R for m/m Ray/Ray. Also
m/f Fraser/Frannie but nowt graphic.
Not mine, never gonna be, may as well stop dreaming.
Cheers Alliance, I owe ya one. No money was made and no hamsters were
harmed in the production of this story.
I think all fanfic writers start of as mad fanfic fans, the progression to writer is a natural step up in the fanfic evolutionary scale.
This is a sequel to Duty Memories, which is a sequel to Change in Duty. Good idea to read those ones first, this'll make more sense.
"I'll never
let you see,
The
way my broken heart is hurting me,
I've got
my pride,
And I know
how to hide,
All my sorrow
and pain,
Robson and Jerome- Crying in the Rain
Stan stretched out in bed. He was warm, despite the howling winds and snow outside, he propped himself up on one elbow and looked down at his sleeping lover, Ray always looked peaceful in his sleep and Stan just enjoyed just watching him softly breathe in and out. He wished everyone could find the same happiness he had found with Ray, he felt loved and wanted here, so unlike what he had felt with the Stella, he had always felt as if he needed to try harder, be better, cleverer, he would never be good enough for her, no matter how much he believed he loved her at the time. He realised now that wasn't love, love involved acceptance, something Ray gave him unconditionally and he was grateful for it. Sure he thought he'd loved Stella, but now Stan realised no one could ever really love the Stella, she never let anyone in, never trusted anyone with her true emotions, the only time he'd even seen close to her true self in all of their years of marriage was the time she hit him.
Stan rubbed his cheek as if it still stung at the memory.
She didn't go for any girly slap, she went for a full out punch, and she didn't stop there, she hit him with her squash racquet repeatedly, Stan was powerless to stop her, he knew he couldn't restrain her without hurting her, that was the last thing he wanted to do. That night ended in a trip to the ER, she'd been so apologetic afterwards but Stan could not forget the look of pure hatred in her eyes, they were stone cold, steely with evil.
Poor Stella, so much hate, not enough love.
That was the night, in Stan's heart he knew their marriage was over, it just took his head the extra year to catch up with him. It had nearly killed him after the divorce, Stella was the only person he'd ever known to love, hell he was the only one he'd ever slept with, well he'd known her since he was thirteen and he would never cheat on her, he was the faithful kind, like one of those dogs, the ones that stay with their master's till the bitter end, he supposed wryly that's all he ever was to Stella, a little lap dog, the scratch to accompany her occasional itch. He'd always be faithful to Ray, hell he loved him more than he'd ever loved Stella, well maybe not more, just different, with Ray they had the buddy thing going as well, they were like best friends. That's what he and Stella had been missing at the end; they'd forgotten how to be friends. He curled himself around Ray, laying his head on his customary place on his shoulder.
No he'd never cheat on Ray, Stan suddenly remembered the hurt look on Ray's face after he'd caught him and Milner in the supply closet, he'd never meant to hurt Ray, that incident wasn't exactly Stan's fault, but he was grateful nonetheless when Ray had forgiven him completely. He was also glad that Fraser knew about them, he hated keeping things form the Mountie, it also made things a lot easier for them to get time together, Ray could stay over at Stan's and only have to worry about what to tell his family, before he had to leave early in the morning so he could be at home just in case the Mountie decided to pay one of them a surprise morning visit. Stan still felt bad about keeping it from him though, he wished there was something he could do to make it up to him.
There was.
It was only five minutes ago Stan was wishing everyone could experience what he and Ray shared, Fraser needed someone to love him and someone to love back, hell even super Mountie must get lonely sometimes. Stan also knew the best person would be to alleviate that loneliness, Stan wasn't lying that day when he had told Frannie that Fraser liked her too, he could see it in Fraser's eyes when he looked at her and as for Frannie, no-one could possibly miss the way she felt about Frase, you'd have to be blind. Stan idly wondered why they hadn't already gotten together, if he could figure that out, he'd take that element away and they could be happy.
Stan thought for a long time what that element could be, it couldn't be Fraser's fear of rejection, Frannie had made her feeling perfectly clear on that matter. The only thing he could come up with was duty, Fraser's stubborn inability to do anything to make himself happy or comfortable, and his duty to his friends...
