Get Here If You Can

Standard Disclaimer. If Alliance doesn't want them, I'll take them. Please send comments, questions, compliments, and otters to sdelcul@mail.com.

Please bear with me here's a lot of disowning to be done:

-Let it Rain.  Inspired by Billie Meyers, Kiss the rain, which doesn't belong to me.

-Unexpected (what you did to my heart). The title is from the song At the Beginning by Richard Marx.  The story is inspired by Wilson Philips, You're in love, which doesn't belong to me either. When they started playing this song on the radio, it said write me, right now. So I did. I was told that under no circumstances could I leave it at that. So I didn't, which led to the rest of this story, both before and after. Happy reading.

-Limited Warranty. Inspired by Glenn Frey, The One You Love, and you guessed it, it doesn't belong to me.  Don't even get me started on how difficult it was to find the lyrics for this song.  I would have just transcribed it from the radio but I don't have it on tape.  Here's to persistence. I got the title off the ceiling fan box.  I just love how you can find inspiration for DS slash anywhere.

-Walk on Water.  Inspired by Aerosmith, I don't want to miss a thing.  Surprise, surprise, it isn't mind.  I'm reeling from the shock myself. The title is from the soundtrack to the movie Made in America.

-Vendetta.  Inspired by Staind, Crawl.  Hint, not mine.  Plus the line about dim sum isn't mine either.  It's from the Sentinel.  In fact the title is too.  Special thanks to Kasia for playing the bad guy.

-Second Chance.  Inspired by No Doubt, End it on this.  Please repeat after me, not  mine.

-Fool me Twice.  Inspired by 980, Invisible Man.  Partially inspired by the discussion on thecloset about the same thing, but only indirectly.  He is just too sweet and caring.

-Lifetime Guarantee. Title is also from the ceiling fan box.  Inspired by Michael Bolton, Soul of my soul. Why doesn't anyone believe it's mine?  Hm, silvina, maybe because it isn't?

-Fire Hydrant of Love.  Inspired by Celine Dion, If I were you. Oh dear.  a singing wolf.  Please, anything but that. Thank god this is the last section and he's not really singing. Catherine wants it reiterated that she had nothing to do with this title.

-At the end of this sentence, rain will begin. Inspired by Phil Collins, Groovy kind of love.  The title comes from Archipelagoes by Derek Walcott. I just like that sentence.

Basically the key phrase here is, it probably isn't mine.

Onto the story . . .


Let it Rain

[Ray] Something's wrong and for once it isn't just my being so far away from him. See I know that he's a grown man but I should be there, with him. He's an adult, a Mountie even. He can take care of himself; doesn't need anything from me. But he can get hurt so easily. And I don't mean the kind that'll get you in the hospital. He trusts people implicitly and I have to protect him. He hasn't learned that not everybody can be trusted, that's how Victoria was able to blind side him so overwhelmingly. And I can't let that happen again, but I'm here, he's there, and something doesn't feel right.

I love him. He knows that. I think before I left we were both coming to the realization that I loved him that way too. I thought that by taking this assignment I would feel like I was good enough for him. Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. Right now I just know that he needs me. That's all I need to know. I have to see this out but maybe I can hurry this up.

Just a few more days and I'm free. Armande dies, accidentally of course, when the police try and take down the Iguana family. I'm getting more antsy. I wish there was a way to speed this up but the plans have already been moved up. I was supposed to be here for another month but I know I need to be somewhere else. I have to make sure he's okay. I'm more nervous than ever. If something goes wrong, who's gonna watch out for Benny? Thatcher? No way, she'd yell and Benny would freeze, and then she'd leave. I don't think he could take that. I'm sure Frannie'd love to watch out for him but that's not what he needs. I'm getting morbid now. I'm sure everything will work out the way it's supposed to. It has to. I can't wait and soon I won't have to.

First obstacle, my death. Hmmmm. I know I was supposed to die but why did it have to hurt so much? I'm in a hospital surrounded by doctors and FBI agents, recovering from a gun shot wound and I can't see my family yet but I don't want to. I don't want them to see me like this, it's exactly what Ma was worried about. I want to see Benny though cause I still have that feeling. I missed him.

I'm glad to see him but he's so pale. I know that he was terrified. Everyone he's ever loved has died or left him. Did I mention that he told me he loved me? He came in looking like death warmed over and he hugged me and I don't think the jaws of life could have gotten him away from me. It seems like he felt something was wrong too. Gee, maybe we're psychic.

I told him that I loved him when he looked like he was going to cry. I know he understood what I meant because he kissed me. I think everything is going to work out. As long as Ma doesn't kill me for getting hurt. Welsh told Benny that I was shot and in the hospital, I'd get mad at him for worrying Benny like that but I'm too happy right now.

He's sleeping now and I'm kind of dozing. I wonder what they put in the IV, cause I am feeling no pain.  You know, the light from the window, hitting his hair makes him look like an angel.  My angel.

I don't think he's slept much lately.  I wanted him to go home and change and get some sleep cause he looks exhausted but he refused.  I tried to scratch my nose but he had my hand and started waking up when I moved it.  He needs sleep more than I need my hand.
 


Kiss the Rain by Billie Myers

  • Hello . . . Can you hear me?
  • Am I getting through to you?
  • Hello . . . Is it late there?
  • Is there laughter on the line?
  • Are you sure you're there alone?
  • Cause I'm trying to explain
  • Something's wrong
  • You just don't sound the same
  • Why don't you? (x2)
  • Go outside (x2)
  • Kiss the rain, whenever you need me
  • Kiss the rain, whenever I'm gone too long
  • If your lips feel lonely and thirsty
  • Kiss the rain, and wait for the dawn
  • Keep in mind, we're under the same sky
  • And the night's, as empty for me as for you
  • If you feel you can't wait till morning
  • Kiss the rain (x3)
  • Hello . . . Do you miss me?
  • I hear you say you do but not the way I'm missing you
  • What's new? How's the weather?
  • Is it stormy where you are?
  • You sound so close but it feels like you're so far
  • Oh would it mean anything
  • If you knew what I'm left imagining
  • In my mind, my mind
  • Would you go? (x2)
  • Kiss the rain, as you fall, over me
  • Think of me (x3), only me
  • Kiss the rain, whenever you need me
  • Kiss the rain, whenever I'm gone too long
  • If your lips feel hungry and tempted
  • Kiss the rain, and wait for the dawn
  • Keep in mind, we're under the same sky
  • And the night's, as empty for me as for you
  • If you feel you can't wait till morning
  • Kiss the rain (Kiss the rain) (x3)
  • Hello . . .
  • Can you hear me? (x3)


  • Unexpected (what you did to my heart)

    [Angie] Her heart was racing by the time she got to the hospital. Standing by the door to his room she stopped as she caught her breath. Closing her eyes for a moment she pulled the door open and entered the room.

