Author's notes: Please email, comments are appreciated.

Fraser sat up in bed, he was not going to be able to sleep. He would just give up for tonight. He looked at the clock. It was almost four, anyway. He thought he would never adjust to sleeping alone. He still found himself turning over and reaching for Ray. Until after Ray was no longer there, he had not realized their lives had become entirely connected. Even getting clothes out of the closet made him realize how completely he was a part of someone else. Mrs. Vecchio had offered to pack Ray's clothes for him, but he had no intention of allowing anyone to move them. He wanted them there. Ray's scent was still in the closet and he remembered seeing Ray wear them. He had even put Ray's new suit in there. Ray had bought it shortly before he died and when it was ready, Fraser had picked it up and put it in the closet. The clothes were staying. He had eventually made her understand he did not want them touched at all. She had smiled, kissed him on the cheek and said, "I'm sorry. Let me know when you are ready, Benton. I won't bother them and I won't ask again. There is no hurry." He was not going to be ready.

He closed his eyes and leaned against the back of the bed. He could never seem to get over the feeling that Ray was in the room with him. "Why did you do this to me, Ray? Why did you leave me alone? I wasn't ready for this. I want to know why."

After several minutes he opened his eyes and got out of bed. He moved to a chair by the window and sat staring out into space. He had spent the last few days wondering if anyone, apart from members of the police department, might be watching them. He had become almost afraid to allow Emily to play with friends away from the house and usually insisted she bring them home with her. This was becoming ridiculous, no one had done anything to them. He had not seen anyone he had been unable to recognize as a member of the police department. But, he had reached a decision. He was going to find out about the explosion. He had made that decision shortly after speaking to Lieutenant Welsh.

He had tried talking to the investigators and had not been successful in getting any information. No one would tell him anything useful. The investigation was not finished and, until then, no one would be given answers. He thought eventually he might speak to family members of victims, but after his experience in the park he was not certain he was ready for that. He had considered going to Boston and checking with people at the airport, but that would mean leaving Emily in Chicago and he could not leave her yet. He could take her with him, but that would make investigating difficult. He could start with the escape. He would do that - - and he would begin talking to families, as much as the idea frightened him. But, he needed a way to leave without causing a problem with either Emily or Anna. He needed to check with the Consulate as well, the Inspector had refused to allow him to return to work until she felt his mental state would allow it and he had no idea when she would decide he should return. He knew he was not ready, perhaps he could convince her of that and get the time he needed to find out why Ray had died.

Emily's fifth birthday and party had gone by without problems. Fraser had been concerned that she might be upset because Ray was not there, but she had not mentioned it. She had asked for Ray less frequently recently. Fraser had thought it would be a relief when she stopped asking for her father, but it had not been. As difficult as it was to repeatedly explain that Ray could not come back, it was equally difficult never discussing him with his child. Finally, he decided he needed to let her know he would be away from her more frequently for a while, without telling her why. He would find a way to tell her grandmother later - - he would not tell her why either and that would be more difficult.

After dinner that night, he sat in Emily's room again preparing to read until she became sleepy. As she came back into the room after brushing her teeth and climbed into his lap, he decided he could not put it off any longer. He waited several seconds while she situated herself and finished her conversation with Dief before he spoke.

"Emily, I am going to be away from home more often and I wanted to let you know in advance. I will be back, but I cannot stay here everyday."

She stared at him before responding. "I'm coming with you."

It wasn't intended as a request. This was going to be difficult. "No. You may not come with me. You will stay here, but I will be back."

She frowned and appeared ready to cry. "Why can't I come with you? Don't you want me to come? Are you going back to the Con'slate? I told you I don't want you to go there anymore."

"Consulate. No, I'm not going back there yet, but I suppose I will have to go back some time." He hoped she would be satisfied with that answer, but he doubted it.

"If you aren't going to work, why can't I come with you?"

"Because I have something I need to do and I cannot take you with me. I am sorry." He couldn't think of another explanation. He realized, as he was trying to think of a reasonable way to make her understand, that Ray would have been able to come up with an excuse that would satisfy her even if it had involved lying a little. He had never found ways of doing that. He watched her face as she began to cry.

"I don't want you to leave. You won't come back."

He put his hand on her hair and took a deep breath in preparation for his question. "Why do you think I won't come back? I came back the last time I left, didn't I?"

