Disclaimer:

Author's Notes: This is my response to the livjournal ds_flash_fiction Documentation Challenge, which was: "Write a story that is either in the form of or prominantly features some kind of document (e.g. case report, traffic ticket, personnel evaluation, pizza delivery log, diary or journal, letter, phone bill, deposition or transcript.)

Story Notes: The PG is only for the language.

Ray Kowalski hauled himself out of bed, swearing with a vengeance. "Goddamn son-of-a-bitch bastard! Whoever the hell that is better be dying or dead or majorly fucked, because I am not in the mood-" He yanked the door open and blinked in confusion at Fraser standing in the hallway.

Ray narrowed his eyes. "What and what and what? Did I or did I not just leave you at the Consulate two fucking hours ago? What are you doing here?"

Fraser winced at Ray's strident tone and stepped into the apartment, hands clutching a paper bag nervously. He closed and locked the door behind him, and held the bag out toward Ray. "Yes, well. You asked me to purchase some items for you, do you remember? You gave me a list."

Ray closed his eyes and hit himself in the head with a closed fist. He opened his eyes and glared at Fraser. "And I also remember telling you to bring the stuff in the morning. The*morning*, Fraser, which this is not." He stopped to point two fingers at Fraser. "And do not be telling me that 3:30 am is technically the morning or so help me I will h-" his voice faltered for a second, "do something you won't like!"

Fraser held the bag out to Ray again. "Ray, here are the. . .uh, items you requested."

Ray grabbed the bag and tossed it on the couch. "Greatness. Thanks for stopping by. Goodnight, Fraser." He looked wistfully toward his darkened bedroom.

Fraser stepped past Ray and sat down on the couch. "Ray, I believe we need to talk."

Ray covered his face with his hands. "Fraser, I'm tired!" He looked at Fraser's obstinate face and sighed. "Fine, you want to talk? Let's talk." He sat down gingerly on the coffee table in front of Fraser. "Let's go, Fraser, I'm all ears here."

Fraser coughed. "While I appreciate a zeal for justice as well as any other law enforcement official," he raised an eyebrow at Ray's muffled snort but continued speaking, "I think perhaps you are taking matters too far this time." Fraser stopped talking, and oddly, blushed.

Ray made a rolling 'continue' motion with his hand. "Don't got all night, here, Frase. What's your point?"

Fraser coughed again and plowed gamely on. "While the victimization of male prostitutes -beyond the norm of what is usually encountered in their profession-is deplorable and needs to be addressed, I fear your desire for justice is leading you to take too. . .active a role in your undercover assignment."

Ray nodded for a moment and then shook his head. "You know, I thought I had it for a moment, but no. Fraser, what the fuck are you trying to say? 'Cause I'm real, real tired, and I'm not tracking so good."

Fraser reached into his pocket and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper. "Some of the items on your list caused me no little concern."

Ray grabbed the list from Fraser and squinted at it. "What? It's perfectly normal." He began reading it. "One: Thick socks." He looked at Fraser. "'Cause my feet hurt, from standing around all day. Two: that tissue with the lotion. 'Cause my nose hurts. I think I got a cold from being outside. Three: cough drops. Ditto. Four, Five, Six: Vaseline, Prep H, those inflatable pillow-thingies. My ass hurts. Sev-" Ray broke off at the choked sound Fraser had made.

Fraser was bright red and looking at his own feet. "Yes, well, it was items four through six that, quite frankly, gave me pause."

Ray stared at Fraser blankly for a moment, and then suddenly grinned. "You perv! You big ol' Mountie perv!" Fraser's head shot up, eyes wide and startled. Ray's grin grew even bigger. "Admit it! You thought I was taking it up the ass for justice!"

Fraser's mouth worked soundlessly. Ray snorted and pointed a finger at him. "You did! You thought I was pimping myself out! Doing the nasty for a righteous bust!" He collapsed into giggles.

Fraser crossed his arms and looked stern. "You have to admit, Ray, that I had grounds for thinking so."

Ray wiped his eyes. "I don't got to admit nothing, 'cause you, my friend, have a dirty mind." He smiled as Fraser blushed yet again. "And even though it's TMI, I'll tell you why I needed all that, or God knows what your twisted brain will come up with." He leaned in and looked Fraser in the eye. "I was constipated, Frase."

Fraser frowned. "But then why not ask for Metamucil or-" He stopped as Ray raised a hand and grinned.

"I said I was constipated, Benton-buddy. But I spent some quality time today in the station's can, and, well. . ." Ray trailed off and gave Fraser a significant look.

Fraser stood and placed his hat firmly on his head. "Understood. Say no more, Ray. I'll just take my leave now."

Ray stood and ushered Fraser to the door. "See you tomorrow, okay, Fraser?"

"Certainly, Ray. May you have a pleasant sleep, and I hope the items I procured for you prove to be efficacious."

Ray leaned against the doorframe and regarded Fraser from under lowered lids. "You'll do anything to talk about my ass, won't you?"

Fraser made a strangled noise and left the building at a run. Ray yelled "Sucker!" at Fraser's retreating form, locked the door, and laughed all the way back to bed.

End The List by Doll: space___monkey___@hotmail.com

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