Author's website: http://www.geocities.com/themoo37

Disclaimer:

Author's Notes: Thank you kidndly, Lucysmom, for asking The Moo to do this for your birthday.

Story Notes: This one song is part of a longer fic called "Mike's House Easter Benefit Show" which can be seen in the Birthday section of The Moo's site.

I am the very model of an RCMP constable I'm thrifty, upright, honest, loyal, courteous and responstable. I can recite, when need arises, all the Mountie manual And say how long you'll sleep after you've breathed Quixotimanophyl.

I can tell you how the Hotel California staff goes shod And give you helpful hints on how to win at the Iditirod When I find any pretzel vendor's daily route no mystery Nor Dawes' or Dr. Prescott's place with Paul Revere in history.

When tied up in a railway car I know what use a pin is for. And compliment a lady using nothing more than semaphore. In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, I am the very model of an RCMP constable.

I know the lat- and longitude that mark the spot of Franklin Bay And if you go to Pluto just how much a pound of nails will weigh. I know about John Franklin's boats the Terror and the Arabus Though I can't sneak up on a sergeant so he's not aware of us.

I know a flock of Brohmas won't abide an Andallusian pair. And wild cucumber cream heals hands but won't stop you from losin' hair. When I can use a tuning fork to measure solid bank vault walls And I can jump unharmed after a bad guy over waterfalls.

My post-hypnotic orders make folk pleasant, calm and affable. Though I admit when talking to a woman I'm just laughable. In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, I am the very model of an RCMP constable.

I know that white in your flag stands for innocence and purity And quote back all the speeches of Geronimo with surety. When I can throw with equal skill sun-catchers, eggs and knives and guns And be so like a lady that I fit in with a group of nuns

When I know what the real name of Armando Languistini is. When I sniff doggie piddle so you'd think I was a genius. Though in the arctic I can bring in any crafty ne'er-do-well My skills don't do me any good below the 60's parallel

But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, I am the very model of an RCMP constable.

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End I Am The Very Model of an RCMP Constable by The Moo: the_moo37@hotmail.com

Author and story notes above.