I read with great interest the thought that Benny's
mental health is showing signs of deteriorating in 3rd
season. I've felt that way myself, and this story has
been simmering in my mind since 3rd season began. This
is a sad one, folks, but then, sometimes I'm just sad
when watching Seasons 3/4. :(
Rated NC-17 for a graphic m/m sex scene.
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, more's the
pity, Alliance does.
(c) March 20, 1998 (Ostara)
*I*
*MELTING*
*Ben awoke, smiling to himself. The
warm body next to him made him
feel tingly all over. He stretched lazily and turned over,
eyes till
closed, his hand reaching out to caress the skin of his beloved.
A soft
purr let him know that his lover was enjoying his attentions.
He
remembered last night: his lover deep inside him, hot and demanding,
his legs spread as his beloved touched his cock, pumping it while
his
hips moved, and semen spilled out to spatter on his chest and
belly
while Ray's scalded his insides...
A frown marred his perfect features as he
continued caressing. He
couldn't recall Ray being so...bony...?
Eyes snapped open and he sat up as if shot
from a cannon. All that
missing was him modestly pulling the sheet up his chest, he thought
with
a touch of hysteria. His face reflected his shock.
"Mmm, lover, you were the *best* last night."
His lover turned over and smiled at him.
Except that this man was
not his lover.
"Who...who *are* you?"
The man frowned, his smile a little uncertain.
"C'mon, babe, it's
too early for your weird sense of Canadian humor."
"Who *are* you?" Ben repeated harshly.
His fist balled while
clutching the sheet.
"I'm Ray."
"No, you're not," Ben ground out. His
heart was racing and he
could feel cold sweat running down his back.
"'Course I am!"
"You're not Ray Vecchio!"
"No, but I play him on TV. C'mon, Fraser,
what's up with this
act?"
Ben leaped out of bed, limbs trembling with
anger and fear. "Get
out of my bed!"
"What?"
"Are you dim or something? I *said*, get out of my bed!"
The stranger seemed too astonished to do
anything. Ben felt dizzy
and rapidly spilled out the next words. "Where's my Ray?"
"Right here."
How could this man be so *stupid*! "I *mean* Ray Vecchio!"
"Listen, love..."
"Don't call me that!"
Ben heard a whine and turned with relief
to Dief. Maybe he could
order the wolf to nosh on the intruder. He felt his blood run
cold.
"Dief..."
He slowly knelt down in front of the wolf
and grasped his muzzle.
Panic began to whisper along the edges of his mind as he gazed into
the
big eyes.
"You're not Dief," he said with a whimper, dropping
his hand away
and lowering his head.
"Fraser..."
His head snapped back up to see the imposter staring
over the edge
of the cot. He scrambled up and ran to his closet, slamming
the door
shut behind him.
Closet. Right. How many times had he
and Ray been in the broom
closet at the Precinct? He had to get out of here and over
to the
Precinct! Ray would be there, and he would come back with him
and help
toss this impertinent stranger out.
A banging on the door startled him.
"Fraser! Come on out here!"
He flung the door open, nearly beaning the imposter.
Enjoying a
perverse sense of satisfaction, Ben barreled past him in his red
serge
and out the apartment, ignoring the man's calls and the wolf's
barking.
He ran all the way to the 27th Precinct, heart
pounding all the
way. He pushed the fear to the back of his mind. Ray
was all right.
Ray was fine. He would find him at his desk and they would
deal with
this poor, sick soul in his apartment. In his *bed*.
Ben shuddered. He hoped that nothing had...happened.
Ignoring the strange looks thrown his way, he stepped
up his pace.
He breathed a sigh of relief when he reached the Precinct and barged
up
the stairs, tossing off a quick, "Pardon me" to a woman he almost
bowled
over.
He reached the squadroom and took a moment
to compose himself,
chest heaving. All he had to do was open the door, and he would
see
Ray. It would all be fine.
He opened the door, his eyes immediately
going to Ray's desk.
Disappointment washed over him. Empty. Well, that was
fine. Ray was
just away from his desk. He would sit in his chair before the
desk and
wait. He could do that. Ray would come and everything
would be all
right.
He walked across the room a little unsteadily,
clutching his hat
with a painful grip. He passed Elaine's desk and said automatically,
"Good morning, El..." He stopped, expression shocked.
"Hi, Benton."
Francesca Vecchio sat at Elaine's desk, wearing
a civilian aide
uniform. Well, it *resembled* a civilian aide's uniform.
The sleeves
had been shortened and the neckline lowered. Frannie was working
at the
computer.
