<pre>Responsibilities

by Kim Novak

Rated PG to be on the safe side

This is my first attempt to submit anything I've written. Comments and questions would be greatly appreciated. By the way, the only character that's truly mine is Madison. The rest belong to their respective creators. Thank you, kindly!

It was a regular business sized envelope, the kind he saw dozens of everyday. The only unusual aspect of this envelope was that it was addressed directly to him instead of the Canadian Consulate. He turned it over in his hands as he walked over to the window. It was dark already, and he could see some of the city lights spread out below his second story office window. Somehow Chicago had become home- had it really been four years since he had tracked his father's killer to this once-foreign city?

"Yes, son, I've been dead for four years." Ben didn't even look around. He took his father's intrusion as a matter course, much like the Inspector's list of daily chores. As he continued gazing out the window, he tried to remember if he had ever lived in one location for more than two years before this. His grandparents and he had always been moving; that was the nature of a travelling library. Before he lived with his grandparents, he had lived with his mother, and he could not remember where they had lived before she died.

"Dad?" he asked pensively, "Where did Mom and I live?"

"When you were born? Or afterwards?"

"Well, both I suppose. I can't remember anymore." He had been slowly losing his mother for close to twenty-five years now. It barely hurt that he couldn't remember where they lived; it hurt more that he had lost the sound of her voice and almost lost the color of her eyes and hair.

He turned expectantly to face the ghostly image of his father; solid, yet not real. His father was contemplating the question. Ben could see that his father was surprised that Ben could not remember as simple of a thing as where he lived before he was six years old.

"Hm. Well, you were born in Whitehorse, right?" his father replied.

"Um, yes. Either Whitehorse or Fort Mackenzie, I think."

"No, not Fort Mackenzie. That's where I lived when your mother passed away. It must have been Whitehorse. Well, wherever it was, you lived there until you were about a year and a half old, then I think you and your mother came to live with me someplace. Maybe Inuvik. You moved with me for a time."

"Until when?"

"Oh, you must have been about four. You and your mother moved to some town. She was beginning to get sick by that time, son."

"Was Mama sick a long time?" He often slid back into calling his mother Mama when he was thinking about her death. It made him feel like he was six again; small and powerless.

"She wasn't severely ill until the end, but she was sick for almost two years, Benton. Don't you remember?" No, he didn't remember. All he could remember about that time was something had been terribly wrong, and Grandma came to take care of him. Then the morning she died, he could remember running out of the house without his coat and only wearing his house sneakers. His grandma had promised that he wouldn't "go away" like Mama did. It was little use telling his father this. Surely his father knew that Ben could hardly remember that he had once had a mother, let alone the details of her death. He turned back to the window, flipping the envelope absentmindedly in his hands. Gradually, he became aware that he was alone again. He kept thinking about his mother, and what he had told his father once- his father never saw her.

*You never saw her. You never saw who...who she was. You never saw her when she was angry, you never saw her when she was frightened, you never saw her when she was brave or when she was being petty. You never saw her... She didn't deserve better, she deserved you!* (Victoria's Secret)

Eventually his reverie was interrupted by an exuberant shout: "Hey Benny, you gonna work all night?" Ben realized that Ray was yelling from the bottom of the stairs. It must have been later than he thought; the receptionist must have gone home. Ray couldn't come up to his office because there wasn't anyone to unlock the new security gate. He left his office and walked to the head of the staircase.

"I'll be right down, Ray" he yelled back to his best friend. He went back to his office to get his hat, and, shoving the envelope in his front pocket, he descended the stairs to meet his friend.

Detective Ray Vecchio was leaning against the receptionist's desk when Ben reached the first floor.

"Took you long enough. You have dinner yet?"

"No, not yet, Ray."

