debacle: fr. db'cler to unbar, 1: a tumultuous breakup of ice in a river
The lift in Ben's building wasn't working. There was nothing unusual about that, and even when it was working Ray didn't trust it enough to actually use it, but that didn't stop him griping about it all the way up the three flights of stairs to Fraser's apartment. Once he got to the door of apartment 3J he stopped, wondering suddenly what the hell he was doing there.
Hell... hellish... It was a good word for the way he was feeling. In fact, it described perfectly the last two weeks...
He hadn't seen Ben in two weeks. Not since the day he'd been dragged away by his captors, a gun held to his head, and Ben had just stood there and watched him go, still and silent, not giving a sign that he even cared. Of course he'd known that Ben would already be planning some kind of rescue, some crazy plan to save him. But it hurt, all the same, that Ben could be so calm, because he knew that if their positions had been reversed, he wouldn't have been able to control himself like that.
It was a strange thing, that this should be the last straw. Ben had rescued him, prompt and efficient, as he always was with everything he did. And Ray had thanked him and walked away. And spent the last two weeks avoiding him. He knew he should put it behind him. He'd always been able to get over Ben's annoying habits, but this time it had hurt too much.
So what the hell was he doing here? It was nearly midnight and Ben would have been in bed for hours. If it hadn't been for that stupid dream, he'd still be in his bed too.
"Well? What are you waiting for?"
He turned to see a vaguely familiar looking man standing behind him. He hadn't heard anyone come down the dimly lit hallway. The man was in his late fifties and wearing some strange outfit that belonged on the set of Nanook of the North. He even had mukluks on.
"What's it to you, buster?" Ray wasn't in the mood to take anything from anybody.
"You came here to help the boy, didn't you? Well, get on with it." The old man was looking distinctly impatient.
"Look, how do I know he needs help anyway? Besides, he's probably asleep." This conversation was getting very strange, Ray thought. Who the hell was this guy? Some lunatic probably.
"Oh, I doubt that, son. And he does need help, I can tell you that now. God knows I've tried, but it looks like you're the only one who can help him."
Ray turned to look at the door. He took a deep breath and opened it.
The old man's voice drifted over his shoulder. "That doesn't mean that I approve, mind you."
"Approve of what? What are you talking about?" But when he looked over his shoulder the old man was gone. Geez, he moved quietly.
It wasn't until he'd stepped inside and closed the door that he realised the old man looked like the one in his dream. For a moment he considered getting out of there, fast. Especially when Dief materialised out of the dimness to stand beside him, nearly scaring the life out of him. This was getting to be like something out of the Twilight Zone and for a moment he wondered if he was still dreaming. Then a stifled movement from the bed caught his attention.
He didn't know what to do, so he waited. As his eyes adjusted, he could see the bed more clearly, and the figure in it, moving restlessly. The covers were a tangled mess. Then he heard a soft desperate whisper, though he couldn't make out the words. He went closer.
Standing just a few feet away, he could see that Ben was wearing those ridiculous red longjohns, could just about make out the features of his pale face in the reflected street lights. Ben moved again, a sudden violent gesture.
"No!" It was a loud cry, but the sleeper didn't wake, he tossed and turned, muttering under his breath, then... "Ray! No, please..."
So Ben was having nightmares. So what? He'd had a few too. Ray was tempted to leave, but remembering the weird chain of events that had brought him here, he hesitated. There was a groan from the bed.
"Please, don't hurt him... take me instead... please..." He moved again, twisting under the covers. "Ray!" It was a hoarse scream, and finally Ben woke.
Hidden in the shadows, Ray watched as Ben half sat, his chest heaving, then dropped back to the bed rolling onto his side, facing away from him. After a moment his legs drew up and he wrapped his arms around his chest. Ray could hear his breathing change as he tried, and failed, to stifle his tears.
This was worse than anything he'd had to endure, and Ray knew he couldn't just leave him like this. He went to the bed, knelt beside it and touched his friend lightly on the shoulder.
"Benny."
There was a faint gasp and then Ben turned to face him. Ray was shocked at the changes he saw in Ben's face, even in the dim light. There were dark shadows around his eyes, and hollows in his cheeks that hadn't been there before. For a moment they stared at each other and then Ray reached for his shoulder again, and Ben came into his arms as though he'd always belonged there.
