Author's webpage: http://victoria.tc.ca/~wy236/fic.html

<PRE>

Ray Vecchio watched as Benny disarmed a suspect. He swallowed the lump of fear that had suddenly appeared in his throat. He couldn't help it. Every time the Mountie pulled one of his crazy stunts - jumping off buildings, standing in the path of a moving car, or, in this case, taking it upon himself to disarm a gunman with no weapon of his own - Ray's heart felt like it was going to explode from sheer terror. The terror he felt every time he thought of losing his Benny. The fear had only intensified since they had become lovers. He didn't know how much longer he could take it, how long he could live with the knowledge that every time they went out in the field, pursued a suspect, tracked down a witness, it could be their last.

Benny had already come close to losing his life several times. Willy had pulled a gun on him. Carver had held him hostage in a junked car. Bolt had thrown him off a train. Gerrard had stabbed him in the leg, the same leg that had been stabbed once before. Benny was a liaison officer, for God's sake! He wasn't supposed to be pursuing criminals all over Chicago. He wasn't in Canada anymore.

Later that night, once the suspect had been safely locked up and the paperwork was done, Ray took his lover home. Standing in the living room in Benny's apartment, he tried to put his feelings into words.

"I can't take this anymore, Benny."

"Can't take what?" Fraser asked, a little frightened at how serious his partner looked.

"Watching you put yourself in danger, risking your life. It scares me to death. Knowing that I could lose you every time we work on a case together - I can't stand it, Benny. If anything happened to you - "

"I'm a Mountie, Ray! I'm a police officer. It's my job, and yours, to enforce the law and protect the people. It's what we do."

Ray groaned. "You're a liaison officer! Your job is to sit in your safe office at the Consulate and push papers. Not to chase bad guys around Chicago. That's my job. "

"I thought we were partners," said Benny softly.

"Yeah, we're partners, Benny. Partners in life. But we don't need to be partners at work. Hell, if you really were a member of the Chicago PD we wouldn't be allowed to work together. Lovers can't be partners."

"What are you saying, Ray?"

"I love you, Benny, and if anything happened to you, I couldn't bear it. I want us to stop working together. We can still see each other, but off-duty, okay? Please, stay in your job at the Consulate and don't chase any more bad guys. I'd feel a lot better if I knew that you were safe here."

"But who is going to keep you safe, Ray?"

"Welsh has been talking about assigning me an official partner. Huey needs a new partner since Gardino ... well, you know."

"Since Louis died."

"Yeah." That was another reason Ray didn't want Fraser involved in his cases. The first time they'd encountered Frank Zuko Benny had been beaten severely and nearly killed. The second time Ray's car had been blown up, killing Louis Gardino, and Ray and Benny's relationship had almost been destroyed. He didn't want anything like that to happen again.

Fraser knew that he couldn't refuse Ray anything, no matter how much it hurt, no matter how much he wanted to protest. He loved his partner and would do anything for him.

"All right, Ray," he said. "I understand. We'll see each other after work."

Ray looked relieved. "Good," he said. He took the other man into his arms. "I love you, Benny. You know that, don't you?"

"I know, Ray."

A few weeks went by. Ray had to admit that he missed working with Benny. The Mountie had a unique viewpoint that no Chicago detective could possibly have. After all, none of them would sniff piddle. Well, okay, maybe he didn't miss that. But he did miss his partner. It didn't help that Elaine and several of the other women at the precinct kept asking when he was coming back.

The phone rang. Ray sighed. Since he and Benny didn't work together anymore, his lover had taken to calling him a couple of times a day to check on him. While he appreciated knowing that Benny was thinking of him, it also distracted him. At least when they worked on cases they could be alone together, away from other cops or from Ray's family. There had been more than one quickie in the back seat of the Riv when they were supposed to be working.

"Hi Benny," said Ray as he answered the phone.

Fraser had stopped asking how Ray knew it was him on the phone. He called at the same time every day. "Hello, Ray. How are you?" Since Ray was at his desk and had answered the phone, he knew that Ray was all right, that he was safe, that he hadn't been hurt on the job, at least not badly enough to keep him from his desk. Hearing his partner's voice on the phone relieved some of the anxiety he had been feeling since he and Ray had stopped working together. He knew that Ray was just trying to keep him safe, but what about Ray? Benny needed to be with him, to watch his back, to protect him. He didn't trust Huey or anyone else to look after Ray the way he could. After all, no one else loved Ray the way he did.

"I'm just fine, Benny. What's new and exciting at the Consulate?"

"I have several new assignments," Fraser answered, "but I wouldn't say that any of them are exciting."

"But they're safe, right? None of them is going to bring you anywhere near any car thieves or cop killers or nuclear terrorists."

"Not as far as I know, no." He sounded almost disappointed.

"So, I'll see you after work, right?"

"Yes, Ray." *If I haven't perished from boredom by then* Ben thought.

"Love you, Benny."

"And I you, Ray."

Later, as the two men were sitting having dinner, Ray asked, "So what's bugging you, Benny?"

"What makes you think something is 'bugging' me?" the Mountie asked.

