Warning this is a relatively tame m/m story. 
Hope you enjoy it. 

Hi!
Well its me "again".  Forcing some more of my handiwork onto this List.
I believe it was James who wanted a hurt/comfort story a while back and
we were given a piece called THUNDER AND WHISPERS (very nice!).  Well
here's a hurt/comfort that I have to say  Be careful what you wish for:
Red alert!  Red alert!  Major sap and wallow!  Warning this one has tame
m/m and m/f.

FOR ALL TIME

He really missed that mountie.  They hadn't been
apart this long before.  He must have really pissed
off Welsh to have gotten this month long
assignment.  What rotten timing this police officer
exchange program had been.  When he originally got
notice of the assignment, he was really upset that
it would mean missing Ben's birthday.  So he was
ecstatic when he found out just a couple of days
ago, that they pushed up the last day of his trip.
It coincided nicely with his lover's birthday
today.  He'd just make it afterall.  He hadn't told
Ben yet, because he wanted to surprise him.  As
soon as it was humanly possible for him to leave,
he grabbed the next available flight out of
Nowhere, USA.  It was late in the evening when the
taxi dropped him off at his friend's apartment
complex.  Taking his 2 bags out of the trunk, he
headed towards the building.

He felt something tugging at his jacket as he
entered the front door of the complex.  Startled
and puzzled at first, he looked down to see that it
was just Diefenbaker.  He smiled at the wolf,
"Yeah, hello to you too Dief.  Hey, lay off the
coat will ya.  I've ruined enough clothes because
of your master; don't you start with me too."  Dief
was acting kind of peculiar.  "So whatch'ya doing
down here Dief?", Ray said, as he looked around for
any sign of his friend nearby.

The wolf decided to keep him company on the way up
to Fraser's apartment.  During the ride in the
elevator, Ray noticed the wolf looking sadly up at
him.  "Don't let this get to your head, but I
actually missed you too.", he reached down to pat
the furry head.  As he neared his friend's door,
Dief was acting even more weird.  He kept running
underfoot, as if he were trying to block him from
going to Fraser's apartment.  The wolf was whining
a bit now and it looked almost as if he were afraid
to go any further.

Ray placed the suitcases down at the side of his
friend's door.  He was starting to get a bad
feeling in the pit of his stomach.  He checked his
gun in its holster and readied it for quick access
should he need it.  He stood away from the center
of the door and rapped on it.  It was taking a
little while to open.  He was ready to kick it in
at any second.  When it finally opened, he breathed
a sigh of relief to see his friend and lover
standing there.  A slightly dishevelled Fraser had
the door open, but not all the way, with his arm
blocking entry.  Ray was thrilled to see his
friend.  It was so good to see that beautiful face
again.  A beaming Ray reached into his coat pocket
and pulled out a small wrapped box.  He handed it
to Ben, "I got a reprieve and sent home early for
good behavior.  Happy Birthday Benny!"  He wanted
so badly to kiss his friend, but not in the
hallway, where someone like Mr. Mustafi would see
them.

"Hello Ray", Ben said coldly, as if they hadn't
been separated for almost a month.  That's when he
realized Ben wasn't letting him in either.  That
sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach was
coming back.  From what little he could see into
the apartment, he noticed there was someone moving
around inside.  "Benny?"  Fraser spoke in a quick
hushed tone, "Its not a good time now.  I'll talk
to you tomorrow."  Ray had been dumped enough times
in his life that he started to see the signs.  As
soon as he saw a better glimpse of the guest in
Fraser's apartment, he never felt so hurt and angry
in his life.  He didn't give Fraser a chance to say
anything more, "Don't bother Benny.  To hell with
you.  Have a nice life.".  He quickly picked up his
luggage and stormed off.  He could hear Dief bark
angrily at Fraser, and the wolf bounded to his side
in seconds.  Ray smiled wickedly to himself before
turning around again, "That goes for your wolf
too."  And he retreated into the elevator slamming
it shut.

