This story was inspired by, of all things, James' April FAQ and her "have fun with a drunken Mountie" challenge. We had a great time brainstorming all the possible ways in which to get a Mountie drunk, with or without him knowing about it. Our final idea is well...different. Hope you enjoy it as much as we enjoyed writing it.

Disclaimer: This story is written for the private entertainment of fans. The authors make no claims on the characters or their portrayal by the creation of this story. No infringement of any copyrights held by CBS, Alliance, CTV or any other copyright holders of DUE SOUTH is intended. This story is not published for profit, and the author does not give permission for this story to be reproduced for profit.

Feedback, good or bad, is always welcome. Send your comments to: Vikster@nh.ultranet.com

The Black Bottle

By Vikster and Storm

A gentle tap on the front door captures Mrs Vecchio's attention as she dusts the front hallway. She looks out the window to see Fraser standing on the front stoop, his hat in his hand and Diefenbaker at his side. "Benton? I'm surprised to see you." She steps aside to let the Mountie and his wolf enter her home. "Please come in."

"I'm sorry for dropping by unannounced. I was in the neighborhood and decided to see..." He pauses when he sees the skeptical look on her face. He blushes and smiles shyly. "Actually I've come to talk to you. Do you have a few minutes?"

"I have as much time as you need Benton. Raymondo and Francesca left for work over an hour ago. I don't expect either of them until dinner time." She pauses for a moment to watch the man. He looks uncomfortable and, for him, jittery. She smiles at him with affection and squeezes his arm gently. "Why don't I make us a nice cup of coffee."

"Don't go to any trouble for me Mrs Vecchio." Fraser says quietly as she ushers him into the kitchen."

"Don't be silly Benton. You are family. Can I take your coat and hat?" He hands her his hat and then the coat he is wearing.

"Sit down at the table." Mrs Vecchio says as she places the hat and coat on the chair in the hallway. She walks over to the counter, busy making coffee, dispensing cookies and putting together a special treat for Diefenbaker. At that same time she watches her son's friend from the corner of her eye. He sits quietly scratching the wolf behind his ears. His face is pale and his usually alert eyes, dull and withdrawn. He looks sad and lonely she says to herself. It looks like it's time for the heavy artillery.

"Benton, do me a favor and reach into that top cabinet there and take down the black bottle."

"Oh course ma'am." he says enthusiastically. He reaches into the cabinet and takes down the bottle she is pointing to. "This is a beautiful bottle, quite old."

"Yes my mother gave it to me when Raymondo's father and I were married." She takes the bottle from the man and hands him a plate filled with cooked hamburger and a cookie. "Here. Give this to Diefenbaker."

"You spoil him Mrs Vecchio." he complains but obeys her request. Diefenbaker yelps his appreciation and gulps down the treat.

"Of course I do Benton. He's a beautiful animal and deserves to be spoiled." she says sternly but with a hint of humor.

Her response makes him smile but soon his smile turns to a frown as he watches her pour a generous amount of dark liquid into one of the coffee cups. "What is that Mrs Vecchio?" he asks, pointing to the black bottle.

"Oh this. A special liqueur I use to flavor the coffee." she says sheepishly.

"I don't normally drink alcohol Mrs Vecchio." Fraser warns.

"Don't be ridiculous Benton. This small amount will not affect you one bit." She silently prays to the Virgin Mother for forgiveness as she pours a generous amount of homemade kahlua into the second mug. Is it a mortal or venial sin to lie to a Mountie she wonders to herself. I'll have to ask Father Beyan after mass on Sunday.

She hands Fraser the cup and then sits down in the chair next to him. "You must be chilled to the bone from your walk over here. This will warm you up." She sips her coffee and motions for him to do the same.

He cautiously takes a sip and then looks up at her in surprise. The liqueur added a sweet flavor to the coffee. "Mmmm. This is delicious. What is it?"

"A secret ingredient from the old country." she says vaguely. "Tell me about work Benton. Is your inspector treating you better?"