"Yes. But, people don't always come back."

"I know. But, I can't stay here forever - - neither of us can stay at home forever. I promise I will try to always come back. You won't ever be alone, Emily. You have a very large family to take care of you. You are fortunate to have them."

"Daddy didn't come back."

It was no worse than avoiding it, he thought. However, he realized they would both be crying soon. "No, he didn't. You understand he would have come back, don't you? It wasn't because he didn't want to? Do you remember what we discussed before?"

"Yes." She sat quietly and rubbed her eyes.

"Then, you will trust me that I will always try to come back?"

"I guess."

"Thank you. I am going to be away for a few hours tomorrow, but I won't be gone all day. I will call you, if you like. But, no screaming this time."

"Okay. If you promise to call. Will you ask for me?" She looked at him with suspicion, with her eyes narrowed again. "Don't just talk to Gramma and tell her. Do you promise?"

He smiled this time. "Yes, I promise. I will call and I will talk to you personally."

She nodded. "Then you can go, but you have to be back before night."

He almost laughed, but he smothered it. If this arrangement would keep her from screaming when he left and crying for hours afterward, he would go along with it. "All right."

She looked at him, apparently satisfied. "Can we read now?"

He entered the kitchen late the next morning, ready to make his explanations to Ray's mother and found Emily sitting on the floor, sharing a bowl of ice cream with Dief. She looked up at him, then back at what she was eating. There was one spoon. She took a bite for herself and then gave one to Dief. At first Fraser smiled. Dief had always thought of Emily as his and Ray had always hated watching her share her food with him. However, he had never really tried to stop her. He remembered the first time Ray had seen her share ice cream with Dief. That time it had been an ice cream cone.

After the first bite, Ray had responded with disgust. "Eeeuuuwww! Emmie, don't put that in your mouth! Eeuuww, wolf spit! Did you see what she did?"

"Yes, Ray." Fraser had tried not to laugh at them.

"You're not disgusted?"

"Well, not particularly, Ray. It is somewhat messy." Fraser had made an effort to keep his face blank.

Ray made a gagging motion, with his finger partially down his throat. "Why am I not surprised this doesn't disgust you, Frasier? There is nothing you would not put in your mouth. You'd lick anything."

Fraser finally smiled. "Not anything, Ray. I have found tasting an efficient method of investigation -- in a variety of situations, both professional and personal. Did you want me to stop?"

Ray had stared at him with his mouth open for a moment. "No, Benny. There's no need for that."

Fraser looked at Emily and Diefenbaker again and laughed, but it was followed by an overpowering urge to cry. He had never been outwardly emotional, but he was beginning to wonder if he would ever be able to control himself again. He closed his eyes and and opened them to find Anna Vecchio watching him. She moved toward him and put her hand on his cheek.

"Are you all right, Benton?"

"Yes, ma'am." He cleared his throat. "I needed to let you know that I will be going out for a few hours today and Emily has agreed to stay here without - - incident. I had hoped you might keep her occupied? I promised I would call and talk to her personally, but I thought a distraction might be helpful."

She looked at him questioningly. "Of course, Benton. I will keep Emily busy while you're gone. Would it be an intrusion to ask where you are going, caro? You aren't dressed for the Consulate."

Fraser searched for an explanation which would satisfy her. He looked up as Emily stood and placed the empty bowl and spoon on the table. She walked toward Fraser, he felt sticky fingers slide into his hand.

"Papa, when are you going? Will you tell me before you leave? Can Dief stay here? Don't forget you promised to call and talk to me." She stared at him waiting for a response.

"I will be leaving soon, Emily, and Diefenbaker will be staying here. I will tell you before I go and I haven't forgotten that I promised to call you." He smiled at her. "Go wash the ice cream off your hands, please."

"Okay." As she left, he looked at Mrs. Vecchio again.

"Ah, no ma'am. I wasn't planning to go to the Consulate today. I - - ah - - have something I need to do which requires me . . . "

She had been watching him for several seconds and now she interrupted him. "Benton, does this have something to do with your conversation with Lieutenant Welsh? Is there a problem?"

Fraser looked at the floor and rubbed his thumb across his eyebrow. "No, ma'am. Well, not exactly. Ah - - it doesn't entirely relate to my conversation. As far as I know there is no reason to think there is a problem, not here anyway."