"For crying out loud, it's nine-thirty! When did you eat lunch- no never mind. I should have known that you haven't eaten. I swear, Fraser," Ray said as he gently pushed his friend out the door, "you would waste away to nothin' without someone around to make sure you eat when you're working overtime. I know you, Benny. If I hadn't said anything, you would have just gone home, cleaned up and went to bed, right? You know something, sleeping on an empty stomach will give you nightmares." Ray continued his monologue as they got into the prized Buick Riviera. Ben smiled slightly as Ray kept up his Italian-influenced chatter about eating "properly" and being a pushover about overtime work.

As Ben got out of the car at the all-night diner that was halfway between his home and Ray's house, he felt the envelope in his pocket. He pulled it out and looked at it when he sat down across from Ray in the booth of the busy diner.

"What's that?" Ray asked.

"I don't know. I haven't opened it yet." he replied as he used his table knife to slice open the envelope. As he read the letter, Ray watched his face pale.

"What? What is it?" Ben didn't respond at all. Ray watched him worriedly. When Ben finally looked up, his eyes were haunted. "Benny?"

Ben shook his head and handed Ray the letter. As Ray read it he felt his stomach sink. No, not again. This lady was not going to turn their lives upside down again. He looked up at Ben and sighed.

"It'll be all right, Benny. Don't worry. Everything's gonna be okay, because..."

"Because this time she can't do anything to me, because I'm not going to let her come anywhere near me." Ben interrupted.

"That would be an excellent idea. Besides, from this letter I gather she's in custody in Seattle. I don't think she will be coming to Chicago."

"I know. I just had to say it so that you know that I have no intention of having anything to do with her."

"Benny, it doesn't look like you have much choice about dealing with her. Unless you can say for absolutely sure that..."

"I can't. As a matter of fact, it's probably true. It's been enough time for...my daughter to be 18 months old." He'd said it, so now it was true. He had a daughter.

"Well. Are you all right? I mean, are you sure about all this? You did the math, right?" Ray asked. Ben shrugged. The idea just seemed so far from real that he was completely overwhelmed.

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know." Ben replied. "Apparently, Victoria has been found, and I would assume she will stand trial..."

"Oh she will, believe me. Don't you worry about that. I'll make absolutely sure of it." Ray interrupted.

"Well, then obviously...Madison will be taken away from her, correct?"

"Definitely. But, Benny, can you be sure she's you're daughter? It's a definite possibility, but how can you be sure? This letter doesn't mention any paternity tests, and I'm pretty sure you have to do something for those. Victoria could be using you again." Like last time, Ray thought.

"Last time," Ben said slowly and flatly as if he had read Ray's mind, "I let her use me. This is different."

"How?"

"No one, no one can use me like that ever again, believe me." Ray believed him. He had seen the walls go up; thick, high walls around Benny's naivete and innocence. He watched Ben's haunted look disappear behind those hard-won walls. Ben rarely showed any emotion, and even this pained reaction probably wasn't visible to anyone except Ray. Whenever anything affected Ben, he hid behind his walls. Ray watched his friend's retreat and remembered once wondering if his friend was human.

*Are you human Benny? Because if you are, human beings feel things, okay? They feel anger, they feel love, they feel lust and sometimes-and I know you don't want to hear this- sometimes they even cry.* (Red, White, or Blue)

Ray understood now that Benny was human. He had just been a simple observer of life and troubles for so long that it was difficult for him to know how to react. Ray, on the other hand, was just too Italian to keep his feelings bottled up for long.

"I think," Ben said suddenly, "I need some time to...consider this... I mean, my, um, situation, here. It might not be in Madison's best interests to come live with me."

"That probably won't matter. If it can be proven that you're her father and that you didn't sign any papers to give sole custody to her mother, or to give her up for adoption, you'll get custody. Whether you CAN take care of Madison probably won't matter; Most judges will rule for the child to go to their birth parent, regardless."

Just then a waitress finally came over to take their orders. Neither man ordered much, and they sat in silence for quite some time after they ordered. When the food came, Ray ate, mostly because he almost always ate when there was food in front of him. Ben just picked at his food and didn't really eat anything.

