Pairing: Fraser/Vecchio
Rating: PG13
Archive: This will be posted to the Hexwood archive

Handle Me with Care (1/6)
by: Jenny Hill

The day started out like any other day. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, the rest of the family could be heard bustling around the house and Ray was aware of one thing. This was the most depressed he had felt in a long time and there was nothing he could do about it. In order to keep everyone else happy: his mother, the family, the church, Benny; Ray had to keep his mouth shut and his feelings towards his best friend hidden under a cloak so thick, even he sometimes forgot about them but never for long.

No one needed to know he loved Fraser as he had thought he loved Angie. No one needed to know he wanted Fraser in ways he couldn't even speak of to his family. Not even Fraser needed to know. Ray thought he was genuinely content with just being his friend, well, his best friend and could live with the situation as it was. The way they were together now wasn't any different than if they were lovers - other than the no sex aspect. They would still be working together, enjoying each other's off-hours together and caring for one another. Then why was he depressed?

Ray stretched as he sat up and turned to swing his legs out of bed. It had been seven years since his father's death and seven years since he last saw his brother. Today though, today Joey was coming home. After seven years and a failing marriage, Ray's older brother was returning to his home to lick his wounds and try to continue on with his life.

Ray was excited about seeing his brother again. It was the one aspect that was brightening his day. He was so excited; he was acting like a kid at Christmas, checking to see what time it was every five minutes and that was before he got out of bed. When Ray did finally crawl out of bed, it was going on 10:00 am. He loved lazy Saturday mornings. He'd love them even more if he could wake up in the arms of the one he loved but if he dwelled on that fact too much, his depressed mood would sink even lower. Ray walked to his closet and began searching for something to wear when the knock came on his door. "Yeah, come in."

Ray was expecting it to be his mother coming in to shoe him out of bed but when no words accompanied the person entering his room, Ray turned to see who it was and smiled. "Hey Joey," and then he closed the gap between himself and his brother. "It's good to see you."

"It's good to see you too Bro," Joseph said as the two brothers embraced. Joseph resembled Ray very much: the facial features (the nose mostly), eyes, height. The only difference between the two siblings was that Joseph had about fifty pounds on Ray. "I think you're skinnier than I remember," Joseph said as he and Ray parted.

"Yeah, yeah," Ray said, waving off his brother as he returned to the closet. "I don't weigh any less than I did seven years ago." Ray then began pulling clothes out of the closet: charcoal Armani slacks and a black sweater.

"You still wearing that expensive crap?" Joseph asked as he panned around the room realizing nothing had changed.

"You're just jealous Bro." Ray began undressing and getting dressed in the chosen outfit for the day.

"No Ray, just realistic. Didn't Pop teach ya anything?" Ray thought Joseph was joking but when he turned and looked at his brother, there was a dead serious expression on his face. He looked like their father.

Ray swallowed once, then cleared his throat. "Let's just say we have a difference of opinion, okay Joey?"

"Same old Ray . . . always afraid to stand up for yourself. I'll see you downstairs," and he was gone, leaving a stunned and yet not so stunned Ray in his wake.

Ray had forgotten what his brother was like and he didn't understand how that was possible. Maybe he hoped Joseph had changed. Joseph was so much like their father it scared him. One would think after receiving such abuse from a man you're suppose to love and respect, that you would try not to be like him but that wasn't always the case. There were always two probable outcomes from being abused. You either: a) took after the abusive party or b) would strive not to be like the abusive party. Ray was the latter of the two siblings where Joseph was the first and that thought worried Ray.

Once dressed, Ray grabbed his keys and quietly snuck down the stairs, leaving the house without anyone being wise of his departure. One confrontation a morning was enough in Ray's opinion. Maybe his brother was just having a bad morning. Ray had bad mornings all the time. He could understand his brother's actions, Ray reasoned with himself. When Ray pulled out of the driveway and headed down the street, he found he was even more depressed than when his day began.

"You can't take that attitude," Fraser said, as he stood in front of Diefenbaker in a superior stance. "Now, this is for your own good." The wolf just sat there looking up at his companion. "Don't make me force this Dief. You know I hate to do that but if I must . . ." Diefenbaker whimpered. "Dief . . ." Fraser's reprimands were cut off by the arrival of his best friend.

"Hey Benny," Ray began as he walked into the apartment, "I know I said we'd go to my place but do ya think we could hang out here for awhile? I brought some donut holes." When Ray stopped, he saw the wolf-Mountie standoff and smiled. Reaching out a hand he said, "Here, give it to me."

Fraser relinquished the vitamin at Ray's request. Ray proceeded to carry the box of pastries and vitamin to the kitchen table, setting the box down. Once he opened the pastry box, he reached in for the gooiest donut hole he could find and shoved the vitamin into it's center. When he turned around, Diefenbaker was standing right behind him, staring with pleading eyes. Ray played along with the game. "No Dief, you know what Fraser says about you and junk food."

"Ray, is this really necessary?" Fraser asked in bemusement. For some reason, he found it so, well, he found it so cute to watch Ray interacting with Diefenbaker in such a manner.

"Benny, just let me do this for ya, okay?" Ray said. Fraser shrugged his shoulders, leaving man and wolf to their game.

Diefenbaker whined. "Dief, if I let you have this, Fraser will be very upset with me, ya know?" Diefenbaker lifted his paw and patted Ray's leg, begging.

"Ray, you're making him beg now?" Fraser just shook his head.

"Shhh . . ." Ray stooped down and acted as if he was sneaking the prized pastry to the wolf. Diefenbaker scarfed down the donut hole then licked Ray's face in appreciation. "Now, don't tell Fraser." Ray mouthed to the wolf in a quiet whisper. Diefenbaker woofed quietly and padded across the room to lay down.

When Ray stood up, Fraser was smiling at him. "What?"

"Thank you Ray."

"Benny, it was nothing. I know how you hate forcing it on him. You should really try what I just did. It makes it a lot easier and he's none the wiser that he's healthier for it." Ray turned and headed for the stove to make some coffee.

"I don't know if he's healthier for it . . . I think the two may counter act each other," Fraser said as he rubbed his left thumb over his eyebrow.

"Fraser, it was a donut hole, one, small, microscopic, hardly noticeable donut hole. I don't believe it counter acted anything."

"Yes Ray . . . Ray, why aren't we going to your house again?" Fraser asked as he joined his friend in the kitchen, pulling two coffee mugs out of the cupboard.

Ray tried to avoid the topic. "I just thought we could hang out here for a while before I take you back, that's all."

"Ray, you hate it here." Fraser turned to look at Ray, arms crossed against his chest just daring him to deny it.

Ray turned to meet Fraser's eyes. "I don't hate it here . . ." Fraser raised an eyebrow at the comment. "I just don't prefer it here . . . you here . . ."

"Ray, we've been over this before . . ."

"I know, I know and I accept your decision to stay here. That's why I'm here, okay?" Ray abandoned the coffeepot and headed to the kitchen window in order to avoid the Mountie's stare.

There was something he wasn't saying but Fraser couldn't figure out what it was and he knew better than to push Ray for the information but a little pushing never really hurt anyone. "I thought you wanted me to meet your brother?"

Ray turned to look at Fraser but he down cast his eyes immediately and his shoulder's slumped forward but only minutely. Ray replied in a quiet voice. "I did . . . I do want you to meet him . . . just not right now, okay?"

Fraser decided to let Ray off the hook for now. "All right Ray." Fraser noticed the tension leave his friend's body instantly. "Come, let us have our coffee and donut holes are they?" Ray laughed at Fraser's ignorance of the common American pastry known as the donut hole.

He could sense the difference in the house the moment they stepped inside. It was an eerie quiet he was not use to expecting from the boisterous Italian family that he had grown to love. He had even sensed a change in Ray when they had pulled into the driveway. Diefenbaker, who made a beeline for the kitchen, had whimpered when they entered the home on Octavia Street, which confirmed his observation that something was definitely not right.

"Ma, I don't want to hear it," Joseph shouted as he came out of the kitchen, carrying a beer bottle. The tone in his voice as he addressed Mrs. Vecchio was one of disrespect and that was something Fraser frowned upon. Next to the Vecchio children he had come to know and accept as his own family, Fraser loved Mrs. Vecchio as he had loved his own mother and a mother was a person who needed to be treated with respect. When Joseph clapped eyes on the stranger standing in front of him, he griped out, "Who the hell are you?"

Ray came up from behind Fraser quickly, realizing his brother wasn't in any better a mood than earlier in the morning. Ray hastily made polite introductions. "Joey, this is my friend Benton Fraser. Benny, this is my brother, Joey."

Fraser extended his hand but the elder Vecchio sibling ignored the gesture. This man was definitely a Vecchio, you could see that just by looking at him but he certainly didn't act like any of the Vecchios Fraser knew. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you. Ray has told me so much about you," Fraser said as he pulled his hand back into his own personal space.

"Yeah, well, you can't believe everything you here." With that, Joseph took a swig of his beer and headed into the living room without giving his brother or his brother's friend a second thought.

Ray was good at excuses. "He's just having a bad day, that's all," Ray said as he headed towards the kitchen to check on his mother. Fraser followed, still stunned at the differences between the two brothers.

"Ma?" Ray hurried to his mother's side. She was stooped down, cleaning up the remains of a broken casserole dish. "Are you okay?"

Fraser, who had to push Diefenbaker out of his way, was at her other side, helping her to stand. "Oh, it was nothing dear. The dish just slipped from my hand and fell," Mrs. Vecchio stammered as she tried to go back to cleaning up the mess on her kitchen floor.

"No, Mrs. Vecchio, Ray and I will take care of this. You just sit down, okay?" She could never say, no to Fraser or any of her children for that matter, so she complied with Fraser's request. Ray went to the pantry in order to retrieve a broom and dustpan. Diefenbaker took his seat next to his favorite Italian mother. As Mrs. Vecchio sat down, she watched her two good boys clean up the mess that wasn't either their or her own fault. It was her favorite dish too.

"Ma, why didn't Joey help you clean this up?" Ray asked as he dumped the first load of the dish's remains in the trash, returning to Fraser's side for the second load.

"He must not have heard it," Mrs. Vecchio replied, not making eye contact with her son.

"But he just came from here . . . he didn't hear or see it?" Ray asked as he stood up to look at his mother. She just shrugged her shoulders as both men noticed the tears she was stifling. "Ma, it's okay . . . I'm sorry." Ray went to his mother and held her, kissing her forehead. Fraser could hear him whisper, "I shoulda been here Ma," and that made her tears fall.

Fraser could see the anger in Ray's eyes and that was something he had never experienced before in his life, especially in this house. Oh, he had seen Ray agitated, irate, irritated and angry but they were all natural reactions to the situations he found himself in but never had he been angry like that in his own house, with his own family.

"Oh, I see Ma roped you two into cleaning up 'her' mess," Joseph commented as he entered the kitchen. He threw the empty beer bottle he carried away and headed towards to refrigerator for yet another. "Cleaning is woman's work. Ma should be taking care of this."

At that harsh comment, Diefenbaker stood up and growled, bearing his fangs. "No Dief!" Fraser commanded and Diefenbaker took an at ease stance.

"Joey, just take your beer and go," Ray said as he stood next to his mother with Fraser noticing it was in a protective posture.

"What did you say . . ." Joseph began before he was cut off.

"Jospeh, Ray and I truly don't mind helping, I assure you. I mean no disrespect here but if you don't mind leaving the kitchen, we can get back to the chore at hand." The politeness of the Mountie threw Ray's brother for a loop and he just nodded his head as he exited the kitchen.

"Thanks Benny," Ray gave his mother a gentle squeeze then returned to help Fraser finish with the clean up.

