Author's disclaimer: standard song and dance applies.
Author's notes: This is not a Benny/Ray slash story. It is a Benny/Ray meet Jim/Blair-in love story. Benny doesn't get to fall in love right now, because he's still reeling from Victoria's visit. That'll come in future stories, I promise.
If the title didn't give it away, this story directly follows "North."
<PRE>
Please send feedback to: tmtrx@earthlink.net
Northwest Territories, Canada -- 3 years ago
Ray Vecchio stared, horrified, at the sight before his eyes. He couldn't believe their luck. After everything they'd gone through, now they had to deal with a waterfall! He turned around and grabbed Fraser's arms. "What's the safest way to go down a waterfall, Benny?" He shouted to be heard over the roar that was steadily becoming louder.
He was stunned to see his best friend's blank gaze staring back at him, and he realized Benny wasn't going to be able to pull their fat out of the fire this time. Whether it was because his brain was still a little scrambled, or because he just didn't know, it was obvious the mountie wasn't going to have an answer for him.
Ray turned to look over his shoulder, muttering to himself, "Great. Just great. Probably the only time in our lives Benny'll ever be clueless, and I won't even be able to tease him about it, 'cause we're not gonna survive this." He heard a whimper at his feet, and realized he'd forgotten about Diefenbaker. "Shit, Dief. I hope you can swim, because we're goin' over." The wolf was standing on the raft at Fraser's feet, looking decidedly unhappy at this new turn of events.
The sound of the rushing water continued to grow louder, and the raft jostled hard against a jumble of rocks, almost pitching them all overboard. Dief chose that moment to jump ship. He barked once, in farewell, Ray grimly thought, and jumped into the river, swimming gamely for the shore. Ray watched his losing battle for only a few seconds, before turning to Benny and making his decision. "Okay, Benny. Sit down." He pushed the unresisting mountie into a sitting position on the raft, and sat down behind him, wrapping his arms around his friend's shoulders and grabbing his own wrists. He didn't know why Benny was all of a sudden so silent and still, but he hoped he would have a chance to find out later. As they got closer to the edge, he tightened his hold, until he was hugging Benny close against him. He watched in silent horror as he caught a glimpse of the wolf going over the edge as the water swept them closer to the point where it disappeared into empty air. He said a quick prayer for Dief, and hung on tight to Benny. Just as the raft began to tip, he whispered in Benny's ear, "Everything's going to be fine, Benny. I've got you." He didn't have time to worry about the returned silence because then they were falling towards the angry white froth churning so far below them.
Jim Ellison, Sentinel of the Great City of Cascade floated peacefully on his back staring up at the cloudless blue sky. He let his mind drift along with the slight current under him, content to let it move him wherever it may. The river spot he and his lover, Blair Sandburg, had found was idyllic, if a little chilly. Or polar bear-warm, as his better half so eloquently put it. "So cold, not even polar bears would swim in it!"
Blair was out in the woods somewhere close by. If he concentrated hard enough, Jim knew he could find him in a heartbeat, but they had been camping here for a few days, and he was fairly confident that they had scared away all the dangerous wildlife in the immediate area. Blair didn't enjoy being monitored all the time, so he turned his attention back to speculating on the color blue. He was trying to decide if Blair's eyes were a more crystalline blue than the patch of sky directly overhead, or if maybe it was more the color of Mime's feline blues, when he heard a startled yell from the direction of the huge waterfall upriver. All thoughts of the kitten's eyes flew out of his head as Jim flipped over and started swimming towards shore.
"Blair?" He stopped to yell, and kept swimming. There was no immediate response. He began to stroke in earnest until he reached the shore and started running when his feet hit the sand. "Sandburg!" This time he heard something yelled back, but not what he'd been hoping for.
"Shit! Oh god oh god oh god! Hey, buddy, come here. Let go of him for a second, I gotta see it to help him." Blair's tense mutterings rang in his ears as Jim continued to run towards the sound of his voice. He was no longer running in panic, but it sounded like someone was badly hurt. Thank god the camp was on his way, was all he let himself think, as he swung through, and quickly grabbed a first aid kit out of the tent as he ran through camp. He also grabbed the extra sleeping bag.
Two minutes later, he broke out of the forest and ran straight for the three men huddled on the sand.
Blair thought he was going to have a coronary; there was so much blood on the guy he'd just pulled from the river. Everyone was always talking about head wounds and how much they bled, but you never really thought about it until you had to hold a gash together yourself. He felt himself starting to hyperventilate again, and firmly told himself to get with it; this guy needed him right now. And the other guy didn't look so good, either. Blair glanced up, wondering if he was ready to talk yet.
When Blair first heard the yell, he'd thought it was Jim, and had jumped up from his writing to run down to Jim's preferred spot to see what was wrong. But, then he'd realized it came from the section of the river near him. Turning back around to face the river, he'd immediately caught sight of two men bobbing in the water. And, it looked like they were tied together somehow, because they weren't floating apart. He ran to the edge of the river, and started to wade in, when he realized that the strangers were slowly drifting closer to his side of the riverbank. One of the men was awake, and trying to steer them to safety. But, it wasn't working, so Blair looked around frantically for something to extend his reach, and naturally, all he could find was the proverbial tree branch. He didn't spare a thought for the clich, just grabbed it and desperately threw it out, hoping it would be long enough for the conscious man to reach. They missed the first time, but Blair followed as the current swept the men further downstream, and managed to find a calm little pool that fed into the river, and that's where he snagged the bedraggled and injured men.
As he pulled them in, the grad student realized that they weren't tied together, but that the unconscious man had his arms locked tight around his conscious friend, who sported a matching head wound. He must have an amazing grip, Blair mused briefly, before helping the stumbling man to shore. Together, they dragged the other man out of the water, and immediately the stranger began administering CPR. He wouldn't let Blair touch him to examine the other man's wound, but the anthropologist could see how bad it was. He must have hit his head on a rock, before he passed out. All of a sudden, the stranger was coughing and gasping weakly, "Benny." And lo and behold, the stranger had a voice!
"Yes, Ray. I'm here." Benny spoke to the man lying beside him, resting his hand lightly on Ray's shoulder.
"Benny, you okay?"
"Yes, Ray. I'm just fine. Thanks to you." He smiled a quiet smile, happy to be alive. Then he frowned, noticing his friend's injury, "Ray, you're bleeding!" He stared at the blood running down Ray's face, and sat down heavily on the ground beside him.