Fraser still looked out from the door, even after
his 2 best friends were long gone.  His ex-friends,
he sadly reminded himself.  He was in a state of
shock.  Why didn't he call or go after them?  Why
did he feel like he'd been paralyzed from head to
foot and struck mute?  The devastated look on Ray's
face haunted him as he closed his eyes briefly and
leaned his head against his arm at the door.  Arms
reached around his waist and pulled him away from
the door.  "Ben?  Ben!  Are you still with me Ben?
Don't let them upset you.  You're with me now."
She turned him to face her for a kiss.  But the
fire was missing.  "I can't believe you stayed
friends with that man, after what he did to us.  He
almost killed you Ben and because of him we were
kept apart far too long.  Good riddance to him."
She tried to take the gift Ray gave him from his
hand, but he clutched to it as if his life depended
on it, so she let it be.  He sighed deeply, "Ill be
alright."  This time he initiated the kiss, as she
led him to the bed nearby.  The gift was placed on
the sidetable and forgotten.

Ray flagged a taxi.  At his house, he stopped on
the porch,not wanting to go inside just yet.
Going to the darkest corner, he sat in a chair he
knew was there. He hadn't planned on seeing his
family until the next day.  This definitely was not
the way he pictured this night.  He had envisioned
a surprised Fraser glad to have him back in his
arms.  He didn't expect to be dumped by him and
sent away... forever... out of his life.  When had
that bitch Victoria come back?   He should have
seen this coming; that she would eventually come
back to reclaim her trained 'pet' .  How could he
still love that woman?  Talking quietly to the
wolf, "I guess I was just a rebound fling."  Man,
this was beginning to hurt worse than Irene or
Angie.  At least with them, he knew that they still
held some love for him.  Just circumstances didn't
work out in their favor.  With Fraser, he thought
he'd found his soulmate.  Guess it wasn't
reciprocated.  He felt like such a fool, to think
Victoria was out of his system.  He should have
known better than to allow himself to get so deeply
involved with this one.  He leaned over and hugged
Dief, "Thanks Dief.  I know you understand.  You're
welcome to stay with me."

The door to the porch opened and his mother was
there, with something strange silhouetted in her
hands.  She called out, "I have a shotgun and I
know how to use it.  Come out from there!"  Ray
couldn't help but laugh, "Ma, you wouldn't shoot
your favorite son would you?"  It was so good to
see her again.  He hadn't realized how much he
missed her until then.  He got as close to her as
the mop in her hand would allow.  She put it down
and pulled him into the warmest hug and gave him an
affectionate kiss on the cheek.  He really needed
this.  "Raymondo, I missed you so much.  Why didn't
you tell me you were coming home early?  If you had
I could have had Tony pick you up at the airport
and I would have made your favorite.  Ah.  You're
too thin.  What were they feeding you in that
place?  Come inside.."  She stopped mid-sentence
noticing something was amiss.  The way she had of
reading him so well scared him sometimes.  "What's
wrong?  Mi cuore, talk to me."

She led him back to the porch chairs.  "Its nothing
ma.", he lied.  "Its 'not' nothing.  Tell me."; she
never took 'nothing' as an answer.  His eyes
shifted down sadly as he quietly said, "I just lost
a friend."  At those words she noticed that Ray had
Dief with him.  "Oh God no.  Not Benton.  I'm so
sorry tesoro.  I know how special he was to you."
She was sincerely saddened as she placed an arm
around his shoulders and pulled him close.  She
really liked the mountie and was glad her Raymondo
had had such a friend.  "I'm sure he's in heaven
now.  He was such a good man."  Ray realized then
that his mother must have misunderstood.  His being
home early and her seeing Dief, she probably
assumed the worst and that he got custody of the
wolf.  "No ma, he's not dead. It just feels that
way to me."  He had a hard time with this next
part.  Trying to ignore the bile taste the words
produced, "Victoria's got her claws in him again.
And I just couldn't take it.  I told him off.  And
told him I didn't ever want to see him again.  Dief
felt the same way and here we are."   "Oh, my poor
Raymondo.  I had prayed that devil wouldn't show
her face around here again.  I understand now.  Ah,
but he needs a friend like you more than ever now
Raymondo.  But I fear for him and for you, if you
get in that woman's way.  But you follow what is in
your heart; its steered you right before."
"Thanks ma.", he gave her cheek a peck.  "Come
inside now and say hello to the rest of the family.
We've all missed you.  Its been so quiet around
here without you.", she laughed at that.  "Do you
believe me?"  "Ma, it couldn't be quiet in this
house if our lives depended on it."  He joined her
laugh and went inside to be among those who loved
him.
  
