BEING THERE

As usual its an m/m story.  Its also hurt/comfort.

BEING THERE

As Ray pulled up to his friend's apartment complex, he
checked his watch, "Well ok, I'm late.  It couldn't be
helped.  He'll understand."  It always amazed him how Fraser
could always be so patient and understanding with everyone,
including himself.  Ray on the other hand was the other
extreme, until he calmed down and had a chance to think it
through... some of the time.

Fraser's door normally wasn't kept locked during the day,
just when he was asleep at night or when he wanted privacy
for himself and Ray, but right now it was.  When there was
no answer at the door, Ray pulled out the spare key he had
been given a while ago, planning to wait inside for his
friend to come home.  He'd been given the key, when it had
become routine for him to visit Ben late at night, because
Welsh had put him on a special graveyard shift.  No matter
what the boss had said, he still thought it was as
punishment for that misunderstanding with the mayor and the
midget wrestlers.  He shook his head at the memory and
shuddered.  It was an honest mistake.  How was he supposed
to know what the mayor's daughter looked like?

During that period he hardly got to spend much time with Ben,
so he'd gotten into the habit of coming by the
apartment after his early morning shift ended.  He had to
admit, that the graveyard shift had its perks when he'd slip
in next to his sleeping lover and 'help' wake Ben up for his
daytime shift at the consulate.  Benny claimed his waking
him this way was better than his alarm clock.  Ray had
teased his lover at that remark and the look Ben had given
him was priceless, when he had responded about not wanting
to know what kinky things Ben did with that alarm clock
before Ray entered his love life.  This brought out a smile
and an ache for his lover, as he relished memories of those
early morning trysts in his mind.

Today marked the second day he'd been given a reprieve and
finally allowed to work the regular schedule again, which
was more to his and Ben's liking.  He had planned to meet
Fraser for dinner tonight and unfortunately was delayed for
a while by Louise catching him, as he tried to sneak down
the back stairwell to avoid her.  At first she had talked at
length about a case and his involvement with it, then the
conversation turned to a more personal nature, when she
wanted to know why he was avoiding her and stopped his
attentions towards her.

As he turned the key and entered, he was met by a darkened
apartment.  It was late in the evening, but there was still
some light outside, although waning, but not in here.  All
the shades had been pulled down, which was unusual.  Fraser
loved having the sun and moon shining through the windows
and hated closing them out of his home like this.  He tried
turning on the light, but the light wouldn't go on.  This
was strange, since the light which had recently come on in
the hallway was spilling in through the opened door.  Ray
was getting worried and called out to his friend "Ben?  Its
Ray.  Are you here?"  No answer came back to his calls for
his lover as he stepped further into the darkened rooms.

He had his hand on his holster, gun ready should he need it,
as he stepped through the kitchen area and stubbed his toe
on something which clattered on impact.  In the half light
from the door he saw there were scattered pots and other
kitchen items on the floor.  He tried another light, but
found that one too was useless.  Going to the kitchen window
he lifted the shade there, but already the sun was gone and
not much light was cast, but enough for him to get the
battery powered lantern Ben kept in the cupboard.  With this
light to guide him he ventured deeper into the apartment.

He became more and more anxious, again calling out for his
lover, as he walked among the debris of a few knocked over
things scattered about.  It looked almost as if Ben's place
had been burgled, but Ray knew that there was nothing that a
burgular would find of value here... no stereo, tv or
valuables.  Perhaps it was someone looking for something
specific?  Upon further reflection, he thought it actually
looked as if someone had had a tantrum.

He was really starting to grow afraid for his friend, and
went quickly to the muffled sound of running water, which he
had started to notice coming from the bathroom.  He
approached cautiously, standing to one side of the door as
he worked at the knob.  It was locked.  Rapping on the
obstacle, he called out "Benny?!  Are you in there?  Are you
ok?"  No answer was forthcoming, so he made the decision to
break it down as he called out, "I'm coming in whether you
want me to or not!"  The cheap door gave quickly with 2
adrenaline empowered kicks and a hard shove.