Ray reached up to feel before his friend could stop him, "Well, so are you Benny!" He reached up to touch the spot where Fraser's bandage had been. "Hey, d'you think I'll go blind this time?" He chuckled a little, and then started to cough. Benny and Blair held him on his side, while he coughed up some more of the Canadian river water. When Ray had himself under control again, he sat up a little, then thought better of it when his head began to swim. He lay back down and looking up, noticed Blair for the first time. "Hey, who are you? You got any band-aids, kid?"
Blair, irritated with being called "kid" yet again, settled back on his haunches, and opened his mouth to respond.
"Blair!" He looked up in relief, as an anxious, wet... and naked... Jim ran up to them, and stopped, panting a little from the sudden exertion. Blair drank in the sight, oblivious to everything but the muscled body of his lover. A wave of arousal swept over him and he met Jim's eyes, letting his appreciation, and a promise to nail him to the air mattress later that night show in his hot blue eyes. Then he shook himself, and turning back to the strangers, said, "My name's Blair Sandburg, and this is my partner, Jim Ellison."
"Hey thanks for draggin' us outta that river, Blair. I'm Ray Vecchio," he gestured at the man next to him, "and this is Constable Benton Fraser."
"I have a blanket in my backpack over there. Could you get it, Jim?" Under his breath, he muttered, "And put some clothes on, babe. Have some decency, man!"
Jim turned away, chuckling, not the slightest bit embarrassed about showing up nude. Years of communal showers had stripped him of practically all modesty. But, Blair was delightfully sensitive. Jim set up the first aid kit beside the injured men and spread the sleeping bag and blanket over them. He hadn't thought to grab a pair of shorts on his frantic dash through camp, so Blair was just going to have to suffer. He chuckled evilly to himself a little bit, while pulling out the gauze and antiseptic. Then he got down to business, surreptitiously pulling a corner of the blanket over himself, and began his examination of the two men.
"Are either one of you having any vision problems, headaches, that sort of thing?" He ran through the standard concussion check on both of them. Other than the bleeding, Ray seemed to be fine, if a little shaky from the fall. He sat quietly wrapped in the sleeping bag next to his friend, watching as Blair rebandaged Benny's cut.
"This is the second time Benny's hurt his head on this trip," he informed Jim quietly. Jim's eyebrows rose at that, and knelt in front of the other man, shining the flashlight in his eyes. There was no dilation at all.
"Shit," was the soft exhalation from his partner beside him.
"How long has your vision been gone, Constable Fraser?"
"What!" Ray was out of his bag and in front of his friend in a flash. "Why didn't you say anything!"
"Well, Ray, as I'm familiar with the effects from before, I am perfectly capable of going without my sight right now." He turned his head in Ray's direction, "And, you needed medical attention more than me, Ray. A head wound is not something to play around with," he added gravely.
Blair was dumbfounded. This guy was actively nuts. He took selflessness to extremes Blair had never seen before. He looked at Jim and saw that his partner was having the same trouble.
"Well, we know now, Constable Fraser, and we'll take care of you." Jim found his voice first, and reassured the stoic mountie as much as he could. "You said this happened before? When, and for how long? And when did it start this time?"
"It has only happened once before. For the last two days I have been blind due to injuries received in the plane crash. I had only just regained my sight when we started out on the river, about two hours ago." Blair was writing in his always-handy notebook as Fraser spoke. "And I was able to see until after Blair and I pulled Ray from the river. When I sat down, everything suddenly became dark."
"Were you injured in any other way?" Jim spoke, "And, were you hurt, too, Ray?"
"Nah, I was okay. Benny's legs went numb on him though. A little while after he went blind."
Jim was puzzled, he supposed it could have something to do with the head injury, but something else had to have caused it, and he said so. Fraser answered that question, because Ray grew strangely quiet then. "I was injured a few months ago." He stopped and felt his throat clench. He forced the words past, "A... bullet... lodged in my back, too close to a vertebrae for them to remove. I believe that is the reason for my legs going numb. The shock to my body so close to major trauma was too much for it to handle," he finished quickly, bowing his head, ashamedly thankful for his sudden blindness.
Ray felt like the knowledge of what he'd done was all over his face, so he kept his head turned away while Benny spoke of the bullet he'd put in his best friend's back. The amount of pain that Benny had been through showed in his voice, and it was all he could do to keep the tears he could feel lurking, in check. Ray wanted so badly to make everything better. To make his bullet disappear and repair the gaping hole in Benny's tender heart. He wondered, briefly, if he was feeling this much pain, how much was Benny feeling? It was times like this that he wished, desperately, to comfort his friend. But, Benny held himself so apart from everyone else, even his adopted family, that Ray never felt a comforting touch, like a hug, would be welcome. As a cop, with enough college under his belt to be dangerous, he recognized why; abandonment issues were pretty basic stuff, but knowing didn't make the feeling go away. He wanted Benny to realize that he really was a member of Ray's family now. Dief had known from day one that he was welcome. Oh god, Dief! He looked up suddenly, and grabbed Benny's forearm in a panic. "Benny! Where's Dief?"
Ben's head shot up and he tried to jump to his feet, but was hampered by Ray's hand on his arm and Blair's sudden grip on his other arm. "Ray! No!" He looked around frantically, now cursing his blindness and trying to hear all around him, fighting the restraining hands holding him. "Let me go! No! Diefenbaker!" Fraser finally bellowed, straining to hear the responding bark. Nothing. He felt himself begin to lose control, and desperately channeled it into calling for his dear friend, mortified at his own behavior but frantic to have Dief back. "Diefenbaker! Dief! Diefenbaker!" He continued to yell, straining his voice, but only pausing every ten seconds to listen. Then he heard it. A very distant bark. He turned his head to face his wolf, and yelled again. "Diefenbaker! We're here, Dief!" Beside him, Ray slumped in relief. Thank the lord he was safe. He never again wanted to see that horrifying, devastated look on Benny's face when he realized that Dief wasn't with them.
Jim and Blair looked at each other. Blair couldn't hear anything, but he watched his partner as Jim concentrated his hearing in the direction that Fraser was now facing. He broke into a grin as Jim nodded his head. Interesting. He made a few notes in his notebook. Very interesting. He looked up as he heard a distinct bark coming from the direction Jim had been swimming earlier. The dog must have gone over the waterfall before the two men, for him to be so far downriver. He looked up from his note taking at Jim's startled gasp. "What's wrong, Jim?"
He did a double take. "Shit! Is that a wolf?"
