GLOOMY SUNDAY

   Sunday is gloomy
   My hours are slumberless
   Dearest the shadows
   I live with are numberless
   Little white flowers
   Will never awaken you
   Not where the black coach
   Of sorrow has taken you
   Angels have no thoughts
   Of ever returning you
   Would they be angry
   If I thought of joining you?
   Gloomy Sunday

NO!

This couldn't be happening.

He and Ray were supposed to spend the day together. It was Sunday. The
rest of the Vecchio family would be at church but Ray had decided to
skip out and spend the day with his lover. Just him and Benny, nothing
special, just being together. 

But now that was all over.

Ray was dead.

He had no idea how it had happened. But there was Ray, cold and lifeless
on the floor. Was it a heart attack? A stroke? He knelt on the floor
beside his partner and wept. How could this have happened?  What would
he do without his Ray? 

Benny knew that Ray's religion frowned on suicide. But how could he go
on living, alone once more? He'd been alone most of his life, it was
true, but he'd never known anything different until Ray came into his
life. He couldn't face going back to that barren, empty existence. 

   Gloomy is Sunday
   With shadows I spend it all
   My heart and I
   Have decided to end it all
   Soon there'll be candles
   And prayers that are said I know
   But let them not weep
   Let them know that I'm glad to go
   Death is no dream
   For in death I'm caressing you
   With the last breath of my soul
   I'll be blessing you
   Gloomy Sunday

He would end it all. He would join Ray in death. Perhaps they would meet
on the other side. Ray's family would probably put on a big funeral mass
with candles and flowers and prayers. The RCMP would take care of arrangements
for Fraser. Not that he really cared. The sooner he got this over with,
the better.

He bent and kissed Ray one more time. Then he took his father's gun out
of the trunk where he'd stored it since coming to Chicago. As he drew
his last breath and pulled the trigger, he whispered, "I love you, Ray."

   Dreaming, I was only dreaming
   I wake and I find you asleep
   In the deep of my heart here
   Darling I hope
   That my dream never haunted you
   My heart is telling you
   How much I wanted you
   Gloomy Sunday

BANG!

The noise woke Ray Vecchio from where he had been sleeping next to Benny.
He opened his eyes  to see Benny sitting up and shaking like a leaf.
"Benny? You okay? What was that noise?" 

"Ray! Oh God ... Ray ... was it just a dream?"

"Was what a dream?" asked the Italian as he gently eased his partner
back down beside him. "You're trembling, Benny. Did the bang startle
you? I'm sure it was just some kids playing with firecrackers."

"Ray ... I had a dream that you - that you - " he was overcome by sobs
and couldn't continue. 

Holding the other man close, Ray tried his best to soothe him. "Benny,
whatever it was, it's not real. You're awake now. It was just a dream."

"I dreamed that you were dead," Fraser stated through his tears.

"Oh man, Benny, no wonder you're upset."  Ray kissed the tear tracks
on his lover's face. "But as you can see," he kissed Benny again, "I'm
perfectly all right."

Fraser took a deep breath and attempted to calm himself. "Ray ... if
anything happened to you ... I don't know what I would do, how I would
go on. In the dream all I could think of was - joining you."

"Benny, do you mean to say that if anything happened to me, you would
- you would kill yourself? Benny, I don't want you to even *think* of
doing something like that." 

"I don't want to live without you, Ray."

"Benny, Benny, Benny," Ray sighed. "Listen to me. Not like I'm planning
on leaving this world anytime soon, but I want you to remember something.
If there ever comes a time when I'm not here," he waved his arms around
to indicate the space surrounding them, "I'll still be right here." He
pointed his finger to the center of Benny's chest. "And I will never
leave you. I love you, Benny."

Benny pulled Ray closer to him and held on for a long time. "I love you
too, Ray," he said softly. 

Eventually the detective asked, "We still have most of our Sunday left,
Benny. What do you want to do today?"

After a moment's thought, the Mountie answered, "I want to stay right
here." 

"You want to stay in bed all day?" Vecchio asked incredulously. "You
never want to spend the day in bed. You always say it's lazy, or self-indulgent,
or something like that." 

Fraser rolled over on top of his lover and kissed him soundly. "Today,
I want to spend the day in bed. With you."

"You got it, Benny."

END