WHAT CHILD IS THIS?
Introductory Remarks
A couple of weeks ago there was a strange post on this List commenting
on a story no one here - except that one person - had read yet called
WHAT CHILD IS THIS? Well I'm going to clear up that mystery for you
all now and let you in on what that was all about. A month ago I got
an e-mail from an on-line friend, who said:
"In the series, we meet Ray and Ben when they're about 35 or so. But,
other than what you writers come up with, we don't know anything about
their pasts. I've been thinking that it would be very
interesting if Ben suddenly found out about a son/daughter he never knew
about. The mother was an old girlfriend of Ben's, about 10 or 15 years
back, that never told him they had a child. She suddenly dies and leaves
the child to Ben and Ray, since Ben and Ray are
lovers. I think it would be interesting to see how their
relationship would change and how each would react to Ben having a child."
He told me he'd had this idea for a story stuck in his head and asked
if I'd write a story for him based on it. Well as soon as I read this,
my imagination took off and I felt possessed. It just started to write
itself, words pouring out from my mind to my fingers to my PC. Still
early into the story, I was struck by inspiration on how I could meet
our DS archive owner's challenge she put forth for me a while back. She
had snuck a Christmas category on her archive when I wasn't looking.;->
I had been feeling pretty smug before that, that I had a piece of fiction
in each of her categories... until then. What was I to do? I felt compelled
to have a christmas story now too. I asked her about it and of course
she threw down the gauntlet. So thanks to Shawn Adams and Amanda Cook,
my latest story WHAT CHILD IS THIS? was born. If you like the story
you have them to thank. This story is dedicated to them both. If you
don't like the story, then put the blame on me for not living up to their
challenge. So far this officially is my longest story to date. Now
for the warnings and additional ramblings:
- Male/Male throughout (tame)
- Male/Female in one part (somewhat graphic)
- I used bad language in one part. Mea culpa.
- I'm a self-professed sap, so be forewarned SAP ALERT!
- Hurt/Comfort. See the warning before this one.
- Recommend that you've seen MANHUNT. I had fun with this episode.:->
- I couldn't resist. There are 2 epilogues attached to the end
called WHAT CHILD DID THIS? and MY CHILD DID THIS
- FYI, here's some Northwest Territories information that I found out
while writing this story, which I figured I'd share. Iqaluit used to
be called Frobisher Bay until 1987. It is where in 1576 the British
explorer Martin Frobisher thought he discovered the Northwest Passage
and gold - turned out to be 'fool's gold' though. And according to AAA/CAA
is also "...one of the largest communities in the Eastern Arctic and
the educational,
administrative, transportation and economic center for the Baffin region
of the Northwest Territories. The town also is a focal point for Inuit
art and boasts numerous art galleries." I tried to look up Moosejaw
and Runamuckluk, but no 'luck' so far. They're either too small to garner
any notice in my source book or just fictional towns that the DS writers
made up. I was able to find Inuvik. Sounds like a neat place/area;
with lots of festivals; and June and July has 24 hours of daylight; starting
point for plane trips to the Arctic Ocean and Mackenzie River delta system.
I found Tuktoyaktok - its not mentioned in my story, but Fraser has referenced
it before, especially in his joking with Ray in SOME LIKE IT RED - love
the comment about it in regards to Runamuckluk. Tuktoyaktok is relatively
nearby Inuvik, both in the northwestern part of the Territories, close
to the Yukon border. There was a major alternative music concert here
last year. I really wanted to go, but I believe it was an invitation
only concert sponsored by a number of radio stations. I also found Alert
- I don't mention it in my story, but Fraser mentioned living there/being
stationed there(?) in one of the episodes and I was curious to know where
it was. Wow is that way the heck up there in the very Northeasternmost
tip of the Territories. Very close to Greenland. According to my map
its considered to be in the Baffin region as well (So there is a connection
to my story afterall... sort of. Ok so I'm pushing it.). Alright
enough with the geography lesson. There will be a pop quiz on this when
I post the story I'm working on now which also makes references to the
Northwest Territories.:-> I'll shut up now.
- Can't think of any other warnings. Except to apologize that I should
have warned you about my Fraser-like pedantic nature when I did the geography
lesson above.;->
Hope you enjoy the story.:-> Dsrvbf@aol.com
WHAT CHILD IS THIS?
He was running scared; sixteen years old and already he
thought he knew it all, but what he'd heard tonight his
young life hadn't prepared him for.
He'd left Runamuckluk a week ago after packing a knapsack
and hitching a ride in a pickup truck, unbeknownst to the
driver. A couple of hours later, it stopped at a gas
station diner in a backwater town - they were all backwater
towns up here, one just the same as the other. He was tired
of living up here, he wanted the adventure and excitement of
the city, which he sometimes saw on tv or in the movies. He
especially wanted to get away from painful memories and the
man he had once called his father. They'd always had an
awkward relationship; like familiar strangers. He'd never
felt good enough or smart enough or loved enough by the man.
There was always a chilly distance between them. His mother
had been the link that held their family together, he still
missed her terribly, and when she'd died so had his sense of
being a 'family'.
He recalled now the final blow that had decided him on this
rocky course of action he followed. His father had been
away for a couple of days, due to his work, leaving him with
his grandmother *again*. When his father had returned he
was in a foul mood, which should have warned him to stay
clear, told him to give his father a wide berth, but it
wasn't going to happen like that. At dinner he'd done
something clumsy and stupid, yet no real harm had come of
it, but it just set off a chain reaction that culminated in
his running away. His father had chewed him out unfairly,
so hurt by this treatment he found himself angered and
mouthing off, which surprised him because he'd never really
done this before. Usually he was the model of etiquette,
politeness, and control but that night he couldn't stop
himself, the tension between the two of them had mounted so
much, that he just lost his control.
His cool blue eyes flashed and a battle of wills ensued,
then those fateful words were uttered and quickly reined
back in. "God, you're just like your father." Those words
startled him, when they finally penetrated and he'd seen the
look on his father's face, regretful at having said it and
trying to take it back. Had he heard him right? He was
talking nonsense now, he had to be. What was this talk as
if the man he was fighting with now wasn't his father? His
concern was voiced as if his father were going insane, and
incredulous he tried to laugh it off. "What? What are you
talking about dad? Have you lost it? You're my father.
Right?" His father had calmed down quite a bit as he
hastily replied. "Of course Paddy. Who else would I be?"
His father had forced a laugh which sounded hollow, but
Patrick, called by the Irish nickname 'Paddy' by his family
and friends since as long as he could remember, accepted it
at face value.
Later that night when his father and grandmother had thought
he was asleep, he eavesdropped on them, especially because
he'd heard his name mentioned. Listening in the dark
hallway outside the living room where they sat he heard
something which would change his life forever. "Bruce I
know you're stressed with work and Julie's death bringing
Paddy into your life full time now, but you shouldn't have
taken it out on the boy. I can't believe you said that to
him. You promised Julie that you'd never tell him that he
wasn't your son." The voice which responded back seemed
deflated and sad. "I know. But sometimes I just look at
Paddy and all I see is Fraser..." The rest of the
conversation was also enlightening but a bit of a jumble to
his overwhelmed mind, as Paddy silently slid down the
hallway wall, his face a picture of shock...
Two questions kept taunting him over and over. *Who am I?
Who's Fraser?* Out of the recesses of his memories, he
recalled visiting with grandpa Buck once and seeing a photo
his grandfather had of himself as a young mountie standing
beside another mountie, both in their uniforms. He'd asked
him who the man with him was and was told he was an old good
friend named Robert Fraser. The picture was very old and
the guy was around grandpa Buck's age. His father, or the
man he once thought was his father, couldn't have meant him
he thought to himself. His mind was racing trying to put
this puzzle together. It was starting to make some sense to
him now. He always assumed that the reason he didn't
resemble his *father* much was because his looks favored
more his mother's side of the family. They were mostly
light complexioned, fair haired or blonde with hazel colored
eyes. His 'father's' family all were of Irish descent with
dark or auburn hair and most of them were brown or green
eyed. Paddy's looks were what most people would consider
strikingly handsome, especially the young girls his age, who
fell all over themselves trying to get his attention and
affection. His teenaged build was tall and well muscled
with broad shoulders. His hair was a sandy blonde; he was
light skinned; and his youthful face looked chiseled by a
masterful artist; but what captured most people's attention
were his beautiful bottomless blue eyes. That feature made
him stand out the most and neither side - mother or father -
had eyes like this.
Paddy's whole world had just been turned upside down,
leaving him to worry, because he didn't know who he was or
where he belonged. He felt he understood now why the man he
thought was his father had treated him the way he did all
these years. Hearing the occupants of the other room start
to get up to leave it, he hurried quickly back to his room
and plopped down on his bed. He couldn't sleep, he was too
keyed up for that, instead he lay there thinking things
through. He recalled now how his grandfather had
disappeared for a short time 2 years ago and his mother had
been beside herself with worry. She'd gone to the US, to
Chicago, to get help from a mountie, who he remembered now
had also been named Fraser, he'd overheard the name
mentioned when she'd come back.
His thoughts now turned to the belief that because he wasn't
really his false father's son, he could never be loved or
wanted by him... like if he were 'his' own son. This belief
of Paddy's hurt, and before he truly thought things out, he
was packing what he could carry in his knapsack and on
himself. He decided he wasn't going to stay where he didn't
belong, with someone who he felt really didn't want him.
He'd lived with his mother when his parents had divorced 5
years ago, and only these past 2 months, since his mother's
death, had he come to live with his father and sometimes
with his grandmother who lived nearby. He had a loose plan
working its way out bit by bit now, he'd find his real
father or at the very least just see what he looked like.
Paddy waited until the early morning hours to make his
journey. He had overheard a drifter in his grandmother's
general store this morning talking on the phone. He said
he'd meet someone in Pipersville, three hours away, leaving
at first light. Paddy had snuck out of the house dressed as
warmly as he could for the weather of early December. He
located the guy's truck and climbed into the back, covering
himself up with a tarp back there. He figured he'd hitch a
ride with him for a while, then find a way to continue due
south.
At the gas station diner he'd heard the guy fill up the tank
and then saw him enter the restaurant, leaving Paddy with
his golden opportunity now. He'd come up with this part of
his plan while shivering in the back of the truck. His
gloved, but still frozen feeling hands, managed to open the
driver's side door which was left miraculously unlocked,
upon further notice it actually was broken from someone
having forced it open once before. He was familiar with the
inner workings of cars from reading manuals about them at
the libraries he frequented, and from having maintained his
mother's old car on occasion. Paddy was normally
remarkably patient and good with his hands, so that he soon
had the pickup truck hot-wired. He had some money that he'd
been saving up to buy an old used car of his own, stashed in
his pocket, making him think, *Guess I won't be needing that
used car. I've got a free one now.* Pulling out of the
parking lot he caught up with the main highway that would
take him over the border.
He was pleased that all his reading was really starting to
pay off, especially when an idea from one of the many
adventure novels he'd read came to mind, as to how to sneak
his way across the US-Canada border. Extremely nervous
about doing something else illegal, when he came in view of
the border he almost backed out of his plan. Gathering his
courage and resolve he'd somehow managed to get across
unnoticed and was well on the road towards his destination.
He was so tired and cold by the time a week had passed of
driving and sleeping in that chilled pick up truck to reach
his goal. But as soon as he saw the skyline of the city
beckoning him, he knew that Chicago was where he wanted to
be... where he needed to be. It was just a matter of
finding this Fraser guy now. Paddy was apprehensive about
meeting him, still just curious more to see who he was,
rather than introduce himself saying *Hi. I'm your son.*.
He wondered if this guy even knew he existed? Even if he
didn't have the courage to introduce himself, at least he
wasn't back in that going-nowhere-town in Canada, but here
in this large city he could make his own way in the world.
He was smart, he was sixteen, he figured he could master the
world and take care of himself.
His first day in the city he had located the Canadian
Consulate where he figured would be the most likely place a
mountie would be stationed. He wasn't disappointed when he
drove by it and saw a man in a very familiar serge uniform
standing at his post in front of the building. *How many
mounties could there be in Chicago?* he asked himself, so he
assumed this must be the one he was looking for. Paddy had
driven by a couple of times to get a better look at the man,
who never seemed to blink or move at all. It was cold
outside, but the man didn't seem to notice or care. He'd
parked the truck near enough to the consulate that he had a
vantage point of being able to watch the mountie, but at the
same time not be noticed. He observed him from afar, noting
the strangers and tourists gawking at the man or trying to
make him react, but none could succeed in breaking his
concentration and vigil. At 5PM a church clock nearby
chimed the hour and he came to life instantly. A green '71
Buick Riviera pulled up alongside the curb in front of him.
Paddy couldn't see the driver of the car well from his
vantage point, but realized Fraser must know who it was,
because he was opening the passenger door and for the first
time that day he was displaying emotion. His friend must
have said something funny, because Fraser's face broke out
into a broad smile and a laugh escaped him, as he held the
backseat down for the wolf that was with him and entered the
car.
At a discreet distance he tailed the car to see where they
were going, figuring it was most likely Fraser's home he was
being led to. At one long light he noticed that Fraser had
moved closer to the driver of the car. Paddy was tired and
felt his eyesight was playing tricks on him when it looked
as if Fraser kissed his friend on the cheek. This surprised
him because he had thought the driver was a man, but he
still hadn't seen who it was well enough yet, and thought
maybe now it was a woman; perhaps Fraser's girlfriend or
wife? But then he rationalized that what really happened
must have been he whispered something over to the driver.
That's how he left it in his mind. The light had finally
changed and soon after the Riviera stopped in front of an
apartment complex in a seedy looking neighborhood. All
three occupants of the car exited it and he could see the
other person better now, but from behind. He was a very
thin man about the same height as Fraser, wearing a winter
hat and stylish long warm winter coat. They seemed to be in
good spirits as they entered the building. Fraser's friend
had his hand hovering right behind him for a few seconds,
almost as if he was unsure where he wanted to place it, and
then made contact with his left shoulder as they walked that
way into the building.
The driver of the car hadn't come back out in the time Paddy
set up his vigil. After a few hours though and having seen
some suspicious looking people and activity on this street,
he decided to find a better place to sleep for the night.
He'd parked the truck in a hotel's parking garage that night
and slept in the truck there. The next day he went through
the same routine, again seeing Fraser at his post, but this
time Paddy was debating with himself whether or not he
should get out of the car.
****************
Fraser had been given this sentry duty, in the cold of
December, by a vengeful Thatcher. She had assigned him
afternoon shifts of duty out here as punishment for his
actions, which caused her to still be tangled up in a
bureaucratic nightmare involving himself, Ray, pathological
liar Ian MacDonald, the RCMP, the Chicago Police Department,
the Canadian government, the US military and supposed UFOs.