The light was out in here too, but with the light from his
lantern he could see Ben seated huddled with his back to the
faucet as the showerhead poured water down on him.  Ben's
head was down resting against his upraised knees, which were
being held in place by his arms wrapped around them. Ray's
stomach was in knots as he saw that Ben was shivering and
hadn't yet acknowledged that he was in the room with him.
"Oh god Benny, what's wrong?"  He rushed immediately to his
friend, shutting off the now cold water, while he placed a
gentle hand on his friend's shoulder, all the while trying
to coax his friend to talk to him.

At Ray's touch, Ben flinched, shuddered in fear and a
whimper came out of him.  Ray drew his hand back as if
burned.  It was then in the poor lighting he started to
notice the bruises that were deepening on his friend's arms
and legs.  Ray was raging inside when he realized his friend
had been beaten.  When he found out who had done this to
him, every bruise and wound would be revisited double on the
abusers he promised himself and Ben.  As he pulled down a
couple of towels, he lowered himself down to the floor and
softly spoke,  "Benny.  Its Ray.  I'm here.  Its ok.  I'll
take care of you.  I'm just going to dry you off a bit,
alright?  Its ok."  While he kept up a soft incessant flow
of one-sided conversation, he worked at getting his shaking
friend dry and more comfortable.  All the while he was
praying Ben would move or say something... anything... back.

At first Ben continued to be fearful of his touch, but
gradually he became less afraid to let Ray touch him.  He
still hadn't changed his position since Ray had first
entered the room.  Ray's voice was full of emotion as he
choked out, "Ben, please talk to me... at least look at me.
You're really scarin' me buddy."  He rested a gentle
reassuring hand on his friend's now damp hair and eventually
felt Ben's head lift up from its hiding place.  When he saw
Ben's swollen bruised face and those despondent blue eyes
turn to him, he felt a sharp pain lance his heart and
couldn't hold back a gasp. "Oh Benny".  He didn't break eye
contact with him as he spoke "Come with me.  I'll take care
of you."  With those words Ben let him place his hands on
him to help lift him out of the tub.  With just the towels
wrapped about him from earlier, he still wasn't completely
covered or warm yet.  As they stood up Ray reached over with
a free hand and grabbed at a bathrobe nearby and soon had
his shaking friend enclosed in it. 
  
Ben still hadn't said a word, but they were making progress
Ray tried to assure himself.  Ben was leaning heavily on
him, because he was having trouble walking, both from his
injuries and from having been in that hunched position for
so long.  Ray wondered how long he'd been in there like
that.  Every step was taking a lifetime as they made it to
the bedroom at last and Ray helped Ben into the bed.  When
he started to make motions to go towards the closet, in
order to find a warmer blanket, his arm suddenly felt as if
it had been placed in a vise.  Trying to hide the pain it
was causing him, he placed a hand over the one digging into
him whispering, "Its ok Benny.  I'll stay with you, but I
just need to go into the closet first.  Ok?  I'll be right
back."  The grip lessened and Ray lifted the hand in his
giving it a soft squeeze.

With the light from the lantern on the bedside table, he
went quickly to the closet and found what he was looking
for.  Coming back with a thick comforter, he tucked his
friend in.  However, Ben refused to let go of one of his
hands, so it remained stubbornly outside of the warmth of
the blanket.  Ray sat in a chair he had thought to set near
the bed when he'd gone for the comforter.  As he sat with
Ben's hand in both of his own now, those sad eyes pierced
through him, trying to tell him something of his suffering,
but not enough to tell him what happened.  Ben remained
silent.

Ray had wanted to check his friend over more thoroughly,
because he was still shivering slightly and those bruises
and scrapes which he had been able to see in half-light were
pretty nasty looking.  But the way Ben was acting, he didn't
want to probe him more now for fear of setting their
progress back.  He'd wait him out for a little bit longer,
before trying again or if need be calling in professional
help.  Ray was scared, unsure what more he could do for his
friend, except to just be there for him.  He took one of his
hands and brushed it lightly against Ben's face, careful of
the bruising and scrapes there, "I love you Benny.  Don't
worry we'll get through this."  At his words Ben pulled his
hand slowly out from Ray's and gradually turned his face
away from the caress, turning on his side and away from Ray.