He then vaguely remembered Fraser telling him that he promised Ray he wouldn't touch his sister. That was why Fraser had never made a move. He'd never betray Ray. Stan looked disgusted down at his sleeping lover, how could he deny his best friend and sister happiness. He knew he could right this small oversight for his lover, once he saw how happy they could make each other he'd be pleased for them, Ray was soppy at heart, he would be pleased for them. Stan would make sure he was.
0o0o0
Stan's birthday was two days away. That would be the perfect opportunity. No one would think it was unusual if he invited Fraser and Frannie for a meal at his apartment for his birthday. Then he'd suddenly get a phone call and have to leave them alone, romantic music, wine for Frannie and bark tea for Frase, good food, oysters perhaps, they were an aphrodisiac after all. He'd have to keep Ray out of the way, but seeing as it was him organising it Fraser would probably take that as a green light from Ray, Stan was Ray's significant other after all.
0o0o0
"Hey Frannie, you wanna help me celebrate my birthday? I promise free food and drink,"
"I dunno Stan, it might be a bit weird, ya know ya not my brother any more, I'm a civilian aid, you're a cop," Stan chucked to himself, she probably thought he was making moves on her, Ray was actually planning on telling Frannie about their relationship, after all she knew Ray wasn't so strictly heterosexual so it would be easier to tell her than the rest of his family. They could trust Frannie to keep it to herself. Stan wasn't overly bothered who they told or didn't, but Ray needed to make their relationship more exclusive, to do that he felt at least some of his family should know.
"Fraser'll be there,"
"What time should I be there," Frannie answered instantly and then laughed at her own blatant eagerness.
"I'll pick you up if you want about seven on my way home from work,"
"That's great thanks, but how will I get home,"
"I'll drop you off, or I have a very comfy couch,"
"You won't be able to drink though, it's your birthday,"
"Yeh Fran it's my birthday. I'm meant to be miserable,"
"Yeah that's right you're an old man now aren't you?" she joked.
"You forget I've been your brother, so little sis I know for a fact I'm only two years older than you," He left her with a wink.
0o0o0
One down. One to go.
0o0o0
"Hey Frase," Stan called out to his friend,
"Good morning Stan," Fraser replied looking up from his paperwork, "What brings you over to the consulate this morning, alone?" Fraser asked confused looking past Stan for Ray, the other half of the partnership.
"Ray's still catching up on paperwork and I decided to come ask you a favour," that wasn't exactly a lie, Ray was doing paperwork but Stan had told him he felt sick and was going in search of a good chemist with extra strength Nyquil. Ray looked at him concernedly and quickly agreed, Stan felt kind of guilty leaving Ray with the paperwork, then he remembered his lover making Fraser promise that he would stay miserable for Ray. That made Stan feel a lot less guilty.
"What favour would that be?"
"Come to my apartment for a meal on my birthday?" Stan copied Fraser's 'big eyed' Mountie look to ensure he'd come.
"Certainly Stan, thank you kindly for the invitation,"
0o0o0
The afternoon of his birthday Stan had taken time off work. He even shocked himself the day he discovered he could actually cook, he didn't have a lot of time, he'd have to get ready himself, then pick up Frannie and Fraser, clean the apartment then meet Ray at the restaurant at seven thirty. Stan couldn't believe that Ray hadn't noticed all of his secret plotting. He was actually looking forward to spending an entire evening with Ray, they'd been really busy all week at work, they'd hardly had any time alone, it seemed like Welsh had doubled their caseload. He'd leave his GTO keys with Fraser; he could drive Frannie home, or somewhere else if everything went to plan. They'd be gone by the time he and Ray got back, they'd have a great time tonight, would they hell, Stan couldn't wait. Then Ray would notice how happy Fraser was, then Frannie new found good mood, he'd be happy that they were happy, then he wouldn't be too angry when he found out why they were happy. He'd get over it eventually, Stan would help him, or at the very least do things to keep his mind off of it, boy did he know some things he could do to keep Ray's mind occupied.
Stan set the table with two places, dimmed the lights, placed a romantic CD in the changer and set the hot pot he'd been cooking down to a low simmer. He went into his bedroom and put on a tidy pair of trousers and matching jacket, Ray liked it when he actually bothered to dress up, at the moment Stan thought it would be a good idea to keep Ray sweet. Stan suddenly wondered if he was making a mistake, going behind Ray's back, he should have just asked him about it first, he'd be well mad that he'd gone behind his back.
