Disclaimer: Characters are owned by Alliance. I'm just having alittle
wholesome fun with them. O.k  Well, maybe 'wholesome' isn't the right
word.... 

This is an angst story.  It was born out of  a very lousy week spent
getting reaqucainted with the three most reliable men in my life:  Ben
& Jerry and Captain Morgan.  Gained six pounds and lost a few dozen brain
cells. 

R for naughty language,  violence, death story 

If you've read my writing before you probably figured out that I don't
have a beta reader.  I try to edit my own work, but after reading the
same story six million times, it's had to notice mistakes if you didn't
catch them the first time.  I tried my best with this one, but there
mostly likely will be some errors.  I suck, I know.  So, I apologize.

                                  Got an opinion? Love to hear it.  
Vassago@dazedandconfused.com 

From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were-- I have not seen
As others saw-- I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone; 
And all I lov'd, I lov'd alone.
                --Edgar Allan Poe
                    'Alone'

                    For All Things Left Unsaid
                              by
                              Rae                

            "So, I guess you'll be partnering up with Vecchio again,
huh?" Detective Stanley Ray Kowalski snuck a peak at his partner and
best friend as he drove.  Constable Benton Fraser was in deep thought,
examining a piece of  suede that he had found earlier today at the scene
of a bank robbery. "Fraser?" Still nothing.
"Fraser!" The Mountie's head shot up.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Ray. I didn't hear you."
"Yeah. Well, that much was obvious.", Kowalski muttered. "I asked if
you'd be partnering up with Vecchio again." The detective could not conceal
the fear in his voice and hoped that his friend had not caught it.  Luckily
for him, Ben was so wrapped up in the suede that he noticed little else.
"I'm not entirely sure, Ray.", he replied absently, hardly paying attention
to his own words. "Oh."  Kowalski pulled his sleek black GTO into  the
parking lot of  the precinct. He climbed out of the car and straightened
the collar of his jacket, that has been pressed into a rather uncomfortable
position by the seatbelt. He was about to shut the door when he realized
that his Canadian partner had not moved. "Fraser! Get out of the car!"
Ben looked around, startled.
"Oh, right you are." As he scrambled to get out of the car, it occured
to Ray that Fraser probably had not even heard his question. "You know,
Ray,", Benton said as he shut the door, " I think this is some kind of
synthetic blend, not real suede, but-" "Fraser!", the blond cried out
in frustration, "Have you heard anything I said?!" His friend was silent
for a moment and then shook his head. "No, I'm afraid not."
"Ugh." Ray turned and stalked off, leaving a very confused Mountie to
wander whether he had just missed something significant. 


