Elaine glanced up at the clock, swore under her breath and looked away. It didn't work. When she looked again the time was pretty much the same. The big hand on three, the little hand just a fraction past the twelve. And it was Friday afternoon. She glared at the inoffensive clock. Every Friday she went through the same routine. Every time she swore it would be the last, she was just wasting her time. Breaking her heart for nothing. Every week she ended up doing it again.
She muttered under her breath and turned to her computer. What she had started three months ago, full of hope and purpose had become a chore. One she was now convinced was pointless. But giving up on it would mean giving up her last hope, and she simply wasn't ready to do that. Not yet. Not while she was still breathing. She glanced across at Ray Vecchio.
As usual he was sitting with his elbows on his desk, his head buried in his hands. He knew what she'd be doing. She didn't like to think what it would do to him, if she ever gave up. Well, she wasn't ready to find out this week. With a sigh, she began to type.
*
God, how he hated Fridays. Most people looked forward to the end of the week, but not him. Not when he knew what Elaine did every Friday afternoon. He could hear the quiet tapping of her keyboard. Soon the sound would stop and he would look over at her, at she'd shake her head, her face showing a mixture of disappointment and sympathy that was almost unbearable. Three months and she hadn't given up hope. Sometimes he wished she would, maybe then he'd be able to give up too. Maybe it would be easier not to hope. Maybe it would be easier not to breathe.
A muffled shriek from Elaine's direction made his head snap up, but she'd already left her desk in a dash for the printer. His heart began to race, but he didn't move. Caught between shock and a superstitious dread, he watched Elaine snatch a single sheet of paper from the printer and hurry over to him, waving it triumphantly. It wasn't possible. Not after three months.
It was possible. An eight line column in some Canadian backwoods newspaper from a couple of months ago. Somehow it had been picked up by the Yukon News in Whitehorse. Which was the last place Benny had been seen before he disappeared three months ago.
*
Dinner was silent. Ben shifted uncomfortably in his chair, then abruptly stood and began to clear the table, deliberately ignoring the fact that Steve was still picking at his food. He carried the plates over to the kitchen and began stacking them ready to wash, taking no care to be quiet, as he usually would. God knew he had no problem with silence, but sometimes Steve's silences were surprisingly loud. And very uncomfortable. He hated them. If he was honest with himself, he'd have to admit they frightened him. He wished he had the courage to talk to Steve about it, but he told himself he already knew what it was about. Which was true enough, as far as it went.
A hand dropped onto his shoulder, startling him.
"Leave them. You cooked, I'll clean." Steve sounded irritated.
"It's all right. You've been working all day, after all."
"I said leave it!" Steve snatched the plate out of his hand.
Ben shrugged and moved away, not willing to fight about something so trivial.
"Ben..." Steve came after him, touching his shoulder again. This time he was ready for it and remained still, but he couldn't help the sudden tension in his muscles. After a moment Steve walked past him, out of the kitchen. He went back to washing the dishes.
When he'd finished he went into the lounge, somewhat reluctantly. Steve was reading a magazine, the TV turned off. It was a conciliatory gesture, Steve knew how much Ben hated the TV. Ben sat, leafed through another magazine. He couldn't have said what it was about. The silence was even more oppressive than before. Finally, Ben shoved himself out of the chair and headed for the front door.
Steve came up beside him. "Where are you going?"
"The bar." Ben avoided Steve's eyes.
Silence. Steve went back to the lounge.
*
It took all of the twenty minute walk into town for Ben to regain his equilibrium. He walked briskly in spite of the heat, unseasonable this early in Spring, glad of the time it would give him to shake off his bad humour, and to argue away his feelings of guilt. Steve kept telling him he was under no obligation, but somehow it never seemed to ring true. So, when things got too difficult, he'd escape to the bar, even though he knew Steve hated him going there. Maybe because he knew it. But Steve never said a word about it.
Entering the bar, Ben noticed the stranger immediately. He nodded briefly to the locals, a show of respect. He knew he was only tolerated, you had to be born in a town like this to really belong. Even Steve, who'd lived here for ten years, wasn't regarded as a local.
He took a seat at the bar and ordered a beer. When it came, he waited a while. The first sip was always the best, and he wasn't much of a drinker. Aware he was being watched, he didn't bother to look. It wouldn't be the local people, it could only be the stranger. He took his time with the beer, but when he'd finished it, he ordered another. As it was handed over, the barman nodded towards the stranger, seated in a booth against the west wall.
"Been asking about you. American."
Ben stifled a sigh. Someone else who'd read that newspaper story. There'd been quite a few who'd come just to look at the latest curiosity. Some of them had wanted to do more than just look. He took the beer to a table where he could watch the stranger unobtrusively.
About his own height, Ben thought, but slender. He was wearing jeans and a khaki shirt that didn't look like they belonged on him. A city boy, probably. Hair buzz cut to disguise the fact he was balding, and with a face dominated by a nose of generous proportions. Ordinary enough, he supposed, but somehow he had a feeling that this guy might be trouble. Right now all he was doing was trying to watch without being noticed and doing a reasonable job of it, if only Ben hadn't been so good at picking up on these things.
Ben had almost finished the second beer before he decided on action. He looked directly at the stranger, who seemed to be staring into his own drink. Ben wasn't fooled. After a moment, the other man looked up, his eyes meeting Ben's.
Without making a conscious decision, Ben stood and walked over to sit opposite the stranger. The man's green eyes widened.
"Aren't you going to introduce yourself?"
The American blinked suddenly. "Ray Vecchio." He didn't hold out his hand.
"Mine's Ben. You passing through?"
Vecchio seemed startled. "Staying a few days. You?"
"I live here."
"Oh. Lived here long?"
Ben sighed impatiently. "Let's cut the crap." Vecchio blinked again. "You saw that newspaper article, you thought I might be your long lost brother or cousin. Or you just wanted to see the freak who lost his memory. Now you've seen him. You can go."
Vecchio leaned back in his chair. "Sorry pal, I don't know what the hell you're talking about."
Ben frowned, sure the other man was lying. It didn't make any difference though. He was pretty sure he knew what Vecchio wanted. He might even get it. Ben finished his beer in silence.
"Want another one?" Vecchio was watching him carefully, as though he might suddenly explode. Ah, what the hell. But a third beer wasn't a good idea.
"Wouldn't you rather go somewhere more private?" His tone made it clear enough what he meant, but the American simply stared at him blankly. Ben shrugged. Maybe he'd been telling the truth after all. Ben shoved back his chair.