He winced inwardly whenever he would recall her chewing him
out - rightfully so - when he'd returned from being detained
by the US government, at one of their special bases he'd
trespassed on. Ray had been given some less then desirable
duties as well by Welsh as punishment, and they'd barely
seen much of each other for almost a week after that. It
had hurt Fraser, but he knew that Ray had needed that time
away from him to calm down. Ray had been furious with Ian
and especially Ben, for having gotten him, against his
better judgment, messed up with the liar once again. In
order to get back in Ray's good graces, Fraser had had to
promise never to mention Ian or the incident ever again, and
was told in no uncertain terms that if Fraser 'ever' asked
for Ray's help again on something even remotely related to
Ian, he could forget it and according to Ray - 'would have
to find someone else to warm his bed.' He knew Ray loved
him deeply, and wondered if he would really follow through
on this threat, should the mischievous and trouble following
Ian cross their path again... Fraser prayed he'd never find
out.
While standing there mannequin-like, he recalled now how Ray
had asked him once, how he could stand immobile for so long.
He'd teased and confessed to him that although he was
observant of what was going on around him, he detached a
part of himself slightly by daydreaming of his lover. This
could keep him pleasantly occupied for hours. Ray had
laughed at that, but Ben could see that his lover liked his
answer; especially when he was rewarded for it later that
night. Laughing to himself he remembered Ray asking him, as
Ben lay in his arms after their having made love. "So will
this make it into those daydreams of your's Benny?". He'd
kissed him then playfully replying. "It should help keep my
mind occupied for at least a couple of weeks, but I think it
could last me a month if you would do that thing with ... oh
yes... yesss... that's exactly what I meant... oh Ray
there... please don't stop." Fraser smiled inwardly to
himself recalling that pleasurable night again - Ray would
be pleased, this was one of his favorite daydreams and had
lasted him well beyond a month now. He was pulled from his
reverie when his attention was called to that same pickup
truck that had passed by him two times yesterday. He
noticed, without any outward sign that he had, that the
truck had parked across the street about a block up.
He saw, without seeming to see, that a young boy of about
sixteen had gotten out and was walking across the street,
then down the block, eventually passing right by him. The
boy pretended not to notice him as he passed by. But to an
observant Fraser, he could tell that something was wrong and
it appeared as if the teenager was checking him out, perhaps
wanting to - yet fearing to - talk with him about some
trouble or another. He'd observed that the boy looked
agitated, tired, very cold, his clothes were rumpled most
likely from having slept in them, and he hadn't bathed in a
couple of days. Fraser came to the conclusion that this kid
was homeless and most likely a run away. This boy had run a
long way too he could tell from the pickup truck's license
plates, which were from Fraser's home as well - the
Northwest Territories. The polar bear shaped plates were
the main feature of the truck, which made him notice it
right away yesterday and again today.
Not one to ignore a person in need, especially a child from
his own beloved home, he broke his sentry stance easily and
followed after the boy. This breaking from his assigned
sentry duty was acceptable by emergency statutes of his
handbook. If while on sentry duty he should feel life
threatened for himself or another in the vicinity he was
empowered to act on his own initiative within certain
guidelines. Why else have a sentry if it weren't to look
out for trouble and prevent it? In this case the trouble in
the vicinity of the consulate was this young man. Who
better to help him than someone from his own homeland, and
representing the Canadian government here in the US. He was
right behind the boy now. "You know I'm always amazed how
these people of Chicago can consider this cold. Up in
Inuvik, where I grew up, its so cold the polar bears wear
parkas when they visit." The boy had stopped suddenly
startled and Fraser could see he was laughing, but trying
not to, as he turned around to stare at the once immobile
mountie he'd passed just moments ago. The boy just replied
"You should try living in..." He stopped suddenly when he
realized he was about to say something that would give him
away. He finished his sentence instead with a lie.
"Inuvik, never heard of it. Why're you following me? I
didn't do anything wrong."
Fraser gave him one of his patented patient looks.
"Actually I was going to ask you a similar question. Why
were you watching me? I noticed your plates and that you'd
driven by the consulate a couple of times yesterday and
again today. When you walked by me just moments ago, I
thought I could help out a fellow native of the Territories.
You appear to be a long way from home and perhaps lost?"
The boy seemed disturbed when he'd mentioned noticing the
plates, like they were something he should have thought of
to disguise, and then the other comments seemed to make him
more on edge, letting Fraser know he'd most likely hit too
close to home for the boy, reasserting Fraser's belief he
was a run away.
The boy spoke again, trying to make it sound like the truth,
but the way Fraser heard it he could hear the wheels turning
in the boy's mind to come up with a story to appease him,
make him go away. "No. Um, I'm here with my dad. Ah...
visiting family. I'm gonna be late, so well... if its ok
I'd like to go now." Fraser gave the boy a concerned look,
like he wasn't buying the story, but couldn't come up with
an excuse to keep the kid there with him any longer. "Oh.
I see. Well I don't want to keep you from your family. I'm
sure they must be worried about you. Especially you not
being from around here and out on your own in the city. Its
quite different from the Territories isn't it? It can be
very dangerous." The boy gave him a strange look wondering
if Fraser had caught on to him. The way Fraser said those
things to him was almost as if he were underlying it with
something else, but Paddy couldn't tell. "Yeah, well, its
ok. I'm old enough to take care of myself. I've been
around cities before and my family doesn't worry about me."
Fraser's mind raced for a way to get the kid to open up to
him, he could still sense the kid was afraid of something,
and felt there was a reason the boy had been drawn to the
consulate and possibly even to him in particular.
"I'm sure they do worry, no matter whether you're
sixteen..." he noticed the reaction he'd gotten out of the
boy, making him realize he'd guessed right about the age
'... or thirty-five. Well I won't keep you any longer. But
if you need me you know where to find me. I'm Constable
Benton Fraser and you are...?" The kid seemed trapped by
this simple question and again Fraser could see his mind was
racing to come up with an answer. "Ah.. Morgan... ah Jeremy
Morgan." Fraser had excellent peripheral vision and had
seen the truck that passed behind him turning the corner,
while to anyone else seeing their interchange it would have
seemed as if he had just been looking at the boy in front of
him. The truck had the name MORGAN MOVERS on the side, this
lie was again confirming for Fraser that the kid was in
trouble and needed his help.
Fraser wasn't going to play this game any longer, he felt
certain that his deduction was correct and 'Jeremy' was a
Canadian run away. "Jeremy, if that's your real name, why
don't you tell me the real reason you're here. Maybe I can
help. There's a diner around the corner. I'll buy you
dinner and we can talk. Ok?" He'd heard the kid's stomach
growling a few times while they had been talking earlier.
Fraser figured food might get the kid to stay with him for a
little while at least and perhaps give him the needed time
and trust for 'Jeremy' to open up to him. He could see in
the boy's innocent blue eyes a battle going on inside him
whether or not to take him up on his offer. The boy
responded with a half-hearted. "I told you why I was here.
And I'm not hungry at all. I had a large breakfast and
lunch with my family already today." But the battle ended
when Jeremy's stomach protested and rumbled loud enough for
them both to hear it. Despite Jeremy's words to the
contrary, Fraser wondered how long it actually had been
since this kid had eaten anything. He grew more concerned
for him and when Jeremy's own body betrayed him with his
reaction to the offer of food, he knew he couldn't let this
boy leave him.
Fraser feared for this run away out on his own with no one
to care for him, especially because Ben himself knew how
cruel this city could be to innocents like Jeremy. He'd
seen too many of them out on the streets, aged beyond their
actual years, their young lives wasted and taken advantage
of by the pimps and drug dealers. Looking at this handsome
young boy he was afraid to see that happen to him, and he
knew it would if he let him out of his sight. There was
also something else about him that was bugging and endearing
him to Fraser, which he couldn't put his finger on right
now, but it would come to him later he subconsciously
thought. This strange feeling only compelled him to keep
battering at Jeremy's self-defense mechanisms that were
actually getting in the way of making sure he stayed healthy
and alive long enough to reach adulthood. When Jeremy's
stomach had growled Fraser gave him an understanding yet
teasing smile. "Well if you're sure...?" He could see in
those beautiful eyes that he was close to earning a level of
trust and was relieved when Jeremy finally relented. "Yeah,
well, I suppose I could choke down a burger or something."
Fraser smiled at this small victory and guided his newly
acquired stray to the aforementioned diner.
At the door before they entered the diner Jeremy playfully
teased Fraser by pointing to his uniform. "You might want
to fix that lanyard of your's." Jeremy/Paddy smiled and
enjoyed the reaction he'd gotten to this. Fraser had
uttered an 'Oh dear' and 'Thank you kindly', as a look like
this was the worst thing imaginable to occur, and in public
no less, crossed his face. Jeremy was smiling outside but
laughing inside. *Works every time.* he said to himself.
Grandpa Buck still fell for it to this day and Jeremy
wondered if it was just their way of playing a game with
each other or if he really believed him when he'd said it
for the millionth time.
Thinking about grandpa Buck brought a pang of guilt and
sadness. He admired and respected his grandfather very
much, and realized now that he'd probably be the only one
who was hurt or worried about his disappearance. He knew
he'd find out he was gone soon, despite the fact that his
father and grandpa Buck didn't care for each other. Grandpa
Buck hadn't been doing well the last time he'd seen him.
But Jeremy also knew that at one time his grandfather had
been considered one of the best trackers in the Northwest
Territories, probably in all of Canada. These thoughts
worried him, because he was afraid for his grandfather's
health should he try to come looking for him. The last time
he'd seen his grandfather he seemed to have aged so much
more since his Jeremy/Paddy's mother's death. He realized
his mother's death in a car accident about 2 months ago had
not only been devastating to him, but to grandpa Buck as
well, who's daughter she'd been and who he'd doted on. He
was interrupted from his thoughts by the man who had yet to
realize that the boy he thought was a run away was that but
so much more... he'd run from one father to another - the
one who didn't know this important piece of information was
sitting in the booth with him now asking him yet another
question that was interrupted by their waitress.
Their waitress smiled happily when she saw her favorite
handsome repeat customer at her table. "Hi Constable
Fraser. Who's your friend? A relative or somethin'?"
Fraser was taken aback by her remark. "Good afternoon
Marie. Oh no, he's just a friend from back home. This is
Jeremy Morgan." Marie and Jeremy/Paddy said their helloes
to each other when Fraser introduced them. "So what can I
get for you gentleman today?" She took their orders and
headed back to the kitchen where she ran into her young
friend and coworker Alice. She teased. "Alice that cute
mountie's here again and he brought along a friend for you.
I think I need to work in the Northwest Territories. They
sure grow some really nice looking men up there."
Meanwhile Fraser tried to draw out some more information on
his new found young friend. "So Jeremy do you play hockey?"
The kid's face lit up. "That's like asking the Pope if he
goes to Sunday mass. Of course I play. Doesn't everyone?"
he laughed. They got into the details of discussing the
sport they both loved. "Perhaps we can play some time? How
long and where are you staying?" Jeremy/Paddy was getting
uncomfortable again, realizing that Fraser was feeling him
out again with these sneaky questions of his. He had to
hand it to the mountie, he was pretty good at distracting
him, getting him to talk and then throwing these zingers by
him, making Jeremy/Paddy work hard to come up with answers.
"Well I won't be here long. Maybe just until tomorrow or
the next day. Depends on my dad." Fraser tried another
question. "Oh, what about your mother? Is she here with
you too?" Fraser noticed the question must have hit a
sensitive nerve, because the kid reacted strongly and sadly
to this one. He snapped out. "My mum's dead."
Compassionately Fraser responded. "I'm sorry. I know how
you feel." The kid looked annoyed. "Yeah right." "I do.
My mother died in a freak accident protecting me, when I was
around six. I was quite young, but I still remember her
fondly and miss her to this day." Paddy looked
empathetically over at his father. "I'm sorry. Guess you
must have felt guilty too?" Ben was startled at how
perceptive the kid was. That was exactly how he'd felt for
a long time afterwards, there was still an echo of that
guilt within him even today.
He'd blamed himself for her death, because he'd run off
after his pet otter who'd escaped, even when his mother told
him not to. He hadn't listened to her and soon found
himself confronted by an angry wild bear out in the
wilderness by their home. She'd come after him and threw
herself over him just as he was about to be attacked. He
shivered at the remembrance of how she felt on top of him,
her muffled cries and how terrified he was as she took the
brunt of the attack. If it hadn't been for his father
coming then with his shotgun, Ben probably wouldn't have
survived. He'd been the lucky one and only had relatively
minor marks on him, that soon healed. But the psychological
marks didn't for a long time.
He knew how much his father loved his mother and always felt
a part of his father's temporary insanity, his leaving him
with his grandmother and later the coldness and awkwardness
towards his son stemmed from his blaming Ben for his
mother's death, although he'd never say it. What Ben didn't
realize was that his father had actually blamed himself for
not getting there sooner to prevent the attack in the first
place. At first he'd disregarded his wife's request for
help to track down their headstrong son, thinking that the
kid wasn't too far away. Bob Fraser knew his wife and son
knew the area around the house pretty well that they
wouldn't get lost. He changed his tune minutes after she'd
already left, when he recalled a warning posted about some
nasty bears in the area. Coming upon his wife's mauled body
and then realizing his son was with her had chilled him to
the core and remained to haunt him for the rest of his days.
He felt as if he'd failed as their protector and wasn't a
worthy father to look after his son after that, especially
when he'd gone into a deep depression and had neglected to
care for his young son for almost four days.
"Hey. Earth to Fraser. You still with me?" Fraser shook
himself from the horrific memories and concentrated on the
kid in front of him again. He gave the boy a half-smile.
"Sorry about that. There's an Inuit story my friend Eric
told me once about a mother wolf and her cub and the Raven.
One day..." He was interrupted by the kid before he could
even really get started. The boy was laughing. "Yeah I
know that one. But I still don't get how the Raven knew
they were in that cave..." Fraser smiled at the kid, other
than the Inuit people themselves, no one had ever known one
of the stories he'd relayed before. They discussed the
story and the Inuit people in general and he found the boy
was quite knowledgeable in that area.
After eating their meal, the kid had a pretty healthy
appetite, he noticed Jeremy/Paddy looked even more tired
than when he'd first met him. Much of the kid's
conversation with him now was punctuated with yawns. "Sorry
Constable. Its not you, I'm just tired." Fraser smiled
knowingly as he thought to himself. *I'll just bet you are.