   He located Ray again at the coffee machine and approached with caution,
noting that the detective was tense and recalling that his behavior had
been rather edgy these past two days. Two days, since Ray Vecchio had
come out of deep cover. "Ray?" Kowalski's shoulders slumped and he leaned
into the counter. "What, Fraser?"
"I'm sorry for not listening earlier. What was it you wanted to ask?"
Ray turned slowly, an almost child-like gleam in his eyes. "Are you gonna
partner up with Vecchio again?" A lump caught in Ben's throat. He knew
they would have to face this at some time and now he found it difficult
to reply, for he himself was not sure of the answer. "Well, it was my
understanding I would be able to work with the both of you." Kowalski's
eyes narrowed. "How the hell did you figure that?"
"Well, uh, you will remain at this precinct, yes?" Ray shrugged.
"I don't know, Fraser." He looked down at his coffee, "I feel kinda outta
place now, you know?" A shaky sigh escaped Kowalski. "We're friends,
right?" Ben put his hand under Ray's chin, tilting it up so he was forced
to look at him. "You know very well that we are." A small smile crossed
his lips, but one not completely convinced.  Ben studied the mercurial
green eyes carefully.  "What is it, Ray?" Kowalski opened his mouth to
say something and then clammed up again. "Ray." Ben's voice was stern.
Most of the time the detective needed very little pushing to spill his
guts, but these past two days he had been strangely silent. Ray moved
away from him and found a seat at a table in the corner. Fraser sat across
from him and watched his friend. The change in Kowalski over this short
period of time had been remarkable. Sadly, Ben was only taking note now.
Between Ray Vecchio's return and their current load of investigations,
he was feeling very overwhelmed. But that was hardly an excuse, he mentally
chastised himself.  Ray Kowalski was his partner and he should have noticed
this unhealthy transformation before. There were dark circles under Ray's
eyes, he was more pale and--Ben did a quick once over--he'd lost weight.
Even now, the way Kowalski slumped in the chair and leaned into the coffee
as if he might fall into it, were uncharacteristic of the usually energetic
detective. "Ray, tell me what's wrong and what I can do to help you."
The blond sighed. "Um, you're not gonna like me for this, but I have
a question and I don't want you to, um, take this the wrong way." He
looked up at Ben and the Mountie nodded. "Well, it's about Vecchio. I
mean, when he left. I know you guys were buddies and everything and I
just wonder if, well cause it was kinda sudden when he took off and no
one really told you. I mean, you remember that whole thing and you had
no idea who I was." He chuckled weakly. "And well, we didn't really hit
it off right away and-" "Ray.",Fraser said quietly, cutting of his friend's
nervous rambling. Kowalski nodded and chewed his lower lip. "Yeah, I'm,
uh, I'm not making much sense. 'kay. Well, you were kinda tossed in with
me, not through any choice of your own really, so I wanted to know, did
you hang around with me to keep Vecchio's cover?" Fraser tilted his head
to one side. He had a suspicion where this line of questioning was going
and despite his assurance to Ray, he was beginning to feel offended.
"Ray, " He sighed. "I'm not sure what you're asking me."
"I just wanna know if you wanted to partner up with me or, um, if you
just did it to protect Vecchio." Fraser sighed,  feeling the blood rush
to his face. After all this time, after all they'd been through together,
how could he ask a question like that. "Ray..." Kowalski dropped his
gaze at once.
"You're pissed. I'm sorry."
"No, " Fraser shook his head. The detective reminded him so much of a
beaten child. The behavior was unreasonable. "For God's sake, stop it,
Ray!" Kowalski looked up in surprise. "What on Earth is the matter with
you?" "I-I-I..." Ray couldn't find words.
"You are my friend, my partner, my brother. The first day we met, you
took a bullet for me and since that day you have made countless other
sacrifices for me. I gave you asylum when you were framed and I gave
you back your life when you were near drowning. We have put our lives
and our souls in each other's hands. Ray Vecchio's return does not change
that. Do you understand?" A very real smile crossed the detective's face
and the tired green eyes brightened. "Thanks, Fraser. I needed to hear
that." Ben smiled and patted his friend's hand. "Now will you sleep well
tonight?" Kowalski looked at him in surprise. "How did you..?" 
"You look like hell, Ray.", The Mountie replied with a playful smile.
"Well, gee, thanks, Fraser." Ben laughed.
"Oh, no trouble. What are friends for?" Ray rolled his eyes and joined
in the laughter, feeling the weight of much anxiety lifted from him.
"Allright, ", he said after a comfortable silence, "let's get back to
work." Fraser grinned. "Right you are, Ray."

Four hours later, Kowalski was much more lively and feeling good. They
had wrapped up for the day and now he was itching for some food, conversation
and alittle soft music. Time to find the Mountie. Problem was, he couldn't
find the Mountie. Wandering around blindly, searching for a flash of
bright red anywhere, he saw Huey leaning over the computer. "Hey, Jack.
You seen Fraser?" The other detective didn't look up. "He's in the locker
room." 
"Thanks." Jack just waved his hand.
 