Vecchio stood hurriedly. "I've got a room upstairs..." His voice trailed off as Ben shook his head.
"Not upstairs."
Ben turned and led the way out of the main door, around the side of the building. There was a small alley running along the back of the bar. It wasn't the first time Ben had taken someone there, but this time his heart was pounding and he was very aware of the slight extra warmth at his back. He led the way into the alley and turned. Vecchio had stopped a couple of paces back. They stared at each other, then Vecchio stepped forward.
At the last moment they both hesitated and Ben felt the other man's breath warm on his cheek. He closed the tiny gap between them and took possession of his mouth. Within moments, it was impossible to tell who was possessing who. The American's warm tongue ravaged his mouth and left him gasping for breath while he struggled to return the favour. When their mouths finally parted, Vecchio was leaning against him, shaking, and Ben was gripping the rough wall behind him with desperate fingers, just to keep himself upright.
The American pushed himself away, just a little, his eyes wide and fixed on Ben's, then he placed his hands beside Ben's on the wall and leaned in again. It was no less intense this time, the blood pulsed scalding hot through Ben's veins, his head felt like it was spinning dizzily. He brought up his hands to push the stranger away and instead caught two fistfuls of his clothing and dragged him even closer. He felt a strong slender thigh slide between his own, pressing insistently against his balls.
Ben changed his grip on the smaller man's clothing and began to unbutton his shirt as fast as his shaking hands would allow him. Vecchio began to do the same for him, while not for an instant letting go of his mouth, or removing his thigh. It didn't take long after all, Ben pulled the khaki shirt open, dragging it out of the jeans and pushed up the white undershirt. He touched the heated skin beneath with some hesitation.
Incredible sensation. It was almost as if he'd never touched anyone this way before. Perhaps he hadn't... the other people, men or women, he'd brought down this alley in the last three months had been content with quick, simple sex and he hadn't wanted anything more than that, using his hands to satisfy them, not allowing them to do more than respond in the same fashion. None of them had had this kind of effect on him.
They were pressed closely together now, bare chest to bare chest, their hips grinding urgently together, hardly in control of their actions. They couldn't do this here. Ben pushed his companion away with an effort. Vecchio just stared at him blankly, his chest heaving.
"Your room. Where is it?"
The American blinked rapidly, then slowly delved in his pocket and pulled out a key. He didn't speak.
Ben looked at the tag. He'd worked a few days in the hotel, cleaning, when one of the regular staff was sick. He knew where the room was and the best way to get there. He grabbed a strong wiry arm and dragged the other man after him.
Luckily they didn't meet anyone on the way, since their shirts were still hanging open, and their undershirts pulled out of their jeans. It seemed to take an agonisingly long time for Vecchio to unlock the door and then they tumbled into the room, their hands once more busily removing each other's clothing.
They ended up on the bed, shirts and undershirts left behind somewhere on their journey from the door, no more than a few steps away, their pants and underwear down around their knees. Ben caught a brief glimpse of a dark cock rising eagerly above a honey coloured belly and then fell forward onto the other man's body. Then it was all heat and thrusting and sobbing grunts as they raced towards a furious climax.
*
At first Ray was only aware of a warm weight pinning him to the bed, then he remembered. Benny. Alive, well, and apparently with no memory of his past whatsoever. Here, in his bed. His mind went into overdrive. Confused memories of what they'd done... Ray drew in a deep breath. He couldn't believe Benny would do something like that. Picking up a complete stranger in a bar. He couldn't believe he'd accepted, for that matter.
Still, for the moment all he cared about was that he'd found Benny. The rest they'd have to deal with later. When Benny got his memory back. If he got his memory back... the last time it had only taken a few hours. This time, he'd been lost for three months and he obviously hadn't got it back. What the hell were they going to do if it never happened?
It was a while before Benny moved restlessly against him. Ray kept still, his right arm still loosely clasped about the muscular waist and waited. Then the other man lifted his head and Ray turned to meet familiar blue eyes watching him warily.
Ray swallowed, and managed a faint grin. "I guess you better call me Ray, now."
The blue eyes darkened and Ben shifted, pushing himself up and swinging his legs, still tangled in his jeans, over the edge of the bed. He dropped his head in his hands.
"Are you OK, Benny?"
The dark head lifted, blue eyes stared at him over a pale shoulder. "Benny?"
Ray swallowed and shrugged slightly.
Ben lowered his head into his hands again. "Would you believe me if I said I didn't usually do this?"
"Why not? You think I do?"
Their eyes met again and Ray sat up. His fingers stroked the broad pale back, lingering slightly over the scar beside Ben's spine. Ben turned to face him, breaking the contact, and they stared at each other for a long moment. Finally it was Ray who leaned forward and initiated the kiss.
This time, Ray fought the urge to simply roll Ben onto his back and trust mindlessly into his groin. The feelings were no less intense, but he knew he didn't want that again. With a little co-operation they managed to remove what was left of their clothing. He dropped Ben's shorts over the edge of the bed and turned back to look at him.
His fingers wandered over the fair skin, gently investigating hardened nipples and smooth skin. Ben caught his breath and reached up for another long kiss. Like magnets, their bodies were drawn together again. Every few minutes, Ray managed to pry himself away far enough to continue his investigation briefly. He ended up lying pressed against Ben's side, his legs wrapped around Ben's thigh, their cocks, one pale, one dark, lying side by side on Ben's belly.
Their eyes met again, and Ben began a slow stroking of Ray's cock, while Ray caressed the hard pale shaft, watching as the foreskin slowly drew back. It simply wasn't enough. Ray shifted, crouching between Ben's legs, and took the cock into his mouth in one swift movement. Ben groaned as his hips bucked uncontrollably and Ray shifted again to hold him down. After that one sound, Ben moved beneath him in a hard-breathing silence until the urge to thrust nearly overcame him again.
Ray pulled back. This wasn't going to work, they were both too close to losing control. His cock ached savagely. With a muffled curse he almost threw himself over the edge of the bed, searching for his jeans. The wallet was in the back pocket. And in the wallet... he held up a slim foil wrapper and met Ben's eyes. They widened suddenly, a quick gasp, and then a nod. That was all. It was all Ray needed.
His hands were trembling as he coaxed the condom on. Luckily it was lubricated, because there was certainly nothing in the room they could use. With a reckless disregard that shocked him later, Ray fell forward across Ben and guided himself to the opening of Ben's body. It took a while before he was completely inside. Ben's eyes were staring. Scared Ray thought, but it was hard to tell. God, he was scared enough for both of them.