Ray briefly closed his eyes, trying not to take the brush
off too personally.  He swallowed quickly and then sighed as
he got up to fix the lighting in the apartment.  He noticed
that the light bulbs had been purposely smashed and just
needed to be removed and replaced.  He knew his friend's
sparse apartment as if it were his own and located the spare
bulbs quickly, replacing the one's in the kitchen and
bathroom first.  Leaving the light on in the kitchen and the
lantern on in the bedroom, he fixed the one in the bedroom;
but made sure not to turn it on, so as not to startle Ben,
who seemed to be sleeping now.  While Ben slept he picked up
the clutter that was on the floors of each room.  But before
long a sharp cry had him up and running into the bedroom.
Ben had thrown off the comforter and was no longer on the
bed.  Ray noticed that he was back in the same huddled
position he'd found him in when he first came into the
apartment, but this time curled up into a corner of the
bedroom.  When he approached to help him back up, as soon as
he touched him, Ben flinched and whimpered trying to back
further into an unresisting wall.  Ray didn't want to do
this, but he needed help, so he pulled out his cellular
phone and called in for an ambulance.  This was more than
just a good night's sleep and his taking care of him was
going to fix.  He felt his heart breaking, "Oh Benny, please
come back to me."

Before the paramedics got there, he had managed once again
to gain Ben's trust and was allowed to get near him.  The
paramedics entered and called out "Detective Vecchio?"  Ray
signalled "Over here."  Seeing the strangers in his home,
Ben looked bewildered and petrified.  He was shaking
again and clamped onto Ray's hand, at the same
time as he was using Ray to hide behind.  "Its ok Benny.
They're here to help.  They're friends."  One of the
paramedics turned on the bedroom light and that's when all
hell broke loose.  Ray was unable to control Fraser then,
eventually resulting in the paramedics having to sedate him.

As they wheeled Ben out of the apartment, the paramedic
asked "What happened?"  Ray just dejectedly shook his head,
walking alongside the gurney with his hand protectively on
his friend's arm, "I don't know.  I found him like this 2
hours ago.  I thought he'd snap out of it, and talk to me,
but he's just gotten worse."

Fraser had come out of the sedation while being wheeled into
the emergency room.  He wasn't as uncontrollable as before,
instead he was lethargic, except for when they tried to send
Ray away, he became agitated and distressed.  Ray was
allowed to stay while they examined him, because his
presence seemed to have a calming influence on Ben, who
still wasn't talking, so they figured Ray may be able to
answer some of their questions as well.  Although he wasn't
entirely convinced of it himself, Ray tried to smile and
reassure his friend during the examination, "Its ok Ben.
I'm here.  Its gonna be alright."

When the doctor turned Ben over onto his stomach and Ray saw
for the first time the amount of bruising and abuse on his
friend's back, thighs and buttocks, sudden realization hit
him and he felt sick to his stomach.  "Aw shit." he
whispered to himself and cast his eyes away from what the
doctor was doing and concentrated on the mane of dark hair
that was under his hand.  He talked to Ben to distract him,
and in return himself, "Benny did I ever tell you about the
time my cousin Angelo and I..."   He rambled on and on
telling one stupid story after another, all the while
soothing his friend as best he could.  At some point they
gave Fraser something to help him sleep and he was out.