 
 Kowalski trotted into the locker room and caught sight of the red coat
nearest the showers. He started over, but stopped as he heard a voice,
not his partner's. "-telling you, Benny, I don't miss this dumpster diving
shit." Vecchio. Stan began to move forward, but then stopped as he heard
his name on Vecchio's lips. "So, how are things going with Stanley?"
Kowalski growled. 'Stanley'. "Very well. Ray is a good officer.", Fraser
replied. Kowalski smiled to himself. "Yeah. Not much of a dresser though,
huh?" He heard a soft chuckle from Ben and the smile instantly faded.
"No, he's not."
"I mean, jeez, would it hurt him to actually iron anything, or even comb
his hair?" ,Vecchio asked with a laugh, which Ben joined in on. A sharp
string rose behind the blond's eyes.   Stan bowed his head and quickly
stepped back. Vecchio did not notice, but Fraser caught the blur of movement
out of the corner of his eye. He turned quickly and peered around the
doorway. "Yo, Benny, where are you going?" The Mountie's heart sank as
he caught the briefest glimpse of Ray Kowalski disappearing around the
corner. He swallowed quickly and turned. "Nowhere. I just thought I saw
something."
"You wanna grab something to eat?",Vecchio asked as he slipped into his
jacket. Ben nodded. "That would be nice, Ray."

 Ben awoke the next morning with the most godawful headache he had ever
experienced. It probably had very much to do with the wine that Ray Vecchio
had insisted they drink last night with dinner. "This is a celebration,
Benny. You can't have a celebration without wine.", he had said. "But
I don't drink, Ray.", Fraser had replied. Vecchio had flashed him a charming
grin. "Have some wine anyway." 
  And Ben had had some wine. Now he awoke in a tangle of sheets,  with
no memory at all of how he'd gotten back to the Consulate. He crawled
out of bed and nearly fell over. His legs were like jelly, literally
shaking. Fraser shook his head and wandered into the bathroom. As he
splashed some water on his face he went over the events of yesterday
in his mind and recalled the incident in the locker room. Ray Kowalski.
Hmm, what had happened? Ray had been worried about their friendship and
then....well, then he heard something he wasn't meant to. "Oh, dear.",
Fraser whispered. He would definitely have to clear this up with Kowalski
today. 


  The walk to the precinct helped to clear his head, but it was still
throbbing incessantly. The precinct was busy and crowded, as it had been
for the past few weeks. Francesca, in the process of juggling phone calls
and paperwork, did not even notice as Fraser passed her desk. He scanned
the room, searching for Kowalski and did not find him. It seemed everyone
was too busy to ask. Frannie had her desk work, Huey and Dewey were in
the process of booking a young man with dreadlocks. Ben caught sight
of Welsh heading toward his office and decided to ask the older man for
help. "Ah, Fraser. How are you this morning?", the Lieutenant said as
Fraser fell into step beside him. "I'm fine, Sir. Thank you for asking.
I-"
"Hangover?" Welsh walked into the office and Ben followed, closing the
door behind him. "Sir?"
"Vecchio tells me you don't handle wine very well.", he said, crossing
his arms over his chest and turning to look at the Mountie with amusement.
"I'm afraid not. You see, I don't normally drink and-" He shook his head.
"I'm getting off the subject. I was looking for Detective Kowalski. Do
you happen to know where he is?" Welsh frowned in confusion, "Hmm, he
didn't tell you?" 
"Tell me what, sir?" Welsh sighed with annoyance.
"Of course not, why would he? You're only his partner." Now it was the
Mountie's turn to frown.  "He asked for a transfer. As of next week,
he works for the city of Carbondale." Fraser's mouth fell open. "Carbondale,
sir? Isn't that rather far south of us?" Welsh nodded. "It's very far
south of us, Constable." He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Ray
was just going to take off, without a word. "B-But why, sir?"
"That's a good question, Fraser. Maybe you should ask him."