But now the nervousness was evaporating in the heat of their desire. Ben's body began lifting to meet his thrusts, their bodies sliding wetly against each other. His own breathing drowning out almost all else, Ray closed his eyes and gave himself up to it. Ben's gasping moans cut through even that after a while and Ray felt strong legs wrap tightly around his hips. A tight clutch at his cock sent him reeling into overload.
*
The American was still sleeping, city boy that he was, and Ben was glad of it. He disentangled himself from the long lean figure and left the bed. It was almost dawn, well past the time when he should have left. It scared him that he could react in this way to a man he'd known only a few hours. Even now, they'd hardly spoken more than a dozen sentences to each other. He glanced back at the bed. The stranger, Ray he reminded himself, had bruises on him from their night together. He was in no better state.
Slowly, quietly as possible, he began to dress. All he wanted to do now was to get away from here. He could avoid the bar for a few nights. The stranger would leave, and his life would become his own again. As far as that was even possible.
A stirring from the bed put paid to that idea. Ray was raising himself onto his elbow. He too, looked shaken and unsure of himself. That didn't stop him from getting off the bed and walking over to him. They didn't kiss. They didn't even touch, but Ben could feel his breath quickening all the same. Ray looked him in the eyes, soberly.
"Can I see you tonight?" The voice was low, uncertain.
Ben glanced away, but nodded briefly. So much for that plan... He had to leave, or they'd be making love again. And since when had having sex with a stranger changed, in his mind at least, to making love? He pulled on his shirt hurriedly and left.
Walking home, he cursed himself for his weakness. It would be much better if he never saw Ray Vecchio again. But he'd given his word. And he knew, with a sick, hot feeling in his guts, that he'd be back at the bar tonight, no matter how much it upset Steve...
What the hell was he going to tell Steve?
*
In the end, he hadn't had to tell Steve anything. Even in a house the size of Steve's, his all night absence could hardly fail to be noticed. It wasn't as though Steve didn't know what Ben did when he went to the bar. The whole town probably knew. But he'd never stayed the night with one of his pick-ups.
Steve didn't say a word to him. Not that morning. Not in the evening either. Or when he washed the dishes and then pulled on a clean shirt and headed for the door.
The wolf was waiting for him on the road. It had bothered him at first, but he'd grown accustomed to it eventually. Every few days it would turn up to check on him and then disappear again. One of the Inuit had told him it was his spirit guide, and that seemed as good an explanation as any. They exchanged a long look and then it turned away and he continued his walk into town.
He didn't even bother going into the bar. He didn't want to see their knowing looks anyway. And he knew that Ray would be waiting in his room. Waiting for him.
*
Benny was sleeping again, but Ray lay awake. It appeared that any desire to sleep had been burned out of him. It didn't seem possible that he could feel so much, or that making love with someone could tear him apart the way it did when he made love with Benny. He looked across at the solid shape sprawled in the bed beside him. He'd expected that tonight it would have been easier, calmer. If anything the sex had been even more intense, more... frantic than the previous night.
He was exhausted from making love and still his body reacted at every movement of the man beside him. A man who looked like Benny, and spoke like Benny, but wasn't. He couldn't even imagine making love with Benny the way he made love with this man. It shocked him, scared him half to death, and the thought of it ending was more than he could bear.
As the sky began to lighten outside the window, Ben woke. Sometime during the night, he had shifted closer until he was pressed close against Ray's side. As Ben stirred and turned, Ray summoned up a smile.
"Morning, Benny." Without thinking, he kissed the tantalising mouth so close to his own.
The kiss was returned, rapidly deepening into something more. Soon their sweating, straining bodies were locked against each other and Ben was reaching for the pack of condoms Ray had bought the previous day. It was already more than half empty.
*
Steve had already left by the time Ben got home. And that was probably just as well, because Ben felt like his whole body was just one gigantic nerve ending. It was a relief to simply fall into a bed that was empty of any other body and sleep. He was still sleeping when Steve returned.
The first thing he was aware of was the covers being pulled off him. Steve was standing by the bed looking down at him, his face a mask which didn't quite hide his anger, or the desire beneath.
"Look at yourself. Look at what he's done to you, Ben. How can you let him?"
He didn't need to look. "It's not his fault, Steve. I do the same to him."
Steve tossed the covers back across him and walked out of the room.
*
It was late, much later than the night before, when Ray heard the soft tapping on his door. His heart in his mouth, Ray called out permission to enter. It was Ben.
Ray was out of the armchair and across the room before he had time to take in the expression on the other man's face. It was Ben's hands that stopped him, a few inches from his goal.
"No, Ray. That's not why I'm here." Ben's voice was rough.
Ray forgot to breathe as the world seemed to crumble around him. "What do you mean, Benny?"
"I've come to tell you it's over. I can't do this any more." Ben's eyes dropped suddenly, but not before Ray saw the lost look in them.
He managed to keep his voice calm with an effort. "Why?"
"I talked to Steve tonight..." Ben threw him a quick look. He'd mentioned Steve once, during one of the few, brief, conversations they'd had. "Well, we had an argument, actually... I owe him so much. Everything I have, he's given me. Even my name. And I can't get enough work to live on, not around here..."
Ray held his temper in with an effort. "And now he wants payment?"
"It's not like that!" But Ben's voice was defensive.
"Benny..."
"Don't call me that!" Ben stopped, breathing hard. "I don't know who this Benny of yours is... or who you think I am, but I'm not Benny."
Ray stared at him, shocked into sense at last. "No. I'm sorry. Can we just talk about it?" He went back to the armchair and sat down.
Some of the tension left Ben's body. He went over to the window and perched on the sill. "He asked me what a stranger could give me that he couldn't. I didn't have any answer for him, Ray."
"You don't want to. Isn't that enough of an answer?"
Ben sighed. "It's not that easy. Steve accused me of being a coward. He thinks the reason I won't sleep with him is that I'm afraid of what would happen if it didn't work out. He might be right."
Ray was silent. Now that he'd finally started thinking instead of reacting, all sorts of questions were occurring to him. Most of all, how it was that Steve had known, or guessed, Benny's name. And although he hated the idea of Benny sleeping with Steve, he knew he couldn't even try to talk him out of it. To Benny, he was no more than a stranger, not to be trusted or confided in. The most he could hope to do was to leave the door open for Benny to come back. And investigate the man who had such a hold over his friend.
"Well, good luck, Benny... Ben. I'll be around for a few more days. If you need any help, just come over, OK?"