Running can be exhausting.* "Jeremy I promise to help you.
You're welcome to stay with me. At least stay tonight."
Jeremy/Paddy finally relented, Fraser was pleased that
another victory had been won. They walked back to the
consulate, where Fraser reported that he was leaving early
to Jasmine and quickly left with not much more of an
explanation than that, for fear the kid waiting for him
downstairs would bolt. He'd barely got the boy to stand
inside the door of the consulate. He was relieved to see
Jeremy/Paddy had kept his promise and was there waiting for
him at the door. They got into Jeremy/Paddy's truck and
Fraser was surprised to note that the kid seemed to know
where to drive to without really getting many directions
from Fraser. Leading him to conclude that his earlier
deduction that the kid may have been singling him out
specifically was correct.
********************************
It was about 5:00 PM when Ray knocked at his lover's
apartment door, not waiting for the door to be opened he
knew it was unlocked and started to let himself in. At the
same time he pushed it open, he felt it being pulled from
his hand. Fraser was there letting him in. "Hi Benny." He
must have said this too loud, because the next thing he knew
Ben's finger rested gently on Ray's lips and he whispered a
"Hello Ray. Shhh" over to him. Ray lightly kissed the
finger at his mouth and did as his lover wished, whispering
to him as he removed his coat and entered the apartment
further. "Why am I whispering Benny? Are you practicing
listening to the wind again? Or just eavesdropping on your
neighbors?"
Ben had his hand on Ray's arm leading him deeper into the
apartment but away from the bedroom. Ray looked concerned
as he quietly said. "I went by the consulate. They told me
you'd skipped out early. You sick or somethin'? You're ok
aren't you?" He reached up to feel his lover's forehead,
which felt nice but not hot with a fever. He breathed a
sigh of relief at this and especially when Fraser responded.
"No need to worry Ray. I don't get sick. I feel just fine.
I have a guest in the other room. He's sleeping now and I
don't want to wake him. Poor kid is exhausted."
Ray peered around the corner of the door jamb to look into
the somewhat lit bedroom at Fraser's guest. All he could
see of the sleeping teenaged boy was a bit of dark blond
hair peeking out from under Fraser's blankets. "You're
picking up strays again aren't you Benny? What've I told
you about this? Ya can't adopt them all Benny. Ya know the
worst part? You're gonna rope me in too, aren't ya?"
Fraser's face changed to that of a seducer smiling over at
his chosen manipulatee, who had guessed right in that
regard. Moving teasingly close he whispered over to him,
turning up the body language in order to snare his lover
deeper under his spell. "Please Ray. He's a run away from
the Territories. He looked so troubled and lost, I had to
help him. Thatcher is still angry with me for the last time
I got involved with a 'non-assigned venture', relegating me
to sentry duty for 3 months. She wouldn't understand. I
need help tracking down a license plate from the
Territories, and finding out who this boy is. Will you
please help us?" Ray gave him a smug I-knew-it look and
responded quietly over to him. "I'll do it on one
condition." Fraser breathed out seductively. "Anything
Ray." Ray smiled and thrilled to how his lover responded to
him. "Kiss me already."
Fraser placed his arms around Ray, who embraced him in
return. Then Ben was purposely guiding them away from the
bedroom door again and deeper into the apartment, so as not
to be seen accidentally by his young houseguest. His lips
pressed teasingly brief kisses on Ray's neck near his ear,
working his way to his chin, then on to his face, all the
while evoking pleasurable soft sighs from Ray, until he
finally made full contact with his lover's enthusiastic lips
pulling at his own. The way Ray kissed him was always
exhilarating, sensual, inviting him to keep taking more, so
that now Ben's tongue pushed its way into a more than
willing mouth, and he lost himself in the sensational feel
and taste of him; and with this merging perfect fit he was
reminded yet again, of how all he wanted in this world was
in his arms and miraculously fully his. He could 'feel'
that Ray was enjoying this as much as he was, but both knew
that with the kid in the room nearby, their passionate kiss
was as far as they could go... for now.
In mid-kiss Ray could feel a piece of paper being stuffed
into his hand. His puzzled eyes caught those of his partner
as he pulled out of the kiss to look at what his lover had
passed him. Recovering his breath slightly he teased his
lover. "You're a sneaky one Benny. Sometimes I think ya
just love me for my job." Ben looked worried and hoped he
hadn't pushed his will on his lover too hard. "No. That's
not true Ray. I love you for everything you are." Ray
smiled reassuringly to let him know he understood. "I know.
What's this? A picture of the kid? Hmmm, looks real
familiar, but I can't place him. Maybe somethin' passed
through on him? Ya know this is real good. You could take
up art on the side. Earn some extra money to keep me in the
lifestyle I've grown accustomed to." Fraser laughed
quietly. "Oh and what lifestyle is that Ray?" Ray smiled
back. "Why this glamorous life I lead of hobnobbing with all
the best kinds of people: dealers, pimps, thieves and
homicidal maniacs. Who all seem to live in your
neighborhood I might add. I'll see what I can dig up on the
kid, maybe get Elaine's help. She's doin' a late shift
tonight."
Ben's face and eyes reflected his thanks, but he verbalized
it as well. "Thank-you Ray. I really appreciate this. He
hasn't told me much directly about himself, other than his
name is Jeremy Morgan, which I believe to be an alias. The
plates of his pick-up truck were from the Territories. The
license number is on the back of the picture I just gave
you. When I took him to dinner earlier, he made mention
that his mother was dead, and had made reference to a father
who it seems is still living. His cover story was he's here
with his father, he's visiting family, but its got more
holes than swiss cheese... to be fair the way he said it
there did seem to be some truth underlying it... I can't
make out what that is though."
Ray knew his lover well and could tell that Fraser was going
to get himself in deep trying to help this kid. He prayed
the kid was worth the trouble, because he hated the thought
of seeing Ben used and hurt. Ray suspected this kid could
easily do it to him too, so he was going to have to be on
extra guard, to ensure the run away didn't take advantage of
someone a protective and loyal Ray loved very much.
Walking towards the apartment door, Ray responded to the
briefing he'd just been given with good-natured sarcasm.
"Looks like you've got all the overnight company you can
handle right now. So I suppose you want me to get started
on this right away? I was startin' to miss my desk anyway.
I'll swing by again later tonight with what I come up with;
but mostly so you can tell me how much you love and
appreciate me. Ok?" Fraser stopped him at the door with a
hand on his arm to turn him to face him. "Ray?" "Yeah
Benny?" "I really do love and appreciate you." he followed
those words with a heartfelt good-bye kiss. Afterwards he
stood holding the door open for a little while, admiring the
view from behind, as Ray walked down the hallway. But all
too soon the view was covered up by Ray's having put his
coat back on as he stepped into the elevator. As Fraser
moved to shut the door he had the feeling that someone was
watching him. But when he looked behind him and into the
bedroom, his guest still looked to be fast asleep. Shaking
his head he thought to himself. *Naw. He didn't see
anything. It was probably Diefenbaker.* when he noticed the
wolf staring intently over at him.
Fraser was wrong, his young guest had been the one watching
him. Jeremy/Paddy had woken up at the sound of muffled
voices talking by the door just a few minutes ago. When
he'd opened his eyes to see who was there, he could just
barely make out the man who had driven Fraser home the other
day whispering over to the mountie, then the mountie placing
a hand on the visitor turning him to kiss him. Jeremy's jaw
dropped in shock when he saw that, realizing that this man
must be Fraser's boyfriend. The thought of his real father
being a gay mountie never would have crossed his mind if he
hadn't seen it with his own eyes; first in the car yesterday
he thought he'd imagined it and now there at the door it was
obviously so. He figured Fraser must have sent his visiting
lover home because Jeremy was there. Jeremy was even more
confused now about how he should feel towards this man who
was his father.
Jeremy/Paddy wasn't one to be judgmental of others, but
this new information about Fraser certainly put a different
spin on their relationship. Although he felt awkward with
the knowledge he now possessed, he didn't feel right about
judging Fraser's choice of lifestyle, especially since the
man had shown Jeremy/Paddy nothing but compassion,
understanding and kindness since this afternoon. He was
beginning to think he understood why his *real* father
wasn't in his life now and was stationed in Chicago, far
from his native Canada. He also imagined that his mother
must have found out about Fraser being gay and it would be
too scandalous and awkward for her to have married a
bisexual mountie, even if the man was the father of her
child. Jeremy/Paddy felt like he was part of a really bad
soap opera as he lay there trying to pretend to be asleep,
so as not to let on that he had seen anything.
As he tried to think out what the next part of his plans
should be, his exhaustion of the past few days caught up
with him and he was soon asleep again. But not before he
could hear Fraser preparing for bed, laying down his bedroll
on the floor near the window and close to his wolf. There
was faint light coming from a low lit lantern next to him
and Jeremy was lulled by every now and again the whisper of
pages being turned. Despite all the disturbing things that
he'd heard, done and seen this last week, he was amazed at
how peaceful, calm and with every minute that passed
comfortable he was in Fraser's presence and home, despite
his shock at Fraser's being gay. However the peace was to
be disrupted later by a vivid dream. He had dreaded sleep
ever since his mother died in the car accident a little over
two months ago...
There he was with his mother again at grandpa Buck's
isolated cabin, which was two hours drive from where they
lived. They hadn't seen him in about a month and his mother
insisted on visiting with him. He knew she was always
worried he'd run off again after trouble and was concerned
for him, because although he pretended he was still as
physically sharp and young as he used to be, she knew his
age was starting to creep up on him. She was smiling
teasingly at her father. "Dad something's been bothering me
for a while now." His grandfather looked concerned about
that. Paddy knew Buck adored his mother and was loathe to
have her worried or upset about anything. "Oh? What's that
my sweet jewel?" he answered teasingly back. "Why do you
carry around cousin Betty's communion picture and not a
picture of me or Paddy? I'm really hurt."
His grandfather looked startled and surprised. "You mean
that's not you?" She was laughing that soft tinkling laugh
of her's, at the answer and reaction she'd gotten. Looking
smug she responded. "I thought so. Dad you stubborn old
mule. How many times have I told you to wear those glasses
of your's?" Buck looked affronted. "My eyesight has never
been sharper. I just thought she was a cute kid and wanted
to show her picture to a friend. Just forgot to take it out
of my pack is all." She was still laughing lightly at the
obvious lie, as she teased her father. "Well I guess I'll
just have to keep this....", she had a picture she pulled
from her purse in her hand now, "... your bag's too full for
it."
Buck knew she was teasing and played their game some more.
"Oh, I could probably find room for it, especially if its a
picture of your cousin Cindy." Paddy couldn't help but
smile at the interchange that was going on between these two
people who meant the world to him. "I'll give it to you on
one condition. You wear those glasses of your's more often.
I know you have them. Wear them! I don't want someone from
the RCMP bothering me in the wee hours of the night telling
me you fell over a cliff, you didn't see, while looking for
the outhouse. Not a dignified way to go dad." His
grandfather and Paddy were laughing at the poignant image
she evoked.
His grandfather relented and pulled out his glasses and put
them on as she handed him the picture. Paddy knew which one
it was without having to look at it himself. It was a
somewhat recent one with himself and his mother, which a
fellow tourist had taken, while they had gone on vacation
this past summer via train through the Canadian Rockies.
His mother gave her father a peck on the cheek. "Much
better." He could tell that his grandfather liked the
picture even though he continued to tease. "So who are
these two? Look sort of suspicious to me. Must have seen
them on a WANTED poster or something." With this last
remark he winked over at Paddy, as he laughed at his
daughter, who was punching him in mock anger on the arm.
"Daaadddd..." Then he grew serious as he smiled
affectionately at them both. "Thank-you Julie. I'll keep
it with me always."
The dream shifted and now Paddy was in the car driving
himself and his mother home from grandpa Buck's cabin that
same night. They lived in a college town in what passed for
a city in those parts, although to most people from Toronto
or Vancouver it was just a more populated town than the
other towns in the area. They were talking, joking around
and singing along with the radio. They had loved singing
with each other. People who heard them always complimented
them on how well each of them sang, especially when they
harmonized together each year at midnight mass on Christmas
Eve. It was night time and the roads were getting a little
more slick and icy. Paddy had his driver's license for
about a year then, he'd been allowed to get his license at
age 15, a few months shy of his 16th birthday. She was
laughing as she started a Christmas carol, teasing him to
join in. "Mum its not even close to December yet and you're
already singing carols?" She smiled lovingly at him and
spoke in her soft sweet voice. "Oh Paddy you know I love
Christmas. I think I could sing carols all year round..."
He grinned back at her, amused by her sense of fun. "Yeah I
know. I caught you singing RUDOLF THE RED NOSED REINDEER
last July." They laughed together at that. He adored his
mother, she was not only beautiful and intelligent, but she
was so vibrant, so... alive. Paddy's mother again started
teasing him by singing WHAT CHILD IS THIS? and he couldn't
resist her charm and joined her on the chorus. As she
started to reach for a high note, her voice turned into a
scream of "PADDY!" instead, as he lost control of the car on
the slick pavement while coming around a corner trying to
avoid a fallen tree in the road.
He remembered feeling his mother's hand on him as she
instinctively reached out to protect him any way she could,
as the car flew off the embankment and into a tree, crushing
the passenger side. Now in his dream all he could hear was
her scream; all he could sense was her fear... all he could
see was her beautiful face covered with blood from a head
wound... "MUM!!!" he shouted both in his dream and out loud
in his sleep, sitting bolt upright in the bed, trembling and
breathing hard in terror.
Fraser in a half-sleep had noticed that Jeremy/Paddy had
been shifting restlessly in his sleep for a while,
periodically muttering unintelligible words, which was the
reason Ben was almost awake in the first place. When he
screamed out for his mother Fraser was fully awake instantly
and at the terrified boy's side in seconds.
Jeremy/Paddy was disoriented and scared. His mind was
racing with thoughts of, *Where was he?* and *Where was his
mother? She was always there to soothe him when he had a
nightmare.* He felt the bed shift and an arm go around his
shoulders trying to comfort him, but he realized it wasn't
who he desperately wanted it to be. In 'her' rightful place
at his side there was a stranger instead trying to calm him.
A stranger who happened to be his father. "Shhh. Its ok.