Ben was trembling uncontrollably against him and he tightened his arms, whispering reassurances and stroking the soft wool that covered the wide shoulders. Soon, too soon, Ben pulled back.
"Ray? It's really you?"
"It sure is, Benny. Are you OK? You look awful."
The shadowed eyes slid away from his. "I haven't been sleeping very well lately."
"I'm not surprised, that was some nightmare you were having. Have you been having them often?"
"I suppose so." Ben was being evasive. He was so bad at it, it was pitiful.
"How often? Every other night? Every night?"
There was no answer. "Benny?"
"Usually two or three times a night..."
"Geez, Benny..." He was going to say 'you should have told me', but how could Benny have told him? "I'm sorry, Benny."
Ben looked at him dumbly, the misery showing clearly on his face. His eyes asked the question he clearly wasn't going to speak aloud.
Ray tried to explain. "It hurt, you know... you just stood there and didn't say a thing... like it didn't really matter. Like you didn't care... I've been acting like a real jerk, haven't I?"
Ben blinked up at him. "I was so afraid, Ray. I thought if they knew how much you mean to me, you'd be in even more danger. It could have meant your death..."
Ray could hear the tremor start again in Ben's voice. He reached out and touched the pale cheek, his need to comfort Ben far outweighing any doubts or fears about what might happen next. The barriers he'd so carefully erected tumbled almost unnoticed. Once again Ben was in his arms, but this time his face, instead of being pressed into Ray's shoulder, was turned upwards. Ray bent his head and kissed the parted lips.
Almost before he knew what was happening, his tongue was exploring the hot silken interior of Ben's mouth and Ben's arms were around him, holding him tightly. Nothing seemed more important than this, that he and Ben should be here, together. What ever happened between them, and he wasn't sure even now, how far this would go, all that mattered was that they needed each other. No, more than that... they loved each other, he was certain of that without a word needing to be said.
He eased them both down onto the bed, drawing up Ben's blankets around him, it was a freezing cold night. Ben turned in his arms so they were lying face to face, still exchanging slow sweet kisses, and Ray began to stroke his face and hair gently. He gradually became aware that Ben was fighting to stay awake and pulled back carefully.
"Benny... Go to sleep, I won't be going anywhere. OK?"
There was a slight tremor and a quick nod of the dark head, and they shifted, settling more comfortably against each other. Soon he could tell from Ben's breathing that he was asleep.
In spite of his own tiredness, he wasn't quite ready to sleep. It was comforting to listen to the slow steady breathing of his... what? Friend? Definitely. Lover? Possibly. Almost certainly, he thought, remembering the feel of those warm lips on his own. He knew it was what he wanted. He'd wanted it for a long time, never daring even to think it to himself, but it had always been there in the back of his mind. He was pretty sure now that Ben wanted it too, just not sure enough to start anything tonight. But in the morning, if Ben still felt the same... in the morning...
Half an hour later, Ben was awake again, his breathing rapid and shallow, pressing against him urgently.
"Easy, Benny... easy. I'm right here, love."
"Oh, Ray..." Ben's voice trailed off and he lay, silent and needy, staring into Ray's eyes.
"What do you want, Benny?"
Ben's only answer was to draw his head down. They began to kiss again, only this time Ben was leading the way, taking them further than Ray had intended. A tiny part of his brain remained detached enough to wonder at how aroused he was becoming just from kissing this man. The rest of him wanted to do more than kiss.
He compromised by undoing a few of the buttons at the top of the longjohns and sliding his hand inside, over warm skin that felt as fine as silk. His fingertips brushed against a peaking nipple and Ben moaned helplessly against his mouth. It felt so incredibly good... he gently rolled the tip between his fingers, provoking more moans and a surge of the broad chest against his hand.
It took Ray's befuddled mind a moment to realise that the kiss had ended and that Ben had drawn back from him. He lifted his head slightly to look at Ben's face, there was no mistaking the arousal there, even in the near dark. He waited to see what Ben would do.
His head was gently drawn down again, not to meet Ben's lips, but lower, to his chest. He pushed aside the woollen cloth and took the tight bud into his mouth, sucking gently as Ben shuddered beneath him. Soon the indistinct movements settled into a definite rhythm against his thigh and he smiled. When the rhythm became more insistent he slid his hand under the blankets, moving down Ben's side to his hip and then between their bodies.