    He was lying on the bed, seemingly asleep; his normally active features were surprisingly pale. Beside him was a man she didn't know. The man had a tight grip on Ray's hand, even though he was asleep. From the looks of it he was exhausted, otherwise it would have been inhumanly impossible for him to fall asleep in such an uncomfortable position. The bright red suit with the leather straps would be painful. The tension visible around his eyes and mouth showed his previous distress.

    She must have made a noise at some point because Ray opened his eyes. Smiling as he recognized her, Ray fidgeted to a more sitting up position. Expecting him to release the man's hand, it didn't register that Ray didn't let go.

    "Hey Ange."

    "Are you okay, Ray?"

    "Yeah. I'm fine."

    "What are you doing here?"

    " I -" She broke off as the man whimpered something in his sleep. Ray used his free hand to calm him, running fingers through the man's short, dark hair. Murmuring softly he patted and soothed until the other man relaxed. She turned back, whatever she was going to say was swallowed. Finally she decided what to say. "I heard what happened. Why didn't you tell me you where going undercover?"

    "I couldn't tell anyone. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you or anything. I'm okay. Really."

    "Are you sure?"

    "I'm okay. You always said I would do anything for a vacation. I figured this way I was assured of a day or two off. "

    "Okay," she giggled, more from relief than amusement, "I'll see you later than."

    "Yeah. Thanks for coming."

    "Bye." Walking out the door she tried to keep the smile from taking over her face.



    It was 3:30 in the morning. She had a long day tomorrow that started at 7:15, and she couldn't sleep. Not a single solitary wink. Her mind kept showing her images of the good times with Ray. There had been so many, even after the divorce. She really couldn't seem to remember why she had wanted that divorce.



    After work the next day she stopped by the Vecchio house to check on Ray. He was resting in his room, being waited on by the ever vigilant Ma Vecchio. After declining her invitation of food, she went up to Ray's bedroom.

    "Ray, did you ever -never mind." She turned to leave.

    "No, Angie, wait! What were you going to say? Please."

    "Do you ever think about when we were married?"

    From the look on his face Ray was obviously shocked. "Wha-Ange?"

    She took a deep breath. "Do you ever think about when we were married, you know?' She watched him glance at his watch. She glanced at her own, a little after four, so what?

    "Ange," He said softly, "what are you trying to ask me?"

    Obviously he didn't feel that way anymore. "I just wanna know if you're happy, Ray. You deserve it."

    "Um, Ange, I need to tell you something but I don't want you to take it the wrong way."

    "Just tell me, Ray."

    "You know Benny, right?"

    "The Mountie, at the hospital?"

    "Yeah. See, we're, um, we're together. You know. We love each other."

    She wasn't as shocked as she expected. Some part of her must have realized it at the hospital. "Are you happy?"

    "Yeah, I am. I really am." He smiled at her.

    She smiled back. On her way out the door, she passed the Mountie. He was still a little pale but he looked a lot happier. Turning back at the sidewalk, she saw Ma Vecchio giving him a hug. Ray would be okay now, she thought.


    You're in love by Wilson Phillips

  • Open the door and come in
  • I'm so glad to see you my friend
  • Don't know how long it has been
  • Having these feelings again
  • And now I see that you're so happy
  • And ooh, it just sets me free
  • And I'd like to see
  • Us as good of friends
  • As we used to be
  • My love
  • You're in love
  • That's the way
  • It should be
  • Cause I want you to be happy
  • You're in love
  • And I know
  • That you're not in love with me
  • It's enough
  • For me to know
  • That you're in love
  • Now I'll let you go
  • Cause I know
  • That you're in love
  • Sometimes it's hard to believe
  • That you're never coming back to me
  • I had this dream that you'd always be by my side
  • Oh I could have died
  • But now I see that you're so happy
  • And ooh it just sets me free
  • And I'd like to see
  • Us as good of friends
  • As we used to be
  • I tried to find you but you were so far away
  • I was praying that fate would bring you back to me
  • Someday someday someday
  • You're in love
  • It's enough
  • For me to know
  • That you're in love
  • Now I'll let you go
  • Cause I know
  • That you're in love


  • Limited Warranty

    [Kowalski] Mark the date in your calendars ladies and gentlemen. Benton Fraser is late. He always comes into the station on his days off.

    "Vecchio. Get in here."

    Wow, he sounds annoyed. Think Ray, what have you messed up on lately? He couldn't have found out about the mishap at the restaurant yet could he? "Sorry, sir. It won't happen again. See we went there for dinner and Dief sorta-"

    "Stop."

    "Uh, yes sir."

    "Vecchio's back. He's in the hospital."

    Huh? I'm in the- wait a minute. What?

    "He was shot when they were pulling him out. Bullet hit him in the chest but he's gonna be okay."

    "Shot. Hospital. What?" Okay, I'm confused now.

    Welsh smiled faintly. "I'll go slowly and use small words."

    Ray was too mixed up to be annoyed.

    "One, they pulled Vecchio."

    He nodded.

    "Two, during the" Welsh cleared his throat to suggest sarcasm, "pulling, Ray was shot."

    "Mhm."

    "Three, he's going to be okay."

    "Ah."

    "Speaking of ah, Fraser is with him."

    "Okay." Great. Just peachy. Fraser is with the incredible Mr. Vecchio. Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound and all that jazz. Be still my heart.

