Disclaimer: All this is my alternate Due South Universe , Alternate Ray , Alternate Fraser , Alternate Chicago . I dont pretend to any accuracy whatsoever.

The real Due South Characters are the property of Alliance and Paul Haggis and a host of others I don't know about. I dont mean to infringe their legal rights posting this speculative fiction . All inconsistencies are mine .

This is M/M I dont know what it rates but there is no sex. It's just VERY purple prose . I believe its called slash-angst , but I could be wrong (I often am)

I finally got the guts to post this coz my buddy HsuLyn said I should . So if you hate this, go tell her - its all her fault. :-D No seriously , any comments bad or good or just indifferent and want to say 'Hi!' can be sent to leelas@pl.jaring.my

--by Audrey Lee

Ray Vecchio had had enough . He'd been sitting there staring at the dial on the clock for exactly thirty nine minutes now . This had to end , here and now . No more Mr. Nice Guy . The mountie had gone too far .Ray didn't mind the occasional free ride , the-once-in-while 'please Ray I really need your help' kind of favour , but this took the cake .

Shifting around in his seat , Ray started the engine swearing to himself that he was not going to be suckered into these errand-boy jobs ever again .. The mountie could pick up his own laundry , or rather his superior's laundry .

' Well speak of the devil', thought Ray ,as Ben Fraser appeared in the rear view mirror carrying an armful of rather exotic gowns and assorted pastel suits . Ray toyed with the idea of pulling the car away from the kerb , just to see Fraser's expression but his conscience quelled his instinctive maliciousness .

Fraser clambered into the green hulk of a car ,out of breath and flushed from running after depositing his burden carefully on the back seat . He gulped his thanks and apology which Ray answered with a grunt . They drove for several seconds before Ray launched into his preplanned complaint with his classic candour and brio .He'd also worked up a good head of steam.

" No more okay , no more! This is THE last favour I'm gonna do for you involving laundry and The Dragon Lady . Last , do you hear me .I have HAD it !"

Fraser finally took his eyes off the road and the vehicles which Ray managed to miss and darted a quick ,assessing glance at his bad-tempered friend . ' Is he angry with me? ', he wondered and felt a twinge for being such trouble .

'Damn right!' ,thought Ray fuming ,guessing that Fraser had finally noticed his less than happy disposition and refused to look at his meekly waiting partner , who was quietly anticipating in the proverbial eye of the storm . Ray refused to grant him that satisfaction . If Fraser thought he was gonna blow his top and go into hystrionics , well he was wrong. He'd said his piece ,it was up to Fraser to accept that he couldn't just take him for granted like that all the time . It was also up to Fraser to stew in guilt and be truly contrite so that Ray wouldn't wrap the Riv around a tree just to pay him back for his pains . This wasn't his real Riv anyway. *His* Riv had been 'murdered ' , twice . This was just a cheap replacement , not his baby . He could get another .

Inscrutably , Fraser had the uncommon urge to unleash a joke which had suddenly made itself the focus of his brain . Some misguided part of his mental processess seemed to feel that a little laughter would lighten the tension in the car . Rather unwisely considering the situation, he punned ," Shakespeare once said 'Come not between a dragon and his wrath ' or in this case Come not between the Dragon Lady and her laundry ha ,ha, h --"

" GET OUT OF MY CAR !"

Eye's wide with confusion Fraser stared at the puce-colored man beside him ." But the car's still moving Ray" .

" EXACTLY ."

Suffice to say that the dark look Ray shot him immobilised him ,the way a two-inch tack would pin back a dessicated butterfly on a cork board . More than that Ray was truly furious , so furious that he missed completely the stopsign , the traffic cop on the sidewalk signalling him to pull over and the group of Japanese tourists beginning to cross the road .Fraser forebore mentioning the driving violations . Discretion was the better part of valour and he had contributed to Ray's foul mood , he had to admit . He let it pass although every particle in his body struggled with the two related desires: to perform a citizen's arrest on his friend and to wrest control of the car from his clearly ,temporarily unhinged, fellow law enforcer .