It was early morning. Victoria had left him a short
time ago.  Ben hadn't really been able to sleep.
He kept replaying the scene with Ray earlier.  What
had he done?  When he came home from a non-eventful
day at the consulate this afternoon, he thought he
was just going to spend a quiet evening at home
reading.  So it had been his birthday. He never
really celebrated it before, so why bother now?
Ray had been so upset a month earlier when he
wasn't going to be here for it.  Ray could be so
fiery and maddening at times, but he had the most
wonderful spirit, generous heart and thoughtful
nature. He had to admit to himself, that Ray was
also a very good lover. Being with Victoria tonight
he was reminded of this. It just wasn't the same
any more between them.  So why did he feel as if
Victoria still had his heart?  What was he trying
to hide from himself?

Turning his head to look out the window, the
wrapped gift caught his eye.  He tried to ignore
it.  But it just wouldn't go away.  He reached over
to switch on the light and took the small package
in his hand.  His hand was trembling a little as he
opened it.  Inside the box was a beautiful
practical watch.  It had some really unique handy
features to it.  He smiled when he found that it
had a compass as well.  It reminded him of the time
when he and Ray were stranded in the wilderness and
they had lost their compass.  A stab of guilt hit
him at the remembrance.  Ray had been so good to
him then.  Had been too good to him so many times.
Some things about that time they were stranded was
a blur, but he did know that Ray had carried him
most of the way through the wilderness. They
survived that ordeal, because they were a team.
Another twinge of guilt hit him.  Not any more.
He'd ruined that.  It hurt to think that Ray would
no longer be a part of his life.  Why did he cast
him away as fast as he did?  Probably a hint of his
worrying about the controversial lifestyle he'd
found himself in.  Perhaps figured that if he was
still attracted to Victoria, then he must not
really be homosexual.

He turned the watch around in his hands and that's
when he noticed the inscription:  "B, For all Time,
R"   A lump formed in his throat and he swallowed
hard, "Oh Ray, you're such a romantic.  I guess I
was a big disappointment, hunh?  I didn't even give
you the time of day today."  He felt terrible.  He
knew what he wanted now and it wasn't with
Victoria.  He smiled to himself and placed the
watch on his wrist.  He would force Ray to talk to
him tomorrow... or the next day or the day after
that.  He wouldn't give up.  He hoped he hadn't
damaged Ray, so much that it was something that
they couldn't work through.  He reminded himself of
all the tough times they'd gone through together
before.  Especially the first time Victoria
disrupted their lives.  These times had only seemed
to strengthen their relationship.  So much so, that
it led to their eventually discovering that there
was more to their friendship than they originally
thought.  There was a deep attraction and love for
one another as well.  He decided he'd win Ray back
or die trying.  With that decision, he felt as if a
key had been turned and he was set free.  He
switched off the light. He'd worry about what to do
about Victoria in the morning.  Right now he just
wanted his last thoughts, as he dropped off to
sleep, to be of his true lover .