They chat about work and drink their coffee. Mrs Vecchio watches as Benton gradually starts to relax, her secret ingredient beginning to work its magic.

"Would you like another cup of coffee?"

"Yes and more of that secret ingredient if you don't mind."

Mrs Vecchio smiles as she walks over to the counter to make more coffee.

"I do feel very warm Mrs Vecchio. Would you mind if I took off my uniform jacket?"

"Sure. Make yourself comfortable and please call me Sylvia." She smiles and watches him remove his jacket and drape it on the back of the chair. To be 30 years younger she says to herself as she pours a small amount of coffee into the generous portion of liqueur. She returns to the table to see Benton staring at her.

"I love your kitchen Mrs ah Sylvia. It's always so warm and inviting. It smells of garlic and pastry."

Ray's mom smiles with delight at his comment and then hands the mug to Fraser. "You are such a polite young man but you looked very troubled when you arrived earlier. What can I do to help?"

Fraser rubs his left eyebrow with his palm and sips from the steaming mug. "It's all quite silly Mrs Vecchio. I really don't know where to begin." he says quietly.

"Take your time Benton" she urges as she gently squeezes his hand. "Does this have anything to do with Raymondo?"

The Mountie looks at her in surprise. "How'd you know?"

Sylvia chuckles softly. "My Raymondo is a good son and a wonderful man but he can be very trying at times."

Fraser smiles and then looks away in embarrassment. "He's angry at me for proving that Zuko did not kill Detective Guardino. I think he blames me for Irene's death."

Mrs Vecchio sighs. "My son has a sharp tongue and a short fuse but he usually recovers his senses quickly. Have you spoken to him about all this?"

"No. He's barely spoken two words to me since it happened. I can deal with his moods and his fits of temper. I can't deal with his silence." Fraser sighs and then drains his cup. "I've caused him so much pain."

Mrs Vecchio shakes her head and sighs. "This is getting us nowhere," she mumbles to herself as she reaches over and grabs the black bottle from the counter. "Are Canadian policemen usually this dense?" She asks as she fills Fraser's cup and then her own with the liqueur.

"I don't understand. How am I being dense?" Fraser asks defensively, stung by her remark.

"Drink," she orders. Fraser sits back in his chair and folds his arms across his chest. He is not going to drink that liquid even though it tastes divine. He intends to tell her just that but her wagging finger and angry look make him reconsider. He picks up his mug and drains it in one gulp. The liqueur burns his throat but it warms him too.

"You are dense because you don't realize the effect you've had on my son. You are the best thing that has happened to him and to my family in a long time. Sure he grumbles a lot but he's never been happier."

Fraser leans over and gestures for Mrs Vecchio to move closer. "Ray does grumble a lot," he whispers, "but his remarks are usually quite amusing." Fraser raises his hand to his mouth and then giggles. "I make believe I don't understand him half the time just to get him going. He's quite fun to tease." Fraser giggles again and then says seriously. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell him that though."

Mrs Vecchio laughs heartedly as she gently slaps the Mountie's arm. "You sly devil," she says admiringly. She sits back in her chair and raises her right arm as if to take a pledge. "I give you my word as an Italian moma. I will never tell my son how cunning and wicked you are."

They both burst into giggles as Mrs Vecchio refills their mugs. "You should talk to Raymondo, give him an opportunity to explain. I think you might find that he's more angry at himself than he is at you."

Fraser looks at her in surprise and then sighs. "I never thought of that." He shakes his head and then takes a few sips from his mug. "I think your assessment of me is quite accurate. I am dense."

Sylvia Vecchio smiles smugly. The secret ingredient won the battle now let's see if it will win the war.

"Are you in love with my son Benton?" she asks as she watches the Mountie sip the liquid.

Fraser sputters and spills the liqueur on his chin. He wipes his chin with the back of his hand as a red hot blush travels its way throughout his body. He stares at Mrs Vecchio in shock. "What do you mean?"