At least Ray wasn't truly serious about shoving him out of a moving car . He had been on his share of white-knuckle rides but this beat them all . 'Wonder if Ray ever considered a career as a stunt driver ?' he thought wildly as the Riv screeched its way round another corner . Finally they arrived at the consulate . When Ray didn't kill the engine Fraser turned to him as he exited the car grabbing the pile of laundry ,and said ," I guess you 'll be wanting to go home now . Ray I'm really sorry --"

Ray didn't wait for the entire apology . He gunned the engine of the Riv and drove round the lake route , down Wasser Drive and reflected on the shimmering haze of the mirrorlike skyscrapers hugging the riverside road .

He was tired of hearing how sorry he was , the sincere contrition in the Mountie's deep,clear voice evident. Fraser always knew when to ladle it out .. He'd wait till Ray was right near boiling point ,at 99 degrees Celsius, and then he'd throw in a couple of icecubes worth of 'sorry' -s and 'thank you kindly'-s and 'you're a good friend '-s . If Fraser kept talking , he was just going to forgive him and by next week he was gonna have to go through all this all over again .

Well , no more . The mountie could go find some other dumb schmuck to gopher round for him .If Elaine or Frannie or whomever thought he was being too harsh or petty , let *them* spend as much time as he did with the obtuse Canadian , then they'd see his point of view .

The man was so irritating .He was so confusing sometimes . Always the boyscout , the perfect mountie ,everybody's golden boy .Well he , Raymond Vecchio , was tired of that sort of selfless existence or non-existence ,to be more appropriate . He knew the Mountie was human , he knew the man could be upset and angry or embarassed or frightened . But did he let it show , even just a little bit ,for a little while ? No . He ignored all his emotions , put them on the back-burner while he lived the life of 'Supermountie' .

'Couldn't he try to be more human , express himself more , be more emotionally open with me , his purported best and only friend ? Look , Fraser even got me defending him . Jeez , can't escape the mountie even when I'm alone . I need to get a life . ' Ray resolved to call every number in his little black book till he was set up for dates for the next few years or so . Then he'd have a legit. excuse to turn down Fraser's untimely requests for asistance . He felt a shaft of guilt .

Manufacturing ways to avoid his friend made him feel like a heel but he didn't think that an all out confrontation would benefit either of them than gradually withdrawing from the charmed circle of their friendship . He had to make a stand . Feelings like this couldn't be ignored forever and express them he would, albeit indirectly . Fraser wasn't that dense as much as he like to pretend to be , he'd guess his reasons for becoming more detached . They were just too close , and life was pressing in on their relationship now. Friends like them couldn't stay friends when one didn't always know what the other thought . The dynamics of their relationship was different from the norm too . They were friends and partners , entrusting lives to each other . He felt close to the mountie but they never talked , really talked , mano a mano . And the mountie didn't always know how he felt either , subscribing to the theory that one man's opinion wasn't always anothers, that one couldn't tell what was in another's heart . He never pried . Never questioned . Whatever weird thing he did was just a quirk , 'it's what Ray does ' and no questions asked . And what Fraser did was only logical or based on his observation or his superior judgement ot whatever . It was what Fraser thought necessary for the job . Even dressing up like a woman that time ,was what he thought would get the job done . Nothing wrong with a little undercover stuff but that *was*a bit much !

That was what separated them , a gulf that neither could bridge . They were too different , too alike also . Too close to see what was wrong with their strange unquestioning bond . They were friends by virtue of their stylistic dissimilarity . It was that inexplicable .

And Ray had puzzled on it for about three months , sorting through the tangle of their friendship . They were companions but not confidants , empathic but not understanding , friends but they never did what buddies did.