Neither Ray, nor Mrs. Vecchio would make any kind of eye contact with Fraser and that worried him even more. Or, did it anger him? He wasn't quite sure. He'd never really been angry with anyone before without reason. He could admit he'd been angry with Gerrard, on both encounters with the criminal. First when he admitted his guilt with the elder Fraser's death, and secondly, a year later when he escaped police custody. Those times he could definitely say he was angry but this, this had nothing to do with him yet it felt like it did. Just as Ray was protecting his mother so too Fraser wanted to protect Ray and his family, but why?

Once the remaining shards of glass were cleaned up and everything was put away, Ray looked towards his mother and asked, "Are you gonna be all right Ma? Do you want us to help you with dinner?"

"Oh no Caro, no, you two go and relax. I think I am pretty capable with making dinner for this family, don't you? I mean, I have been doing it for nearly forty years now." Mrs. Vecchio smiled at her son and his friend, reassuring them that she was truly okay.

Ray smiled back at his mother. She was no different than twenty years ago. The recovery time from confrontations with his father was remarkable and it was no different this day with Joseph. "Okay Ma, Benny and I will be outside if you need us."

Mrs. Vecchio nodded as she rose from her seat. "You two are very good boys." She proceeded to give each man a kiss on the cheek. "Now go, go, go."

After Fraser closed the back door, leaving Diefenbaker inside to watch over Mrs. Vecchio, he found Ray pacing frantically in the back yard. Fraser tried to lighten the mood a little. "You know Ray, if you are not careful, you could end up digging your way to China." The joke landed flat.

"Huh?" Ray continued pacing.

Fraser walked up behind Ray and grabbed hold of his shoulders to stop him. "Ray, what is going on here?"

"It's nothing Benny . . ." Ray stated a bit too defensively then continued in a much calmer manner, " . . . nothing to concern yourself over." Ray prayed Fraser would remove his hands from his shoulders quickly.

"Ray, if it involves you or any member of your family, it involves me and furthermore, it's too late, I am already concerned." Fraser's voice saying that last part crumbled the barrier Ray had constructed but he knew he couldn't break down here in front of his best friend.

"I know Benny . . ."

"You don't want to talk about it do you?" Fraser asked and Ray shook his head. Fraser finally removed his hands and walked away from Ray, back to the porch, leaving Ray feeling miserable for shutting his best friend out. There was just some things better left unsaid.

Dinner seemed to bring everyone back to normal if only for a little while. The conversations were flying left and right and everyone was partaking in at least three at a time. Even Joseph was enjoying himself, which was the first Fraser had seen him in such a relaxed state. It was as if he was a totally different person. This Joseph, Fraser liked although he did notice Ray was being very reserved when it came to talking with his brother. It was like a Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde complex. With everyone else, Ray spoke freely, not caring what he said but when he turned to a conversation with Joseph, he seemed to think about what he was going to say before he allowed the words to leave his mouth. Fraser didn't like this Ray very much. He preferred the free flowing, carefree Ray. This Ray reminded him too much of himself.

"So Ben, where are you from?" Joseph asked, curious as to why his baby brother even associated with a man who was his polar opposite.

"The Northwest Territory mainly. I'm a member of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. I first came to Chicago on the trail of my father's killers and for reasons that don't need exploring at this juncture, I have remained, attached as Liaison with the Canadian Consulate." Ray noticed Fraser always seemed very proud when reciting the explanation he knew all too well himself. Funny thing, he too was always proud when he heard it recited.

"So, how did you meet my brother?"

"Well, Ray was the officer assigned to the case . . . that's how we met." Fraser smiled when he said that too!

"And you two remained friends?" Joseph's voice had an unbelieving tone to it.

"Yes . . . I don't see how that is so hard to believe." The Joseph Fraser didn't like was beginning to show again.

"Well, he's not the easiest person to get along with and it's not like you two have that much in common." Joseph leaned back in his chair and took another swig of his fourth, or was that his fifth beer of the day? Ray had lost count.

"I assure you, Ray has been a good friend to me as I only hope I have been to him." Fraser smiled at Ray and Ray's heart was doing flip-flops at the sight.

"Ray, I like him . . . he stands up for himself . . . so are you the one he almost lost the house over?" Dead silence spread around the room.

That dead silence spread from the dinner table to the car ride back to Fraser's apartment and Fraser didn't know what to say or do to break it. Before either of them knew it, the Riv was pulled up in front of Fraser's apartment tenancy but neither man made a movement to get out. Finally, Fraser thought of something to say to break the noiseless void. "You really shouldn't have done it Ray."

"Fraser," Ray said with an annoyed tone, "we have been through this before so there's no reason to bring up the past again but if you must know, I would do it again in a heartbeat."

Fraser sat stock still in his seat for a moment taken back by what Ray just said. "Even knowing I was running away . . . leaving you to lose your house, your job, your family and your friends?"

"Benny," Ray began a little more harshly than he intended but took a second to calm down before he continued. "Yes, I would do it all over again." Ray was staring straight ahead through the car's windshield with both hands gripping the steering wheel tighter than was actually necessary.

"Why?" Ray's reasoning had Fraser confused. Any normal man would've thrown him to the curb after the stunt he pulled with Victoria but not Ray. No, Ray stood by him, supported him, cared for him and brought him back to the fold from where he had strayed.

"Benny, do we have to get into this now?" Ray asked as he leaned forward, resting his head against the steering wheel.

"Yes Ray."

Ray took a deep breath and released it slowly before he continued. "There are people in my life that I can't imagine living without and I would do anything for these people: Ma, Frannie, Maria, Tony, the kids, you . . . " The car returned to the silence they experienced on the drive from the Vecchio home. Ray turned his head, still leaning against the steering wheel, to look at Fraser.

Even though it was unbelievable to Fraser that this man, his best friend, would do anything, risk everything for him, truth be told, Fraser knew he would do the exact same thing for Ray. "Ray . . . I . . ." and Fraser didn't really know what to say. He knew Ray would do anything for his family, he was devoted to them but for him? Fraser had to guilt Ray into doing anything remotely risky for someone he didn't know. A strange feeling began to settle over Fraser, one he didn't recognize nor had a name for but it felt good.

"Listen Benny, you wanted to know why, I've told ya, can we just leave it at that? I'd like to get home now, I'm really tired and I have church in the morning. Ma won't be too happy with me if I fall asleep during mass." Ray sat up straight and he looked beat.

"Certainly Ray," Fraser said as he turned to exit the vehicle. Ray reached out and grabbed a hold of Fraser's arm before he had a chance to exit.

"You busy tomorrow afternoon? Maybe we could get together . . . You will be coming for dinner tomorrow night, right?" Ray sounded almost desperate and that shocked Ray the most. "I mean, you always come over for Sunday dinner."

Fraser turned his head towards Ray, then glanced down at the hand gripping his arm, causing Ray to reluctantly release his grip. Fraser returned his look towards Ray. Clearing his throat, he replied, "I just assumed since I came to dinner tonight you weren't expecting me for tomorrow too."

"So you don't want to come?" Ray asked as he slumped back in his seat.

"I didn't say that Ray. I would love to come but I have already made plans to be at the shelter tomorrow to help out with a few chores and dinner. You do understand?" Fraser could see clouds cross over Ray's eyes and he didn't understand his friend's disappointment.

"Sure Benny, I understand," Ray sulked, "but if you get done with that stuff early . . . you're always welcome, ya know?"

Fraser smiled as he replied, "Thank you kindly Ray, I know." He proceeded to exit the Riv and once man and wolf were out, Ray put the car in gear and took off down the street.

Diefenbaker looked up at his companion and made a questioning noise. "Don't ask me Dief," Fraser replied, "I'm as clueless as you are." Diefenbaker whined. "I'm sure he's fine. Let's get inside," and for once in his life, the wolf obeyed an order.

The church was much more crowded than usual Ray had observed and it seemed everyone was elated to see Joseph. Maria and Tony had already departed for home taking all three of their kids with them along with Mrs. Vecchio and Francesca. Ray remained behind, waiting for his older brother who hob-knobbed with past acquaintances from the neighborhood. Ray hated it when he would be pulled into one of Joseph's conversations because the affections his brother displayed towards him were all a show. Once the observers were gone, so was the brother Ray loved. Left in his wake, their father.

Once everyone Joseph knew was gone, the brothers headed for the car to go home. "I can't believe you still drive this piece of junk," Joseph said as he opened the passenger door of the Riv and climbed in.

"Joey, this is a classic. Anyway, it's not the same one," Ray corrected under his breath as he closed the door and started the ignition.

"What? You've bought the same piece of crap twice?" Joseph looked at his brother disapprovingly.

"Well, ya know me Joey, when I do something wrong, I do it in multiples. Actually, this is the third one." Ray put the car in gear and began pulling out of the church parking lot.

"I can't believe this, you never learn do you?" Ray's brother just sat next to him shaking his head.

"What do you mean?"

"Never mind . . . what happened to the other ones?" Joseph asked, turning to look at Ray.

"Well . . . the first was . . . destroyed in the line of duty and the second, well . . . basically it was also destroyed in the line of duty." Ray couldn't tell Joseph what really happened for he would never understand.

"See, that job of yours is too much. When a job starts to interfere in your personal life, that's when you should get out. They don't appreciate you and what have you given up for it?" Ray was silent. "See, you know I'm right." The rest of the ride home was done without talking.

He was drinking again. The minute they were in the house he started and it never stopped at just one. Ray tried to ignore it as best he could, hoping it wouldn't last, that it was just an adjusting period Joseph was going through but he was only kidding himself really.

"Hey Joey," Ray called after his brother, following him into the kitchen, "why don't you lay off the beer for a while?"

Joseph stopped dead in his tracks towards the refrigerator and reared up on his brother. "Are you telling me what to do Bro?"

"No Joey, I was merely making a suggestion, you know, for your own good."

"For my own good? Suddenly you know what's good for me?" Joseph began moving towards Ray, causing him to instinctively back away but not quick enough. Joseph grabbed hold of Ray by the lapel of his jacket, shoving him hard against the corner of the kitchen doorway, nearly knocking the wind out of him. "Listen, little brother, you are the little brother 'cause I'm the big brother and I think between the two of us, I am the only one who knows what's best for me... capise?"

Ray absentmindedly nodded his head and Joseph released him, turning back to his mission of grabbing another beer from the refrigerator. Needless to say, Joseph never made it to dinner. Ray found him passed out on the couch, just like their father. After dinner, Tony, Ray's brother-in-law, helped in dragging Joseph to the guest bedroom and when they closed the door, Tony stated, "Ya know, that brother of yours is a real son-of-a-bitch." All Ray could do was just nod in agreement. "Has he always been like that?"

Ray shook his head. "Not always . . ." Ray turned to leave but stopped to ask Tony something. "You gonna be here for the night?"

"Yeah Ray, why?"

"I'm gonna go out for a while and I think one of us should at least be here in case he happens to wake up, ya know?" Ray was looking at Tony, hoping he would understand because thinking of what could happen and verbalizing the thoughts were two totally different things. Tony nodded his understanding.

His brother-in-law was a good man, Ray thought as he turned to leave the house. No matter how lazy he could be, when it came to the family, he was devoted to them. Ray was grateful for that now because he had to get out of there. Ray refused to let it get to him. He couldn't let that happen. He needed to be strong but once he was in the safety of the Riv, no amount of pride could keep the tears from falling.

Ray had promised himself long ago that he would never let this happen again. He spent too many years of his childhood fearing and hating someone he loved. He should've known better but Ray couldn't help it. No matter how cruel his brother could be, he loved him just as much.

Before Ray knew where he was headed, he found himself parked outside Fraser's apartment building. The lights of his friend's apartment were off but it didn't stop Ray from climbing out of the Riv and heading up to the only place, other than the Riv, where he felt safe now. When Ray opened the door, a lonely wolf promptly attacked him. "Hey Dief, did he leave you alone tonight too?" Diefenbaker cocked his head and gave a grumble as Ray stooped down to greet the wolf. "Oh, you refused to go . . . now that's not a very nice wolf." Diefenbaker whimpered and Ray leaned closer to him to whisper in return, as if anyone or even the wolf for that matter could hear him, "I'm kinda glad you're here Dief." Ray gave Diefenbaker a hug and a final scratch behind the ear before standing up to take his coat off.

