Standard Disclaimer. I own them. (No, you don't.) Yes I do. (No, you don't.) Do too. (Do not). All right fine, I don't own them. But don't you wish I did? Please send comments, questions, compliments, and otters to sdelcul@mail.com.
Special thanks and a pot of mums to jamiemsimpson@hotmail.com, for giving me permission to borrow some lines from Conspirare, a Sentinel slash piece. They appear in the middle of the last section.
Also much thanks to "Dr. Kobeszko."
Saltimbocca alla romana is slices of veal rolled with ham and sage and fried.
Ray followed Fraser into the small apartment. "So Fraser."
"Yes, Ray?"
"What was it you wanted to tell me?"
"Well, you're my best friend, Ray."
Ray smiled at him. "Yeah, I know, You're my best friend too, Benny."
"And we've been friends for several years now . . . "
"So . . . "
"And over the years I feel that we've become closer than friends."
"What are you trying to say?"
"I love you, Ray."
"I love you too, Fraser. And so do Ma and Maria and Tony and the kids and of course Frannie. You've got a family now. Whether you want 'em or not."
"No, you don't understand. I . . . "
"You what?"
"I love you."
Fraser didn't need to be a mind reader to read the expressions shifting moving passing across Ray's expressive face. At first only polite confusion, then dawning comprehension and shock, finally transforming into anger and horror as Ray stood, immobilized. Suddenly Ray stumbled out the door with a gasp, leaving Fraser to his own horror.
He stared at the door for several moments before moving, almost collapsing onto the floor. Standing, thinking, even feeling seemed to take energy: energy he didn't have anymore. Then the pain hit. It was physical, like all the muscles in his body were contracting mercilessly. Still he couldn't cry, not yet. Breathing was difficult. His mouth opened, as if about to scream but he didn't make a sound. In his mind he saw Ray's face as he left and it made him want to die.
Sometime later his eyes opened of their own accord. He blinked and the ceiling of his Spartan apartment focused. Getting ready by habit he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror: red bloodshot eyes, puffy as if he'd been crying, face paler than usual with a multitude of lines that hadn't been there the day before. Overall he looked ten years older.
He couldn't be sure if what he remembered was a nightmare or reality. Only when Ray was there to pick him up, as always, was he sure that it had been a nightmare.
". . . I'll be meeting with the Mexican ambassador tomorrow so you'll need to . . . Constable?"
He startled. "Yes sir?"
"Are you ill, Constable?"
"Ah, no sir. I'm fine."
"All right. As I was saying, you'll need to . . ."
"Hey Benny. Where do you want to go for dinner? Benny?"
He realized Ray was talking to him. "Yes, Ray?"
"You okay?"
"Fine, Ray."
"Chinese okay? Fraser? Hey, Benny, you sure you're okay?"
"Yes, Ray. I'm okay and Chinese is fine."
Ray watched him throughout dinner. Normally Ray did most of the talking but usually Fraser at least participated in the conversation. He felt like he was talking to himself.
"So Benny, you wanna watch the game at my house?"
"I'm sorry, Ray. Could you take me home?"
Something was definitely wrong and Ray intended to find out what. "Sure Fraser."
"You WHAT?!!" Ray raised a fist then abruptly decided differently. "Stay away from me Fraser. I never want to see you again."
"Ray-"
"Fuori! Get out!"
"No, Ray, wait please!"
"Morning Benny." He can't be sleeping, Ray thought. He looks sick. "You coming for dinner tonight? Ma's cooking saltimbocca alla romana."
"Ah, no Ray. I think I'm going to stay here."
"You sure?"
"Yes, maybe another day. Say hello to your mother, though."
"Sure, Benny."
"Oh my GOD! I should have let you go with her, or aimed better. You are disgusting!"
"Constable." Inspector Thatcher was becoming rather annoyed. "Constable Fraser!"
"Wha-yes sir?"
She looked at him pointedly. "Are you daydreaming, Constable?"
"Uh, no sir. I was just . . ." He looked up at her then down again. "I haven't been sleeping well, sir."
"Go home, Fraser. You're no good like this. Don't come back until you are well enough to perform your duties."
"Chicago P.D., 27th district. Can I help you?"
"Ah yes. How are you Elaine?"
"I'm fine. How are you Fraser?"