    "Any questions about what we just covered, Detective?"

    He smirked at the patronizing words but asked, "so what happens to me now?"

    "He's there under another name. When he's released he'll go home until he's fully recuperated. We'll keep a discreet guard there for a while. Then after a few weeks, when he's ready to, he'll come back for real."

    "And me?"

    "Well, until he comes back you keep being him. Then you'll probably be held in a safe house for a while, and then you'll be reassigned."

    Right, reassigned. Like I was never here at all. I should have known.


    He was released a week later. Funny, but I can hardly call him Vecchio. I mean, I know that's his name and I was just borrowing it, but I like it. I like Ray Vecchio a lot better than Stanley Raymond Kowalski. Kowalski had nothing but some dance steps and memories of Stella. Ray Vecchio has friends. He has the Mountie. He has a career that's going somewhere. Did I mention that he has the Mountie?

    Now he spends two weeks at home. Welsh can contact him. So can Fraser. I think the only reason that Fraser didn't stay with him the entire time is that it was dangerous. Not dangerous for him of course, he wouldn't let that interfere, but dangerous for poor, perfect Ray Vecchio. The real Ray Vecchio. Might look a little strange if Fraser seemed to stop work and spend all his time at the house, so until Vecchio returns, I get to see Fraser a few more times. But he spends a lot of his spare time there anyway. And what does that leave me with?

    I sound really mature here don't I? But why can't I have some of this; it's not fair. You should have seen his face when I stopped by the Consulate the day after Vecchio was released. He was so excited, you could see it in his eyes. Happy too. Like I've never seen him so happy. Makes me wonder if everything I've seen has been with him depressed. I don't like that thought. I can make him laugh. I should be making him happy like that.

    I got to meet him once. At the hospital. I don't know what's so special about him; he looks like any other normal guy. What's so special about him? He has a big nose and he's going bald. He looked like a normal guy, who'd been shot so he was a little pale, but just a guy. Until Benny walked in.

    Walked in and lit up like a kid who just got the Christmas present he really wanted and hadn't told anyone about. And this guy just stood there soaking it all up until Benny went over to him and hugged him. The only time I really remember touching him was when I punched him. I can't believe I did that. But he never touched me like that.

    The only thing I ever called him was Fraser. I don't know, I just never thought of him as the nickname type. And I don't think anyone else could call him Benny anyway. He wouldn't let them, would you Fraser? Yeah, I was jealous. He couldn't stop grinning at the guy. It was like a light went on that I had never seen before and never thought of looking for.


    And now it's my turn in the safe house. Different one, no family, no Fraser visiting, only one guard, 'cause I'm not really at any risk. Oh no, I'm not the one who took the mob head on. That was Vecchio, best friend of Super Mountie.

    I never really thought about what the end would be like, it was too painful and yet too distant. Did you ever feel like you don't know who you are? Like, if you weren't around somebody, or if that somebody wasn't around you that you wouldn't be you? Or at least not the you that you think you are?

    I took this job to get away from Ray Kowalski's life, but I didn't think I'd become an entirely different person. And it's all because of Fraser. If I leave what happens to the Ray that I was? I don't have Stella, and if she heard me say that she'd punch me into tomorrow for thinking that I could have her, like a possession or something. My mom and dad live in Arizona, I don't have any brothers or sisters, and except for Fraser and people at the station, I don't have any friends. I don't know what having a brother is like but I love him like one. He's my best friend. He's like a hero or something; he's everything I want to be when I grow up except it's really more that he's who I want to be when I grow up and it's too late 'cause I am grown up. If I don't have him then what do I have? Who am I? . . . . Nothing.


    The One You Love by Glenn Frey

  • I know you need a friend
  • Someone you can talk to
  • Who will understand
  • What you're going through
  • When it comes to love
  • There's no easy answer
  • Only you can say
  • What you're gonna do
  • I heard you on the phone
  • You took his number
  • Said you weren't alone
  • But you'd call him soon
  • Isn't he the guy
  • The guy who left you cryin'?
  • Isn't he the one
  • Who made you blue?
  • When you remember
  • Those nights in his arms
  • You know you've got to
  • Make up your mind
  • Are you going to stay
  • With the one who loves you
  • Or are you going back
  • To the one you love
  • Someone's going to cry
  • When they learn they've lost you
  • Someone's going to thank the stars above
  • What are you going to say
  • When he comes over
  • There's no easy way
  • To see this through
  • All the broken dreams
  • All the disappointments
  • Oh girl, what are you gonna do
  • Your heart keeps saying
  • It's just not fair
  • But still you've got to make up your mind
  • Are you going to stay
  • With the one who loves you
  • Or are you going back
  • To the one you love
  • Someone's going to cry
  • When they learn they've lost you
  • Someone's going to thank the stars above


  • Walk on Water

    [Benton] I love you, Ray.  I didn't think I would feel this way.  I haven't had a lot of experience with happily ever after emotionally, but everything about you is different.  I've never met anyone like you.  You are necessary to me.  I can't think of a better way to explain how I feel.  All my life I've tried to be self-sufficient and I thought I was, until you left.  You scared me more than I ever could have imagined.

    From the moment Lieutenant Welsh told me, I've been terrified. And now finally, Ray is back. He's back and he's going to be okay and absolutely nothing else matters. I'm fighting to stay awake because I feel like if I blink, I'll wake up and realize that I was dreaming. That Ray is still undercover or that he died trying to get out. It's at those moments when I try to stay awake. Because I don't want to go back to being alone. When I first came to Chicago, the last of my family had just died. Once again I was alone, in name, as well as in fact. The only reason I survived was that Ray was there.

    I guess I fell asleep. At first I couldn't because I was so worried, now I have to try and stay awake.  I couldn't stay asleep.  I kept waking up expecting it to all be a dream.  Finally he gave me his hand and it's hard not to sleep.  I'm so tired.

    Once I had caught up on some of my sleep, I began to believe he could be real.  I stayed there for more than twenty-four hours straight, not even Ray could make me leave, but I did eat and drink something so he wouldn't worry about me.