Ray answered absentmindedly, as he watched a beautiful, white wolf run full-tilt into Benny's waiting arms. "Half-wolf, actually. He and Benny are from around here." He watched Benny hug Dief tightly to him, while the wolf whined worriedly and licked at Benny's re-bandaged wound, clearly asking what the hell had happened now. As Benny and Dief greeted and reassured each other, Ray realized that his friend wasn't so cut off emotionally as he'd originally thought. From the very beginning of their friendship, he'd seen this connection between man and wolf and never understood it. What kind of sane man carries on a conversation with an animal? But, since then, he'd observed some very strange behavior that he was sure wasn't normal wolf-behavior, and had found himself talking back to Dief sometimes. Ray realized he was mumbling to himself, and looked over at Blair and Jim, who were watching bemusedly. "Hey, you guys got a campsite around here, somewhere? I think I could sleep for a week I'm so tired. And, Benny needs to rest, doesn't he?"
"Yeah, we've got a site about two minutes from here." Jim pointed back the way he had come from earlier. He helped Fraser stand as Blair helped Ray, and they wrapped the two men into the sleeping bag as best they could, Diefenbaker standing quietly by his friend's side. Together, they all set off towards Jim and Blair's campsite, Jim guiding Fraser's steps surreptitiously.
To get the two men's minds off the rapidly cooling evening air, Blair asked Ray what he did for a living.
"I'm a detective in Chicago. Benny's a mountie, at the Canadian consulate."
"Cool! Jim's a detective back in Cascade. What's a mountie doing in Chicago?"
"He first came to Chicago on the trail of the killers of his father, and for reasons that don't need going into at this juncture, he has remained, attached as liaison with the Canadian Consulate." Ray recited, because Benny was concentrating too hard on not falling. "Are you a detective too, Blair?" Ray's voice was skeptical.
"Nah," Blair laughed good-naturedly. "I'm a grad student in anthropology at Rainier, observing Jim in the field. I'm doing my dissertation on closed societies."
"So you ride-along with him?" Ray was surprised. He'd heard about Cascade's crime rate, most detectives had. Blair was obviously tougher than he initially came across. One of these days he'd learn not to make snap judgments about people.
"Why are you two in the Northwest Territories?"
"We're on vacation. A friend of mine spent some time up here a few years ago, doing research on storytelling and its role in primitive cultures." Blair stepped around a tree root and continued speaking, grateful for the change of subject away from his role in his partner's job. "Jim needed to get away from policework for awhile, and Kevin had always raved about the wilderness in this area. How big it is and untouched by human hand. So I looked into it, and we decided to try it. We've been here for a week, and it's done wonders for us." He smiled privately to himself, thoughts of the past week's activities warming his insides. "I love it here."
"I'm sorry about your father, Benny," Jim spoke softly to Fraser, as he helped him around a fallen branch. The mountie looked in his direction, surprised. "Thank you kindly, Detective Ellison." He looked like he would say more, but stumbled on another branch and would have fallen, if Jim hadn't grabbed him. Fraser turned his head to Jim and smiled gratefully. Jim smiled inwardly at the look on his face. He wondered if Blair had noticed the exchange and looked over at him to see. Yep, sure enough, Blair was looking at him with sparkling eyes and a small grin. He grinned back and winked.
"Finally, we're here!" Ray exclaimed, unknowingly interrupting the moment. "I'm starving, Benny, how about you?" He was very hungry all of a sudden and not in the least bit tired.
"Not really Ray. I'm rather tired and I would like to lay down for awhile, if that's all right, Detective Ellison?" He stood, swaying, as Jim kept a firm grip so he wouldn't fall.
"Call me Jim, and I think that would be a good idea right now Benny," He turned to Blair. "Could you take care of food, while I get him settled?" Blair, who had that look on his face again, just nodded and pulled Ray with him to the campfire. Jim carefully guided Fraser into the provisions tent they had set up on the opposite end of the clearing from their sleeping tent. He had put the extra kerosene, tools, and other miscellaneous camping equipment in the tent so they could keep one to live out of. Dief followed them in and settled down with his head in a quiet Fraser's lap. Jim wanted to get him out of his damp clothes and warmed up as soon as possible, so he quickly removed everything except the spare mattresses and the other sleeping bag. While Fraser waited for the air mattress to fill, Jim threw on a pair of jeans and a pair of socks, gathered some spare clothes from his and Blair's tent and took the food to his partner, who was building the fire into a healthy burn.
"Is Benny asleep yet?"
Jim smiled at Ray briefly on his way back through. "Almost. He was talking to Dief when I came out here." He threw a bundle of clothes at him. "Here. Go change before you catch a chill on top of that concussion."
Ray caught them, and turned back to the fire, wrapping the sleeping bag tighter around himself. "Thanks." There wasn't enough room in that tent for three grown men, so he'd wait until Jim was out before going in to change. He caught the look that Blair threw Jim as the other man turned away to go back to Benny. Hm. Wonder if that's what it looked like? Ray grinned to himself. Looks like he and Benny had stumbled into someone's romantic getaway. Although, why they'd come up here to the back end of nowhere was beyond him. He understood Benny's attachment, but personally, he'd never been that enchanted with the great outdoors, and really didn't see the attraction in 'getting away from it all.'
"So, Blair, is Cascade really as crime-ridden as we hear in Chicago?"
Jim grinned to himself as he heard his partner's cheerful reply, and knew that he and the detective would be involved for a while. Ducking his head, he entered the tent quietly, hoping that Benny hadn't gone to sleep yet. He was lying on the tarp next to the mattress, quietly talking, to his wolf, Jim thought. Then, he caught a glimmer of something out of the corner of his eye, and all of a sudden wasn't so sure. No, he had to be talking to the wolf, there's no one else here. "Benny, I brought you some dry clothes."
Fraser looked up and smiled tiredly. "Thank you kindly, Detective Ellison."
"It's Jim, Benny," he repeated. "Blair and I are from a pretty informal department." He helped the other man to sit up. "Let's get you out of these wet clothes and into bed, all right?" Fraser wordlessly pulled his jacket off and reached down to unlace his boots. "I'll do that, why don't you get your shirt off and put this one on?" Jim wrestled the soaked boots off and checked his toes for possible frostbite, relieved to find no signs. He didn't think it would happen, but he had to be sure Benny had no hidden injuries to complicate his major ones. The other man had a dry t-shirt and one of Jim's old sweatshirts on, but hadn't started on his jeans yet. "Do you need help with your jeans, Benny?"
"No, thank you kindly, Detec... Jim. I think I can manage." Fraser put his hands to his waistband and stopped, blushing.
"I'll turn around, Benny, but I'm not leaving until you're settled." Jim turned around and sat, facing the door of the tent, smiling a little at the mountie's modesty. That's when he realized he'd been running around in the nude until just recently. No wonder he was uncomfortable. He probably thought Jim was a nudist.
"Det... Jim." Benny's voice had a pleading note to it, so Jim turned around. His pale face was bright red, and he hadn't been able to get his wet jeans off of his hips, they seemed to be stuck to his skin. Jim almost laughed until he saw how miserable Benny was.