Ben looked at him silently for a moment, and it took all his self control not to respond to the lost, almost frightened look in his eyes. "Thank you, Ray."
The hell with self control. Ray stood and went over to hug him. "I know you don't really know me... but I am a friend. Don't forget that."
*
Walking back to what had been his home for the last three months, Ben finally acknowledged that he'd almost been hoping that Ray would try to talk him out of this. Now he'd committed himself and he'd have to go through with it... and he was beginning to think that Steve had been absolutely right about his fears. If this didn't work out, he'd be completely alone.
The lights were still on inside Steve's house. Ben stood on the road for a few minutes, steeling himself to go in.
"Ben. How did it go?"
Steve was openly relieved that he'd come back. He came over and put a hand on Ben's shoulder, standing too close.
"It was all right. Ray understood, I think. After all, he's only here for a few days." Ben couldn't quite meet Steve's eyes. He hesitated a moment and then turned his head slightly to brush Steve's lips with his own.
The eagerness of Steve's response bothered him a little. He drew back. But there was no point in putting this off. He'd allowed complete strangers to paw him in a back alley. He'd allowed Ray, another stranger, to make love to him again and again for the last two nights, so why was it so difficult to make love to the man who had saved his life and cared for him and become his friend?
He moved forward, putting his arms around Steve's shoulders and opening his mouth to him. It was strange to kiss Steve. After the last two days and nights of being with Ray, he'd become accustomed to Ray's scent and taste, Ray's slender frame. Steve was a much larger man, closer to his own size and weight. Steve's hands came up between them and began to unbutton his shirt.
Ben freed his mouth with some difficulty. "Perhaps we should go to your room, Steve."
"I thought you'd never ask." Steve smiled at him.
*
It hadn't taken Ray long to find out Steve's surname, or the fact that he'd come here from Alaska ten years before, bought himself a house and started a tourist business running wilderness treks. He had a finger in a few other pies too, but nothing that Ray could see was suspicious. Of course the locals probably wouldn't tell a visitor things like that. A few quick phone calls to Chicago ought to fill in any gaps. It wasn't until later that evening that he remembered the time they'd been lost in the Canadian wilderness and Ben had called him Steve.
Dammit, he should have done this two days ago.
*
Ben watched as Steve finished the last of his dinner. He'd made a special effort to cook something Steve liked, and obviously it had been appreciated. He took the plates through to the kitchen and began to stack them. He should have known that Steve would follow him in there too. Arms slid around him from behind and lips brushed across the back of his neck.
"Thanks Ben. It was delicious." A hand began to unfasten his shirt buttons and then moved inside, toying with his nipple.
Ben relaxed back against the solid body. "I've made dessert..."
Steve's laughter shook him. "Oh, Ben. You're the only dessert I want. Come to bed."
Hips pushed forward against his buttocks, emphasising Steve's erection and he sighed. With a quick twist, Ben turned in Steve's arms and kissed his lips, wanting only to lose himself in it. Hands stroked his back, his buttocks, pulling him closer. For moment he thought Steve was going to pull him down to the floor and make love to him there.
"I thought you wanted to go to bed."
Steve grinned, unfastening his shirt some more. "Bed. Floor. Kitchen counter... I don't mind."
"Bed." Firmly.
By the time they got there most of his clothes, and Steve's, had been removed. Hot, possessive hands roamed over his body teasing, stroking, arousing. Steve's tongue invaded his mouth and Steve's body covered him. He writhed beneath the unaccustomed weight, pushing up against the burning brand of Steve's erection. Pushing... pushing... and then struggling, almost panic stricken, against the claustrophobic sensation of being enveloped in Steve's embrace.
Steve wasn't letting go. Wouldn't back off, this time. Finally he won free and sat up, gasping for breath.
"Dammit, Ben! You'll put out like any whore for a stranger. What's wrong with me?"
The words stung, and he couldn't meet Steve's eyes. "Nothing. There's nothing wrong with you, Steve. It's me."
"Why? Why Ben?" Steve's voice was back to normal, except for the hurt in it.
Ben shook his head. "I don't know. I can't do this, Steve."
"Ben." Steve's voice softened still further. "It's only been a couple of days. Give it some time. You're still all worked up over that guy. It'll be OK."
He didn't resist when Steve drew him gently down and just held him. He didn't sleep either.
*
There was a tap on the door, but Ray didn't imagine for a moment that it was the one he was hoping for. And it wasn't.
"Ray, what are you doing up here? Go down to the bar. First drink's on the house."
He smiled politely but unenthusiastically at the landlady. "Thanks, Sharon. I think I'll pass."
"Oh, come on. You've been hiding up here for the last two evenings." Sharon looked at him speculatively. "I think you should come down. The company's good."
Something about her tone caught his attention. "What are you talking about?"
"Can't you just take a hint?" She grinned at him. "There's a beautiful young man down in the bar looking very unhappy."
He was already halfway out the door.
Ben was sitting at the bar nursing a beer. He didn't move when Ray sat down beside him. Ray ordered a beer, and waited for the barman to move away.
"Does everyone know about us?"
Ben shrugged slightly. "Probably."
When Ben didn't say anything else, Ray fell into silence. His beer arrived and he took a sip. Ben still hadn't touched his.
"You wanna talk? We could go to a booth."
Ben laughed, a brief, unhappy sound. "Don't be shy, Ray. Why don't you just invite me upstairs?"
"If that's what you want." Ray stood. "Are you coming?"
Ben stood too, and pushed past him to lead the way out of the bar. Ray followed him up the stairs to his room and unlocked the door. Once inside Ben went straight over to the window and stood with his back to the room. It eventually became clear that he wasn't going to say anything.
"What happened, Benny? You wanna tell me about it?"
"Not really."
Ray suppressed a curse. This was Benny at his most uncommunicative. That, at least, hadn't changed. He went over and put his hand on the broad shoulder and pulled Ben gently round to face him. There was a bruise covering most of his right cheek.
Rage flooded him. "What the hell! Did Steve do that? I'll kill the bastard."
"No! Ray, it was an accident. Stop it."
Ray realised belatedly that his fingers were digging into Ben's shoulder. He dragged his friend into his arms. "Shit, Benny. What happened?"
Ben stood stiffly tolerating his embrace. "We had a fight. An argument. Things got a little rough and I fell. That's all. It was an accident."
"Like hell it was. Are you OK?"
Ben pulled away. "I'm fine." But his hand went up to touch his cheek gingerly.
Ray looked at him critically. "I'll get you some ice. Sit down."