When he reached Kowalski's apartment, Ben noticed the door was slightly
ajar. Deciding that this was not the time to be formal, or polite, he
let himself in and found Ray in the process of packing. The detective
had his back to Fraser and was gathering a number of underclothes into
his arms. He turned and froze at the sight of the Mountie, but an instant
later went back to tossing the items into the suitcase on the bed. "Ray,
what are you doing?", he asked. The detective did not bother to look
up from his work. "I'm packing, Fraser. Time to get my own life back."
He sighed. "Such as it." "You don't have to go, Ray.", Fraser replied
calmly.
"Yes, I do. Vecchio's back and I, uh, I see how everybody looks at me
now. They don't want me here." He looked Ben in the eye, hands stilled
in the suitcase for a moment. "You don't want me here and I don't want
to be here." "Ray..."
"Don't!" Ray's dangerous temper was beginning to flare." It's Stan. It's
always been Stan." "Ray, you are my friend-"
"Stan, damnit! Your friend? Don't bullshit me, Frase. Let's try to not
to end this whole relationship on a lie." Those words struck Ben painfully
and he a feeling of desperation came over him. It was a feeling he'd
had before. As a child, clining to the edge of a cliff, fearing that
he might fall. "I'm not lying to you. You are my partner and my friend.
Whatever is going on in your head-" "I heard you and Vecchio talking
about me. About how pathetic I am." Ben bowed his head. "What you heard
was Ray--how do you say it--blowing off steam. You two obviously did
not hit it off-" "And I suppose that's my fault too, right?" Ben chose
to ignore that comment.  "--and he was just complaining. He didn't mean
anything he said." "Oh, I'm sure he didn't. C'mon, I have been nothing
but a replacement for him from day one." "That's not true and I think
you're being childish."
"Fuck you, Fraser."
"Ray, please listen to me-"
"No! I'm done. I'm done with you, with Stella, whore that she is. Done
with the 27th and with that goddamn Italian pig Vecc-" He didn't even
get to finish the sentence before the Mountie struck him square in the
jaw. Kowalski  was sprawled on the floor, blinking rapidly to rid his
vision of the lights that flickered unevenly in front of his face. Ben
stood over him, hands balled into fists, face as red as his uniform.
He didn't say a word, not a word. Kowalski felt the sting of tears behind
his eyes. Fraser, Mr. Always-in-Control had just hit him. Had hit him
for calling Vecchio a pig. But he'd laughed when Vecchio made fun of
Ray's clothes. Oh well, that's life. You never really know who your friends
are. Ray shook off the initial stun and rose to his feet slowly. "Well,
at least we know where we stand now, huh?", he muttered.  Fraser said
nothing. Half of him refused to back down and the other half (the half
that was screaming) could not believe he had just struck his friend.
"Will you please leave now, Fraser? I have to finish packing. I hate
leaving stuff like this for the last minute." 


   Sometime later Ben was in the hallway, leaning his forehead against
the wall. He'd hit Ray. He'd hurt him emotionally and physically, more
than Ray would ever let him see. He didn't want to end it like this,
but there was no chance of pursuing it any further today. Part of him
was still angry and Ray was in seemingly in no mood to be reasonable.
Perhaps tomorrow...when they had both calmed down. 


Ben spent the rest of the day with Vecchio. The bank robbery investigation
had fallen into thier laps and they had finally gotten a lead. Ray interrogated
a suspect, while Fraser stood on the sidelines, his mind heavy with guilt
and...something else, though he couldn't quite put his finger on it.
He kept silent, speaking only when spoken to. Vecchio noticed his partner's
unusual reticence, but decided it best to wait until the end of the day
to confront him. 
 
"What's wrong, Benny?", Vecchio asked as they sat in the Consulate, sharing
a pizza. "Nothing, Ray. I've just got alot on my mind right now." Ray
smiled. "Yeah. I know the feeling." He reached across the desk suddenly
and put his hand over Fraser's. "I'm glad we're partners again, Benny.
I missed you." 
"I missed you too, Ray." Vecchio sat back.
"You know, we really haven't had much time to talk."
"No, we haven't."
"So, tell me. How are things? You gotta girl?" Fraser blushed.
"No, Ray, I am afraid not." 
"Oh, no? How are things going with you and the Inspector?"A cognizant
gaze from Ray made Ben blush all the harder. "Now, Ray, I hardly think-"
Vecchio laughed.
"Take it easy, Benny. I was just kidding." The two men joked and chatted
over the rest of dinner. The friendly conversation had a mercifully peaceful
effect on Fraser. They talked about his activites, his investigations
with Kowalski and Ray's experiences undercover. It felt like old times.