Ray was thankful to finally hear the words, "We're done
here, take him to a private room on the 3rd floor."  As they
wheeled Fraser out, the doctor put his hand out to stop Ray
from following.  "Mr. Vecchio, thanks for your help.  I know
that must have been rough on you.  I think you know what
happened to your friend.  He was brutally beaten and raped.
His physical injuries although painful and uncomfortable
will heal in time.  What I'm most concerned about is his
mental state.  We've got a good psychiatric team here at the
hospital, so I'd like to refer Mr. Fraser to Dr. Lowell, if
that's alright with you; seeing as you're listed as his next
of kin.  Dr. Lowell is one of our best and has dealt with a
number of rape cases, a few of which specifically involved
male victims."  Ray who had felt as if he'd been talking
non-stop for hours was suddenly struck speechless.  "Mr.
Vecchio?"  Ray found his voice again. "Um, yeah, thanks
doctor, that'll be fine." 

The doctor continued, "I know you're a cop, so you realize
that the examination results will be reported.  It would
have been best if he hadn't showered first.  We could have
preserved more evidence."  Ray swallowed, "I know.  But
that's where I found him, in the shower."  The doctor looked
sincerely apologetic when he shared the next bit of
information, as he placed a comforting hand on Ray's arm. "I
don't want to upset you any more, but I feel that you should
know.  From the amount and type of marks, bruising and
tears, I'd have to say that you're friend was attacked by
maybe 2 or more men.  I'm sorry.  Can I answer any questions
for you?"  Ray, felt kind of uncomfortable with this next
question, but decided it needed to be asked, "Will you be
doing an AIDs test on him?" Again that sympathetic look,
"Yes.  We took blood samples and will run tests.  Its common
practice in cases like this.  I'm glad Mr. Fraser has a
friend like you.  He's going to need you."  Ray, although
exhausted mentally and physically, asked if he could stay
with Ben, because he was afraid to leave him alone with
strangers.  Permission was readily given and the doctor
seemed pleased that he even asked.

Walking into the hospital room he saw Ben lying on the bed
as peacefully as the medication would allow.  In the light
he could see the damage that had been afflicted on his face.
He'd been assured that there would be no major scarring to
mar his lover's beautiful face, but he knew the scars on the
inside would be another matter.  Ray reached a hand out to
push at the hair that was falling down over Ben's forehead,
then caressed his temple lightly.  Ray amended his promise
from earlier to, "Benny they'll pay for what they did to
you.  I promise you, I'll find and kill those bastards."  He
leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on his lover's split
and swollen lips.  He wished for it to do so, but
unfortunately his kisses weren't going to take away the
wounds and pain Ben was going and would go through.

He hadn't been in the room long before he fell asleep in a
chair by the bed.  His sleep was interrupted by a whispered
"Vecchio" and a hand shaking his shoulder.  Startled awake
he responded, "Oh, its you.  Thanks for coming in overtime
on this."  It was Detective Huey, the cop assigned to
Fraser's case.  Before he had fallen asleep, Ray had called
Welsh at home and asked for his help on this one.  He
trusted his boss to keep this low profile, but at the same
time ensure that the case would get full attention.  Ray
wanted to be on the case, but Welsh insisted he was too
close to it and he knew Ray's temper all too well.  Welsh
had compromised with him, by assigning Fraser's case to
Detective Huey and promised Ray that they would keep him in
the loop as they got information and developments.  "How's
he doing?", asked a concerned Huey, motioning to Fraser who
was still asleep.  Ray told him what he knew and was told
that Huey had already been by Fraser's place on his way over
to the hospital.  He'd talked to Fraser's neighbor Mr.
Mustafi and a couple of the others.  Mr. Mustafi reported
hearing around 6:30 PM, what sounded like Fraser's door
opening and closing then a short time later, something
dropping to the floor.  At that point he'd had his tv on
loud, so if there was more noise than that he hadn't heard
it. "Thanks." Ray then gave his co-worker a no nonsense,
"Huey don't let me down on this one.  Its personal."

After Detective Huey had left, Ray had called his mother to
let her know where he was and he wouldn't be home for a
while.  He didn't tell her the whole story, just that Fraser
had been roughed up and he was going to stay with him.  She
was ready to come down to the hospital right then and there,
but he insisted that she stay put and keep anyone else -
namely Frannie - away for now.  After that he made himself
as comfortable as possible in the chair next to Fraser's bed
and fell asleep again with his head as near to Fraser's as
he could.