Ray could already feel his back getting stiff from the earlier confrontation with his brother. He tried to stretch, hoping the movement would help alleviate the pain but it only made it worse. "You're the lucky one Dief . . . you don't have a care in the world. The one person who affects you, you've got wrapped around your paw." Diefenbaker lifted up said paw and patted Ray on his leg. "All right, so you've got me suckered too." Diefenbaker barked happily as he followed him to the couch where Ray relaxed, wrapping his coat around his body and found he was sobbing for the second time that day.

It was late when he finally left the shelter and he was feeling a little disappointed that when he actually made it to the Vecchio home, Ray's car was gone. Seeing his friend wasn't there, Fraser decided to turn around and head to his own home. He didn't know what compelled him go to see Ray at such a late hour but he just knew he had to see him.

The trek home was lonely without Diefenbaker for company but when he rounded the corner of his apartment block, the first thing Fraser noticed was the all too familiar green classic automobile parked in it's usual spot. Walking by his friend's vehicle, Fraser placed a hand on the hood noting the coolness of the metal. Ray had been there a while which meant Ray was waiting for him. Ray had Fraser worried ever since their conversation the previous night when Ray dropped him off. Maybe that's why he felt compelled to go to the Vecchio home tonight. His pace quickened, knowing that Ray was in his apartment.

Upon entering his apartment, Fraser was surprised his companion didn't greet him as he usually did after being cooped up indoors most of the day. After closing the door, Fraser went in search of his wolf and friend. Seeing the apartment wasn't that big, it didn't take that long to find them. Once the kitchen light was turned on, he found them both on the couch. Ray was curled up on one half of the couch with his coat wrapped around him like a blanket and Diefenbaker was lying at his feet or on them would be the better description.

Diefenbaker's head perked up and turned to look at Fraser. "What is it Dief?" Fraser asked. Diefenbaker made a whimpering noise and rested his head back on Ray's leg. Fraser sighed as he took off his leather jacket and placed it on one of the kitchen chairs. He headed towards the couch where the two most important beings in his life lay. Fraser smiled at that thought. At that moment, the one person and one wolf he loved more than life itself were there, safe inside his apartment. There was no reason to worry or fret about their safety because they were both there.

Loved, he did love this man, probably the only other man he had loved in his life other than his own father. He loved him like a friend, best friend to be exact and he knew he would do anything Ray asked, just as he knew Ray would do the same in return. The last time he had a best friend was more than 25 years ago, Innusiq but since then, well, since then no one really cared enough to get that close to him. Ray was the only person who could be annoyed by Fraser's idiosyncrasies but accept them because if it weren't for those characteristics, Fraser wouldn't be Fraser.

Loved, he loved this man like a brother as well. Ray offered not only his friendship but his family as well like a packaged deal. It was just the Vecchio way. You never offered just half but the whole package. Fraser was grateful for that. Never did he think, during his first dinner with the Vecchio family, that he would refer to them as his family too. It was unthinkable, unbelievable and impossible. He was only in town to find his father's killers and once that was accomplished, back home to the Territories. Home to the only life he knew. Home to the solitude but home was not his destiny. As fate would have it, his destiny was Chicago, a city he hated but he was no longer alone.

Fraser stooped down to get a closer look at Ray and what he observed was a tired soul. He frowned when he noticed the puffiness around his eyes. Ray had been crying, crying alone in this cold apartment. Fraser was now thankful Diefenbaker had refused to go with him to the shelter and he scratched his wolf behind the ear in thanks. Diefenbaker sighed at the contact. "It's that bad, isn't it Dief?"

Sleepy, sore eyes began to pry themselves open and Ray managed a small, weak smile when he saw Fraser. "Hey Benny, what time is it?" Ray asked as he struggled to get up to a sitting position.

"It's going on ten o'clock Ray," Fraser replied, then asked, "Why are you here?"

"You don't want me here?" Ray asked trying to avoid answering the question.

"No Ray, you are welcome here, always. You know that . . . It's just that it's so late, I'm surprised to see you, that's all." Fraser watched as Ray was still struggling to sit up. "Ray, are you okay? How long have you been sleeping here?"

"Maybe an hour tops. I got here about eight o'clock, why?" Diefenbaker was still sitting close by and his protectiveness of Ray was setting off warning bells in Fraser's head.

Fraser stood up. "You just seem stiff, that's all," and Fraser waited for the explanation that would be a lie because he knew darn well the couch was as comfortable as they come. He had purposefully purchased the couch for Ray's benefit, for just such nights.

"Well, with a couch like this, who wouldn't have a stiff back?" Diefenbaker made a little grumbling noise. "See, even Dief agrees with me," Ray said as he scratched the wolf's head.

"No Ray, what Dief's saying is that you're not being totally truthful." Fraser stood there, watching Ray petting Dief, waiting for the explosion of Italian anger but it never came.

Ray got off the couch with an effort and walked to the kitchen window. "You have a very perceptive wolf. You should maybe teach him to keep his opinions to himself though." Ray had his arms wrapped around his chest, looking like he was trying to keep warm in the loose fitting sweater he was sporting.

"Ray, please tell me what's wrong. I want to help you if possible." Fraser had only turned his body a fraction in order to look at his friend from a distance. When Ray got into this kind of mood, distance is what was required.

Ray's head dropped forward. "Benny . . . I know you want to help, you always want to help but sometimes . . . you just can't . . ."

"Then why did you come here?" Fraser took a few steps closer to Ray, unable to remain that far distance away.

Ray sighed but didn't answer right away and when he did, it was only a half-hearted reply. "Because."

"Ray, please," Fraser took a few more steps closer. Fraser was now leaning against the kitchen counter while Ray still had his back to him, staring out the window at the street below.

"I love you Benny . . ." Ray couldn't believe he said it but once it was out, it felt good.

Fraser replied in is stoic Mountie way, "And I love you Ray." The tone he used made Ray laugh. "Did I say something amusing?"

Ray turned to look at his friend, his hopeful lover and simply replied, "Nah, I gotta go." Swiftly he carried himself passed Fraser to slip on his shoes and grab his coat. "I'll pick ya up tomorrow for work as always, all right?"

"All right Ray . . . You sure you're okay?" Fraser wasn't satisfied with how their conversation had gone but he was helpless to stop Ray from leaving.

"Yeah, bye Benny."

"Good night Ray."

Another week had come and gone which meant another Vecchio Sunday Dinner. Fraser always loved a dinner with his adoptive family but now he wasn't feeling so sure. It was only his second meeting with Ray's brother but he knew there was something he didn't like about him. He just couldn't figure it out. Joseph caused a tension in the air Fraser didn't understand. Everyone at the dinner table was walking on egg shells with Ray being the worst of them all and whenever Joseph addressed Ray, his best friend would tense up so tightly, if you were even to touch him he would probably jump right out of his seat. Also, whenever Joseph said something to Ray, something that had anyone else said, Ray would have responded with a, "Shut up Frannie," Ray took it without any retaliation on his part. Mrs. Vecchio was even subdued. It was the oddest Vecchio style dinner to date.

"So Joseph . . ." Fraser began and was promptly interrupted.

"The name's Joey . . . our ol' man called me by that name and I hate it."

Fraser cleared his throat and tried again. "Joey . . . how long do plan on staying in town?" Everyone at the table, other than Joseph, seemed a little shocked Fraser was even initiating a conversation and the fact that he was trying to talk to Joseph had Ray's head spinning.

"I'm not sure Benny, I was only gonna stay a week or so but I'm beginning to like it here . . . I might stay forever." Joseph seemed a little smug about the idea.

"Ah . . ." Fraser didn't like that he used his nickname.

"So, Benny, how long are you planning on staying in Chicago? I mean, this is a far place from home," Joseph asked after finishing his beer. Every time Fraser had seen Joseph he had a beer in hand.

"I'm not sure myself. I'm never entirely sure how long I will be posted to any one place. I can only say I have enjoyed this posting the most. Your family has been most gracious to Diefenbaker and myself. I couldn't have asked for a better family." Fraser smiled at Mrs. Vecchio, thanking her for the hospitality extended towards him.

"What about your own family, don't you miss them? Don't you think they miss you?" Joseph was becoming slightly defensive with the role Fraser seemed to have in the Vecchio family. Fraser wasn't blood but a perfect stranger in his opinion.

Ray, for the first time during the entire meal, spoke up with hostility towards his brother. "Joey, shut your yap. You don't know what you speak of."

Before Joseph had a chance to retaliate verbally, Fraser cut in, "I assure you Joey, I miss my family very much but they don't miss me for I carry them with me wherever I go."

The rest of the Vecchios were silent during the exchange but after a few moments, Mrs. Vecchio piped in, "He's a good boy Caro. Benton is like family to us. Please don't be angry."

"Sure Ma, I'm suppose to sit here and act like everything is all right when my replacement is staring at me, right in the face." Joseph pushed his chair out to get up from the dining room table. He didn't make it to the doorway before he was stopped.

"Joey . . . I hope you realize you could never be replaced . . ." Fraser said as he stood up himself. "Maybe I should go," he commented as he looked around at the stunned faces.

"No Benny, you're staying right here," Ray protested.

"Ray . . ."

"Yeah Ray, I think Benny should leave," Joseph sneered.

Fraser snapped at that last comment. "Would you please stop calling me that?" Fraser requested as he looked directly at Joseph.

"What, Benny?" Joseph scoffed.

"Yes, I'm sorry but . . . it's unnerving." Fraser bowed his head in shame for standing up for himself.

"But Benny . . ." Ray uttered in a quiet voice, "I call you that."

Fraser cocked his head to the side in order to look at Ray. "I know Ray . . . I think I should go." Fraser backed away from the table to round up Diefenbaker but before leaving, he stopped at Mrs. Vecchio's side and said, "It was a lovely meal Mrs. Vecchio, thank you very much for inviting us," Diefenbaker woofed in agreement.

"Benton, you haven't even finished . . ." Mrs. Vecchio tried to protest.

"It's okay Mrs. Vecchio," Fraser placed a reassuring hand on her arm. "I really should go." She nodded, accepting his decision.

"Benny . . ." Ray called out as he started to get up from the table.

"You better watch it little Bro, your friend doesn't like to be called that," Joseph teased.

"Shut up Joey." Ray got out of the room before Joseph could get a hand on him and before Fraser actually left the house. "Hey Ben . . . Fraser, wait up."

Fraser turned around after he finished slipping his leather coat on. "Ray, I didn't mean you."

"Didn't mean me what?" Ray had a confused look on his face.

"Ray . . . I like it when you call me Benny so don't ever stop," Fraser said with a slight smile.

"Oh . . . but I thought . . ." Now Ray really was confused.

"Ray, I don't what your brother calling me that and to be honest, I'd prefer it if one else called me that either." Fraser was now staring at the floor, embarrassed by his display of feelings.

"Why Benny?"

Fraser's heart did a little pitter-patter when he heard his nickname. "It's just . . . ah . . . you tend to use nicknames, when possible, for the people you care about: Frannie, Joey, Louie, Benny . . . I am honored to be included in that grouping of people. I'm not making much sense here, am I?"

"Benny, you're making all the sense in the world. I do care about you . . . you and that wolf of yours. You are part of my family now, whether you want to be or not." Ray turned to open the closet door and grabbed his own coat.

"Thank you Ray."

"You're welcome Benny. You don't have to go ya know. Joey didn't mean anything by what he said. He's just in one of those states . . ." Ray trailed off. A drunken state was what he wanted to say.

"Ray, everything is all right here, isn't it? You would tell me it if wasn't, wouldn't you?" Fraser had to ask because nothing he witnessed was adding up.