  The following morning found Fraser in a much better mood. He was up
bright and early, even before Diefenbaker and was waiting outside the
Consulate when Ray arrived to pick him up. "Precinct, Benny?", Vecchio
asked as he pulled away from the curb. "Actually, Ray, if it wouldn't
be too much trouble I would like to stop by Ray Kowalski's apartment."
Vecchio's eyes narrowed. "Why?" Fraser opened his mouth to explain the
situation to his friend and then thought better of it. "Unfinished business.",he
replied simply. Vecchio shrugged.
"Sure. But I'm not coming up with you."
"As you wish, Ray."

  They were not far from Kowalski's apartment when Ray's phone rang.
"Vecchio." 
"Ray, it's Jack. I was wondering if you give us a hand with something."
Vecchio stifled a groan. "Maybe. What have you got?"
"You're gonna love this. Naked, dead homeless guy near Kettle Wharf."
"Oh, terrific.Why do you need us?"
"We're backed up. We could really use a hand."
"Fine, fine. We'll meet you over there. Hey, Huey? You owe me."
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever, Vecchio." Ray hung up and looked over at Fraser.
"Hey, would you mind if we went to the wharf first? Huey says they got
a dead body. They need our help." Ben nodded understandingly. "I don't
mind, Ray. " Vecchio smiled.
"Great."
 

  Huey and Dewey's car was the only one when they arrived, so chances
were it hadn't even been called in yet. Ray scratched his head and sighed.
He hated dead bodies. The body was at the bottom a gentle slope. Huey
was squatted down beside it, Dewey nowhere in sight. Ray picked his way
slowly downward, carefully watching his step. There was alot of garbage
and...well, he didn't want to know. Whatever it was, it couldn't be any
good for Italian leather. "Hey, Jack!" Startled, the other man looked
up. He rose and moved quickly toward them. The other detective met them
halfway, quickly blocking off Ray's descent. "Vecchio!" Huey put a hand
on the detective's chest, stopping him in mid-step."Fraser, would you
excuse us for a second?" The Mountie nodded and turned away. "What's
up?", Vecchio asked. Huey pulled Ray forward a few steps, assuring that
they were out of Fraser's earshot. "I don't think you want Red to see
this."
"What? The body? Fraser seen plenty of-" Huey shook his head and Vecchio
suddenly noticed tears in his eyes. "This isn't just any body. It's Kowalski."
Ray's heart fluttered. "Stanley?" Huey bit his trembling lip and quickly
regained his compsure. "Yeah." Ray sighed, covering his mouth. He turned
and looked at Fraser. "Um, hey, Benny? Uh, this is a ,um, for our eyes
only kinda thing, so could you just wait by my car please?" The Mountie
looked at him curiously, but  nodded obdiently. "Of course, Ray." As
Fraser walked away, the other two detectives moved down to the covered
body. 

"What happened?"
"We don't know.  We got an anonymous tip that there was a body dumped
here. Pier Security was on the scene first. They said they thought it
was a vagrant. No identification, nothing. " Huey ran his hand over his
hair line and sighed nervously. "I talked to the guy while Dewey went
down to check out the body. Tom took one look, and just started puking."
He was breathing heavily and he looked down. "I, uh, covered up him up.
Didn't want you and Fraser to have to see this. Not the way it was when
we got here." Ray sqatted down and lifted the edge of the sheet, uncovered
the body up to the abdomen. "Aw, Jesus." He crossed himself. Dried blood
ran down from a cut on the blond's forehead. His upper torso and arms
were covered with dark bruises and criss-crossed by cuts. Strangely,
Stan's face was untouched, with the exception of  a scratch above his
eye and a slight bruise on his jaw. The green eyes were open, staring
ahead. Vecchio closed them gently, whispering a prayer in Latin as he
did.  Huey took another shaky breath. "Mort will be able to tell you
for sure, but it looks like he was beaten to death." He looked over his
shoulder for a moment. "How are you going to break this to Fraser?" Vecchio
sighed. "Oh, shit, I don't know." 
"Look, um, Welsh doesn't know yet. I called it in, but I didn't make
an ID." Ray shook his head. None of this was real, couldn't be. "I have
to get Benny back to the Consulate. I have to tell him." Huey nodded.
"Investigation's yours if you want it, man."
"Stan was one of us, Jack. We share the investigation." The other detective
nodded appreciatively. "Thank you."