A logical part of him realised he had built up his antagonism over a long period but he'd not consciously realised it till recently , till a kind of dissatisfaction set in . The same logical part also told him that he was being too emotional , making a mountain out of a molehill again . It was how he and Angie drifted apart , he'd kept silent about what bothered him and she'd kept silent about what worried her .Maybe if they had talked .....Well it looked like he was about to do the same with the mountie . It was just that he didn't know how to start a conversation like that with him , to talk about how he felt about their relationship .*He* didn't even know how he felt about it .

That was exactly it. He knew he was pissed off but he didn't know why . It certainly wasn't about the waiting and the laundry . That was a smoke screen if he was honest . Irritated maybe ,in that instance, and feeling a little manipulated . Still this feeling(was it pain?) niggled him . He sighed , driving unseeingly past the city's sights ,concentrating on the little ache inside him , allowing himself to wallow a little . By the time he hit the suburbs he had calmed down considerably . There was a bitter taste in his mouth from expending all that temper , he knew he'd have to face Fraser soon and tell him how he felt before he lost his momentum and courage .

The Riv eased to a halt before the brown tiled town house which was his home and his family's home since before he was born . The beige walls looked the same but they didn't feel as welcoming anymore . Too many things had changed . When he moved to the downtown apartment with Angie ,he'd thought that this house would pass on , that he'd move on leaving behind all the crap with his dad that he associated with the house . Instead , ten years later he was still living with his mother and sister's and additionally a whole passel of nephews and nieces . And he still suffered from dreams about his late father .

Now the house seemed more like a temporary resting place .Comfortable but not comforting pretty much summed up his feelings about the house . He could let down his guard but he never felt like he belonged in a house full of women and laughing children . He loved them of course , they were his family , but sometimes......

Melancholy was a strange state of being . One could be alert and aware but still not be able to help oneself . It was like being insane and knowing it.

Ray locked up the car and entered the uncommonly silent house . 'They must be out shopping', he thought ruefully , imagining the state of his account once Frannie and his Mom maxed his credit card . Crossing the hall he reached out to turn the power knob on the radio . Strains of Fifties/Sixties pop echoed throughout the hollow room . Frannie's channel of choice obviously .

Gunning for the fridge he shrugged out of jacket and holster , toed off his shoes in the dusk darkened living room of the ramshakcle house where he 'd spent almost his entire life . The pictures and little ornaments strewn all over filled him with nostalgia for a time when he didn't know the difference between right and wrong , when he respected his father, when he didn't have to fight to retain his sense of self .

The ice cold Bud soothed all the aching stresses of his body . He felt the easy slide of the cold liquid in his parched throat ,tasting it as one would manna from heaven . The sensation of cold on hot skin prickled his awareness , he raised a hand to wipe away the golden drops which trailed down his chin and splashed down his shirt front . Leaning loose-limbed against the counter he savoured the beer , swilling it round his mouth , feeling the burst of countless bubbles against his teeth . He lapped at the mouth of the bottle , not wanting to waste a single drop . He had that bone-melting feeling he always got when he finally had something he anticipated ,dreamt of having for a long ,secret time . The wait made it all the more enjoyable .

This was his weekly beer , the only drink he allowed himself . He was never going to turn out like his drunk of a father . He closed his eyes and downed more beer , feeling the skin of his chest prickle as condensation dripped down his chest , wetting his shirt further . He stayed like that a long while , drowning his senses in beer and inconsequential music . Finally when the bottle emptied Ray shoved himself off the counter , dropped the bottle into the bin marked 'Glass' (one of Frannie's new ideas about recycling he noted)and trudged upstairs for a soak and a good night's rest .

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Benton Fraser stood gazing raptly at the scene played out as if only for him , caught in the freeze frame of time and bordered in by the dark-beamed windows . Ray , his friend and partner, stood eeriely still in the darkened kitchen of his home ,apparently drinking some beer . He'd come over to apologise , knowing that Ray's temper was always shortlived and that he didn't meant it usually.But this time something was different , as if he held back what really bothered him .This troubled Fraser more than being screamed at or having his life endangered by Ray's somewhat erratic driving.