Ray gave Fraser a fake smile. "Of course everything's all right. Why wouldn't it be?" Ray slipped his coat on. "Come on, I'll drive you home."

"Hey Turnbull, is Fraser there?"

"I'm sorry but Constable Fraser is unable to come to the phone. He is otherwise occupied at this moment."

"Guard duty, huh?"

"Yes sir."

"Can you take a message for him?"

"Of course sir."

"Could you tell him I'm sorry for not picking him up this morning or actually for not calling to tell him I couldn't pick him up. Do you got that?"

"Yes sir."

"Okay, thanks Turnbull."

"You're welcome sir."

"Ray what happened to you?" Elaine asked as she approached the Detective's desk.

Ray set the phone receiver down. "Nothing Elaine, now just walk away," he said as he pretended to bury himself in a file.

"No Ray, this looks really serious," Elaine stated, as she tried to examine Ray's swollen left eye the best she could with him trying to avoid her eyes. "Ray, look at me!"

The only way to get rid of the annoying Civilian Aide was to confront her so he looked at her. "There, are you happy?"

"Not really, who did this to you?"

"No one, okay, no one did anything to me. I just had an accident, that's all, okay?" Ray was yelling by the time he was done with his tirade.

"Ray . . ." Elaine began but she was cut off.

"Elaine, just leave it. I don't want to talk about it." Ray turned back to his file, ignoring Elaine as best he could.

Holding her hands up in defeat, Elaine turned to leave his desk. "Fine, sorry if I was a little concerned for you, geez."

The rest of the morning passed without a hitch. Oh, sure, occasionally a person here and another there would be staring at him and he tried to ignore them but sometimes they just couldn't be ignored. They didn't matter anyway. How had he let this happen and why wasn't he telling anyone? Why was history repeating itself?

"Vecchio!" Lt. Welsh bellowed from his office. "Get in here, now!"

Ray's head slouched forward as with an effort, he rose from his chair and headed towards the Lieutenant's office. "You wanted to see me sir?" Ray asked as he entered. It was his innocent voice he used, as if he didn't know what his boss was going to talk to him about yet he really did know.

"Yes, sit down and close the door." Ray obeyed his commanding officer's request. "Is there something you want to tell me Detective?"

"Tell you sir?" Ray sat there looking as innocent as the Mountie.

"Yes, tell me . . . it's not often one of my Detectives comes in with a black eye for no apparent reason. What gives Detective?" Lt. Welsh was trying to get Ray to talk to him but he knew his detective pretty well to know he wasn't going to get much information out of him without force and even then there was no guarantee.

"Sir, I don't know what you're talking about. I had a slight altercation at home but I'm fine," Ray responded with a blank face.

"Altercation . . . and this altercation is what's caused the mood you are currently in?"

"Sir?"

"Listen Vecchio, you have nearly bitten off the head of everyone working here today. One detective, all he said was 'Good morning' to you and you jumped all over him. Can you explain that?" Lt. Welsh asked, giving Ray every opportunity to come clean. Ray just sat there, staring at his Lieutenant, offering no information. "All right, I want you to take the rest of the day off."

"But sir . . ."

"Vecchio, hear me out. Either you straighten up and get out of this mood or I will be forced to make you take some personal time off. Do you understand?" Lt. Welsh was hoping he was doing the right thing.

"Yes sir . . . may I go now?" Ray asked as he stood up, not waiting for the permission he asked for.

"Dismissed," Lt. Welsh said as he watched his detective leave, slamming the door behind him.

"I'm sure he had a valid reason for not picking us up today. You really shouldn't depend upon his generosity," Fraser said as he was thinking out loud to himself and Diefenbaker, trying to understand his friend's sudden forgetfulness. "Now Dief, that's not fair. I'm sure he didn't do it on purpose." When the Mountie and wolf rounded the corner, Fraser stopped at the sight of the Riv, once again parked in front of his building. "See." Diefenbaker looked towards the vehicle then back at Fraser. "You are relentless." Fraser continued on his way towards his building with Diefenbaker in tow.

When Fraser opened his apartment door, if he hadn't seen Ray's car upon entering the building, he would've assumed no one was in the apartment. "Ray?" Fraser called out as he closed the door behind him.

Diefenbaker honed in on Ray's location. Fraser found Diefenbaker scratching at the closet door, whimpering. As he removed his pea coat, Fraser joined his wolf at the closet door and twisted the knob to open it. Once the door was open, he found Ray.

Ray sat huddled on the floor of the closet, legs tucked up against his chest and his arms were wrapped around his legs. When the door was opened, Ray looked up from his seated position. "Hey Benny." Diefenbaker went immediately to Ray and began licking his face. "Ewe, yuk, wolf drool . . . Dief quit it." Ray sounded like he was protesting the wolf's affection but he made no movement to stop Diefenbaker and he was petting him lovingly.

"Hello Ray . . . what are you doing in my closet?" Fraser asked as he hung up his coat and began removing his tunic.

When Ray looked up, he swallowed hard as he watched Fraser strip out of the uniform tunic. God he was beautiful. For some reason, seeing Fraser in the jodhpurs and braces . . .

"Ray?"

"Yeah Benny?"

"Why are you in my closet?" Fraser asked again as he looked down at his friend with his hands on his hips.

"Ah, Benny . . . I needed a place to think, ya know? We seem to have some of our best strategy sessions in the closet so . . ." Ray trailed off as he gave Diefenbaker one last rub behind the ear and started to get up with some difficulty.

Fraser being the polite, ever helpful Mountie he was, bent over to help his friend up and when he tucked his arm under Ray's to pull him up, Ray yelped. "Ray, are you all right?" Fraser asked with concern.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Must've been sittin' in there too long," Ray lied as he hobbled away from Fraser.

Fraser watched as Ray walked around the apartment, stretching his body. What Fraser observed was Ray stretching every part of his body except the arm he'd helped Ray stand up with. Fraser cleared his throat. "Ray, why were you thinking in my closet?"

"Fraser, do you have to know everything?" Ray turned to look at Fraser and for the first time since he saw Ray in the closet, Fraser noticed his black eye.

"Ray . . . your eye, what happened?" Fraser walked over to Ray in order to get a closer look.

"Why does everyone ask me that? Nothing happened to me okay? I fell, all right? I fell, I'm in a bad mood and Lt. Welsh sent me home because of it. Are you happy now?" Ray was walking around the apartment in his typical ranting mode but only one arm was flailing as he paced.

"If you were sent home, why didn't you go home? Why did you come here?" Fraser asked after Ray's irritated tirade ended.

Ray turned to look at Fraser. "You don't want me here?" Ray sounded a little hurt by the questions asked.

"No Ray, that's not what I meant. You know you are welcome here . . . always." Fraser had to figure out a way to defuse the situation. "Would you like to stay for dinner? I don't have much but . . ."

Ray's body language changed abruptly and softened. "Yeah Benny, I'd like that very much, thanks."

And so, the two friends proceeded to make dinner which consisted of the only meal Fraser was really good at making, spaghetti. It wasn't nearly as good as Mrs. Vecchio's but it would do for a meal. Needless to say, the meal did not go without a hitch. At one point, Diefenbaker got so excited, he caused a slight accident. "Damnit Dief, look what you made me do," Ray exclaimed as he stared in horror at the stain on his gray sweater.

"Relax Ray, if you just take it off, I can soak it and I'm certain I can get the stain out." Fraser moved closer to Ray, waiting for him to remove the soiled article of clothing.

"Why is this my life?" Ray muttered the question as he began pulling his sweater off. Fraser noted the difficulty Ray was having but refused to help him in an attempt to not set off his temper again. "Here," Ray groused as he handed Fraser his sweater. "Good luck."

"I'll be right back Ray. I'm just going to take this down to the bathroom," and Fraser was out of the apartment before Ray could even think about protesting against Fraser leaving the expensive garment in the communal bathroom.

When Fraser returned to his apartment, Ray was standing at the kitchen window, staring out with his back in Fraser's direction. Ray had been wearing a singlet style T'shirt under his sweater and as Fraser walked into the kitchen area, he could see the reason why Ray wasn't using his right arm.

Ray hadn't heard Fraser come into the apartment so the first indication of his presence was the touch of Fraser's hand on his shoulder. Ray nearly jumped through the window at the contact but Fraser placed his other hand on Ray's other shoulder. "Ray, it's okay . . . it's just me. What happened?" He asked as he pulled Ray's T'shirt out a bit to investigate the large dark bruise on the back of his shoulder.

"Nothin' Benny, I told you before, I fell, okay?" Ray's head had dropped forward and his breathing was becoming ragged. "Fraser, could you please . . . don't touch me."

Fraser was going to release his hold immediately upon the request but quickly changed his mind. "Why Ray?" Ray sighed as he turned to move away from the window and his friend. Fraser kept contact with Ray until he was out of his reach. "Ray?"

"Benny, it's not you okay, it's me . . . I think I better go." Ray tried to get to this coat but Diefenbaker got in his way. "Move it Furface." Diefenbaker wouldn't budge. "Would ya mind calling off your wolf?"

"Diefenbaker!" Fraser's one word command had the wolf sitting at ease. "Ray, please, stay . . . we haven't even eaten yet."

"Benny, you wouldn't want me to stay, trust me." Ray tried again to get to his coat but his good arm was caught in a light grip. "What did I tell you?" Ray asked in a warning manner.

Fraser refused to let go again. "Ray, please, we can talk this through. There's nothing you couldn't tell me that I wouldn't understand." Fraser desperately wanted to know what was going on and what was wrong.

A chuckle could be heard from Ray. "Ya know, I've heard that one before and when I told that person, I had the snot beat out of me. I didn't fight back because I was suppose to respect and love him but I learned early in life not to love him . . ."

"Ray, I don't understand."

"Of course you don't. Typical naive Benton Fraser of the R.C.M.P., you couldn't know of a cruel and hateful world. Oh you had a glimpse of it with Victoria but you have no idea of the everyday cruelty I live." Ray pulled his arm away from Fraser but didn't move.

"You mean lived, the cruel life you lived as a child," Fraser corrected.

Ray laughed for the second time that evening. "Yeah . . . lived," Ray halfheartedly agreed, "whatever you say Benny. Your world is a happy world whether it is or isn't. You make it happy . . . I've gotta go."

"No Ray . . ." Fraser tried to grab a hold of Ray's arm again but Ray maneuvered away.

"Don't," Ray yelled.

"Ray, you're not making any sense here. All I want to do is help you." Fraser was pleading.

"You can't help me . . . no one can help me . . ." Ray turned to look Fraser in the eye. "I . . ." Fraser had a worried look on his face and Ray couldn't finish his sentence. The words froze in his mouth.

"Ray, just tell me, I promise I will understand. You're my best friend, there isn't anything you can't tell me." When Fraser said this, he sounded so sure of himself, Ray almost believed him.

"You won't, no matter what you say, you will never understand." Ray continued to put on his coat finally.

"Ray, this is getting ridiculous."

"I love you all right? No, I more than love you, I'm in love with you. Are you satisfied now? Do you still understand?" He was shouting as he finished his confession. Ray stood there defeated and he was staring at a stunned Mountie. Diefenbaker hid under the kitchen table.

"Ray . . . I . . . I . . . Oh dear . . ."

Ray's head sulked forward as he turned and headed for the door. "Never mind Benny, I knew this was too good to ask for . . . I guess I'll see ya around." Ray opened the apartment door to leave.

"Ray . . ." he turned to look at Fraser but no more words would come out of his friend's mouth. Fraser was quite stunned by the revelation that his best friend was in love with him and no matter how most men would be disgusted by it, strangely, Fraser was not. The only problem was, Fraser didn't know how to articulate his feelings to his best friend and all he could do was watch as Ray left.

"Bye Fraser," Ray said as he closed the door behind him, leaving Fraser all to painfully alone.