It was 7:30 AM, Ray walked out from his home ready
to start the day.  He was going to check in at the
precinct to let them know that he was back and get
filled in on all the office gossip.  He was
actually excited about going there.  That was a
rarity, he laughed to himself.  As he walked down
the steps he was passed by Dief, who seemed to be
sticking to him like glue since last night.  He
wouldn't let Ray out of his sight.  Dief stopped
suddenly and scared him with the ferocity of the
deep nasty growl that was coming out of him, as he
bolted like lightening.  He started to look behind
him, hand just barely on his holster, to see where
Dief had gone.  But it was too late.  The shot rang
out and he fell.  A burning sensation in his back.
In a weird fog, he could hear his mother cry out
his name and then she was holding him in her lap.
Rocking him.  Begging him to hold on.  He whispered
to her "Don't worry ma.  I'll be back in time for
dinner."  It was a promise he'd made to her a
number of times.  It was their secret code to
promise her that he'd be careful at work, because
he knew she worried about his profession and it was
his biggest responsibility to come home.  He felt
like he was still falling and it was getting hard
to focus.  He started to feel numb all over.  And
then began to shiver.  Everything was gradually
going black.

The paramedics got there within minutes.  A police
car pulled up shortly thereafter; followed by an
ambulance chasing tv news crew.  The medical team
smoothly parted the chaos of people gathered in
front of the house.  They approached Mrs Vecchio,
who was still protectively and possessively holding
on to her son.  One of the team gently removed him
from her desperate grip.  His color was wrong.  He
was barely breathing.  He looked like he was on the
edge.  They prepped him and placed him in the
ambulance.  Frantically they worked on him as they
sped to the hospital, but it was as if he didn't
want to make the effort to live any more.  Then he
slipped out of their capable hands and was gone.

He had gotten to the consulate at 7 AM and slightly
thereafter began having an overwhelming strange
feeling that he desperately needed to see Ray.  It
was distracting him and couldn't wait.  It was
unusual for him to ask for a partial vacation day
and he was surprised that it was granted to him so
easily on such short notice.  He decided to stop at
his apartment and change before going to visit his
friend.  As he left his apartment, Mr. Mustafi
stopped him in the hall, "I'm sorry about your
friend."  Fraser replied cheerfully and
apologetically, "Hello Mr. Mustafi.  I'm terribly
sorry if we disturbed you last night."  His
neighbor looked at him with sympathetic eyes, when
it dawned on him that Fraser hadn't heard, "Oh, you
don't know, do you?"  "Know what Mr. Mustafi?"
"It was on the news this morning.  I'm sorry to be
the one to tell you this Benton, but your friend
Ray was shot and killed in front of his home this
morning."  At the words, Fraser felt sick to his
stomach and his legs felt like they were being
kicked out from underneath him.   Had he heard him
right?  No, he wasn't talking about his Ray.  It
had to be someone else. Mr. Mustafi grabbed on to
Fraser's arm when he started to sway.  And led him
back into his apartment to sit down.  He brought
Fraser a glass of water, "Can I help you Benton?".
"Um, what?", he was in a mental fog.  He had to
regain his composure and go to his friend.  Where
was Ray?  The news had to have gotten it wrong.
They were known to make mistakes on occassion.
This had to be one of those occassions.  "Can I
borrow your phone Mr. Mustafi?"  "Of course."  He
started to regain his legs again and he denied his
grief for the moment, while he took care of what
needed to be done.  He was a mountie.  He was
supposed to handle anything.  He had to get through
this.  He called Ray's number at the precinct.  The
call was forwarded to Lt Welsh.  "27th precinct, Lt
Welsh speaking."  "Good afternoon leftennant.  This
is Constable Fraser.  I'm looking for Ray.  I've
been told that he's been shot."  He dreaded what he
was about to hear next.  There was an audible sigh
on the other end and Welsh finally spoke.  "I'm
sorry son. But Ray was shot in the back on his way
over this morning.  He died enroute to Cook County.
I'm sorry. I know you and he were close. I'll miss
him.  If it wouldn't be any trouble, would you mind
coming down to the station.  We have a few
questions for you." Fraser was still silent on the
other end.  Welsh continued "Do you need a ride
over?  Are you at home?  Or the consulate?"  Trying
to keep his voice from wavering, but not completely
succeeding, "I'm at home. Would it be alright if I
stopped by to see his family first?"  "Sure.  I'll
be over to get you in 15 minutes, if that's
alright?"  "That's fine.  Thank-you.  Good-bye".