"I am a woman and I am Italian. I know about these things. You and my son are very close. What are your intentions?"

Fraser grabs the bottle from in front of Mrs Vecchio, pours himself a generous amount, slams the bottle down on the table and gulps his drink greedily. He studies her carefully for a moment and then shrugs his shoulders. "How would you react if I said that I had intentions?"

"I'd react very favorably Benton. I would even be quite pleased." She smiles and then reaches over and squeezes his hand.

Fraser leans over and kisses her check. "Thank you for your understanding Mrs Vecchio."

Sylvia blushes and then smiles contentedly. "I guess you should call me moma then."

Fraser giggles at her remark and then looks worried. "I'm not sure Ray feels the same way about me."

"Don't be silly son. I'm Raymondo's moma. I know what he thinks and how he feels, even before he does. He's in love with you; he just hasn't fully realized it yet."

Fraser giggles. "Then how do we go about making him aware of his feelings?"

Mrs Vecchio considers the problem. "I've got an idea. The best way to any man's heart and mind is through his stomach." She stands up and walks over to the counter, clearly energized by this idea. "I'm going to do something that I've never done before. I'm going to give you my secret recipe for marinara sauce. One taste of this sauce over freshly made pasta and some nice garlic bread...Raymondo will be yours forever."

*************************

Ray Vecchio is not a happy man. He has spent the entire morning and some of the afternoon completing paperwork. He hates paperwork more than he hates climbing in and out of dumpsters. His phone rings and he answers it gruffly. "27th. This is Vecchio."

"Ray! Can you hear me?"

"Frannie. Is that you? Why are you whispering?"

"Never mind that. You have to come home right away."

"Frannie? What's wrong? I can't hear you"

"Just get home now!" Frannie shouts and then hangs up.

"Elaine. I'm going to lunch. Something's going on at home. I'll call you in a little while." He grabs his jacket from the back of his chair and hurries from the squad room.

Ten minutes later he screeches to a halt in front of his house. He leaps out of the car and gets half way up the stairs when he is stopped by his irate sister standing in the doorway.

"Frannie. What the hell is going on?"

"This is all your fault. How could you allow this to happen!"

"Allow what to happen? Frannie what..." Ray is interrupted by a loud crash, a pitiful yelp and then hysterical laughter.

Suddenly, Diefenbaker runs down the hallway and is out the front door before either of the siblings can respond. The wolf looks up at the cop and whines pitifully.

Ray leans down to pat the clearly upset wolf. "Hi Dief. What's all over you?" The wolf is covered from head to tail with a white powdery residue. "You're covered in flour." Dief whines again and runs down the stairs and hides behind the bushes in the front yard.

Ray stands up and looks at Frannie. "Why is a deaf wolf running out of my house doing a real good impersonation of the Pillsbury Dough Boy?"

Instead of answering his question, his sister picks up her pocketbook from the table in the hallway and bursts past the very confused cop. "I'm not cleaning up that mess. It's your problem. You deal with it." She yells as she climbs into her car and speeds away.

Ray swings open the front door and runs into the kitchen. He stops in the doorway, his mouth open in astonishment. His mother and Fraser are kneeling on the floor, scooping up flour with a small dust pan. They are giggling.

"Ma?" asks the stunned detective.

"Raymondo. You're home." Fraser helps her stand up and then he leans against the counter as he watches the woman crush her son in an enormous bear hug. Ray wraps his arms around his mother, not taking his eyes off of the flushed and clearly drunken Mountie.

"I'm so happy to see you." She disengages herself from Ray and walks over to stand next to his friend. "Although you naughty boy, you ruined our surprise." She nudges Fraser's arm and then both break into a fit of giggles.

Ray is mesmerized by the display. He can count on two fingers the number of times he has witnessed Benny laugh, let alone giggle.

Mrs Vecchio shoves Fraser towards her son.