She had learned how to get information out of all of her children, even Raimondo, but Benton had always been difficult. During the four years he had been living with the Vecchios, she had learned to ask him entirely direct questions and demand direct answers. Benton had never learned to lie well. "Benton, I am not trying to interfere - - well, maybe I am - - but I want to know why you are being so secretive. What are you doing, Benton? This has something to do with Raimondo, doesn't it? What is it?"

Fraser sighed, he could not find a way around this. She motioned for him to sit at the table. They both sat and she waited for his answer. He cleared his throat again and stared at a spot on the wallpaper before confronting her questions. "I was hoping to avoid this for - - a while. I need to know what happened to Ray. I am going to find out."

She did not appear startled. "Benton, when the investigation is over we will know what happened." She looked at him, but he had resumed staring at the wallpaper. "You think Raimondo's death had something to do with the escape, don't you? The police don't think so. Why do you think this, Benton? Perhaps you are looking for an explanation for something you cannot explain otherwise. Give yourself some time, Benton."

He took a deep breath and looked at her. "I do not believe I am simply looking for someone to blame, although I have considered that. I think it is possible there is a connection between the escape and Ray's - - death. Additionally, I believe Ray and I were more aware of the abilities of the person involved than anyone else. If someone murdered Ray, and everyone else on the plane to get him, then I will prove it." He left out the rest of what he was thinking.

This time she did seem startled, and frightened. "Is this person capable of doing something like - - that? Killing everyone to harm Raimondo? Could it have been done so quickly?"

"Yes, the capability is certainly there. I think the rest is a possibility as well."

"Benton, if what you say is correct, then it is not safe for you to investigate this. You should wait, caro."

"Ray and I have done many things which were not safe, it is an aspect of our jobs. But, I will use as much caution as possible." He was determined to find answers to his questions and he had no intention of allowing anyone to stop him.

Her fear was increasing. "Benton, you are Emily's only parent. Have you considered your situation?"

"Yes ma'am. I will be careful, I promise. However, I will not allow this to be ignored. If someone murdered Ray, I will find out. I have no choice."

She sighed. There was no way to talk him out of this. She wondered what else he might have in mind, but Benton was not violent. He wasn't capable of planning violent acts, was he? He had not been before Raimondo died. She was certain he intended to arrest the person, he would consider that his responsibility. Of course he thought of it that way - - she hoped. Perhaps he was wrong about all of it, he might simply need to feel he was doing something useful - - something to make Raimondo's death seem less random. Maybe he would give it up in a few days, if he found nothing. "All right, Benton. Will you be home for dinner?"

He smiled at the strangeness of the question. "Yes, ma'am. And I would appreciate it if you would keep our conversation confidential."

She sighed again and patted his cheek. "Of course, caro."

After a week of looking, Fraser had found nothing. He had not been able to learn anything regarding the escape that might be helpful. He had spoken to a few victims' family members, but as he had expected, that had served no purpose. None of them were satisfied with the investigation, but that had not surprised him either. He sat looking at his dinner, pushing the pasta around on his plate. He had had more difficulty sleeping than usual and he was beginning to feel as if Ray had been trying to communicate with him. Some days it caused him to question his stability. Things were a little better with Emily. She would stay with her grandmother, as long as he called her several times each day. Now, everyone else had become curious about where he was going. Francesca had asked him several times, but each time Mrs. Vecchio had been present and she had taken care of the questions.

"Benton?" Mrs. Vecchio had been watching him closely, but he had been too preoccupied to notice.

"Yes, Anna?"

"Aren't you hungry? You haven't eaten anything at all."

"I'm sorry. I am not hungry." He was suddenly concerned that she would misunderstand. "But, dinner is very good."

She smiled at him. "Eat it anyway, Benton." Maybe teasing was a better approach, she thought. "You are a little old for Mama to feed you, but if that is what it takes, it can be arranged. Do you understand?"

He laughed a little and put some food on his fork. "Yes, ma'am."

Emily began giggling, followed by most of the other children. "I want to watch."

He looked at her and smiled. "I don't think that will be necessary."

He managed to finish most of his dinner and while he ate, he decided he would visit the woman he had met in the park. It would probably serve no purpose either, but he felt a need to apologize for his behavior.

The next day, Fraser sat in Cathryn Karlsen's apartment fidgeting, watching her four year old twins play on the floor and wondering what to say.