He had been sleeping for a few hours, when eventually he
couldn't shake the feeling that someone was watching him.
As he gradually roused himself, he found it to be true.
When Ray opened his eyes he saw that Fraser was awake and
watching him sleep.  "Good morning Ray."  Although Fraser's
voice sounded raspy and weak, Ray couldn't help but give his
friend a radiant smile at the best thing he could have heard
and seen upon waking up.  Fraser reached out and touched
Ray's scratchy cheek, "Ray"  "Yeah...", Ray waited eagerly
to hear what his friend would say.  "You need a shave."  Ray
smiled again, as he clasped the hand at his cheek and
quickly kissed it, "Thanks for the beauty tip Fraser. I'll
take it under advisement."  Ben gave him a haunted puzzled
look then and choked out, "Ray, how did I get here?".  Ray
didn't want to go into detail, which he was sure his friend
wanted, but told him only, "I came by your apartment last
night to pick you up for dinner and found you were hurt, so
I called for an ambulance.  Do you remember anything about
what happened?"  Ben started to get visibly anxious,
so Ray distracted him, "Its ok Benny.  Hey, are you hungry?
I can go scrounge us up some breakfast?"  Ben half-smiled,
"Sure."  But he wasn't giving Ray his hand back yet, as a
multi-layered "Thanks Ray." came out of him.  He then
released Ray's captive hand allowing him to go on his
mission, which Ray promised him he'd return from soon.

Ray had stopped by the nurse's station to let them know Ben
was awake and talking again.  He also asked about
getting some breakfast for him and a toiletry kit for
himself.  He kept his promise to Ben and returned quickly
only to find his friend sleeping again.  But this time it
was a natural sleep rather than drug induced.  He took this
time to clean himself up in the bathroom.  While he was in
there a doctor entered Fraser's room.  Ray rapidly finished
what he was doing and went into the bedroom, to lend support
to his friend and also out of curiosity.  Fraser was awake
again and the man was introducing himself to Ben as Dr.
Richard Lowell.  Ray made his presence known after their
introductions were made, "Dr. Lowell I'm Ray Vecchio.  A
friend of Ben's."  The doctor seemed to recognize the name
"Ah yes, Dr. Schirra mentioned you might be here.  Nice to
meet you.  But would you mind giving Mr. Fraser and I some
time alone?  Please?"  Ray could see Fraser wasn't too
comfortable with the idea of him being sent away while some
stranger talked to him.  Fraser spoke up, "Can't he stay?"
"I think it would be best if we spoke alone first, then your
friend can come back later.  Ok?"  Ray picked up on the
commanding tone from the doctor, "Its ok Ben.  I'll be right
outside and back before you know it."

Ten minutes later Dr. Lowell left the room and Ray went back
in.  Fraser's face was turned to the window, facing away
from Ray as he approached the bed.  He sat down on the part
of the bed not occupied by Ben.  As Fraser rolled over to
face him, Ray realized he had seen many expressions on his
friend's face before, but sulky was a first for him.  "You
could've stayed.  He really didn't have anything worthwhile
to say.  And it wasn't much of a conversation.  At least
with you there it would have been more entertaining.  Ray,
did you approve a psychiatrist for me?"  Ray cast his eyes
away, so as not to look at those accusing betrayed eyes,
"Yes...  When I found you last night, you were scared.  And
you scared the hell out of me too.  You wouldn't talk to me.
You hadn't talked to me the whole time we were together; not
until I woke up this morning.  I was worried and the doctor
that examined you last night recommended Dr. Lowell." As if
letting a wayward child off the hook, "I understand Ray.
Its ok.  But I don't need a psychiatrist.  Just some bed
rest and time to heal. I'll be fine."  Ray wanted to believe
this, but was only half-convinced "Sure.  Whatever you say
Benny."