"I wonder if she's a US citizen?" Ben finally said just to break the silence.

"Well, I think you can assume she was born in Seattle, so probably. I'm sure you'll be told for certain when...if you take her." Ray answered absently.

They settled their checks, and drove home in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. When they reached Ben's apartment building, Ray said "If you need anything- someone to talk, an ice cream sandwich, whatever, ANYTHING, you know where to find me. You won't hesitate to call, will you?"

"No. I'll call if I need anything. I think right now all I need is some sleep- I'm rather tired."

"Well, of course you are! It's not every day you get news like this." Ray said.

"Thank you, Ray," Ben said as he got out of the car. Ray nodded and watched his friend enter the decrepit building, then drove for home.

Ben made his way up the stairs to his third floor apartment. The July heat was stifling, and became more oppressive the higher he climbed. In the summertime, he usually took the elevator, but, as usual, it was broken. He fumbled for his keys as he walked down the hall to his apartment. When he opened the door, Diefenbaker, his wolf, greeted him.

"What? You had your supper, I know you did. Willie came and fed, youhe called and told me. You aren't going to get a second supper out of me, Dief." he said wearily. As he undressed, he felt more tired. The heat made him drowsy, and after turning on the fan, he collapsed on his narrow bed. He looked around at his Spartan apartment. It was only a two room apartment- well, one and a half, really. It was barely large enough for him and Dief. It certainly wasn't large enough for a child, too. The reality of the situation was beginning to sink in, and the more he thought about it, the angrier he became. Why had it taken him this long to discover his child, this Madison Newlyn. He wondered idly when Victoria had become Renee Newlyn. He had never seen any indication that she had ever used an alias. As more thoughts about his child and Victoria continued to make his night a sleepless one, Ben became more and more convinced that his only real and responsible course of action was to take custody of Madison.

"So you finally figured that out, son?" Ben propped his head up on his arms and looked across the room to find his father leaning against his kitchen table.

"You knew, didn't you?" Ben accused.

"Of course I knew. And of course, I couldn't tell you. You have to find SOME things out for yourself, son." Ben smiled humorlessly. "Is she really mine?"

"What do you think? Of course she's really yours- I wouldn't have known about her otherwise," his father replied, somewhat enigmatically. "This is your second chance, son. This is the only way you will ever be able to do right by this woman, or your daughter. I don't understand your love for her, but if you take that little girl, you will fulfill whatever promises you made to her.

"I didn't MAKE any promises," Ben protested.

"Yes, you did, son, yes you did. You promised her your help, and you promised your heart. This little one fulfills your obligations. Madison's the one who deserves your promises, not Victoria." And with that, his father left Ben alone with his thoughts. Ben's thoughts ironically turned back to his mother. He wondered why SHE never came and talked with him. His father had once claimed to have seen his grandmother, but he never said anything about seeing his mother. What would his mother say? He knew that his conversations with his father were mostly, if not entirely, out of his imagination. The most likely reason he never saw his mother was that he had mostly forgotten her. If he took Madison, he wondered, would Madison forget HER mother, too? He knew that she probably would. She would forget the sound of Victoria's voice, forget the color of her hair, and the way she walked. She would forget like he forgot. At least she would have him. She wouldn't be forced off on relatives she hardly knew, and who didn't really want her in the first place. He didn't have any relatives to force her off on, anyway. If he didn't take her, then she would be placed with strangers. Strangers who would probably love her like she was their own daughter, but not family. She would never know who she was, never know about HER family. He couldn't do that to her- he couldn't do that to anyone. Even if she wasn't his, he knew deep in his heart, he would have taken her.

The next morning, Ray knocked on Ben's apartment door before Ben had quite managed to get out of bed. He groaned as Ray yelled "Come on, Benny! We're late!" Ben reached over and snagged his watch to check the time. It was 8:30. That was definitely late, he thought foggily.