You're safe. Just a bad dream." The tears he had on his
face from his nightmare hadn't stopped when he woke up. He
turned into the arm of the man seated next to him and placed
his arms around him, sobbing on his shoulder. Jeremy/Paddy
felt the embrace returned and hands rubbing his back, while
a soft kind voice consoled him, asking after the sobs had
slowed. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Jeremy/Paddy, still with his head on his father's shoulder,
was miserable as he forced the anguished words out. "I... I
killed her." Fraser was stunned at this and fearful to hear
the rest, thinking *this boy couldn't be a murderer... could
he?* But he admonished himself for jumping to conclusions,
and tried to draw the facts of the story out. "I know its
hard, but please tell me about it. I want to help you." It
was difficult for him to talk about the horrific night, the
torturous pain and the unrelenting guilt he was overwhelmed
by, but something about the voice and the man himself, made
him feel compelled to trust more of himself to this
stranger, yet somehow instinctively not a stranger father.
Fraser had given him his undivided attention, just listening
until the story ran its course. With each emotionally
charged word his heart went out more and more to this young
man, who by the end of the tragic story was sobbing in his
arms again. "Listen to me. Listen. You didn't kill her.
I know she loved you and wouldn't blame you. It was an
accident. I think you know that too." Teenaged sad blue
eyes looked into their adult compassionate mirror. "I miss
her so much. She was everything to me; not just my mother,
but my best friend. Now I have nobody. I'm alone."
Fraser, who knew what it was like to feel that alone but
fortunately wasn't any more now that he had Ray, shook his
head. "No, that's not true. You're not alone. You have a
new friend now. You have me." He was surprised at the
magical transformation the boy went through with those
words. Fraser was rewarded with the most beautiful smile
and the sudden enthusiastic warm embrace he'd gotten in
return clinched it - he adored this boy now and would do
anything in his power to ensure he was healthy, happy and
protected from whatever troubles were following him. He
laughed to himself recalling Ray's words to him earlier.
Speaking in his mind as if his lover could hear him. *You
were right Ray. I've definitely acquired a stray. And
you're going to adore him too despite yourself."
Jeremy/Paddy had gone back to sleep after a little while and
Fraser kept a vigil on him, and saw that this time he was
sleeping much more peacefully than before. He was reading
again when he heard a very light tap at his door around
midnight, and Ray entered. Ben got up with the speed and
quiet grace of a jungle cat as he intercepted his lover at
the door. Ray looked tired and Fraser felt badly that he
was the cause of those dark circles around his eyes. Ray
whispered over at him. "Ok this is the part where you tell
me you love and appreciate me again, so when I leave you
I'll have pleasant dreams." Fraser was more than willing to
concede to this wish of Ray's. "I love you more than life
itself Ray, and I promise to show you my appreciation when
we have our privacy again." He gave him a brief kiss after
he'd said this.
Despite what others may think, Fraser knew that Ray was a
soft touch and easy to please with the right words and
simple gestures of kindness. Behind all that armor of
sarcasm and cynicism was someone who loved being needed and
appreciated. He was good at interpreting Ray's face and
could see he was getting into a serious mood. He knew this
meant Ray had something to tell him he was afraid Ben
wouldn't like and didn't want to hurt him. "Benny I've been
calling all 'round gettin' what I can on your stray. Elaine
and I were on the computer digging through files all night.
Sorry Benny, but your run away has a reason for runnin'.
That truck he's drivin' 'round in was used in an armed
robbery up North, some town called Moosepaw..." Fraser
couldn't stop himself from correcting him. "Moosejaw Ray."
Ray continued. "Yeah whatever. Well it gets worse Benny.
One of the clerks was shot and killed during the robbery.
There were 2 robbers involved, their faces were covered with
ski masks. The only description they had on these guys...
well one could match up to the kid. Right size and build
from what I could tell peeking in at him earlier. Please
tell me he doesn't have blue eyes and I'll feel a hell of
alot better." Fraser's own blue eyes briefly closed sadly
when he heard this. Ray took that reaction as an admission
of the fact neither wanted to hear and uttered a vehement
expletive under his breath.
Still believing in the boy's goodness, Fraser was afraid of
what Ray was going to say next, he knew what was coming.
Ray looked sincerely apologetic. "Benny ya know I'm gonna
have to bring him in for questioning and detention until
someone from the Canadian side can take over. I'm gonna
have to wake him up. This one got ya good didn't he?"
Fraser spoke pleading with his eyes and tone of voice. "Can
you wait until the morning? He's had a pretty rough night
already." Ray tried to avoid those eyes which could melt
his resolve, and spoke with conviction in order to do his
job and not let them both get suckered in by this kid.
"Benny, its gotta be this way. Welsh knows about him. He
stopped in briefly on his way to a musical with Esther and
snuck up on Elaine and me talking about it at the computer.
He put a call in to his counterparts in Canada and they're
sending someone over to the precinct right away."
Ray made a move towards the bedroom and Fraser reached out
lightly to stop him. "Let me wake him. Talk to him first.
He's starting to trust me. Then we'll come with you." Ray
conceded sighing, "Sure Benny." and let Fraser precede him
into the bedroom with the very low light on from Fraser's
lantern. Fraser approached the bed and noticed it was empty
with the covers hastily cast aside. He heard Ray swear
again as Ray's eyes followed Fraser's to the escape route
the kid had taken... the window. "He must have heard us and
went down the fire escape." Fraser was immediately out the
window in a heartbeat after that, Ray following right
behind.
By the time they made it to the ground in the alley Fraser
was looking both ways and then standing stock still as he
listened intently. He kept peeling away the sounds of the
city at night, until he heard those noises which sounded
probable, like the sound of running feet or of a car
stopping suddenly as if avoiding a running boy. Fraser
headed in the direction he thought that last one had come
from. But minutes later he was muttering under his breath
when Ray caught up to him, breathlessly shooting out one
question after another. "Did ya see him? What's wrong?
Why're we stoppin'?" Fraser looked annoyed with himself.
"I should get my hearing checked, perhaps the constant noise
from the city is starting to effect me. I failed to take in
account the echo I heard, which from the sound of it should
have indicated that I go in the other direction from the
alley. That was so basic; so simple. A first year cadet
could have heard and figured that out right away." Somehow
Ray doubted that. What his friend did sometimes with his
sharp mind and keen sense of sight, smell, hearing, touch
and taste often astounded him - and that last often
disgusted him as well; especially that one time he'd briefly
forgotten and accidentally kissed Ben after he'd tasted
something from a garbage dump they'd been rummaging through.
*Blech!*, he said to himself and then, *Fraser always takes
me on the best dates.* he laughed inwardly, as he remembered
one of their first attempts at a real date. This one
started with dinner, but ended up with them investigating
the restaurant owner for health violations and locating that
secret dump site, which led to environmental violations as
well.
After almost an hour of searching the alleyways near
Fraser's place in the wee hours of the night; then talking
with Welsh and the authorities from Canada in Welsh's
office; when they'd been dismissed, Ray convinced Ben to
call it a night at about 6 AM in the morning. Ray could see
the toll this was taking on his friend and lover and he
cursed the kid for doing what he feared would happen since
the beginning... he was hurting Ben. When they returned to
Ben's apartment Ray was so tired he crashed there, just
laying there with Ben, holding his lover in his arms to
comfort him; knowing Ben was filled with worry about some
boy who reminded him of... it hit Ray like a ton of bricks
when he'd gotten up from the bed to use the bathroom, and
peeked back at his lover asleep tucked under the covers with
just his dark mane of hair to be seen. He spoke to his
lover in his mind. *He reminds you of you doesn't he? Too
much hit close to home didn't it? The death of his mother.
Awkward relationship with his father. Growing up in the
isolated towns of the perpetually cold Territories. You
even understood his feeling of being alone didn't you?* Ray
looked compassionately over at Ben, his own stray he'd
acquired almost three years ago. Moving back to sit beside
his sleeping lover on the bed, he let the back of his hand
trace feather light down the side of Ben's face which was
turned towards him; in his mind seeing again the picture
that Ben had drawn and given him earlier. *God he even looks
a little like you must've as a boy. Oh man this one's gonna
really hurt isn't it?*
*************************
There was a knock at Fraser's door late one afternoon, about
a week later, and Ben was happily surprised to see his
father's and his old mountie friend Sergeant Duncan 'Buck'
Frobisher on the other side. Buck had always been someone
Ben had admired, respected and admitted to himself hero-
worshipped since childhood. In many ways Buck was like a
surrogate father to him, especially since his own father had
died almost three years earlier. Ben smiled at the welcome
visitor, but his face turned into one of concern when seeing
the sad eyes and how old Buck had become since the last time
he saw him just 6 months ago. Back then an adventurous and
amusing Buck had helped him rescue a trainload of terrorist
held RCMP Musical Ride mounties and stop the bomb on the
train from taking out a sizable chunk of Chicago.
The Buck standing in front of him now looked worn out and
ready to give up on life. "Hello Buck? Its a pleasure to
see you again. I'm beginning to think you live in Chicago
too?" As Ben ushered Buck further into the apartment he led
him to a chair at the kitchen table. "Hello Ben. No, you
can keep this 'Windy City' you've adopted, I still prefer
the white beauty of the Territories. I'm here on family
business." Ben's eyes and voice reflected the concern he
felt as he seated himself in the chair nearest Buck. "Oh?
Are Julie and Paddy alright?" Buck's eyes briefly shut and
he let out a shaky breath to steel himself at the mention of
the two people Fraser knew were the closest to him.
Restraining the deep emotion he felt, Buck answered as
matter of fact as he could, to get him through this part.
"Julie's gone Ben. She died in a car accident over two
months ago." Ben took in a sharp intake of air at the
tragic news. "Oh Buck, I'm so sorry. I hadn't heard. I'll
always remember her. She was such a good and beautiful
woman." Buck replied. "That she was and more. She left me
a terrific - but currently troublesome - grandson that I
seem to have misplaced. I tracked him down here to Chicago
just today. I was hoping maybe you could help me locate
Paddy, seeing as you're familiar with the lay of the land
here." Fraser nodded and responded. "Of course I'll assist
you Buck. I've been on a search for a run away myself.
What makes you think your grandson is here in Chicago? Its
an awfully long distance from the Territories to run to..."
Then Fraser saw a connection in what he just said at the
same time as he saw the family snapshot Buck placed in front
of him of a smiling Julie and Paddy. He let out a gasp of
recognition. "Oh dear. Buck I believe we're already
working on the same case. This is the boy I've been looking
for since last Tuesday. He was going by the name Jeremy
Morgan when I met him."
Buck seemed to perk up at that and pumped him for as much
detail about the day Ben met and lost Jeremy/Paddy and what
he'd already gone through to locate him. Buck filled Fraser
in on the kid's home life with an estranged father, his
guilt at feeling responsible for Julie's death and his
confusion as to where he belonged. Fraser asked. "But why
would he choose Chicago as his destination? What's here in
Chicago that would make him drive thousands of miles in the
winter? Why not somewhere else in Canada? Somewhere more
familiar?" Fraser could tell there was something Buck was
holding back from him. He could see it hovering behind
those wise but tired eyes. "He's here to find his father."
Fraser gave Frobisher a puzzled look and was afraid the man
was going senile, because Buck had told him earlier Paddy
was running away from his father who lived in Runamuckluk.
"Buck you aren't making any sense. How could Paddy be
running away from his father in Runamuckluk and be running
to him in Chicago at the same time?" Buck sighed in
resignation. "Because Bruce isn't his biological father.
For which I'm thankful. Never liked the guy. Still don't
know what Julie saw in him. Especially since she was in
love with someone else." Fraser responded starting to
understand. "Ah. I recall your telling me that once before,
that time Geiger hunted you here a while back. Did she ever
tell the man she really loved about his son? Obviously
Jeremy, excuse me, Paddy knows who the man is. If you tell
me who he is we can look him up. Maybe Paddy's with him
now? I certainly hope so."
Buck looked directly into Fraser's eyes as he revealed the
identity of Paddy's father to him. Before he said the name
he repeated what he'd once tried to tell him, that one time
when Ben had asked him if he knew who the man was that Julie
loved. He'd just hinted back then, but now he would fill
in the man's name. "He's a nice guy. Kind of guy that
would never let a friend down..." Ben's eyes widened a bit
at the remembrance of these words, then Buck continued.
"His name is Benton Fraser. And I have it on good authority
that yes Paddy was with him. But apparently not for long."
Fraser went through a myriad of reactions in the course of a
minute at this news; first shock at the astounding
information; then puzzlement as he recalled his past history
with Julie; followed by acceptance of his role in creating
such a beautiful child; then joy at the thought of being a
father; to end with fear and an ache in his heart and soul
for his missing child.
Fraser wasn't sure how to discuss this with Buck. He had
made love to Buck Frobisher's daughter and got her pregnant
out of wedlock. Well actually it was close to her being in
wedlock as he recalled, not to him but Bruce. Ben was
amazed that Buck had known about his indiscretion with
Julie, yet consistently treated him well all throughout his
adult life and even now. He felt he should say something to
apologize for what he'd done. "Buck I'm sorry. I didn't
realize. I did care for your daughter and I meant her no
disrespect. Please believe me." Buck gave him a knowing
smile. "I know. When she told me she was divorcing Bruce
she confessed to me the reason why. She still loved you Ben
and her husband knew that Paddy wasn't his child. He had
found out around then that he can't have children of his
own. I had always hoped to have you as a son-in-law Ben -
you're like a son to me - but I'm happy to have Paddy in
your place. He really is a good boy, alot like you were at
that age."
***********************************
Ben hadn't stopped looking for the boy days after Paddy had
run from him. He had noticed right away that his watch,
which was one of the few mementos of the dead Fraser Sr he
owned, was missing. The watch had been on the bedside table
and he knew that Paddy had taken it in his escape from
Fraser's apartment. Ben's desire to have the watch back
only lasted a few seconds, when he realized that if the
money for it were to help shelter or feed the boy, even for
just a brief time, then the loss was worth it and served its
purpose. It would also help serve as a way to track him, so
he inquired over the next few days at several pawn shops in
the city, but none had the watch or seen Paddy.
Fraser knew that the boy was running not so much from him,
but what he represented... the law. From his conversations
with the boy, he had gotten the impression the kid was very
familiar with the traditions of the mounties and seemed to
respect them highly. He also got the sense that the kid
disliked any involvement in crime and Ben knew the stolen
truck and crossing illegally into the US must really have
bothered the kid's conscience. Paddy had overheard what Ray
said about the stolen truck, the bank robbery, the murder
and Paddy's being a suspect. Fraser instinctively knew that
the boy wasn't a killer, but Paddy thinking Fraser and
other's believed it just made the teenager run even harder.
Ray had had the truck impounded and the forensics team had
discovered evidence linking the truck further to the crime
up in Moosejaw. Paddy's fingerprints and those of another
were all over the vehicle incriminating him further. There
was also part of the stash of stolen money hidden inside the
driver's seat of the truck. It hadn't been touched until
then and only the other fingerprints were on it. Fraser
knew that Paddy didn't know he'd been sitting on 25,000
dollars Canadian that whole time he drove the vehicle.