All the while he was getting the ice, and wrapping it in a cloth, Ray's mind was going over the possibilities. He still hadn't heard anything definite from Chicago and was now having to face the likelihood that he wouldn't get anything useful. Whatever had happened between Ben and Steve, this might be his best chance to get through to Ben.
He carried the pack back to where Ben was sitting, in the armchair by the window and handed it to him.
"Tell me what happened." He made it as firm an order as he dared, and Ben responded, much to his relief.
"I tried, Ray. I really tried, but I couldn't do it." Ben held the ice pack to his cheek and let out a little sigh of relief.
"Couldn't do what?"
Miserable blue eyes met his own. "Make love with Steve. It felt... wrong. I tried to get past it, but I couldn't. Steve... Steve tried to understand, but how could I explain it when I didn't understand it myself?"
"Is that why he hit you?"
"He didn't hit me! It was an accident. He was trying to... He was trying to make love to me, and I couldn't. I started to struggle. That's when I fell."
Ray knelt in front of the armchair and caught hold of Ben's free hand. "Did he try to rape you Benny?"
"No." A stubborn look.
"You're sure about that?" Ray searched Ben's face looking for any kind of sign.
"No. He would have stopped. He always stopped when I said to. He... we argued, but he didn't try anything like that."
Ray had the feeling that there was a lot that Ben wasn't saying, but it wouldn't do any good to try to force it out of him. Besides, Ben's pain, emotional more than physical, made him want to offer comfort, not start an interrogation.
He reached up and touched Ben's unmarked cheek. "Listen. You can stay here tonight. We don't have to do anything. And if you want to, you could come back to Chicago with me. Maybe we can find a doctor who can help you get your memory back. You'd have a better chance of getting work too."
Ben stared at him. "I don't have any papers, or a passport, Ray."
"Well, I can think of something. Just think about it, OK? I've got a few days before I have to leave."
There was something in Ben's look that disturbed him, but he couldn't figure out what it was. But he looked so lost and hurt, that Ray couldn't resist leaning up to kiss him gently on the lips. And Ben, it seemed, couldn't help responding.
It was so easy, this melting into each other's arms, this hot, sweet loving. Incredible, especially when he thought about all the things that should have made it impossible, but somehow just made it all the more necessary.
Ray drew Ben over to the bed and laid him on it, tenderly removing his clothes. His mouth travelled effortlessly over the solid, pale body, suckling at taut nipples, his tongue slithering over the smooth skin, drawing sighs and moans of pleasure from his bedmate. Just the touch of his fingers sent shudders through Ben and his hips began to move in an instinctive rhythm before Ray had even come close to the thick, quivering cock.
With an effort, Ray eased back, watching the tense body, the closed-in face. He began simply to stroke the rising shaft, carefully not pressing too firmly and Ben's eyes opened, meeting his own as the orgasm, unable to be delayed any longer, took him.
The blue eyes closed again, after a moment. The kiss-swollen lips moved softly, framing his name.
Ray eased down beside him. Ben had already fallen asleep. With an exasperated sigh and a reluctant smile, Ray kissed his lips one more time and began the swift strokes that would take care of his own arousal with the minimum of fuss.
*
The light seeped in through his closed eyelids, refusing to leave him in peace no matter how exhausted he felt. Ben finally gave in and opened his eyes. The events of the last few days had left him shaken and confused, and never more so than now, when for long seconds he had no idea where he was. The sight of Ray's slender body, face down beside him, gave him a much needed anchor to reality.
Of course. He remembered now. Especially that last, soul searing argument with Steve. There was no going back there. Somehow he would have to find his own way. Not for a moment would he consider Ray's offer seriously. He shivered slightly.
He needed sleep, but it didn't look like he was going to get it. There hadn't been much sleep at all over the last few nights. And especially last night, in spite of what Ray had said. How could it be so easy to make love with Ray and so impossible with Steve?
That was the last thing he wanted to think about, so he transferred his attention to the body lying next to him. Long and slender and elegant, it was. A smooth olive where he'd tanned, and honey coloured across the buttocks. Ben's fingers itched to touch them and he cupped his palm above the smooth curve of one well shaped cheek and let it move slowly over the skin. A brief stirring and a sigh were the only response.
Oh, he could do this forever. He could lose himself in this man and not care at all that he was lost. It terrified him, during his saner moments. His fingers slipped between the slightly parted thighs and slid upwards, delicately parting the buttocks, seeking the safe haven of Ray's body. A soft moan, still half asleep, and a slight lifting of the narrow hips encouraged his explorations.
An insistent throb from his groin was warning enough that he couldn't last long in this state. He reached for the pack of condoms on the bedside table. It was empty. He swore miserably, under his breath. He really wanted this, but without protection, it was simply impossible. He didn't even know if he was safe, let alone Ray. Then he remembered Ray pulling a foil wrapped condom out of his wallet that first night. Perhaps he'd replaced it.
Ray's trousers were on the floor beside the bed. He leaned over and found the wallet, flipped it open, one-handed, and then dropped it. A scattering of possessions spread across the floor... some credit card slips, a couple of business cards, a photo, and a police identification badge.
*
The dream that had been so pleasant was fading and Ray chased it, but to no avail. He opened his eyes reluctantly, and then became aware that he was alone in the bed. Benny! He almost panicked, but a quick turn of his head showed him standing by the window, wearing only his jeans. His arms were wrapped tightly around his chest in a very familiar posture. He was looking out the window.
For a moment he thought he had the old Benny back, but when Ray slid out of the bed and padded over to him, the face that turned towards him was a stranger's. It didn't even belong to the man he'd come to know over the last few days.
"What do you want with me?" Ben's voice was low and hurting. And frightened, Ray thought.
Careful, Vecchio, be careful. Keep your voice quiet and calm and don't, for God's sake, frighten him away. "Benny, I just want to help you."
"Stop it! Stop calling me that!" Ben stopped, breathing fast. "Why didn't you tell me you're a cop?"
Ray shrugged, trying to look casual. "Does it matter? I'm not a cop here."
"No." There was a bitter twist to Ben's mouth. "Was that why you did... all this?" A gesture indicated the bed. "To get me back to Chicago? Was that your plan all along?"
"Ben... I don't know what you're talking about. Why don't you tell me what's wrong?"
"What's wrong? Why don't you tell me, Ray? What have I done? Not murder, I guess, or you'd have an extradition warrant. Don't tell me you didn't come after me. I saw my photo in your wallet."