    I was happy when Ray stopped by.  They have a lot in common and I want them to be friends.  Perhaps he'll stay in Chicago.  I think he might; he seems more confident now, and he's made many friends.  I'll never forget what he did for Ray and he's a good person.

    It's hard leaving Ray to go to work and not spending all my available time with him.  I must be quiet a sight if even Turnbull seems calmer than I am.  He's only spilled one cup of coffee while I managed to almost stab myself with a letter opener, hit Inspector Thatcher with the door and Ovitz startled me when I was daydreaming.  At least when I'm with Ray, he understands where my attention is, not that I'm ignoring him or anything. I think it will be good for him to spend some time deciding who he is and what he wants from life.  He and Maggie really hit it off too.  Maybe they can help each other the way Ray was able to help me.

    Ray.  He's almost ready to go back to work; he just has to get final approval from Mrs. Vecchio.  Everything is perfect right now; what could go wrong?


    I Don't Want To Miss A Thing by Aerosmith

  • I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
  • Watch you smile while you are sleeping
  • While you're far away dreaming
  • I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
  • I could stay lost in this moment forever
  • Every moment spent with you
  • Is a moment I treasure
  • Don't want to close my eyes
  • I don't want to fall asleep
  • Cause I'd miss you baby
  • And I don't want to miss a thing
  • Cause even when I dream of you
  • The sweetest dream will never do
  • I'd still miss you baby
  • And I don't want to miss a thing
  • Lying close to you feeling your heart beating
  • And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
  • Wondering if it's me you're seeing
  • Then I kiss your eyes
  • And thank God we're together
  • I just want to stay with you in this moment forever
  • Forever and ever
  • Don't want to close my eyes
  • I don't want to fall asleep
  • Cause I'd miss you baby
  • And I don't want to miss a thing
  • Cause even when I dream of you
  • The sweetest dream will never do
  • I'd still miss you baby
  • And I don't want to miss a thing
  • I don't want to miss one smile
  • I don't want to miss one kiss
  • I just want to be with you
  • Right here with you, just like this
  • I just want to hold you close
  • Feel your heart so close to mine
  • And just stay here in this moment
  • For all the rest of time
  • Don't want to close my eyes
  • I don't want to fall asleep
  • Cause I'd miss you baby
  • And I don't want to miss a thing
  • Cause even when I dream of you
  • The sweetest dream will never do
  • I'd still miss you baby
  • And I don't want to miss a thing
  • Don't want to close my eyes
  • I don't want to fall asleep
  • I don't want to miss a thing


  • Vendetta

    [Victoria] Bet you thought you'd beaten me.  You thought you'd won.  You didn't.  You couldn't.  You won't. After everything you put me through?  I was even going to let you come with me.  Until that cop shot you.  What nice friends you have, Benton.  Do you have friends now?

    See, when I got off that train, I was so nervous.  First, I had to make sure that no one could find me.  When I finally felt safe, I checked up on you.  I should have known better than to expect him to finish the job for me.  That would have been perfect.  You're dead, reputation ruined, and he's suspended for shooting an unarmed man in the back.

    Even if he got off, I bet he would have felt really guilty.  I don't know how such a sap can get people to do things they don't want to.  You try and manipulate everyone with this honest Mountie routine, and all the while you're screwing the people you claim to love. Oh well, I'll just have to finish the job myself. I know just the way too.  And it's his own fault, you know.  You were coming with me.  I know it.  He's the one who interfered, and he should pay.  He's made it so easy.  He let me into his house.  I don't really know why I "borrowed" that picture, but it sure has come in handy . . .



    "Excuse me, are you Francesca Vecchio?"

    "Yeah, that's me."  She had an art book in front of her, opened to a light pencil sketch of a man.

    "Hi, I'm Kasia Banks.  We're in the same art class."

    "Oh yeah.  I remember you.  You sit in the back, right by the door."

    She laughed.  "Yeah, I just have a thing about not sitting up front.  Is that your sketch for next week?"

    "Yeah, the man of my dreams, Benton Fraser."

    "The Mountie?"

    "Yeah.  You know him?"

    "Doesn't every girl in the greater Chicago area?" They giggled, sharing an open secret.  "You weren't going to lunch, were you?"

    "You wanna join me? We can discuss the Mountie."

    "Okay, let's go."

    "He's my brother's best friend, you know."

    "Wow, really?  Tell me all about him.  What's he really like?" Victoria suppressed the urge to say, 'Well, I slept with him.'

    It was so easy to do this.  Easy to find a way to befriend this woman.  This woman who put the dim in dim sum.  Easy to change her looks and her name and punish those who had betrayed her.  Perhaps when this was complete she would travel and live the life she should have lived, only barely regretting that the one who might have been with her had betrayed her.



    During the next two weeks, Victoria did her best to become close friends with Francesca.  Everything she had ever learned about her she used to her advantage.  Of course, they spent much time conversing about one Benton Fraser,  which is why Francesca chose her new friend to commiserate with when she learned something.

    "He what?!  You're kidding me!"

    "Do you honestly thing that I would joke about something like that?!  You should have seen their expressions when they told me."

    "What did you say?"

    "I ran all the way to the ladies' room.  Of course Ray followed me into the bathroom.  He wanted to make sure that I was okay.  It was kind of sweet actually."

    I think I'm going to barf.

    "He said that he loved me and he loved the family but he loved Benton and he hoped I was okay with everything."

    "Wow.  What did you say?"  This changed everything.  She was going to have to start things sooner than she had planned.

    "I opened my mouth but I couldn't make words come out.  I just had to get out of there."

    "Listen, why don't you come back to my place with me and we can talk some more."

    "Okay.  It's been a long day. Maybe I should call Ray, though.  Just so he doesn't worry."

    "After what he did?  It doesn't seem like he cares much.  Let him worry, it will show him how it feels to be left out of the loop."

    Once they arrived at her rented apartment, it was easy for Victoria to cook a special meal that left Francesca unconscious.  For the next several hours, she would remain unaware of the unfolding events.