Every night after his shift at the consulate, Fraser was out
wandering or driving around the city, with Ray in tow when
Ray was of a mind to join him in the search. During the day
Fraser would call Ray's cellular phone several times, to
check on whether any reports had come in on the boy. He'd
also been calling the hospitals and shelters daily, becoming
a pest, as he kept inquiring whether they'd admitted a boy
there matching Paddy's description. After a week of this
Ray decided to have a serious talk with Ben about his
obsession with the run away. Ray forced Ben to sit and then
squatted down in front of him looking up at him
sympathetically as he grabbed hold of one of his hands, the
other hand touching his lover's face to catch his eyes.
"Benny, he's gone. The PDs looking for him too. They'll
find him. And if he wants to be found he knows where you
are. I know you're worried about him, but you're overdoin'
it. You'll make yourself sick. I'm worried about you."
Fraser was touched by his lover's concern for his well
being, but Ben's tired sad eyes told Ray that he was
stubbornly going to keep looking. Those eyes were also
trying to tell him something else. "Benny there's something
you haven't told me about him yet isn't there?" Ben was
surprised all over again at how well his lover could read
him and nodded.
He had to tell him about Buck's visit earlier that day and
that Buck would be returning shortly, after checking out of
his hotel. He was coming over with his gear to room with
Fraser until they found Paddy. "Ray you may want to sit
down for this." Ray did as he was told growing more worried
by the second as he held on tightly to one of Ben's hands.
"Talk to me Benny." Fraser looked straight into his lover's
eyes and with a smile forcing its way to his lips he shared
his special knowledge. "That run away is my son Ray."
The reaction he'd gotten was amusingly and beautifully
priceless as Ray spluttered a few times trying to come up
with something to say, but he was speechless. " Whoa!
Wha???... H???...???" Ray always had something to say about
everything and he laughed at his lover's attempt to ask a
million questions at once without fully voicing a single
one. Ben knew intuitively what Ray wanted to ask him and
therefore shared his story about Julie and subsequently
Paddy now...
Ben had lived in the same town as Julie and her now ex-
husband Bruce for a short time when they were all teenagers
attending the same regional high school. Ben had known
Julie even longer than that since their father's had been
close friends. Not having alot of family, Ben had grown up
thinking of Julie as if she were a sister or cousin.
Whenever they saw each other, which didn't happen all that
often during most of their childhood, they had enjoyed each
other's company and found they had alot in common. The
thing they had most in common was a love for music. They
found they enjoyed singing together and harmonized quite
beautifully according to those lucky enough to hear them.
Fraser had moved around a few times in his young life and
because of this, part of his last year of high school had
been spent at the same school as Julie, much to his and her
happiness. They had both joined the school chorus and often
discussed the musical selections and practiced the pieces
after school. As the school year progressed Ben started
feeling things for Julie that he had a hard time
reconciling, especially since he'd always thought of her as
family. He'd been a virgin back then and was increasingly
made aware of that fact each time he was with Julie. He was
beginning to see her in a new light now - no longer just the
girl he'd known since they were small, but a desirable
woman; especially those times when she'd brush up against
him leaning over to read a piece of sheet music he had or
he'd watch her smiling sensual mouth as it released the most
beautifully perfect sounds. He could sense her attraction
to him as well and often wondered if some of those
accidental touches were deliberate or snatches of suspicious
looks at him were really what he thought. But each time
he'd brush it off and pretend he didn't notice with a -
*This is Julie...* he'd remind himself, *Buck's daughter...
I can't think of her like this.*
The school year had come to an end. Ben had been named
valedictorian of their graduating class and Julie had been
salutatorian. Graduation day was a happy occasion for them
both and they had given their speeches and sung their
absolute best together that day at the ceremony. Both of
their fathers had been present, amicably bickering and
teasing each other about who's child had the better speech
or who sang better, there was alot of pride in both children
that day. They had all gone out to have a celebratory
dinner after the ceremony and had run into Bruce and his
family at the restaurant.
Julie had been dating Bruce O'Connor for three years then
and had just broken up with him for the second time in their
relationship a couple of days earlier. Bruce had wanted her
to marry him and raise a family right away. Julie had other
ambitions and hoped to go to college first, major in music,
hoping to follow this love of her's into a profession of
that type. Bruce didn't understand her commitment to this
wish and treated her dream too lightly causing her to turn
him down and break off their relationship. At the dinner
the tension between the two of them, sitting across the room
from each other, was like an electrical storm, but to
everyone else she pretended and carried on as if nothing was
wrong.
After dinner they went over to the Frobisher's home so
Fraser Sr and Buck, who hadn't seen each other in a long
time, could 'catch up on crime in the Territories' some more
they'd been told. Ben and Julie had laughed at that knowing
their fathers well, they knew this actually meant they were
probably going to trade one fantastical story after another
to keep topping each other. The amusing thing about it was
most of it was true or just slightly exaggerated to make it
a better story. Their fathers were always good naturedly
competing with one another and loved to tease each other.
Julie had excused herself at one point to go outside. When
she hadn't returned in a short time, Ben decided to follow
her and make sure she was alright. He found her crying in
the barn and was instantly at her side wrapping his arms
around her in an embrace to comfort her. "What's wrong
Julie?" he soothingly spoke into silky soft golden hair.
She turned her tear filled eyes to him and before he
realized what was happening he was returning the kiss she
initiated. The tear tinged kiss was exhilarating and the
mouth which produced such beautiful sounds was amazingly in
his. Her tongue exploring and teasing him was matched with
the same enthusiasm back.
He felt hands at his shirt unbuttoning him and his desire,
as her silken fingers pulled the soon forgotten shirt from
his body followed quickly thereafter by his undershirt. At
first a part of his mind had berated him for not acting in a
gentlemanly fashion towards her - felt he was taking
advantage of her vulnerable state - but this voice in his
head was quickly overruled by the ones of growing lust and
desire, especially when he had removed her blouse and bra to
caress her breasts - first with his hands, then with his
mouth; hearing all the while dulcimer sighs and musical
moans escape her.
She had taken his hand at some point and pulled him towards
a pile of hay, beckoning him with her movements, her eyes,
her seductive voice to follow. He was her's to command as
she removed the last of her clothing, fully revealing
herself to him now. Laying down on the hay she reached out
a hand to pull him to her. Her other hand, soon joined by
its mate, was undoing his pants, freeing his arousal for
her. His mouth was on her's and then he felt himself glide
in between her legs. She let out a melodious cry at his
penetration and he was afraid at first that he'd hurt her.
She read the worry that crossed his flushed face and smiled
radiantly at him to reassure and show her pleasure. They
then began to move together in a rhythmic harmony unlike any
other harmony they had achieved previously with their voices
entwined; now they were physically entwined and the joy of
it was beyond what he could have ever imagined...
Ray was looking at him with an understanding that touched
Ben and he was glad he told him about this. He was the only
one he'd ever told his indiscretion with Julie to. Ray
asked. "Ya didn't finish the story Benny. Why didn't you
end up with her? Did you love her? What happened after the
roll in the hay? God that's so clich." At the look Fraser
gave him for his ending commentary, Ray behaved himself
again... for the most part. "Sorry Benny. Don't mind me.
I'm just jealous. We haven't tried that yet. Continue."
Fraser shook his head and chuckled. "Oh Ray you're
incredible." Ray smiled wickedly over at his lover and
lifted his eyebrows suggestively. "Yeah, so you've told me
before. Stop tryin' to turn me on and out with rest of the
story already. God I never thought I'd hear myself say
that. Forget I said that. Go back to the turning me on
part." After a few minutes of playful teasing, Fraser told
him the rest...
He'd gone to Julie's house again the next afternoon and
found that what had happened between them was not going to
repeat itself. When he entered the house he found Bruce was
there. He'd felt awkward; he'd thought that Bruce was out
of Julie's life from their breaking up a few days earlier.
When he saw the ring on her finger, he knew she was lost to
him before he could even reconcile how he truly felt about
her. His stomach was in knots and he had an ache for her,
which he wanted to deny. He felt used, hurt and betrayed,
but still found he cared for her. In order to alleviate
these feelings, which he didn't want to acknowledge, he
relegated their lovemaking from the night before to a
temporary 'inner ear imbalance'; and admonished himself for
thinking that she could be anything more to him than just
someone special, who was like family.
She'd asked Bruce to be left alone with Ben for a few
minutes. She told him that she cared about him very much,
he was still a dear friend to her, but that she had accepted
Bruce's second marriage proposal. They'd come to an
understanding about her wish to continue with her education
and her music.
What she didn't tell Ben was she did love him, had always
loved him, but was afraid to live the life of being a
mountie's wife; after seeing what it had done to her
parent's marriage, especially her mother, who had constantly
worried for him every time her father left them to track
down criminals or go out in the wilderness to rescue
someone. Julie couldn't bear the thought of being married
to Fraser knowing that the life he led would put him in
constant danger; that he could leave her side one day to go
to work and never come back. She thought the life Bruce was
offering her would be more stable, not life threatening and
he was also not one for wanderlust like her father, or
Fraser Sr or Ben. She'd married Bruce - to her father's
disappointment - and went on to become a professor of music
and the mother of Patrick Duncan O'Connor, whom she let her
husband believe was his child, but all the while relished
the fact that he was the son of her real love Ben.
*****************************
He was running scared; sixteen years old and still he
thought he knew it all, but what he'd seen and heard tonight
his young life still hadn't prepared him for.
Paddy blindly burst out of the alley near Fraser's apartment
complex and turned left, not even conscious of his having
made the decision to run in this direction. It didn't
matter any direction would do so long as it was forward and
putting the man he felt he didn't deserve as a father far
behind him. *What a disappointment I must be? He knows I'm
a run away, a liar, a thief, oh god... he thinks I'm a
murderer." was the thought that kept running like a litany
pounding through his mind in conjunction with the pounding
of his heart and his feet. He didn't see the car that he
ran right in front of until he bounced off its hood and onto
the pavement. The driver, an attractive young man of Latino
background about 19 years old, got out of the car and ran
towards the unmoving boy on the ground. In a panic he cried
out to the other person still calmly seated in the car. "Oh
god Joey, I think I killed him." The man called Joey slowly
got out of the car and walked over. "I told ya to keep
goin' Tony. Now we gotta deal with him." As the short
stocky man, who was in his late thirties, got closer he
liked what he saw of the handsome young teenager on the
ground, despite the bruise that was forming at his temple
and the scrapes there and on his hands and knee. "Naw he
ain't dead Tony. Just stunned him. Yo kid wake up." He
knelt and shook Paddy, who just groaned in response. "Come
on Tony, help me get him in the car."
Paddy vaguely felt the hands that helped lift and support
him from the road and into the car. He just wanted to
sleep, but they wouldn't leave him alone, saying he probably
had a concussion and that he needed to stay awake. Awake?
Was he awake? Wasn't this all just a bad dream he'd be
waking from soon? His head hurt and his thoughts were
fuzzy, when they asked him his name. What name should he
give this time? Not Paddy; no longer Jeremy; another alias
came out of his mouth - "Stephen." "Stephen What?" they'd
asked him. He giggled half out of it and responded. "No
'What' isn't my last name. Now that's just silly. Its..."
Hmm he ran through a list of possible names, discarding
quickly the first two to come to mind: King and Wright.
"Its Banks." They'd had him talking with them and answering
a couple of more 'simple' questions, some of which he
answered truthfully others he made up lies to protect
himself.
They'd taken him to Tony's place, which was upstairs from a
exotic nightclub in a sleazy part of Chicago. Joey had left
Tony to care for his new charge, wanting nothing more to do
with the kid right now in the state he was in. Joey left
him with the commanding words. "He's your responsibility
Tony. Make sure he's ok before you come see me again. Got
it?" Tony nodded and responded. "Sure Joey. I understand.
Thanks." Tony had taken care of Stephen/Paddy that night,
bandaging him up and giving him a pack of ice for the slight
swelling, as well as entertaining the kid by playing cards
with him. He was amazed to find out the kid didn't know how
to play poker, but then realized the kid must be a cardshark
when he started winning the hands more and more as the game
progressed. All the while he snuck in questions about
Stephen/Paddy's background. Joey was right he realized when
he'd gotten back some strange answers... the kid was a run
away and really bad at lying. Joey had known alot of runaways,
so that he got good at spotting them now. Tony had
been a run away once too, 5 years ago. Orphaned and forced
to live with an abusive alcoholic grandfather he'd run from
him after a terrible beating; that's when Joey had found him
and taken care of him. He felt he owed Joey his loyalty
ever since for providing him with medical attention, a place
to stay, food to eat and a job to pay the bills.
A few days had passed in which Tony and Stephen/Paddy had
gotten along very well. In this time Tony had learned what
an obsessively neat and considerate person the kid was.
When he'd gone to work the night after their initial
meeting, he'd come back to find his apartment had been
straightened up. The next night he'd come back and the
place was impeccably scrubbed and polished. The third night
he even found a note that told him dinner was in the oven.
He'd gotten the dinner, because the kid knew he worked late
hours and asked him when and what he ate. Tony told him
sometimes he missed meals or grabbed something from a
convenience store nearby or leftovers from the nightclub's
kitchen when his shift ended. Tony was beginning to really
like this kid and was giving careful thought to offering him
up to Joey as he promised he would in a couple more days.
Tony had talked to Joey a couple of times on the phone
during the week and gave him progress reports on his new
roommate. He lied a little, after a while, to stall for
time for the kid, making it sound like the boy wasn't fully
recovered yet, when Tony knew he was. But Joey would catch
on to this soon if he kept it up for too long. After a week
and a half he admitted that Stephen/Paddy was doing really
well and the bruising and scrapes had gone down to being
barely even noticeable now.
The day came when Tony made the offhand suggestion, which
was really a well thought out scheme, that Stephen/Paddy now
that he was feeling better should try to get work with him
in the club downstairs as a waiter. It was his friend
Joey's club and he'd pay him the going rate and whatever
tips Stephen/Paddy earned. The idea of working to pay his
own way appealed to the naive boy and he trusted his new
found friend so that he was willing to try it. The next day
they ended up in Joey's office at another club in a better
part of town. "So Tony you still have your little friend I
see. What's your name again kid?" Stephen/Paddy replied.
"Stephen Banks sir. Tony told me that there might be a job
opening in the club where he works for you. I'm
interested." Joey pretended to look him over carefully.