"Uh, Francesca, what are you doing in Elaine's seat?"
"Silly, it's *my* seat now."
"What?" asked Ben faintly.
"Yeah. I'm the one you and Ray come to for information."
Suddenly heartened, Ben stepped closer. "Yes,
*Ray* and I. Do you
know where he is?"
"Who am I, my brother's keeper?" She sighed.
"He should be in any
time now."
Ben nodded in satisfaction. "Thank
you kindly, Francesca." He went
over to Ray's desk and sat down in the chair before it. He
took a
deep breath, eyes closed. This was where he belonged.
"Hey, Fraser!"
He opened his eyes. Oh, no! That crazy
man had followed him to
the Precinct!
The spiky-haired blond slouched over to the desk,
dressed in grungy
jeans and a T-shirt that read MEGADEATH. *His* Ray would not
have been
caught dead in such an outfit, at least not while on duty.
"Glad to see ya got over your little hissy
fit, babe." The stranger
had the audacity to slide into Ray's seat! Ben felt a great
anger begin
to surge inside him. Before he could say anything, though,
Francesca
waltzed over and put a file on the desk. "Here ya go, Ray."
"Thanks, Frannie."
*No!*
"Francesca, this man is claiming to be Ray!"
"Well, that's because he is."
Shock poured out from blue eyes. "Francesca,
that is *not* your
brother!"
"My brother?"
"Yes, your brother! The man with the
dazzling smile, incredible
green eyes, and wears Armani!"
Frannie looked at Ben askance. He could
feel sweat begin to
trickle down his collar. He shot out of the chair and said,
"I'll prove
it to you all!"
He ran all the way to the Vecchio house,
gasping for breath by the
time he reached the house...but the house was a charred ruin, his
heart
nearly beating out of his chest. He stared at it for
a very long time,
the panic building, and he took off at a run again.
*The Consulate! There I'll have the
resources to track Ray down
and figure out why all the Americans have gone bonkers!*
He skidded to a halt outside the Consulate
building, its cool
whiteness pristine in the early-morning sun. Yet there was
no Mountie
on guard, and the official brass plaque had been removed and replaced
with a sign that read: VANDALAY INDUSTRIES. He barged in, the
usual
niceties forgotten as the blood rushed in his ears.
"Can I help you, sir?"
"Jasmine!" He almost sobbed her name and
grabbed her. Ignoring her
squeal, he said, "I must see Inspector Thatcher!"
"Then you'd better go to the Consulate."
"This *is* the Consulate."
She looked at him strangely. "No, it's at 602 Roosevelt Avenue."
He nearly snapped at her, "No, it isn't!"
but decided not to argue.
He ran out, looking wildly about him, then took off in a direction
he
was certain would bring him to Roosevelt Avenue. He had been
there once
with Ray.
Ray. Why were these people *doing*
this to them? Why wouldn't
they let him see Ray? Was their disapproval so strong that
they
couldn't stand to see them together? Why did he feel like
he was in a
TWILIGHT ZONE episode, an old classic television series that Ray
had
introduced him to years ago?
Everything seemed to revolve around Ray.
Dear Ray. He yearned to
see his face, gaze deeply into those leaf-green eyes and close his
arms
around that slender, elegant body. He desperately wanted to
make love
to his partner, feel his strength and passion, and celebrate their
love.
Oh, dear Ray.
Flushed with passionate thoughts and from
the run, Benny stopped
outside the dark, old-fashioned structure that now bore the legend,
CANADIAN CONSULATE. He dashed inside past Turnbull who was
on guard
duty. Thank heavens for Turnbull! Doing what he always
did. Benny
needed some continuity right now.
He hesitated in the grand foyer, uncertain
of this building's
layout, then took a guess and headed for what appeared to be Inspector
Thatcher's office. He burst in, forgetting all about politeness
in his
desperation.
"Inspector, I need your help...!" He
stopped short, the old
familiar feeling of disbelief hitting him. Meg Thatcher was
staring at
him.
"What is it, Constable?"
"When...when did you get your hair cut?"
She rolled her eyes. "I'm busy, Constable.
Now if you don't have
anything constructive to say, kindly leave and shut the door on your
way
out..."
He dashed around her desk and grabbed her
by the shoulders, her
grunt of surprised pain ignored by him. "You must help me, Inspector!
Ray's missing and no one seems to care!"
She smirked. "Why should that surprise you?"
He shook his head impatiently. "No, I mean,
what I mean is
that...Inspector, everyone acts like he never existed! I *have*
to find
him! Please, you must help me!"