"Here, hold onto your boxers, while I pull. Got 'em?" He waited for the nod, and then pulled on the bunched material at his knees. They came down over his hips slowly but surely, then it was easy to pull them off from the bottom. Benny lay there exhausted, so Jim toweled his legs dry. Then he realized he still had wet boxers on. "Benny? We need to get all of you dry." He elaborated when he just got a puzzled look in return. "Your boxers are still wet, you need to put on dry ones."
Fraser was mortified, but he was so tired. He didn't care about sleeping in wet boxers or dry boxers he just wanted to sleep. For years and years. He didn't care about anything anymore. He was just so tired. Dief snuffled in his ear, but he couldn't bring himself to turn his head towards the wolf. Detective Ellison. No, Jim, smelled good. Like pine and clean water, and sweat. Like home. A thump-thump, thump-thump distracted him from his musings and he turned his head slightly towards the sound. Ah, Dief. Warm and furry and comforting, right by his side. Dief was always right there, protecting, encouraging, annoying, right where Fraser needed him.
Jim watched as Benny blushed yet again, then seemed to forget Jim was there and begin to drift, turning his head slightly towards the supine wolf. He made a decision and quickly stripped him of his wet underwear, replacing it with a pair of his own sleeping shorts, followed by a pair of sweats and thick socks. Jim pulled the unresisting man into the sleeping bag and zipped him in, lying on his side facing Dief. He watched the wolf scoot in closer to his friend, and whine, faintly. He found himself wanting to stretch out on the other side, protecting this seemingly fragile man from whatever demons were beating him down. Jim had no idea why his 'Blessed Protector' alarms were going off all over for Benny, but they were. He'd have to ask Blair about it later, for now, he'd settle with putting the man to sleep. He started with Benny's head and neck and worked his way down, stroking through the sleeping bag. Blair would recognize the motions as the same petting Jim gave him after one of those all too frequent cases had left him shaking and crying out in the middle of the night. During their first months working together, the detective would descend the stairs to Blair's room and with the same long, firm strokes banish the bad thoughts away long enough for his partner to sleep dreamlessly. A brush through the thick dark hair, down the pale neck and over the shoulder, continuing to the elbow, then back up through the hair. Then long sweeps down across the broad shoulders. Jim repeated the soothing motions, until he heard the exhausted man's soft breathing even out into peaceful sleep.
Fraser felt the hands, but was too tired to protest, and after a second, decided it felt too good anyway. Nothing he'd ever felt had been this good. Not even his limited sexual experiences included anything like this. All of a sudden, a tactile memory rushed to the surface of his thoughts, along with a soft voice, "It was just a nightmare, Benton. Go to sleep, sweetheart. I'll stay with you all night. Go to sleep. I love you." He let the cherished memory wash over him and lull his exhausted mind and body into a peaceful sleep.
Ray and Blair looked up as Jim came to the fire, shrugging into an old sweatshirt left over from basic training. Funny how those PT clothes never actually died. Jim hadn't met a former serviceman yet, who didn't have at least one ragged old grass-stained t-shirt in the back of a dresser somewhere. He stopped to scoop out some of Blair's stew and then sat down heavily on the ground beside him.
"How's Benny doing?" Ray asked worriedly. He wanted to check for himself, but didn't want to wake him up.
"He's fine. He's sleeping now, and the wolf is watching him." Jim shook his head. "That's quite a sight, gotta tell you."
"Yeah, if I hadn't been living with it for the last two years, I wouldn't believe it either. It's scary sometimes how much Dief seems to know."
"Oh yeah? Like what?" Blair asked, curious. He'd never met a wolf dog before, but he'd always heard they could be unpredictable. That you really couldn't trust them. But, Diefenbaker seemed different somehow, not really like a wolf or a dog. He started to ask more, but was interrupted by Jim.
"Can you guys talk about it tomorrow? Ray needs to change. He's been in those damp clothes too long now. The last thing he needs is to catch cold."
All of a sudden, Ray realized that he was freezing, "Yeah, I think I'll turn in." He stood up and started to head in the direction of the tent, then stopped and came back to the fire. Ray held out his hand to the two men sitting there, "Thank you. Thank you for pulling Benny and me from the river, Blair. We can't repay you enough."
"You're welcome, Ray." "It was our pleasure, Ray," came the quiet replies.
He shook their hands solemnly, then turned back around and walked over to the tent at the edge of the little clearing, lit in the forest night only by the light of the fire behind him. Ray quietly unzipped the door and concentrated on figuring out where Benny was so he didn't accidentally crawl over him. He saw Dief lift his head and snort a little in welcome, then lay his head back down on Benny's shoulder. The wolf had insinuated himself right into his friend's sleeping bag. Ray snorted at that, so much for roughing it, huh Dief! He looked at the other side of the tent and saw that Jim had set up a second mattress for him, with a blanket spread out over it. Hey, a mattress! Much more comfortable than dirt! He quickly stripped, then wrapped back up again in the sleeping bag and laid down. Ray thought he was way too excited and pumped on adrenaline to sleep, but as soon as his head hit the pillow, he was out.
Jim stared at the flickering flames of the campfire and drifted, idly going over the day's events while finishing off his bowl of stew. Sighing in contentment, he pulled his knees up and tilted his head sideways, to lean on Blair's warm thigh, wrapping his arms around his bent knees. Blair rubbed his neck and shoulders lightly, then ran his fingers over the brush-cut, enjoying the feel of the soft hair.
"How is Fraser doing?"
Jim sank into the warmth of the hands moving over him and replied sleepily, "He's exhausted and sort of drifted in and out. I had to finish dressing him. He knew the wolf was there, but I'm not sure he knew I was. He needs to be woken up a few times tonight, because of the concussion." He rubbed his face on the denim-covered thigh. "I'm worried about this being his second head injury in three days."
"Well, tomorrow, we'll let him rest, then the day after that, we'll head back to Inuvik. It's a three-day walk, but we can get him looked at by a doctor there. Maybe it's hysterical blindness and he'll be okay tomorrow. But, if not, we'll take care of him. Don't worry about it too much, love." Blair pushed gently at Jim's shoulders, and stood up when he moved. "Let's go to bed. You need your rest if you're going to be getting up every few hours tonight." Jim reached up for a hand and was heaved to his feet by his partner. He stood wrapped in Blair's strong arms for a few minutes, sharing slow warm kisses, enjoying the physical closeness, before turning away to grab the blanket. Blair banked the fire and then headed into the tent. He listened to Jim as the Sentinel walked the perimeter of their campsite and made a last check on the other two men, before coming to their own tent. Blair finished arranging the blankets and sleeping bag, then stripped. Shivering, he curled up under the covers. He was lying there, determinedly thinking warm thoughts, when Jim opened the tent flaps and crawled in, letting in more of the misty night air. The breeze made Blair burrow deeper into the warmth. "Everything okay out there, big guy?" He mumbled tiredly. The more he lay there, the warmer he got, and the sleepier he got. He squinted as Jim lit a lantern. "What are you looking for?"