"Fine as well. I'd like to leave a message for Ray."
"Um, he's right here, would you like to speak to him?"
"Ah no. That's all right. Could you just tell him that I'm leaving early and -"
"--and that he wouldn't need a ride tonight."
"Thanks Elaine." He sighed. Something strange was going on, Fraser'd been acting funny all week and now this. "Hey Elaine?" She turned around halfway back to her desk. "Did he sound all right to you?"
"What do you mean?"
"Did he sound like himself?"
"I guess so. Is something wrong? Did you two have a fight?" Her voice was becoming accusatory.
I hope not. I don't know. "No, nothing's wrong. Just wondering."
"All right then."
"Thanks."
"I love you, Ray."
"So what 'd the Dragon Lady make you do this time? Stand sentry again?"
"Didn't you hear me, Ray? I said, 'I love you.'"
"And did I tell you, little Tony's running for class president. Looks like he's gonna win."
"Ray, you're not listening. I. Love. You."
"And Frannie's got a new scheme for a business. Sees Edward Scissor Hands and she decides to sell Avon door-to-door."
"I love you, Ray." He woke up whispering the words over and over. He'd said them so much that his throat was sore.
The next morning he couldn't think about seeing Ray. It would be too hard not to tell him and he'd want an explanation. He could already feel another headache coming on and the aspirin had stopped working days ago.
"Yes, sir. I'm fine now. Fit as a fiddle."
"All right Constable. Don't let me down."
"I won't sir. Thank you kindly."
Ray was there, waiting for him when he got off so there was no away to avoid him. Better to pretend not to be avoiding him, he thought. Act normally.
Ray watched in frustration as Fraser go into the Riv with a grimace. "Another headache?"
Fraser just nodded then leaned his head against the cool of the window and closed his eyes. "I'll be okay, Ray."
"Sure you will, Fraser, sure you will."
Ray dropped him off and drove around trying to calm down and think. Deciding it had been long enough he pulled a U-turn and gunned the engine back to 221 W. Racine.
It was early but Fraser had gone to bed hoping to find sleep. When Ray walked into the apartment, he was startled to find the lights off and his friend in bed. Remembering that bright lights and loud noises were not what Fraser needed he stepped closer to his friend, who was obviously in the grips of a nightmare.
"Fraser, wake up. It's just a bad dream. Come on, wake up now."
Fraser didn't awaken. He continued trying but it was no use. Growing scared because he could not awaken his friend, he called 911.
"Mr. Vecchio?"
The doctor was calling his name. "Yes, I'm Detective Vecchio."
"I'm Dr. Kobeszko. You brought Mr. Fraser in." It was a statement, not a question.
"He's a Constable actually, Royal Canadian Mounted Police."
"A Mountie? In Chicago?"
"Yes. He first came to Chicago on the trail of the killers of his father and for reasons that don't need exploring at this juncture he has remained attached as deputy liaison officer with the Canadian Consulate."
"Okay. Are you his partner?"
"Unofficially. Is he okay?"
"As much as I can tell you-"
"I'm his medical contact."
"Well then. He's much better. He's resting comfortably now."
"What's wrong with him?"
"Aside from a lack of sleep and not eating right, he'll probably have a bit of a headache when he wakes up."
"What happened?"
"Something stressful in his life has been causing him to not eat and not be able to sleep. I don't suppose you would know what that would be?" She watched his face. "Of course not. Well, we're going to keep him upstairs overnight for observation after which you'll probably be able to take him home. If you would like to see him . . . ?"
"It's okay?"
"I'd rather not use sedatives to make him sleep and unless he can tell you what's bothering him I'll be forced to."
"Thanks Doc. I'll do my best."
"You scared me, Benny. Tell me what's going on, please? I love you too much to go through that again."
It took his nightmare-muddled mind a moment to interpret Ray's words. "I, I love you too, Ray."
They stared at each other until Ben's uncontrollable yawn broke the moment.
"Go to sleep, Benny. I'll be here when you wake up." He placed a gentle kiss to Fraser's temple.
"But Ray, visiting hours." Fraser mumbled, half asleep already.
"I explained to them how visiting hours don't apply to me."
"Ray, I'm sure that visiting hours . . . " He tried to stop another yawn.
"Benny?"
"Yes Ray?"
"I love you but shut up and go to sleep."
"Understood."