"Caro?" Mrs. Vecchio called out as she opened her son's bedroom door. She closed the door behind her when she entered the room. She found Ray lying on his bed, curled up in a ball, sobbing. "Oh Caro, please don't cry," Mrs. Vecchio said as she sat on the edge of Ray's bed, trying to comfort him. "What is wrong my son? Is it Joseph?" Ray shook his head. Even though Joseph was half the problem, Ray didn't want to worry his mother. "Ah . . ." She patted his sore shoulder and he tried not to flinch. "It is a matter of the heart." Ray didn't confirm nor deny his mother's assumption. "Raymondo . . . speak to me." Mrs. Vecchio pleaded as she stared at the back of her son's head.

Ray rolled over onto his back to look up at his mother but still didn't say anything. Mrs. Vecchio smiled down at her son, running her hand down the side of his face. "Caro, he will come around . . . it's just all new to him."

"Ma, how do you know?" Ray was startled by his mother's comment.

"Raymondo, a mother always knows . . . I've known since the day you brought him home," Mrs. Vecchio answered with a smile, remembering that first meal with the Canadian and how overwhelmed he was.

"And you're not angry with me? You're not upset or disappointed?" Ray couldn't believe his mother acceptance.

"No Caro, I am worried for you maybe but not angry." Mrs. Vecchio took hold of her son's hand. "You mustn't let your brother find about this . . . it would not be good. I remember when your father found out . . ." Ray stiffened as his mother trailed off her words and at the memories of that horrible day. "Yes dear, I knew then you were gay and I knew then you were a very strong man. A stronger man than your own father ever was for you didn't fight back."

"Thanks Ma but I don't think Benny and I are on the same page so to speak," Ray said as he rubbed his eyes with his free hand.

"Don't give up on him so soon Caro. He is a good man and I have seen him with you. There is something there, trust me." Mrs. Vecchio patted the hand she held.

"Yeah? Well, I'm not gonna be holding my breath or anything," Ray said in an unbelieving tone.

"Heavens no, that wouldn't do anyone any good now would it?"

Ray laughed at his mother's literal thinking. "No Ma, it wouldn't. I love you Ma," Ray sat up and hugged his mother.

"As I love you Caro, you know that." Mrs. Vecchio returned Ray's embrace.

From the moment Ray left his apartment, there was an ache in Fraser's heart that he didn't realize was possible. Ray loved him and he didn't know what to say or do about it. "Dief, I am in a slight pickle." Diefenbaker remained under the kitchen table where he knew it was safest. With no help coming from the wolf, Fraser opted that sleep was his only solution and when he was lying in his bed, sleep would not come. He was then stuck thinking and pondering and wondering.

The night he had found Ray sleeping in his apartment was the first time Ray had tried to tell him how he felt and all Fraser could do was simply reply, "I love you too." There were no feelings or emotions behind the words. They were stated as if it was a known and understood fact between the two of them. How wrong could that be?

He did love Ray like a friend, a best first at that. There was a chemistry between them that neither could explain. Everyone around them often wondered how they could be such close friends and the only answer Fraser could come up with was the answer Ray had given him on the subject. "Alone we're incomplete but together we are better than we are separately." They completed each other. Where one lacked the other fulfilled. When one came up short, the other carried.

He also loved Ray like a brother. Ray had become his family and in turn, Ray offered his own family to Fraser. It was the most precious gift Ray could offer to another person. He had only done that one time before and that was when he married Angie. Fraser was honored that Ray deemed he was worthy to be accepted as family.

The question now was, did he love Ray like a lover should? Fraser would do anything for his friend, he was sure of that but it wasn't so much the capability of doing anything. Could he see himself with another man in a romantic sense? Heck, he couldn't even see himself with a woman in those terms. Was he capable of loving someone or anyone like that at all? He thought he had loved Victoria but with hindsight he realized that was just an infatuation and nothing more.

How could Ray love him anyway? After all he had done to him, Ray should hate him rather than love him. Love him, it was a good feeling to know someone loved him. This feeling is one he couldn't describe. There were no words to describe how this knowledge made him feel and that's when he realized why. He had never really loved anyone in this way before, ever; not his family, Ray's family or even Victoria. This was a love far different than he had ever experienced before.

Fraser sat up in bed startling Diefenbaker who was still cowering under the kitchen table. Diefenbaker perked his head up and cocked it to one side questioning what was wrong. Fraser smiled over to his wolf. "It's nothing Dief . . . well . . . it's something but it's nothing to be alarmed about." Fraser's smile got even bigger.

Fraser wasn't surprised when Ray didn't show up for the second day in a row. He pretty much expected the brush off from how they ended their conversation the night before but he was still looking forward to seeing Ray. Actually, he was having a hard time concentrating on his work at hand due to his revelation and every time the Inspector walked by his office, she saw a goofy grin on his face and had to shake her head at the weirdness of it all. If she didn't know any better, she would bet her life on the fact that he was in love but that was impossible, right? Inspector Thatcher shook her head again, admonishing herself for her thoughts and for even caring as she headed back towards her office.

As always, the days you want to pass by quickly never do and when you dread the day's end, it comes before you know it. Nevertheless, the end of the day was finally at hand and Fraser was preparing for the second walk home in two days. This was something his wolf was not too happy with. "Dief, I hope you realize, that sulking look isn't very becoming on a wolf." Diefenbaker whimpered as he watched Fraser put on his pea coat. "You do comprehend the fact that Ray did not go into work today and that is why he could not pick us up . . . you are truly relentless you know?" Diefenbaker grumbled. "Come on, let's go," Fraser said as he led the way out of his office, Diefenbaker reluctantly followed. Their destination was the Vecchio home.

Upon arrival, Fraser first noticed Ray was indeed home by the sight of his car, parked in front of the house. After entering the home he learned another fact, Joseph was not home. The house was alive with the noises Fraser had only recently begun to miss. "Benton, it is so good to see you," Mrs. Vecchio greeted as she closed the door and then led him further into the house.

"As it is always good to see you too." Fraser turned to look at Ray's mother and noticed the changes immediately. She looked tired, which wasn't normal for even her. With chasing all her grandchildren around the house, she always seemed to have so much energy. They seemed to keep her young. But today she looked like all that energy and then some had been drained out of her. "Are you feeling all right Mrs. Vecchio?"

She looked ashamed to be showing her weariness. "I am fine Benton, just fine. Have you come to see Raymondo?" Mrs. Vecchio was very good at changing the subject.

"As a matter of fact, I have. Is he feeling under the weather? I heard he didn't go to work today . . . " Fraser trailed off.

Mrs. Vecchio smiled. "You are a good friend Caro." It was the first time she had used the term of endearment towards him and he liked it very much. "Raymondo did stay home today, yes. He's been in his room most of the afternoon."

"Is he ill?" Fraser asked while taking off his coat.

Mrs. Vecchio took the discarded garment from Fraser. "Oh Caro, there are many things that trouble my Raymondo, one being his heart, I know that but he won't tell me everything. There are some things he's keeping from even me." Mrs. Vecchio looked hurt by her son's secrecy.

"I'm sure he just doesn't want to trouble you. Mrs. Vecchio, have you noticed Ray being a bit clumsy around the house lately?" Fraser asked in an effort to get any information that would explain Ray's sudden change in behavior.

"No, not at the house. He's had a few mishaps at work though but he won't go into detail as to what happened." Fraser had now worried Ray's mother.

"Ah." Fraser's wheels were turning but he didn't like where they were headed.

"Ah? Is there something I should know about?" Mrs. Vecchio asked.

"It's nothing Mrs. Vecchio. May I see Ray now?"

Mrs. Vecchio's face brightened. "Oh yes, please," she answered as she gestured towards the stairs leading to the upper floors.

"You don't think he will mind me being here, do you?" Fraser questioned as he headed towards the stairway.

"Oh no Caro, if anything you are probably what the doctor ordered." Fraser blushed at her words. "Now go, I will take Diefenbaker with me." She gently pushed Fraser up the first few steps and once he was nearly halfway up the flight, Mrs. Vecchio turned to take Diefenbaker into the kitchen for a snack.

Opening the door slowly, Fraser was taken back by the darkness in the room. Even though it was after six in the evening, there was still a little light outside but the drapes had been closed so tightly, it was nearly pitch black in Ray's bedroom. He could hear movement coming from the room and when he poked his head in, a figure to the left of the door caught his attention. Obviously it was Ray and he was standing in the dark, trying to get dressed. Trying being the operative word. Fraser observed, as best he could in the darken room, his friend becoming irritated with his chore and immediately entered to help him. Not saying a word, Fraser approached Ray from behind and helped pull the sweater down over his head.

Ray was thankful for the help, who ever it was that was helping him. Whether it was his mother, Frannie, Maria, Tony, hell even if it was his brother he was grateful. Ray turned around to thank his helper but froze when he realized who was actually in the room with him. The light from the hallway brightened the room just enough for him to make out the features of his best friend's face. Ray swallowed hard before he spoke. "Hey Benny."

The sound of that voice, saying that nickname rewarded Ray with a smile. "May I turn the light on Ray? I would like to see you when I speak to you."

Ray swallowed again and nonchalantly said, "Sure."

Fraser turned and headed towards the door of Ray's bedroom. Once the he flipped the light switch on, he closed the door. "Ray . . ." Fraser didn't know exactly how to begin or what to say for that matter.

Ray plowed ahead before Fraser could continue. "Listen Fraser, I didn't mean for you to find out . . . not like that . . . not at all for that matter." Ray turned away from Fraser's stare at the end of his admission.

"Not at all?" Fraser asked, not understanding Ray's sudden shyness.

"Well no . . . What was the point?" Ray kept his back to Fraser. He couldn't look at that face or into those eyes and keep his head about him.

"Enlightenment maybe . . ." Fraser remained where he was, waiting for Ray to make the first move.

Ray snickered and shook his head as he walked towards his bedroom window. "And what have I enlightened you about? That you can no longer be my friend knowing this? That I disgust you? That you feel guilty for causing this to happen? Rest assured Fraser, I have been this way for a while now, since before you hit town. You shouldn't feel guilty Benny boy."

"Ray, you are my best friend and there is nothing that could change that." Fraser stepped a little closer to Ray but stopped halfway, not wanting to spook him.

Ray turned to look at this friend. "Really?" Ray's stomach was fluttering.

Fraser gave Ray a smile that started with his eyes and spread down his face. "Yes Ray, may I ask you something?"

"It would appear you just did," Ray said, jokingly.

"Yes Ray but seriously, may I ask you a question other than the particular question I just asked now?" Fraser clarified. Ray nodded for Fraser to continue. Now it was Fraser who was nervous.

"Do you wanna sit down?" Ray asked gesturing towards the bed. "I promise I won't bite." He smiled and noticed Fraser blush as he turned to sit on the bed. He joined Fraser on the bed, sitting beside him.

"How do you know?"

"How do I know what Benny? That I won't bite you?"

Fraser sighed, "No Ray, how do you know that you love me?"

"Oh," Ray was hoping he meant the biting question for that would have been an easier question to answer. He had hoped that they could've just dropped the issue of the love he felt for his best friend but he should've known better with Fraser. "Is this really necessary?"

"Yes Ray."

Ray took a deep breath and released it slowly. "Ah Benny, you might as well ask me how I know the sky is blue or the grass is green . . . I guess I knew I loved you when it became apparent to me that I couldn't imagine a day without you in it. When I started waking up every morning and you were my first thought of the day and when I went to sleep every night you were my last prayer. I really knew I loved you when I found that I didn't mind the wolf slobber or the ruined suits or spending money on things I didn't really care about. When making sure you were happy was first and foremost in my mind . . . that is when I knew I was in love with you." Ray's words rendered Fraser speechless.

"You okay Benny?" Fraser was just staring at Ray and for the first time since knowing this man, Ray couldn't read his face. "I said too much now, haven't I? I'm sorry Benny but you asked. I wish I could take it all back but I can't... " Ray got up off the bed to move away but Fraser reached out and took hold of his wrist. Ray turned to look at his friend and love was staring back at him. "Benny?"