"I'm just putting my clothes away," was the calm reply, as if it was perfectly natural to treat your outdoors nylon tent like the guest bedroom of your excruciatingly tidy great-aunt Edna. Smiling slightly, he watched his lover undress and neatly pack away the jeans and flannel shirt, putting his dirty socks into the laundry bag. It was moments like this, when Blair was reminded, yet again, that some of those really old, worn-out gay stereotypes had to come from somewhere. "You about done, sweetheart?" He yawned mightily and opened the warm double sleeping bag invitingly.
Jim flicked off the lantern and crawled, smiling, into his lover's open arms, "Mmm. This is nice, Blair." He snuggled down into the blankets and wrapped himself around his lover, holding him tight against the northern forest chill. Jim lay there quietly, listening to the younger man's rhythmic breathing when he felt a hand move on his thigh. It stroked once, twice, then again, a firm touch, as anything lighter might have been ticklish. Blair bent his leg and ran his foot down Jim's shin, holding him close against his back with a hand gripping the back of the other man's neck. Jim didn't try to resist the grip that Blair had on him, but turned his head so that he was resting his cheek on the back of Blair's head. He waited quietly, enjoying the petting, and wondered how far his lover would go tonight.
He couldn't do much in this position, so Blair released Jim briefly, and turned over so they were chest to chest. He scooted up a little in their nest, allowing Jim to take his favorite position - his ear resting over Blair's heart. He brought his foot up again, and slowly brushed it over the back of Jim's calves, while rubbing the strong back with his hands. Blair kneaded the firm flesh, murmuring loving nonsense, knowing the sound of his voice would help prevent his lover from becoming lost too far into the sensations of Blair's strong hands and feet on his body.
They had learned soon after adding a sexual side to their relationship that Jim could very easily become a slave to his own body. Often enough to frighten, his senses would get away from him, and he became lost. In the field, Blair was always able to bring his partner back from an almost or full zone-out, but bringing intense pleasure into the equation had proved to be disastrous on occasion. Jim was still so happy and relieved and excited over their new relationship that he had trouble denying himself the full sensual experience that his enhanced senses granted him. He would become lost in the sensations.
Blair, at first, was ecstatic that Jim was letting himself out of his shell, and he didn't seriously try to prevent the occasional short zone-out. Until the night his Sentinel lover deliberately put himself in a zone while Blair was inside him, and had been torn. After that night, the two men had started from scratch, with Blair taking the lead in their lovemaking.
A soft snore brought him out of his musings and he looked down to see his Sentinel sleeping peacefully, lulled by the light massage and familiar heartbeat of his beloved Guide.
"Goodnight James. I love you," Blair whispered as he settled into sleep.
Ray's eyes flew open, instantly awake. The noise that woke him came again, and he turned his head to look towards the other side of the tent. Benny. He was twisted up in the sleeping bag, tossing his head restlessly. Dief whined quietly at Ray, confused. It looked like Benny was having a nightmare. Ray had just gotten untangled from his own bag, when Fraser let out a terrified cry, "NO!"
Vecchio was by his side in a flash. "Benny! Benny, wake up, buddy." He shook the trembling body lightly. But, Fraser was trapped in his nightmare and didn't respond. Ray shook the shaking man again, "Benny? Come on, Benny. Wake up. It's just a dream, Benny. It can't hurt you. Wake up Benny." He was just starting to panic a little when Fraser's eyes opened.
"ray?"
He heaved a sigh of relief. "Yeah. I'm here, Benny. You okay?" Before his friend could respond, someone unzipping the tent interrupted them. A voice preceded the big shape into the tent.
"Vecchio? Benny? What's wrong? I heard a scream." Jim crouched on the other side of Fraser, touching his face in concern. He felt the wetness but understood that it would embarrass the other man if he mentioned the tears.
Ray glared across the dark tent at the man stroking Benny's face. He wanted to yank the other man's hand away from his friend. How dare he touch Benny like that! How dare he call him 'Benny.' Ray hadn't realized how proprietary he felt about that old nickname he'd given the his friend. But, that's how he felt. It was his job to take care of his family. Benny had been adopted into the Vecchio family and he was very protective of them all. He opened his mouth to tell Ellison off, when he glanced down at Benny and the words stuck in his throat.
Fraser had his eyes closed and looked for all the world like he was enjoying Ellison's caress. His body was starting to relax, and he looked calmer than Ray had seen in many weeks. Seeing this, he didn't have the heart to berate the man for making his friend so comfortable. So, sighing quietly, he rubbed Benny's arm and whispered, "Benny? Do you want to talk about it?" Knowing full well the reticent mountie would not want to talk about his nightmare, he wasn't expecting an answer so he just sat quietly with his friend. Diefenbaker rested his head on Fraser's shoulder so they were cheek to cheek.
Jim turned his head as Blair poked his head in the tent. "Hey, how's he doing?"
"He's okay. Just a scare."
The Sentinel returned his attention back to the injured man. Blair watched as he gently caressed the other man's face, wiping more of the fear and pain away with each stroke. On hands and knees he crawled over to his lover's side, and curled up, winding a possessive arm around his middle.
"She shot Diefenbaker." Fraser's eyes opened, staring blindly into the darkness. He was tense again, as images from the nightmare suddenly replayed themselves in his head. "Ray, she shot Dief!"
Patting his chest lightly, Ray answered sadly, "Yeah, Benny. She did. But, he's okay now. See? He's right here beside you." He tucked the sleeping bag tighter around his friend, ignoring the other two men for the moment. "Is that what you were dreaming about, Benny?"
"You died too, Ray." The sightless blue eyes closed again. "She blew up the Riv... I saw you trying to get out ... and then she blew it up... i wanted to die too ... why didn't you kill me? it hurts..." Benny's voice cracked unexpectedly, and he cleared his throat roughly, before turning on his side, burying his face in the wolf's thick coat. Fraser's body shook as he tried to control the emotions battering his tenuous control.
