Rating: PG
Warning: slash angst and content
Pairings: Fraser/Kowalski
Disclaimer: Alliance and Island Records, Inc. own both sets of boys and their environments respectively. What'cha gonna do?
Spoilers: none
Summary: Third and final installment. Wishes just may come true after all.
Notes: That's it folks. It was good while it lasted, eh? (Yes, I AM CANADIAN!) I had fun writing this tri-fiction, and I hope you were somewhat elated from reading it. Once again, the title and lyrics evident in the story are from U2. They will remain my gods and saviours, bringing this fun into play. Any comments can be directed to go_bananak@yahoo.com. They will be greatly appreciated. :)

I'm so anxious that I'm shaking.

I'm inside and closing my office door, hardly before Dief has a chance to follow me. I slump against the closed door, waiting for the feelings washing over me to subside. A few ragged breaths and then I am close to normal again. Well, as normal as I can be lately.

I let myself slide down against the door until I'm crouched, grabbing my knees. I can't do this any longer. Too hard. Too overwhelming.

I'm up before I realize what I'm doing and I walk towards my desk. Ray has left his Walkman there. It has been a few days, I'm sure he'd want it back. Using that fact vainly as my excuse I rush back out, leaving a very bewildered Dief staring after me.

I stop as I finish locking the Consulate doors back up. The night has cleared completely, and though it's crisp, it is also quite bearable. I realize only now that I have left my Stetson inside, but instead of going back for it I put the earphones to the Walkman on and press play.

Familiar sounding music. The same throaty male voice.

* Take these hands they're good for nothing
You know these hands never worked a day
Take these boots they're going nowhere
You know these boots don't want to stray
You got my head filled with songs
You got my shoelaces undone
Take my shirt, go on take it off me
You can tear it up
If you can tie me down
Do you feel loved...*

Now I'm running, madly, tearing down the streets in the direction of Ray's apartment. I stop once to gain back my breath and I'm off again, now pacing myself for the distance of the full-fledged sprint. I don't know what I'm doing, but I can't stop. There's no way that I'm stopping now.

*With my fingers as you want them
With my nails under your hide
With my teeth at your back
And my tongue to tell you the sweetest lies
Do you feel loved...*

I want to tell the truth, what has been eating away at me for too long. I keep myself from straying off the course, because at any moment I'm ready to turn a different street, to deny what I have wanted for as long as I've known him.

I can't. It's too much. I must give him the choice.

The Superintendent who has met me is there. Thank God for that, because I would have bolted back home if I had to buzz Ray's apartment. I manage to gasp out Ray's name and the woman lets me in. She must think it's an emergency, knowing Ray's line of work. It is. I begin racing up the stairs because the wait for the elevator is too long. I'm rounding Ray's floor and his door is in sight.

And this is where I stop.

What am I doing? What am I hoping? I start to turn, but my hand stretches out and grabs for the wall.

I am this far. I am going to tell him. Somehow.

Before I can change my mind, Ray's door opens and there he is, struggling with a big garbage bag, and I'm there helping him before I realize it.

"Frase! What the hell?" Ray exclaims, a smile stretching across his face. "What-I mean, why are you- huh?" he stutters out, in that endearing Ray way of his.

"Hi Ray." I smile as well, and hold out his Walkman and earphones, hoping that is a good enough reason. It isn't.

"Frase... I could have got that tomorrow, why di'ja feel that you had to bring it now? I mean, how did you get here?"

"I ran."

"You *ran*?"

"Yes."

Ray laughs. "Well, okay." Then his eyes widen and he looks at me. And it's that sweet moment I have longed for. It's not threatening; he just calmly looks at me as if I had just said something terribly important. I hold his eyes, not wanting to let go, and finally brave enough to do so. My face betrays me by blushing furiously.

Ray is the first to break the silence. "You wanna... come in?"

"Yes."

"Now?"

"Yes." My answers sound hurried, lustful. I'm once again about to turn and run back through the hall, down the stairs and out of this building. I know I would keep running, out of the city, out of my own life, but something stops me now.

That look in Ray's eyes that's anchoring me. Calming me, keeping me sane. That look that's drawing me to him now.

Physically, I'm standing still. Mentally I'm on him, all over him, ravishing that slender body right in the hallway, because I want to so much. I want to stop the pain so much and all I want from him is a nod, an 'okay take me Fraser', and I would and wouldn't stop until I physically died. I can't take it. This unbearable want is driving me mad.

"I'm just... gonna throw this out. Just, uh, make yerself comfy in there, Frase." He's smiling again, and I swear it's a seductive one. I'm glad I get to move because if I had to stand there any longer I would start to visibly fidget. He keeps staring at me as I start inside, and finally he turns and walks away.

Inside and alone, I look around, breathing hard. Noting the limited time frame, I rush to the bathroom and splash cool water on my face. As I look at myself in the mirror, eyes wide and face flushed, it dawns on me that it's time. It's time to tell him what I've wanted to tell him for so impossibly long. I square up my shoulders.

I've never been so sure of anything in my entire life.

I hear the door to the hall close and I half-run from the bathroom to meet him. He looks happy, and I have once more lost my place.

"Frase, come have a seat." He sits down and pats the place next to him. I am quick to comply.

"There's something you want to tell me, isn't there?" His eyes are bearing down on me.

"Yes."

And he's smiling again. So sweet and so achingly lovely.

"What is it, Fraser?"

"I was... well... on the way here I was listening to your tape."

"Oh yeah, another U2 one, man, you're getting loads of them today, huh?"

"Yes... loads... I..." And then I stop. No sound will come out. Ray's smile starts to fade. I'm loosing my battle. I'm bottling everything again, deep inside me and I lower my eyes.

"Frase?" Ray leans a little closer. "What song were you listening to?"

"What?" I breathe, head still lowered.

"On the way here, what song?"

"I don't know."

"What was the chorus, what line was repeated?"

I swallow thickly. "Do you feel loved?" It isn't anything more than a whisper, but he hears it. He leans back and I have never felt so distant from anyone in my entire life. Whole minutes go by, and the room becomes too small, and I am losing myself, drowning in regret. This was not how I had planned it. The moment has definitely passed. I should go.

I stand up. "I should go." I say, mirroring my own thoughts, for once.

"No."

Ray said no. I look at him, and he hasn't moved, but he's staring at me. Slowly, without a thought I am sitting down again and he moves towards me and is so close I can hear his breathing and then closer until I can almost *feel* his breathing and then he says so softly, so sweetly...

"Stay."

And my wishes are finally answered as my lover takes me into his powerful arms, and makes me feel his love for the first time. I almost believe I'm dreaming, but I know he is there, all around me, rubbing my back and my neck and even kissing my lips. I have finally found my release and I kiss back, my hands free to do whatever they please. And he is pulling me and we are moving towards the bedroom and my beautiful Ray is smiling and loving and we laugh together. It is the most beautiful feeling in the world. I feel no pain, no longing. Only the sweet taste of my lover in my mouth. After all this time, all this wishing, wanting and waiting...

I have received my dreams...

*And I feel loved.*