Fraser grabs hold of the cop's shoulders, kisses each check gently and then crushes the man in a bear hug, identical to the one Mrs Vecchio gave her son. "I'm very happy to see you Ray." Fraser whispers in Ray's ear.

"I'm happy to see you too Benny." He replies quietly as he untangles himself from the intoxicating embrace. He looks over at his mother, who has since sat down at the kitchen table. "Oh God." he gasps when he sees the black bottle sitting on the table. "You got Benny drunk on grandma's recipe? How could you?"

Mrs Vecchio and Fraser laugh at Ray's indignant tone.

"Come on Benny. Why don't you sit down before you fall down." Ray wraps his arms around the giggling Mountie's waist and pushes him down in the chair.

Fraser grabs Ray's tie and pulls the man so that their faces are inches apart. He kisses Ray on the tip of his nose, grins delightedly, and then flips the tie over Ray's shoulder. "Would you like some of moma's special recycle?" The Mountie pauses for a moment in confusion and then tries again. "No I mean reciprocal...no that's not right...special recipe." He laughs and then beams with accomplishment.

"No that's OK Benny. I'm on duty." Ray glares at his mother and then looks back at his friend. "What are you and Ma doing?" he inquires quietly.

"Can't tell you. It's a surprise." The Mountie hiccups and then giggles again.

"You can tell me Benny. I promise I won't tell anyone."

Fraser leans closer to the cop. "We're making pasta and sauce." Fraser brings his index finger against his lips. "Shh. Don't tell anyone. It's Moma's secret recipe."

Ray backs away from his friend and looks at his mother in shock. "You're teaching Benny how to make your marinara sauce. You've never shown anyone how to make your marinara sauce, not even the girls."

His mother beams with delight and leans over to kiss Fraser's cheek. "He's a good boy. It was necessary." She declares as if her answer was in fact an answer.

"Wait a minute. Why is Benny calling you Moma?" His question causes another round of very annoying laughter.

"He's so glueless." Fraser whispered to the woman.

"I think you mean clueless son." The woman whispers in response and of course they laugh again.

"All right, that's it. Ma I want you to go to bed. I'll be up to check on you as soon as I get Benny settled."

Without a word Mrs Vecchio stands up, scoops up the bottle in one hand, her mug in the other and staggers out of the kitchen.

Ray shakes his head in amusement and then focuses his attention on his drunken friend. "You are going to sleep it off on the sofa." Ray forces the Mountie to stand and then pushes him into the living room.

"I love you Ray." Fraser mumbles as they enter the quiet room.

"I love you too Benny. Now sit down." Ray gently guides the man to the sofa. He unlaces Fraser's boots and then straddles the Mountie's legs to pull the right boot off.

Fraser looks up to see the most wonderful sight, Ray's perfect buttocks in his face. "Heaven," the Mountie whispers as he runs his hands up Ray's thighs and then caresses the tight little cheeks.

"Benny!" Ray yelps as he jumps away from the man. "Why the hell did you do that?"

"Have I ever told you that I think you have a great ass." replies the Mountie as lays down on the sofa.

Ray leans over and cautiously tugs off the left boot. He grabs an afghan from the back of the sofa and wraps it around his seemingly unconscious friend.

Without warning, Fraser grabs Ray's shirt and pulls his friend onto the sofa and on top of the Mountie. "Make love to me Ray." purrs the Mountie as he lifts his hips in obvious need and cups the heavenly buttocks once again. "I need you so much."

Ray is stunned and mesmerized by the look of love and desperate need in his friend's eyes. Making love to this remarkable man is something that has plagued the cop's thoughts for many months, but not under these circumstances. He forces Benny's hands away and sits down on the coffee table in front of the sofa. "I don't think that's a very good idea right now Fraz."

"Why not?" asks Fraser, making sure to curl his lips in that adorable pout, the one that always forces Ray to see things his way.

