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Author's Notes: First of all, the title. This was what Word came up with when I went to save the file for the first time, and it just stuck. The first four lines of this popped into my head and I struggled for a long time to write what came before it. Then my dear friend and beta, Meredith, said "Why? That's a great way to start a story!” So I decided to leave it the way it is. Just a little piece of shmoopy fluff.

Story Notes: none, really

Feeling Ray's pubic curls crush against his buttocks, Ben moaned, "God, I've missed this."

Ray chuckled and kissed the nape of the Mountie's neck. "You saying I ain't your first?"

"You don't seem to be a stranger to this either," Ben commented as he rolled his hips gently, feeling the slight catch as Ray eased out a fraction.

"You caught me," Ray confessed, pushing his way back into his new lover.

"I certainly hope so." Ben tightened his muscles around Ray briefly, reveling in that familiar burn. Then he relaxed completely, letting Ray set the pace. They would have time enough to talk later. He knew that no more words were necessary. All that remained, all that mattered was the perpetuation of an ages old rhythm, the beat of nature and of life as they joined in this primal communion.

They were in this as they were in all things. Together. On the same page, the same wavelength. So much so that when Ben needed to move, needed to be up on his knees where he could offer more resistance and participate more fully in the motion, Ray immediately wrapped an arm around Ben's waist and shifted back as Ben lifted up. When Ben thought he couldn't keep from touching himself, Ray's hand found his erection and started stroking in the same maddening rhythm that pounded against Ben's back. When Ray felt the coiling spring of orgasm wind impossibly tight, Ben clenched his muscles and came in Ray's hand, sending Ray over the edge.

After Ray disposed of the condom and they cleaned up, they rearranged themselves in Ray's bed, Ben's broader body sheltering Ray's as they lay like nestled spoons. They dozed lightly for a bit, Ben's right hand resting against the light dusting of hair on Ray's stomach.

After a while, Ray stirred, inhaling deeply through his nose and sighing softly. He moved a hand to cover Ben's, his fingers filling the spaces between the Mountie's.

"So, you wanna tell me how long you've missed this? You don't have to. I'm just curious."

"Well, it's not strictly proper..."

"That's fine, Ben. Just so you know, it's been thirteen years for me. Since just before Stell and I got married. I never cheated on her." Ray winced slightly at the forcefulness of his last statement, but it was important to him that Ben understood he was into fidelity, that it was a part of his make up.

The strength of Ray's reaction surprised Ben a little, so he couldn't help the note of mild indignation in his voice when he replied, "I don't think you did, Ray."

"I didn't think you thought...I mean, I just..." Realizing they were both getting worked up over something that was really simple, Ray let himself relax back into Ben's embrace. He picked up the hand he held and brought it to his mouth, kissing Ben's knuckles to reassure both of them it was good. "I just needed to say it. So you know you can trust me."

"I know, Ray," Ben replied, giving his lover a squeeze. Silence reigned for a few minutes while they lay and enjoyed each other's warmth. Ben nuzzled the back of Ray's head before he spoke again quietly. "There were two men."

Keeping hold of Ben's hand, Ray rolled over to face his new lover. "Hey. I meant what I said. You don't have to tell if you don't want to. I'm curious, but I won't die if I don't know."

"It's all right, Ray. I do want to. In the interest of safety if nothing else. You deserve to know. So you know you can trust me."

"I know, Ben." After a short, tender kiss placed on Ben's lips, Ray turned onto his back, tugging at Ben to get him to rest his head on Ray's chest. Ray let himself play with the silky, dark hair on Ben's head while he waited for his Mountie to continue.

"My first was as a teenager. It was just childish fumbling, really. But Mark made me realize how much I enjoyed the male of the species. The second was much later, after I graduated from Depot in Regina. I had a difficult time during my training. I didn't adjust well to the city. Steve got me through the roughest spots during that time."

"Seems like that was a hell of a long time ago, Ben. Of course, so was Johnny. Long enough to know we're safe anyway."

"Well, there aren't many places to meet men of the same proclivity in the Yukon or the Territories." Ben went still and quiet for a moment and then let out a troubled sigh, stirring the sparse hair on Ray's chest. "And there was Victoria. In spite of everything else, I did take precautions when we were intimate."

Ray hugged Ben tightly for a moment. "I guess she'd put you off anyone for a long time, huh?"

"Indeed she did. I thought it might be forever. I'm glad I was wrong."

"Me, too." Ray scooted to lay eye to eye with Ben and smiled into Ben's eyes.

Wrapping themselves around each other, they kissed lazily for a while, enjoying the warm, cozy feeling of being in bed with the person they loved most in the world. As they started to really drift off to sleep, Ray asked drowsily, "So did you miss this, too?"

"I haven't ever had anything quite like this, Ray."

The two men stretched and shifted until Ben was settled more comfortably, head in the hollow of Ray's shoulder, one leg draped over Ray's legs. With one hand on Ben's head, Ray listened as the Mountie's breathing went deep and even. Ray closed his eyes, a smile on his face, and whispered, "Me neither, Ben."

The End
Copyright February 2003 by JennyB.

End Feeling Ray by JennyB. : buehler67@yahoo.com

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