Fraser had steadfast refused further treatment at the
hospital after the first day there.  When he found out about
it, he was also upset with Ray for having gotten Welsh and
Huey involved.  He had them drop the case, refusing to
pursue it, no matter how vehemently Ray pleaded with him to
continue.  Ben was trying to pretend like nothing happened
and that it was business as usual.  He signed himself out of
the hospital that evening and Ray reluctantly drove him back
to his apartment.  The prolonged silences and awkwardness
between them on the ride over was worrying a normally
talkative Ray.  Fraser had become a stranger to him with
every hour that passed.  As they entered the apartment, Ray
was glad he'd cleaned the place up a bit, so it wouldn't
bear reminders of the hellish night before.

The first thing Fraser did when the door opened was cast his
eyes around as if searching for something and then a veil of
sadness passed over his face.  Ray realized what that
something was, when he caught Fraser's eyes lingering on
Dief's bowl on the kitchen floor.  Ray had been wondering
where the wolf had gone to.  It was such a tempermental
creature, that sometimes came and went as it pleased, that
he just assumed Dief had been with someone else, like Willy
or Jasmine or patrolling the neighborhood with the 'wild
bunch'.  He started to have a bad feeling now based on his
friend's behavior.  But still he tried to reassure his
friend of his beloved wolf's absence, "Don't worry.  I'm
sure Dief'll be home soon."  Fraser's voice came out harsh
as he snapped through a clenched jaw, "No he won't!", as he
walked quickly away from Ray and into the bedroom.  "Oh
God", Ray thought to himself as a shiver ran down his spine,
"Dief must have been with Benny.  Whoever killed you Dief,
must have had quite a fight on their hands."  He silently
sent out a prayer of thanks to the wolf for giving his life
in defense of his master.

Ben was straightening things that didn't need straightening,
as Ray walked up behind him and placed a comforting arm
around his shoulders.  "I'm sorry about Dief.  I know you
loved that wolf.  I'll miss him too."  The Benny who turned
to face him wasn't 'his' Benny... he couldn't be.  As his
arm was shrugged off, the angry words that came out of this
stranger's mouth stung, "No you won't.  You didn't even like
him.  Don't lie to me Ray.  You always complained about him.
If it wasn't his fur or his breath, it was something else."
He couldn't deny that he did complain about the wolf, but he
did like Dief and he thought Fraser had known that.  All Ray
could manage to reply was a hurt "Benny?".  As Fraser
avoided Ray by walking into the kitchen now, he could just
make out the whispered "Dief was the lucky one.".   It was
said as if Ben hadn't realized it was spoken out loud.  Ray
prayed for the strength to get them both through this
nightmare together and in one piece.

He followed his lover into the kitchen, "Benny talk to me.
Believe it or not I can be a good listener.  Just please
don't shut me out, ok?  I love you too much to see you
hurting like this.  You're pain is mine."  The eyes that now
looked at him, were harder and less innocent than he ever
remembered seeing them before and he cursed those who had
caused this terrible change in those beautiful eyes.  Fraser
instead of being calmed by his words, had actually become
more angry than before, "What do you know of 'my' pain Ray?
You weren't there.  Where were you anyway?  Flirting with
Louise?  Making love to Louise?"  Fraser was the angriest
he'd ever seen him; he couldn't recall seeing his friend
ever 'really' angry before.  Ray instinctively pulled back a
little at the ferocity aimed at him, as Fraser really let
him have it now, "You were supposed to pick me up at the
consulate Ray.  When I called for you, Elaine said she saw
you leaving by the back stairwell with Louise.  Dief and I
walked home Ray.  Are you listening Ray?  You say you're
such a good listener, well here's some more.  We didn't
quite make it home.  Dief ran into an alleyway nearby here
when he sensed someone in trouble.  I followed after him.
It was too late by the time I realized it was a ruse to get
me in there.  There was a man on the ground pretending to be
hurt.  As I approached to help him, I was jumped by the
other 2 who had been in the shadows."  Fraser paused to
catch a shaky breath as Ray tried to reach out for his
friend, but again his hand was bruskly shrugged off.  Ray
stood rooted in place and wanted so badly for this to be all
just a bad dream he'd wake up from soon, but he knew it
wasn't, as Ben continued.  "Dief tried to help me... he
ended up getting smacked in the head with a hard blunt
object for his trouble, while I tried to fend off the other
2 and then 3.  I tried... um... I tried to stop them from...
Oh god... I felt so helpless... I can still smell them; they
reeked of alcohol... I still feel them all over me and it
disgusts me... I still taste them and I want to vomit... I
keep seeing and hearing them Ray.  They won't go away.  I
just want them to go away.  Make them go away."  Ray's
approach and embrace wasn't cast off this time as Ben sobbed
in his arms.  "I'm sorry Benny.  I'm so sorry I wasn't there
for you."  Ray's silent tears of empathy and remorse
intermingled with those of Ben's, as he held on tightly to
the one person in the world, he had promised himself he
would never hurt again and somehow found that he had.