The realisation of what Ben was talking about struck Ray like a blow. "You haven't done anything wrong, Benny. What the hell made you think that? You're a cop too, dammit. You're a member of the RCMP. Constable Benton Fraser. That's your name." And when Ben just stared at him disbelievingly. "I carry the photo because for the last six months before you disappeared we'd been lovers."
It was hard to watch the uncertainty in Ben's face. Ray longed to throw his arms around his lover and hold him, comfort him. He didn't dare.
Ben seemed to have drawn into himself. His eyes were unseeing.
"Why did you think I was after you, Benny?" Ray kept his voice soft.
Ben blinked. "Steve... Steve said he thought I might have done something. When he found me hurt, I said some things that made him think I might be on the run. He warned me against coming here, he thought you were suspicious of me."
"And when did he tell you all this?" Ray's voice turned grim.
"Last night. Before I left." Just a whisper. Ray didn't need to say anything. After a moment Ben's eyes lifted to his. Pleading. "How can I be sure, Ray?"
"Listen. It's too early yet, but in about an hour we can call Chicago. You work in the Canadian Consulate there, you could talk to your boss. Her name's Meg Thatcher." He stepped forward at last and put his arms around Ben.
Ray wasn't sure whether Ben would accept the embrace, but he did. Ray's arms tightened and they stood while Ben shook with reaction. He wanted to take Benny back to the bed and make love to him, to drive away the demons and the fear. But somehow Ray didn't think that Benny would let him. Instead, he let his hands rove over the broad back, gentling his lover until he relaxed a little and shifted slightly to return the embrace.
"Benny... Love, can you trust me for just one more hour? Please?" His voice was shaking a little and Ray began to wonder whether he needed the reassurance as much or more than Benny. He continued the slow massage until Ben sighed and buried his face against Ray's throat. Without even thinking about it, Ray turned his head slightly and kissed the smooth pale temple and stroked the dark hair with gentle fingers.
Ben moaned slightly, his lips brushing against Ray's skin and sending hot darts of pleasure through the other man. Ray wanted so badly to make love to him. Really make love, not the wild and often desperate coupling they'd shared since he'd found Ben again. He took Ben's bruised face between his hands and brushed his lips against Ben's.
"Let me make love to you, Benny. Please? Will you let me do that?"
Ben's eyes searched his and widened suddenly, the pupils dilating. He nodded silently. Ray leaned in for a kiss, slow and deep. After a moment Ben shuddered and opened to him, not just physically, but emotionally too. Ray could feel it in every fibre of his being.
Five minutes later they were still just kissing. Ray felt raw from it, from the openness and vulnerability that had never come naturally to him. Their mutual need was almost painful in its intensity. When it became too much to bear, Ray drew back a little. Ben wouldn't, perhaps couldn't, meet his eyes. He leaned in again, but this time to kiss the fragile arch of Ben's clavicle. A shudder ran through the sturdy body and Ray brought his hands up between their bodies and began to stroke the smooth chest.
Ben just stood there and let Ray touch him. Between them Ray's cock twitched and swayed, painfully aroused, but Ray simply wasn't ready, yet, to take the next step. Besides, it was good just to touch Benny, to feel his responsiveness to every butterfly caress. As his hands moved gradually lower, Ray sank to his knees in front of his lover. Ben moaned, his eyes widening as Ray looked up at him for a moment, and swallowed.
"Yes. Do it, Ray. Please." Ben's voice was hoarse with longing.
Ray dropped his eyes to the waistband of Ben's jeans. He could already see how aroused Ben was... he slipped the stud free and slowly slid the zipper downwards.
It hadn't occurred to Ray that Ben wouldn't be wearing anything under the jeans. His breath caught at the sight of the pale belly and the few curls of dark pubic hair showing in the open V of the jeans. Ray slid them down a little and the thick pale cock tumbled free, almost touching his lips. He breathed softly on the flushed cockhead, just peeking out from beneath the shrouding foreskin. A tiny, clear droplet trembled in the pouting slit. With a helpless moan, Ray laved it away and slid the tip of his tongue between the foreskin and cockhead.
Ben's body arched towards him and a sobbing moan burst from him, but Ray held his hips firmly, not allowing him to thrust while he explored the sensitive flesh. He squeezed gently with his fingertips just below the tip of Ben's cock to help control the urge to climax, and with a sigh, Ben relaxed a little. His hands began to move over Ray's shorn head, caressing, and guiding his movements.
But when Ray took the whole of his cock in to his mouth, Ben moved away.
"It's not safe, Ray."
Ray looked up at him, smiling slightly. "Yes it is. Unless you've done something in the last three months that you shouldn't?"
Ben shook his head dumbly, and Ray smiled again and ran his tongue slowly around the now almost completely exposed cockhead. When Ben shuddered, he grinned and began to use all the sexiest tricks he'd learnt about loving a man with a whole cock, nibbling gently at the sensitive folds of the drawn back foreskin and tugging at it with his lips. Ben's hands moved to his shoulders, holding tightly, as his whole body began to shake.
A moment later, Ben's knees began to buckle and Ray guided him down, gathering him into his arms and holding him there. Ben's face turned up to his, blindly seeking his mouth and Ray gave himself up to the kiss completely. When he was aware again, they were both lying on the floor, legs entangled, hips moving with slow exquisite thrusts against each other and he was murmuring endearments into Ben's ear.
They didn't need anything more than that. Ray caressed the beautiful pale body pressed against his and Ben responded with helpless moans of pleasure. And quite suddenly, it was over, the hot flow of their mutual orgasm searing their skins, then cooling in the aftermath to seal their bodies together.
*
It was quite a lot more than an hour later that Ben finally made the call to the Chicago Consulate. Ray had insisted that he get the phone number from the local operator and make the call himself. Once he'd spoken briefly to the bewildered woman at the other end, Ray had taken over and explained everything to her, then passed the phone back to him.
He listened to the precise voice telling him what had been planned and agreed to everything she said. It was a relief to sink back down into Ray's arms and lie in the already familiar embrace, the only thing in his world that hadn't completely changed in the last twenty four hours. Ray made love to him again, with the same heart-stopping tenderness he'd shown earlier and Ben surrendered to it completely. He still didn't remember anything of the life Ray was telling him about, but he desperately wanted to. Something told him that this love Ray said they shared was as rare to his other self as it was in the only life he really knew.
*
Ben was sleeping again in his arms, and nothing on earth would make Ray move away from him. Still, he needed to make just one more call. He reached for his cell phone and used the speed dial. At last, Elaine had the information he needed. Steve Bourne, aged forty two, ex-Alaskan State Trooper. He'd retired from the force ten years ago and moved across the border to start up a small tourist business. No criminal convictions.