"I know you. I know when there's something you're not telling me. So spill it."

"I've just been thinking about our new arrangement."

"You mean not working together anymore. You know, I'm really glad we're doing this. I sleep a lot better at night knowing you're safe."

"You do?" Benny asked with a sinking feeling. He'd been hoping to talk Ray into relenting and being partners at work again, but obviously Ray was happier about the situation than Ben was.

"Yeah. And I can concentrate on my work better when I'm not worrying about you."

"Ray, I worry about you, too, you know."

"I know you do, Benny, but I'm okay. After all, I'm here, aren't I? Huey can watch my back just fine. You don't need to worry."

"I miss you, Ray. I miss being with you when we're at work."

"Aw, I miss you too, Benny. But look at it this way - it means that when we get back here to your place, we're even more hot for each other than before, because we've been deprived all day."

Fraser smiled in spite of himself. "I'm always hot for you, Ray."

"Yeah?" asked Ray with a lascivious grin. "You wanna show me just how hot?"

So Fraser showed him.

Not long after they had this conversation, Thanksgiving day arrived. For Ray and Benny it was actually their second Thanksgiving, as they had celebrated Canadian Thanksgiving together back in October. Fraser was having dinner at the Vecchio house. Ray had told his mother and his sisters of his and Benny's relationship, and while they may not have entirely approved, they accepted it.

"Come on, Benny," Ray said to his partner, pulling him towards the door. "Ma wants me to go to the store. There's some ingredients she needs for the stuffing that she forgot to get."

"Did your mother really forget the ingredients, or is this just an excuse to get me alone?" asked Fraser with some amusement.

"Yes, and yes," answered the detective.

"Yes to which one?" Benny asked in puzzlement.

"Yes, Ma forgot the ingredients, and yes, this is an excuse to get you alone." He pulled the Mountie behind a convenient tree and kissed him.

When they parted and resumed their walk to the store, Fraser said, "I'm glad that you were able to get the day off."

Ray shrugged. "The P.D. is pretty good about putting as few people as possible on duty on holidays. Guys with families get priority. The last few years I didn't bother trying to get the day off, but this year I felt like I had a reason to be extra thankful."

"Really, and what would that be?" asked Fraser, pretending not to understand.

"Crazy Mountie," Ray muttered.

"You're thankful for crazy Mounties?"

"Not crazy Mounties in general, just one crazy Mountie in particular."

The trip to the store took longer than usual, since the two men kept stopping to kiss. Eventually, however, they made it and Ray went about choosing the particular items his mother needed, after much consultation with her on his cell phone.

Just as they approached the checkout counter, a young man walked in and sprayed the store with gunfire. Miraculously, although there were several injuries, the bullets didn't kill anyone. "Everybody down!" the gunman ordered. The shoppers quickly did as he said. Ray handed his cell phone to Benny. "Call for backup," he told his partner, before approaching the would-be robber.

"Ray Vecchio, Chicago P.D.," Ray introduced himself, showing his own gun. "Put the gun down before anybody gets hurt."

The gunman responded by grabbing a young woman who had been crouching behind the counter and holding the gun to her head. "No, you put *your* gun down," he suggested, "before I shoot her."

Ray did as he was told. As soon as he dropped his gun, the young man released his hostage and picked up the gun from the floor. Then he aimed both weapons on Ray. "I hate cops," he stated. "Cops killed my father. Shot him in cold blood, when he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time." Focusing on Ray, he said, "So how about I make up for it, by killing you?"

Praying that their backup would arrive soon, Fraser stood up and stepped out where the shooter could see him. "I don't think you want to do that," he stated.

"Who the hell are you? Another cop?"

"Actually, I'm a Mountie."

"What's a Mountie doing here in Chicago?"

"I first came to Chicago on the trail of the killers of my father, and for reasons that don't need explaining at this juncture I've remained, attached as liaison with the Canadian Consulate."

"Somebody killed your dad, too?" the young man asked sadly. Fraser could see, now that he had a closer look, just how young this man really was. Hardly more than a boy.

"Yes, someone killed my father. Shot him down in cold blood, like yours."

"Did you catch them, whoever did it?" The boy's attention was now fully focused on Ben and he'd turned slightly away from Ray.

"Yes, I did. Ironically, it was also a cop who killed my father." Fraser could see that Ray was slowly approaching the gunman, so he tried to keep the gunman's attention fully focused on himself and not on Ray.

"Did you kill him?"

"No. I wanted to, but if I had, I would have been no better than he was. And if you shoot Detective Vecchio, you will be no better than the men who shot your father. Not to mention that you will probably get the death penalty."

As Benny talked, the youngster had slowly lowered the two guns. Ray took advantage of the opportunity and quickly tackled and disarmed him. Their backup arrived shortly afterwards, along with the paramedics, meaning that Ray and Benny had to answer a lot of questions as the injured were taken away by ambulance.

At one point, Fraser took his partner to one side, "Is there any way to get help for that young man? I think he really needs some form of therapy, not prison."

"It depends on his record," replied Ray. "But I'll talk to Louise and see what she can do."

