Standard Disclaimer: due South and it's characters belong to Alliance. I just use them for fun. Hopefully they will return to their world unharmed and ready for other people to play with them.

WARNINGS: AU Fraser/RayV Non-slash Cursing General Silliness

Originally posted to RedSuitsYou@onelist.com

This is in response to Jen's Challenge involving the non-food use of whipped cream. Tie-in to 'The Clock is Ticking'.

You've Been Creamed

Ray and Fraser were in the Riv heading for lunch. They had spent the morning going over an investigation and were now talking about events that had happened recently.

"So I said to Dewey, what in the hell were you thinking? You knew if you did something stupid like that Frannie was going to go after you." "Yes Ray, but I don't think that he thought that Francesca would ever resolve the dispute with physical violence." Fraser smiled at the thought. Francesca had left quite a bruise on Dewey's face. "Yeah, he learned his lesson. That'll be the last time he ever does anything to her. Or you."

The police radio clicked on. "Hey Ray." "Frannie that is no way to start a dispatch call." "Whatever. There's a robbery in progress over at Strwriter's Foodmarket on Limerick Street." "Ten-four." "Yeah Ray. 'Bye." Ray clicked the radio off. "God I hate when she does that. When is she gonna' learn you don't fool around on the radio like that. She has to be more professional."

Ray tapped his fingers on the steering wheel as he gunned the accelerator of the Riv. "You need to have a talk with her about this." "Me? Why should I do it Ray? You work with Francesca. I have no authority to..." "You are so whipped Benny. You can't even tell her that she needs to straighten up at work." "I am not whipped." "You don't even know what it means Benny." "Yes I do. I asked Francesca like you suggested." "You asked her that?" "Yes Ray. She said I'm not whipped. She said that I am a gentleman." "No Benny. You're whipped."

They pulled up to the side of Strwriter's. Getting out of the car they hunkered down as they approached the door. "I see one suspect Benny. He's at the front." "Yes I see him Ray. He's near the dairy display. I believe that this store has a back entrance near the loading dock. Come in through there and I'll take the front." "How did you know that?" "I shop here Ray. They carry the best maple syrup imported from Canada." Fraser started smiling. "Francesca likes to..." Fraser's voice trailed off and his smile faded. *Oh dear. I almost told Ray what Francesca likes to do with the maple syrup. He would not be amused.* "Uh, yes Ray...the back entrance?" Giving Fraser a look, Ray ran around the building.

As Ray came in silently through the back entrance he walked towards the front thinking. *What in the hell would Frannie like to do with maple syrup that would make Benny smile? Oh God no! No! Don't even think about it! There's a robbery in progress! There's a robbery in progress! There's a robbery in progress!* Reaching the front of the store Ray saw Fraser kneeling down by a front register. The robber luckily hadn't seen either one of them.

Fraser raised a finger to Ray and stood up. "Excuse me sir." "What the fuck!" The robber who had his gun trained on several of the cashiers jumped in surprise at the sight of Fraser standing before him in his red serge. "No sir, R.C.M.P. I believe the FUC is the First Union Center in Philadelphia. I am requesting that you hand your weapon over to me and surrender."

"You have got to be kidding me? Are you serious?" "Yes sir. Could you please hand over your weapon." Fraser held his hand out waiting for him to hand the gun over. "Is this some kind of joke? Move your ass over there red." The robber pointed over at the dairy display. Fraser's eyebrows went up. "As you wish." Walking towards the display he made eye contact with Ray.

*What is he doing! Christ Benny you're gonna' get yourself killed.* Ray watched as Fraser calmly stood by the display of whipped cream. Reaching over he picked up a can and began talking outloud. "Hum. Interesting. Contents under pressure. Do not puncture or incinerate." The robber glanced over at Fraser. "What are you mumbling about over there?"

"This is quite interesting. Did you know that the contents of this can of whipped cream has enough pressure in it to cause a rather large explosion if placed into heat or punctured? It's amazing how they can force a dairy product into one of these cans."

Fraser chuckled. "I remember back home when we wanted cream you had to go and milk a caribou and then whip it." "You mean cow." "No. We didn't have cows in the Territories. You would have to capture a caribou and..." "Stop it! I don't know who you are freak, but shut up!"

Fraser began shaking the can vigorously. "What are you doing!?" The robber was now screaming, as he walked towards Fraser with his gun pointed at him. "I am shaking the can. It says for best results shake the can and then dispense." The robber was only three feet away from him and was hysterical. "You freak! Stop it!" Snapping the cap off Fraser pointed it at the robber and squirted it directly in his eyes. The robber fell back screaming, dropping his gun in the process. Fraser quickly knelt down and retrieved the gun.

Ray ran up to the robber and clapped the hand cuffs on him and hauled him to his feet. Fraser handed Ray the gun. "Benny what in the hell were you thinking! You could have gotten yourself killed." Fraser looked calmly over at Ray. "I had to do something. When I saw the dairy display I knew that if I could draw him close enough I could disable him." "Yeah you did a good job of it too Benny."

Ray shook the arm of the robber. "Hey buddy. You've been creamed." Ray laughed and proceeded to take him out of the building. "Ray that is not funny." Fraser looked at another display as he walked out of the store. *Hum. The maple syrup is on sale. I will have to come back later.*