The heat of Ben's erection burned through the thin cloth as he stroked gently and then, suddenly impatient, he unfastened just enough buttons to allow his hand entrance. Ben cried out, pushing against his touch and he closed his fingers around the thick shaft, answering his friend's need with quick firm strokes.
A hand came out of nowhere and grasped his wrist. "Ray..."
"'m I going too fast for you Benny?" He withdrew his hand carefully.
"I want..." he was gasping for breath. "...want you..." A vague movement of the pale hand towards his overcoat seemed to indicate something...
Ray pulled off his overcoat and let it drop to the floor and was rewarded by a faint smile. He leaned into the warmth of Ben's body and felt hands slide up under his sweater, a delicious touch against his bare skin. Since it seemed that was what Ben wanted, he returned his attention to the many buttons of the longjohns. He'd made pretty good headway when he felt the sweater being pulled up his body.
He managed to wriggle out of it, without a lot of help from Ben, and began to shiver in the chill air. Only one remedy for that, and it didn't hurt that he wanted nothing more than to be in the blankets with Ben. He shucked his shoes, socks and then his pants and underwear in one tangled lump and dived under the covers.
The heat of Ben's body against his was incredible. He slid his arms around the solid bulk of his lover and pressed against him as close as his own skin. But still not close enough. The longjohns were open from neck to crotch, and the feel of smooth skin and the soft tickle of the wool in such close proximity sent his own arousal rocketing almost out of control. His body began moving against Ben's without any conscious prompting. Ben was pushing against him just as urgently and they were both so needy it was all over in a few moments.
Silence reigned for several minutes after that. Ray was shaken by the intensity of what he'd felt, and Ben seemed to be simply exhausted, lying quietly beneath him. He lifted his head and searched the pale face. Ben managed a faint smile for him, and he kissed the slightly parted lips.
"Are you OK, Benny?"
Another faint smile, a nod of the head, but the shadowed eyes were lowered, hiding their expression. Ray caught hold of Ben's chin and lifted it till their eyes met.
"Are you sure about this, Benny? I thought you wanted it as much as I did. I don't wanna take advantage of you. You gotta tell me."
"Ray, why did you do this? I never thought you'd... want me. Not like this. Was it just because you felt sorry for me?"
Ray groaned softly and lowered his head against Ben's shoulder, breathing in the scent of him, and of their lovemaking. "I did it... made love to you, because I've wanted to do this for so long, I can hardly remember what it was like not to want you. I've loved you forever, Benny. I just never imagined I'd have a chance with you."
"Ohhh..." It was hardly more than a sigh in his ear, but it conveyed a world of meaning, of longing and relief and pleasure.
Ray kissed the tender skin below Ben's ear, working his way round to his throat and then up along the jawline to the corner of that beautiful mouth. Ben's head turned towards him and they kissed, long and deep. He stroked the dark hair and the pale cheek as they kissed, wanting his love so badly... He knew he ought to let Ben sleep, but his own need to hold him and love him was growing more intense with every moment.
Ben's hands were stroking up and down his back pressing their bodies closer together and Ray was rather uncomfortably aware of the stickiness between their bodies. He pulled back a little.
"Let me love you, Benny? The way I want to love you?"
Ben stared up at him with complete trust. "Please..."
He slid down Ben's body taking the blankets with him, until he was straddling Ben's thighs, feeling the scratching of the woollen longjohns against the inside of his thighs. The sight of Ben's body framed by the longjohns in a deep pale V was quite spectacular. Ray could see a few pearly droplets gleaming in the dark curls at his groin, and he bent and licked them up, tasting his own familiar flavour here. Ben gasped his name and moaned, a soft deep rumble in his chest.
Ray smiled up at him and bent again to kiss the thick pale cock. His tongue slid easily over the shaft collecting the various tastes... of himself first and then what he realised was their mingled flavour. At the tip he slid back the foreskin carefully and there it was all Ben. It was almost unbearably arousing... he could feel himself hardening again already. He swirled his tongue over the cockhead with exquisite care and then sucked delicately.
It was happening too fast again. He'd never felt such a runaway passion for any lover. Never anything like this. Ray pulled away again, taking deep breaths, not even aware of the cold anymore. He lowered his mouth to Ben's skin again, licking away the semen spattered across the firm, flat belly until not a drop remained. Ben moved then, sitting up and pulling him upright to face him.