"Fraser, you must calm down. Vecchio
is probably just out of town
for a few days, or on some assignment. I'm sure your lover
boy will
come back to you." She said the words 'lover boy' with obvious disgust.
"No!" Benny snatched his hands away and felt
his panic rising. "I
must find him!"
He ran out of her office, ignoring her calls
for him to come back,
and was out in the street before he saw Jack Huey's car pull up.
Relieved, he stood there trembling. Jack would help him.
Jack
understood about partners. He frowned at the dark-haired man
who was
also stepping out of the car.
"Jack, you must help me!"
"Sure, Benton," Jack said reasonably.
He and the stranger slowly
advanced. "I'll be glad to help."
"Thank God!" Benny sobbed. He grabbed
Jack's arms. "Jack, Ray's
gone and some imposter has taken his place! Dief's not Dief,
and the
Inspector had a new haircut! This Consulate isn't the Consulate!
Please help me find Ray! I *need* Ray!"
"Sure, Benton." Jack lightly squeezed
Benny's arms. "Come with us,
and we'll find Ray."
"Who's this?" Benny asked warily, staring at the new man.
"He's my partner, Tom Dewey."
"Partner? Oh, no, your partner
is Louis." A look of horror
crossed his face. "Louis was killed...in the Riv...burned...!" He
began
to moan and slid out of the men's grasp, the world whirling
around as
from somewhere, deep inside, a scream began to rise up from a black
abyss as fire exploded behind his eyes and the world melted...
*II*
*FLAMES*
The young, dark-haired man studied his clipboard
and looked up at
the approach of the two officers. They were a handsome couple,
he
thought, and he shook their hands.
"Please be seated," he said to Jack and Elaine.
Tom was off-duty
and Elaine had come to the hospital when Jack had called her.
They sat on a leather settee, the hall
bright and cheerful.
Certainly not what you would expect of this kind of hospital.
Elaine
asked, "Is he all right, Doctor?"
Dr. Julius Birnbaum shook his head.
"He's heavily sedated, Ms.
Besbriss. He's really quite clever, getting out as he does.
Unfortunately, unless we keep him doped up to the gills, he'll always
manage to do so. And we can't keep him restrained forever,
either."
"He's not a danger to anyone," Elaine said softly.
"No, just to himself."
She and Jack exchanged glances. "Doctor,
I know you're new to
Benton's case, but are you aware of all the details of what happened?"
She took a deep breath. "He's never been the same since his partner
was
killed by that car bomb. Ray's beloved Riv went up in flames,
and him
with it. Dief went, too."
Birnbaum frowned. "Dief?"
"His wolf," Jack supplied.
Raising an eyebrow, the doctor indicated
to Elaine that she should
continue.
"Well, he's never forgiven himself
for Ray's death. He was
helping an old woman he knew cross the street when Ray and Dief got
into
the car and when Ray turned the key in the ignition..." She shuddered
and quickly took hold of Jack's hand. She understood why he
was being
so quiet. The memories were being dredged up again. He
was seeing
another Riv, another flash of flames, a partner lost.
Birnbaum frowned. "Why would he feel guilty about that?"
Elaine smiled slightly. "You didn't
know Fraser before his
breakdown. He was always helping people and Ray would grumble
about it,
but he'd help, too. And one of the cases Fraser dragged Ray
into ended
up connected to the Mob, and Fraser was targeted by them for execution.
Unfortunately, it was Ray and Dief who paid."
The sadness in her voice could have broken
a hundred hearts. She
wiped at her eyes and continued.
"Anyway, Fraser screamed and started running
toward the car, and
Jack and the Lieutenaut caught him and held him back. He fought
them
like a wildcat but then just slid out of their grasp and fell to
the
ground." Elaine's voice was strong but tear-filled. "He
started...hugging himself and keening this...*awful* wail...and he
was
in shock for the next few days. When he came out of it, he
insisted on
going over to Ray's family's house and helping them with the funeral
arrangements. He as there, helping poor Mrs. Vecchio and Ray's
sisters,
and he made arrangements for Dief to be buried up in the Territories,
too."
The doctor consulted his chart. "He seemed normal after that?"
"Well, as normal as Fraser can be." She and
Jack laughed gently.
"Anyway, he refused a transfer and helped crack the case of who was
responsible. He seemed to control any desire for revenge he
might have.
And then he didn't come around the Precinct much anymore
after
that, though he was still coming in the capacity as a liaison
between
our department and his Consulate, but no longer as Ray Vecchio's
unofficial
partner."