Welsh was true to his word.  He came by to pick him
up at the appointed time.  He was brought over to
the Vecchio house.  As Welsh's car pulled up to it,
Fraser could see a couple of people milling about
and there was yellow barrier around the site where
Ray had gone down.  It was barely away from the
bottom of the steps.  He turned his eyes away
quickly from the nightmare scene he was viewing.
He tried to be objective about this, by tricking
himself into thinking that this was just a regular
case for him.  That he didn't know the murder
victim, so he wouldn't be distracted by the
emotions threatening to overwhelm him.

As he got out of the car he slowly walked to the
front of the home, which he'd been to so many times
before.  He'd visited the Vecchios a couple of
times recently, while Ray was out of town.  These
people treated him as if he were a part of their
family and he would forever be in their debt for
that.  He had to see Mrs Vecchio.  From what Welsh
told him on the ride over, she had been the first
one on the scene.  As he neared the spot where Ray
had suffered, he could see the blood that stained
the walkway.  No longer able to fool himself, he
rushed over to a bush out of view and threw up.
Welsh was there next to him, with a comforting hand
on his back.  "I'll be alright".  Who was he trying
to convince Welsh or himself?  He went back to the
stairs, avoiding the spot as they went to the door.
Tony was the one who greeted them there.  As they
entered, he quickly shut the door behind them, to
close out the tragic site.  He led them into the
living room, then excused himself for a few
moments.  There were a couple of others in the
room.  Most of them Fraser recognized as Ray's
family and family friends, a couple of them he
didn't.  Francesca spotted him and looked
absolutely devastated.  She went over to him and
without saying a word, hugged him briefly then
walked out of the room in tears.  Tony was back,
this time with his wife Theressa, Ray's other
sister, wrapped securely under his arm.  Her eyes
were red-rimmed from a recent bout of tears.  She
seemed to be struggling to maintain her control.
She grabbed one of Ben's hands in her own and spoke
"Hello Benton.  I'm glad you're here.  I know you
want to find the son-of-a-bitch who killed our Ray
as much as we do.  We'll do whatever it takes to
help you."  He gently squeezed her hand, "Thank-
you.  Yes I do want to find the killer.  Lt Welsh
has got his best working on this already.  I
promise you, Ray's murderer will see justice.  But
first I need to see your mother.  Is she at home?"
Heartened by his words, "Ma's upstairs.  She's a
strong woman, but she's pretty shook up right now.
She was with him right after it happened and was in
the ambulance when he.. um... died."  At the last
word, a silent tear escaped her and she turned to
her husband for comfort.

