Author's website: http://freespace.virgin.net/jodie.mouse

Disclaimer: the characters are borrowed from various people.

Author's Notes: thanks to those people on LJ who took me up on my joke and made me decide i had to make my joke reality.

Story Notes: this is a silly, silly story. i thought i would archive it to celebrate the computer working once more :)

Legolas liked Ray Kowalski's discs the best. They were silvery and shined rainbow light. In fact it had taken quite a while for Ray to prise Legolas away from the plastic discs.

Now Legolas was sitting on the couch, his bow and quiver full of arrows lying on the floor. Kowalski had pulled up a chair opposite him. For a while they just sat there staring at each other. Legolas wondered how Ray kept his hair standing up looking so straight and pointy. Ray wondered how Legolas had the patience to grow his hair so long, if he used a shampoo, and if so, the brand of shampoo.

Finally...

"Legoland..." starts Kowalski.

"Legolas."

"Legolas, do you know why you're here?"

"Some trickery and magic."

"Nah. Why you're really here?"

Legolas looked back at Kowalski with a blank look. All he knew was the quest to destroy the ring and save Middle Earth from eternal darkness.

"Okay. Let me put it this way -- do elves have bits."

"Bits?"

"You know for sex. Reproduction." Kowalski paused, "You must have bits. `Cos that's what you're here for."

"To reproduce?"

"Nah, to have sex with me."

"Sex?"

"Yeah. Jodie thought it would be a giggle getting us together and here we are."

"Sex?"

Kowalski noticed a bulge in Legolas' trousers.

"See just talking about it gets you going." Kowalski says rubbing his hands.

"But I was thinking about the dwarf..."

"Exactly." said Kowalski, jumping out of his chair and closing the space between them.

Legolas feels slightly uncomfortable having the man sit so near to him but soon relaxes as the man strokes the bulge in his trousers. Their breaths become strange, short animal like pants as they begin taking off each other's clothes.

Kowalski pulls back for a moment looking Legolas in the eye.

"Before I do this thing I've gotta know...you haven't got Fraser's heart stashed in a wooden box..." asks Ray, but Legolas looks suitably puzzled, "greatness. And Vecchio's ears -- you haven't got them on a necklace -- ignore the second one. Jodie says it's a WIP."

Legolas wonders what a WIP is for a bare moment before Kowalski claims his mouth in the most passionate kiss.

End Kowalski in Legoland by Jodie Louise: jodie.mouse@virgin.net

Author and story notes above.