I do like your version much, much better than "COTW," so I agree with your brother. In your version, it doesn't seem as if Fraser chose RayK as his friend, and discarded his friendship with poor RayV. Instead, Fraser truly makes an effort to let both Rays know that neither one has replaced the other one as his friend. And I like your showing the thoughts and feelings of Fraser and both Rays, and the fact that each Ray feels somewhat threatened by the other one when they first meet. But it's wonderful that they do seem to be becoming friends by the end of the story.
Your RayK is still a little too whiny and self-pitying for my taste, but he's not quite as bad as he was in "COTW." Of course, he "wins" Fraser at the end of "COTW" because Fraser chooses him over RayV, and he seems to "win" Fraser here because he gets to continue working with Fraser. But I am hoping that he will allow Fraser to spend plenty of time with RayV, who really needs Fraser at the end of "COTW" so much more than RayK - the poor man is recovering from playing a mobster, after all.