Fraser smiled up at Ray causing Ray's heart to skip a beat or two, maybe even three. "Ray, I'm glad you told me. I can't imagine a day without you either. I think and worry about you every day, nonstop. When you told me you loved me, it felt good. No, it felt wonderful. No one, other than my family, has ever loved me . . ."

Ray cut Fraser off, "That's not true Benny, there is Frannie . . ."

In return, Fraser cut Ray off, giving him a look that told him to be quiet. "She doesn't love me Ray. She's infatuated with the ideal of me but that is all. She could never put up with me as you do."

"Ah Benny, I don't put up with anything. I love every aspect of you no matter how annoying they are. It's who you are. You're the one who has to put up with me."

Fraser tugged at Ray's arm to pull him closer to the bed. "Ray, I don't put up with anything either. I like who you are, how you are, what you are. I love that you call me Benny and that you trust me with your life. I love that you love me and as I said before, no one has ever loved me like that but I'm glad you are the one that does now."

"So you're in love me?" Ray asked with a hopeful voice.

Fraser frowned slightly and quietly answered, "I never said that Ray."

"Then you're not in love me?" Ray's said in a disappointed tone.

"I never said that either."

Ray was now confused. "Fraser, you're not making any sense here."

"I've annoyed you." Fraser finally released his hold of Ray and stared at his clasped hands in his lap.

Ray sighed in exasperation. "Yes Benny, you've annoyed me but I love that. Do you not know if you're in love me?" It was the only logical answer Ray could think of and the simple nod of Fraser's head answered his question. "Oh Caro . . ." At the sound of that endearment, Fraser raised his eyes to meet Ray's and they were sparkling. His breathing was slightly uneven. Ray reached a hand out to cup Fraser's cheek. "You like that Caro, don't you?" Ray asked, deliberately using the endearment again and smiling when he did it. Fraser nodded again as he took hold of the hand still gently resting on his cheek. "You need proof, huh?"

There was only one kind of proof Ray could think of giving and he only hoped Fraser could forgive him for it. Without a second thought, Ray closed the gap separating them and with both hands framing Fraser's face, Ray kissed him. Fraser didn't flinch away but he didn't respond to the contact either. When Ray pulled away, Fraser was looking straight ahead as if he was staring through Ray's body. His eyes were blinking profusely. "Benny?" The silence was deafening. The fact that he just kissed Fraser in his bedroom had Ray's own thoughts reeling but he needed to make sure Fraser was all right. He would never risk his friendship with this man for Fraser meant too much to him.

"Ray . . . " Fraser said hesitantly.

"Yeah Benny?"

"Could you sit down," Fraser gestured to the spot Ray had previously occupied on the bed, " . . . and . . . " Fraser paused in his thoughts.

Ray sat down next to Fraser. "And what Benny?"

"Can we try that again?" Fraser had such a serious look on his face that Ray didn't dare laugh at how cute the request sounded.

"Sure Benny, whatever you want, okay?" Ray wanted to assure that Fraser was in charge and if he changed his mind, Ray would be okay with that. Fraser nodded his understanding.

When their lips met a second time, it was like a spark igniting a fire. Before anything was registering in their minds, mouths were opening, tongues were exploring uncharted territory and the tastes were flavors neither man ever thought they would have the pleasure of knowing.

Lack of oxygen was the only reason they parted and only then did they realize the position they were in. Both men were now reclined on Ray's bed. Fraser was on his back and Ray was laying half on and half off Fraser. Slowly their senses were returning. "Hey Benny."

"Yes Ray?"

"Just hey," Ray said as he smiled down at Fraser. Ray traced his fingers down the side of Fraser's face. "God Benny, you are absolutely beautiful, ya know?" Ray leaned down and kissed Fraser's cheek. When Ray pulled back, he saw a blush rise on his Mountie's face. "Oh geez, have I embarrassed you?"

"Maybe a little Ray." But Fraser was smiling when he said it. "I guess I'm just not use to this."

"What, kissing another guy?" Ray asked with a sly grin on his face knowing better as to what Fraser was referring to.

"Ray . . ."

"I know Benny, I know." Ray then silenced him with another full mouth workout kiss. Their kissing was so involved that neither man heard the door open and then close without a peep from their visitor.

Fraser moved to roll them on the bed, Ray being pinned under his weight and Ray shrieked out with pain into Fraser's mouth. Fraser immediately pulled away. "Ray are you all right?"

Ray was panting, his eyes nearly bugged out of their sockets and he was trying to speak. Fraser placed a finger over Ray's lips, gently pecking them and pulled Ray back to lay against his body. Fraser ran his hands gently up and down Ray's back trying to calm him and it took quite a while.

"Ray, are you all right?" Fraser asked again once Ray was relaxed. Ray nodded his head against Fraser's chest and Fraser breathed a sigh of relief. "Do you want to tell me what's wrong?"

Ray shook his head. "I'm fine Benny. It's just my shoulder's a little sore still."

"Just a little . . . you nearly had me jumping out of my skin. Have you seen a doctor about that? I saw it, remember? It looked pretty bad." One of Fraser's hands was still tracing lines up and down Ray's spine while the other was rubbing over the back of his neck.

"I don't need a doctor Benny, trust me on this one, okay?" Ray maneuvered himself off of Fraser and sat at the side of the bed. "Benny, I think you better go."

Fraser sat up faster than ever. "Go?"

Ray turned and saw the panicked look on Fraser's face. "Yeah Benny, I'm really tired and I think it's best that we not rush into anything blindly, ya know?"

"Oh . . . all right . . . " Fraser stood up and was looking around the room. He was at a loss for words of what to say. What did one say after making out with his best friend, on his bed?

Ray reached out and took hold of Fraser's hand, clasping it tightly. "I do love you Benny."

Fraser felt his own smile spread on his lips. "I know Ray. I love you too." And then he knew what to say.

As Fraser walked down the stairs to the first floor, he felt full of life and yet at the same time, exhausted. When he entered the kitchen, looking for Diefenabker, he found him being spoiled by Mrs. Vecchio. "He is a good dog, Benton." Mrs. Vecchio commented as she handed Diefenbaker yet another cookie.

Fraser found it comical that she was the only person Diefenbaker allowed to refer to him as a dog. "He has his good and bad days ma'am."

"Did you have a good talk with Raymondo?" Mrs. Vecchio asked as she turned her attention to Fraser.

Fraser blushed uncontrollably. "Ah, yes ma'am . . . it was a very productive talk, thank you kindly."

"Good," Mrs. Vecchio walked up to Fraser and patted his cheek. "I don't like seeing my Raymondo so sad. I told him you were a good man." Fraser was a little shocked at the aspect of Ray's mother knowing about their discussion or lack there of. He was even more shocked at Mrs. Vecchio's acceptance of the situation. "Benton, don't be so surprised. A mother always knows what's on her children's minds and in their hearts and you Caro, you have been on my son's mind and in his heart for a while now."

"Thank you for having such confidence in me," Fraser said as he was pulled into a loving embrace. "It means a great deal to me."

Parting from the embrace and changing the subject, Mrs. Vecchio asked, "Will you be staying for dinner tonight Benton?"

"Yeah, will you be staying for dinner . . . 'Benny'?" The voice made Fraser shiver. When he turned to look at the person entering the kitchen, he wanted to run.

"Ah, no Joseph, I won't be staying for dinner." Fraser looked down at his wolf and enunciated clearly, "Come on Dief, I think we should go now." Diefenbaker whimpered and didn't budge from his spot. "Dief . . . Let's Go."

"Yeah dog, it's time you and Benny here left." Diefenbaker growled at Ray's brother.

"Diefenbaker!" Fraser admonished.

"Caro, please stay. You both are welcome as always," Mrs. Vecchio pleaded.

"Ma'am, although the offer is tempting, I really should be going," Fraser reiterated his originally decision, "but if Diefenbaker would like to stay ..." Diefenbaker jumped up with a grin. "I knew you'd like that."

"He is welcome to stay." Mrs. Vecchio beamed with pride as she stroked Diefenbaker behind the ears. Joseph gave a dissatisfied grunt and left the room. "Don't worry about him Benton." Mrs. Vecchio tried to reassure Fraser but that just couldn't be done.

"Please have Ray bring Dief when he picks me up for work in the morning."

"Yes, I will Caro. I will take good care of your dog." Mrs. Vecchio smiled at the chance to care for the canine.

Fraser once again noticed Diefenbaker's acceptance of Ray's mother's use of the term "Dog". "Thank you kindly, Mrs. Vecchio," Fraser said, accompanied by a bark of appreciation from Diefenbaker.

It was late when his bedroom door was opened and the person entered the room, unbeknownst to Ray. He was sleeping, having never left his bedroom the entire night. He didn't even join the family for dinner. The person who entered the room plopped sloppily down on the bed, which startled a sleeping Ray.

As he pried his exhausted eyes open, the stark darkness of the room and the idea that someone he couldn't see was sitting on his bed put Ray on edge. He reached for the lamp switch on the bedside table. When the light illuminated the room it caused him to squint until his eyes adjusted. Before Ray's eyesight was in clear focus, their conversation began. "I thought you were over it," Joseph said, not even turning to look at his brother.

Ray had no clue as to what his brother was speaking of. "Joey, what are you talking about? You're not making any sense. Are you all right?" Ray didn't dare ask the real question that was on his mind. Have you been drinking?

"Ray, I thought you had gotten over that 'phase' in your life when ya married Angie." Joseph still wouldn't look at Ray.

Ray finally sat up at rigid attention. "Joey, what the hell are you talking about?" Ray's mind was still trying to wake up and the more Joseph talked, the more confused Ray was becoming.

"Pop told me when he found out about you . . . he couldn't tell anyone else ... especially not Ma. How could you do it?" Joseph got off the bed and started pacing in the traditional Vecchio way. "I thought, 'Okay, he's only 17, he's experimenting, he's confused' and when you married Angie a few years later . . . I thought I was right but now . . ."

"But now what Joey? Do I embarrass you? Am I a disgrace to you?" Ray climbed out of bed slowly due his body still being slightly bruised form his last confrontation with his brother.

"How do you think the rest of the family is gonna feel when it becomes known? Do you think they will be overjoyed and accepting? What about Ma? She's probably gonna collapse from a heart attack when she finds out." Ray smiled inwardly about that comment seeing their mother already accepted that aspect of his life. Joseph continued his rampage, "Pop, hell, Pop is probably rolling over in his grave as we speak." Joseph's tirade faded as he came to an abrupt stop, facing Ray.

They were positioned one on each side of the bed and staring. Through the entire ranting session, Joseph never once stated what exactly he was upset with Ray about. "What is it that has you so angry Bro? Is it that I am happy or that I like sleeping with men?"

That comment ripped through Joseph's barriers quicker than lightning. He was around the bed, grasping fistfuls of Ray's sweater in each hand and shaking him while he shouted, "Shut up! You are not like that! He has you brainwashed, that's all. You were weak . . . "

"Joey let go of me!" Ray struggled to get loose to no avail and the throttling his brother was giving him was awakening every bruise he had received since Joseph's return to Chicago.

"I saw you two, on that bed, earlier today. It was disgusting. Ma would be heart broken to know what was going on under her roof." With a final hard thrust, Joseph sent Ray tumbling backwards. Ray was just barely able to keep his balance in check. "You will not do that again," Joseph ordered.

Ray gave an exasperated release of breath. "Who are you to tell me what I can and can't do? Pop couldn't tell me and neither can you." Ray made a movement to leave his bedroom but Joseph grabbed his arm. The action irritated Ray's injured shoulder. "Owe!"

Abruptly, Joseph let go and Ray stood there gripping his arm against his chest. "Ray, that . . . fruit cake is not welcome in this house. Is that understood?"