He'd never of agreed.
Never.
Stan felt he was right in that fact, Ray would never of agreed to this, Stan just couldn't bare to see them both miserable because of one stupid promise Fraser had made Ray. He carefully styled his spikes and mindlessly shaved using his electric razor, Ray was right he was too lazy to do it properly. Stan checked his watch; he'd have to hurry to pick up Frannie and Fraser if he was going to meet Ray on time.
On his way out Stan pulled his rug back exposing the dance step pattern on the floor, the music he'd picked was perfect for this kind of dancing, at least they wouldn't get bored, and in Stan's experience dancing usually led to one thing.
0o0o0
Stan sped off in his GTO, sighed in relief that Ray's riv was nowhere to be seen outside the Vecchio household, that was all he needed, to bump into Ray, how the hell would he explain that. Stan's luck held, Ray never turned up as he quickly ushered a fantastic looking Frannie into his car.
Frannie did look fantastic; she was wearing a dress that Ray certainly wouldn't have approved of. Fraser would never be able to resist her.
0o0o0
The next stop was the Consulate, Fraser as punctual as ever was already waiting outside for them.
"Happy Birthday Stan, Good evening Francesca," the Mountie greeted as he climbed into the car, without the wolf Stan thought pleased, his luck was really working for him tonight.
0o0o0
As soon as they stepped into the apartment Fraser realised something was strange, there was only two place settings, things got even weirder Stan busied himself lighting the candles on the table, pouring one glass of wine and one cup of bark tea, Fraser shot Frannie a bemused look, she returned an equally confused glance, Fraser was at least pleased about that, whatever Stan had plotted Frannie was as in the dark about it as himself. Stan then poured out two generous helping of a delicious stew type concoction, it's appetising aroma quickly filled the apartment and Fraser's stomach growled at the anticipation of the delicious smelling meal.
"You cooked that?" he asked Stan in disbelief, Stan shot him an indignant look, oh dear he'd just insulted him.
"I may be slob Fraser, but on occasion I also can act like a civilised human being, capable of cleaning the apartment and cooking half edible food, even if I did nearly lose a finger in the process," Stan held up his bandaged finger, a memorial of the war with the carrots.
"Stan I'm sorry I didn't mean, well I never meant to imply.."
"Don't sweat it Frase, I act caveman most of the year so I know what you meant,"
"Aren't you hungry?" Fraser then asked, indicating to only two place settings, a look of panic flashed across Stan's face, it was quickly replaced with a blank look of misunderstanding.
"Well Frase, I'm on a, um, diet, yeah, I'm getting a little tubby around the middle, need to lose some pounds," Fraser eyed Stan flat stomach suspiciously, there was no fat on Stan at all, if anything he needed to gain a few pounds. They were interrupted by the shill sound of Stan's cell phone, Stan quickly answered glad of the distraction.
"Kowalski," Stan paused a look of utter horror crept over his face as he listened to whatever the person on the other line was saying, " I thought I was meeting you there, whaddya mean change of plans? I'll meet ya downstairs, no it's fine, really, you can't come up here, later, yeah me too," Stan hung up shot a panicked look at them, quickly put on some romantic music, Fraser was suddenly worried, what if they were interrupting a romantic meal of Stan's and Ray's?
"Enjoy yerselves, don't stay up too late," Stan yelled to them as he flew out of the door, tossing his car keys to Fraser, "Look after my baby!" he ordered then he was gone. A shocked Fraser and Frannie stood staring dumbly at the door.
They'd been royally set up.
Fraser moved to the window, saw the familiar green car pull up outside the apartment block, Stan jumping quickly into the passenger side, kissing the driver passionately in greeting, then the car sped off down the road. Fraser heard a small gasp of shock next to him and realised Frannie was stood right beside him, she'd just seen her brother kissing her pretend brother; it must have been quite a shock.
0o0o0
Fraser and Frannie had a great evening, Fraser had explained to her about Ray and Stan. Fraser was pleased that Frannie seemed genuinely pleased her brother was happy, no matter who he was with. They had demolished the meal Stan had prepared, he had left them some rocky road ice cream for dessert and they demolished that as well. They had started to dance, formally at first, nothing indecent, but Fraser felt a long-suffering desire awaken, it only started as a small chaste kiss, so innocent.