"That's great, Elaine. Can you call the Consulate and find out if he had any known contact with Benny? Maybe they met somewhere."
"Sure. I'll get right onto it. How is Fraser?"
"He's OK. He's sleeping right now. Hasn't got his memory back yet, but I'm working on it." If only she knew exactly how he was working on it...
*
The journey out to Steve's house took only minutes in the four wheel drive that Ray had hired in Whitehorse. Ben stared out the window and let Ray talk about the car he'd left behind in Chicago. He'd never heard of a Buick Riviera, but even if he had, he doubted he'd be able to understand Ray's enthusiasm for the car. A car was simply a convenient way of travelling from one place to another.
They stopped at the end of the driveway and walked towards the house, Ray with a slightly aggressive swagger. He'd been like that since he'd received a call on his cell phone, but had refused to tell Ben what it was about. Ben realised suddenly that Ray had stopped and turned back. He was staring towards the line of trees, and Ben saw that the wolf had appeared again.
Ray caught at his arm excitedly. "Benny, is that Dief? When you didn't say anything I thought..." His voice trailed away at Ben's look of incomprehension. "Dief. He's your wolf. He was with you when you disappeared."
Ben simply shook his head, too stunned to speak. Ray turned back to face the distant white shape.
"Dief! Come here, boy! Dief!"
The wolf trotted forward and then, as Ray continued to call, broke into a run. Soon, it was only a few metres away and paused warily. Ray started forward and Ben grabbed him.
"Don't. It might attack if you startle it."
Ray's surprised face turned to him. "Are you kidding? Dief won't attack me."
The wolf started forward again and Ray bent down to greet it. Ben watched in astonishment as it began to lick Ray's hands and accept his petting. Incredible as it seemed, Ray was right. The wolf appeared to know him. He moved forward slightly, extending a cautious hand and the wolf paused to sniff it then look up at him with knowledgeable eyes.
"Hello, Dief." Ben stroked the slightly harsh coat. How could he have a wolf and not even remember it? Yet the wolf had been haunting him for the last three months. It had to be true. And Ray had not only recognised it, the wolf had accepted Ray as a friend. It wasn't absolute proof, but so far, everything Ray had told him rang true.
It only made him more reluctant to face Steve. The man had saved his life. At least that's what Steve had told him, and he could remember well enough those first few days when he'd been sick and disoriented. Steve had nursed him, paid for doctors visits and had kept him ever since. He owed Steve a lot, and the thought that Steve had deliberately misled him wasn't one he wanted to entertain. Ray glanced at him.
"Come on, we better get this over with." The fight seemed to have gone out of Ray, now.
They continued the walk up the pathway, leaving Dief waiting behind them. Ben heard Ray take a deep breath and lifted his hand to knock at the door. It seemed strange to do this, after three months of living here, but he no longer felt that this house was his home. After a slight pause he heard Steve's footsteps inside. The door opened and Steve stood there. He didn't look surprised to see them.
"So that's him." He was speaking to Ben.
"Yes, this is Ray. Ray, this is Steve Bourne." Both men ignored him as they tried to out-stare each other.
Then Ray pushed past him. "Mind if we come in? We're here to pick up Benny's things."
"Benny?" Steve's voice was contemptuous. Ben avoided his eyes, not wanting him to see that the nickname embarrassed him a little, even though he treasured it too, as a symbol of the life he'd forgotten. The life he'd had with this strange, but compelling, man.
Ray simply ignored the jibe, pushing past Steve too, and into the house. Ben followed him in silence.
"I won't be long. Ray..." Ben hesitated. Both men were in an aggressive mood and he didn't want any trouble.
"I'll just wait here, Benny." Ray was still eyeing Steve.
It didn't take him long to pack. He'd only allowed Steve to buy him the absolute necessities. They all fitted into a small backpack he'd bought with the proceeds of the first job he'd managed to get. Even so, by the time he'd finished, Ben could hear the argument, though not the words themselves from the lounge. He hurried back in time to hear Ray's raised voice.
"I'm not the one who scared the hell out of him with those lies about being on the run. I oughta report you for that. It's practically kidnapping. And how do I know you didn't do this to him in the first place?"
Ben burst into the room half expecting to find them at each other's throats. He wasn't far wrong. Ray and Steve were glaring at each other angrily.
"Ray! Stop it! Steve..." Ben swallowed with difficulty. He didn't want to think that Steve had deliberately misled him. "Steve might have really thought..." His voice trailed off, not really believing it himself and not wanting to admit it.
Ray came over and put a gentle hand on his shoulder, his face changing to concern immediately. "Benny. He knows exactly who you are. He was an Alaskan State Trooper. He did joint exercises with your division when you were stationed near Whitehorse."
"Is that true?" Ben directed the question to Steve.
Steve nodded and looked away.
"Benny." Ray's arms came around him, and Ben realised he was shaking and dizzy. Sick at the thought of Steve's betrayal, he leaned against Ray's wiry strength.
He managed to look over to where Steve was standing. "Why? Steve, why would you do such a thing? Weren't you my friend?"
Steve laughed ironically. "Christ, Ben. We were lovers. For a while, at least."
Strangely, that made more sense to him than anything that had happened to him in the last few days, but he felt Ray tense slightly.
"What happened?" Ray's voice, strained, the anger subdued now, but still there.
"Oh, come on Detective. You are Ben's detective buddy aren't you? You remember what it was like for gays in the police force twelve years ago. I didn't want to risk my job, so I ended it. Stupidest damn thing I ever did."
Ray's arms dropped from around him, though a hand brushed his lightly and didn't move away. Ben could see that Ray was totally calm now, and focused more on Steve than on him. And it seemed like Steve wanted to tell it all now, he moved to the couch and sat, running a hand through his hair.
"When we first met, he was so different. So young. Can you imagine how he looked at twenty four? God, he was beautiful then. I fell for him the moment I first saw him."
Ray laughed, not unkindly, and the two men shared an understanding look. It was strange to watch and listen as they discussed him, a stranger to his own life.
Steve grinned slightly. "You too, huh?"
Ray simply shrugged.
"Yeah, well... It didn't last long, like I said. About a year after that I got shot up pretty bad and when I could walk again, I decided to take an invalid's pension. First thing I did was come looking for Ben."
Ben was speechless. It was Ray who asked the question.
"What happened?"