"The door's open, Ray," he called as he stumbled around the corner to the small sink and mirror in a small alcove.

"Where are you?" Ray asked as he entered the apartment.

"Back here. I overslept." Ray walked around the corner and leaned against the wall.

"No kidding," he said as he watched Ben splash water over his unshaven face. "Rough night?"

"Yeah," Ben gasped from the cold water.

"When did you get to sleep?"

"I don't know. Maybe five?" Ben ducked past Ray and grabbed his uniform.

"Should I call the Consulate and tell them you're running late?" Ray asked, pulling out his cellular phone.

"Um, what time is it?"

"8:40."

"Yeah, call. Tell them I'll be there by the meeting." Ray called both the Consulate and the Precinct where he worked as Ben finished dressing. By 9, they were on their way to the Consulate.

As they drove, Ray glanced over at Ben and winced. He looked terrible. Dark circles stood out around bloodshot eyes. He was a bit pale and he couldn't seem to keep his eyes open. The adrenaline rush of being late was fading and Ben couldn't seem to stop yawning.

"Are you sure you're going to make it through your day?" Ray asked concernedly.

"What? Oh, sure, I'm fine" Ben answered sleepily.

Ray continued to drive, but watched out of the corner of his eye as Ben fell back asleep.

"Bennnnyyyy, wake uppp" he said.

"What? Oh, I'm sorry Ray. What did you say?"

"How much sleep did you get?"

"Maybe three hours," Ben answered sheepishly.

"That's about what I thought" Ray turned down a side street and headed to his house on the other side of the El tracks. "I'll call you in sick or something- there's no way you're going to make it through the day on three hours of sleep."

"Ray, I have to go to this meeting!" Ben protested.

"All right, what's the meeting about?" He watched as Ben frowned, trying to force his sleep fogged brain to remember. "I didn't think you could tell me. See, Benny, you're better off just not going to work. Your Inspector would fry you if you showed up like this, and then she would hate you even more."

"She doesn't hate me, Ray. It's just...Oh never mind."

"Whatever, Benny. You're just going to have to make do with the spare room at the Vecchio house, because I don't have time to take you home." Ben tiredly nodded his acquiescence.

When Ben finally woke up around 1:30, he was slightly disoriented. The bed in Ray's spare room was a great deal more comfortable than his own bed, and it was much later than he usually woke up, even when he didn't have to work. He didn't think he'd slept this late since his month long stay in the hospital after being shot in the back. Talk about painful memories, he thought sadly. The injury was a non-discussion topic, but Ben knew it was never far from either Ray's mind or his own. Victoria had done that- even if it had been Ray's actions, Victoria was still responsible. He thought briefly about whether taking Madison would be helping or harming Victoria, but decided it didn't matter.

He swung his legs over the side of the bed and contemplated his boots. Going barefoot in the Vecchio household wasn't always a good idea because of all the small children and toys always underfoot. Ben was always amazed that Ray, his mother, his sister, Frannie, and his sister Maria's family of five could all fit under one roof in reasonable harmony. Glancing at the boots and then the floor, he decided to risk his feet and leave off his shoes. He cautiously opened the bedroom door- one could never tell what was on the other side in this house. He had once almost tripped over Grace, the youngest, while exiting the bathroom. It was 1:30, though, and that was lunchtime in the summer.

Ben could hear the usual clamor as he walked down the hall to the kitchen. Madison was 18 months old, he thought. That would make her just about exactly 18 months younger than Grace. Funny how that worked.

"Well, hello sleepy-head," called Ray's mother, Mrs. Vecchio. Ben smiled self consciously as everyone turned to greet him. Last night must have been macaroni and cheese night, because everyone had the leftover casserole on their plates.

"Would you like yours heated up?" Mrs. Vecchio asked Ben as he found a vacant chair at the table. He wasn't terribly hungry, but it would be impolite to refuse.