Fraser had knocked on the front door hard ,but no one answered . At first he thought no one was home but then his keen hearing picked out the radio , several pubescent voices were exhorting the world to twist and shout for some strange reason . The Vecchio household doorbell had been shortcircuited by the three little whirldwinds which lived in it and Ray had put off fixing it . Fraser gave himself a mental note and resolved to volunteer to fix it when Ray was away . Mrs. Vecchio was always glad for the help . Ray however would feel indebted and get mad at him and his mom . He'd sulk and act as if slighted , as if Fraser's little acts of generosity detracted from his status as man of the house . Of course , Ray was an adult and he knew nothing could replace him in his family's hearts , it merely pleased him to act up so, he thought .

He was about to rapp against the screen door of the kitchen exit when he spotted Ray leaning into the fridge . Ray straightened and in his hand he held a beer . With a leisure that seemed unusual for such a highly strung man , he sipped at the beverage then wrapped his lips round the mouth of the brown bottle . He arched his head back, dropping his nape in a peculiarly submissive gesture almost as if he was releasing some pent up emotion in that tilt of his dark head . The beer ran down his chin and neck , creating a dark patch on his chest. He raised his left hand and wiped his mouth and jaw , his quick pink tongue lapping up stray droplets around his lips . Ray seemed to smile then caressing the bottle he shut his eyes and took another gulp .

Fraser watched his long tapering fingers slide round the slim bottleneck and felt his brow suddenly bead up with cold sweat . His chest appeared to get wetter , the patch spreading to cover his breast and torso , but Ray still drank ,clearly exhilarating in his liquid refreshment. Fraser had the sudden urge to catch the rivulets trailing down his straining neck , his breath catching as his glazed eyes followed the water droplet on its way down past the collar and onto Ray's front . He could see Ray's nipples , dark and very erotic , plastered against the navy blue of his shirt . Ray made an incredibly beautiful tableau , the hidden planes of his face illuminated by the ascending moon , that characteristic nose , those dark eyes now totally shaded by the lengthening shadows and his long ,langourous body draped so elegantly against the kitchen counter. He couldn't take his eyes off the sight of Ray's relaxed , amiable and very sensual face .

'Was this how he looked when he made love ?' That thought crept in before he had time to examine or stop it . My god, did he find Ray attractive or was it just the boundaries of their undefined friendship crossing with his lack of a social life ?

His eyes flickered ,worried now by the rush of emotion that he'd long ago learnt to stanch as a child . Then ,it had been painful , a father's silent undemonstrative love . Later it had been his relationships with women , initiated by them and in the guise of eternal love they hurt him deeply with their casual attitude to his affections . He'd learnt to mask any interest , to avoid any sort of complication , putting all his energies to better use catching criminals in the wilds of Canada .

And now he had that same feeling again but different too . The excitement, the anticipation of seeing and hearing and touching was the same , the giddy warmth and the breathlessness all came back to him . The knowledge that he and Ray shared something special , a friendship , not based on sexual attraction , gave this feeling a new and deeper dimension .But it was all tinged with a hopelessness born of his cowardice and Ray's emotional inviolability . He knew he could never get Ray to care about him in the way that he wanted , needed . Their sexuality was beside the point . Ray was an intensively responsive person . He reacted from his heart and Fraser feared that in his heart Ray did love him , but as a man would love another ; he doubted that Ray even liked him . Even without being riddled with thousands of years of sexual and Christian taboo and social mores , Ray would still never see him as a lover , someone to belong to , someone to care and worry about , to hang one's happiness on . Fraser breathed a ragged sigh .

He was in love with Ray Vecchio ,a very unobtainable Ray Vecchio.