    "Hello?"

    "Did you miss me, Ben?"  She laughed at his stunned silence.

    "Victoria?"

    "Yes."

    "What do you want?"

    Was she imagining the slightest tremble in his voice? "It's not about what I want, Ben.  It's about what you want."

    "What do you mean?"  His voice was stronger now and she heard a whispered conversation.  Vecchio was there.

    "Do you want to see Francesca Vecchio alive?  Does your precious boyfriend?"

    "How did you know-Where is she, Victoria?"

    "Come to the fountain in Hyde Park. Alone, Ben.  If I see one sign of him or the cops, she's dead and you'll never find me.  You'll never be able to stop looking over your shoulder, wondering when I'm going to get your sweet boytoy.  And leave the wolf at home too."

    "Victoria-wait."

    She hung up.  It was too late.  There was no going back now, no forgiveness.  Revenge: and nothing else mattered.


    Crawl by Staind

  • I'm so lonely
  • You're so beautiful
  • Not the only
  • One who's pitiful
  • Stretched and torn
  • I lay here in pieces
  • Craving all of your deadly vices
  • Like to think I'm not addicted
  • But I guess I wear it well
  • And I crawl, while you spit
  • And I crawl, through your sh*t
  • Here I am now
  • Not a lot has changed
  • Nothing better
  • Everything's the same
  • Late at night
  • I can hear your voices
  • Talking sh*t about all my choices
  • You would think that you've known me forever
  • Just because you know my name
  • And I crawl, while you spit
  • And I crawl, through your sh*t
  • Everything falls apart
  • And I crawl, while you spit
  • And I crawl, through your sh*t


  • Second Chance

    [Francesca] I'm scared.  I don't know what's going on, and no one will tell me.  One minute I'm talking to Kasia, then I'm tied up, blindfolded and gagged.  I tried to scream, to make as much noise as possible, but nobody heard me.  Hours later (I know it was hours), I heard a door opening.  I was terrified, but it was only Benton.  I told him all I knew and he told me that Kasia wasn't who I thought she was.  Turns out she's an old girlfriend (bitch!) and that's all he would say, really.  He stammered so much; he couldn't say even that much without blushing furiously.



    Even when being kidnapped, I'm only a distraction.  While Benton was finding me, Kasia (no, her name is Victoria) was shooting Ray.  She almost killed him.  Would have if Ma and Dief hadn't been there.

    And now, Ma and Dief are heroes, Ray is the courageous wounded one, and Benton is the poor rescuing knight, poor victim of "that woman." So what am I, you might ask.  I'm the irresponsible, self-absorbed girl who let it all happen.  I'll always be Ray's flaky little sister.

    What can I say, Ray, except that I'm sorry.  I am so very, very sorry.  I was just so, I don't know, shocked when I found out.  I didn't know what to think and I had all these crazy thoughts running through my mind.

    I didn't know who she was.  I thought she was a girl in my art class who wanted to be friends.  I haven't had that, really.  Sure, I've got all our cousins and everything, but I've never had really close girlfriends that I could talk to.  I grew up, I guess, and all my old friends hadn't.  In a way it's your fault, though.

    Yeah, I mean, you could have told me or something.  Of course I was surprised.  And you never told me about Victoria or what she'd done.  You just sent us all to Florida.  And then you lied.  You said that Benton got shot on a case, although I guess that's not a complete lie.  Then you got shot and the two of you went to Canada and then life went on and you didn't say anything.  You could have told me that too.  If you had told me I would have realized that Kasia Banks was really Victoria Metcalfe and I wouldn't have gone with her anywhere.



    He's in there now.  With him.  Ma is too.  I've been avoiding Benton.  Of course, if he wanted to see me, he would have found me easily.  He probably hates me now.

    "He wants to see you."

    Huh?  "What?"  Ma's standing in front of me now.  She's been with Ray and Benton almost all day.  I see Benton's distinctive uniform move from the corner of my eye.  He's leaving the area with every set of female eyes focused right on him, including Mrs. Kobeszko, who broke her hip, and she's 93.  Isn't it a shame, he's only got eyes for one person.  My brother.  Can you tell I'm procrastinating going in to see Ray?

    He doesn't look very good in all this white when he's pale.  It makes him look pasty.

    "Are you okay, Frannie?"

    Geez, why am I crying?  I wasn't the one who almost died, I was petty enough not to call, and he's worried about me?

    Why does he have to be so, so, so Ray?  He's always taken care of me.  Why did he have to fall in love with the man of my dreams?  Why did it have to be mutual?


    I can't avoid him any more.  I apologized to Ray and he apologized to me and we both forgave each other.  I thought that would be the end of it, but Ray was right.  I have to apologize to Benton as well.  I just can't do it here, or at his apartment.  The safest place I can think of is at the Consulate.  That way, I can leave quickly, and he can't get too mad.  Now I just have to make myself do it.  I know I need to, I just don't want to.

    "Ah, Miss Vecchio.  Welcome to Canada."

    "Hey, Turnbull.  Is Fraser in?"

    "Yes, ma'am."

    "Thanks."

    "You're welcome."

    She knocked at the heavy wooden door.

    "Come in."  He stood as soon as he realized who it was and began to speak, "Francesca-"

    "Wait.  Can we talk for a moment?  I need to say some things.  I promise you can say whatever you want to me as soon as I finish. "  He looked nervous.  No, terrified.  You know how a squirrel looks, just before you hit him?

    "I'm not going to attack you.  I promise not to try anything.  I know I'm not the one you want."

    "All right."

    "I'm sorry."