"He seemed all right, and even would
occasionally accept Mrs.
Vecchio's dinner invitations, but he gradually stopped going there,
and
stopped going anywhere, I'd heard. He began to lose weight,
looked
awful from loss of sleep, and then he began to haunt the Precinct,
while not neglecting his duties at the Consulate but his boss definitely
didn't like it. And he began sitting in his chair in front
of Ray's
desk..."
Here Jack joined in. "The desk still
hadn't been assigned to
anyone. He came in every day at lunchtime and every day after
work, and
just sat there until one of us would suggest he go home."
"And he looked so confused...so lost...it
always broke my heart,"
Elaine said.
"Did he ever say why he was doing this?"
asked Birnbaum.
Jack and Elaine exchanged glances.
She answered, "He was waiting
for Ray."
The doctor's eyebrow rose and he wrote something
on the chart.
Elaine watched him, then exchanged a glance with Jack. At his
nod
she asked hesitantly, "Doctor? Has it been noted that Ray was
more than
just a partner in work...that he was one in life as well?"
"What?"
"Ray and Fraser were lovers."
Birnbaum suddenly looked uncomfortable. "Uh, yes."
"Does that bother you?"
"Yes, it does, Ms. Besbriss."
"Should you excuse yourself from this case, then?"
The doctor was indignant as he said, "Certainly
not. Constable
Fraser will get the utmost care from me. Now, I see here that
the
deterioration continued at a slow yet noticeable rate?"
Elaine nodded and Jack said, "He would come
in and talk about Ray
as if he was still alive."
As Jack told his examples, Elaine closed
her eyes and remembered
one incident in particular:
* * * * * *
*Ben walked in, smiling sunnily as
he used to do so long ago, and
Elaine felt her heart skip a beat. He was so beautiful!
But what could
have made him so happy? His uniform hung on him like a starving
man,
and there were always dark shadows under his eyes from his lack of
sleep. His step was lively today, however, and there was that
dazzling
smile.
"Good afternoon, Elaine."
"Good afternoon, Fraser. What's up?"
He leaned forward conspiratorially.
"Ray and I had a wonderful
time last night." He blushed slightly. "I am very lucky to have an
Italian lover."
Elaine felt her good cheer dissipate
as if a bucket of cold water
had been thrown on her. She looked at that smiling face and
wanted to
cry.
"Uh, Benton?"
But he had already taken his customary
place in front of Ray's
desk. She watched as he sat there patiently, glancing every
now and
then down the length of the squadroom to its entrance, waiting...
Her heart broke.*
* * * * * *
The doctor was furiously scribbling on his
clipboard. Jack had
finished his story and Elaine took up the tale again.
"So we decided to contact his boss at the
Consulate, wondering if
they knew about Fraser's delusions over there, but the last straw
came."
She took a deep breath. Jack took her hand and squeezed
it. "It
happened six months to the day that Ray died..."
* * * * * *
*Ben came in the Precinct, looking a little
tired but happy.
Elaine couldn't bear to ask him why, so she simply said nothing.
Lieutenaut Welsh eyed the Mountie from the doorway of his office
and
watched as he said his customary "Good afternoon" to Elaine and
Jack and
went to sit in front of the desk.
He held his hat in his hands and moved
it around and around,
looking up now and again and being disappointed every time.
Welsh began
to come out of his office when a footstep was heard and someone called
out, "Hey, Ray!"
Elaine gasped as Ben's head immediately
came up, light glowing in
his eyes, only to be replaced by confusion and bitter disappointment.
Her heart broke and she started to get up and go to him when the
blond
newcomer sauntered over to Ray's desk and sat down. She
instinctively
held her breath.
Ben was looking at the stranger with
stupified astonishment. He
was a spiky-haired blond wearing a scruffy set of jeans and a
powder-blue
T-shirt. He was busy going through the top desk drawer when
he looked up and said, "Oh, hi." He held out his hand. "I'm Ray."
Elaine saw the storm crash on the horizon,
Ben jumping up and
nearly leaping over the desk as he grabbed Stanley Raymond Kowalski's
T-shirt.
"You're *not* Ray!" he shouted, dragging
the man across the desk
and shaking him, then he threw him back.
"Fraser!" Elaine yelled and Jack came running.
Ben was already on
the unfortunate Kowalski, rage twisting his handsome face.
Welsh and
Jack reached him before he could seriously hurt Kowalski and he
screamed,
"Let me *go*! This man is an imposter! What have you done
with Ray!"
"Fraser, Ray's dead!" Welsh shouted.
Silence. Deadly and chilling.