He held onto him for so long he lost track of time. At some
point the racking sobs and then shuddering breaths ended in
a half-sleep and he was able to manuever them to the floor
as Fraser slept with his head on Ray's chest and shoulder.
He sat there watching his friend's restless sleep and knew
this wouldn't be the end of their suffering.  He felt as if
the damage to their relationship was irreparable.  Not only
would Ben see him as having let him down; how could Ben ever
want to make love to him again after this?  But Ray decided
then that he would be there for him in whatever way he
wanted.  Even if it meant going back a few steps in their
relationship, to before they were lovers.  The thought of
that hurt, but it would be more painful not to have Fraser
in his life at all.

A week passed, Ray had managed to visit with Ben every day,
but the visits became shorter and shorter as Fraser became
more and more distant from him.  Until one day he'd come by
Ben's apartment and was stopped in the hall by Mr. Mustafi,
"I have something here for you.  I was going to bring it by
the precinct as he asked, but now that you're here... just
wait a minute while I get it."  Mustafi was back in the hall
in minutes and handed Ray an envelope with his name printed
on the front.  Ray was afraid to touch it, let alone open
it, but he took it from Mustafi's hand, "Thanks."  Mustafi
replied as he went back into his apartment, "You're welcome.
He was a good neighbor.  I'll miss him.  Good night."

The last time he'd gotten an envelope like this from Fraser,
had been during Victoria's return in Ben's life, the letter
he'd found on Dief's cage at the vet had torn him up inside.
He was afraid to open this one, already knowing part of what
it would say.  Later that night, in the privacy of his room
at home, with trembling hands he opened the dreaded letter.

	Dear Ray,

	I'm sorry, but by the time you read this I will be on 	
	my way home.  I've been granted a transfer back to the
	Territories.  I tried urban life and found that Gerard
	was right, it doesn't suit me.  Its best this way.

	Good-bye,

	Ben

"Damn you Benny!", he cried as he crumpled up the letter and
threw it as far away from him as possible, "You couldn't
tell me this in person?  I thought I mattered to you more
than this."

Almost a month had gone by since Fraser had left him.  Ray's
cynicism and sarcasm had increased two-fold, starting to
really grate on his co-workers nerves at the precinct.  His
work was suffering and his moods were unpredictable.  It was
on this day though that he noticed something unusual about 2
suspects brought into the precinct.  One of the men had what
looked like claw mark scars on his arm and was wearing a
wolf's tooth necklace, the other had on a watch he knew
well, since it was the one he'd given Fraser for his
birthday.  Before anyone could have stopped him, he was out
of his chair and at the nearest man's throat in a heartbeat,
"You bastards!".  It took 2 officers to pry him loose from
the object of his hate.  He struggled with his co-workers in
his frenzy to get to the men again, as the suspects were led
quickly away from him, all the while he shouted out "I'll
kill you both!".  Still breathing hard, he was enraged, but
felt himself coming back to his senses as a loud commanding
"Vecchio!  In my office NOW!" penetrated his blind anger.
He stopped struggling and was released from their hold,
allowed to go to Welsh's office.  He took a deep breath,
clenched his fists at his sides and not looking at the faces
staring at him, walked as calmly as he could muster into
Welsh's office.