"Thank you, Ray." Fraser looked to see if they were visible to any of the other police, then kissed the other man. "I love you."

Ray gave Benny a quick squeeze around the shoulders. "Love you too, Benny." He had been surprised to hear Fraser say the word 'love.' While he knew that his partner loved him, he also knew how uncomfortable the words made him. He would say, "And I you," if Ray said he loved him, or "I know." Of course, Ray could see the love Benny had for him in his actions. But he hadn't realized how much he'd actually wanted to hear Benny say that he loved him until the Mountie had actually come out with the words.

It was a few hours before all the necessary details were dealt with, but eventually the detective and the Mountie were free to go. "C'mon, Benny, " announced Ray, "Ma's waiting dinner for us."

"I hope we didn't spoil her day," said Fraser sadly.

"She's used to my being called away in the middle of dinner. She may not be happy about it, but she understands."

"Your mother is a wonderful woman, Ray," commented his partner.

Ray grinned. "Yeah, she sure is."

Back at the Vecchio household the two men found plenty of food wrapped up and sitting next to the microwave. They each helped themselves and when the food was warm, Ray started for the living room where his brother-in-law and nephews were watching endless highlights and replays of the day's football games. Fraser stopped him. "Let's stay in here," he said, meaning the kitchen.

So Ray sat at the kitchen table where he ate his dinner and watched Benny eat his for awhile. Then he spoke. "All right, you've been giving me the 'I want to talk' look since we got back. What is it?"

Fraser sighed. "How do you do that, Ray?" he asked.

"Do what?"

"Know when I want to talk to you about something."

"You're my partner," said the Italian with a shrug. "I know you. So talk."

The Canadian started to say something, then stopped. He blinked a few times and took a deep breath, then started again. "Ray, today ... I really thought I was going to lose you."

Ray was around the table and at his lover's side in an instant. He put his arms around Benny and held him. "Ssh, it's all right, caro. I'm okay. You talked him out of shooting me."

"But what if I hadn't been there? It was sheer luck that I was."

"Benny, is this about the work thing again?" asked Vecchio with a sigh.

"I'm afraid it is, Ray. Listen to me, will you? Today, we weren't on duty. Neither of us was working, but we still ran into a dangerous situation. And we handled it together. Together, Ray. That's how it should be. You can't always keep me out of danger, nor I you, but as long as we're together, we can look out for each other. Please, Ray?"

"Don't give me the Big-Eyed Mountie Look, Fraser!" groaned Ray. He could never say 'no' to Benny when he saw that look. Benny didn't change his expression. Finally, Vecchio threw up his hands in mock surrender. "All right, all right. You win. We can work together again."

"I think we both win, Ray," said Benny.

Ray thought about that for a few moments. "Yeah, you're right. I missed you, Benny."

His lover kissed him. "And I missed you. I love you, Ray."

"Benny, did you just say that you love me?"

"Yes, I did. And I do. Why?"

"You never said it to me before."

"I'm sorry for that, Ray," said the Canadian apologetically.

Ray embraced his partner again. "It's okay, Benny. I always know that you love me, even when you don't say it. I was just wondering why you suddenly said it after all this time, and why you never said it before."

Fraser pulled back and looked at him. "The words are hard for me, Ray. I never heard them from my father, or my grandparents. I'm sure my mother said them but as you know, I was very young when she died. And my father frowned on expressions of emotion. He once told me he would have hit me if I'd told him that I loved him. "

"Benny, that's a horrible thing for a dad to say! I understand now why you never said it ... but what changed today?"

Benny's expression turned serious. "I could have lost you. You could have died without hearing me say that I love you." The tears threatened again and he buried his face in Ray's shoulder.

Ray sat and held Benny for a long time. Gradually the lights in the house were turned out and the every day noises of the Vecchio household quieted as everyone went to bed. Ray stood and held out his hand. "Come on, you can stay here tonight. I'll take you home in the morning."

Ben followed Ray upstairs and got into bed beside him. Ray snuggled up to him contentedly. Then he sighed.

"What is it, Ray?" Benny knew his partner too, and he knew when something was bothering him.

"I'm going to have those dreams again," Ray said.

"What dreams are those?"

"The dreams about you getting hurt whenever we go into a dangerous situation."

"I've been thinking about that, and I think I may have a solution to your problem," said Benny.

Ray turned over and looked at Fraser. "Yeah? What is it?"

"I'll just have to sleep with you every night," replied the Mountie.

"Not here," stated Ray.

"Of course not," answered Fraser.

"But I don't want to live in your rat trap apartment, either," Ray objected.

"Then we will have to find an apartment together."

Ray thought about that for a moment, then he smiled. "That sounds like a very good idea," he agreed. He was just about asleep when Benny spoke again.

"Are we partners again, Ray?" Benny asked.

"Yeah, Benny, we're partners."

"In everything?"

"In everything."

Fraser moved over and kissed him. "Good. I love you, Ray." The words got easier every time he said them.

The words thrilled Ray every time he heard them. "Love you too, Benny."

END

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