"No," Ben said, swiftly shaking his head.
"Yes," Welsh said, hating to do it
but needing to try and get Ben
to face reality.
"No," Ben whispered, and then he shrieked,
"*Noooo*!!!" and
twistedout of Jack and Welsh's grasp, taking off out of the squadroom.
"Catch him!" Welsh ordered, and several
officers bolted the
squadroom. The Lieutenaut rubbed his face and swore.
A few minutes later Jack returned with
a few other cops. "He's
gone, Lieutenaut."
"Gave you the slip?" Welsh barked.
"All right, put out an APB on
him. Elaine, call the Consulate and inform Thatcher about what's
happened."
> "Yes, sir." Elaine made the call and
was glad to get a sympathetic Turnbull instead of the Ice Queen.
After the call she
walked slowly over to Ray's desk. Kowalski had gone into Welsh's
office. She picked up the abandoned Stetson and gently clutched
it to
her heart.
"Oh, Benton," she whispered.*
* * * * * *
"We finally found him at the Vecchios'
old house. The family was
away in Florida but Ben still had a key. He was in Ray's room..."
* * * * * *
*The house was eerily quiet.
Elaine and Jack checked the
downstairs. Elaine glanced into the living room and drew in
a breath as
she saw the family pictures arranged on a wall...including the wedding
picture of Ben and Ray. She traced a finger along the golden
frame and
felt tears blur her vision as she gazed upon their smiling faces.
She
carefully turned away, Jack indicating the stairs and she nodded.
They
quietly went up the staircase, Elaine pointing to the room down the
hall. Jack nodded and they headed for it.
It was Ray's room. They knew
that from the parties they'd
attended here over the years. And this was where their sad
quest ended.
Ben was here, sitting on the bed and
rocking back and forth, tears
streaming down his face as he tightly clutched a pillow to his abdomen.
The spread was turned down partway and an empty space was at the
head of
the bed next to a second pillow. The drapes were pulled back,
sunlight
streaming in to highlight the angelic face.
Elaine cautiously approached him. When
he didn't acknowledge her
presence, she sat down next to him and said gently, "Benton, it's
time
to go."
He continued rocking, the silent tears breaking
her heart. She put
a hand on his shoulder, then withdrew it and laid her head there
instead. Jack remained silent at the foot of the bed.
They stayed that way for a long time, Elaine
finally telling Jack,
"Call the ambulance." After he left she thought she heard,
"He isn't
coming back, is he?" whispered in her ear. She turned quickly,
but Ben
was moaning softly now. Had she imagined him speaking?
She gathered
him into her arms and sent up a quick prayer to Ray, wherever he
was.
*Look out for him.*
* * * * * *
Elaine wiped her eyes with a handkerchief.
"We brought him to City
Hospital but there was nothing they could do for him, and he was
admitted here."
Birnbaum nodded. "Six months ago."
"And today is the first anniversary of Ray's death."
The doctor sighed. "We'll keep him under close
observation." He
stood up and shook their hands. "Thank you for telling your story
once
again. I want to find out all I can about Constable Fraser.
Maybe I
can help him."
"I certainly hope so. What a waste of a fine man."
Birnbaum looked at his chart after the officers
had departed. He
read, *The patient suffers paranoid delusions, insisting that his
dead
lover is still alive and being held prisoner somewhere.
He thinks here
is a vast conspiracy keeping him from Ray Vecchio. Skilled
in the art
of escape, he periodically gets out of the facility but only wanders
around looking for his lover and wolf. The outside world overwhelms
him
and he eventually breaks down and is picked up by a police force
that is
familiar with his situation and brings him back here.
Here at Briarwood he is totally withdrawn,
punctuated by wild
episodes that must be treated with a tranquilizer and straitjacket.
Unfortunately he seems to have the knowledge of getting out of the
straitjacket. Possibilites of total immobilization are being
considered.*
Birnbaum shook his head and went down the
hall.
* * * * * *
Benton Fraser, formerly of the Royal Canadian
Mounted Police, sat
by his hospital room window and stared into space, the figures of
Jack
Huey and Elaine Besbriss slowly getting smaller as they walked
toward
the parking lot. A discarded straitjacket lay on the
floor by the bed.
He let the gauzy curtain fall from his hand
and obscure his vision
of the outdoors.
"I'll be waiting, Ray."
It could have been merely a whisper on the
wind as the sun set,
dissolving into passionately-brilliant flames flickering over the
marble-perfect face of the man at the window.*
Comments can be mailed to: jeanniemarie@sprintmail.com