Welsh was steamed, "You've been a bigger pain in the ass
these past couple of weeks than ever before.  Now this.
What's with you Ray?"  Ray glared at his boss, as he
explained his actions, "Those are two of the men that raped
Fraser.  I recognized the watch I gave Ben for his birthday
on one of them and that other scumbag had clawmarks on his
arm and was wearing a wolf's tooth necklace."  Welsh
sympathetically looked at him now, as he motioned for Ray to
sit down, "I'm starting to understand now, but I can't have
my detectives go off like that and make threats.  Do you
understand me?  If those are the bastards, then we'll see
that we do this by the book and nail them.  Got it?"  Ray
was still angry, but had calmed down considerably, "What are
they being booked for?"  Welsh seemed to debate with himself
about how much he should tell his irate detective, "They
were brought in for another rape case.  Unfortunately the
victim died.  There were originally three suspects, but one
was shot and killed by one of the officers who arrived on
the scene."  Ray gave a feral smile at that bit of news, "I
want to congratulate that officer.  Just wish he'd gotten
all three."  Welsh gave him a severe look, "I'll pretend I
didn't hear that.  I want your word, you won't take matters
into your own hands.  Don't do anything that'll jeopardize
us taking these guys down Ray.  Promise me."  Ray
reluctantly gave his word to stay off the case and keep his
hands off the suspects.  However he made sure he knew every
detail of the current case and was there at their trials, to
ensure they got what they deserved.  He was pleased to see
some justice served, when both men were given long term
sentences in a maximum security prison.

Six months had passed since Fraser had left, but still he
missed him.  His life had straightened itself out a little
bit after the trials and he had even gone to visit Dr.
Lowell a few times to help sort himself out.  It helped
somewhat, but he still didn't feel complete.  On this day,
while he was in the cramped isolated records closet in the
precinct basement, he heard footsteps behind him and a
voice, which he only heard now in his dreams, say "I'm
looking for a Detective Armani."  He was afraid to turn
around thinking he was in one of those dreams now.
Gathering his courage, he turned to face the apparition of
his ex-lover.  When his hallucination touched him on the arm
and said "Hello Ray.  I've really missed you.", somehow he
found himself enveloped in those arms he thought he'd never
feel again and then those lips he believed he'd never taste
again were on his.  When they parted he breathed out "Boy
did I need that.  What took you so long?"  Fraser was
smiling at him and there was a look in his eye that Ray had
truly missed, the one which desired him, needed him, wanted
him.  "I'm not staying long Ray.  I'm just here for you.  I
have a proposition for you."  Ray's eyebrow was slightly
raised at this, "I'm liking this already.  I'm listening."
Fraser's blue eyes gazed deep into his own, "When I left, I
ran away, and in cowardice left you just that letter.  When
I finally stopped running and looked behind me, I realized I
had left the most important part of my life behind... you.
I've rebuilt my dad's cabin, for the most part, and as I
built it I subconsciously had you in mind the whole time.  I
ended up building it with electricity, indoor water, plans
for a satellite dish and other amenities that I knew you'd
like.  That's when I realized how much I missed you and
wanted you to be there with me.  I saved some of the cabin
to be built by us both.  Afterall you did promise me once,
you'd help me.  And I figured I'd let you pick out the
bathroom.  Come with me Ray."  The stunned look on Ray's
face, was returned with a worried one on Fraser's.  Finally
the silence was broken, "I'll come with you on one
condition."  An eager Fraser responded, "Anything."  Ray
gave him a mischievous smile, and tugged at his lover's
face, "I'm sorry, but the beard's gotta go Benny.  I don't
want to move in with Grizzly Adams.  I want to be there with
you."  The End 

Being There has a sequel! It is called Wash Me Clean, you
might want to go and read that now. It's on the Archive too