The words coming out of Joseph's mouth reminded Ray of the same conversation he had with their dad more than a decade ago. "Yeah Pop, whatever you say," Ray sarcastically commented to Joseph as he returned to his pathway towards the door.

"Ray, you will obey my order," Joseph said as he followed Ray.

Ray had just gotten the door ajar when the demand came from his brother. "I will what?" Ray turn in the archway to look at Joseph. " . . . Obey? And what if I don't? What are you gonna do, throw me out of my own house? Oh, or better yet, why don't you do what Pop did and beat the living shit out of me. Would that make you feel better? Because ya know, I will never, NEVER, stop seeing him, even if it kills me."

Joseph was stunned by his little brother's defiance. "If you won't listen to me, maybe Benny will."

Ray reared up on his brother. "You will not touch a hair on his head, do you understand me? You can do as you want with me but you are never to go near Benny, Capise?"

Before Joseph had a chance to respond to Ray's words of warning, both brothers heard a door open form down the hallway. They turned in unison in the direction of the noise and a very agitated wolf came trotting towards them. Diefenbaker took up a protective position next to Ray. Their mother was the next to come out into the hallway. "Raymondo, is everything all right? I heard voices."

Ray smiled at his mother. "Yeah, everything is just fine Ma. You go back to bed." Ray stooped down next to Diefenbaker. "You too Dief, go back with Ma, okay?" Diefenbaker gave a protesting whine but Ray stood his ground. "Dief, go." The wolf obeyed his stubborn command.

Mrs. Vecchio returned to her room as her son requested, praying all the way. She knew something was going to happen, there was no denying it this night. It had been building from the moment her eldest son came to town. Of course she'd seen the bruises on Ray, who couldn't have? But she tried to ignore them like she did all those years ago. Ray never said anything then and he wasn't saying anything now. Her son could be so stubborn. When she closed the door, she was left alone in her room with her thoughts.

Diefenbaker never returned to the bedroom as ordered. It just wasn't in his nature to obey a dominant's command. He did head back towards Mrs. Vecchio's bedroom but instead of entering, he remained hidden in the shadows of the hallway.

"Ray, be reasonable, think about what you're doing," Joseph called after his brother as he followed Ray down the stairs.

"What, do you think I'm going into this blindly?" Ray asked over his shoulder. "My eyes are wide open brother of mine. I see more clearly now than I ever did before." Once they were in the living room, Ray turned to look at Joseph. "This is who I am. You either accept it or you don't but if you don't, I don't want to hear you lecturing me because it's never gonna change me."

"Listen to yourself Ray, this is crazy. What kind of hold does he have over you?" Joseph couldn't believe this was what Ray was or what Ray wanted.

"I think you may be the crazy one here . . . listen to me Joey, I love hi . . ." Ray's words were left suspended in the air by a slug in the mouth. The force of the punch made Ray's head jerk back and he almost lost his balance. When Ray regained his equilibrium, he stood with his hand over the point of impact and steeled himself to continue and to continue, he repeated his statement. "I love him."

"You love him . . . but the question is does he love you? Or is he just along for a quick fun ride and once he's gotten his jollies he'll leave you high and dry wondering what you got yourself into in the first place?" Joseph asked trying to put any kind of doubt he could into Ray's head. "What could he possibly see in you anyway?"

The words hurt more than Ray liked them to have but he couldn't let his brother know his weakness. "I don't need to explain Benny's or my own feelings to you. It doesn't matter what you think but it's not like that. We love each other and that is all that matters." For some reason, this conversation was reminding Ray more and more of the one he had with their father when he found out and if that was any indication of how this night was going to end, it wasn't going to be pretty.

"That's all that matters? That's all that matters? What about your family? Don't they matter? What do you think this will do to Ma when she finds out? What about Frannie? I've heard she has a thing for the Mountie. Are you gonna break her heart too? How selfish can you be?" Joseph refused to give up so easy.

"I'm not going to do this." Ray turned to walk away from his brother and back up to his bedroom when Joseph grabbed his arm. "Joseph, let me go."

"No! This is not ending here. We will discuss this until you see it my way."

"Your way?" Ray couldn't believe his ears. "Are you listening to yourself? You sound just like him." Ray wriggled his arm free and put a little distance between them.

"Who, Pop? At least he knew what was right and what was wrong and this is definitely wrong."

Ray didn't want to continue this conversation and once again he started walking up the stairs with Joseph at his heels. "I'm not listening to you anymore, there is no point. We will never see eye to eye on this matter and I am prepared to accept that fact. Can't you just let it go?" When Ray reached the top of the landing he turned to look at his brother and waited for his response.

Joseph was as close as he had been the entire night. Both prominent noses were nearly touching and Ray could smell the alcohol on his brother's breath. His earlier question, from when he originally woke up, was answered but he didn't need to smell his breath to know his brother had been drinking. This was exactly how their father became after a night of boozing. Ray couldn't miss the signs.

Joseph moved even closer which caused Ray to back up against the wall. "I will not let you pull this family apart." Joseph was gritting his teeth as he spoke louder than was necessary. "Do you understand?"

"Joey, I'm not pulling the family apart. You're the one who will pull the family apart if you don't get a grip on yourself." Ray tried to gently gain a little room between them but there was no moving his brother. "You have to stop drinking. You've been drinking way too much since you got here . . ."

"I can handle it Ray. I don't need my little brother to tell me what to do. And anyway, I am nothing like our father so don't even imply that."

Diefenbaker was still hiding in the shadows of the hallway when it happened and when it did he had a dilemma as to what his response should be. Should he attack or protect? He knew Fraser would never forgive him if he let anything happen to their other pack mate and since he was too late to prevent that, all Diefenbaker wanted to do was retaliate the violence acted against his companion's friend. Instinct was telling him to attack but the human side of him over road the animal and in a flash Diefenbaker was at Ray's side at the bottom of the stairs.

The Vecchio clan stayed in their rooms through the entire argument between the two brothers. They had all been awake but this night was no different than when the arguments had been between father and son. They all heard the argument and what it was about. It was just easier to ignore the truth than to admit a fault and this family had a fault that only time had added to its enormity. When the loud piercing cry was heard that was cut off abruptly by a tumbling sound, there was no ignoring what was going on anymore.

All three Vecchio women were out in the hallway quicker than a bat of an eye. None of them were sure who arrived first but when they saw Joseph standing at the top of the stairs shaking, it was obvious what had just occurred. Neither sister wanted to believe it. Mrs. Vecchio was the first to approach the stairs, rushing passed her eldest son and on down to the bottom landing where Ray's body lay. Diefenbaker stood in a protective stance next to Ray all the while he growled up at Joseph, bearing his teeth in a threatening manner.

When Mrs. Vecchio was at Ray's side, only then did Diefenbaker back off his growling and he began to whimper. He could sense this situation was not good but there was nothing he could do and that caused Diefenbaker to feel helpless.

Everything at that point began happening in a snowball effect. Someone called for an ambulance which arrived amazingly faster than anyone expected and when Ray was loaded up in the back of the vehicle, Mrs. Vecchio climbed in for the ride to the hospital. Maria and Tony decided to remain at home with the children and Francesca had been instructed by Mrs. Vecchio to take Diefenbaker and bring Fraser to the hospital immediately.

The knock on his door after 2:00am startled Fraser out of bed and still in a groggy state, he answered the door in his T-shirt and boxers. He just wanted to get rid of who ever was bothering him at such an ungodly hour of the morning and go back to sleep. When he opened the door and saw Francesca, accompanied by his wolf, Fraser sobered up quickly. "Francesca, what are you doing here?" Fraser asked as he opened the door to allow Francesca and Diefenbaker in.

Francesca entered the spartan apartment hesitantly, not knowing what to tell Fraser or even how. Their lives hadn't been this way for such a long time and Francesca had forgotten how they handled all the cover-ups back then. She turned to look at Fraser and decided to tell him the truth. "Ah . . . it's Ray, Fraser."

He paled immediately at the mention of Ray's name and this reaction Francesca noted. "What's happened Francesca? Is Ray all right?"

Diefenbaker was whimpering at her side as she continued. "Ah . . . he had a slight accident tonight . . ."

"Francesca please, just tell me." Fraser was already getting dressed for he knew they weren't going to be staying at the apartment long. The stress of the conversation alleviated all inhibitions Fraser always seemed to feel when in Francesca's presence. All he was thinking about was Ray and the time in which it would take to get to him.

"Okay, here it is . . ." Fraser noticed Francesca was shaking slightly as she spoke. She had heard the argument between her brothers. She knew Ray loved Fraser and the fact that Fraser returned those feelings mutually didn't trouble or annoy her in the slightest, for she had given up on pursuing Fraser after the whole Victoria incident. She knew he would never return her feelings but that didn't mean she couldn't ogle the man whenever he was in her presence. He was a sight to look at after all. A fact even her brother could agree with her about. "Ray was arguing with our brother tonight and somehow he fell down the stairs."

"What?" Fraser's head popped up from tying his boots in shock. He couldn't believe Ray to be that careless. "You mean Joseph pushed Ray down the stairs ..." Fraser detailed what he could only assume happened.

"We didn't see him do it . . ."

"But that is what you think happened, isn't Francesca?" Fraser was fully dressed in jeans and a flannel shirt by this point. Francesca just nodded her head as the sobs she had been holding in since seeing her brother lying at the bottom of the family staircase finally released.

Fraser immediately went to Francesca and instinctively pulled her into a comforting embrace. "Shhh, it's going to be all right Francesca. Ray is a strong man, you'll see. He's probably bossing the doctors around as we speak." His words were not only meant to reassure Francesca but himself as well.

Fraser received a weak snicker from Ray's sister. She wanted to believe Fraser desperately but also knew she couldn't allow herself to think that until she could see for her own eyes that Ray was all right. Pulling out of the comforting embrace, Francesca wiped her face and said, "Come on . . . we better get going to the hospital."

The light in the room was brighter than he expected as he tried to open his heavy eyelids. Ray blinked profusely as he slowly adjusted to the brightness. His mind was still in a fog as he attempted to understand his surroundings and he groaned out loud when he realized where he was. He hated hospitals. The events of how he ended up in the one place he most dreaded being in were still a bit hazy but when he tried to move, every inch of his body ached. That is when he remembered what had occurred and he closed his eyes again wanted to forget the entire event. How did he let this happen? How did he let it escalate to this magnitude?

A sound to his right made Ray open his eyes again and when he tried to turn his head he found that to be an impossible task due to the brace that was wrapped round his neck. Straining his eyes in order to look at his right the best he could, Ray had expected to find his fretting mother to be sitting next to the bed. Instead, Ray was surprised at the sight of an uncomfortably dozing Mountie and he smiled. Even smiling was painful but he couldn't help himself.

The sense of being watched or stared at startled Fraser from his light sleep and when his eyes locked on the ones watching him, he returned the smile. "Good morning Ray," Fraser said as the stood up and stretched, moving closer to the gurney.

The butterflies were fluttering in Ray's stomach and he was probably about as nervous as he ever had been in his entire life. "Morning Benny?" Ray said in a questioning tone.

Fraser placed his hand on top of Ray's head, leaned down and kissed his forehead. He spoke quietly to Ray. "Yes Ray, morning. It's about 4:55am. How are you feeling?"

Ray shrugged pathetically and with a slight frown replied, "Well, I've had better days."

The comment got a small chuckle out of Fraser. "I suppose that would be true. Ray, why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what Benny?"

"Ray . . ." Fraser gave Ray a look of despair. "I can't help you unless you are honest with me. I don't know how to help you. Please . . ."

Ray sighed heavily. It was such a natural instinct to ignore what had happened, to hide the truth. Ray wasn't sure if he could tell Fraser what had been going on. He also knew that if they were going to move to the next level in their relationship, he had to tell him. "Benny . . ." Ray began as he adjusted his eyesight towards the ceiling. " . . . I don't know where to begin."