That's how it had started.
Before long they were on Stan's couch kissing passionately, desire swept through both of them and all rationality went out of the window. Fraser could feel his arousal demanding attention through his jeans, Frannie quickly noticed and unbuttoned the fly and slid her hand inside, Fraser moaned in appreciation as she closed her hand around his erection. They were so engrossed in their desire for one another that they didn't hear the key in the lock of the front door, they also didn't hear said door opening, what they did hear however was the hysterical screaming of one Ray Vecchio.
0o0o0
Ray walked into Stan's apartment, he was in a great mood, the meal had gone really well, and Stan had loved his present. A new shiny silver bracelet hung proudly from his wrist, and Stan had promised to thank him properly for the bracelet once they got home.
Ray couldn't wait.
That's when his cop instincts had set in. There was someone in the apartment. He went for his gun only to have his arm stopped by Stan. He looked closer at the occupants of the room, it was Frannie, she had her hand down some guy's trousers, and Ray wanted to kill the guy.
It was Fraser.
Ray felt the rage slowly burning in his stomach, growing and swelling until it reached and burst out of his mouth, he ranted and raved, turned the music off so that all could be heard above the silence was his own voiced anger. Both occupants of the couch looked up at him with heavy lidded eyes that were dark with arousal.
"Fraser what the hell are you doing to my sister?" he ranted.
"Oh dear," was the only coherent thing to come from Fraser, Frannie however was more used to dealing with angry Italians spoke up.
"Ray, this is none of your business, I'm happy, for the first time in ages, I'm actually happy," Ray looked angrily from one to the other, his desire to punch the lights out of Fraser was overwhelming, how dare he go back on his promise!
"Frannie stay out of it!" he yelled angrily at his sister.
"No, hairbottle, this is my business, don't you want me to be happy is that it? I actually wish Stan was my real brother, at least he cares enough about my happiness to do this for us, he's been more of a brother to me tonight than you ever have," she shouted back just as angrily.
0o0o0
Stan jumped as Ray turned on him, the look of uncontrollable anger contorting his face into an evil sneer. Stan felt something he'd never felt for Ray before.
He was scared.
"You did this," Ray asked in a deceptively quiet voice.
"I.."
"Well, I'm waiting for your explanation,"
"I wanted them to be... happy," Stan tried in a quiet voice not wanting to anger Ray further.
"Oh, really, and that gives you the right to. Go. Behind. My. Back?" Ray sneered,
"No," Stan whispered,
"I didn't hear you,"
"No," louder this time, braver, "Well someone's got to care about their happiness,"
"WHAT?" Stan was totally unprepared for the fist that connected with his face in a burning shock of pain. He was even less prepared for the second fist that ploughed into his exposed stomach. He doubled over in agony as he fell onto his ass on the floor Ray looming over him a look of utter shock on his face as he stared down at him, Stan vaguely remembered Fraser coming up warily behind Ray, saying that this wasn't his fault, if he needed to hit someone it should at least be him, he was the one who'd broken his promise.
Stan doesn't remember getting up or grabbing his jacket off the hook or even running from the apartment. Those things must have happened because he was now sat on the muddy grass in the rain next to the lake they call Michigan. His whole life felt over, and empty void was left where there had once been his heart, he did something he hadn't done since the Beth Botrelle case.
He cried.
0o0o0
Ray turned around miserably to face Fraser and Frannie, unaware Stan was shakily getting to his feet, grabbing his jacket then fleeing.
"Stop, wait, I'm sorry!" he yelled after his lover, too shaken himself to offer any kind of pursuit. "I'm sorry, " he whispered miserably, remembering the shocked and crushed look in his lovers eyes the moment his fist connected with his face, he'd never forget that look, it was clearly etched on his memory, probably the last memory he'd ever have of him and Stan together. He looked sadly up at Frannie and Fraser, he didn't feel angry about them anymore, just kind of envious, they had found love, he'd found love as well, but he'd just blown it.
Frannie shot him a disgusted glare; he knew what she was thinking, he was thinking the same thing.
Like father like son.
"Ray?" Fraser asked him concerned, but Ray didn't miss the fact that Fraser still looked wary of him.