Ben excused himself and drifted up the stairs to
Mrs Vecchio's room.  He knocked lightly.  "Mrs
Vecchio?  Its me Benton.".  He had to see her.  She
was the only one who could possibly have loved Ray
as much as he did.  And she was also the one who
may have some pieces to this puzzle, that she may
not even realize yet.  He hated to bother her, but
right now he really needed her.  She called out for
him to enter.  When he did he saw she was seated in
an armchair near her bed facing him as he entered.
He was expecting her to be emotional, but this
emotion aimed at him wasn't what he expected.  At
first she looked like a very angry mother, about to
scold and discipline a wayward child, but then it
alternated into a basic instinct.  This other
emotion, made him afraid to move any closer.  He'd
seen out in the wilds of the Territories, what
could happen if you interfered with a mother and
her children.  He was going to have to tread
lightly, because she had that way about her now as
she spoke,"You heard what 'she' did to my child?"
He didn't know how to respond other than a literal
"Yes Mrs. Vecchio."  It was then he registered what
she just said, "Did you say 'she'?"  Did he hear
her right?  She did say 'she'?  "My Raymondo is
dead, because of you're misplaced *love*". She
paused and caught her breath as she continued,"He
told me about last night.  You broke his heart,
when you threw him away for that... that..
monster", tears were forming in her eyes.  "Are you
sure it was Victoria?"  Afraid that Fraser was
coming to Victoria's defense, she spoke with
conviction, "I know in my soul it was her.  When my
poor son shot you accidentally last year, he
confided in me a few things.  He told me he had
'that woman' in our house, to protect her as a
favor to you.  But what you don't know is he told
her then, that if she hurt you he'd kill her.  That
was no idle threat and I'm sure she knew it.  My
son was shot in the back.  I believe it was in
retribution for his having tried to shoot her and
having shot you in the back instead.  He told me
last night that he ended your friendship, because
you'd taken Victoria back into your life.  Benton
don't you know what love is yet?  Its definitely
not Victoria."

Every word she said to him cut into him deeper and
deeper.  Ray had died for his stupidity.  It was
his mistake in confusing "an inner ear imbalance"
with what he thought was love.  Oh God, Ray had
died thinking that he didn't love him, but his
worst rival.  Fraser was getting dangerously close
now to a point where his error was going to engulf
him in pain and grief.  He thought he learned his
lesson the last time Victoria turned his - and
Ray's - life upside down.  Ray had stood by him
throughout the entire ordeal.  Had been devastated
when he seriously injured him.  Was with him every
day as he recuperated.  But Fraser hadn't truly
learned his lesson then about what 'love' was.
When the opportunity came to turn away from
Victoria again, he didn't.  He turned away from
real love instead. Everything she said was true.
He could only think to say, "You're right.  I'm so
sorry.  Forgive me.  I regret the day I ever met
Victoria, but I will treasure always the day I met
your son.  She will pay."  With that he turned on
his heel and left.

He felt snow blind and drifting.  He lost track of
days.  The funeral was just a blur.  How had he
managed to deliver a eulogy?  He recalled Ray
telling him once, when they had been trapped in
that flooding vault, that he had hoped Fraser would
be the one to deliver his eulogy, if he were to
ever die.  Unfortunately he got his wish.  When it
came to the part where he said "And he never let me
down.", the part he had said in the vault to Ray
"Except once." was never said again.

He hadn't told Welsh about Victoria.  He had
answered the police detectives working on this
case's questions.  But they didn't ask the right
one's, so he didn't feel compelled to give them
more than what they asked for.  The last he'd heard
they were trying to make a case against Zucco.  He
didn't care that he knew the truth.  Zucco could
take care of himself or rot for all he cared.  He
didn't talk about the Victoria connection, so that
he'd have no interference as he used his tracking
skills to find the woman, who had made his life not
worth living any more.  He didn't care what
happened to himself now.  He just had a one track
mind.  Find her.  He was very close now, he could
sense it.  But first he was going to make the usual
stop he made each day.  He could find this spot
with his eyes closed.  It was where his home was
now.  "Hello Ray.  I still haven't found her."  He
recounted to his friend the steps he'd undergone
that day to find Victoria.  He caressed the cold
stone that should have been his lover and whispered
his usual parting remark -"I love you Ray." - as he
turned to leave on his mission once again.

Before he turned, he had seen a movement out of the
corner of his eye and the hair on the back of his
neck began to bristle.  She was here.  It was a
type of sacrilege that she should even be anywhere
near Ray.  He almost snarled, like Dief might have
at a foe, as he faced her.  She was looking at him,
with a bit of surprise, but then with a self-
satisfied smile.  What she saw was a man who once
was so impeccably neat, beautiful, and naive... now
dishevelled, ill-groomed and with a hard wild look
in his eyes.  She had her revenge and it was sweet.
He wanted to know "Why?"  She obliged.