"Ray, whenever you are ready I will listen." Fraser took hold of Ray's hand. "You must trust me with this information. You've had your mother worried for weeks now and you've had me worried too."

"You've been worried?" Ray asked in an unbelieving tone.

"Yes Ray, is that so hard to believe? I should think it was obvious that I worry about you." Fraser reached behind him to pull the uncomfortable chair closer to the gurney. "I care about you. I love you Ray."

The final statement caused tears to streak down Ray's face. Fraser wiped the tears away with his free hand. "It's good to hear that Benny . . . I've been such a fool. I've been so stupid."

"Ray, don't say that . . . maybe confused but in no way have you been a fool or stupid." Fraser hated hearing Ray belittle himself in such a manner. Whenever Ray did that, it was his father's words that came out and not Ray's.

"Confused . . . maybe but weak is more like it." More words his father had drilled into him as a child.

"Ray, you are not weak. You are a very strong man. If you weren't, you wouldn't have let what happened, happen." Fraser corrected.

"I wouldn't have let what happened, happen? Fraser you do realize what has been going on right? My brother has been beating the crap out of me and I've done nothing to retaliate against him. I just let him do it. What kind of person does that make me?" Ray was tired. All he wanted to do was curl up and sleep the events of the night before and the past few weeks away.

"That makes you a person who loves his brother very much. You knew he wasn't thinking clearly just as you knew your father was never thinking clearly when he took out his anger on you." Fraser was hoping he was making sense enough to get through to Ray.

"I think you know more about this situation than you're leading on," Ray commented as he looked at Fraser for the first time since this conversation began.

"Yes Ray, I know he was the one who caused all the bruises. I've been talking with your mother . . ." Fraser stated.

"Oh God, Ma . . . is she all right?" Ray interrupted.

"Yes Ray, she's in the waiting room with Francesca right now. She's very upset about what happened and refused to be in here with you," Fraser tried to explain.

"She refused to be in here, why?"

"Well, she feels, in a way, responsible for your current condition Ray."

"Oh Ma, it's not her fault. If anyone is to blame it's myself for letting it happen."

"Ray, you are not to blame any more than she is. You did not let this happen. If anyone is to blame it should be Joseph." Fraser was truly angered by the effect Joseph seemed to have on the family. If this was what Ray's father was like, it was surely a frightening childhood Ray lived through that his own isolated one didn't even compare to it.

"Fraser, do you think you could send Ma in?" Ray asked. "I really need to talk with her."

"Of course Ray." Fraser stood up and kissed the hand he held. "I love you Ray."

Ray blushed slightly. "Yeah Benny, I love you too, thanks."

Once Mrs. Vecchio left the waiting room to see her son, Fraser took up a pacing vigil in front of Francesca. He was angry and all he wanted to do was take his anger out on the one person who was responsible for the heartache caused this evening but he also knew that it wouldn't solve anything either.

"Fraser!" Francesca sternly called out his name for the third time, the first two calls Fraser was oblivious to.

"What, oh Francesca, I'm sorry." Fraser stopped his pacing for a second to regard Ray's sister but then took up where he left off.

"Fraser, if I didn't know any better, I would swear you were a blood related Vecchio," Francesca jokingly commented about the unusual pacing that wasn't a Fraser trait.

Fraser stopped pacing again and gave her a lopsided smirk. "I'm sorry Francesca, I just can't seem to focus."

"Fraser please, sit down." Francesca motioned to the seat next to her. He reluctantly took the offered seat and when Francesca took hold of his right hand, he stiffened at the contact. She realized then that it would take a while for him to relax in her presence after the long unrequited courtship she had extended on her part. "It's okay Fraser, I'm not gonna bite."

A small snicker escaped Fraser as he thought back to earlier the night before when another Vecchio had voiced those same words. Fraser then relaxed knowing far too well that Francesca was a little more tactful than to throw herself at him during a time of crisis.

"Is something funny Fraser?"

"No Francesca, I was just thinking about something that happened yesterday." Fraser leaned back in his chair, taking in a deep breath and releasing it slowly.

"Can we talk Fraser?"

Fraser turned his head to look at Ray's sister and he could tell whatever subject she was about to broach was important. "Of course Francesca, what about?"

"It's kinda about what happened tonight and other things too," she began with a short explanation.

"Go on."

"Well, after it happened and before the ambulance left with Ma and Ray, she was very adamant that I bring you here. It was like you belonged here with Ray." Francesca didn't realize how hard this was going to be. Fraser just sat there, waiting for her to continue. "I guess I should have known. I don't know why I didn't see it before but I do now." Fraser still wouldn't say a word. "What I'm trying to say is that I heard what Ray and Joey were fighting about tonight . . . how could anyone not hear . . . and I guess I just wanted to tell you that I'm glad Ray stood up to Joey for you." Francesca smiled at Fraser trying to convey her acceptance of their new relationship. "I guess if I can't have you at least another Vecchio can." It was a small attempt at a joke and it did its part to lighten the mood.

"Thank you Francesca, your acceptance of our . . ." Fraser didn't really know the word to use at this point to define what type of relationship he and Ray had. He had only exposed his feelings for Ray that night and had kiss for the first time. They had never even really been out on a date, so to speak.

"Relationship?" Francesca offered the definition.

Relationship seemed too formal for Fraser's liking. "No . . . Your acceptance of our love for one another is very important to me and I am sure to Ray as well."

"How long have you two been boyfriends." The word Francesca chose made Fraser laugh heartily. "What? What's so funny?"

"To be truthful, I only discovered these feelings the other night after Ray told me he loved me. I don't know if I should be telling you this but . . ." Fraser couldn't believe he was about to tell her something so intimate but she was the only person, for now, that he could talk to. "We kissed for the first time last night." Fraser blushed once he had said it and wished he could take it all back.

"It's okay Fraser, you don't need to feel embarrassed. I hope you know you can talk to me about anything. It's always good to have another ear, other than my brother's, you can chew on for a while . . . not figuratively of course. I know my brother won't share his men . . . or at least this one."

That comment made Fraser blush again. "Thank you kindly Francesca."

Ray was held in the emergency room most of the morning and when he was finally released, it was nearing the noon hour. They had poked and prodded and ran every kind of x-ray/tests imaginable. Ray was deemed healthy enough to go home with a small bump on the head, a broken rib and many, many bruises covering his body.

"Ray are you sure you want to go home?" Fraser asked as they all piled into Francesca's car.

"Yes Benny, for the last time, it will be okay. Okay?" Ray was getting slightly annoyed but that was normal between the two of them. "You'll be coming home too, won't you?"

Fraser looked at Ray, blinking a few times before answering. "Ah . . . I wasn't planning on it . . . Do you want me to come home with you?"

The entire car was silent other than the two men in the back seat conversing back and forth. "Well, only if you want to . . . I wouldn't want to make you do anything you didn't want to do."

Their sudden shyness was unnerving to Francesca. "Fraser, you don't have a choice in the matter. Since I'm the one driving, I am announcing now, there is only one stop this car is making and that is at our house." Francesca received a pat of approval on her arm from her mother.

"Well, I guess I will be going home with you Ray." Fraser accepted his fate but it really wasn't such a bad fate.

"Good," Ray said as he scooted a little closer to Fraser and leaned his bruised and batter body against his. Fraser accepted the weight, wrapping his arm around Ray's shoulder and taking hold of his hand.

Upon arrival at the Vecchio home, Joseph was no where to be found and that was a good thing. No one knew where he went and at this point, no one cared, except for his mother. Ray was settled in his bed and slept the entire afternoon away being under the influence of a few painkillers the doctor prescribed. Fraser stood vigilant guard over his soon to be lover's vulnerable body. His guard consisted of him being seated in the chair by Ray's bedroom window but he was there for whenever Ray did wake from his drug induced sleep. Fraser was dozing as well after being woken at such an ungodly hour of the morning.

The light touch of fingertips on his face jarred Fraser from his sleep and when he peered into the darkness of the room before him, he could see Ray's face hovering in front of his own. Even with all the pain Ray was in, he was still smiling. "Hey Benny." Ray then leaned forward and kissed him soundly on the lips. "It's good to see ya here." When Ray tried to stand up straight, he winced at the pain.

"Ray, you should be in bed," Fraser scolded as he stood up from the chair. He too was a bit sore from the odd position he had slept in.

"Benny, you're not looking any better than me but at least I have an excuse," Ray joked. "Come on, I'll go back to bed only if you join me." Ray offered as he held his hand out, waiting for Fraser to take him up on the proposition.

"I don't know Ray . . . what about your family . . ."

"Benny, if you think they don't know after last night then you're not the bright Mountie I thought you were." Fraser blushed at the comment. "Come on, I can't do anything but I at least want to lye beside you, in my bed . . . if that's all right with you."

Ray could see Fraser smile in the darkened room and move closer to him. "Yes Ray," Fraser whispered, "I would like that very much." Fraser took hold of Ray's hand and led him back to bed. He made sure Ray was situated comfortably before climbing in himself. It was an immediate response to nestle up against each other.

"Thanks Benny." Ray's head rested on Fraser's shoulder and they were both back asleep before they realized it.

It had been nine months since the abusive culmination occurred and everything seemed to return to normal. Joseph had packed his bags and returned to Colorado, where he had been living with his wife before their separation. He didn't even say goodbye to his family due to his embarrassment about what he had done.

Ray and Fraser's relationship blossomed as any healthy relationship did and they enjoyed every minute of every day they spent together and hated the minutes they were apart, which wasn't a common occurrence. They worked together, they ate together and they slept together, well, sometimes they didn't actually sleep but they were together, as was the case this night. Ray was lying next to his lover with his head resting on his chest and his right arm draped across his abdomen. Fraser's heartbeat always seemed to mesmerize Ray and he sighed deeply at the calming effect it had on him.

"Are you all right Ray?" Fraser asked as he ran a hand over Ray's cropped hair and down his neck.

"I'm fine Benny," Ray assured. "I received a letter today . . . from Joey."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I haven't spoken to him since that night . . ." Ray was still having trouble discussing what had happened and Fraser accepted that. He knew when Ray was ready they would discuss the events leading up to and including that dreadful night but only when Ray was ready and no sooner.

"And how is your brother Ray?" Fraser asked, prodding him gently to continue.

"He sounds fine. He's been in counseling ya know? Even Sarah's gone with him."

"I will assume Sarah is your sister-in-law," Fraser commented.

"Yeah, she's a wonderful person and she really does love him. I think they might get back together. Seems he just need a good swift kick in the ass, or a pending divorce, for a wake up call, ya know?" Ray propped himself up on his elbow and ran his right hand over the area where his head had been resting. He could feel the pounding of Fraser heart as clearly as he could hear it. "He might come out for the holiday's . . ."

Fraser took hold of the hand on his chest. "How do you feel about that Ray?"

Ray shrugged his shoulders. "I'm okay with it . . . I'm not jumping up and down and gettin' ready to roll out the red carpet but if he's trying to get help ..."

"So you're able to forgive him?" Fraser asked.

"Yeah . . . I forgave him after the first punch was thrown. I've decided that whole experience was caused by my ol' man." Ray frowned at that last thought.

"What?"

"Fraser, if I ever get like that . . . I mean it's possible for that to happen ya know. I am my father's son and all . . . but if I ever get like that, promise me you won't stand by and passively take the abuse. Promise me you'll get out. I couldn't handle knowing I hurt you." Ray placed a kiss on the center of Fraser's chest and laid his head back down to listen to his heartbeat again.

"Ray, I don't think you're even capable of being like your father. You strive to hard to be the total opposite but I do promise, if that should happen, I will get you help but I can not promise to 'get out'. I will never leave you."

"I guess that's good enough . . . thanks Benny." Ray gave Fraser a gentle squeeze before closing his eyes. "We better get a little sleep before morning. Good night Benny."

"Good night Ray."

The End