"Yeah?" Ray replied miserably.
"We're sorry, we should never have deceived you," Ray waved off the apology, that wasn't important anymore.
"Sorry I got mad at you," He returned, not looking at them.
"I don't think we're the ones who need an apology Ray," Frannie softly reminded. Ray looked up at them, he felt ridiculously close to tears, drained of all energy, he wished he could take it all back, turn back time, anything.
"What's the use?"
"Of what Ray?"
"Apologising." Fraser studied him intently.
"Don't you think you owe Stan an apology?" Fraser asked incredulously.
"I think I owe him a lot more than that, not that it'll do any good," Ray despondently mumbled as he sank down into the sofa and helped himself to the rest of Frannie's wine, downing it in a couple of large gulps.
"Ray, Stan is a very forgiving person, you would be surprised at his capacity of forgiveness, he forgave me when I hit him,"
"You don't think it's useless? He might forgive me?" Ray couldn't help the childlike tone of hope out of his voice.
"Uh, well he might," Frannie tried, she didn't sound very convinced.
"I gotta find him,"
"I'll help you," a guilty Fraser offered instantly.
"Me too," added Frannie.
0o0o0
They drove around for nearly an hour, trying every dive and park in the whole city that Stan would be likely to go to. They came up with nothing; Ray by this point was getting nearly frantic suggesting anything and everything between checking in dumpsters to hospitals to the morgue.
"His parents?"
"Stella?" Frannie and Fraser both tried more pleasant alternatives.
"His parents hate him, oh and so does Stella,"
"We could try the apartment, he might have gone back there,"
"I suppose," Ray agreed unbelievingly.
0o0o0
On their drive back to Stan's Fraser noticed a familiar figure in the lamplight walking down the road. His shoulders slumped, soaked through.
"Ray," Fraser pointed out the drowned figure in the distance, the customary spikes plastered down to his head with water. Ray sped down the road then slammed on the brakes, the figure turned around at the commotion, Ray ignoring the rain jumped out of the car, Fraser quickly followed ready to stop any more punches being thrown, he still felt guilty about being too late to stop the last two. Those should have been his punches, his pain. Stan had done nothing wrong, other than set the inevitable ball rolling. Stan had been caught in the crossfire for his good deed. Frannie was quick to follow him out of the car. They all rushed up to Stan. Stan looked at them all through bloodshot troubled eyes, the hitching in his breathing betraying the fact that he'd been crying. A large purplish bruise on his cheek was apparent even in the poor lighting in the street.
"I'm sorry Ray," he whispered, eyes closing as if he was in pain, wrapping his arms around himself in a protective gesture, or just against the cold, Fraser couldn't tell, Stan was shivering uncontrollably, Fraser also couldn't tell if that was due to the crying or cold, probably a mixture of the two. One long slender arm reached out as if of it's own accord to Ray. Ray, without hesitation, took the proffered arm and wrapped himself protectively around the slighter man. Stan buried his face into Ray's neck and let out a loud, suffering sob clinging desperately onto the front of Ray's shirt, bunching the material in his fists. Ray held him tighter whispering that he was sorry, it would never, ever happen again, this was repeated vehemently, like a mantra.
Fraser and Frannie sank back into the background holding each others hands happily gazing into each others eyes, knowing their forbidden love was now accepted by a certain Italian American who meant a lot to both of them.
0o0o0
Ray looked at the illuminated numbers on the clock it was four fifteen, he curled up tighter to the still shivering sleeping man next to him that he came so close to losing. The naked man, in his sleep, murmured his approval at the added warmth and closeness. Ray gently stroked the ugly bruise growing on his lover's stomach that he had put there.
"I feel like a dog," Stan mumbled to him in the dark.
"What?"
"You're petting me, this is what Dief must feel like," Ray instantly removed his hand from Stan's stomach as if it had been burned, "I never said stop," Stan smiled back at him good humouredly, his voice still hoarse from crying. Ray gently replaced his hand and rubbed in small soft circles over Stan's stomach. Stan sighed contentedly, Ray hand ventured lower, Stan contented sigh turned into a needy growl as Ray gently began to stroke the length of this erection.
"Oh, man, it's good to be a dog," He happily moaned in the dark.
The End.