When he had played games with her heart and then
sent her to prison so many years ago, she wanted to
make him suffer more than anyone else she'd ever
known.  He was so smug and arrogant, with his rigid
self-righteous principles and morals.  It was
relatively easy to manipulate him.  But then when
she saw him again that second time, she almost
thought he did mean something to her.  He almost
came with her, if it hadn't been for that annoying
friend of his.  Since that day at the train
station, she had planned this.  Maybe not exactly
this way, but Ray was going to be dead in any of
her scenarios.  At first she wanted Fraser back for
some strange reason she couldn't fully understand.
She thought she had him under her spell again this
time too.  But found out he had lost his heart to
someone else in her absence.  She knew that night
who it was.  Ben had been a distracted lover and
the spark was no longer there.  She caught him at
one point in their lovemaking almost calling out
his other lover's name. It was then she decided to
end this game once and for all.  Killing that
bastard Ray was the start to the finish.  She had
Fraser right where she wanted him now.  How fitting
it would take place in this cemetery of all places.
She had the same gun she used to kill Ray in her
hand pointed at him.  She had a fake suicide note
for him in the other hand and was ready to complete
her task.

However, she failed to plan on Dief.  The wolf, who
had been missing since the tragic day, had now
returned.  He was circling around her without her
noticing.  Soon after, he launched himself and
latched onto her gun-hand with a ferocity that
Fraser hadn't ever seen him use on any human
before.  "Good boy Dief."  Picking up the gun that
had now been cast aside, he felt as if he were on
automatic pilot... a robot... as he aimed the gun
at her heart and fired point blank a shot for each
shot she had used on Dief and caused Ray to shoot
into him and especially for the bullet that killed
Ray.  Afterwards he went back to Ray's headstone,
sat down beside it and uttered "For all time".
Turned the gun on himself and...

He couldn't breathe.  He was gasping for every
breath.  He was panicked .  He was sweating.  He
was shouting now...  "RAY!!!"  He sat bolt upright.
He didn't register at first the arms that were
holding onto him in a fierce embrace from behind
him; and the voice in his ear trying to calm him.
He just saw and heard chaos and death and Victoria.
Then the quiet soothing voice finally penetrated,
'Its ok Benny.  I'm right here.  Shhh."  The words
were repeated a few times.  He started to relax a
little.  As he turned into his lover's embrace, he
placed his head on Ray's bare chest and held on.
Ray could feel the trembling slowing down after a
little while.  Ben had done a great job of waking
him up by scaring the hell out of him.  But he
didn't care about that, just the fear that was
consuming his friend.   He'd never seen Ben this
afraid of anything.  "Do you want to talk about
it?"  One hand was gently caressing Ben's hair and
then his back.  The other was wrapped protectively
around him.  Ben started to feel a bit calmer.  His
Ray wasn't dead.  He hadn't caused his death.
Victoria wasn't there.  But with a start, he
realized she could return.  He worried for Ray, if
that day should come.  But knew in his heart that
he wouldn't ever take Victoria back, because she
wasn't in his heart.  Someone else was.  He
realized now what 'love' truly was.  What he had
had with Victoria was now in his mind permanently
relegated as "an inner ear imbalance" as he once
said.  Recounting the nightmare to Ray, who was a
compassionate and witty listener, was making him
feel better. As he shifted in his lover's arms he
noticed, by the soft light coming in from the
windows, the outline of a watch on the sidetable.
He reached over for it.  Ray had given it to him
for his birthday last night.  He had surprised Ben,
by coming home earlier than expected after spending
a few weeks in a police officer exchange program.
They had had a wonderful and pleasurable reunion.
Definitely a memorable birthday celebration, he
grinned to himself.  He had really missed this
Chicago cop.  He rubbed the back of the watch as if
it were in braille and whispered to Ray - "For all
time" - and then kissed him.