"Allow me, Ray." Ben guided him up onto his knees and began to clean him in the same way, lingering over the places where Ray's reactions indicated his pleasure. Then he took Ray's cock into his mouth. All of it.
Now it was Ray's turn to moan uncontrollably, his hips moving fluidly to slide himself in and out of the lips that held him so firmly. Ben's hands were caressing him lightly over his hips and butt, then one hand slid between his thighs and cupped his balls so gently... He shuddered and withdrew regretfully, not ready to finish yet. He dropped down onto Ben's lap, feeling the brush of his cock against Ben's and closed his mouth over the one that had held him just a moment ago.
The longjohns, decorative as they were, had to go... Ray slid the cloth off Ben's wide shoulders and peeled him down to his hips. It was wonderful to feel all that bare skin against his own and under his hands, and Ben was taking full advantage too... Ray could feel a deliciously light touch moving over his back and then, incredibly, between the cheeks of his butt. He moved slightly and Ben's cock slid up between his legs, pressing softly against his balls. He moaned and began to rock against the twin touches on his balls and anus, pushing his cock against Ben's trembling belly. The tiny part of his brain that was still functioning wondered how the hell Benny had learned to make love like this.
It seemed like his whole body was one aching nerve ending, hungering for release and nothing was going the way he'd planned. When Ben's lips grazed against his nipple it was more than he could take. His body bucked, out of control, and only Ben's arms kept him upright.
He became aware that he was once again straddling Ben's lap, leaning into his shoulder, his heart still thudding painfully. Ben's cock was pressed hard up against him and he was covered with Ray's semen again. He half laughed, half moaned at the thought and gently pushed Ben down onto the bed again.
This time he didn't, couldn't, take his eyes off Ben's face. Desire was written all over it... arousal pushed almost to breaking point. Without looking, he slid the longjohns off Ben's legs and tossed them aside, reached for the pale cock. It jumped against his hand and Ben took in a shaken breath and closed his eyes.
Ray toyed with the hot velvety shaft while he licked the quivering belly clean for the second time, then turned his attention to its pale loveliness. He nibbled gently at the tip, teasing the sensitive foreskin, feeling it slide with well lubricated ease against the glans beneath, and caught just a faint taste of his lover. Slowly, he licked and nibbled his way along the shaft to the base and then turned his head to nuzzle the taut balls lifting so proudly from between the parted thighs.
A hand touched the back of his head, guiding him back to the trembling erection. It was full and heavy and ready to come, and Ben was moaning almost pitifully. He plunged his mouth down over it, taking it as fully as possible into him. The heated musky scent of Ben's arousal was gloriously overwhelming and the feel of that thick cock sliding urgently against his tongue was more than incredible. He slid his hand between the solid thighs and began to finger the soft, pulsing anus.
It opened to him so readily, so easily, as the cock leapt in his mouth that he knew the touch was a recognised and welcome one... he slid a finger gently inside, probing and finding the point of exquisite pleasure. He didn't need to feel it himself, Ben's whole body told him when he'd reached it. Ben cried out and began to tremble, long deep-seated tremors that rapidly ripened into a shattering climax.
Feeling almost too exhausted to move, Ray still managed to crawl up the length of that beloved body to sprawl alongside his lover. Ben turned his head and summoned up a smile with the last of his energy. They kissed, slow and lingering, all the passion gone for now and Ray, becoming aware of the cold at last, reached for the blankets and pulled them over the two of them. It was the last thing he remembered doing for a long time.
In the morning there was the disorientation of waking in an unfamiliar bed, with an unfamiliar body lying against his, and the discomfort of an aching back and head, none of which seemed to matter very much. He lay still, waiting for Ben to wake, enjoying the feel of breath warm against his cheek. Slowly the dark lashes fluttered and lifted, revealing slate blue eyes. A hesitant smile appeared, but the eyes were wary.
Ray laid the palm of his hand against Ben's cheek. "Morning, Benny."
The smile became a shade more confident. "Morning, Ray."
Ray leaned forward and kissed the beautiful lips, feeling them open willingly to him. After a while he drew back. The pale cheeks were slightly flushed now. He smiled again.
"Got anything planned for today, Benny?"
Ben's smile widened. "Why, yes Ray. I believe I do..."