Ray had finished his beer and disappeared through the lighted hallway, blithely unaware . He could hear his heavy steps as he trod on the boards of the staircase , whistling a slow sweet tune , familiar and elusive. He leant against the wall of the house doubled up in a pain he knew would not go away , receed a little perhaps, if he was lucky .He looked up at the lit houses around him all happy families enjoying a quiet enchanted time together . As he turned to go it suddenly hit him what the tune was . It was ' Stranger in Paradise ' . It seemed he also had finally found Paradise but was totally and unequivocally estranged from it .

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The consulate was dark and empty . Was it CanadaDay again ? Fraser was on sentry duty wasn't he ?

Ray kept the engine running by the sidewalk while he leapt out into the cold air . No one was around to answer his knock . Strange . Ray always called at this time of night on his duty nights for the Neighbourhood Watch 24 Hour desk. It was too late and too early for Fraser to get transport back to Racine .

So where was he ? Not a smidgen of that red coat could be seen anywhere . Ray walked round to the back of the building , checking for lights . Nada. He was about to traverse down the back alley when his honed instincts told him to get back to the front of the consulate . He arrived to see a group of young punks harassing a formally dressed couple , obviously intending to enjoy some romance . The tuxedoed man lay sprawled on the floor , bruised and bloody as two hoods taunted him while another held his companion . He pawed her mercilessly ,ripping her dress .

Ray saw red and burst from his crouched position . He whipped out his .48 before shouting a warning . He knew the three were too far apart for him to keep his eye on . The one on the left was a little out of his visual range. " Chicago PD ! Let the lady go . Step away and lay on the floor with your hands behind your heads. NOW!"

At first the boys were stunned and so they complied . Then the boy on the right pushed the man as he was struggling to rise , blocking Ray's line of sight . Then the others tried to make a grab for his gun , peaing at him from opposite sides .

Ray spun , missing one assailant . The other tackled him to the ground . Together they wrestled for his gun . The third tried to silence the screaming woman while his companions kicked and shoved and clawed for Ray's gun .

'Can't let them take it . They'll suspend me if I lose my gun . Can't let go .' Ray thought incoherently as blow after blow numbed his flesh to further pain . He felt his arm gripped by a stronger larger hand . He couldn't feel his fingers . He couldn't see the gun . He could only hear his blood pound in his ears , echoing the pain of his limbs .

Then his gun exploded and he felt nothing .

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He was too late .

He had seen the altercation from across several hundred yards across the park .He 'd gone to help Mary Louise a streetwalker who was being mugged by a skinny youth . She'd thanked him profusely , promising to 'pay' him back in kind . He 'd refused cordially as he left,indicating that he'd already breached his codes of practice by leaving his post . The moment he recognised the dark figure springing to the aid of the giddy couple ,his heart practically stopped . Those boys were 'high' and dangerous .He hoped Ray realised that. He ran as fast as he could toward the figures wrestling in the half-dark of the Chicago streets.

The sound of the shot made his blood run cold and were it not for the momentum he'd built he'd have been stopped dead in his tracks .

' No! No! No! Stay alive Ray !Keep breathing , dear God please let him be alive !' Fraser repeated it as if his mantra could sustain his downed friend .

The two who fought Ray were standing over him . He refused to look at the pale still form lying on the cold cement , his blood dyeing the sidewalk crimson .Fraser punched the bigger one twice and knocked him out cold . He restrained the other equally skillfully . He turned to see the third still holding the woman in a vice . He looked at the boy meaningfully and he dropped the woman and raised his arms in fear . Fraser put him in cuffs ,' Ray's cuff's' he thought , his mind fractured by fear and anger . He used more than necessary force to subdue the chattering youth . He saw that the woman and her friend were safe .

He ran toward the Riv , hands shaking as he wrenched the CB from its holder .

"Officer down !Officer down ! I need an ambulance at the Canadian Consulate stat . He's been shot . He's been shot ."

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He was flying . No ,floating . Softly floating .

Clouds . Banks and banks of clouds for miles and miles . He was alone but he wasn't lonely . In fact he wasn't feeling anything at all . Strange . He was calm and clearheaded .Was there something he had to remember ?