"No, cold's fine, Mrs. Vecchio. Thank you kindly." Ben picked at his lunch- brunch, really, seeing as he'd never eaten breakfast- as the children and Maria finished lunch and got ready to go swimming. When they had left, Mrs. Vecchio sat down at the table next to Ben.

"Ray said you had a very rough night, and that you wouldn't be able to work today. He wants you to call him. Finish your lunch, though." Ben nodded and put a forkful of macaroni in his mouth. It was rather good, especially cold. "He wouldn't say what was troubling you, though. He said it was your business to tell if you wanted to." Her warm, maternal brown eyes met his blue eyes in parental concern. Ever since Ray had dragged him home for dinner during his first week in Chicago, Mrs. Vecchio had taken a liking to Ben, especially when she discovered that he had no family. Ray's family had come to be a surrogate family to Ben, and Mrs. Vecchio's concern was too strong to resist.

"Oh, Mrs. Vecchio, it's all messed up," he sighed.

"Why?" she asked, and although Ben's first, normal reaction was to clam up, he found himself pouring the whole tale in her lap.

He explained Victoria- how they met when he tracked her down and saved her from freezing almost fifteen years ago. How he arrested her, even though he was more than half out of his mind in love with her. How she had come to Chicago to get revenge for her arrest- ten years of her life. Ben told Mrs. Vecchio about how, in that early summer week, he had almost lost Ray's friendship forever. How he had only thought about himself, only realizing what was happening when it was almost too late. He told her about being arrested for a murder Victoria committed and framed him for, and Ray posting his bail. He told about Victoria's coercion- how she forced him to complete an illegal transaction with stolen money, the consequences being Ray's career and in essence his life. He told her about wrecking her home to find the evidence Victoria intended to use to incriminate Ray- and never thinking about cleaning it up, only stopping Victoria. Finally, he explained how he had almost ruined Ray himself by seriously considering jumping bail to go with Victoria, and how Ray had really saved his life in the process of almost ending it.

All throughout his tale, Mrs. Vecchio sat silently, moving only to cover one of Ben's hands with her own. Her silent acceptance of this painful confession was all Ben needed to continue. He told her about the letter he had received from Seattle the day before, and how it had told him he had a 18 month old daughter named Madison. Then, he explained what he hadn't even told Ray yet- he HAD to take custody of Madison, so he could give her at least the knowledge of two parents, something he had never truly had, even when his own mother had been alive. When he finally wrung out every last word, he discovered that he was practically crying.

"You're doing the right thing, Ben," Mrs. Vecchio said. After awhile, Ben nodded agreement. Mrs. Vecchio stood and patted him on the shoulder as she left him alone in the kitchen. Ben sat motionless, just thinking, for some time. He was still sitting there two hours later when Ray came home. He sat in the seat his mother had vacated and watched his friend expectantly.

"I am..." Ben started, but trailed off as his voice cracked slightly.

"You're taking custody, aren't you?" Ray stated calmly, knowing that it was the only possible answer, given Ben's moral sense.

"Yes," Ben said simply.

"All right, let's figure this out. You're going to take custody of a baby, and you're going to live in THAT apartment?"

"Well, I figured last night that I would have to move. There's just not enough space."

"Where are you going to move to, Benny?" Ray asked.

"There's a house for sale down the street from St. Michael's. I saw it last night when we drove by."

"Where are you going to get the money for it? I guarantee that a house payment will be much more expensive than your rent."

"I have some money left from my father. I guess I've been saving it for an emergency." Ben said.

"I'd say this qualifies. How soon will she be coming? Have you called Seattle and talked to them yet?"

"No, not yet. I guess they'll tell me when I call, won't they?"

"There's no time like the present to find out," Ray said as he leaned over to pick up the phone. "Do you have the number?"

Ben pulled the much-crumpled letter from his pocket, and read off the number. Ray dialed and handed the phone to him.

"Children's Services, Seattle Washington. How can I help you?" A cheerful voice asked.