"Well you do realize its an exotic club, of both the female
and male kind don't ya? And there is alcohol served and you
need to be twenty-one don't ya? Ya don't have a drinkin' or
substance abuse problem do ya? Because if ya do you're no
good to me. I don't want to have to worry about ya
interfering with the running of my business." Stephen/Paddy
responded quickly. "No sir. Don't have to worry about me.
I'm ok with this arrangement. I need this job."
Stephen/Paddy had been slightly surprised by the description
of the club, but felt he could handle it, even if he wasn't
the recommended age. Besides Tony would be there working
with him and he liked his friend, so it couldn't be all that
bad. Tony had also told him that there were two of them
already under 21 working there now; Tony was one and another
guy named Jimmy, who was 17. He'd said to him the other
day. "You're 18, 19 right Steve? You could pass for a very
young looking 21 maybe?" he'd laughed at that remark.
Joey pretended to give in. "Well ya look like a good kid.
I'm trusting you won't disappoint me; make me look bad.
I'll try you out for a week. You won't get full hours until
I think you can handle this job. Deal?" Joey put out a
hand to shake and Stephen/Paddy placed his hand in Joey's to
clinch it. Joey took out a wad of cash from his pocket.
"I'll pay you right up front for a week, so you can see this
job is in good faith. You get to keep the money even if it
doesn't work out after the week trial run. Tony's one of my
best workers, he'll show ya the ropes. Won't ya Tony?"
Tony smiled but it came out false, because he knew what the
next phases of this 'job training' would entail. "Sure
Joey." They'd left the office shortly after that and Joey
laughed to hear the innocence of the kid quietly say to
Tony. "What ropes do I have to look at Tony? What'd he mean
by that?". His customers were gonna like this fresh new
talent he could tell already.
It had been about a week and a half since Stephen/Paddy had
run from Fraser. Joey had seen a mountie two days ago
nosing around one of his clubs asking about a kid that
looked like Stephen/Paddy. He wouldn't say what the kid had
done or what he was running from, just that it was
imperative that he find him. Joey chalked it up to just
another hardluck run away story, but this kid must have come
all the way from Canada. He could kind of hear it in the
way the kid talked. No wonder a mountie was looking for him
then. Joey figured he'd give up soon and go back north
where he came from empty-handed.
The week working at the club was an unusual and eye opening
experience for Stephen/Paddy. Most of the people who came
into the place were the strangest that he'd ever met in his
young life and certainly lacking in manners and good
behavior. Tony had trained and versed him in the different
drinks served and gave him all kinds of advice and tips on
how to do the job more efficiently and avoid nasty
situations with drunk patrons. Every now and again Tony
would disappear for stretches of time, but Stephen/Paddy
would be busy and soon not wonder where his friend had gone
off to, assuming it was a break or something like that.
Tony had seniority here despite his age and perhaps that
gave him certain privileges.
Tony had been impressed with how quickly the kid picked up
things. He was like a sponge when it came to information
such as mixology. Rarely would Tony ever have to repeat
what was in a certain mixed drink or what the specials for
the day were. The kid moved quickly and smoothly through
the place, even at its most crowded moments. Tony found
himself amused watching the kid. He laughed at the kid's
embarrassed reaction to the nude dancer's on the stage, but
after a couple of days he seemed to not notice any more.
After a week Tony observed the kid had even gotten
proficient at gracefully avoiding roving hands with barely a
hint that he even noticed. Tony had to laugh the first time
Stephen/Paddy said to him. "That big guy with all the rings
over there just patted my backside. He's definitely had too
much to drink if he could do that. I told him that he must
have erred in his judgment and he just laughed." Tony had
noticed that 'big guy' was watching Stephen/Paddy quite a
bit and found out later he'd also given the kid a very
decent tip. Probably gonna be a repeat customer he figured
and already had his eye on the kid. The kid already seemed
to be doing very well in the tips department, not only for
his handsome looks, but he had a polite friendly non-
judgmental way about him that was charming. Tony hated his
job, not so much the part he was used to now, but the part
where he was used to hook others like himself into this
sleazy lifestyle he couldn't break free from.
The agreed upon time frame had come and gone. Joey had made
a special visit to the club one night to check on the kid
and after a half hour of watching him, called him over to
his table. "Good evening Mr. Mandacini. What can I get for
you sir?" Joey liked the way the kid always called him sir,
it was a sign of respect and good manners. "Tony's filled
me in on how you've been working out for me. Says you're a
good hard worker. I've been watchin' ya tonight and I can
see he's right. Therefore I think we can safely say you've
got the job for as long as you want it kid. Deal?"
Stephen/Paddy smiled and put his hand out and they shook on
it. "Deal."
A few days later, Ray was on his way home from a long shift
at the precinct when an emergency call from Elaine was
patched through to him. "Ray, is Fraser with you?" Ray
answered. "Naw, I'm on my way over to his place now.
What's up?" Elaine sounded worried. "A friend of mine's
been working undercover on a case involving child
prostitution. Sorry to tell you this, but my friend thinks
he spotted Fraser's run away at the club tonight. Its a
place called the Lightening Rod over on Beechwood." With an
expletive uttered beneath his breath, which he made sure
Elaine didn't hear, Ray quickly turned the car around to
head in the other direction, to get to the club as fast as
possible. He responded. "Elaine I'm on my way over there
now." Elaine was concerned for him. "Ray that's a pretty
scuzzy neighborhood, you want me to get some back up for
you?" Ray smiled at her concern. "Can you hold off on the
backup for now Elaine. I don't want to spook the kid. And
I plan on getting a special kind of backup. I'm gonna call
for Fraser. If I can't get hold of him and he checks in for
me at the precinct, tell him where I've gone alright?"
Elaine gave in to his request. "Sure Ray. Be careful. Let
me know when you're on the scene and maybe then you may want
that other backup?"
Ray hated this part of town. He didn't come down here all
that often, because it wasn't an area really covered by his
precinct. He didn't want to trample on any of his fellow
Chicago PD coworker's toes, but this was important enough to
him that if it happened he wouldn't mind taking the heat for
it if/'when' Welsh found out. Welsh always managed to find
out.
He entered the crowded, smoky, loud and sleazy looking club,
thinking it was one of the scuzziest he'd ever had the
misfortune of going to. He thought he'd seen every club of
this type recently when Fraser and he got involved with
helping Ida, the exotic dancer who's boyfriend Brad talked
about criminal intentions in his sleep. He'd gone to alot
of these types of clubs then to track her down. Looking
around in this one, he thought it had to be one of the
worst, if not 'the' worst he'd ever entered. It put him
immediately on guard, on alert and observant of everyone as
his eyes roamed over the main room. There were a few
private alcoves to either side of the room, that he couldn't
see into right away until he did a complete walk through of
the place.
He'd just about given up his search in here after 15
minutes, when he turned to see the kid brush past him with a
tray of drinks for a table on the other side of the room.
The kid looked to be very familiar with and in control of
what he was doing, which upset Ray. He had an overwhelming
urge to rush up to the kid, snatch him by an arm or his ear
or his hair - whatever would hurt most - and drag him out of
here immediately. But he stood his ground for now, just
observing. When he saw someone reach to touch the kid where
he shouldn't be touched, Ray almost lost it and started to
get up from his seat to go over and break the guy's arm.
There was no need to though, as he watched the precise move
the kid made which had the customer flabbergasted he could
elude him so quickly. Ray wondered how long the kid could
keep that up, until someone finally caught him. He didn't
want to find out.
Unfortunately he knew how sleazeball places like this
operated. It disgusted him that these even existed. He
walked over to the bar and made himself familiar with the
bartender there. Making the right noises and comments until
he felt the road had been smoothed out enough and he'd
gotten a feel that his perceptions of how this place ran
were correct, he said. "That kid over there. Is he
available?" The bartender gave him a suggestive knowing
look and a sleazy smile. "Why do ya want to know? Ya
interested?" Ray matched the smile and responded. "Could be
for the right price." The bartender responded. "He's a bit
more expensive than the rest. New talent. Virgin
merchandise. Ya still interested?" Ray was again disgusted
with this whole place and how easy it had been to arrange
this peddling of young flesh. He couldn't believe he was
here now and that Fraser's kid... *Aw shit, when Benny finds
out about this, it'll break his heart. This kid has alot to
make up for.*... was working in a place like this. He kept
up his charade with the bartender, being introduced to
someone else who handled the 'in'-human transactions. Ray
was surprised at how much he ended up spending to clinch the
deal. But it was worth it if he could get the kid out of
here, away from harm and away from going down when the
undercover guys raided the place. He'd had to give half the
money up front, the rest to be delivered later. He was told
which room upstairs to go to and wait.
Tony was told about the transaction and he felt his insides
shiver at the unwelcome but not unexpected news. The day he
dreaded was now here. He'd tried to prepare the kid a
couple of days ago with some bits and pieces of how he
earned extra cash. He'd been a bit harsh in telling the boy
that he couldn't keep him as an unpaying roommate, the
expenses were too much for himself, let alone the load he'd
taken on with Stephen/Paddy staying with him. He'd played
the game as Joey wanted and it hurt to see how he treated
the kid after that. He knew what the kid was feeling, he'd
been there before a few years ago. Tony knew the right
buttons to push, because they were the same ones that were
used on him. Joey had shared with Tony some information
he'd gotten on the kid from a mountie that had shown up at
one of his clubs. It wasn't much, but it was enough to use
as leverage against the kid to let Stephen/Paddy know they
knew he was wanted by the Canadian mounties.
Tony hated what he was about to do and cursed Joey, his
benefactor, for making him into someone he despised. "Hey
Steve, ya gotta minute?" Stephen/Paddy finished what he was
doing at one of the tables and gave him a friendly smile.
"Be right there." Tony took him to a secluded alcove and
let him know there was a 'customer' inquiring about him.
Tony made it sound like this was a good deal, could lead to
enough money to start the kid up in an apartment of his own;
and played on what he knew already of the things that
interested the boy. He'd learned too much about the kid in
the two and half weeks they'd roomed together. The
friendship they'd developed over that time was now being
used against the kid and perverted into something which
saddened him. He'd given the kid some advice, explained a
few house rules about this aspect of the job, then gave him
the room number and time for the meet. "Its up to you...
its not so bad after a while." He lied, but it was
partially true, after almost 5 years he'd managed to grow
numb to that part of his life now.
"Tony?", the trusting voice and eyes didn't finish the
question, just his name and nothing more, but he knew the
kid wanted his reassurance. "Come see me after and we can
talk about it, ok? I'll make sure I'm available." He knew
he didn't want to talk about what the kid would go through,
it would make him relive his first too, but he felt he owed
it to him to offer this support. "Sure Tony." *Oh god...*
Tony said to himself, realizing with a shiver that the way
the kid said 'Sure Tony' was the same way, tone and all,
that Tony always responded to Joey. It scared him to
realize he'd become to this kid, like Joey was to Tony.
How'd that happen? As the kid started to leave him, he
grabbed the boy's hand in a reassuring squeeze and at the
same time pressed a couple of condoms into the soft young
hand, startling the boy. Then he caught his eyes
communicating his message loud and clear and verbalized it
as well - "Protect yourself."
The door opened hesitantly and slowly as the kid entered
apprehensively. Seeing the boy for the first time face to
face, Ray was amazed at the striking resemblance he
definitely had to Ben. Another Ben was just too miraculous
for Ray to comprehend, but he reminded himself not to fall
for this kid's look, because Paddy'd proven how different he
was from his parent already by all the things he'd done so
far. Ray wasn't going to forgive and forget so easily. He
let his eyes rove over the boy to catalog his features, and
at the same time he wanted to make the kid think for a few
minutes about what he'd gotten himself into. The hair
coloring and style was different and the nose wasn't quite
the same; he wasn't as tall or as filled out muscularly as
his father... yet; but the shape of the face and mouth was
right and the eyes were almost exactly the mirror of Ben's,
not just in color, but in the beautiful innocence in them.
He was feeling himself getting suckered in, but then caught
himself.
Ray rose from the bed he was seated on, slowly walking over
to the immobile speechless kid, who he was pleased looked
the way he should: trembling slightly, naive and unsure how
he got there. They hadn't really met formally yet, so Ray
had the advantage of knowing who the boy was and figured the
kid didn't recognize him, since the only times he'd been
over at Fraser's he'd been whispering in the dark to Benny.
He put on one of his most charming phony smiles as he walked
slowly over to the kid, as he said. "You certainly are a
handsome boy." He could see the kid's eyes get wider and
visibly gulp as he got closer. Ray again was pleased with
the reaction of fear he was sensing from Paddy, thinking to
himself. *Good. I want ya to sweat a little.* Then he
was within arms reach of the kid, who was trying to back
away the short distance towards the wall. Ray lifted his
hand towards Paddy and... helped him out... by suddenly and
forcefully pushing the kid's chest near the shoulder, so
that he'd slam into the wall, as he laid into him with his
angry words which also felt as if he physically slammed the
kid. "What the fuck do you think you're doin' kid?! Ya
know you've got your father and grandfather running
themselves ragged tryin' to find ya and you're here in this
hell hole the whole time! Man what's wrong with ya?! I
know Benny ain't stupid and far as I can tell Buck ain't
either, so I don't know where the hell ya got it from!" The
frightened shell shocked eyes, that were filling with unshed
tears, looking into his own almost made him feel sorry for
the kid... almost. But Paddy just angered him more and more
when he thought of what he'd put his father through. It was
gonna kill Fraser to know what his son had gotten himself
messed up in; his being underage working at a sleazy club
amongst the scum of the earth, and it turned Ray's stomach
to think about the other functions of the kid's job, and
prayed he'd gotten here in time that it hadn't gone that
far. From Paddy's reactions he was reading that he was his
first 'customer' of this type.
"Oh god. You're him right? The guy in Fraser's
apartment... the cop?" Ray smiled viciously, nodding in
response at the kid. "God ain't gonna be able to help you,
if you don't get your butt out of this place with me now!
We'll have time for introductions later, over tea and
biscuits, but now I suggest we get movin'. I think Fraser
and Buck aren't too far behind me if I know mounties."
The kid was angry at being treated like this, by someone he
barely knew. He couldn't stop himself from blurting out,
"Who are you to judge me? You and Fraser are gay, so why
should this bother you?". As soon as he said this he wished
he could take it back, but it was too late. Ray's jaw
dropped when he heard his lifestyle choice, which he thought
was hidden, spoken of so matter of fact and in the open like
this; coming out of the mouth of a child. The boy must have
seen them kissing at the apartment he realized. This
comment wasn't endearing the kid to him right now, but he
managed to respond with just barely controlled ferocity.