Never mind . The warm blue light was calling him . It was kinda like a giant faceless smile . From behind him he heard a sound not unlike thunder , echoing in the distance but moving ever nearer. He wondered if he should get out of the way of the thing which was obviously in a hurry . Suddenly , the clouds parted . Between two hugely fluffy clouds stood a white haired ...Mountie ?

"Hey, Yank..I mean er..Vecchio ! Wait a minute ! I need to speak to you before you step into that big blue puddle there ." said the man , his voice gruff and grizzly

" Are you Benny's dad?" Ray squeaked ."But you're dead!"

"Yup. That's right . So are you ....about to be anyway .Once you step into

the light there's no going back .By the way ,good powers of observation son .. Very important for a job like your's . What gave it away ? The nose ,right ? Or the eyebrows ? They always said The Famous Fraser eyebrows --"

" No, no .It was the uniform Sir."Ray interrupted .So he was almost dead? He recalled the gunshot and the rememberance brought with it the physical pain of his broken body . What happened now ? Could he refuse to die?

"What did you wanna tell me ? "

Bob Fraser shifted uncomfortably ,not meeting the younger man's eyes ."It's about Ben ",he said finally when an impatient orange glow pulsed above them ,prompting Fraser Senior into speech. Ray looked around ,bewildered .

"It's just the man upstairs telling me to hurry up . So listen...my Ben ...he...has deep feelings for you ...very deep..get me ?"

Ray frowned , as much as one was allowed in the waiting room of Heaven . "Sure. I think . He's my friend ."

"No.No. No." grumbled Bob,shifting restlessly and tugging at his noose of a collar ."Not like that. He ..he loves you boy . Can't you see that ? He loves you , as much as one soul could love another . At one time this would have disgusted me but since I've come here and been dead I mean , I know that its not worth a man's time on earth to worry about such irrelevancies . And that's what they are . I got that from the Man himself so you can go back and quote me on it ."

Ray recovered enough from the revelation that his best friend was in love with him to inquire, " Go back?"

" Yes. You can turn back now and make yourself and my boy happy .Or you can come with me .There's no pain there ,no worries . If you go back to your body you'll be in a lot of pain and there's no guarantee you'll survive but you'll get a chance to find that happiness that you've been praying for . And don't deny you have feelings for my son . I can see it in your eyes . Even now you ache to be with him ,don't you?"

And it was true.He loved Benton Fraser . It was as simple and as complicated as that . All his dithering melancholy and his unfocused anger and depression had been a ruse , a ruse he had conjured to prevent himself from seeing what was so obvious . Elaine was forever asking what he and the mountie did for weekends. Now Ray knew why it was that everyone always thought of them as inseparable ,for they were ,even in death he could not sever his ties with the mountie .

Ray blinked , at a loss for words . But for once he was sure of his own feelings .Sure of what to do .In the time between the twinkling of a star that he decided to return ,he felt himself recede from the cloud-covered place .

He found himself in a dark room , his bed bordered by a curtain . Then a fiery pain made its presence known . His left side burned agonisingly . His torso felt somewhat numb from what he guessed must be the anaesthetic . Something tickled his arm and he reached up to scratch but found his limbs were not responding . He tried again and his hand flopped limply against the bed .

Fraser felt a thud by his head and jerked into total awareness . His eyes met Ray's dazed one's . Hot tears welled in his blue eyes and his throat refused to shout the exultant cry which sang through his body at the knowledge that Ray was alive .

Ray reached out for the touch of human warmth to confirm his return from the dead and also for Fraser's touch , his special touch . Now that he knew he didn't have to hide his feelings from himself . It took death and Fraser's dad ,bless him , to make him cherish this complicated human being who would die for him without a moment's hesitation . The thought sobered him . It also forced him to say the only words which Fraser needed to hear.

" I love you "

XXXXthe endXXXX

Diplomacy : lying in state

Style is knowing who you are , knowing what you want to say and not giving a damn.

Semper Fi .

It's incredib-bible !