Fraser fervently wished he could open his eyes and see more than this grey nothing he'd been living in for the last few days. He could feel his control slipping away no matter how hard he tried to contain the emotions. While he was in the hospital, it had been a close thing, but he'd managed to lock away all the anger and fear he felt. He knew that no good would come from blaming Ray. The detective hadn't meant to shoot him, and he had honestly thought Victoria was pointing a gun at Fraser. It was an accident. He'd simply gotten in the way. And, he didn't want to add to Ray's guilt. His friend blamed himself too much already. But, now he was having those horribly confusing nightmares again. Old cases mingling with Victoria and Ray's death, so realistic that he often woke up convinced Ray had died and that he was alone again. Dying on the train platform was almost better than reliving it over and over again.
He chastised himself for thinking so defeatist. It gets you nowhere, Benton Fraser. You were actually going to go with Victoria; you deserve everything that has happened to you. So, just deal with it. He felt the anger well up from that deep and ugly place inside of him, and almost choked trying to keep it down. Fraser felt himself gagging uncontrollably, the effort to contain the tears of anger and humiliation too much for his injured body to try and deal with. He surrendered himself to the strong hands around him and released himself to drift away on the waves of nausea, fear, and rage that sought to drown him.
Ray watched, heartbroken, as the strongest man he knew lost his battle for control and lay, crying quietly, against Dief's soft fur. He laid his hands on his friend's strong shoulder, joining with Ellison and the kid to comfort his friend. It was hard to hear Benny reliving the car bomb that had killed their friend and colleague, Louis Gardino.
Nothing the three men tried was calming the suffering man and he didn't seem to realize they were talking to him, Benny was so caught up in his twisted memories again. The crying jag suddenly stopped, like a switch had been thrown, and then Benny was gagging, his body dry-heaving violently in the attempt to force the nonexistent contents of his stomach out of his system.
"Benny!" Ray tried to move Dief away from Fraser, but his hands had spasmed and were now clutched in the wolf's fur.
"Don't worry about the wolf, Ray. He's fine. Help me get Benny on his side, so he doesn't suffocate. Blair..."
"I'm right here, Jim."
"Can you cover his legs with the extra blankets and sleeping bag? We need to keep him warm, so he doesn't go into shock." He crouched by the sick man's head, listening carefully to Benny's choking gasps as Ray rubbed the heaving chest reassuringly. The gagging had stopped, but he still wasn't breathing properly, so Jim massaged tense shoulders and back muscles, while Ray continued rubbing his chest, until finally the ragged exhalations began to calm. He listened to Benny's lungs, one hand on Blair for control, and tried to determine if there was fluid there. The detective was relieved to find none. The threat of pneumonia was very real, with the amount of river water Fraser had ingested recently.
Ray pulled the covers up over Fraser's silent form, re-tucking them warmly. Rain had started to fall and provided a soothing trip-trip-tripping background to the worried men inside the muggy tent. "Benny?" He said quietly. There was no response. His best friend was out cold, exhausted from the strain. Ray looked up at the big detective sitting across from him, "What happened to him?" He demanded. "I've never seen him lose control like that! He never gets sick!" The Italian tried to keep his voice down, but he was furious. He was also afraid for Benny. The mountie needed a doctor and they were in the middle of nowhere, days away from proper medical facilities.
"That's why this happened, Ray." Blair's voice was subdued as he sat, huddled against Jim for warmth. "You can't stay in control forever. Our bodies aren't made to withstand that much strain. Eventually, keeping everything in becomes physically impossible. That's what happened to Fraser. Did you notice that he was fine until he started reliving the nightmare again? He just couldn't keep all his emotions inside anymore. So, he just... exploded." He yawned hugely behind a hand. "It's actually kind of related to post-traumatic stress disorder."
"Chief..." Jim's voice was quiet, but Blair stopped, and looked sheepishly at Ray.
"Sorry. I get a little carried away sometimes when I'm tired."
"When you're tired, Chief?"
Blair just grinned sleepily, and seeing Ray was frowning down at his friend, "Hey. Fraser'll be okay. You'll see. It was just a rough night. I'll fix oatmeal and raisins in the morning. I bet that'll cheer him up."
Ray laughed quietly. Yeah, Benny would get a real kick out of oatmeal for breakfast. His ma made it for him every time he had to spend the night at the Vecchio home. He always told a story about growing up in the Territories over breakfast, which usually resulted in the Vecchio children playing dog sled for the next week. Thank god Diefenbaker liked kids.
Jim watched Blair crawl out of the tent, knowing he should be following his lover. But, he felt drawn to Benny in a way that he hadn't felt since he first laid eyes on a young grad student in a white doctor's coat. This time it wasn't a sexual connection, even though he'd caught Benny looking at him, and had smelled the musk of pheromones while helping him back to the campsite. He'd responded instantaneously to Blair upon their first meeting, but with Benny it wasn't there. Unfortunately, he didn't have any other explanation. And, Jim had caught his Guide watching him several times today. But, he didn't feel guilty; he knew this feeling was platonic, whatever it was. He knew, as soon as he brought it up, the grad student would tell him all about the theory he had to explain it. He always had a theory. But, Jim wasn't ready to deal with another disruption to his nice, comfortable life. Benny was sick and hurt and attracted to Jim, but that's all it was. No Sentinel stuff was involved at all. Maybe if he repeated it in his head enough times, he'd start to believe it. Shaking his head at himself, Jim quietly said goodnight to Vecchio and crawled out into the cold wet night.
Ray wrapped himself up in the sleeping bag, and scooted as close to the sleeping mountie as he dared without waking him. He watched Benny sleep for a minute or two, and remembered his ma's parting words at the airport, "You take good care of my boy, Raimundo. Bring him back well." With his mother's words ringing in his ears, he leaned over and kissed his best friend's forehead gently. "Sleep well, caro."
Benton Fraser woke up to stifling heat and the truly awful smell of stale bile. He opened his eyes and found that he was covered in two blankets and a sleeping bag. Sitting up, he pushed them off and stretched carefully. Ray was sleeping peacefully beside him and Diefenbaker was nowhere to be seen. The smell was overwhelming now. It was all he could concentrate on and he couldn't believe Ray hadn't woken up from it by now. Suddenly anxious to get out of the small enclosure, he crawled out of the tent and out into the open air.
He stood up straight and stretched his arms upward, throwing his head back and reaching for the sky. He felt good. The nightmare last night was just that: a nightmare. And, his sight was back again. His father always said things look better in the morning, and right now he wanted to believe that. Fraser was determined not to let Victoria invade his dreams again. That chapter of his life was closed forever and he never wanted to open it again.
Wrinkling his nose distastefully, he realized he could still smell the tent. That was strange; he shouldn't have been able to. Looking down, he checked his clothes, but found no stains. A shout from the campfire drew his attention away and the lingering scent was forgotten.
