after I showed Vecchio.

Well, for a start he forgot about The Stella and started dating me. The whole nine yards...red roses, expensive restaurants, geez, even underwear. Mind you before he brought the silk tonga g-string things I'd been going commando for a month and was getting sore from, well, y'know rubbing against the denim all the time. At least this way I saved my skin.

But it seemed to be a kinda, whatsit -- aphrodisiac -- where Vecchio was concerned. The third nipple really turned him on. I mean I never met a guy who wanted or even knew all the different sexual things you could do involving rubber gloves, a feather duster and ice-cream.

Of course people started talkin' -- they knew something was up when we turned up to work after the first night together and didn't rip each other to shreds. After that we tried to be more careful.

Then Frannie found out about the third nipple.

It was a cold day an' I was only wearing a thin tight T-shirt and jeans (only clean stuff in the apartment). Anyhow my nipples were at attention lets say, all three of them. An' Frannie, being Frannie notices stuff like that.

This is what happened:

"Kowalski. What's that?" Frannie asked, pointing to the third nipple showing through the cotton.

She touched it.

"Eugh!! It feels like a...nipple."

Frannie, being Frannie shrieked out about this discovery making half of the bull-pen turn 'round to look at me, including a couple of perps. The hustler, Jackson, blew me a kiss.

An' the worse thing? The touch set me off an' I could feel myself getting extremely hard.

"Eugh!" shrieked Frannie when she noticed me trying to hide the bulge by placing a file over my crotch.

I turned to see Vecchio smirking at me. He motioned for me to follow him. We had the most fantastic sex in one of the interview rooms.

So ya see what I mean 'bout this damn nipple. It's turned my life topsy turvy. I'm sure getting laid a whole lot more though.

An' then Vecchio said he'd had enough of sneaking around at home. He decided to `come out' to his Ma. Things weren't going well, actually they were going really badly, and then the nipple was mentioned. I don't really know how or why the nipple got mentioned because they were shouting in Italian for a lot of the time, but it did.

Anyhow Ma Vecchio calms down and asked to see it. So I showed her and suddenly she was gushing `bout how nice it is to have another son especially such a handsome one and pinched my ass.

So now the nipple was doing it's bit for combating homophobia.

It didn't take too long for Welsh to realise there was something going down. I mean our arrest rate had gone up -- I swear -- all due to me having this third nipple...

"Kowalski!" Welsh bellowed from the door of his office, "In here now."

I looked at Vecchio who just shrugged and carried on flipping through a file. I hadn't heard the Lieutenant speak in that tone for a while. I walked to his office and closed the door behind me. The blinds were already shut. I wracked my brains trying to work out what I've done to be called in here...the transvestite senator thingy? Or the bearded lady?

"Kowalski, I have been hearing some disturbing rumors about you."

"Sir?" I asked as innocently as possible.

"I've noticed how you and Vecchio have suddenly become the best of buddies."

"So? We are partners." I said trying to bluff my way outta this.

Welsh coughed, and looked down at the papers on his desk.

"Can I see it?"

"Wha?" I asked now totally confused.

He caught my eye.

"The third nipple." he hissed.

I thought 'bout it, but not for long, since he is my commanding officer an' all that. So I pulled up my T-shirt and tugged my waistband down slightly. Welsh bent down real close to get a proper look.

"Can I...touch it?" he asked in a low voice which made me shiver.

"Sure." I said.

Next thing I knew he's giving me an expert blow-job. That guy can really suck cock! When I've come and tidied myself up Welsh looked at me.

"You can go now, Kowalski."

"Okay."

When I stepped back into the bull-pen Vecchio glanced up.

"What did the old Lieu want then? You were gone a while."

"Oh just the usual." I said casually, sitting back down.

Imagine my disappointment when I noticed the nipple was shrinking in the shower this morning. Dunno what the hell Vecchio, or his Ma, will do if it goes completely.

In fact I am quite scared `bout what they might do.

End Three Nipples by Jodie Louise: jodie.mouse@virgin.net

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