"Kid you've got alot of growing up to do, if you mistake my
love for Fraser with what's going on here. Don't you dare
dirty it. And yes THIS DOES BOTHER ME! It *should* bother
you too! What if it hadn't been me here now as your first
'customer'? You got lucky, because against my better
judgment, I care about what happens to you. It could've
been someone else... some sicko or homicidal maniac who
could care less about you; give ya AIDs, beat ya, get ya
hooked on drugs. In my line of work, I've seen what happens
to kids like you, in places like this. It ain't pretty.
And don't ya dare say ya can take care of yourself. Because
you've already proven to me ya can't." The frightened
quivering lip and dejected eyes let him know that he was
starting to get through to the kid. A choked out stammer
was his response, when Paddy realized now how in the wrong
he was. "I'm...I'm sor...sorry." Ray was relentless. "Ya
should be! Now we gotta get outta here, before my time's
gonna be up."
Feeling a little steadier now, his curiosity needed to be
sated, in regards to the man he once thought was his father
- Bruce. "You mentioned my father's looking for me too?"
Ray didn't look like he wanted, or had the time, to talk
when they should be moving before his allotted time with the
boy was up. "Oh he is... he's stayed up in Canada in case
you decided to go back on your own and to work with the
authorities on that side of the border. He's been callin'
every day from Runamuckluk checking up on us. But I meant
Fraser. He knows he's your father now. You've had him
worried to death, even before he knew who you were. He's
like that. Ya got lucky to have a dad like him. Ya better
be worth it kid, because I hate seein' him hurt."
He grabbed onto the kids arm hard and started to pull him
along with him out of the room. At the end of the hallway
near the top of the stairs, they were met by a big burly
wall of a man. "Sorry but the merchandise don't leave with
ya. Ya only get what ya paid for and no more. Got it? Let
the boy go." But Ray was in a foul mood and this place was
really getting to him, so that although the man was more
than double Ray's size and weight he was ready to fight him.
"Kid's comin' with me and I don't think you're gonna stop
me." He would have flashed his badge, but he had left it in
the car, along with his holster and gun. But he had his
small caliber back-up gun in his pocket. He'd moved it from
his leg to his pocket while waiting in the room for Paddy.
He was trying to pull it out of his pocket now, but the guy
yanked his arm roughly, having an idea what he was up to.
That's when he caught a flash of Fraser at the bottom of the
stairs. "Paddy!" he'd heard Fraser call out to his son as
he rushed up the couple of flights of stairs to get to them.
Ray fought like a wild man with this bear of a man grappling
with him. But he wasn't gaining any ground. Paddy was
trying to get by the fighting men to go to his father, but
his way kept getting blocked by them. Then Ray somehow had
the gun out of his pocket and in his hand ready to use it on
his attacker. What happened next was too horrendous. The
gun in his hand was being forced to point at Paddy. Ray
kept trying to move his arm, despite the pain it was causing
him, to not point at the boy who was at close range.
In a matter of seconds it came down to the worst decision
Fraser would ever have to make. How had that happened?
Here he was having to choose who's aid he'd come to - his
lover or his son. The loss of either one was unthinkable to
him and too painful to even imagine. But there was Ray
being overpowered by a man who looked ready to snap him in
two and there was the gun that was pointed now at Paddy,
with Ray's hand forced to do so. Fraser made his decision
and in seconds placed himself between the gun and Paddy,
embracing the boy to ensure he was fully protected with his
body and to just feel him in his arms again should this be
the last time he could do so. The gun went off and he felt
the searing heat from the bullet impact with his body, the
force of it and his position on the stairs at the time
caused him to tumble down the flight of stairs. As he fell,
he was conscious of making sure he released his son, so as
not to drag him down with him. While falling, he could hear
Ray's anguished cry, "BENNY!!! OH GOD NO!!!", paralleled by
Paddy's terrified "DAD!!!" Paddy had only fallen down the
first few stairs with him and was ok having been cushioned
by his father, who he tried to hold on to, but the man
wouldn't grab on to him, as he fell the rest of the way
down, ending in a crumpled heap at the foot of the landing.
Ray now had the force of adrenaline needed, he was filled
with enough anger and fear, that the guy he was fighting
didn't have a prayer. Ray kept smashing his attacker
against the wall and bit his arm hard enough to draw blood.
The next thing to happen was the man went out through the
glass of the hallway window. Ray didn't even spare him
another moment's thought, because he could only think of his
lover, shot once again by his hand, crumpled at the bottom
of the stairs with a crying Paddy kneeling down next to him.
He was down the stairs instantly and placing his hand
fearfully against his lover's neck. He breathed a sigh of
relief when he felt a pulse, although it was too slow.
Pulling out his cellular phone, he called for an ambulance.
Ben's eyes opened briefly at the touch of Ray's hand at his
neck. He reached out a hand to wipe at the tears on his
sons face and then down to hold a frightened sobbing Paddy's
hand. "I'm sorry." Paddy said through his tears. Ben tried
to smile at his son through his pain and softly squeezed the
kid's hand. Speaking between intakes of short breaths. "I
know." He then looked over at Ray, who looked as though he
wanted to cry, Fraser knew how horrible it was the first
time Ray had shot him, for him to have shot him again,
caused Fraser to worry about his lover. He wanted to
reassure him that he didn't blame Ray for this second
gunshot wound, that it was Ben's choice to be shot, but he
was having trouble talking now. Ray leaned his ear close to
Ben's mouth to catch what he was saying. He just barely
gasped out. "Love Ray. Take care Paddy." Ray placed his
head next to Fraser's and softly spoke in his ear, yet loud
enough for him to hear it. "I'm sorry I shot you again
Benny. Oh god I can't believe it. I love you Benny. I
wish it were me in your place. Don't worry I'll take care
of him as if he were my own. Don't leave me." Ben saw a
tear escape Ray, as he followed his words with a soft kiss
near his lover's ear. Fraser smiled and his eyes closed as
he drifted into darkness.
Three days had passed since the events which put Fraser into
a coma. It was Christmas Eve day, but to Ray, Paddy and
Buck they barely registered it as a holiday, because they
didn't have a reason to celebrate. Ray had been true to his
word to Fraser and with Buck's help they took care of their
depressed charge. Ray had to take Paddy in for questioning
in the early morning after the horrific events happened.
Welsh had arranged it so they could stay at the hospital
until they got their first reports on Fraser's condition and
had gotten to see him for themselves. The gun shot wound
had only slightly grazed Ben on his shoulder, it hadn't
truly entered his body. The part that was bad was the fall
he'd taken down the stairs resulted in a head injury, which
wouldn't have been as bad, except it was where he had
already suffered one before. He'd aggravated the healing
that had already taken place there, since that other
nightmarish time when Ray and he had been trapped in the
wilderness up north together after their plane crashed.
Ray was sleeping fully clothed on the other bed in the room,
while Paddy sat reading a day old newspaper in a chair near
his comatose father. Ray and Paddy had come to a tenuous
understanding about each other over the past couple of days.
At the precinct after the dreadful incident, Paddy was
surprised at how supportive and vehement Ray had been on his
behalf, in regards to his having been a suspect in the
robbery in Moosejaw. He'd been very protective of him and
seemed to be able to out shout or out talk anyone who tried
to even hint anything to the contrary of Paddy's innocence.
Paddy had caught Louise St Laurent, the States Attorney,
trying to flirt with Ray as she entered the interrogation
room where he, Ray, Welsh and 2 Canadian representatives
were already present. Paddy was amazed at the thought that
came to mind at that. *Sorry lady but he's already taken.*
She had gotten involved in his case to sort out the tricky
legalities of the case from the US perspective. She argued
well on Paddy's behalf, dealt with her Canadian counterparts
diplomatically and had been doing her homework. She'd had
enough evidence and proof to show that Paddy couldn't have
been involved in the robbery. His alibi as to where he was
at the time of the robbery was airtight; his fingerprints
hadn't been on any of the money; the one man that had the
right color eyes and build, had had a lisp when he spoke and
Paddy had a beautifully clear speaking voice; and the list
went on. She had concluded that the only thing the kid was
really guilty of was stealing a thief's car and seeing as
the truck hadn't been reported stolen, he really shouldn't
be held for that. Her Canadian counterparts had agreed with
her assessment of Paddy's involvement. This was especially
so when his so-called 'theft' of the truck in turn resulted
in the capture of one of the thieves and soon after the
other. Their whereabouts had been revealed when Paddy
repeated what he'd overheard of the one robber's phone
conversation in his grandmother's general store.
As Paddy continued to read the newspaper, he was surprised
that there was barely anything written about the man that
Paddy once called a friend in the piece on the child
prostitution ring as reported by MacKenzie King. She'd
written about this when the operation had been taken down by
an undercover team 2 nights earlier. It only gave a brief
sentence to reveal that a young man named Tony Riviera had
been found beaten to death in one of the rooms that Paddy
knew all too well now.
Jimmy, the other kid who worked the club, came by earlier
that evening to tell him about Tony. Which prompted Tony to
find this newspaper. Jimmy had escaped the raids of all of
Joey's clubs, because he had run earlier when he'd
accidentally seen the man who killed Tony leaving the room
where Tony's body had been found. A frightened Jimmy
relayed the killer's identity to Paddy, which caused his
blood to go cold. It was that repeat customer who always
tipped Paddy really well and had his eye on him... the big
guy with the rings. It brought his stupidity in thinking
he knew how to handle himself into perspective and he
realized that he could easily have been the one to be found
beaten and murdered instead of Tony. The thought of how
close he could have come to this fate caused him to shiver.
Paddy had convinced Jimmy to talk with Ray about what he'd
seen and Ray had ensured Jimmy was taken care of. Jimmy had
also dropped off a Christmas gift Tony had left at the
apartment for Paddy. The gift had been a beautiful wallet
with a note inside which read:
Steve,
Merry Christmas.
Your friend,
Tony
Paddy placed the newspaper down, he was having a hard time
reading it all the way through. He placed it on the chair
which he now vacated so he could step close to his father's
side. While he spoke to his father, he removed the old RCMP
issue watch from his wrist, and slid it back onto the wrist
of the unmoving man on the bed, whom he'd stolen it from.
"I don't deserve to keep this and you don't deserve to have
a son like me. I bet you wish you never even knew I was
alive. I should have stayed as nothing to you. You
wouldn't be lying here now, if I'd never tried to find you."
That night when he'd taken the watch, so long ago it seemed,
he'd done it impulsively; not really thinking why as he
grabbed it from the bedsidetable. When he'd realized what
he'd done, for a minute he thought he could pawn it, but
then for sentimental reasons he found he couldn't part with
it. It was all he would have as a memento of his real
father and it became too priceless for him to sell after
that. But now he felt he had tarnished what it
represented... his father's goodness and the law. He didn't
deserve to wear it let alone even touch it. Forlorn,
dejected and feeling sorry for himself he left the room, not
sure where he was headed, but just away from the foreboding
fear of losing another parent so soon after the first.
These sad thoughts of his clung to and followed him down the
hospital corridor, along with everything he'd heard from
Jimmy, read in the paper about what he'd gotten himself and
his father messed up into, his guilt for his mother's
death... the list went on and on in his head for how
worthless he was. He wandered the halls, aimless, just like
his life he thought to himself.
Fraser was in a strange place which was impossibly dark and
colorful at the same time. Through the murk of it he could
just make out a shimmering form of pure white light and hear
his name being called faintly from somewhere and everywhere
at once. The light was so inviting and the voice so
melodic, he wanted to follow wherever it would lead. "Ben.
Ben. Wake up Ben. You can't come with me. Go back. Our
son needs you. He's starting to give up on hope... on life.
Be there for him. Wake up. He's in the chapel. Go to him
Ben. I love you both." He felt bereft when the magnificent
voice was gone and all that was left was a dull pain in his
head as he roused himself. His eyes snapped open in an
instant, startling the man who was by his bedside. Ray was
thrilled to see his lover awake again. "Welcome back Benny."
He leaned to kiss Ben, but was met by air where his lover
had once been. Ben was suddenly upright and moving
robotlike and swiftly out of the bed, seemingly unaware of
the worried man at his side. "Benny? What's wrong Benny?
Where ya goin'?" Ben was focused just on the one thing
which the voice had requested he do and nothing else
registered, not even the concerned hand on his arm, trying
to get him to slow down and turn back.
Fraser continued walking with a worried Ray watching him
carefully, thinking he was in a sleepwalking trance. Ray
had heard it wasn't wise to try to wake a sleepwalker, so he
hovered closely behind and let Ben go on his course
unimpeded now. He was amazed to see his friend make a very
precise, almost military-like turn, as he entered the small
hospital chapel. There were a few people in here now,
because of the short mass that was being given to recognize
the midnight hour which marked the holy day, Christmas, that
was to follow. Ray watched as Fraser seemed to be looking
for someone, first his head methodically turned to the left,
then the right, as he walked slowly along the main aisle
towards the altar and the priest who had stopped his sermon
to watch the man who had interrupted with his presence.
Then suddenly Ben did a curious thing, he began to sing. At
first he seemed to have trouble remembering the words, but
as the confidence in his memory grew stronger, so did his
voice. The song was familiar to Ray it was a Christmas
carol called "What Child Is This?". After a short time, he
could swear he heard underneath Ben's voice an echo; another
voice was tentatively trying to join his... quiet at first,
with a slight tremble in it, but then it grew in volume and
richness, until it flowed into an achingly beautiful harmony
with Ben. Then there was Paddy coming out from the shadows
in the back of the chapel, each step increasing in speed
until he was at his father's side. Ben turned his head, as
the last of the song left his mouth, and his hand went to
his son's tear slicked chin to turn his face to look into
his own. Then he placed a gentle kiss on the boy's cheek
and embraced him. "Don't be afraid. You're not alone any
more. Stop running. I'm here."
WHAT CHILD IS THIS? a Christmas carol
What child is this, who, laid to rest,
On Mary's lap is sleeping?
Whom angels greet with anthems sweet,
While shepherds watch are keeping?
This, this is Christ the King,
Whom shepherds guard and angels sing:
Haste, haste to bring him laud,
The babe, the son of Mary.
Why lies he in such mean estate
Where ox and ass are feeding?
Good Christian, fear: for sinners here
The silent Word is pleading.
Nails, spear shall pierce Him through,
The Cross be borne for me, for you;
Hail, hail, the Word made flesh,
The Babe, the Son of Mary.
So bring him incense, gold, and myrrh,
Come, peasant, king, to own him.
the King of kings salvation brings,
Let loving hearts enthrone him.
Raise, raise the song on high,
The Virgin sing her lullaby:
Joy, joy, for Christ is born,
The Babe, the Son of Mary.