"Good morning, Jim. Blair." He sat down easily on one of the logs near the fire and accepted a steaming mug from the younger man, oblivious to the stares from the two men. He was gratified to discover it contained tea. "Thank you kindly. May I compliment you on your choice of tea?"
"Um. Fraser?"
"Yes, Blair?"
"When did you get your eyesight back?"
"I was able to see clearly this morning when I woke up." Jim finished stirring his pot and scooped out a bowl of oatmeal. He took it to Fraser himself, wanting to check him out for himself. It was very likely that Benny was fooling himself, and was covering up how he really felt. As Jim handed him the bowl of food, he surreptitiously checked the seated man's pulse and respiration. He was within normal readings, so Jim stood up with a sigh. As he turned to go back to Blair, he heard a soft voice. "I'm fine, Jim. But thank you for checking." Aloud, Fraser said, "My compliments to the chef. Is there any more?"
"I made extra because I wasn't sure how much you and Ray have eaten recently."
"Benny!" Ray's panicked voice interrupted the quiet morning. He stuck his head out of the tent, ready to yell again, when he saw his friend sitting safely by the fire, eating his oatmeal. "Benny, you okay?"
"Yes, Ray. I'm fine. Come join us. Jim and Blair have made a wonderful pot of oatmeal for breakfast."
"Oatmeal, huh?" Ray grinned.
"Yes, Ray. Oatmeal. And tea."
"Tea! Doesn't anyone drink coffee anymore?" Ray sat down beside Benny, wrapping his sleeping bag around him. "Brr. It's cold this morning." He looked over at Jim. "Please tell me you made coffee too."
Blair laughed a little, as Ray accepted his coffee from the other detective. "Yeah, Jim isn't big on tea either, so I always have coffee packed when we camp. He makes a mean cup of java." He placed a warm hand on Jim's back and rubbed lightly while he talked. Blair knew Jim was prone to backaches when they camped, no matter how thick the air mattress or sleeping bags. Plus, it was an excuse to touch the bigger man, something Jim soaked up like a sponge.
Jim silently handed over the mug of coffee he'd prepared when he first heard Ray get up. He silently observed the interaction between the two men from Chicago, confused. At first, Jim had thought they were lovers, from the way that Ray worried and fussed over Benny. Now, he wasn't so sure. Vecchio obviously cared for his friend, but Jim didn't notice the usual sort of physical closeness he, himself had always enjoyed with his lovers. Maybe they were too far in the closet. Jim had overheard Vecchio speaking in Italian to Benny, so if he was Italian, then he was most likely Catholic. That would fit the closeted relationship theory. Maybe they weren't together, but keeping the attraction secret from the other? Was Benny in love with Ray and afraid to say something? Jim watched him discretely from across the fire, unconsciously leaning into his lover's light massage. Benny hadn't sneaked a look at his friend once in the whole conversation, but had been acting normally. Not like a man hiding a big secret. So Jim looked at Vecchio. But, he didn't seem to be acting furtively, either. Jim snorted, suddenly disgusted with himself. Just because he and Blair were hopelessly in love, didn't mean everyone else was too! Get over yourself, Ellison!
He looked up at the sudden halt in conversation, to see the other three men staring at him. "What?"
"You okay, Jim?" Blair grinned at him. "Where have you been? We were just planning the rest of today. Fraser says there are some cool caves around here. And, he also has contacts with the local Inuit population. He thinks he might be able to swing me an interview with one of their Shaman when we get to Inuvik."
"Sounds great, Chief." Jim refilled his coffee cup and stood up, ready to get a start on the day. "You think you're up to it, Benny?"
Fraser didn't dignify the question with a response, just tilted his head and looked at the detective.
Jim stared back; just to see what the other man would do. He saw Benny's eyes darken suddenly, and grinned inwardly. So, the other man was attracted to him. Jim wondered if Ray would catch on and interrupt the intimate moment, but when he looked over, Ray was already headed for the tent. Blair had noticed, though. Oops. He'd have to explain the first chance he got. Glancing back to Benny, he saw that he had left too. It was too late to back up the impromptu experiment with his sense of smell.
"Jim."
"Relax, Chief. I was just conducting a little test. Like one of yours."
"Jim."
"And it's just a harmless little bit of lust. He'll get over it. I'm certainly not going to start anything, you know I'm devoted to you."
"Jim." A little louder this time.
"And Ray didn't see it, so he can't be jealous about something he didn't see, right?"
"Jim!" Blair was laughing now, and Jim was starting to get annoyed. This was not how he expected a lover to react to his flirting.
"What, Sandburg?"
Blair leaned forward, conspiratorially, and said, "Jim, Ray and Fraser aren't lovers."
"How do you know?"
"Because Ray told me so last night, while you were taking care of Fraser."
Jim was confused; Vecchio didn't seem the type to divulge personal information like that to a total stranger. "Why would he tell you?"
"He told me because I asked. He had us figured out fairly quickly and was curious. Ray's not a bigot, Jim. I guess he just wanted to be straight with me." He winced playfully, "Pardon the pun. And, you know, talking around a nighttime campfire can be pretty freeing. We talked about a lot of stuff. He knows that Benny's gay, by the way. Although, from the story he told me about how they got here, I think Fraser's probably bisexual. There was this woman, see..."
Jim listened as Blair's voice wove a heartbreaking tale of betrayal and desperation, as he gathered up stuff for a morning hike to their 'spot.' He wished now he hadn't pulled that little stunt earlier. Benny didn't need any more confusion in his life, it sounded like he had enough already. Blair grabbed up the backpack and led them out.
"Ray!" Jim called the detective out and told them where they'd be if Ray and Benny needed anything.
He followed Blair down the path to a secluded spot they had found while hiking. The bright morning sun shone down, warming their backs as they walked along.
"Blair?"
"Hmm?" The younger man was idly watching the tree shadows, enjoying the peace and quiet.
"Have you noticed anything weird about Benny?"
"Weird? No." He looked puzzled. Blair glanced back at the telltale silence behind him and stopped. "What? Oh, you mean the hearing thing?" He turned back around and continued walking. Jim followed, shaking his head.
"I'm not that surprised, actually. Ray told me that Benny grew up out here. He knows it like the back of his hand. And, did you notice the look on his face when he got up this morning? The smell from when he was sick last night should have been almost gone. But, he smelled it from outside the tent." He stopped speaking to climb over a fallen tree.
"So you think he's a Sentinel."
"Not necessarily, Jim. Yes, it's very possible. Yes, there is very little I wouldn't give to test his senses. Yes, he could back up all of the research I've done with you. But, you know what?" Blair stopped again. They were at the river now, standing on a little grassy area overlooking the riverbank. He looked around and sighed happily. "After all is said and done, it doesn't matter to me if he is or isn't. You are the only person with heightened senses I care about. I love you." Blair wrapped his arms around the Sentinel and kissed him, trying to convey all he felt with one kiss.