"I - - ah - - wanted to apologize for the way I behaved in the park. I was rude when you asked me about the crash. I am sorry."

She shook her head and smiled slightly. "You have no reason to apologize, Benton. I should not have approached you that way, or asked those questions." She hesitated, then began again, "I just wanted answers and I guess there aren't any now. Can you understand that?"

"Yes. I want answers myself - - now. I did not believe it mattered why it happened, but now I need to know. I agree with you about the cause and I want to know who did it, assuming we are correct that it was intentional."

She stood suddenly. "Excuse me, please." She took the children into a bedroom and returned. She watched him for a moment, thinking he appeared nervous. It was obvious he felt uncomfortable discussing anything personal. "Do you mind if I ask what changed your mind? I mean, why you decided it would help to know what happened?"

He looked away from her and stared down at his hands. "I do not know that it will help. I only know I have to find out what happened to my partner. If someone murdered him, that person must be punished."

"Yes, that person must he punished." He could hear the anger in her voice. She paused before speaking again, "Your partner was a police officer, wasn't he? And so are you?"

"Yes." He was surprised that he felt no need to explain what sort of police officer he was.

"You're doing this yourself, aren't you?"

He hesitated. He was not certain he understood the question, or if he wanted to answer. He looked at her, then at his hands again.

"I won't tell anyone. I just want to know that something is being done. If you are investigating the crash - - personally - - I understand why you will not tell me. But, if you find anything, would you please let me know?" Her voice was shaking.

"Yes." He hoped she would accept that, without more questions. He stood to leave and began moving in the direction of the door.

"Thank you." She tried to smile.

As he opened the door, he turned to look at her. "I will let you know."

He walked out and closed the door behind him, without giving her a chance to respond.

Fraser returned early that afternoon and took Emily to the park before dinner. He was not aware of the photographs being taken from the roof of a building a few yards away. After an hour, they went home. As they walked in the kitchen door, Fraser saw Jack Huey sitting at the table eating and talking to Mrs. Vecchio.

She stood when they walked in. "Benton, Jack would like to speak to you. He has been waiting for several minutes, so I thought he might like something to eat. Emily and I will go into the other room so you can visit."

Before Fraser could comment, or Huey could thank her, she took Emily's hand and left the room. Fraser looked at Huey, hoping his presence was not an effort by Lieutenant Welsh to get him to back off. He had realized from the beginning that the Chicago Police Department might have had some idea what he was doing. Huey pushed his plate away.

"Hi, Benton."

"Hello, Jack." Fraser sat down across from him. He did not know what to say. "How are you?"

"Fine. How are you?"

Fraser looked at his hands again. "Better, I guess."

"Benton, I know you are looking into the escape and I know you think the crash was connected to it."

Fraser looked at him. "If you are planning to ask me to stop . . ."

Huey interrupted. "No, I'm not. I think Welsh would like you to stop, but he is willing to look the other way for the moment. That is not why I'm here. I came to ask if you would like some help - - in an entirely unofficial capacity, of course."

"Why?" He had not intended to be rude. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to seem unappreciative of your offer, but I don't understand why you would be willing to cause problems for yourself to help me. The police don't believe the escape was a factor in Ray's death."

"Yeah, Benton, I know. They want to make an arrest and resolve this, but they think it is impossible that the two events could have been connected. It looks like a coincidence. They don't believe there was time to get a bomb on the plane. The police department does not investigate plane crashes and they don't want to be accused of trying to get involved. But, if someone killed Vecchio, we have to prove it."

Fraser looked at him. "What makes you believe that might be a possibility?"

"A hotel phone thirty miles from the area of the escape shows three calls to Boston numbers less than an hour after the escape. One of the calls was to the airport. I have the address for the other two. I seem to be the only one who thinks that is significant. There are no witnesses at the hotel who can identify someone fitting the description we need. The room was registered to a woman, no one remembers what she looked like."

Fraser was stunned. "How did you get that information, if no one is investigating anything more than the escape?"

Huey shrugged. "I didn't say no one was investigating, Benton. I said the department is not investigating this as anything more than an escape. The assistance was offered unofficially, remember? I will go with you to Boston. I have two ticket reservations for a flight tomorrow morning. Are you interested?"

"Yes." Fraser looked at his hands again, he was shaking.