    End it on this by No Doubt

  • You see in the past
  • I had a dream, a fantasy
  • I thought that we
  • Would last
  • Become a little family
  • Then one, two, three, four
  • The years were flying by
  • They soared
  • And it's my gut feeling
  • It's not happening
  • For me, so...
  • Let's end it on this
  • Give me one last kiss
  • Let's end it on this
  • Let's end it on this
  • You see it's hard to face
  • The addict
  • That's inside of me
  • I want to fill my glass up
  • With you constantly
  • I've been here before
  • But I've never ever felt
  • This sure and now I know
  • I've been dreaming
  • And your actions
  • Have inspired me, so...
  • I open up, you ignore me
  • You're not the same at all
  • And if I could turn back
  • The pages of time
  • I'd rewrite your point of view
  • Washed up on the shore
  • Given one last chance
  • To try some more
  • But I'm tired, I'm freezing
  • Let's stop and call it history


  • Fool Me Twice

    [Renfield] The sound of the door opening interrupted his thoughts.  Looking up, he was entranced.  Francesca Vecchio was a vision.  His mouth was suddenly dry and he hoped his nervousness would not cause him embarrassment.  "Ah, Miss Vecchio.  Welcome to Canada."  That had come out reasonably normal, hadn't it?

    "Hey, Turnbull.  Is Fraser in?"

    Of course.  Why had he wished that she was here to see him?  He knew exactly how she felt about Constable Fraser, had known from the first time they met. Thatcher had sent him to retrieve Fraser, as she was loath to set foot in the 27th precinct station.  He had been standing in front of Detective Vecchio's desk, and, assuming that he was Constable Fraser, Francesca had "accidentally" run into him.   "Yes, ma'am."

    "Thanks."

    There was no way he could compete with Constable Fraser.  Fraser was everything Turnbull wasn't.  He was clever and handsome and elegant, not clumsy and unattractive.  For him to attract Francesca's attention was only a fantasy that would never come true. "You're welcome."

    She knocked at the heavy wooden door and went inside.  He fought the urge to eavesdrop.  From upstairs in the Queen's bedroom, one could hear into all the rooms below, through an old heating duct.  Only he was meticulous enough to clean the inside of the piping, so only he knew of the effect.  The temptation was almost overwhelming.

    A few minutes later she exited the room.  This time, she walked out the door without even a nod to him. Hurt, he realized that she had been attempting to hold back tears.  His sense of chivalry and honor demanded that he confront the man who made her cry, his sense of duty warned him not to interfere where he wasn't involved.  He couldn't stop himself from finding an excuse to go into Fraser's office himself.

    "Constable Fraser?"

    "Yes?  What is it, Turnbull?"  He looked rather worn out.  Obviously the conversation had affected him as well.

    "This file needs your signature as well as Detective Vecchio's.  Perhaps he can sign it when he picks you up."

    Fraser sighed and took the file from him.  "Ray won't be picking me up.  He isn't able to drive yet."  He said coldly.

    "Oh."  He'd done it again.  Somehow he'd bumbled his job without an inkling of how or why.  Knowing he was blushing the color of his uniform, he mumbled his apologizes.

    "On second thought, Turnbull, why don't you give me that file.  If Inspector Thatcher asks, I'm at the hospital having Ray sign it, okay?"  Fraser was out of the office and almost out of the Consulate when it occurred to him that he still held the unsigned file in his hands.

    "Constable Fraser, wait."

    "What is it, Turnbull?"  Turnbull placed the file in his hands.  "Ah."

    Turnbull turned and went back to his lonely desk, contemplating a full day of paperwork.

    "Turnbull?" Constable Fraser was in front of him again.  "Thank you.  I'm sorry I snapped at you earlier."

    It was hard to hate the man.  Why did he have to be so perfect?


    Invisible Man by 98 Degrees

  • You can hardly wait to tell all your friends
  • How his kisses taste sweet like wine
  • And how he always makes your heart skip a beat
  • Every time he walks by
  • And if you're feeling down
  • He'll pick you up
  • He'll hold you close when you're makin' love
  • He's everything you've been dreaming of
  • Oh baby
  • I wish you'd looked at me that way
  • Your beautiful eyes lookin' deep into mine
  • Tellin' me more than any words could say
  • But you don't even know I'm alive
  • Baby to you, all I am is the invisible man
  • You don't see me baby
  • You probably spend hours on the phone
  • Talkin 'bout nothin at all
  • It doesn't matter what the conversation
  • Just as long as he calls
  • Lost in a love so real
  • And so sincere
  • And you wipe away other's tears
  • Your face lights up whenever he appears
  • Oh....
  • I wish you'd looked at me that way
  • Your beautiful eyes lookin' deep into mine
  • Tellin' me more than any words could say
  • But you don't even know I'm alive
  • Baby to you, all I am is the invisible man
  • I see it all the time baby
  • The way you look at him
  • I wish it was me sweetheart
  • How I wish it was me
  • But I guess it never will be
  • I wish you'd looked at me that way
  • Your beautiful eyes lookin' deep into mine
  • Tellin' me more than any words could say
  • But you don't even know I'm alive
  • Baby to you, all I am is the invisible man
  • I wish you'd looked at me that way
  • Your beautiful eyes lookin' deep into mine
  • Tellin' me more than any words could say
  • But you don't even know I'm alive
  • Baby to you, all I am is the invisible man
  • Oh oh oh
  • The invisible man
  • You don't see me girl
  • But I love you
  • Yes I love you
  • The invisible man
  • Oh oh oh
  • The invisible man
  • Baby, baby, baby


  • Lifetime Guarantee

    [Rosa]  Hail Mary, full of grace.  Holy mother of god, the Lord is with thee.  Blessed art thou and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.  Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death.

    Rosa Vecchio sat in the small hospital chapel saying the rosary for her son.  Once again he had nearly been killed.  She had spent most of the previous day and all of that morning with her son.  Every day she feared for the safety of her son, a police officer.  A noble profession,  no doubt, but a dangerous one as well.  This was not the first time she'd kept watch in a hospital for her younger son.  Having lost her older son at a young age, she much appreciated the supportive presence of her son's best friend, Benton Fraser.  Rosa Vecchio had a large, warm heart, easily large enough to include her adopted son.  Gathering up her things, she also gathered up her courage to go back to the hospital room in which her son was currently sleeping to regain his strength.

    She opened the door and froze when she realized that not only was her son not sleeping, he wasn't alone either, and even more shocking was what he was doing and with whom.