Jim sighed into Blair's mouth. His heart actually skipped a beat at his lover's declaration. The words were still so rare and new, he was literally tingling in response.
Blair's tongue captured his attention as it swiped across his palate and the roof of his mouth, a move that always made Jim's knees weak. This time was no exception, and the two of them sank to the soft green grass, still locked in their passionate embrace. Jim tipped his head back slightly and gasped.
"God, Blair! I love the way you taste."
Blair laughed delightedly at the Sentinel's enthusiasm. Sex was usually so serious between them that it felt good to laugh and enjoy the carefree feeling.
Jim couldn't stay away, bending down and bathing his beloved's strong neck with his tongue, shoving his t-shirt up over his chest, and rooting into Blair's thick chest hair for one of the beringed nipples. Finding it, Jim flicked it lightly with the tip of his tongue, teasingly. Blair's impatient, "Jim!" made him chuckle and he bit it playfully. "Oh yeah. That's more like it, lover." Following Blair's loud vocal demands, Jim sucked and played with the entire surface of Blair's chest. He teased his fingers in the sexy patches of hair, enjoying the ticklish feeling. Sucking enthusiastically at a hard nipple, he let his hands roam down to the soft skin of Blair's belly and the hollow of his bellybutton.
Jim lifted his head and breathed deeply, taking in the rich scent of Blair's arousal. Sighing happily, he looked down at his lover, playing with the soft hair covering his belly absentmindedly. Blair was watching him affectionately.
"What do you want, sweetheart?"
Jim ducked down and licked the hard bulge in Blair's button-flys. "I want this." He licked again and came away with the taste of pre-come on his eager tongue. "I want it in me; my ass, my mouth, everywhere. Let me have it?" Jim looked up, a hungry look on his face.
Blair thought he just might come from the blatant need in his lover's voice. He could see himself taking Jim, right here on the grass by the river, rough and animal-like. There was a time and a place for that kind of loving, but it wasn't here and and it wasn't now.
"When we get back home, Jim, I promise to give you this just how you want it. We'll make it a date." Blair pulled his hard dick out of his pants and stroked himself roughly right under Jim's nose, letting him see how turned on he was. "Right now," he panted harshly, "I want you to suck me, Jim."
"Oh, yeah," Jim breathed. This was what he wanted. His mouth watered as he watched Blair jack himself. Abruptly, he moved Blair's hands away and swallowed half his length in one smooth move. He felt those hands on his head as he held his prize in his mouth, enjoying the feel of Blair's thick cock on his tongue. Jim sucked once, and was rewarded with a gasp. His eyes crinkled in a smile, and he looked up to see his lover's face.
Blair's head was thrown back, a gigantic smile on his handsome face, and the late morning sun glinted off the auburn highlights in his hair. He was the most beautiful thing Jim had ever seen. A wave of intense emotion flowed over him at the sight and he swallowed reflexively. Blair's eyes flew open and the heat in them seared him as he gazed down at Jim. It was then Jim realized he had Blair's cock all the way down his throat. When he swallowed, Blair had felt it. He did it again, and Blair arched his back a little, displaying his bare chest.
Jim couldn't resist, and letting go of his mouthful, went after the little silver hoop shining on Blair's hairy chest. Blair laughed out loud and fell back onto the ground, bringing Jim with him. They rolled and wrestled all over the grass of the riverbank, taking turns loving each other with hands and mouths, enjoying the heady freedom in making love outdoors.
"Benny?"
"Yes, Ray?"
When his friend didn't speak further, Fraser opened his eyes and turned to look at Ray. He was startled to see the sadness in his best friend's eyes.
"Ray, what's wrong?"
He sighed once, then said, "I forgive you, Benny."
Fraser didn't bother pretending he didn't know what Ray was talking about. The moment he started to run after Victoria was now one of his most shameful memories. He had not stopped to consider the result of him leaving town with her. Ray had mortgaged his family home to pay for Fraser's bail, and trusted him to do the right thing. No one else would ever know that he hadn't. Not even Ray's family knew what Fraser had done. Ma Vecchio kept inviting him to dinner and recently had begun to worry why she was always turned down. He didn't want to hurt her feelings, but just couldn't face them all after betraying them so thoroughly.
"I don't deserve your forgiveness, Ray. I betrayed you and your family. If they knew what I did..." He trailed off, unable to finish.
"Benny, Ma knows." Ray sat quietly, watching Benny. His friend sat on the bedroll, his body rigid. He watched the fire silently, unseeing, dark thoughts swirling behind his troubled blue eyes. Finally, he turned to look at his friend. Ray contained his reaction to the self-hate he saw on Benny's face.
"How could she forgive me when I can never forgive myself? How could she do that? How, Ray? " Benny shouted the words, desperate for Ray to deny he'd said those unwanted words of forgiveness. He was shocked that Ray had told his mother and yet was so desperate to believe him. He missed Ray's mother. More every week. He wanted to believe. "Why would she forgive me, Ray?" He whispered, afraid of the answer.
"The same reason I forgave you, Benny. She loves you."
So that was the reason. It was almost too good to be true, Fraser thought. She loved him? Maybe, as a son? Maybe. He would go home to Chicago and ask her. If Ray was with him, he wouldn't back out and he would ask her. Then he thought about what Ray had said.
"You love me, Ray?"
Ray cleared his throat a little, "Yeah, Benny. I love you, too."
"In what way Ray?" Fraser flicked his eyebrow nervously.
"As a brother, Benny, as clich' as it is. I love you like my brother." Ray grinned as Benny sighed with relief.
"Why? You want my permission to pounce Ellison?"
Benny looked up startled, then blushed at how well Ray knew him.
"No, Ray. Jim is in love with Blair." He didn't bother adding that were Jim not in love with someone else, he would have gladly 'pounced' the detective. Fraser had been struggling to control his body's unfortunate reaction to the man all day.
He looked over to see Ray watching him knowingly, but not disapprovingly. Fraser was about to defend himself further, when he heard a noise from the woods behind where they were sitting.
Turning, he and Ray watched as Jim and Blair walked into the clearing arm-in-arm, talking quietly about something. The two lovers were completely caught up in each other, discussing something that made Jim laugh on occasion. They touched each other with love and affection often. The love they shared was obvious in every look and move. The moment was interrupted as they walked into camp.
"Hey guys! You want to head for those caves after lunch?" Blair asked as Jim went to retrieve the cooking pot.
Ray answered for them, "Actually, Blair, I think Benny and I are ready to go home."
The End
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