   Ben was toying with a lottery pen when Ray climbed into the car. 
He let out a shaky sigh and put the keys in the ignition. No sooner had
he done this that he turned quickly and vomitted onto the street. He
sat gasping for several minutes, trying to calm himself and fight the
waves of nausea that passed over him again and again. "Put your head
between your knees." He felt a gentle pressure on the back of his head
and fought it. "No, Benny, just let me go." He took a deep breath and
put his legs back into the car. He tried to avoid Fraser's concerned
stare, to advoid looking at him altogether. "Are you alright, Ray?" He
sniffed.
"Yeah. Um, Benny, there's something I need to talk to you about." "Ray?"

"We're gonna go to the Consulate, o.k.? We'll talk there."
"As you wish."

Fraser made two cups of bark tea when they got to the Consulate. Ray
politely took the one offered to him, but the smell immediately made
him sick again and he put it down. "Ben, sit." Brow furrowed in confusion,
the Mountie sat down on the edge of his cot. Vecchio paced nervously
as he spoke. "The body at the wharf today. It was a cop. " Just come
right out and tell him. "Benny, it was Stanley." Ben's heart constricted
and his stomach churned. He couldn't have heard right. "St-Stanley?"
Vecchio nodded.
"Kowalski." The two men were silent for some time. Ben's breath was coming
in short gasps. He could see Stan standing in the doorway of the office.
Smile on his face, green eyes laughing as he listened to Turnbull ramble
on about the significance of curling. Suddenly he stood and rushed to
the bathroom. "Ben?" Ray closed his eyes as he heard Fraser retch. He
gave the Mountie a few minutes and then joined him in the bathroom. Ben
was leaning against the sink, washing out his mouth. "Are you going to
be o.k.?" He took a deep breath and straightened. "I fought with him,
Ray. The last time we talked, I hit him." Vecchio blinked. "You hit him?"
"He said something about you that made me angry and I hit him." Ray moved
forward and rubbed his back. "Benny..."
"It was inexcusable, Ray." Vecchio was at a loss as to what to say. He
could see the guilt  that was becoming all too familiar in his friend's
eyes. First his father, then Victoria and now Stan. Ben pushed past him,
his steps shaky. He sat down on the bed, facing away from Ray. There
was footsteps in the hall outside and Inspector Thatcher was standing
in the doorway. "Constable, I need those reports on my desk in two hours."
Ben didn't make a move. "Constable?", she said again. She looked at Ray.
"Constable Fraser!" Still Ben did not move. Thatcher was getting annoyed.
"Con-" Ray took a breath.
"Inspector!" He moved toward her. "Outside. Now." 
"Detective-" He gave her no choice but to nearly stumble back out of
the office. 

     Ben could hear their muffled conversation. He sat quietly, arms
wrapped around his body and rocked himself. He could hear Stan's voice
and it was so loud, over powering the conversation, as if Kowalski were
sitting right beside him."You know, Fraser, when they offered me this
assignment they made it sound kinda normal. They say, 'Hey, Ray, here's
a chance to start over, ditch the past.' 'What's the catch?', I say.
'Oh, your partner is Canadian.' 'Canadian? I got nothing against Canadains.'
Except for the time when they won the World Series." Ben smiled thinly.
"Twice, Ray. We won the World Series twice.", he mumbled to himself.