"Ah. Don't do this to me Benny." Ray sighs and the rubs his head with his hands. "I don't think it's a good idea for two very good reasons." He holds up his index finger to reinforce his point. "Number 1, I'm a gentlemen." He holds up his middle finger. "Number 2, you're stinking drunk."

"I'm a Mountie. Mounties don't get drunk." Fraser protested.

"Yeah well the RCMP never had to contend with Ma's black bottle. Go to sleep Fraz. We'll talk later." Ray pats his friend's forehead as the Mountie collapses into a drunken sleep.

Ray closes the door to the living and walks up the stairs to check on his mother. She is sprawled across her bed, snoring loudly "How many times have a asked you not to meddle in my affairs?" Ray asks quietly to the sleeping figure. He tosses a comforter over her and kisses her on the forehead. "I love you Ma but I hope you have one hell of a hangover for what you did to Benny." Ray kisses her forehead again and then closes the door behind him.

He dials his cell phone as he walks down the stairs. "Hi Elaine? I've got a problem at home. I'm gonna have to take the rest of the afternoon off. No, no it's nothing serious. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow. Yeah. Talk to you later."

He opens the front door and then walks down the stairs and kneels down on the ground next to the bushes. "Hey Dief." The wolf whines in response. "Come on in, the coast is clear." The wolf looks at the cop skeptically. "They're asleep. You want to taste some of the marinara sauce that Benny made?" Dief yelps and then runs up the stairs and sits in front of the door. Ray laughs as he and Dief head into the kitchen.

The pair spend the rest of the afternoon eating the delicious sauce and then cleaning up the kitchen. To Ray's surprise and begrudging enjoyment, Dief even allows the cop to give him a bath in the back yard. Both are sitting in the living watching television when they hear a desperate moan escape the Mountie's lips. Ray rushes into the kitchen for his mother's washing bucket, a wet wash cloth and a glass of hangover juice.

"Ray?"

"I'm here Benny." Ray says quietly as sits down on the coffee table.

"I don't feel so good." moans the Mountie as he turns a very interesting shade of green. "Oh dear."

Ray rolls his friend on his side and positions the bucket under his head.

The Mountie makes his anticipated deposit and collapses back onto the sofa.

Ray washes his friend's face with the wash cloth and then taps him on the shoulder when he's done. "Here Benny. Drink this. It'll make you feel better."

Fraser looks suspiciously at the glass. "I seem to remember another Vecchio telling me the same thing this morning."

Ray blushes. "You're not the first person to have drunk from the black bottle." Ray helps Fraser sit up. "This will make you feel better." He holds his friend in place while the Mountie drinks the liquid.

"It tastes terrible." Fraser complains as he collapses onto the sofa. "Do you have your gun Ray?"

"Yeah sure Benny. It's locked upstairs. Why?" Ray asks suspiciously.

"If you love me; you'd shoot me."

Fraser's pathetic tone causes Ray to chuckle. "I love you Fraz but I'm not going to shoot you." He pats the man's forehead, running his hand through the thick and luscious hair. "Don't worry. You'll feel better once you've detoxed."

"Very funny Ray."

"Yeah well it serves you right Benny. Why'd you drink that stuff anyway?"

Fraser looks up at his friend and sighs. "It seemed like a good idea at the time. I didn't want to disappoint your mother."

"Benny. You'd never disappoint my mother. She and the entire family think you walk on water." Ray runs his hand over Fraser's forehead a few more times, deep in thought. "I guess in a way you should be honored."

"Whatever for?" asked Fraser incredulously.

"Ma doesn't bring out the black bottle for just anybody. Besides she gave you her actual recipe for marinara sauce, the real one not the fake one she hands out at parties."

"Please don't mention food in my presence ever again." Fraser moans and he closes his eyes in an attempt to keep the sofa from spinning. "Was it any good?"

"Yeah Benny. It was even better than Ma's." Ray says softly as he pulls the afghan up around his friend's neck. "Sleep tight Benny."

Ray turns off the television and the man and the wolf walk up the stairs to get ready for bed.

The End (?)