Steve swore under his breath and looked up, his face bitter. "Victoria happened."
Beside him, Ray stiffened. Ben wondered who this Victoria was, to provoke such hostile reactions from two men who had nothing in common except himself. But now wasn't the time to ask.
"I've met Victoria." Ray's voice was almost unrecognisable.
"Yeah, I heard. Ben was never the same after that bitch was finished with him. He wasn't interested in me anymore. I moved over here anyway. I thought he'd get over her."
"Yeah, I saw how he got over her." Ray glanced at him and Ben was stunned at the mixture of emotions in his face. Then Ray turned back to Steve and his voice was almost sympathetic.
"So what happened three months ago?"
Steve shrugged. "I heard about Victoria going after him last year, heard about him being shot. I figured that ought to have put an end to the affair. I thought even Ben would have a hard time finding an excuse for her shooting him. "
Again Ray stiffened. "Victoria didn't shoot him. I did."
"You shot me?" The words were startled out of Ben.
Ray turned his head to look at him and smile wryly. "I'll explain it later. Believe me, I did you a big favour."
"I hope so." Ben decided it was time he took an active part in the conversation. "Why did I come here, Steve?"
"I called you in Chicago. Said I wanted to try again, but you... well, you didn't seem very interested. I talked you into coming for a visit anyway." He frowned slightly and looked at Ray. "I didn't know about the two of you. I wouldn't have done this if I had, I swear."
Ben believed him. He looked at Ray and thought Ray believed him too.
"How did this happen?" Ben gestured at his head.
"Pretty much the way I told you, except that you were driving a rental car." Steve looked at Ray. "He was about five miles away, coming from Whitehorse, a tree had come down across the hood of his car. There was a bad storm. I told Ben later he was on foot.
"At first all I cared about was getting him back to the house. He looked pretty bad. When he woke and couldn't remember who he was... it gave me a chance and I took it. I guess I already knew from the phone call that he wasn't going to want to get together with me. The car was a write off. I towed it to where nobody would find it. I figured the rental company would get their insurance either way." Steve stared defiantly at the two of them.
Strangely enough, it was Ben who became angry. Ray simply nodded.
"You lied to me!" The words came out louder than he'd intended and Steve's face went blank. "Our whole relationship was based on a lie. How could you have ever hoped to make it work?"
"Ben..." Steve stopped and shook his head helplessly.
Ray grasped his hand suddenly. "Benny, if you could remember what happened between you and Victoria, you might understand. What Steve did wasn't half as bad as the things she did to you."
It silenced him and he looked from Ray to Steve and back again, seeing a shared understanding that he couldn't be a part of. Finally, Steve sighed.
"So, what now?"
That, at least, Ben could answer. "I've spoken with my... my superior officer, in Chicago. She's arranged for me to be examined in Ottawa by RCMP doctors. Ray will take me there." He hesitated. "Steve, why didn't you tell me about Dief?"
"Who?" Steve looked genuinely puzzled.
"My wolf. Ray says his name is Dief. Did you drive him off? Why?"
"That wolf that's been hanging around? I had no idea he was yours Ben. He wasn't with you when I found you."
And that was it. Ben couldn't think of a thing to say, and both Ray and Steve seemed to have come to some kind of peace with each other. He felt too uncomfortable to want to prolong this interview unnecessarily. Minutes later he was walking back to the car with Ray beside him. Walking away from all that he knew.
It terrified him if he thought too much about it. They got into the car and Dief jumped into the back seat as if he was used to travelling like this. Ray glanced across at him.
"You OK, Benny?"
Ben smiled at the other man's worried look. "I'm fine, Ray."
Ray leaned across and kissed him. "It'll be all right, Benny. Those doctors will help you get your memory back. And you've got me and Dief to look after you."
In spite of his fear, Ben laughed. "Let's go."
*
Ray fidgeted. He paced up and down for a few minutes, but couldn't even concentrate on that. He fidgeted again. The damn plane had been delayed nearly an hour. Not that that was anything unusual at O'Hare, but it had landed more than fifteen minutes ago, and still no sign of Benny. It wasn't as if he'd have a lot of luggage to carry, knowing him, so what was taking him so long?
Behind him, Ray could hear the murmur of familiar voices. He scowled. He'd intended to be the only one here to meet Benny. Well, him and Dief, anyway. That plan had crashed and burned when it was Frannie who'd answered the phone and heard Benny's voice. Next thing he knew, his family.... hell, the whole Precinct knew the date and time of Benny's arrival. At least the Dragon Lady hadn't turned up. Then he heard the bustle of a new arrival behind him, and an all too familiar voice exchanging stilted greetings. Ray groaned.
He risked a look. At least she hadn't brought Turnbull, that would have been too much. Lt Welsh had managed to separate Inspector Thatcher from the rest of the Vecchio family, much to Ray's relief. Elaine and Frannie were chatting off to one side and Ma had cornered Jack and was no doubt grilling him about his love life and checking that he was eating properly. She'd probably invite him home to dinner, Ray thought gloomily. Maria was trying to keep the kids in check, not very successfully, and it looked like Tony was sampling the magazine rack at the nearby bookstore. A pretty typical Vecchio family outing.
Things were happening over at the arrivals gate. A few people straggled out, looking pleased at being the first to make it through. Ray caught sight of a tall, heart-stoppingly beautiful figure in jeans and a light blue shirt. It was three weeks, five days since he'd last seen Benny, and it had taken all his self control to walk away and leave him alone in that Ottawa hospital. Heart pounding, he took a step towards his lover and stopped. Thanks to Frannie, he wasn't even entirely sure that Benny had got his memory back. What if he'd got it back, but he'd changed? What if Benny didn't want him as a lover anymore?
With an effort, Ray made himself walk towards the man. A quick smile flashed across the pale, handsome features and Ray began to walk faster. Suddenly they were no more that a foot away from each other. Ben lowered the small backpack from his shoulder to the floor.
"Ray." He smiled again. The smile of a lover
Ray closed his eyes in relief for a moment. When they opened again Ben was looking at him quizzically.
"Oh, Benny. It's so good to have you back again." Without thinking he leaned forward and they were kissing, a brief, hard, hungry kiss.
Behind them, Ray could hear gasps and a shocked rustling of voices. Hell of a way to come out to your family and co-workers, but somehow he couldn't find it in his heart to worry about it. Not when he had Benny back at last.
His eyes met Benny's blue-grey stare and a small smile flickered between them.
"Later."
Accepting the promise implied in that one word, Ray took his lover's hand and led him over to his family and friends.