"Yes, um, my name is Benton Fraser, and I received a letter yesterday that says that I have a daughter in your custody?" Ben said hesitantly.

"Just one moment, sir, I'll transfer you to the correct department."

"Thank you kindly." Ben waved his hand to tell Ray that he was on hold. Ray nodded.

"Melissa Patricks."

"Um, yes, my name is Benton Fraser, and I received a letter from your department yesterday..."

"About a paternity suit?" She interrupted.

"Well, no, not exactly. The letter just says that I am the father of Madison Newlyn and that her mother can't take care of her anymore."

"Ohh, the Newlyn case! Could you hang on a minute- I need a file."

"Sure."

"All right, Constable. First, let me explain who I am. I am the social worker assigned to your case. That basically means that I am the person you will be talking to about your daughter for the time being, okay?"

"Yes."

"Good. So your case is, well, different. The difficulties with your case are that you are a Canadian and the child's mother is a US citizen. There appears to be some confusion as to your daughter's nationality because we don't have a birth certificate. Therefore, we don't know where your daughter was born, or her birthdate, for that matter. I would assume the mother knows, but I have not been permitted to speak with her."

"Why not?"

"She's been arrested on DUI charge, and apparently there are some other charges pending."

"Um, yes. I was aware of that."

"Okay. Well, that's why I don't have much information. We know her name because she told us, but she couldn't tell us anything else. The age is the only information the police relayed to me from the mother."

"I see," Ben said. Ray raised his eyebrows. Ben waved his hand for a piece of paper and a pen. He continued to listen to the social worker as he wrote out the basic conversation. The conversation lasted for another forty-five minutes. When Ben handed the phone back to Ray so he could hang it up, he sighed.

"Well?" Ray asked.

"They would like it if I could take custody by the end of the month. And, because I'm reasonably sure that I AM the father, I can waive the paternity tests."

"Are you going to?"

"Um-hm," Ben nodded. "It'll make things quicker."

"So, Madison will be here in two weeks?"

"Most likely, yes. I didn't give a definite answer because I want to see if I can get some time off work to, well, adjust for all this."

"Good idea. Um, Benny, I don't think you're going to be able to find a house and all in two weeks."

"No, I guess not." Ben sighed as he thought about this. This was turning out to be slightly more complicated than he had originally thought.

"Hang on a minute- You know, you might as well stay for dinner, now. I'll be right back." Ben watched as Ray bounded out of the room. A few minutes later, Ray was back. "I've just solved at least ten of your immediate problems."

"How?" Ben asked warily.

"You can move in here until you find a house. You can stay in the spare room, and Madison can stay in Grace's room. Maria also says she'll watch Madison during the day, so that solves your day care problems, and we can come up with everything else when we need to." Ray explained.

Ben just stared at his friend. "You approve?"

"Of course I do. If you need to do this, then I'm gonna be with you. I'm not about to let you try to handle this all on your own. Besides, you've pretty well much been adopted around here, and family's got to take care of their own."

Ben blinked and smiled up at his friend. "Thank you, Ray"

After two weeks of hurried preparation, Ben and Ray found themselves by an arrival gate at O'Hare. Ben was nervously playing with the paper with all the necessary information about Madison's arrival. Finally, the correct plane landed, and began to disembark. A tall woman carried a young girl over to where the two men were standing. When she came within five feet of them, she put the girl down and extended her hand.

"Constable Fraser, I'm Melissa Patricks. And this is Madison Newlyn."

Ben looked at the little girl and was barely aware of Ray's whispered "Oh my God." The thin girl had short cropped brown hair with almost auburn highlights. She looked up at Ben who had the feeling he was looking at a baby photograph of himself. There was now no question in his mind that Madison was his daughter because she looked exactly like him. He tilted his head slightly and smiled. Madison smiled back with the same almost shy smile. He bent down to her level and said

"Hello, Madison."

"Daddy?" her high, childlike voice piped. Ben blinked back tears as he nodded, and reached out to hug his little girl.

END