    Her recently seriously injured son was lifted to a semi-upright position by several pillows.  His arms were holding her adopted almost-son as he leaned over the bed.  They were kissing; an abandoned manila folder lay discarded at the foot of the bed, almost surreal given the situation she'd walked in on.  Finally the shock reached her motor neurons and the rosary fell out of her hands and onto the floor with a small clink.  Startled, the two men looked up in horror as they noticed her.

    She watched in a daze as her son's face collapsed, and he attempted to get up and reach her.  Not strong enough to do so, he became increasingly agitated.  Many of the monitors to which he was still attached began ominously protesting his continued attempts to get up.

    "Shit, shit, shit, Benny.  She's going to hate me, Benny.  Ma's going to hate me."

    In the face of Ray's growing distress, she was all but forgotten as Benton tried to calm him down.  Picking up her rosary, Rosa fled the room and found herself where she'd always found sanctuary before now, the chapel.  She knelt in genuflection, heart calming with the peaceful cadence of prayer.  Behind her, a door opened and someone stepped inside.  Without turning she knew who it was.  Standing, she turned to face the man who had been kissing her son.

    "Mrs. Vecchio-"  The normally unflappable Mountie was tongue-tied.

    "Not here.  The cafeteria."  She headed there without confirmation, secure that he was following.  The cafeteria was almost deserted between the lunch and dinner rushes.  She sat quickly at a table against the wall.  Benton had fallen behind a bit and this time she watched him carefully as he approached.

    Every piece of his body language was screaming fear and hurt.  His shoulders were as slumped as she'd ever seen them; he was so drawn into himself that he seemed several inches shorter.  Unimaginably, her first instinct as a mother was to tuck him into bed with a hug and a teddy bear.  She could easily see the little boy he had been when his mother died.  Her shock had already begun to fade into something much softer.  He sat down gingerly and she could see him working to meet her eyes without blushing.

    "Benton, help me understand."

    "I love him.  Please don't make him choose.  I don't think I could stand it when he left me."

    "What do you mean?"  She asked calmly.

    "If you make him choose, he'll choose you. I know he will.  I can't lose him."  His eyes only looked at his hands on the table.  suddenly he looked up at her and whispered ever so quietly, "They had to sedate him."  Whispered like he was sharing a secret, and in a way, he was.  "I can't be alone anymore."

    She was shocked.  "Sedated?  Why?"

    "He wanted to find you.  He got so worked up.  He couldn't stand to lose you."  She could hardly hear his next words as he lay his head down.  "Alone.  All alone."

    Without a single conscious thought she was comforting him, one hand holding both of his. "Oh  Benton.  I don't hate him.  I don't hate you either.  I don't understand, but I love my son."  Tenderly she brushed a hand through his thick hair.  "I love both my sons."

    She pulled her chair closer to his and pulled him into a warm embrace.  In a split second she was being hugged back, tightly.  Benton was trembling in her arms.

    When was the last time this sweet sad boy had let out his fears safely?  Except for Ray, who had ever let him know they cared?  She could see the depths to which he cared for her son and how much her son meant to him.  Suddenly, she was very proud of her son and his choice to love this man.


    Soul of my Soul by Michael Bolton

  • We may be strangers
  • We may be worlds apart sometimes
  • And it's hard to accept
  • Things we just don't understand
  • So blind to each other
  • We only see one side of nowhere
  • Some things we may never know
  • If there's one thing you should ever know
  • Soul of my soul, heart of my heart
  • The greatest treasure of my life
  • That's what you are
  • Soul of my soul, heart of my heart
  • I love you more than you know
  • Soul of my soul
  • Into this world
  • We come with a heart that's open wide
  • And the best of life
  • Is all I ever want for you
  • The love you believe in,
  • Your every dream
  • Your every passion
  • In time I know you'll come to see
  • Nothin' means as much to me
  • Soul of my soul, heart of my heart
  • The greatest treasure of my life
  • That's what you are
  • Soul of my soul, heart of my heart
  • I love you more than you know
  • Soul of my soul
  • There'll come a time when you'll be on your own
  • But in your heart you're never far from home
  • Every road you take
  • Your every living day
  • You will always be, you will always be
  • The soul of my soul
  • Soul of my soul, heart of my heart
  • The greatest treasure of my life
  • That's what you are
  • Soul of my soul, heart of my heart
  • I love you more than you know
  • Soul of my soul
  • Soul of my soul, heart of my heart
  • Some kind of miracle of life
  • That's what you are
  • Blood of my blood, light of my life
  • You mean much more than you know
  • Soul of my soul


  • Fire Hydrant of Love

    [Dief] My pack is made up of humans. They can be very strange sometimes. Take now, for example. I watched as Ray slept fitfully, caught in a nightmare beyond the reach of his medication. My other packmate should have been there to comfort him. Sigh. A wolf's work is never done. Must I do everything myself now?

    I let myself out of the hospital room and began tracking my packmate and the lady who calls me a dog (but she always has a tasty treat for me). Nobody seemed to find my presence unusual since all of the staff has fallen in love with me. What can I say? It's a skill.

    There they were. In a cafeteria at a time like this. Doesn't he realize that Ray needs him right now?  Even I know that sometimes other things are more important than eating. Sometimes.

    I pushed at my packmate's knee and realized that they weren't eating. Getting no reaction, I whined and rubbed comfortingly against his leg until a hand came and scratched behind my ears in thanks. Licking my packmate's face, I found it saltier than usual but this thought was quickly overshadowed by others as we finally headed back to the hospital room. Finally they understand that he needs them. Humans can be so dumb.

    For example, let's consider how Ray was injured. To really explain, I'd have to begin at the beginning. As a young wolf, I was tracking some caribou when I came upon a human who had fallen in a well. After some unfortunate mishaps I managed to rescue him. He was rather lonely and I was getting bored so I stayed with him. He was always getting into trouble. Once I had to pull him out of a freezing lake. My eardrums burst from the cold. (Shh. Don't tell him they've healed. He doesn't know.)

    Anyway, my life became even stranger when his father was killed. Since he was now part of my pack, I went with him to find out what had happened. That was several seasons ago. I don't want to return. That place was cold and there wasn't any pizza or doughnuts or milkduds or . . . but I digress.