THE END? WELL NOT QUITE YET...
EPILOGUE 1: WHAT CHILD DID THIS?
"Son what time is it?"
"Why should you care dad? You're dead. Is there some
pressing appointment in the afterlife you're late for?
Don't let me keep you."
"Well if you didn't know what time it was, you could have
just said so. Where's that watch of mine you're holding for
me?"
"Its with its rightful owner now dad. Its with Paddy... my
son."
"What? Oh dear merciful heaven you could warn a body when
you're gonna say something like that."
"Dad you don't have a body any more."
"Well that's no excuse to discriminate against me. Besides
I'm too young to have a grandchild, especially one his age.
Frobisher yes. Me no. Buck was always old for as long as I
can remember."
"I heard that Fraser."
"Hey Buck who invited you into this conversation? Can't you
see I'm having an important discussion with my son?"
"Well in a sense he's like my son too Bob."
"Oh I never thought I'd live to see this day. Don't tell me
this means I'm related to your mangy hide now."
"You didn't live to see it Bob. You keep forgetting you're
dead. I hope you don't think I like being related to you
either. I know too much about you, you old buzzard."
"Oh now I know."
"Know what Bob?"
"Feeding the horses. Oh brother. I fell for that old line?
Should have known something was up from all that hay he
tracked into my car."
Fraser Jr was blushing slightly and shaking his head as he
listened to them go on, but couldn't help smiling at these
two senior officers - two men he respected highly - one who
was his father and the other who also treated him like one.
He could tell from knowing them both all his life and their
tone of good natured bickering, that they really did enjoy
the fact that through Paddy they were even though not
related through a marriage, they were now through blood. He
looked over still smiling, as he watched his own son Paddy
with an appreciative Diefenbaker, who was being spoiled with
pets and scratches behind his ears, in the other room.
Paddy had been looking over every now and again, giving
himself and Buck a strange expression like he was afraid
insanity ran on both sides of the family. He laughed to
himself as he walked over to his son and placed his arm
around his shoulders to lead him out of the room, through
the door and downstairs to wait for Ray to come pick them up
for dinner. A strange morbid thought crossed his mind as he
voiced a vague part of it out loud. "Don't worry, some day
you'll understand what that was all about." He didn't
finish, because he didn't want to scare his son with his own
mortality or the thought that he would undoubtedly appear to
Paddy as a ghost some day. It was a family disorder he was
hoping to inherit. THE END OR IS IT?
EPILOGUE 2: MY CHILD DID THIS
"Ok, so there's this rabbi, this priest and a mountie..."
Fraser turned around suddenly at his lover's voice about to
relay an off-color joke. His eyes went wide when he
realized who Ray was telling it to. Ben immediately made a
bee-line for his errant friend thinking to himself, *I knew
I shouldn't have left him on his own for so long.* He
hadn't really left him for all that long. Five minutes was
all it took for Ray to find the highest ranked RCMP officer
in the room and strike up a conversation. "Then the mountie
says..." Fraser picked that perfect moment to butt in,
causing both the RCMP officer and Ray to smirk. "Excuse me
sir. Ray I need to speak with you regarding the case we're
working on." Ray laughed inwardly seeing his friend's quite
comical distress. He knew Fraser was uncomfortable with
official functions and followed a strict discipline of
etiquette when faced with them, unlike Ray. He knew Fraser
was easily embarrassed so he let Ben off the hook. "Sorry
George I'll have to finish this some other time. Duty
calls... you understand." The RCMP officer gave him a
knowing smile. "Sure Ray. I'll speak with you later. I do
want to know how this ends. My friends at my luncheon
tomorrow may benefit from it. And I can tell you the one
about the Prime Minister, the Pope and the cop." Ray's
curiosity was piqued at that, but he felt Fraser's insistent
hand on his arm, trying to lead him away. Fraser curtly
nodded at his commanding officer. "Sorry sir. Excuse us."
Behind Fraser's back Ray signaled with his hand and
mouthed. "Later."
When they'd gone to a private section of the room away from
the other guests, Ray quietly spoke jokingly, knowing
already what the problem was. "Yes oh light of my life?
What's so urgent?" Fraser to anyone who looked over at them
would seem to be calm, but to Ray who had learned the signs
through years of intimacy, knew his friend was quite
agitated. "Ray I just turned my back on you for a couple of
minutes and already you're into trouble. Do you know who
that was?" Ray teased his nervous lover. "Of course I do.
My mother taught me some manners. We introduced ourselves
first Benny. Ya know George is a pretty good guy for a
bureaucratic mountie.", he teased. "Besides ya should know
after all these year's together, trouble's my middle name.
At least I haven't kissed ya or touched ya in front of your
colleague's... yet. And believe me I've wanted to since we
first got here." Fraser was turning the color of his
uniform, looking around to make sure no one heard what his
friend just confessed. "Ray, you wouldn't?" Ray smiled
devilishly for a few seconds, then grew serious as he looked
sincerely into those melting blue eyes that gazed into his
so anxiously. "Don't worry. I promise I'll behave. I know
how important this day is to you. But when we're back at
the hotel tonight, don't expect me to stick to it." He
smiled suggestively at his lover, knowing well after so much
time together, that Ben was thinking along the same lines as
he was now. Fraser just smiled back at him, shaking his
head in resignation. "Thanks alot Ray. I'm enjoying the
thoughts, but they really don't fit in with the atmosphere
here." Ray touched his arm briefly, concern etched in his
face now. "Benny relax. I'm sorry. Its ok. Everything's
going well. Besides I think its time now. Come on lets go
see the show."
The 'show' Ray referred to was the reason they were visiting
Canada in the first place. It was the induction ceremony of
new RCMP officers, with Patrick 'Paddy' O'Connor chief among
them. He'd been top of his class, which didn't surprise Ray
at all, knowing who his father and grandfathers were... all
three top grade RCMP officers. It seemed only natural to
Ray that the son of the man he loved would rise to so high
an honor already in his young life. Paddy looked very
handsome and comfortable in the serge uniform his father and
grandfathers had worn with pride before him. Looking to the
other side of Fraser, he saw Buck and Bruce actually being
friendly with and sitting next to each other, both looking
quite proud. But the immense pride, joy and love he saw in
his lover's face as he watched his son made Ray smile. For
this moment Ray felt the kid was definitely worth the
trouble he'd caused a number of years earlier. In the time
since then Paddy had come to be special to Ray as well as
he'd gotten to know the boy, who was now a man.
Their initial meeting long ago had been pretty rocky, but
gradually they came to understand and really like each
other. When they had finally cleared up the mess Paddy had
gotten himself tangled up in, Bruce had come down from
Canada to see them. He'd had a reunion and reconciliation
with his son that was awkward at first, but it was apparent
that Bruce had loved the boy even though he wasn't his own
flesh and blood. It then came to a meeting between Bruce
and Fraser that Ray wasn't privy to. They'd spoken at
length about Paddy's immediate future. Ray remembered being
surprised at the outcome of their talk. Fraser had asked
Paddy to stay with him in Chicago if he wanted to.
Bruce being an engineer for an oil company had been offered
the job of his dreams in Saudi Arabia slightly before Paddy
had come to live with him, around the time of his mother's
tragic death. He'd turned the offer down due to his
traumatized teenaged son coming full time into his life
then. Before leaving Canada to reclaim his son, he'd heard
the position he'd wanted hadn't been filled yet. Bruce was
still interested, but was willing to leave it behind again
to take care of his son. When Fraser had learned of this
and with his desire to get to know Paddy better, he'd asked
if he could keep the boy with him in Chicago. Bruce was
really a decent man and didn't feel right about giving up
the boy he'd called his son for sixteen years. Fraser
convinced him it wasn't giving up Paddy, but sharing their
son and this solution would benefit them all. When Ben had
asked Paddy to stay with him in the US, the kid seemed
apprehensive at first, not wanting to pit one father against
the other. After having a heart to heart talk with Bruce,
he decided to stay with Fraser, because he too wanted to get
to know his biological father better.
Fraser had requested Thatcher's help in acquiring a special
VISA for Paddy to stay with him in the US. Surprisingly
she'd been very understanding and helpful in that regard
when she found out the nature of his relationship to Paddy.
Paddy had been enrolled in one of the public high schools
and quickly caught up to his fellow classmates. In the
beginning it had been quite an adjustment for Ray as to
where he stood in this new situation that had developed in
his relationship to Fraser. He recalled, ashamed now that
he thought back on it, that for a little while he'd been
very jealous of the attention and time that Fraser spent
with Paddy instead of him. Ray had been spoiled by how much
time and privacy they had together before and missed that
luxury. Ray had liked being the center of Fraser's
attention and affection and didn't like sharing, especially
with a kid who at that time still had alot to make up for in
Ray's mind.
Somehow Fraser had managed to reassure him that he was still
as important and loved by him even though he now had someone
else in his life now. Paddy having known about Ray and
Fraser's relationship had actually been very understanding
about it, which helped in endearing the kid to Ray over
time. Paddy'd gone out of his way on a number of occasions
to ensure they had their privacy, which both Ray and Fraser
appreciated. When Ray had realized that the kid really was
alot like his father in his manner and treatment of others,
that had also helped in his growing to care about Paddy as
well. After almost 2 years of Paddy living with Fraser,
he'd announced his desire to return to Canada after
graduating from high school, in order to join the RCMP in
the fall of that year.
Today marked the end result of that decision, as the newly
inducted mountie made his way over to his family after being
released from his ceremonial duties. His grandfather
stopped to greet him first. He teased. "You might want to
fix that lanyard of your's kid." Paddy quickly checked and
looked worried that he'd been seen not looking anything but
picture book perfect in his uniform during the ceremony. "Oh
dear." Then his grandfather laughed. "Caught ya! I've
been waiting a long time to say that to you.
Congratulations kid, you're in good company. I know you'll
do that uniform proud." He smiled at his grandfather, who
was looking pretty good these days and heaven help any
criminals that crossed his path, Paddy laughed to himself.
"Thank you grandpa. I mean sir."
The next to get his attention was a very tan Bruce. "Hi
Paddy. Its been a while. I've missed you. So is it too
late to get you interested in engineering?" They laughed.
"Hi dad. I've missed you too. Thanks for all the letters.
Looks like life abroad has been good to you." "Can't
complain. Except for the heat. I can't seem to live
anywhere that doesn't have extreme temperatures. When you
have some time off come over and visit again." Bruce smiled
and clapped him on the back and shook his hand.
"Congratulations son, I'm proud of you." Paddy was happy at
his father's acceptance of his career choice. "Thanks dad."
As he stepped away from his father he moved to Ray's side.
"Am I interrupting?" Ray who was now flanked by two
mounties, Fraser on his left and Paddy on his right,
immediately pulled out his sunglasses and put them on as he
teased. "Do you mind? There's only so much of that color
red my poor eyes can take." Paddy and Fraser laughed at the
good natured teasing. "Kid you did great. Welcome to the
wonderful world of law enforcement. Anything you need or
help required, you know who to call..." "You?" Ray smiled
and pointed over at Ben. "No daddy dearest. I'm just here
for the buffet." With that he started to leave for the
aforementioned food table. But not before he shook the
kid's hand and whispered in his ear. "Ya turned out pretty
good kid. Don't be a stranger. Oh and you have my
permission to tease your sap of a father mercilessly. I
caught him misty eyed during the ceremony." with this said
he placed a quick light kiss on his cheek, that wasn't
noticeable to anyone but themselves and Fraser. He made a
well timed exit, so father and son could talk privately.
Paddy was laughing at what Ray had told him. "Ray certainly
is unique dad. I like him." "I'm glad. So do I." Fraser
brushed at imaginary nothings on his son's uniform, mostly
just to touch him and know that he was real and this was not
a dream. He avoided his eyes for a few seconds than looked
deeply into those of his son and saw so much there...
excitement, happiness, anticipation and youthful lust for
adventure... Alot of what he felt when he'd first been
inducted, so many years ago. "So do you have your first
assignment yet?" Paddy smiled. "Yes. I'm temporarily
stationed in Moosejaw for 3 months." Fraser cringed inside
at the mention of the town he'd been stationed in for a
short time. Remembering Gerard's words about Fraser's
reputation of thinking it was too urban for his liking.
"Well its no Chicago, but I'm sure you'll do fine there."
Paddy grabbed and squeezed softly at one of his father's
hands as it went to straighten something on his uniform that
didn't need straightening. "Dad I'll be ok." Fraser smiled
over at him bittersweetly. "I know. But I can still worry
about you. You're my only son after all. I just want you
to be healthy, happy and safe." "I am and I will be. I had
good teachers, you for one. Besides I'm old enough to take
care of myself now." Fraser sadly conceded. "Yes, I
suppose you are."
Fraser reached over to grab a box from a table next to them.
"This is for you. They've helped me in the past, they may
do the same for you." Paddy untied the ribbon on the box,
peering inside he saw some very old journals. He knew what
they were without looking further at the treasure his father
had just given him. "Dad I can't take these. These are all
you have left of grandpa Fraser." Ben pointed to his head.
"I have them up here now... and... well... your grandfather
still visits from time to time. By the way he enjoyed the
ceremony and said to give you his congratulations as well.
He likes the idea of having another generation of the family
in the RCMP." Paddy laughed at what he believed to be his
father's subconscious fantasy of seeing his father's ghost.
Flipping through the box of journals he realized his father
had given him some of his own journals as well. His father
was sharing more of himself than Paddy could have ever hoped
for. At the very bottom of the box there was one wrapped
gift. He opened it carefully as his smiling father watched
on. It was an empty journal, well not completely empty, the
first page was marked with today's date and a handwritten
note:
"My dearest Patrick,
I'm so very proud to have you as a son. Remember that no
matter where you are, you'll always have a piece of me with
you.
Love,
your father
Benton Fraser"
"Oh dad... Ray's right... You are a sap. I love it. Thank-
you kindly. What's the RCMP etiquette about fellow
mounties hugging each other?" Ben laughed. "I don't know
and I don't care." at that he gathered his son into his arms
in a tight affectionate embrace. "I'm so proud of you. I
love you Paddy."
Fraser turned his head suddenly at the laughter that was
coming from the middle of the room. He knew one of those
laughs all too well. He winced inwardly, realizing that Ray
must have finished that earlier off-color joke for the
highest ranked officer in the RCMP. They must have met up
with one another again while Ben had been distracted with
Paddy. Fraser laughed inwardly, no longer nervous or
worried, hearing 'George' start up now. "Ok, so the Prime
Minister, the Pope and a cop go into this bar..."
THE END.
I THINK? WELL AT LEAST FOR NOW...
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