    This is a big place with lots of people who do weird things. I have many friends here, and of course my mate is here with our pups. I can't leave them until they're grown. Our pack grew to include Ray and then it grew much larger when his family became part of the pack. His mother always has a nice bit of something for me, and thankfully she doesn't listen to my packmate when he starts talking about a diet. I do wish she'd stop calling me a dog. I am a wolf.  At first Ray was afraid of me.  We became friends quickly, although he pretends to only be putting up with me so he can sneak me doughnuts.

    At one point my junk food supplier went away. I met a new Ray then. He was different but I liked him too. He became part of my pack when he saved my packmate. He told me things because he didn't really believe that I understand. He needs to find a mate; it would make him happier.

    I missed the first Ray and not just because he fed me. I know that my packmate missed him too. Late at night he'd move restlessly in his sleep, I think he was dreaming of Ray because he would call out his name. I don't know why he tried to hide it from me; it was obvious that he wanted to mate with Ray. I could smell it on him.

    When Ray came back, I wasn't sure that he would stay.  See, physically my packmate can take care of himself; when it comes to love and mating, he hasn't got a clue.  After that bitch hurt him, my packmate was extremely hesitant to say anything.  The amount of pining away that I heard was almost too much.  I was going to do something unless he finally made a move but thankfully they both acted like reasonable wolves about it. Everything was getting back to normal when she showed up.

    I said it, didn't I. I said from the very beginning that girl was going to be nothing but trouble. And I was right. I mean the last time she was here, she shot me, for Pete's sake. How much more trouble can you be? Of course even I didn't realize how much trouble she was going to be. I didn't expect to be shot. I know my packmate didn't either, he was completely under her spell.

    This time, Ray was shot instead. Which brings us to the present. They were licking faces when his mother came in. Something about that upset her, and that upset Ray. And finally, I just had to get involved. The head wolf must take care of the members of his pack. But I told them. Why didn't they just listen to me? Oh well.  Good thing we're going home now.  I sure will miss the nurses.


    I'm glad to be home. I visited Maggie and the pups.  They're all doing fine.  Soon they'll start their own packs.  What I wouldn't give for a doughnut right about now.  Good.  Ray's waking up.  Maybe he'll join me . . .


    If I were you by Celine Dion

    Warning, I've changed the pronouns ("she" to "he") so they fit.
  • He can feel you
  • Drifting far away
  • But he can't see through
  • What you do not say
  • Take a step back
  • Don't lose your ground
  • Remember how you felt before
  • And if you care about him
  • Show him that you're sure
  • If I were you
  • My prized possessions
  • Would be the ones I'd hold so close
  • 'Cause when you lose your love
  • You lose what means the most
  • If I were you
  • I'd hold affection
  • Higher than any star in sight
  • Take this to heart
  • And you'll never part
  • These are the things that I would do
  • If I were you
  • Simple pleasures
  • The hardest to be found
  • Can't be measured
  • 'Till they're not around
  • Maybe he'll go
  • Maybe he'll stay
  • But he'd rather go than fade away
  • Sometimes the sweetest sorrow
  • Is the saddest fate
  • Take a step back
  • Don't lose your ground
  • Remember how you felt before
  • And if you care about him
  • Show him that you're sure
  • If I were you
  • I'd hold affection
  • Higher than any star in sight
  • Take this to heart
  • And you'll never part
  • These are the things that I would do
  • If I were you
  • Take this to heart
  • You'll never part
  • These are the things that I would do
  • If I were you


  • At the end of this sentence, rain will begin

    (Derek Walcott -- Archipelagoes)

    [Ray] He woke up slowly and stretched luxuriously, hearing several satisfying pops. Only then did he open his eyes. He was in his room, in his bed, and in his pajamas.  His partner was on the other side of the bed, above the covers.  He was about to move himself closer when Dief licked his face, prompting him to make his way to the bathroom to wash.

    In a rather shuffling pace, he then followed his nose down to the kitchen, where his mother, after admonishing him for getting up, proceeded to feed him toward good health in the time-honored tradition of the Italian mother. Over coffee, he finally brought up the topic which was plaguing him.

    "Ma, about Benny and me. I'm sorry I didn't tell you." He hung his head. "I was scared that you would hate me."

    "Caro, I could never hate you. Te amo."

    "Te amo, mama." He managed to complete the words before yawning.

    "Go back to bed figlio mio."

    She helped him upstairs and into bed. Fraser was still on the other side, pulled tight against the edge taking up as little room as possible. With a kiss to Fraser's forehead, she left the room. Ray found himself in an interesting situation. He was alone in a bed with Fraser. With his mother's approval. Oh, if only she wasn't downstairs and he had the strength. Wishful fantasies aside, Benny was just too far away, scrunched up all the way over there. He tugged and pulled until Fraser was within definite reach. His pulling had begun awakening Fraser who hummed contentedly as Ray cuddled up to the best of his abilities. Suddenly afraid that it was all a medication-induced dream, he slid an arm around Fraser and slid down until he could hear that wonderfully soothing heartbeat. Eyelids growing heavy, he slept, dreaming of soft skin and loving caresses.


    Groovy Kind of Love, by Phil Collins

  • When I'm feeling blue, all I have to do
  • Is take a look at you, and then I'm not so blue
  • When you're close to me, I can feel your heartbeat
  • I can hear you breathing in my ear
  • Wouldn't you agree, baby you and me,
  • We got a groovy kind of love
  • Anytime you want to you can turn me on to
  • Anything you want to, anytime at all
  • When I kiss your lips, ooh I start to shiver
  • Can't control the quivering inside
  • Wouldn't you agree, baby you and me
  • We got a groovy kind of love
  • When I'm feeling blue, all I have to do
  • Is take a look at you, and then I'm not so blue
  • When I'm in your arms, nothing seems to matter
  • My whole world could shatter, I don't care
  • Wouldn't you agree, baby you and me
  • We got a groovy kind of love
  • We got a groovy kind of love
  • We got a groovy kind of love



  • The End